a dream journal

remembering the liminal spaces inside my head

[liminaldreamscape]

Night of September 18, 2024

I was walking through a mall or a university campus — it's hard to pinpoint what the location was — with two other people on a sunny day. One of the people was my cousin, Shahnza. I was leading them with purpose. We were looking for a specific destination and I had already scoped out a route prior to this. Notably, the route I had found was the most direct one, but also went through areas we were not supposed to be in.

We walked through the busy, public area and through a door that led to a quiet area further into the building. The space was long, narrow hallways with doors lining both sides. It was lit with this peach light coming from the lightbulbs. This was not a public place. When we stepped into the hallway, I quietly told the others that we were in a dream-related place and to be prepared for that.

We quickly and quietly walked through the hallway, passing open doors with people laying down in beds in them, almost like a hospital. The people had blue tissue wrapped around various parts of their bodies and the tissue was often ripped. For the most part, we managed to avoid the staff in the area.

At one point, to avoid being detected, we stepped into a large room that had a person sleeping in it. However, it didn't work and a female staff member caught us. While she was telling us we weren't supposed to be in here, she secretly handed me a blue pen, helping us. We quickly exited the room and I drew mustaches on the three of us to help us blend in to the space better.

Eventually, we exited the peach-lit dream hallway and were in a dark, cavernous space. The space was underground with a body of water. It was sparsely lit by streetlamps. At this point, we were found out and started running to avoid being caught.

We ran through a series of gates and found ourselves at one that was a sort of puzzle. I remembered that I had been here before and done this before — I swear I had dreamt about this place before, but I can't remember that dream —, so I lifted the gate in front of me "past 10", as I remembered. There were numbers on the ceiling that started at 1 and kept going. I frantically yelled at one of the people with me to open the gate on the floor, which they did. We went inside and I yelled for Shahnza to join us, which she did. Once Shahnza was inside, I closed the gates.

We ran away, towards another gate. As we were running, one of the people chasing us caught up to the gates we had closed. I remarked in my head that this went much better than the last time I had done this, which was a much closer call. When we reached the gate we were running towards, a person ran up and opened it for us, allowing us through. This was also someone I recognized as having helped me the last time I was here.

The dream shifted and I hesitate in saying this was a different dream because it feels like the same one somehow. In this dream, I wasn't me. I was an older woman, specifically a mother with a soldier for a son, and a witch. I was still in this dark, cavernous place, but now I was with a bunch of other people, some soldiers. It was wartime and I was here to convince them of something.

I explained the ritual that they could do to help themselves somehow. I gave my son a tote bag with things inside with a sad, but tepid feeling that I was somehow hurting or sacrificing him to do what I needed to. He seemed to share my sadness, a muted disappointment perhaps at being placed in this role. My son didn't want me to do the ritual I was going to do. He knew it was dangerous and had consequences for me in the past.

I lit a candle with my lighter that looks like a pack of cards. My son got up to tell me not to do this. I told him it would be okay. Even as I said that, I was acutely aware that it would be okay for me in a way, but not for him. Something about the shadows stirred. There was an air of anticipation. Something big was about to happen.

[liminaldreamscape]

Charging Lucid Dreaming Oracle

Card 16 | The Three Worlds

Initial Impressions

Transcending, ascending

Astral projection, travel

Higher being/self

Associated Dream

Night of May 23, 2024

In the first dream, I was in a classroom with white walls and these two metallic, bunk bed-like structures on either side. I knew this to be a classroom from my undergrad years, though it did not look anything like a real classroom. The structures were missing what would be the bottom bunk, creating space underneath where, presumably, students would sit for class. I was beneath the structure on the left side, looking at the structure across from me. That structure had 3D stickers of fish on it. The stickers had liquid and glitter inside them.

I was in the room with a female teacher and one other person. The scene had the air of an alumnus visiting their old school, but I was also somehow currently a student.

Soon, current students, my peers, congregated in the room. As they were pouring in, I was looking at two art pieces the class had made together in my absence. I noticed that I was included in both pieces despite not having been present for most classes and I remarked as much. The teacher, who was now sitting at a wooden desk at the front of the class, said something about me and next year. I laughed lightheartedly said that I was done, so I wasn't coming back. I then started walking towards the back of the class, reciting Sirius Black's speech about having done his time in Azkaban, altered to my four years of undergraduate education.

As I walked, the classroom had changed such that the bunk bed-like structures were gone and replaced with wooden desks, at which each student sat. I walked to the back of the classroom and sat next to a male peer and friend, who joined me in reciting the speech.

In the second dream, I was in a dark room or perhaps outdoors. The environs were pitch black, lit only by a fire just out of my view, giving the scene a faint, orange glow. I was with a white, blond man with sinister energy. He suggested we do some sort of test. He asked me to say the name "Muhammad", which I understood to be some sort of Islamophobic bait. I refused. When I refused, he slapped me across the face. He then repeated the request. I refused again. He slapped me again, but increasing in frequency. This cycle continued for a while, my getting slapped more and more often.

