just a lot of love

I just recommend my fav fics and blurbs here! So if you need some new material you can find my faves here !

[littlefluu]

𓍯𓂃𓂃𓂃 F I C R E C S

i. about me ii. my library iii. recent enhypen recs

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!! this blog is for me to find the fanfics I liked reading! If you find a fanfic on here that you liked, please check the author out and leave a like, a comment and reblog their posts! No matter how sall or big, every writer loves feedback!!

If you have any good recommendations, don´t be shy and send them in so that i can add them onto the lists!

[littlefluu]

I am searching for a fic series about vampire!enha that was mainly focused on Sunghoon? It was set in a penthouse and enha and Y/N were neighbours, living in apartments close by? I couldn't find the time to read it when it first came out, and now I can't seem to find it :((

[simjaeyuns]

five months - n.rk

summary: stopping by your old friends' house to pick up an item brings out an entire host of emotions from both sides. genre: angst, fluff, estranged friends to lovers word count: 6.8k warnings: finally hopping on the smoker riki trend: peer pressure (kinda) riki's a lil mean :( protective bestie jake, swearing, arguing, kinda gives that scene from hereditary when she crashes out ngl, bittersweet ending depending on how you look at it

when he opened the door, you didn't know what to expect.

it had been months since you had really seen him, spoken to him. about five, to be exact. and a lot could change in five months. as you stood in the doorway, looking at his blank expression, you wondered how much of it truly had. did he still like spontaneous convenience store runs? did he still go for late-night drives and play loud music, even if you weren't there with him?

as you looked at his features under the soft glow of the hallway's light, though, you saw that some things never changed. his hair, the bleached blonde he'd dyed it months ago, remained on full display, just like the chrome hearts rings and baggy clothes he wore along his tall frame.

you remember the day he had dyed it, actually. it had been weeks after you'd stopped speaking to each other; he'd just shown up to campus with it and undercut to complement it. he'd talked about doing it months beforehand with you, even stayed up certain nights showing you pictures of the shade he'd thought about going for. it's funny, how he'd only gone through with it after he stopped being your friend. makes you wonder what else had changed since then.

but as the door swayed open and the scent of vetiver and smoke wafted through the air, you knew for certain some habits, at least, never changed. even the ones you wish he'd kick.

"book's on the table," is all he says, leaving the door open as he steps away, not even taking the time to greet you properly.

ouch, you think. based on the cold intro, the average person would have never guessed you and riki were long-term friends. but contrary to that belief, the man whose eyes couldn't be bothered to meet yours once looked at you with adoration. his eyes were kinder then, his voice gentler. outside of that.....he still carried himself the same. but you knew the truth. no matter how much he looked, seemed, or felt like it, the man who walked with the same air of nonchalance was not the same one you'd been friends with for years.

"thanks," you squeak out, trying to convince yourself that his tone, actions, and general indifference don't bother you. after all, it had been the only thing you came for, right? the book.

so with a huff, you stepped into his apartment.

it feels strange, being back there. the very room that once brought you comfort all those years now feels unfamiliar.

had it always been so dark there? the room is dimly lit, with big black curtains drawn along the windows behind the couch. the blankets that lie across the seats were the same color, matching so well with his rug, you almost couldn't tell where they both ended. he'd always adored the color, so you suppose it had always been this way. never seemed to notice it between the late-night ice cream runs or when you'd come back with bags of dried ramen. no, those memories felt far too bright for this place.

your eyes continue to float around the room you once thought you knew so well, as if looking for any more changes. you notice only a few; his bookshelf is a few editions lighter, consisting of mainly manga now, based on the looks of it. the furniture has been moved around in a more traditional sense, no longer hugging the corners and edges of the living room, no. they now sit dead center.

you wonder if he still dances. it's the reason why he'd move the furniture out of the way in the first place. that, plus when you'd attempt to join him and play just dance with him on weekends. you hope it's a hobby he kept; it always seemed to make him happy.

ignoring the sting in your chest, your eyes seem to find the much bigger changes now. the wall next to the kitchen, which previously sported a great big tapestry, now remained empty, a dull shade of white like all the rest in the room.

this time, however, you can't seem to ignore the pang in your chest. you had gotten him that tapestry (black with a duck meme on it) as a gag gift years prior; and he'd loved it. you suppose you didn't expect him to keep it up after everything that's happened but...seeing it gone; a piece of you gone from his space hurts more than you thought it would.

upon falling from the blank wall, your eyes finally land on it. the book, your old one you'd taken notes in, and had been meaning to get for months. it sits prettily along the dining room table, just as riki said it would.

it's what you came for, but the second it's in your hands, you feel your heart drop.

because this really may be the end.

a week ago, you were surprised he'd even answered when you messaged him. thought for sure he'd had your number blocked with how swiftly he ignored you on campus. but no, he'd responded only minutes after you'd explained you'd needed them for an upcoming test for the end of your course. he'd told you to come pick it up whenever, just to let him know beforehand that you were coming.

so you did, spent the entire week nervous about what to do, to wear, and how to act when you'd gotten here. you'd wondered what you'd talk about, if anything, at all. spent the days running through scenarios and the possibilities of what could happen upon finally seeing your old best friend again. would you talk about your friendship? how did you two get to that point? maybe even....grow close again?

and now....you were here, and all the colorful possibilities that you thought could happen...simply hadn't. and as the stark reality of the situation set in, you felt the weight of the book in your hands grow heavier.

because once you grabbed it and left, there'd be nothing else. no other tether or line keeping you to him. no other reason to text him out of the blue. no other reason to....come back.

so as you stood under the dim light of the living room, you knew you had to do something. anything than just walk out of his life.

"thanks again, riki." you reiterate, turning to face the blonde who sits comfortably on the couch, his eyes trained on the screen. "i uh, really appreciate it."

"uh-huh." he responds, not even bothering to look away from the television as he speaks. his hands rest along the handles of a gaming controller, which he slowly places to the side along the arm of the couch.

you think he's about to stand up afterwards, but he simply leans over to the coffee table to reach for a lit joint, and places it between his lips. he doesn't say much after that, nothing at all in fact. simply closes his eyes and leans back into the couch, taking in the pleasure from the hit as he lets out a low, smoky breath.

based on his silence, you're sure he's expecting you to leave. but even with the book in your hand, your feet can't seem to move from their position.

so you don't even bother trying. instead, you plant them like roots, and stand your ground. "i uh...." you start, not entirely sure where you want to go with it. just that you need to say something. "i.....see you went with the blonde."

you nearly wince at your own statement. it's supposed to be a compliment, an acknowledgement of the style. but it feels late; months late, actually.

riki's eyes flicker back open, a soft expression of shock in his features. almost as if remembering you're still there; that you haven't left his apartment yet. "yeah," he breathes again, lighter wisps of smoke leaving his lips. "i did."

"it looks nice," you say, even if it is too late. and despite the embarrassment in your chest, you can't stop yourself from speaking to him. because you truly don't know if it'll be the last chance you get too. "and i always used to say it'd wash you out." you add jokingly, trying to lighten the mood.

he bites his lip, turning his head so that his gaze rests on you. "you sure did." is all he says, before he turns back to the television.

the short responses absolutely kill you inside, but you continue to talk anyway. you'd known riki for years, shared disagreements and stubborn attitudes. you knew exactly which buttons to push to upset him and he, yours. it wasn't the first time he'd given you sass, and you know he'd crack eventually.

"guess i was wrong," you say with a smile, and a slightly awkward chuckle leaves your lips. "guess things change."

his gaze lands on you again, this time sharper, with sprinkles of annoyance. it lingers there for a while, as if studying your disposition. then, quietly, and laced with an unmistakable ring of truth, he speaks again. "yeah," he agrees, nodding slowly. "things do change."

you nearly stiffen as his eyes float back to the television. who knew one word, spoken in such a tone, could carry so much weight? could hurt so much?

the burning sensation in your chest continues to spread, but you don't give in to it. not when your friendship is on the line. so instead of focusing on all of the differences you've noticed, you look for something familiar to bond over, anything at all.

and you're in luck, because as he picks up the gaming controller again, your eyes follow his to the pixelated animal on the screen. "oh, crash bandicoot!" you say, a smile, though softer, still on your face. "you still play, huh?"

it was the one game you'd always be better than him at. he'd always try to collect more wumpa fruit than you, and beat your high score, only to fall short every time. "yup," he responds, flicking the controls of the remote diligently until one of them took him to the menu. "was just about to turn it off."

