I desperately want someone to be able to see through this almost impenetrable chamber of fake happiness I've slowly built up around myself, I'm forever wishing for even one person to be able to hear my painfully silent cries for help. I want someone to really listen, I want someone to really care, but most of all, I want someone to truly understand... this is no longer any choice of my own, this has completely taken me over, and with all the strength I have inside me fighting to regain control of my own life, this cruel evil monster fights back and pushes taking even more of me than it previously had. With each battle I enter, I leave with a little less of my self, it hurts, it hurts more than anything has even hurt me before, it's a constant pain, a terrifying pain, a deceitful pain. It runs after me, chases after me and when I run into the arms of safety I realise it was all one big game, I'm not safe, there is no safety, only an even greater pain disguising itself as protection, tricking me into running back into its cruel arms. This cycle never ends, and with every repeat, it drains my soul, sucking the life out of me which only strengthens this beast. I cannot win, it tears me apart and leaves me all alone at the bottom of the deepest darkest pit it can find, only to ignite a spark of hope that pulls me in filling my head with the idea that there may still be hope for me, as I get closer and closer, this feeling of hope grows and as soon as I convince myself I can do this, this beautiful light in the darkness pulls off its mask only to reveal that underneath there is an even deeper darkness, and it laughs in my face, it makes jokes about my false hope, about how weak and pathetic I am for even picturing that there is a way I can escape this. It has a hold on me, I'm in its world, a twisted maze that feeds off my pain, and what's even worse, it has trained me to only be able to find any sort of peace or comfort within it's wicked walls.
This is how I live. This is how my poison has become my medicine. This is living on ice.
