I’ve been asked by a few friends to write a ‘public’ rant regarding our mutual distaste of new age fuckery. At first I was opposed to the idea, assured that I’d certainly offend people in the least and at most I’d surely lose a couple of friends in the community. But I thought to myself, fuck it. I need to be a voice for my fellow realists, so here it goes:
Within any community you can categorize different groups of people and the yoga community is no different. I won’t bore you with the details of all of the ‘types’ of yogis there are. You can google an article about that any day. I’m going to hone in on a group that runs rampage through most yoga communities: The Lalalanders.
Lalaland was a term dubbed by (I think) me initially, but it’s used as common slang among many people in my community to describe new age bullshit. Now, before your chakras get all un-alligned let me just say that I am a spiritual person myself and not all new age stuff is bullshit however, I see a lot that is and I see a lot of people living for this self serving spirituality.
Self serving spirituality is a funny thing, all of a sudden all of your responsibilities and accountability just flies out the window. You can talk your way out of nearly anything by saying things like “It wasn’t in my path”, “It wasn’t meant to be” and “The universe”
Ashley is fired for not showing up to work. Friend asks Ashley why is is unemployed. Ashley replies, “It just wasn’t in my path, it wasn’t meant to be”
Reality: No Ashley, you’re a lazy piece of shit employee and now you’re on the path to being broke. Great choice though.
Scott goes to visit his family on holidays, gets in an argument with his father and leaves early. Scott’s mother asks Scott why he left suddenly without telling anyone. Scott replies, “There was just a bad energy and the universe gave me signs to leave”
Reality: Scott, you really need to seek help for your inability to deal with confrontation and perhaps you need therapy for your daddy issues.
Amanda has a husband, but she’s unsatisfied with her sex life so she sleeps with a co-worker. When her husband confronts her about being unfaithful Amanda replies, “I felt called by the universe to reconnect with my sacred, divine vagina and you just weren’t on my path so I found someone who I aligned with”
Reality: No Amanda, nothing about your vagina is divine or sacred- *whispers* you’re a whore. And that’s cool and all but, maybe get a divorce before you start on your slutscapade.
This whole new age business is just that, a business. These people talk shit, from a place of egotistic narcissism and literally sell it to you. You have to pay for their ‘services’ ...essentially you’re paying to have someone who is no greater than yourself, tell you what you can and should be doing with your life.
You don’t need to pay to be spoken to condescendingly. These people preach empowerment. How’s this for empowerment - you don’t need someone else to tell you to do anything or how to live. Stop paying these Lalalander’s rent by attending bullshit workshops.
Workshops are great, lots have value - but not all. Really consider what you’re supposed to take away from a workshop and if it will add value to your life. And by the way, check credentials.
If I’m going to pay to go to a feminist workshop to empower and build a community of women, I expect the person leading the workshop to have at least read a few books on feminism if not have done a course on women’s studies.
If I’m going to a sexuality workshop, the host better have specialized in sexuality in some way shape or form. I’ve had a lot of sex, and that doesn’t qualify me enough to host a workshop marketting myself as some kind of sex guru.
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