"oh," you start, shocked by his blunt response. usually, he'd crack by now. when he was your friend, he'd never been able to stay so nonchalant with you for so long. when he was your friend, he'd never left you feeling so cold. "okay, well i just-"

"(y/n)," he interrupts, his tone dipping like the light from the screen as the game system began to shut down. "other than the book, is there anything else you need?"

you shrug, unsure of what to say, yourself. yes, you'd techinally gotten what you came for, but couldn't shake the feeling that something was still missing. he didn't owe you anything, really, but you wondered why it stung so bad when he asked you, or why, despite the heat and warmth of smoke that wafted through the room, it felt so cold between you two. or why it was so hard to just say the words i missed you, to the man who once was your best friend.

"i just....." you breathed, looking around the place you'd once called a second home. "just wanted to talk a bit, that's all."

he snorts, then puts the joint between his lips again, as if the very idea is preposterous. "m'kay,"

despite the chill in his voice, the snort is the closest thing you've gotten towards a real breakthrough. so you chase it.

"i did," you say, suddenly feeling a bit more at ease. and when he lets out a huff of smoke, you get an idea. "maybe i came here to smoke some, too."

that causes him to look at you properly now, a blonde brow of his cocked. "oh yeah?"

"mhm," you respond, finally having the courage to move your feet. they take you to the seat of the loveseat right next to the couch riki sits on, and you plop down.

riki lets out another wisp, smaller, thinner due to the way he bites his lip. "mm," he murmurs. "something i can actually help you with, then."

based on his tone, you're sure he thinks you're kidding. and any other day, you would be. you were never much a fan of weed in the first place, and for a while, neither was he. it was something he picked up during your second year on campus and just....never seemed to drop.

but despite your general indifference toward the drug, tonight felt different. it wasn't your hobby, but it was his, and you'd needed something, anything to connect with him over. you needed him to feel like your friend again.

so before you could psych yourself out, you reach over and grab the joint from his fingertips, and brought it to your lips.

big mistake.

because as soon as you breathe in the smoke, the heat that fills your lungs is instant. sends you into a fit of coughing as you hunch over the table for air.

riki reaches over in an instant, patting your back. "(y/n), why would you-" he pauses, letting out a huff that let's you know he's a little more sober-minded. "i can't believe you actually did that."

you lift your head up, finally finding clean air with the help of his back pats. he'd taught you how to smoke when he first started, but that had been ages ago. you hadn't touched a blunt since then, hadn't even expected to, tonight.

he hadn't expected you to, either. not with how he eyes you as he leans back into his spot on the couch. and especially not with how he grabs the joint from your hands, as if he's afraid you'll do something rash again.

but what's done is already done, and the effects of the blunt start to take effect. suddenly your limbs feel heavier, your head searching for the comfort of the cushion as you lean back. you want to sink into the loveseat.

and despite the weight of your body, for a brief moment in time, your heart feels light. you want to laugh. because it's funny. the situation at hand, the coughing, riki's reaction.

or it least, it could have been funny. maybe could have even been a moment of connection between you two. you were almost tempted to make a joke about how he'd probably need to teach you again, but that's when you see it.

his expression, now sobered up by the events of the last few minutes, has hardened. annoyance rests in his features as he presses the lit end of the joint in the ashtray, as if some unknown entitity fucked up his high.

and that's when his gaze returns to you, for (only) the third time tonight. you wish it hadn't. because the expression he wears, riddled with annoyance and resentment, grows further. his eyes, once widened with concern at your coughing, have slimmed to a squint.

as if the expression weren't bad enough, he lets out another low huff, one that screams irritation as he mutters his next words. "shit, (y/n)," he starts. "i really didn't want to have to babysit tonight."

and as the words leave his lips, whatever smile that remained upon your lips falls completely. because of course, he's not your friend anymore, not really. he's just the guy who wanted to enjoy a night to himself, and you're the girl who ruined it all. the girl who still doesn't know how to smoke, and can't handle her own high.

regret fills your stomach, and the bitter taste of shame rests on your tongue. this entire night you'd been trying to get back to him, your best friend, when the reality was clear. with how he'd been brushing you off throughout the entire visit, and the weeks before that, you'd never had any real chance. no, the boy you once knew had been long lost, just like the dark hair he'd sported once, and the silly tapestry he once kept by the kitchen.

your heart grows heavy, and you start to feel the stupid book slip from your grasp. whatever high you'd planned on having passes just as quickly as it comes. because nothing feels remotely funny anymore, and the last place you want to be is in that loveseat.

so it doesn't matter that your legs still feel a bit heavy. not when he'd made it clear throughout the entire time that he doesn't want you there. determined to prove you can in fact get yourself home on your own and do not need to be babysat, you sit up straight in the chair, willing yourself to move.

annoyance floods your own body now. annoyance with yourself, how hard you'd tried to reach him tonight, and how you couldn't ever since you walked into this apartment, your legs have hardly been able to get out of this stupid stuck state.

you feel a burning sensation from behind your eyes. it's useless. you're in no state to drive back home, and as much as you hate to admit it, riki is right.

but even if it is the case, you refuse to be somewhere that you're clearly no longer wanted. so with one hand, you tighten your grip around the book you're holding. and the other reaches into your back pocket for your phone, desperate to call his number before the tears begin to fall.

riki leans over, muttering something about the joint he puts out, but you can't hear a thing. not over his tone and the muffled ringing in your ears. still, the audacity of him mentioning the joint again is enough to send you over the edge, the tears threatening to spill.

"fuck you, riki." you speak, not bothering to look up from your phone as you search for jake's contact. it's the same treatment he'd been giving you all night, so why would it matter if he'd got it back, right?

riki pauses, as if shocked by the sudden outburst. "(y/n), i just don't get why you'd-"

"then forget about it!" you nearly yell, finally tapping on jake's contact. "you don't need to worry about me, then."

and he doesn't. and you don't have the heart to explain why you did it. because telling him you'd felt like he'd cared more about chasing some stupid high that whole night hurt too much to put into words. and the fact that he'd been treating the joint with more reverence than your entire presence would have had the tears flowing.

riki sighs, looking at the way you clutch your phone like a lifeline. "there's no need to call a lyft, i can just-"

"fuck off, seriously." you tell him. "i'm calling jake. i'm calling my friend."

and for some reason, that's the comment that lands. not the swear words, not the constant checking in on him, but the very mention of the word 'friend' stuns him into silence. and from the corner of your eye, you see it. a crack in his facade, a break in the nonchalance. with his brows furrowed under the low light and mouth agape from the comment, he looks truly hurt.

after a moment of silence, he speaks again. "you don't need to do that," he says, biting his lip. "you don't need to call jake, i can-"

"can you just leave me alone?" you have to stop yourself from yelling, should his neighbors be trying to sleep. you look up from your phone now, practically shaking from anger. "you know, like you've been doing for the past five months."

his expression of hurt shifts into something harder again, deeper. and you know you've lit a fire. he scoffs, his nonchalant act dropping the second you uttered the word 'months'.

"me?" he says, pointing to himself in disbelief, as if he couldn't fathom the way you saw the story. "i didn't leave, i never left you alone." he spoke louder now, a flush rising along his neck.

"yes you did, riki!" you finally yell, dropping your phone to the side of the loveseat. "you haven't spoken to me in so long!" your voice cracks at the end of the sentence, and you don't know how much longer you can keep the tears at bay.

"and what about you?" he snaps back, pointing at the notebook at that sits in your lap. "you only messaged me because you needed something." he frowns, a deep and vulnerable expression of hurt in his eyes. "not because you actually cared."

your heart stings at this. because.....he isn't completely wrong. of course, you had cared, contrary to his belief, but you never felt comfortable reaching out for so many reasons. he'd gotten a new friend group, taken up new hobbies, and had changed so much since you'd last known him. at least the notebook had given you an excuse to insert yourself back into his life. remained the one thing, no matter how small, that connected you two.

so in a strained voice, you tell him exactly that.

"i did care, riki. i do care!" you started, defensiveness at the candor of his statement rising from within you. "i wanted to reach you so badly today, but you couldn't seem to be bothered by anything that wasn't that stupid joint."

your breathing quickens. "all you can do since i've been here is look at me like you're soo annoyed, so sick and tired of me," you continue, your voice breaking.

and it was true, because ever since you had walked through the door, it was the one thing he seemed to really care for; the one constant. if anything, you were sure that had been the reason for the falling out in the first place.

