Cuddly Pervert

he/they | multifandom + random junk | main fandom is over at @gavinisqueer

[thirtyskeletons]

Any day now

[thirtyskeletons]

people have suddenly started reblogging this post of mine from february 8th, 2012. great bit everybody

[thirtyskeletons]

[rohirric-hunter]

Ever since I got a job as a security guard I can’t take heist movies seriously anymore.

[edgar-allan-possum]

Why is that?

[rohirric-hunter]

Accurate heist movie: The Team is sneaking into a high security facility. An alarm is triggered, they freeze, prepared to knock out whoever responds to the alarm. It takes 40 minutes for someone to respond. When they finally do show up, they shuffle along, annoyed, arms full of 16 bags of pretzels for some reason, and reset the alarm without bothering to check their surroundings. They report that the alarm went off in error. Security control starts a fight about the correct designation of the door. The guard announces that they’re leaving the alarm key in the alarm because it’s always going off for no reason. No one challenges them on this. They shuffle away, leaving an alarm key and several bags of pretzels behind.

The Team knocks out a security guard and steals their radio. The team mimic can perfectly replicate the knocked out guard’s voice. They get caught because they pronounced the name of the company correctly.

The Team disables an alarm. The only way to do this is to rip it out of the wall and disassemble it until it physically can’t make noise anymore. This very loud process is clearly heard by the posted security guard nearby, who rolls their eyes and text their supervisor that the logistics contractors are fooling with the alarms again.

The Team breaks into the facility at night. There they meet a single security guard who is chanting potential names for NPCs in their DnD campaign out loud while they do their patrols. They encounter a fire extinguisher. They pause in their chanting to check that it is properly charged and to apply a sticker that reads, “Anal use only”. This guy is disgustingly good at their job. There’s no way around it, they’re going to catch you. And you’re going to have to deal with the fact that you’ve been had by someone who has a supply of stickers that say “Anal use only” and who unironically wanted to name their NPC shopkeep Mammogrammus.

The Team attempts to bribe a security guard. This is its own post but know there’s no way in hell that would work.

The Team breaks into the high security room and disables all the alarms. Security control sends several guards to investigate why there are no alarms going off.

The Team attempts to break into the high security room but can’t because it’s randomly decided not to let anyone at all in today.

The Team steals a keycard with “””””unlimited””””” access to the facility and gets caught because the computer system that manages keycards randomly revokes access for no reason.

The Team walks past a security guard in broad daylight wearing T-shirts that say, “We are here to rob you”. The security guard does nothing, having seen several people in logistics wearing that exact shirt two days prior.

[lew-basnight]

The Team abandons their high-tech high-concept plans and pull up to the front door in a battered van. Wearing blue jumpsuits or work clothes, they trudge into the lobby carrying bundles of cable and tools, and in a show of class solidarity the security guard just unlocks everything.

[adventures-in-a-world-of-fiction]

A story I once heard from a guy who specialised in security testing for IT. They had been hired to test out the security of the company, and one of the things they were testing was whether they could physically get secure data out of the building.

The guy walked in with a trolley with a wobbly wheel, loaded half a dozen computers onto the trolley so that they were unstable, and walked up to the main security door. At which point, the trolley wobbled and there was an avalanche of computers. The security guard helped him load the computers back onto the trolley and then held the door open for him as he walked out with six computers loaded with company secrets.

[listeningboy]

this was in the elevator at the retirement home 💀

[konoko]

always daydreaming about a scenario where i meet someone who's completely in love with me. true feelings, not just love bombing or hiding things from me

[the-supernatural-atheist]

if theres one thing that really pissed me off from my 3 years of architecture i took in high school it's learning about how we used to have all these little techniques to maximize or minimize heat or warmth and now we just merrily abandoned all those to have the same copypaste style buildings everywhere that are often INCREDIBLY unoptimized to the local weather and climate so we can just throw more money at our heating and cooling bills

[the-supernatural-atheist]

where i live it is hot as balls approximately 80% of the year. i do not want a massive butt-ugly grey mcmansion with a huge echoey open-concept kitchen-livingroom-foyer-diningroom-staircase that has huge windows so i can have an hvac unit the size of a barge heaving and straining to keep it at a constant 72 the grees. i want a north indian traditional style home with small windows to force the airflow to cool, decorative grates to limit the amount of sunlight, and a COURTYARD with a POND *smashes unspecified large object*

[makaeru]

I hate learning about instances of "oh yeah we know how to do that, we just don't".

[writerswritecompany]

[toskarin]

thanks google

[rollerska8er]

there's 👏 still 👏 time 👏

[thememedaddy]

[dykeselfcest]

it is unfortunate that there's no reason for most people to remember high school chemistry because the best analogy I have found for "the amount of energy that it takes me to initiate a task, which can be higher than the amount of energy it takes to actually complete the task" is "activation energy" and it's not precisely perfect but

yeah. and you can even include "thing that reduces the barrier to doing the task" as a catalyst/enzyme

anyway. unfortunately this does not actually clarify anything for the average person. but #ToMe it works

[salvadorbonaparte]

"on god's green earth" is way too fun to say even when you don't believe in god and know most of it is blue, actually

[ashlgcostumes]

Tag via @bluehairedspidey and vocabulary updated

[specialagentartemis]

my petty gripe about anachronism in historical/fantasy/spec-fic worlds is attraction language.