At a certain point, somewhere around 200 slaps, which felt like a predetermined number on the man's part, he stopped and walked back towards a metallic X structure. He stretched and arched his back down onto it, allowing the structure to cut his back. The whole time, during the "game" and during this cutting, the man seemed in almost manic ecstasy.

In the third and final dream, I was at a camp somewhere in Niagara. It was near a waterfall, though notably not the Niagara Falls themselves. In the dream, I was both at the camp and at home, talking to my parents. The visuals were of the camp, while the audio was of the conversation with my parents.

The conversation was somehow taking place both before and after I had attended the camp. My mother was trying to convince my father to let me go to the camp, but I had both not been yet and already gone. As part of the conversation, I was showing my parents photos of the camp, which was both from previous visits and the current one that had already and had not yet happened. My mom noticed that my stuff was in the photos from previous years. I explained that I would go for a day and leave, since I wasn't allowed to stay then, which satisfied her.

Oracle Keywords

Moving, state of flux, resurfacing of old wounds, power struggles, survival needs, internal metamorpheses

Connecting Pieces

Keywords and initial impressions line up

If I am to consider the dreams as part of the Underworld, as manifestations of old wounds and shadow that need to be reintegrated... The first seems to be about loneliness and belonging. The second, I'm less sure about. The last about my parents and freedom.

[liminaldreamscape]

Charging Lucid Dreaming Oracle

Card 8 | The Void

Initial Impressions

quinn

Child of shadow

Womb, birth, beginnings

Eye, introspection, rest, reflection, growth

Associated Dream

Night of May 20, 2024

None that I can remember.

Oracle Keywords

Retreat, meditation, patience, relaxation, emptiness, impermanence

Connecting Pieces

Initial impressions and keywords line up

[liminaldreamscape]

Charging Lucid Dreaming Oracle

Card 26 | Digital Interface

Initial Impression

Leaping out from one dimension to another

Breaking free

Worldly/Material restrictions

Associated Dream

Night of May 19, 2024

I once again had a bunch of dreams that I remember snippets of.

In the first, I was with a South Asian man and his son who I knew to be my neighbours (they were not my actual neighbours). I was talking to the boy and he expressed disappointment in my being brown because he was used to being the only brown boy in school and he liked that. I asked him if he was mad at me for being brown. He said no. I mentioned to him that I have two younger brothers who are also brown.

In the second, I was in my parents' old house with my brother and cousins. We were all going to go out for the night, as it was our last day together. I went to the bathroom on the first floor and realized that I needed to change my pad. I asked my cousin, Shahnza, to slip a pad under the door for me, which she did.

It was raining hard and my cousins went to sit in the car while my brother and I were getting ready to join them. My brother, Ali, showed reluctance to go and he ended up asking for us to go home instead. I told as much to my cousin's family. We all hugged and said goodbye.

Ali and I started walking in the direction of where my car was parked. I pulled out my phone and Google Maps, only to find the route was a loop. It turns out, we had already driven to the hospital, which was where my car was parked. We turned around and walked into the hospital instead, happy to not have to do the walk.

In the last dream, I was inside a building that is hard to describe in terms of its purpose. I was with my family and some strangers, and we were being given a tour by an older, white man. During this tour, we were in a vault or locker area of some kind. I accidentally stepped onto an elevator that I wasn't supposed to and got separated from the group. I could still hear them, though, and the guide seemed unphased by what happened. He assured the group I'd find my way out.

Sure enough, I jumped from shelf to shelf in this narrow shaft until I found the exit. At the end, I came across this woman dressed in a revealing catwoman/cat burglar outfit. I knew her to be here to steal. She seemed distressed. Not wanting to blow up her spot, I left her be and caught up with the group.

I came upon a changing room, specifically the women's changing room. I heard the guide say, "Wash up if you want to become a billionaire". I said hell no and started running through the changing room and showers, trying to find the exit. There was so much water and I was getting soaked despite my attempts. I ended up finding the entrance to the men's changing room, turned around, and eventually found a cafeteria area that connected to both changing rooms. As I exited, so too did a woman who was also soaked and seemed like she had ran here similar to me. She cried out lightheartedly, asking why there isn't a place to dry. We laughed slightly and awkwardly at the situation.

Oracle Keywords

Miscommunications, numbing, obsession, being transfixed, technical glitches, overstimulation, developing a healthy balance

Connecting Pieces

Keywords and initial impressions line up

[liminaldreamscape]

Charging Lucid Dreaming Oracle

Card 33 | Maintaining Consciousness

Initial Impression

Rolling hills that look like a body or a face

A window or a portal into an abyss, ocean, or the stars

Layers of worlds, realms that change how the same stimuli are interpreted or perceived

Up or down is perspective. No true compass

Associated Dream

Night of May 18, 2024

I had a variety of disconnected dreams, all of which I only remember in parts.