"well it's been nearly half a year, (y/n)." he speaks, his lip quivering as he mutters your name. "so sorry if.....if i'm not waiting here with open arms."

the pain in his voice is palpable, and for a moment, you feel bad for even expecting it to be one of the outcomes.

riki runs a hand through his hair, his eyes trailing along your features. he seems to have sobered up slightly, because his tone, though strained, lowers just a tad. "and the weed it's just-" he sighs, throwing his hands in the air before letting them fall again. "it's something that makes me feel better; it's not to offend you, or make you feel like i cared more about it...or that i'm annoyed by you-"

"well it did, riki!" you snap back, the months' worth of your thoughts finally spilling out. "it has today, and it has for months, the day you decided to drop me to smoke with your new friends all the time."

for the first time that night, he seems legitimately taken aback. "what?" he exclaims, the disbelief at your accusation causing his volume to rise again. "i never dropped you, (y/n)!"

"but you did, riki!" you respond, not even trying to control your volume anymore. "you used to love hanging out with me!" you can feel your throat tighten at your own words. "before your new crew came, and back when i still mattered to you."

"you've always mattered to me, (y/n)!" he croaks. "and yes i loved hanging out with you, i loved.....i love-" his eyes flicker to the ceiling, as if he wants to say something. he ultimately decides against it, opting for a completely new sentence. "but you didn't need me anymore!"

the sentence alone stuns you into silence. and for a beat, you sit there. what on earth did he mean? all you knew was that for that point in time, all you needed was your best friend. you didn't understand why that had been such a difficult thing to grasp. so you ask.

"what do you mean, i didn't need you?" you scoff. "you were my best friend, i've always needed you, always wanted you!"

his voice drops an octave, though his tone still carries something deep, heavy. you feel it might be worse than him simply yelling. "no, you didn't."

he shrugs, his eyes, still full of hurt, leave you as his gaze falls to the floor. "you'd.....had it all. a new scholarship for the next semester, a charming new boyfriend, a new friend group of your own."

the bitterness of his tone isn't lost on you as you recall the past few months. sure, the facts themselves had been right, but the way he'd told them....simply didn't resonate with you.

yes, you had gotten a new scholarship, but it was one you were almost guaranteed to get. and the new friends you'd made had been in the same boat. and sure, you'd had a boyfriend at the time, but it had only lasted a few weeks. certainly not long enough to matter in the grand scheme of things.

"you mean mike?" you think that had been his name at least, could hardly remember, really. "we'd only dated for like a week!" you say. "why would that even matter-"

riki's head falls back, and he lets out a deep groan. "it wasn't him, that was the problem, (y/n)." he bit his lip again. "it was what he stood for."

and for the first time since you'd stepped into this apartment, you'd done more listening than talking.

"he was some lit major with a minor in something sciency and you'd just got accepted into this new program that-" he pauses, turning back to you for a second. "that i was very proud of you for, by the way,"

you bit your lip again, now wanting to cry for a completely different reason as he continued.

"and it just seemed like-" he paused again. "your life was headed in this direction that i.....i couldn't follow, you know?" his voice breaks at the last word, and swear you can hear tears forming in his throat.

he clears his throat once more, and he looks up at you with a new shine over his eyes. "you were going to steady with this accomplished guy and getting ready for your new semester and i....." he swallows hard. "i had known you for so long but i was just....your friend who was a dance major...and smoked sometimes."

and in an instant, it all clicks. the pain in his voice, the insecurity in his statements. the way he'd attempted to shut you out earlier to hide it. "riki," you respond, shifting in your seat. "i never judged you for that."

sure, it had never been your cup of tea, but you'd never flat-out push him away because of it. not when he mattered so much to you.

"it didn't feel like it," riki says, a strand of hair falling between his shining eyes. "not when you started dating someone who was the complete opposite of me."

when you think of mike, you can hardly seem to recall anything significant about him. you don't even remember who broke up with who, or how it had happened. because around that time you'd lost something much deeper. your friendship with riki. and that heartache alone cut deeper than any old breakup.

it was amazing that riki seemed to remember, though, even to the point of comparing himself to the guy. you weren't sure that it had mattered so much, at the end of the day, to you, that's all he had been to you. just another boyfriend.

riki had seen a few come and go, but you figured he'd known the truth. that no matter how many you'd had, you'd always put your best friend above them all.

"i don't understand, riki...." you shake your head in disbelief. "why would that even matter, you were my best friend-"

his gaze drops from yours, and he lets out a low, bitter chuckle. the soft smile finds his features for the first time tonight, even if it seems to be in irony. "that was the problem, (y/n)." he spoke softly, a stark contrast from the volume you'd both used only moments ago. "i was always just your friend."

and it all makes sense.

you can't seem to bring yourself to stop the tears from spilling over now, at the moment of his new revelation. "oh," is all you can bring yourself to say.

he snickers again, quiet, now completely sober. "yeah," he repeats, brushing the strand of blonde hair from his eyes. "oh," he repeats, as if not even shocked by your reaction. as if this was the only way he'd ever seen it going.

"well, riki you never told me that.....i just-" you start, wiping furiously at your face, trying to rid it of tears that spilled over. "how come you never said anything to me?"

"because it never felt safe to, (y/n)," he huffed, looking up at you with the eyes of someone heartbroken far too many times. heartbroken by you, far too many times. "it was never going to be me and it just.....felt easier to turn to one thing that made me feel good."

and there it is; the truth as clear as day. he'd never pushed you away intentionally, never dropped you for a new group of friends. he'd simply gravitated to a place where he felt less judged, even if he hadn't outwardly told you he'd felt like it.

"well, riki i still wish you had said something," and it's true. you'd have taken anything, the truth, a broken confession, anything but losing your best friend these past few months. "i can't-" you sniffle, a broken, bitter laugh leaving your throat. "i can't read your mind, you know?"

he pauses for a moment, his gaze unshakingly trained on you for the first time tonight. he pauses, a soft smile still etched into his features as he watches you carefully. "you used to be able to," he muttered. "i swear, you could."

and you knew exactly what he meant.

you two, not so long ago, were practically inseparable. knew him like the back of your hand, and vice versa. and with that, you came to understand all, if not most, of his tells. how could you not, after knowing him for so long? with a flick of his brow, you knew when he was bored, craving a snack run, or simply wanted to go home. you read him like a book, and he the same; you'd jokingly call it telepathy.

and now, looking at the young man who sat before you with tear-stained eyes, you weren't sure just how true it was anymore.

for a moment, you both sit in silence, the low hum of the vent finding the decency to stop and give you time to think things through. then, before you can stop yourself, you say it.

"riki....what happened to us?"

he bites his lips again, his sad smile melting away as he shrugs slowly. "i don't know," he says, a soft vulnerability behind his dark eyes. "but i....uh," he starts, looking down at his lap, as if it'd help him find the words.

"i really," he breathes, lowly, then swallows as he looks back up at you. the layer of shine over his eyes now down the ridge of his nose. "really fuckin' missed you."

and your heart shatters.

not from the words alone, but because you finally see him, the guy you've been looking for all night. the young boy you'd befriended long ago. before the weed, and the scholarships, and the boyfriend drama.

in his eyes, you feel the warmth behind them, of the boy who'd sit next to you at lunch in high school as you two planned on which college you'd attend in the coming years. you see the boy who'd stay up with you on school nights, eating ice cream until your stomachs hurt. in his lips, the soft, delicate one he bites back now, you see the smile he'd wear when playing just dance on nintendo whenever you'd come over after class. and for a moment, you swear you catch a glimpse of a younger him, with bright eyes and dark hair, and you feel your heart clench. because after all this time, you finally see your best friend again.

and man, have you missed him too.

so as the tears flow, you let them. don't even wipe them away as you nod in agreement with your old friend. "me too, riki." you breathe, a small, quivering smile finding your lips as you lean forward. "i missed you like crazy."

he laughs then, the lightest one you've heard tonight. it's sniffly and runny, and raw and human, like yours. "i'm...sorry," he spoke again, eyes flickering away briefly before coming back to you. "i'm sorry i never said anything....i figured you already knew."

guess that telepathy you two had shared hadn't been as reliable as you once thought. because, as you looked at the broken young man before you, it amazed you that you hadn't seen it before. he'd hid it with a mask of nonchalance, but even then, his eyes, now full of love, adoration, and hope for the future, couldn't have lied to you if they tried. perhaps that's why he'd been avoiding meeting eyes with you since the moment you'd walked in; they'd have been a dead giveaway.

