calcium

[connedcohn]

self portrait

[awaiting-my-clearest-skies]

[connedcohn]

no one is here to see this

[tachyonsplus]

Alone with the Distortion

[mournfulroses]

Nikita Gill, from her book titled "Hekate: the Witch: Poems", published in 2025

[gabapentinblues]

i think the only life that's possible for me likely ends in suicide

[nadielle]

[nikish-l]

[yousaveeveryonebutwhosavesyou]

People don’t understand how much of my life was shaped by expecting to die. I spent years not caring about anything because I didn’t think I’d be here. Now I’m behind on everything people my age figured out years ago. It’s hard to explain how exhausting it is to rebuild a life you never planned to keep.

[heavensghost]

Words from nettles by Ethel Cain

[werewolveswithdiaries]

[princesspillyyy]

[connedcohn]

rich flu 2024

[connedcohn]

i just need to vent. i feel like i’ll never have peace. even if i live separately, i still carry my parents’ problems like they’re chained to me. they’re both unemployed, relying on whoever can give them something, and i’m here just trying to survive day by day as an artist, a photographer, a musician. i’m barely making it but somehow i end up carrying their weight too.

i grew up in a violent household. typical “filipino upbringing” where kids are expected to obey, endure, and keep quiet. i learned to absorb everything, and now it feels like i’m still doing that even as an adult. my mom calls, she vents, and i listen, but it sinks into me like poison. i can’t switch it off.

i’ve been diagnosed with major depression, maybe more than that. i had to stop my meds. sometimes when it’s too much i smash things. it scares me, but i don’t know how else to release it.

i want to move farther away, start over, but i can’t. i keep thinking about them. and i keep thinking about my younger brother, he’s only 16, still stuck in that house. i’m scared he’ll end up like me, carrying all this pain, repeating the same cycle.

this is also one of the reasons why my partner and i decided not to have kids. we’re putting a stop to this curse.

i know i deserve my own life. my own peace. my own freedom. and maybe if i find a way to break away, i can at least show my brother that it’s possible.

i will not let this cycle define me.

[vicodin-white]

[l3iii-deactivated20241027]

So I’m guessing we’re all growing old with each other on tumblr.

[connedcohn]

thank you for letting me eat alone

[mooncoredreamer]