In one, I was watching a survival challenge.

In another, I was outside of a university with some of the organizing folks in the region. It was winter and there was snow on the ground. We congregated at a protest for Palestine after hearing that another organizer was arrested for posting a poem about intifada. At the protest, people working for the university or some other institution — but notably not cops or security guards — were carrying protestors out. These people were taking scarves off of protestors necks, supposedly to protect people's safety regarding choking. I remember thinking this logic made no sense.

The group of us were outside of a building, a little ways away from another group wearing traffic vests. The other group consisted of CUPE 4207 union members, led by former President Nathan, and some other older folks. We were waiting for them to join us, so we could coalition build.

In the last dream that I remember, I was at some sort of convention or event. The entire dream was colour graded in this blueish-gray and it was dimly lit. At the event, there were people that had booths set up like at a convention, but the quality of everything felt more like a grade school fair. A couple of men had a booth for dramatic and silly tarot readings. These men made suggestive faces at me to try to entice me to get a reading.

Another booth belonged to an East Asian man and was for a game called "Magic". I think it was a TTRPG. The booth, which was just a bristol board with information on it, was quite unimpressive to look at. Another man commented as much, saying that if the display was more visually appealing, Magic could really sell.

This second man then began asking for an East Asian woman he called "Eve". I knew this to be a character name, so I told him her real name and pointed him in her direction. The Magic-owner, East Asian man mused out loud about the other man's intentions in finding "Eve", who we both understood to be working on the Magic team. There was a giant banner in front of us belonging to the other man, which indicated that he was making a zine or something similar for Magic. I pointed out the banner and guessed that that was likely why he was searching for "Eve". The East Asian man agreed and said that he had hired the other man to make the zine and to handle all the print related things associated with Magic.

Oracle Keywords

Boredom, saying "no", monotony, sleepwalking through life, staying conscious, practicing present-moment awareness

Connecting Pieces

Practicing mindfulness via perspective shifting

Throughout the dreams, I felt like I was just there, going through the motions. I felt disconnected and the events felt uninteresting. Notably, they are all related to things going on in my life right now. Perhaps a call for mindfulness in my relationships, in my organizing, and in my TTRPG work.

[liminaldreamscape]

Night of April 13, 2024

The dream took place in a bedroom. I'm unsure whether it was a hotel room or a room in a house. I was with my maternal aunt, uncle, and cousin. The room had two beds in it. One bed, which belonged to my aunt and uncle, was placed with its headboard resting against a wall. At the foot of that bed was my own. My bed was placed along the wall, such that the left side of the bed touched the wall. The foot of my bed was across from the door leading out from the room. Notably, there was only darkness outside the door.

Embedded in the wall, placed just above my bed, was a TV screen. As I was sleeping or at least trying to sleep, I got the feeling that I needed to wake up and to be very still. As I opened my eyes, I saw a woman with long, dark hair in the TV screen. Below her were subtitles. These subtitles floated off of the screen and turned into sharp weapons that floated above me and, had I moved, would have pierced me.

Seeing that I was awake, the woman in the TV began to speak to me. She told me that she was sorry for putting me in danger and that she had not meant to do so. She said she was just speaking and lost control of the words. Although the woman apologized, she did not seem truly sorry for putting me in danger. Instead, she seemed curiously amused and moreso apologetic for having let her mask or facade slip.

Feeling that I could not trust her, I grabbed my blanket and slipped sideways out of bed and onto the floor. The woman in the TV turned into my mother and manifested in the room with me. Her demeanour was one that was too caring and sweet, like she was trying too hard. I felt palpably that I could not trust her.

My mother moved to the side wall, where a radiator made of cardboard was attached, and told me to be careful not to touch the radiator, all while touching it herself. I suggested that she should sleep on the floor on the other side of my aunt and uncle's bed, if she could not control her weaponized words. She agreed and moved to do so.

As soon as my mother was out of sight, I slid on my back to the opposite side of my aunt and uncle's bed. At this point, I felt cold. Being out of my mother's sight, I felt safe enough to bring my blanket with me. However, as soon as I did so, my mother appeared on my aunt and uncle's bed and her demeanour had shifted.

Notably, at this point, my uncle had left the room. In this shifted space, my mother began to berate me. I can't remember exactly what the conversation was about, but she was trying to get me to admit to using birth control. This interaction angered me, so I grabbed my mother by the shoulders and began shaking her, yelling and swearing at her. Throughout the whole dream, my aunt and cousin did nothing but watch and exist in the space.

& then I woke up.