"i had no clue," you breathed shakily. "and if i did, i'd have never pushed you away because of it, riki."

he closes his eyes, slowly, as he lets out a deep breath. it's as if he needed to hear those words, because the way he pauses, simply to drink them in, is unmistakable. and when his lashes flutter open again, he leans over to take your hand in his. "thanks," he says lowly.

you squeeze his hand, and feel a warmth spread across your chest at the gentle smile that forms upon his lips. you'd never told him, but you'd always thought they were one of his best features.

just like his eyes, the beautiful almond shape decorated with deep brown pupils, which always brought you happiness to see. or the moles along his face, the ones that trailed along his cheeks, down and past his chin to form his very own constellation.

one thing you'd always found the most beautiful about him hadn't been a physical feature, no. above all things, what you'd adored most about riki had been his heart. how ever since you'd been teenagers, kids even, he'd never fail to take care of you. even when he thought he'd been doing you a favor by giving you space, his heart had been in the right place.

you'd never told him these things, though, because for better or worse, you hadn't wanted to ruin your friendship. but if the past couple of months had taught you anything, it was that the unspoken feelings, lingering thoughts, and everything in between had been the ultimate killer. that nothing ended a friendship quicker than silence, and doubt.

so keeping this in mind, you pull yourself up from the loveseat, and make your way to the couch.

riki leans back, a furrow in his brow as he looks up at you. his eyes trail your figure closely, carefully. like if he looked away for one second, you would vanish. his lips twist with movement, and you can tell -likely with the power of old telepathy- that he's going to ask what you're doing.

but you don't give him a chance to ask, nor do you even tell him. instead, you show him, by keeping your hand in his as you take a seat in his lap.

when your head falls along his chest, you bite back a smile at the way you hear his heart rate quicken. and when you look up to meet eyes with him once again, you truly don't know how you could have missed it. because as his arms wrap around you, and his chest rises and falls quickly with each breath, it's as clear as day. nishimura has been, and is still irrevocably in love with you.

you can sense he wants to kiss you, and you want him to, as well. and as you think of the five months lost between him and you, you decide ultimately not to wait a moment longer. so you lean in closer, longing to bridge the gap that's sat between you two for months.

his lips are just about to meet yours when a shrill sound of a phone rings from the loveseat. your phone, still in the cushion.

still keeping you in his lap, he reaches over and pulls the device from the loveseat with his eyes still trained on you. he looks down, but for only a second, as he hands it over.

you glance at your phone, wondering who could possibly be calling you. but when you read the contact name as jake, your heart drops. you must have actually hit call when you clicked his contact earlier.

picking up the phone quickly, you press the phone to your ear. "hello?"

an aussie accent answers you on the other side. "hey, (y/n)!" jake responds, his voice thick with concern. "is everything okay?"

you bite your lip. how much had he'd heard? in the heat of the moment, you aren't sure when you'd actually hit call. can hardly remember anything before the phone slipped into the cracks of the seat. "yeah jake, i'm fine, really."

"okay," he replies, a soft noise rustling in the background "only asking because right after you called our connection went wonky, everything sounded really wonky and muffled."

so he hadn't heard anything. "it's fine, i just dropped my phone in the cushion, but i'm okay now."

"okay then," jake repeats, still sounding unconvinced. "i thought i heard a guy there, too...sounded loud?" he spoke. "you sure you're okay?"

you turned to riki, who now had a flush creep upon his features under the dim light. "yeah, jake i'm.....i'm fine." then, in reassurance. "i'm....i'm with riki."

silence.

and then; "oh," jake mutters, and you can hear the smile in his voice. "you two are talking again?"

"jake-"

"sorry!" he quickly responds, and you know he's trying his hardest to bite back a smile. "i'll leave you to it then."

and with a click on the other end of the line, jake is gone.

with newfound color in your own cheeks, you turn back to riki, and remember where you'd left off. but before you can lean back in, he still holds you, eyeing you as if you were a mosaic, despite the tear-stained and flushed cheeks you sported.

then, after a moment, he breaks the silence between you two, brushing a small strand of hair behind you. "can we uh...can we wait?"

your brows furrow in confusion. surely you hadn't read this situation wrong. it seemed like only moments ago he had been wanting to kiss you just as much as he to kiss you. "y-yeah, of course." you respond. "is there a reason why?"

he nods feverishly, his thumb brushing along the side of your jaw. "i just....don't want it like this, you know?"

you feel your heart drop, but you know what he means. if this were to be your first kiss with him, you'd understand why he wouldn't want to be like this. with eyes bloodshot from tears and weed and who knows what else, it makes sense on why he'd want to wait.

and even if you'd felt like you had been months behind, it was nice to know that the man who held you could wait even longer. that despite having lost so much time, he wasn't in a rush to speedrun or make up for experiences. that he'd been waiting for a while for your love, and could do it for even more if it meant he could truly savor these moments; your first shared kiss, your first date, and even more.

so as you sat in his lap with his arm around your waist, you spoke about friendship. what it meant to you, and what it meant to him. you caught up on lost time over shared memories and moments, sharing stories and filling in the gaps between the lost time. he told you about what he'd done while you weren't around and vice versa. he spoke about what change looked like to him, and you jokingly (not really) mentioned to put the tapestry back up.

but more importantly, you both spoke about how to keep in touch. in small ways and in big ones. to be heard, to be understood and seen is what you understood to be the basis of any relationship, just as friendship was the foundation for any romantic one. so as the night ran on, you and he spoke about ways to find it, and return to each other, one step at a time.

[yeokii]

‎‎‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎‎‎DARK RED . 𝄞 𝖾𝗇𝗁𝗒𝗉𝖾𝗇

‎‎ 𝗈𝗇𝗅𝗒 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝖽𝖺𝗋𝗅𝗂𝗇' ‎‎‎ ‎‎ ❤︎ ‎‎‎ leaving you hurt more than any fight they had

‎‎ ‎‎ 𝟎𝟖 ‎‎ ‎‎‎✉️ 𝑙𝑜𝑢𝑖 ‎‎ ‎‎𝐈𝐈 . ‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎gangster enha and f!r ' angst . ‎‎‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎‎𝘸𝑐 ‎‎ ✶ ‎‎ 18OO '‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎‎𝗐𝖺𝗋𝗇𝗂𝗇𝗀𝗌 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖽𝗈𝗅𝗅 𝗁𝖾𝖺𝗋𝗍 ❔crying breakups profanity ‎‎ ‎‎‎ ( like&reblog ! ) ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎‎──‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎‎ 𝑐l𝑖c𝑘 ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎‎ɷ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎‎𝖼𝗅𝗈𝗌𝖾𝗍

여키 EDITION . enhypen vs all roads lead to rome rabbit

‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎' HEESEUNG

he knocked on your door when it hit midnight. it was the only time he knew no one would be around to hurt you, the only time he could protect you─from his enemies and his mind which was slowly eating him alive.

heeseung was here for one reason only, let you go before he drowns you in the pain of being his. he couldn't do that to you, never to the girl he loves deeply.

you opened the door to see him soaked from the rain, a fresh cut on his cheek and a slightly bruised lip. it hurt you to see him like this, the state he'd only let you see. but what fucking broke you was the tears in his eyes, threatening to break him once and for all.

"hee?" you whispered, reaching out to him before he engulfed you in a tightening hug.

something was wrong, you knew it from the way he breathed.

"i'm so fucking sorry." he whispers under his breath, every word stabbing his heart even more.

next thing you know, he kisses you like it was his last day─maybe it was, but who were you to know now? you were a small memory packed deep inside his heart now. because he was here to let you go only, not to drag you down with him in the hell he created.

he breaks everything, your heart and the relationship you both made with your fragile hearts. then he leaves you alone, a fresh wound blistering on your heart and a face that was never to be seen again.

⠀⠀⠀⠀read more ── open for the others !

‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎' JONGSEONG

it felt unnatural, the perfect date he could ever give you. but that slow piercing feeling of something bad about to happen creeps up your skin.

jay's smile felt like he was holding back. you could tell from the pain in his eyes, he had never looked at you like that. like he was about to break everything you both had carefully made together.

he took you out in a fancy suit, a quiet restaurant where they served wine and steak. he kissed your cheek and ran his fingers through your hair.

it was everything you could ask for, but you didn't believe it one single bit.

so you confront him, fearing that your worst nightmare would come true before your eyes.

he tells the truth. what would be the most perfect date ever would be your last date with him.

crying in his arms wasn't comforting anymore, it was heart breaking. he holds you in his arms, you on his lap in his lavish car. he kisses your temple with tears in his eyes before he tells you he needs to drop you home for the last time.

‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎' JAEYUN

the cold bit your face, the wind breezed through your hair. you waited for jake to show up on your rooftop, waiting for him to break your heart.

you knew this was bound to happen. from the moment you found out that he was a crucial part of the under world. denying yourself from the heartbreak that would leave a sting till you learnt how to breathe without the warmth of jake's arms, you stayed still as he came up to you.

the day you dreaded finally arrived right in front of you, with red eyes and shaky hands.

he says he needs to leave, you shake your head.

his eyes fill up with tears again quickly, it was easy since he already spent hours crying prior to this arrangement.