We’ve all heard the “should you use modern queer labels or not” argument but honestly even when people go “true, they wouldn’t use the labels ‘aromantic’ or ‘asexual,’” so often the characters describe their experiences as “I never felt romantic attraction” or “I don’t feel attracted to anyone” in ways that makes me go. You are stilllllll thinking about this in an extraordinarily modern online way. That 19th century steampunk detective man will NOT be angsting about having never felt romantic attraction, he would be angsting about being unable to feel moved by the beauty or charm of a woman, or something. And I do think that “attractiveness” language is different from the identity-level idea of experiencing attraction—Sherlock Holmes does not talk about not experiencing attraction, but when Watson says “What a very attractive woman!” Holmes responds “Is she? I did not observe.” (And then Watson calls him an inhuman automaton and calculating-machine and Holmes calls Watson’s judgement biased). Never swayed by the attractiveness of a man or woman, never desirous of marriage, never charmed by the delights of love, all of these feel like some of the variety of ways that someone in this milieu might describe an ace- or aro-spectrum identity more than “never felt attraction” does. Mostly because, like the terms for aromantic and asexual themselves, nailing down an exclusively attraction-based definition of a-spec identities is a relatively new and extremely post-AVEN thing. And yet in fiction everybody knows to articulate their experience as feeling sexual/romantic attraction. And I always want to go nooo how would THIS character think about it?? Not how you think this character SHOULD think about it, how would THIS person in THIS context articulate their feelings?

[meradorm-archive-deactivated202]

*sits down to write a smut fic* The plot of this smut fic is that Character A believes himself abandoned by God.

[teaboot]

Can I be honest with yall I don't want to hear SHIT against cishets at pride this year

[teaboot]

"But it's not FOR them!!!" The biggest military power in the world belongs to a christofascist nation overseen by a felon found guilty of 34 federal crimes and has greenlit a gestapo with more direct funding than the entire military of Canada for the purpose of ethnic cleansing. Let Hetero Jessica throw some biodegradable glitter at a municipal parade

[teaboot]

At this point if anyone is trying to exclude anyone benignly pro-queer from a pro-queer space I'm just going to assume you're a fed or something idk like something something destabilize the movement from within or whatever

[theconcealedweapon]

You can't gatekeep LGBT events, for two main reasons:

You can't clearly define who's LGBT. Even someone who could pass as 100% cishet in their everyday life could be LGBT. Someone in an opposite gender relationship could be bisexual. Someone could be questioning their sexuality, even slightly, or maybe they did in the past or will in the future. It also isn't just people who identify as a non-assigned gender or have romantic or sexual attraction to the same gender that are oppressed. Even those who simply deviate from gender roles while still technically being cishet can be oppressed for it.

Requiring LGBT status as a condition for entry to LGBT events requires LGBT people to be out. And being out can be dangerous, so it should never be required.

The only people who shouldn't be welcome are those who are harmful to LGBT people. Examples include people who are openly anti-LGBT, all cops, and Christians who aren't actively trying to take Christianity back from bigots.

[iconuk01]

Banksy has confirmed that a new statue erected in London is his work and I think it might be one of my favourite pieces by him.

Called "Blinded by the Flag" it... actually, you don't need me to explain it, it's art, you'll get it and interpret it yourself.

It's in Waterloo Place, Central London, if you're nearby.

[matrixdragon]

The first photo had me nodding, and then the full shot nearly killed me laughing. Perfection!

[nentuaby]

Banksy is a really interesting case of an artist being catastrophically overrated without being a complete hack. Like you start to think "oh God, him again" but then he puts up something Actually Good and it's kind of like getting slapped with a fish, but somehow in a positive way.

[ryhsrunner]

The four most interesting parts of time loop are when the person kills themselves for the first time, when they kill someone else for the first time (in a fuck around kind of way, this doesn't count if they already were killing people outside of the loop), how they break the loop, and the weeks afterward where they loose their fucking minds in an entirely different, significantly more damaging to the world around them way. And yet I rarely see anything done with that last one. People leave time loops and are all happy go lucky 'oh boy'. Where's the grappling with people you know who will never know you? Where's the knowledge that the safety of the loop is gone, and you can't fix any mistakes you make? That's the good angst I want

[angel-in-shibari]

[daughter-of-sapph0]

infinite handcuffs hack

[daco-showman]

why can rockstar games institutionalise you for life like nikita kruschev for being autistic

[ivy-michaels]

He didn't steal 10 million dollars. They made that number up as a loss, they never fucking had it. Rockstar has spent more than a billion fucking dollars on GTA VI and will likely make billions more when it gets released.

Uber is a fucking shell game of a company designed to leech investor capital and output bootleg cabs.

Nvidia posted a profit in 2023 of $4.37 billion. This is like someone stealing less than a penny from me.

And they lock this kid in a prison hospital for LIFE?

Capitalism is disgusting.

[fuckblast]

Nobody should buy GTA til they free Arion Kurtaj

[ivy-michaels]

What with GTA VI going up for pre-order i'd just like to remind everyone that rockstar conspired with the UK government to lock an 18-year-old away for life for hacking them.