[liminaldreamscape]

Night of March 2, 2024

I had two dreams this night, but I only remember the second. I vaguely remember that the first had a woman in the dream and it had something to do with sex.

In the second dream, I was trapped by my cousin, Shahnza, and an adult. I had been kidnapped or coerced into this situation and was trying to escape. To this end, I had hidden a cell phone that I was using to text an anonymous person who was trying to help me. They told me that I had to complete three chores for my captors before 9:30pm that night. If I successfully did so, they would burn the house down, so I could escape.

This house was styled like a Pakistani house in that it had multiple buildings and a private, open courtyard. Shahnza escorted me to a second building, which was essentially my current apartment. She took me to my room, where my brother and my other cousin, Hamzah, were also being kept. However, when Shahnza left us alone, the men indicated that they would not help me. I was frustrated by this.

We spent the night in my room. The next day, I got dressed in my own clothes. However, I got the sense that most of my clothes had been moved elsewhere, as there was not much choice in that regard. I had also brought a limited amount of belongings with me into this room and stored them behind the door. These included some Magic cards, which were all variations of the same commander that actually belonged to Dare, and an enamel pin. I took these belongings and left the building.

Shahnza followed me out and was escorting me. We were now outside a school, which looked similar to my elementary school. However, when we went inside the building, it became a university with multiple buildings. As we walked through the halls, there came a fork in the path, such that there were two paths to the lecture hall we needed to be in. Shahnza and I disagreed on which path we should take. I convinced her to split from me to see who was right. Whoever was wrong would meet up with the victor in the lecture hall.

As I travelled alone, I learned that I was taking the wrong path. I ended up in the wrong lecture hall, which was a large, ascending hall. I sat in one of the back rows and debated hiding in this room from my captors. Quickly, though, I decided against this and ended up going to the correct lecture hall.

Shahnza and our professor were standing outside the lecture hall, supposedly awaiting my arrival. It was clear that Shahnza had been worried that I had run and was relieved to see that I hadn't. Without saying anything to either of them, I walked into the lecture hall and debated which seat to sit in. This lecture hall had the same layout as the one I had just been in. All the while, I was trying to plot my escape. I eventually decided on a seat near the front, in the middle aisle. Gwen was sitting in the aisle seat, so I sat next to her. We exchanged brief greetings before Shahnza and I sat down, and then I woke up.

Note: I conducted a dream ritual this night with the intention of learning more about myself as it pertains to my spiritual practice.

[liminaldreamscape]

Night of January 6, 2024

I had several dreams, but the first stood out the most to me, so I will relay that one.

The dream was, once again, both a video game and me playing the video game. This time, however, the video game was also real life and I was the character in it.

The game was horror-themed and set in a large house at night. I was faced with an important decision that would affect my survival and I ultimately chose to put my character (myself) in the equivalent of a cocoon. I knew this to be a risky decision that could ultimately transform me for the worse or kill me, but I felt calm and confident in my decision.

Eventually, the cocoon burst and out came me, transformed. The transformed version of me was a beast or a monster or both. I had a large, elongated face, similar to that of a reptile, with sharp teeth. I had horns. My eyes were many hands emerging from my sockets. I walked on four legs and had a very long tail with small, triangular nubs. I had several shadowy tentacles along my body.

I think Nada was there in the not-video game and commented that I was almost as large as the house itself.

Seeing the transformed version of myself, I knew that it — whatever "it" was — had worked. I had changed and changed for the better. I would survive.

Note: I had conducted a cleansing ritual for myself this night that was meant to operate in my dreams. My instinct tells me this dream relates to that ritual.

[liminaldreamscape]

Night of December 31, 2023

The dream was both a video game and me playing the video game. The game was set in a mostly empty house and I was playing as a thin, white woman who was trying to escape it. The woman had been trapped there by a bigger, middle-aged white man.

I was in a part of the game where I had figured out how to sneak outside through the back door. I was in the backyard, by the fence and was trying to figure out how to open the door to the backyard to escape. It was a sunny day.

Joe was also playing the same game. When she noticed what I was trying to do, she told me that the game is strange and won't let you escape using the backyard door, even though it's right there.

At this point, I paused my own game to watch Joe's, who was nearing the end of her playthrough. Notably, the dream was in the first-person perspective of the video game character this whole time and, at this point, seamlessly switched to the first-person perspective of Joe's character.

In Joe's game, her character was running around the house, running down stairs and opening doors to continue running down more hallways and stairs. Every time the character touched something, like a doorknob, Joe would comment that the character was corrupting it. I understood that the corruption would cause these items to grow cold for a time before returning to their base temperature, leaving a trail behind. I also understood that Joe's character was being chased by the man who had trapped her in the house. As the character made it to the basement of the house, the man was yelling something about a bathroom. Joe took the character to a bathroom, which was a dead end. I immediately thought this was a bad idea. Why would Joe go to the place the man was yelling about, especially when there was nowhere else to run from here?