"you can't leave, you told me you weren't going to."

if he could stay with you as the world ended, he would.

but that was impossible—and that was what hurt the most, not being able to his ever again.

"i cannot stay." his shoulders sag, eyes heavy. "not if I want you safe."

you want to scream, to argue and tell him to stop being an idiot and come back to your arms. but you could only watch how he kissed your temple and left you on the rooftop where he uttered his very first 'i love you'.

‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎' SUNGHOON

something was terribly wrong. the anxiety ran through your veins, the blood rushing to your head—paranoia creeping over you. you knew tonight would be heart breaking for you and for sunghoon as well.

you could tell by the way he held you that night. he never let go, not even once—holding you with a tight grip, afraid you'd slip through his hands if he let go even in the slightest.

"hoon?" you mutter, your eyes gazing over him.

"fuck—baby, don't look at me like that." he tells you, tears glazing his eyes as his voice trembled under the night.

his fingers shake, his body cold against your warm skin. you feel how his body betrays his composure. he knew the world was about to end tomorrow—a world without you meant no meaning to him.

truth be told, he's never loved anyone like he loved you. you were his first and his last, at least he hoped you would be. memories of you flooded his mind all day. so his world ended the moment he realized he needed to end what he had with you—his heart empty again when he knew the moments he created with you would now rest in the back of his head peacefully.

"i'm sorry. i'm so sorry." it was all he could say for breaking your heart, he breaks his promise; the one he made in the very same bed, vowing never to crush your heart.

you knew why he was sorry, you knew it all along.

you couldn't do nothing but love him through the night knowing the pain tomorrow would be more than unbearable.

so when you wake up, the reality hits you like a ton of bricks.

his side cold, no note, no message. just the faint smell of his cologne and the warmth that would be gone the next night.

all he left was the memories that you once cherished in your heart.

‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎' SUNOO

sunoo wasn't good at lying.

not when it came to you.

so how could he lie straight to your face and say that he didn't love you?

he couldn't lie like this—when his hands were shaking, when his shoulders were trembling.

"i don't love you anymore." frail and empty words that you both knew he didn't mean, but what else could he do?

sunoo knew it was best to let you down slowly.

but he hated every second of it. he hated how your eyes fell heavy, he hated that frown on your face. sunoo absolutely hated how your heart was broken into a million pieces—one he swore never to touch, one he swore to protect.

your eyes searched for sincerity, anger—anything at this point.

but there was nothing, it was empty. a thin facade behind the broken heart that you didn't look hard enough to see.

you wanted him to take it back, to laugh like he always did and keep you close in his arms.

but he didn't.

he knew if he uttered the truth, he would swallow you back into his world and let you both die in the flames he created.

so he stayed still, convincing himself that you'd have a better life—one without chaos or lies. he hoped in this way, he could give you a peaceful life you always wanted.

what he never knew was that the peace you dreamed of was a future with him; a life where his arms were your sanctuary and his heartbeat being the only thing you could fall asleep to.

but in hopes of removing the chaos in your life, he unknowingly took the only peace you ever had in your life.

‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎' JUNGWON

saturday arrives and you were now not the only girl in jungwon's life. he tells you with no gentleness not cruelness, his words were empty; almost as if his soul was sucked out of him.

"i'm getting married."

you blink, his eyes stay fixed on you. you realise he was serious, the marriage was real and the sting of your heartbreak was definitely there.

he's silent. you ask him when, he doesn't pry his eyes off as he tells you it's next month. then you ask him what you've been dreading to hear; if he loves her.

his emotions betray him. you could see him furrow his eyebrows as he wonders how he could ever love another girl when you were on his mind; morning, noon and night.

i only knew how to love when i met you.

his eyes scream what his mouth refused to say, and you could feel it. you felt every emotion that slipped through those eyes you once adored.

"I'm doing this for your own good." you don't understand it now, but later as you slowly heal from the wound caused by jungwon, you realise what he means.

you still remember the night he left with an engagement ring on his finger, a place he reserved only for you taken by another woman who you'd do anything to be in her shoes.

when the truth settles in, it feels like grief.

because jungwon never chose another life.

he chose yours; and lost the only one he ever had.

‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎' RIKI

riki hurts you because it's the only way he knows how to keep you safe.

he screams at you, breaks your heart with his bare hands because he wanted you safe without a single scratch from your body. what he didn't realise that instead of physical wounds, he just created the biggest wound of all in your heart.

he wanted to untangle you from the violence he suffocated himself in, but his words cut sharper than any knife and he stabs you repeatedly when he tells you he hates you.

you yell at him, scream, cry. do everything. your punches grew harder as you attack his chest. he silently cries as he watches you break down right in front of him.

"how could you?" you shiver against his body as you let yourself fall into his arms.

riki could only stay still as he cries with his eyes shut. both you don't say a word—letting the silence speak for itself.

"please...please hate me." his desperate plea made you find yourself falling harder, the impact causing you to hurt yourself even more.

but that didn't matter to riki. as long as you were alive and safe.

because he saved your body.

and shattered your heart beyond repair.

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⠀⠀𝖺 𝗒𝖾𝗈𝗄𝗂𝗂 𝗉𝗋𝗈𝖽. do not copy, repost or translate my works

[inkedbysonny]

The Moon Never Makes Mistakes

✐ᝰ word count: 13.3k ✐ᝰ genre: fantasy, romance, slow burn, action, werewolf!nicholas, human!oc, high-stakes battle, mythic worldbuilding ✐ᝰ warnings: graphic violence, blood and gore, intense action, mentions of abduction and prejudice, brief panic/anxiety, mild cursing, chaos of battle, shaky alliances ✐ᝰ author's note: omg it took so many rewrites to get here. here’s part 2 of the veilborne saga — again reading it as a standalone is fine, but reading in order gives you the full bite <3 expect slow burn, intense chemistry, wolf instincts, and messy moral choices. theories, thoughts, and chaos-takes are always welcome!

They said the forest was cursed after sundown. That once the last bell tolled and the ward-lights along the fences dimmed, the creatures of the dark reclaimed what was theirs.

The town called it harmony. Nicholas called it denial.

He’d patrolled the border long enough to know peace was just a human word for temporary.

Tonight, the air was thick with the scent of rain and iron. The sky bruised itself into indigo, and somewhere in the distance, a clock tower chimed — three short notes that meant stay inside.

Nicholas adjusted the blade at his hip, boots sinking into the wet soil. His wolf strained under his skin, restless. The borders had been... noisy lately. The kind of noise that meant trouble — scents crossing where they shouldn’t, whispers of Fae traders vanishing, strange lights over the river.

And humans. Always these stupid humans who thought the world beyond their fences was just a story.

He caught her scent before he saw her — sharp, unfamiliar, threaded with ink and rainwater.

Then came the crunch. A single step in the dark.

Nicholas was moving before thought caught up — soundless, swift, predatory. The wind shifted, and there she was.

A girl, crouched just beyond the wardline, a lantern beside her and a sketchbook balanced on her knees. Her hands were stained with charcoal. She looked entirely too calm for someone sitting on the edge of death.

At first, she thought it was the wind stirring leaves — until he stepped into the moonlight. Broad shoulders, dark red hair, a glint of gold where eyes should be. He moved like something born of instinct, not thought — silent, precise, dangerous.

Her throat went dry. Her mind screamed run. Her body didn’t listen.

She’d read about them, of course — in books banned from libraries and journals confiscated from her room. Werewolves. The hunters of the wild, the Council’s oldest enemies. But seeing one — seeing one — was nothing like ink and theory.

He was real. Alive. Watching her.

She should run. Everyone would.

Instead, she whispers, “Hello?”

The words trembled out, soft and half-breathless.

His head tilted slightly, predatory. The wolf in him stirred, sensing the tremor in her voice — the fear he’d been raised to smell a mile away. “Humans aren’t supposed to be out here,” he said. His tone was quiet, but there was a bite to it, low and dangerous.

“I know.” She took a hesitant step back but didn’t flee. “I just— I wanted to see if the stories were true.”

“Stories?” His mouth twitched, not quite a smile. “What do they say about us? That we eat little girls who wander past fences?”

Her eyes widened. “Do you?”

He blinked once, then laughed — a low, humourless sound that barely reached his eyes. “Not usually.”

The wind shifted. The scent hit him then — warmth, rain, something he couldn’t name. It struck him like a blade to the chest. 

Pain flared under his ribs, white-hot, dragging his breath from him. His pulse stumbled. His vision fractured. The world tilted — too close, too loud, too her.

