"If there's a prize for rotten judgement.I guess I've already won that.No man is worth the aggravation.That's ancient history. Been there, done that." You know the moment you decide to not date you meet someone and your head is screaming at you THIS IS A BAD IDEA YOU ARENT READY! And your heart is sitting there in a field of daisys saying "HE COULD BE DIFFERENT!" And the sassy Hades pops up on your shoulder to sarcastically quip "He's a guy!" So you listen to everything but logic and let yourself be led up to roof by a Scruffy Looking Nerf Herder and boom! Your an idiot falling for sky blue eyes. It had been almost 3 months since I had last spoken to Cowboy and dating was the last thing on my mind. The show was about to open and school was taking up all my time. But then the night of the cast party...was a night...I still don't know if I would go back and change it. I think I would just push myself off the roof. It would hurt less. I hadn't really noticed Nerf Herder in crew before. Only that his eyes were a blue I had only ever seen in movies. I thought him and my friend...well ex friend but we will get to that later...let's call her...Two Face, had a thing going on. And because of girl code in my mind he was off limits because of that. No matter how lovely his eyes were. But Medusa assured me she was in love with another. And I believed her so I told Nerf Herder the night of the cast party, (in a drunken stupor but hey, liquid courage never hurt) that I thought he was hot. My awkward exact words. And we went up to the roof and actually talked. Found out we had similar lives...and then he kissed me. I never told anyone this, until now but that was the best kiss I've ever had. And I knew after that I was in trouble. We didn't go far that night. I was a bit tipsy and he didn't take advantage of that. After that...wow I'm crying. This is harder than I thought. Maybe because it's so fresh. But after that i began to feel like I did with Charming. And that scared me. Like a fear that gripped me inside my soul and tore me apart. "Who'd you think you're kiddin' He's the Earth and Heaven to you Try to keep it hidden Honey, we can see right through you Girl, you can't conceal it We know how you feel and Who you're thinking of" My nerf herder was so sweet. But I kept my heart guarded and he didn't know it and still doesn't know it...but I feel for him with every sweet thing he did, I felt my guard go down little by little. But there was a wall around my heart, but the he was chipping away at my soul. Hot chocolate. Kisses in the hall. Tears in a car. Holding me when I was scared. Hercules in the basement. Love in a shower. "No chance, No way I won't say it, no, no" But something inside me told me: don't trust. And it was stronger than the voice inside me saying "it's okay." "You swoon, you sigh, Why deny it? Uh-oh" Why deny it? Because instead of inviting me that night, you invited Medusa to stay over because she was having a "bad night". A girl who yes, was your friend, but you let me drive home, crying and feeling so betrayed. I don't care how close a boy/girl friends ship is. There are boundries. But you let her sleep in your bed while I cried myself to sleep imaging her by your side. You broke my heart that night and you didn't even care. But I gave you another chance. Because I was falling in love with you and I hated myself for it. So I broke my no second chance rule for you. And you. Didn't. Even. Care. "It's too cliche I won't say I'm in love I thought my heart had learned it's lesson It feels so good when you start out My head is screaming "Get a grip, girl!" Unless you're dying to cry your heart out Oh" And cry it out I did. When you ditched me the night of the choir concert. Where everything blew up. Yes I had been pulling away too but that didn't change the fact you broke my heart first. But all I could see in my head was the note you left on my car. The one I still have...but you lied. You lied to me about how you felt about Medusa when I asked about your feelings and you said you cared about me. You lied and that I will never forgive you for. I can't. But lord I don't think you know how much I cried after that text. Seeing you at the Perforgy, killed me. I smiled and pretended like everything was okay like I was okay. But I wasn't. Before that Charming and I started talking again...he said he wanted me back and I realized I didn't love him anymore. I loved you. There I said it. I. Loved. You. "You keep on denying.Who you are and how you're feeling Baby, were not buying Hon, we saw you hit the ceiling Face it like a grown-up When you gonna own up That you got, got, got it bad?" But charming wanted me back and all I could see was you flirting with other girls. Showing up won't them at parties. When I ended up in the hospital and you didn't even care, I figured...at least Charming wanted me back and I finally knew what I meant to you. Less than nothing. And even though...Charming put me in less than easy position that night I was protecting you. At least I thought I was. But you didn't care. But I did. But I wouldn't say it aloud. But on New Years, you changed me. Because despite what anyone says... I haven't been with anyone but you, since our last night together. You have. But I haven't. No lips have touched mine. And I've told very few people about my feelings. Because at least out loud I won't say I'm in love. Part 12: Let it Go The final chapter. (For now at least)
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