When we had an absent father, we are constantly under the spell of the missing father, in an eternal, unconscious pursuit of the ideal father figure and because of that, we can hardly detach ourselves from that archetypal shadow that lures in our inner world.
Survival was not a sufficient goal for me.
Sure, I went to therapy to undo some of my childhood trauma to be able to swerve around my lineal addiction patterns and give my children a different future.
But I had to keep walking further into my unconscious, into my inner world.
Repairing some of my ego functions was not enough (still ongoing). I had go on a quest to repair my missing father archetype, and now I have begun the rebuilding process, I have walked into a strange, strange world.
I do not know what it is like to be a fathered daughter. It now often feels as if I have to re-learn to walk with that extra inner pillar that went missing shortly after my birth.
I do not know the language, the culture, the habits, the mannerisms of a fathered daughter.
Now that I am living life with a grafted father presence, it can be disorienting, at times.
I think thoughts my inner world has never met, only dreamt of.
A newly found ease to draw strength, a willingness to face conflict, confidence, assertiveness in situations where my sense of self would cave onto itself a thousand times a day.
I seem to have gained boundaries muscles, without guilt hangovers.
A certain inner solidity that I am still getting used to.
It is a strange new land to be a fathered daughter.
When we enter a new dimension of psychic integration and transformation, it can feel as if we starting over. That we still have so much to heal. What happened to the work we just completed in therapy this last long while?
But we are harvesting new territories in the psyche, new corners in the soul.
The healing will continue to sprout and fester into small moments of victories, rarely acknowledged because we're so single-focused on the holes remaining in our psyche.
ellievsbear
areudirty
dailybridgerton
theartofmadeline
gracieabrams