In the bathroom, the character crouched on the floor, against the wall. Immediately, the man showed up, baseball bat in hand. When he entered the bathroom, the whole room sounded like it had exploded. The sound of splintering wood filled the space, but other than debris across the room, the room remained intact. The man turned to face the character and, with a pleading look on his face that was both frustrated and desperate, asked the character to be okay with this, or at least to be okay with it next week. I understood that the reason the man mentioned next week was that killing this character would not be the end. She would live on as a ghost.

Then, the man beat the character, whose perspective I was in, to death with the baseball bat. The odd thing about this dream is that I didn't wake up then. Instead, I became myself in the video game space. The woman disappeared and, devoid of body, screamed something about not wanting to die of fear at least, and the man in front of me exploded? or disappeared?, leaving a smattering of blood on the walls. The bathroom walls and floors started to erupt like something was trying to escape from them. The screams of the woman filled the room. She talked about how she wasn't afraid, see?

At this point, I got up and left the bathroom. I started to climb up the stairs out of the basement, but stopped partway through and watched the bathroom over my shoulder. The three cats (Haldi, Jeera, and Blossom) were all also here now, all standing still, in the middle of also running away from the bathroom. All also watching the bathroom over their shoulders. From my slight vantage point, I could also see Joe's head peeking out from behind a couch that was up against a wall near the bathroom. She was hiding, quietly watching the bathroom.

The woman's screams continued. She admitted that she was actually deeply afraid. She started crying. She started screaming wordlessly. There was so much anguish in her voice and all we could do was watch.

[liminaldreamscape]

Night of November 11, 2023

The dream took place inside a mall that was also a hotel. I was with various groups of people for the entirety of the dream. It was as if we had all gathered here for something.

In the dream, I was going to propose to one of two people: Gwen or someone who was perhaps a minor celebrity of some kind. Everyone was excited for the prospect of me proposing to the latter, but I was secretly sad about that because I wanted to propose to Gwen. I was with the celebrity with the intent to propose, but didn't end up doing it.

I'm not sure how I got to this next part of the dream, but I was waiting to be picked up by a group of folks. While I was waiting, Dare commented on the pants I was wearing, which were the blue pants I own with white geometric patterning. She said the pants made me look like a marshmallow. I asked fae if I should change and fae said yes.

At this point, the car of folks picking me up arrived and, at the same time, Alyssa brought me something — perhaps food? — that I had been waiting for. I asked the car to wait and rushed over to get a brown paper bag from Alyssa. I never opened this bag during the rest of my dream and, in fact, didn't even seem to have it on my person.

I went back to the area supposedly near my hotel room to change and Val came to check up on me after the failed proposal.

Again, I'm not sure how I got to this next part of the dream, but I was suddenly with a group of people sans Val and I was talking to a person who was leading us to their hotel room. The person was explaining to me, rather matter-of-factly, that if Death was working with the shadow entities around me, then it's a straightforward kill and there's nothing we can do. They also explained that if Death isn't working with the shadow entities, then we shouldn't delay and should head to this other place. As the person was explaining this to me, I mentally concluded that the logical thing to do was to go to this other place, which was somewhere I was already going to as is. I began to get a little frustrated that this person was delaying us despite what was, to me, an obvious course of action.

The person opened the door to their hotel room, which was dark. Inside the room, I caught a glimpse of Death walking into an adjacent room. Death looked like its classical image of a hooded figure with a scythe. I started screaming in horror and scrambled onto the bed. Once again, I caught a glimpse of Death in the bathroom, moving out of view. I continued to scream.

I then saw, in plain view, a tall and skinny figure move from the bathroom into the closet. It passed the bed as it travelled. I'm unsure if this figure was Death or something else. As I continued to scream, I went to open the closet door. Instead of the figure, I found a member of our group, a tall and skinny man, inside the closet. I screamed and shook him, confused. He didn't seem fazed by this. Instead, he smiled and laughed, confused at my horror.

In fact, no one else in the room seemed to react at all to me. It seems that no one else had seen what I had seen and they almost politely ignored my horrified screaming.

& then I woke up.

[liminaldreamscape]

Offerings for Eros

I've noticed that all the online resources I've found regarding what offerings to give to Eros have been broad and vague (e.g., flowers, birds, etc.). but I've recently started working with Eros and have come to learn that he is pickier than that. So, for anyone who might want to work with or may already be working with Eros, this is where I'll compile the information I've gathered about his preferences for offerings. Obviously, your relationship with Eros is your own and he may express different desires to you. This list is based on my experience and is not definitive.