His wolf surged, feral and unrecognisable, snarling like a curse: mate.

Nicholas staggered a step back, teeth bared. “No,” he hissed under his breath. “No. The Moon never makes mistakes like this.” But the pull only tightened, invisible claws sinking deeper, threading into the spaces between heartbeats.

He bit down hard enough to taste blood. Wrong. She’s wrong.

His chest ached like something sacred had been twisted, miscast.

The girl — the human — just stared at him, wide-eyed, not understanding why the stranger before her suddenly looked at her like she’d cursed him. 

“You have gold eyes,” she whispered, curious despite the tremor in her voice. “Does that mean anything?”

He looked at her as if she’d spat poison. “It means you should leave,” he ground out, each word forced through clenched teeth.

“I just want to understand—”

“There’s nothing for you to understand,” he snapped. “You shouldn’t even be here.”

Her expression faltered, but she didn’t move. “You’re not what they say,” she murmured after a moment. “You could’ve killed me already.”

His jaw clenched. “Don’t mistake restraint for kindness.”

Silence stretched. The fence creaked between them, rusted metal pressing faint lines into her palms.

Finally, he turned away, disappearing into the dark as quietly as he’d come.

But even after he was gone, the forest still hummed with something alive — like a heartbeat that didn’t belong to her.

She pressed a trembling hand to her chest.

And somewhere, far beyond her understanding, a bond had already begun to take root.

The girl barely had time to gather her sketchbook when the sound of low growls split the night.

Nicholas froze, muscles coiling, eyes narrowing into gold slits. From deeper in the trees, another scent — rough, foreign, predatory — cut through the damp air.

A wolf from another pack, one whose loyalties Nicholas did not know and did not trust, emerged silently, eyes glinting like embers. Its focus was clear: the human crouched just beyond the wardline.

She froze, terror finally bleeding into her movements, but the wolf didn’t hesitate. It lunged.

Nicholas’ first instinct was to turn away.

Not my responsibility. She’s human. Let the wards punish the foolish.

But his wolf did not care for reason. Pain lanced through his chest again, twisting him from the inside. Without thought, without permission, his legs carried him forward, faster than the human could blink.

He collided with the other wolf mid-leap, claws flashing, jaws snapping. The other creature yelped, taken aback by the ferocity, and retreated with a low snarl, disappearing into the shadows from whence it came.

The girl stumbled backward, falling onto her hands. Her eyes were wide, pale lantern-light catching on her damp hair, on her charcoal-stained fingers.

Nicholas loomed over her, teeth bared, chest heaving. Gold eyes locked on her face. Mine, his wolf snarled. Pain and fury tangled together.

“I told you to leave, what are you? Fucking slow?” he hissed, though the command felt hollow in his own ears. Why am I even—why do I care?

“I—I'm sorry!” she stammered, scrambling backward, hands pressed against the wet earth. Her voice trembled, but she didn’t scream. Not yet. Not completely.

Nicholas growled low, the sound vibrating deep in his chest. Every instinct in him screamed stay away, and yet every muscle was taut, poised to act if any other threat came near. His jaw ached, not from the fight, but from resisting the bond that had branded itself across his chest like fire.

Even as her fear throbbed in the air between them, she allowed herself a quick, glancing curiosity. Her gaze flicked to his claws, the ripples of muscle beneath his dark coat, the way his ears tilted like some magnificent animal tuned to her every breath. Despite the danger, her mind whispered questions she could not voice aloud — how could one creature be so beautiful and terrifying? How could a story be so wrong and yet so right?

He finally stepped back, turning his eyes away from her.

No. Not this. Not her. Not now.

He vanished into the shadows, leaving only the memory of his gold gaze burning in her vision.

The girl pressed herself against the damp fence, chest heaving. Her mind spun, caught between terror and disbelief. She had survived, barely, and the world beyond her village was more dangerous than any story had prepared her for.

A soft voice called through the dark. “Ruby? Ruby, where are you?”

The girl’s heart skipped. The warm, familiar sound of her grandmother’s voice carried across the fields. Relief surged. She scrambled to her feet, dashing back toward the wardline, toward safety.

Yet even as she ran, her thoughts wandered: Was he… real? Could the books have been right all along? There’s so much I don’t understand…

Nicholas remained in the shadows, hidden, watching. The pull inside him coiled and thrashed, tearing at his insides as if the Moon Goddess herself had cursed him. He glimpsed her name for the first time — Ruby.

He hated it. He hated knowing her name. He hated that it rang in his ears like a bell marking some impossible fate. He hated the way his wolf refused to let him leave her behind, despite his mind and every principle screaming otherwise.

Ruby reached the last warded fence, the glow of the village spilling onto her face, and finally crossed the invisible line into safety. She waved briefly toward the shadows — unaware of him, unaware that the eyes tracking her every step belonged to someone who simultaneously loathed and could not abandon her.

Nicholas exhaled sharply through his nose, jaw tightening. Pain, frustration, and a primal, unbidden tether all tangled in his chest. He remained until she disappeared inside her home, behind the protective glow of the wardline. Only then did he slip silently back into the forest, muscles coiled, mind a storm of fury, and heart unwillingly tethered to a human he could not yet accept.

Nicholas didn’t head for the den.

His legs carried him elsewhere — through the thick trees, past the line of wardlights that hummed faintly in the distance, until the ground sloped downward and the forest opened to the riverbank.

The current was wild tonight. It clawed at the rocks, catching fragments of the moon in its churning surface. He stood there a long while, breathing hard, his pulse still erratic from the fight — or from her. He didn’t want to think about which.

The ache in his chest came again — sharp, low, and merciless. The mate bond, clawing from the inside. His wolf strained toward it, howling somewhere deep within, begging to go back to the source of that scent. The human.

Nicholas dropped to his knees, gripping the cold earth until dirt filled his claws. “No,” he snarled, half to himself, half to the sky. “You can’t do this. Not with her.”

The moon looked down, pale and silent, her reflection trembling across the black water.

He wanted to tear her out of the sky.

His breath came ragged. “A human?” The word burned like poison. “You think this is funny? You tie me to one of them?”

He laughed then — a hollow, ugly sound. “She’ll die before she even understands what this is. You know that, don’t you? They always do.”

His chest tightened again — a pulse of something raw and electric that sent him doubling over. The wolf inside him howled in agony. Rejection always had a cost. His kind said it was worse than silver poisoning. The more he fought it, the deeper it burrowed — the Moon’s reminder that fate was never meant to be defied.

He pressed a hand to his heart, claws grazing his skin. “I won’t,” he rasped. “You made a mistake. I can't and I won’t.”

But the pull only grew stronger. A phantom scent of rain and charcoal lingered at the edge of his senses.

Mine, the wolf whispered. Never, Nicholas spat back.

He dipped his hands into the river, splashing his face with icy water. The reflection staring back was wild-eyed, exhausted — a man carved from fury and old scars. He could almost hear the voices of his past rising beneath the rush of the current.

They hunt us because they fear us. Humans can’t coexist. They conquer or they kill. Never trust what bleeds easily.

He remembered the smoke. The smell of burning fur. The screams of pups too young to shift. He’d seen his father die with a human’s silver blade in his ribs, his mother torn apart trying to drag him to safety. And when it was over — when the flames died and the humans rebuilt their shining border town — they called it harmony.

Nicholas slammed a fist into the dirt, teeth bared. “Harmony,” he hissed. “You think they want peace? They want us caged. Erased.”

The river gave no answer. The moon only shimmered, distant and indifferent.

He hated that it felt like the Moon was watching him.

He hated that he could still feel the human girl’s presence, soft and fragile and wrong.

And worst of all, he hated that a part of him — the wolf part — ached to protect her anyway.

Nicholas rose slowly, wiping his wet hands on his tunic. The pain dulled, but the emptiness that followed felt worse.

He turned back toward the forest, toward the den, his voice rough in the quiet night.

“Enjoy your little joke, Moon Goddess,” he muttered. “I’ll break your bond before it breaks me.”

Above him, the moon flickered through the clouds — silver and cruel and silent.

The next few nights, it just became worse.

Smoke from the night’s fire still hung low, curling through the rough beams of the ceiling. Outside, the forest hummed faintly — the drip of dew, the rustle of paws through leaves, the sound of the world waking. Inside, wolves moved with purpose: voices low, boots thudding against the earth as Euijoo’s morning debrief began.

Nicholas stood toward the back, arms crossed, head bowed low enough that his dark hair shadowed his eyes. His shoulders felt too heavy — his skin fever-hot, his wolf pacing in his chest like it wanted to claw its way out.

