There wasn't much to report on until yesterday. I hate yesterday. I lost my home, my bed, 99% of my property. Now I lost my job. After 4.5 years of loyal and hardwork, I was tossed aside. They stated my attendance, but I don't believe it. I made improvements with my attendance, they even celebrated a mile marker and even told me I was safe from begin fired. Yet after making a real human mistake, I got fired. They lied to me. This job was my one piece of stability in my life, now it's gone. I have no routine, no job, no social circle. Thank you so much for hurting me further. Thank you so much for making me have further trust issues. Thank you so much for lying to my face. Thank you so much for choosing the drama queens and yes men over a real worker. Thank you so much for another issue for my mental health and finances. Thank you so much, Daktronics.
I don't believe I was fired for attendance, because I wasn't the worst attendance record in the building. Just last week a girl missed four out of five days, and then missed another day following week. She was late to work several times, worse then mine, as well. Yet not once did I see her get written up, or talked to. Sadly, she isn't the first one I watched this with. It took them two years to get rid of the other person who was exactly like this. TWO YEARS!
I only had a bad record for five months, and they had enough. Where were my two years? Where was the infinite patience? Oh right, it's only given to those who they enjoy. Otherwise why would they get rid of the person who helped developed many processes, trained 90% of the current work force, and who helped manage schedules. Yes, I did work schedules. All of this is why I believe that the manager choose his favorites, a drama queen and the girl I already mentioned, over me. I called him out for favoring others, and treating people unevenly. I even went to HR for this. Yet, it was HR who turned on me. I got punishments, little bit of aid, and then eventually fired.
I wanted to grow in that company. I wanted to became a manager. This was the first company I felt this way with. Now... I don't even want to get out of bed. I'm so tired. Tired of having my trust betrayed. So tried of having to fight. So tired. I don't want to be human anymore. I'm tired of it. So tired of it.
For all of those thinking I'm just pointing and blaming. No, I'm hurting. A part of me is curious to how the work is going. Since I literally didn't get to goodbye to anything or anyone, I feel incomplete. How is C? Is H and E bragging about how they are better? Am I even missed? About L, he will never get to see my smile again? How about D, did he enjoy having me around? Will his and CL's birthday be celebrated?
I know I should be moving on. Looking for a new job. Yet, here I am, still processing. How do they expect someone who was fired over the phone to act? To make it even worse, they didn't bother doing any of this in person with me. No, the day I did the most human mistake, at the end of the day I got a call. Telling me not to come in the next day while they figured out what to do with me. Didn't get this news until 8 minutes before the end of work. Then yesterday I didn't get the final call until AFTER the work day was complete. What happened to walking people out? Doing it to their face? Doing it in person? Why over the phone? If they wanted it to hurt, and make me feel like a useless human... well it worked.
So yeah, this is my life now. Rock bottom, or nearly there. Do I even want to go back to work? I'm over the human dream team. "Teamwork makes the dream work." Bulls**t. My experience says otherwise. I'm not sure if I want to work with others anymore. Yet, that is what 99% of work is. I don't even know if I want to leave home. Even though it's not much of home. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad I have somewhere to sleep and feel safe. It's just not my home.
OKAY, enough of the bad news. What makes me so... broken. Let's focus on some good. We had another donation from Jay. I know several Jay's, so I can't pinpoint this one. That's okay though, because I'm thankful anyways. Thank you, Jay, for the donation.
With the current donations, I managed to buy new much needed jeans. They were for work, but now I guess they are just jeans. For walking perhaps. I did enjoy a rather tearful long walk in them yesterday. I needed some space to process my new loss.
I also got guinea pig supplies. Dexter and Jackie were both needing of some serious enrichment. The poor boys literally had the bare minimum. Bedding, food, water. So I know they were dying for toys. That's exactly what I got them. They both have their own little box filled with natural toy chew toys. And no, I didn't make this box. It comes made together, filled with these little chew toys. They love it, so I got them. I also got some solid toys. Ones like the seed and fruit logs that they can break down with their teeth. And herbal ones for them as well.
I also got them plenty of veggies and fruits. I enjoy making Dexter and Jackie little salads. I recently gave one on Monday. After having held Dexter, and enjoying him 'pancake' while with me. Though him pancaking comes with him attempting to nibble mommy. Don't worry though, I find it rather amusing. He always makes me laugh. I think I'm going to do another salad for them today. They are always so talkative afterwards. And it's been rather quite since yesterday. Though I suppose that is due to me begin under my dark dark clouds. Thank you, depression.
Anyway, we also got a good portion of groceries and household items. Mainly for the fur babies. Speaking of them fur babies, I'm looking for new collars for Hathor and Khonsu. I believe for a new start there, new collars are needed. It would be nice to find ones that match they're little bells and charms. I also look forward to getting them new ID tags. I plan on making them rather fun. Something like... "I'm lost, and my mommy misses me, call her at...". I honestly hope to come up with something a little more funny. Any ideas?
I guess this is where my life is at now. Jobless on top of everything else. When I survive this, and I know I will, I'm going to scream it to the world. I SURVIVED! As for now, I need to start climbing towards... anything.
Please, social bees and butterflies, share and donate! I know this is not an easy but we can do this.
GoFundMe: https://gofund.me/ab9040f5a