Likes

Eggs

Rabbits

Bluebirds

Sebastopol geese

Roses

Lavender

Jasmine

Obsidian

Amethyst

Red candles

Neutral/Meh

Hummingbirds

Cardinals

Moonstone

Opal

Pink candles

Dislikes [Do not put these on his altar]

Crows

Roosters

Blue lotus

Violet flowers

[liminaldreamscape]

Night of September 7, 2023

Dream 1

I was conducting a ritual with Gwen. During the ritual, I expressed concern over what she was doing. I was worried that she was playing with powers beyond her control and that something would go wrong. In contrast, Gwen was quite relaxed and confident, and assured me that she had everything under control.

She called upon two angelic entities, one quite feminine in form and the other leaning masculine. The two entities were symbolized by a dove that was larger than the world itself. I knew this dove to be an eater of worlds and related to the ouroboros somehow.

The ritual worked. At its end, it felt like something had been severed or disconnected in a good way. I'm not sure what or from whom.

Dream 2

I was in a large hotel. Its architecture was older in aesthetic, resembling that of a castle. The hotel had dark wooden walls and dark red carpeting. The lights were lanterns hung on brackets. These lanterns were electric, but had the aesthetic of an era long gone. I was travelling through long hallways, all of which were lined with rooms on either side. Notably, the hotel was also connected to the subway through its bottoms floors.

I was with a couple people when I felt the urge to go to the bathroom. I asked them whether going to one in the subway or in the hotel proper would be cleaner. They suggested the hotel would be cleaner, as it sees less traffic. I agreed and left them, travelling by the stairs to find a bathroom.

Suddenly, I felt a need to find a particular bathroom that Sea had found earlier. I travelled through the hotel and wound up in a dimly lit restaurant. As I got here, I started to feel extremely dazed and woozy, finding it hard to walk. I think I had smoked the majority of a blunt earlier? The restaurant was quite fancy and its single-stall bathroom reflected that. The bathroom was large, similarly dimly lit, and opulent. As soon as I entered the bathroom, I slumped to the floor with my back against the door, being unable to stand anymore.

Somehow, the environment shifted to an airplane bathroom. It was cramped and the toilet was underneath the sink. Woozy, I texted Gwen, telling her that I was incredibly high. I also started to feel uncomfortable and wanted to take my clothes off outside the bathroom before using it. So, I tried to open the door and leave, but I found that the bathroom was so cramped that the door wouldn't open all the way, trapping me inside. I wondered whether I would be unable to leave here, and then I woke up.

UPDATE

Gwen noted that doves are one of Aphrodite's birds.

One of Gwen's dreams from the same night was located in a similar hotel. In that dream, she was chasing Lilith, who seemed lonely. Eventually, she let Gwen spend time with her. Notably, Lilith appeared as a pale woman with dark hair.

[liminaldreamscape]

Night of September 5, 2023

I have a feeling these were all the same dream somehow, so I'll treat them as different scenes.

Scene 1

I was planning what I think was a surfing trip with a group of people. The setting of the dream eludes me. I think we were standing in a large body of water, but I'm unsure whether that's true or whether that was simply the trip location being mixed in to the dream's events. Perhaps it was both. Regardless, one of the people there was Diana, my best friend from middle school. She was also going to be on this trip. In the dream, I had a crush on her and I was nervously asking her out for during the trip. Diana had a gentle presence about her in the dream. She agreed to the date and I immediately became so relieved. We were both giddy and happy at this turn of events, and hugged.

Scene 2

I was talking to Wes. They were telling me about a roadtrip they were about to take out to California. He was going to take a dingy, old car he had. Perhaps the car was a Beetle, but I'm not sure. I expressed concern that the car wouldn't last the trip. Wes told me it was a significant trip for them, that they were "going back to where it started". He said it was important that the car die where it started. He also told me he agreed with me, and that they were pretty sure the car would die 3 miles into the trip. In the dream's logic, 3 miles was longer than a real 3 miles, and I knew this to be near the finish line, but not quite enough to make it to the end.

Scene 3

I was talking to someone. I'm not sure if it was still Wes or not. During the conversation, I was suddenly struck with a vision of a memory. This was a memory that did not belong to me, not of something I witnessed or experienced, but a memory I held nonetheless. It was also a memory I had had once before.

In the memory, a mass death occurred. One of the people that died was a woman that I didn't personally know. While I relived this memory through the vision, the death of this woman felt emotionally significant for some reason. I knew this to be different than the first time I had experienced this memory. This time, however, it felt as if I had known this woman, had loved her, despite knowing that neither of these things were true.

In the dream, I was on a grassy hill that was populated by a lot of people. Feeling overwhelmed, grieving the death of someone I didn't know, I ran away from whomever I was talking to, going uphill.

UPDATE

Wes' dreams from the same night were as follows:

"These all took place in and around a woods.

Dream 1

I was driving a car or a bus through the woods to get to a place (I assume the cabin from a couple of dreams later). I kept fiddling with the knob to find the right music to listen to, but couldn't focus because of all the talking in the back. I was driving a group of people, but they kept changing throughout the dream. It ended when I almost hit a coyote, but I avoided it and it just looked at me.