He hadn’t slept. Not really. Every time he closed his eyes, that scent filled the dark again — rain and ink and the faint, human sweetness of her. It wasn’t supposed to feel like that. Not for him. Not for her.

He swallowed hard, jaw tightening. The Moon had made a mistake. He’d said as much to Her face — or at least, to Her reflection in the river days ago, cursing until his voice broke and his reflection stared back with gold-tinged fury.

Now, as Euijoo’s voice droned in the background, Nicholas tried not to show the tremor running down his spine.

“Fuma, you’ll take the southern ridge,” the alpha said, eyes sweeping over the group. “K, the Fae crossings. Jo and Yuma, the border posts by the Shattersea trail. Nicholas—”

Euijoo paused mid-sentence, his brow furrowing. “You look like hell.”

Nicholas’s jaw flexed. “I’m fine.”

“You don’t look fine,” Yuma said under his breath, earning a sharp elbow from Taki.

Euijoo tilted his head slightly, nostrils flaring. “You’re burning up. Fever?”

“Shift hangover,” Nicholas said curtly. “It’ll pass.”

“Then you’ll patrol the—”

“I’ll go to the town,” Nicholas interrupted.

The den went quiet. Even the fire seemed to crackle louder in the silence that followed.

K blinked from across the room. “You what?”

“I’ll take the town,” Nicholas repeated, voice steady but cold. “We’re short on silverroot and saltstone. I’ll handle it.”

For a second, no one spoke. Fuma let out a quiet, skeptical laugh. “Since when do you volunteer for human work? You hate the town.”

Nicholas’s glare was sharp enough to cut. “I can walk through it without starting a war.”

Maki snorted softly. “Pretty sure the last time you went near the wardline, you almost picked a fight with a priest.”

“He started it,” Nicholas muttered, pulling on his gloves.

Euijoo studied him for a long moment. He’d led Nicholas for years — long enough to know that volunteering for anything human was like asking him to chew glass. But the alpha also knew better than to pry in front of the others. He simply nodded once, though his expression was wary.

“Fine. But you don’t go alone. K—”

“I said I’ll handle it,” Nicholas snapped.

The alpha’s tone dropped, quiet and final. “It wasn’t a suggestion.”

Nicholas bit back a growl, then looked away. “Fine,” he muttered, barely audible. “Whatever.”

“And Nicho?” Euijoo calls as the meeting drawls to an end, “Keep the pack’s head down. No trouble with the humans unless absolutely necessary.”

As the others dispersed, he stood motionless for a beat too long before heading toward the storage alcove — where the pack kept their “human” disguises. The air back there was colder, the silence thicker. He gripped the edge of the table to steady himself, his breathing uneven.

His skin itched beneath the surface — the mate bond rejecting distance, rejecting denial. The wolf inside him howled against it, furious and desperate. He clenched his fists until his knuckles went white.

The scent wouldn’t leave him. It clung to his lungs like smoke.

He grabbed a plain shirt from the stack, his hands shaking slightly as he pulled it over his head. The fabric felt too tight, suffocating. He was halfway through buttoning when K’s reflection appeared in the mirror beside him — quiet, cautious.

“You really gonna tell me what’s going on,” K said gently, “or am I supposed to guess?”

Nicholas didn’t look up. “Nothing’s going on.”

K’s brow creased. “You’re pale as death, sweating through your clothes, and you smell like you’re fighting your own blood. Forgive me if I don’t believe nothing.”

“I told you. Shift hangover.”

“That’s not what this is.” K’s tone softened, cautious. “You’ve been off since last week.”

Nicholas fastened the last button with jerky precision, pretending not to hear him. “You’re imagining things.”

K sighed. “You’ve been growling in your sleep too. And talking.”

That made Nicholas stiffen.

K hesitated, then continued. “You said a name. Ruby.”

The buckle slipped from Nicholas’s fingers and hit the table with a dull metallic clack.

K’s eyes flicked to him, reading the small betrayal of movement. “Who is she?”

“No one,” Nicholas said, too fast. The lie seared his throat. His pulse thudded like a drum.

K raised an eyebrow. “You sure? Because your wolf doesn’t seem to agree.”

Nicholas turned sharply, closing the distance between them in a blink. His golden eyes flashed, anger burning just beneath the fever. “Drop it.”

K didn’t flinch — but his voice stayed steady, low. “I’m not your enemy, Nicho. I’m trying to help.”

“I don’t need help.”

“Well, you need something. Look at you.”

Nicholas stepped back, chest heaving. The truth clawed at him from the inside — the bond aching like a wound he couldn’t stop touching. Every second away from her felt like suffocating under his own skin. But he’d rather bleed than admit it. Especially to K.

“I said drop it,” he repeated, voice rougher this time. “And don’t tell Euijoo.”

K hesitated. “So there is something.”

Nicholas’s lips twitched in something like a snarl. “Drop. It.”

K crossed his arms. “Fine. But if you collapse halfway to town, I’m hauling your ass back myself.”

“Wouldn’t be the first time,” Nicholas muttered, grabbing his cloak and slinging it over his shoulders. The weight of the fabric did little to hide the faint tremor in his hands.

He adjusted the strap of his weapon, refusing to meet K’s gaze. “Tell Euijoo I’ll be back before sundown.”

“What, we splitting up or something?”

Nicholas didn’t answer. He stepped past him, shoulders stiff, and strode toward the den entrance — the cool morning air biting against his fever-warmed skin. The light hit his face as he pushed through the curtain of vines and into the open.

For a long moment, K stayed where he was, watching the spot where Nicholas had stood. Then, softly, he exhaled.

“You idiot,” he murmured to the empty air. “You found your mate, didn’t you?”

The potion burned going down — metallic, bitter, faintly sweet — and Nicholas had to bite back a groan. The effect was immediate: the heavy weight of fur and claws melted into flesh and bone, muscles reshaping, senses dulling to human limits. He blinked once, then again, adapting to the softer vision, the smell of the town’s morning haze — bread, smoke, and something tangy from the river.

It was… wrong. Every part of him itched for the wild, for the forest, for the moon overhead. But the wolf simmered beneath his skin, clawing against his human body, frustrated.

And yet, he needed to be here. Needed her.

The thought alone sent a shiver through his fevered body.

Harua had promised the potion would last until sundown, but Nicholas had no intention of lingering. He had a list: silverroot, saltstone, and the quick exit back to the den.

Nicholas strode through the narrow cobblestone streets, cloak pulled tight around his shoulders, head lowered. He passed humans as they went about their business, and every step reminded him why the pack had stared at him in disbelief: he hated this world. He hated the chaos, the smells, the chatter. He hated how every eye flicked to him with the faint thrill of curiosity or fear. 

And he hated that, no matter how hard he tried, he felt… vulnerable.

The shop appeared at the end of the lane: a small, tidy building with herbs displayed in window boxes. Inside, the bell above the door jingled as Nicholas pushed it open.

“Morning,” croaked the old shopkeeper from behind the counter. “Can I help you, sir?”

Nicholas’s wolf recoiled at the word sir. He forced his voice steady. 

“Silverroot. Saltstone. Two measures of each.”

The man frowned. “Expensive combination. What do you need them for?”

Nicholas’s patience wavered. “Didn’t ask for questions.”

“Not many folks buy both,” the man pressed, leaning forward. “You a healer? Hunter?”

Nicholas’s pulse thudded. “I said—”

“You from one of the hill villages?” the man interrupted again, eyes narrowing. “You’ve got that look. Wild.”

Nicholas’s grip tightened on the counter, the old wood groaning under his palm. “I don’t have time for this,” he hissed.

The shopkeeper straightened, indignant. “Now see here, boy—” He couldn’t finish his sentence when something loud thumped against his shop’s door.

The old man’s head jerked toward the window. “Not again…”

Nicholas frowned, his wolf stirring beneath the human skin. “What is it?”

“Bloody council protests,” the man muttered, hurrying to the door. “They’ve been going on all week. Superstition’s back in fashion.”

Nicholas followed him out, the sunlight cutting sharp against his eyes. The street beyond was a chaos of movement — townsfolk packed shoulder to shoulder, banners waving, voices clashing like clanging metal.

“Keep our children safe!” “No more beasts in the woods!” “Purge the moon-cursed!”

Nicholas’s jaw clenched, a low growl building in his throat before he caught himself. His body itched for the shift, his teeth ached for violence — but the potion held him tight in human form, forcing every instinct to simmer beneath fragile flesh.

“Idiots,” he muttered under his breath. “You don’t even know what you’re asking for.”

The old man gave him a wary glance. “Don’t go saying things like that, stranger. They’ll string you up for less.”