Dream 2

I was walking through woods, hiking and taking in all these sounds. I was collecting plants and berries, and taking photos. I saw someone start running away from me. I yelled out to them, but they didn't stop. I kept chasing, but couldn't catch up. Eventually, I was getting tired, but I ran off a cliff and fell into water.

Dream 3

I was sitting in a lodge full of people staring at each other."

It seems Wes and I shared a dreamscape again, but differently this time. Notably, my dream seems to precede theirs again.

[liminaldreamscape]

Night of August 31, 2023

The setting was a dimly lit room. The room had no windows and was quite industrial-looking. There was a raised platform for a large shower in one corner. Attached to the wall across the shower was a sink. Between the sink and the shower was the door leading into and out of the room.

I was there with a group of people and Wes was one of them. It was nighttime, quite late. Wes left the room to do something, during which time, I stepped into the shower. Due to the raised nature of the shower, the top part of anyone in it was visible to those outside it. Noting this, I began to speed up my shower, worried that my mother would come into the room at any moment and see my tattoos.

I stepped out of the shower, using the curtain to block my naked body, while I talked to the group. My butt was visible from the mirror hanging above the sink, and one of the group members told me as much.

After talking to the group, I wanted — or perhaps needed — something (I think food?), but it was a ways of a walk. So, I was waiting for Wes to return, so I could ask them if they would go with me.

UPDATE

Wes' dream from the same night was as follows:

"I was a chef on a cruise ship and a bunch of people I've played TTRPGs with were the cook staff and wait staff. It was just this wild rocking motion while trying to cook and having people yell and get intense about food. You were definitely there, but you were eating.

There was an industrial quality to the cruise ship I was on. It didn't look fancy. It looked like an old school ocean liner.

It was also nighttime and I remember being concerned whether or not you had eaten yet and if you liked your food."

It seems Wes and I shared a dream this night, with my dream preceding his.

[liminaldreamscape]

Night of July 6, 2023

Dream 1

I'm not entirely sure of the sequence of events for this dream, nor how the three seemingly disparate plots connect, so I'll recount it as best I remember.

The dream was set on a large university campus, including MUSC. I was with Neil and we were walking around the campus for the whole dream. There was a soft, loving air about Neil as he accompanied me.

In one plot of the dream, I felt like I was being chased by something. It was eventually revealed to be a younger group of people. They must have been around 16 or 17 years old. I can't remember what I had done, but they were getting revenge for one of their friends. The group cornered me in an enclosed area where I was surrounded by sheer, white curtains, and then staged a photo like I had attacked one of them. Neil and I noticed that this was what was happening, and we left.

However, it was too late and later, the principal of the school came to find me. He took me aside, Neil being allowed to join us, and told me about the complaint he had received. Because of the complaint, I was forced to shut down the LARP club I was running. Knowing that I couldn't fight this, I acquiesced. I apologized and agreed to do so, but the way I did so planted a seed of doubt in the principal's mind. As I was leaving, I overheard him asking the boy who had staged the whole thing, who was suddenly now even younger, whether he had made the whole thing up.

The second plot was that there was a supervillain attacking the area. I separated from Neil, who was going to deal with them, so I could change and help as well. For most of the dream, I was walking through almost empty hallways and staircases, trying to get to Neil as quickly as possible. Partway through, it also became a running away from my mother, who had found me.

Eventually, I managed to both get away from my mother and change into my hero suit to help Neil. Together, we confronted the villain in the air of this large building.

The third and final plot was that it was a large Pakistani cultural gathering. Neil was escorting me around this time, as I was reluctant to participate. He walked me toward the men's area of the makeshift prayer room, where I walked in and quickly ran out before anyone could notice me, remembering that I wasn't wearing pants or underwear. The dream shifted to me wearing more event-appropriate attire and Neil was escorting me to this large procession with the women. He asked me if I was sure I wanted to do this. I sighed and said that I should.

Dream 2

I'm unsure if this is a different dream or the finale to the previous one. If it connects to the other one, I'm not sure how.

I was in a house at night. Even in this dream, I was accompanied by someone I knew. I'm not entirely sure who it was, but I think it was Neil. This house belonged to a Black family of 2 or 3 women and about 6 kids all under the age of 10. One of the kids was a trans girl.

I sat on the floor while the family sat on the couches in their living room, telling me about a death god they worship named Hwasa. One of the women took lead in this conversation and had an almost condescending air about her as she explained all this to me. She talked about converts to their spiritual practice as well.

At some point, the conversation shifted to just me and this woman, who walked around her house. There was a hallway in the house lined with portraits and mirrors. As she talked to me, she stepped into one of these mirrors. I asked her if Hwasa was just their god or if it became the converts' god as well. As if my lack of understanding was silly, the woman stepped out of the mirror and told me it was also the converts' god as well. She smiled all the while.

While the woman was answering my question, I was examining the portrait directly across from her. It was the side profile of two white boys. They wore white face paint and strips of their faces were missing in the portrait, like they had never been drawn. The art style made it look as if the boys were melting.

As I looked upon this portrait and the woman answered my question, I got a flash of a memory. The memory was that of a tall figure with a smiling, almost skull-like face. I also got a flash of the portrait, but under a blacklight, revealing the missing pieces of the painting. Remembering this, I suddenly blurted out that I've met this god before. Immediately, the atmosphere changed to one of fear and horror. Everyone started to scramble away from me. Not understanding what was going on, I repeated myself and said that I had met this god before in a dream. I tried to get closer to this woman, but she continued to move away from me. Even Neil moved away from me, though it seemed less out of fear and more out of an obligation to do so. Again, I repeated myself and said I had met this god in a dream, and asked the woman if she'd like to read my dream journal. Seeing the change in atmosphere, I asked if seeing the god was a bad thing, but got no answer.

I awoke, feeling the fear that permeated the room. Something about this nightmare felt very real. I feel uneasy after waking, like I've just experienced a bad omen.

Two notes: I don't remember having met this god in a dream before, nor does it seem to exist, at least not by this name.

[liminaldreamscape]

Night of June 6, 2023

The dream was set outside in a residential area during the day. I was with three other people, one of whom was Justin Bieber, as we were attempting to sneak through people's backyards. I don't remember why this was necessary, only that it was. The backyards had abnormally high fences in some cases.

Justin and one other person opened the latch to one and went into the backyard with the understanding that they would let us in through another backyard. However, when they didn't do so, the last person I was with started attempting to unlock a different gate. This was a small, black, ornate gate. They managed to get it open, remarking that it should have been harder to do so, but wasn't able to squeeze through the open door. I told the person it's easier just to jump the fences and did. They followed suit and we were shortly reunited with the rest of the group.

The backyards were more like large fields with sparse trees here and there. After walking only a short while, we came upon a lion and a monstrous version of a bear. The "bear" was thin and muscular, as if a bear and a werewolf had crossed. The two started stalking towards us and the "bear" spoke to us. It tried to recruit one of us to their side, meaning that one of us was an animal of some kind. What it said was something along the lines of it being time. There was a feeling of something momentous and fatal occurring.

We started to back away from the animals, but when we turned around, we were faced with another. It was some sort of monstrous wolf. Near the "wolf" was a building — perhaps a barn — and I went inside it to hide. I found a sheet and sat underneath it. Shortly after, the "wolf" came into the building tearing a living thing or person apart. I could partially see it through the sheet. I stayed as still and quiet as possible, trying not to alert the "wolf" to my presence. It explored the building and came dangerously close to me, even partially climbing over me at one point, but in the end, it did not seem to find me.

I woke up as the "wolf" was turned around, supposedly to leave the building.

[liminaldreamscape]

Night of June 4, 2023

The dream was set at night in a neighbourhood that vaguely resembles the one outside my apartment. I was being chased by two people: Wes Anderson and his (non-existent) sister, Natalie. In this dream, Wes was also simultaneously my brother, Ali.

The two chased me and eventually Wes caught me enough to cut up my left arm. Throughout this process, others had gotten killed. I managed to escape and somehow my arm was suddenly wrapped in white bandages. I think a minor timeskip happened because there were also police cars — a lot of them — in the neighbourhood now. I understood that I had called them, but it was too late.

To hide from the killers, I went inside this large building that was both a church and a house. Inside it lived a family with a "clean diet". I don't quite remember what that meant, only that it was unique. I lied to them and said I also had the same diet to ingratiate myself to them. One of the family members, grieving, mentioned the loss of one of their own at the hands of the killers and implied that I should have been able to save them. I apologized and ultimately, the family let me stay with them to hide.

While hiding, I was contacted by two gods. I think they were Egyptian? One was male and the other female. The female god told me she'd be here to protect me for now, but that I need to start planning for my long-term safety. Meanwhile, the male god told me he would stick around until the end of time. Despite this, I knew that the female god was right and I would still need to plan for my safety in the long-term.

At some point during the night, my parents showed up. I was explaining what happened to them, but my mother, concerned, kept interrupting me. Given the urgency of the situation, I told my mom to "shut the fuck up", which took her aback, but worked. After the explanation, we decided that we needed to escape. My father promised to help me and keep me safe. For some reason, I took a black office chair with me as we made to leave.

At the bottom of a set stairs, however, was my brother, waiting with a knife. As soon as we saw him, my parents stayed to handle him, while I ran back to hide. I could hear the beginning of a conversation between him and my dad before hiding in a corner of a dark room. & then I woke up.