Nicholas didn’t answer. His gaze had fixed on the edge of the crowd — where movement caught his eye.

There, standing on the steps of the council hall, was a girl.

No — her.

Ruby.

She was in the middle of the crowd, standing on a crate with her sketchbook clutched to her chest. Even from twenty feet away, her dark hair glimmered under the pale sunlight. She wasn’t hiding. She was defiant. The locals around her muttered and sneered, calling her “moon-mad” for insisting the old stories were true, for whispering that the creatures beyond the fences were not as bad as they all though they were.

Ruby lifted her chin as the crowd’s chants rippled through the square. Her hands trembled around the sketchbook, but her voice didn’t waver when she spoke.

“Stop this!” she called out, her words swallowed by the noise. “You don’t even know what you’re fighting against!”

A few heads turned — more out of surprise than respect. Someone near the front barked a laugh.

“Go home, Ruby!” “Still talking to shadows?” “Moon-mad girl’s lost it again!”

Her face flushed, but she didn’t back down. “You say they’re monsters,” she said, louder this time, her voice shaking with something that wasn’t quite fear. “But one of them saved me last night.”

That stilled them. The word saved cut through the noise like a knife. Nicholas felt his body tense, his breath catching somewhere between disbelief and fury.

“Saved you?” a man jeered. “Didn’t eat you, you mean?”

“Probably cursed her while he was at it,” another spat.

Laughter rolled through the crowd like thunder.

Ruby’s knuckles whitened around the edge of her book. “He could’ve killed me,” she said quietly. “He didn’t. That means something.”

The mob didn’t care. A pebble flew first — it struck her shoulder, harmless but sharp. Then another. Then the shouting turned ugly.

“Traitor!” “Send her to the Council!”

Nicholas felt the shift before he realised what was happening. The fever that had been scorching through his blood broke — doused in something cold and raw. His pulse steadied, his vision cleared. The ache in his chest eased.

He hated it.

He hated that the girl’s voice — trembling but unyielding — had silenced the sickness inside him. Hated the way his wolf stirred, not in rage this time, but in recognition. Ours.

“No,” he muttered under his breath. His nails bit into his palms. “Not ours. Never.”

But then a hand shoved Ruby off the crate. She stumbled, her book falling open in the dirt — sketches spilling across the cobblestones, torn pages dancing in the wind. The laughter rose again, cruel and gleeful.

Nicholas didn’t remember moving.

One second, he was in the doorway of the apothecary. The next, he was between Ruby and the mob, his hand snapping out to catch the arm of the man who’d pushed her. 

Nicholas’s grip tightened until the other man’s knuckles blanched white. It was an animal hold — no mercy in it, just pressure and the promise of pain.

“Don’t touch her,” he said again, low and dangerous.

“And who the fuck are you?” the man spat, trying to yank his arm free. His friends jeered behind him, emboldened by the noise.

Nicholas felt the heat behind his eyes — not just the fever, but something ferocious and ancient. For a ridiculous second he imagined ripping the man’s arm off like a twig. Euijoo’s voice cut through his head, sharp and reasonable from last night: Keep the pack’s head down. No trouble with the humans unless absolutely necessary. Nicholas had obeyed orders all his life. He could follow one more.

He forced himself to release the man, letting the arm drop with a graceless thud. The human coughed, pushed at his shoulder, then straightened when he saw the look in Nicholas’s eyes. The crowd shuffled, uneasy. The apothecary owner — the old man from the shop — had come back outside, jars abandoned on his counter. He was pale and trembling, but he still managed to scowl at Nicholas.

“You’ll pay for those,” the owner squeaked. “You took herbs. That’ll be two silver roots and—”

Nicholas blinked, irritation flaring. Of all moments. He reached for his coin pouch, fingers numb, and slammed multiple heavy coins into the man’s palm. The old man’s hands shook as he counted them, then bowed slightly as if to get rid of him. The world felt ridiculous and wrong: exchange, civility, bargaining while something in him thrummed like a bloodied drum.

That was when the man who’d shoved Ruby spat.

It cut the air — a wet, contemptuous smear that landed on the back of Ruby’s hand as she scrambled to gather torn pages. The sound of it made something inside Nicholas snap.

He moved before he thought. He was at the man’s side in one stride, and the world narrowed to the smell of sweat and cheap ale and the metallic flash of anger. He yanked the man forward so his face brushed the stone, fingers digging into collar and throat. The man gagged, eyes wide, surprise and fear for a heartbeat replacing his bravado.

Hands closed on Nicholas’s shoulder from behind — a firm, restraining pressure. A voice cut through his teeth-gritted roar: “Easy.” It was K, steady and calm as a stone.

K’s grip said everything Euijoo hadn’t. Don’t escalate. Don’t lose it.

Nicholas forced himself to unfurl, to let the man stumble to his feet. The crowd had gone very quiet, watching as if a storm might break at any moment.

Ruby’s head came up. Her pupils dilated; she squinted through the half-light. Recognition hit her like a breath. “You,” she said, a small, disbelieving smile flickering. “You’re the one—”

Nicholas didn’t let her finish. The wolf could hear the gratitude in her voice before she could shape it into words, and the sensation — the knowledge that she would thank him, that she might look to him with warmth — felt like salt in an open wound.

“Don’t thank me,” he snapped, voice raw. He couldn’t help the edge that dragged. “Just don’t be a loser.” It sounded like an insult and a plea at once.

She blinked, “I’m sorry?” 

The crowd had dispersed then, clearly growing tired of the drama. 

The small spark of recognition faltering under the weight of his words. “Don’t be a loser?” she repeated softly, as if trying to taste the insult before deciding whether to swallow it or throw it back.

Her hands were still full of torn sketches, pages fluttering in the wind like wounded birds. “You say that,” she said, voice tight, “like I did something wrong by thanking you.”

Nicholas didn’t answer. He stood rigid, the faint tremor in his hands betraying how tightly he was holding himself together. His wolf snarled quietly under his skin, restless and irritated — not at her, not exactly, but at the way her scent seemed to ease the fever one second and worsen it the next. "So you hate humans. I get that. But," Ruby rose to her feet, brushing the dust off her skirt. “Why do you hate me so much?” she asked suddenly. The words broke through the murmuring crowd, cutting the air clean. “What did I do? Out of all the humans in this miserable town, I’m probably the only one fighting for your kind.”

Nicholas’s jaw twitched. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I know enough,” she shot back. Her eyes burned — not with fear this time, but frustration. “You think I don’t see what they do to your kind? The way they talk, the laws, the stupid curfews— I’ve seen it all. I’ve stood up for you. And for what? So you can look at me like I’m the dirt under your boots?”

“Ruby,” K interjected gently, stepping between them. He crouched, picking up the last few pages she’d missed, dusting them off before handing them to her. 

“Maybe it’s best if you just head home. He’s not—”

But Nicholas’s glare cut him off. “Don’t speak for me.”

Ruby took the papers from K’s hand but didn’t move away. “Then speak for yourself,” she said. “Because I don’t get it. You saved me. Twice. You could’ve let me die both times, and you didn’t. Why?”

Nicholas exhaled sharply, a bitter sound escaping him. “Because, clearly I’m stupid and now I’m stuck in a conversation with you.”

Her eyes softened for a fraction of a second. “You sound like someone who cares.”

He barked out a humourless laugh. “You sound like someone who doesn’t know when to stop talking.”

K’s hand came up again, a quiet warning. “Nicho.”

But Ruby wasn’t backing down. “I thought I was doing the right thing—defending you, defending your kind. You saved my life, and it changed me. You made me see that everything they say about you isn’t true.” Her voice cracked slightly. “So why do you hate me for it?”

Nicholas looked at her then, really looked — the defiance, the sincerity, the small tremor in her lip she was trying so hard to hide. And for a heartbeat, his expression flickered — something like regret crossing his face before it hardened again.

“Because you don’t understand,” he said finally, his voice low, almost quiet. 

“You think you’re helping, but people like you… you make it worse. You speak up, you make noise, and then the Council tightens the leash on everyone else. They don’t punish you. They punish us.”

Ruby faltered. “That’s not fair.”

“Nothing about this world is,” Nicholas muttered.

K stepped forward then, placing a hand lightly on Ruby’s shoulder. “Ruby, can we take you home? It’s not—“ 

“Why do we have to take her home?” Nicholas snapped his gaze to K. 

“—as I was saying before I was rudely interrupted. I can tell it’s not too safe for you, Ruby. No pressure, but we gotta head before sundown.” 

The path home curved along the quiet edge of town, where lamplight fell in soft pools between cobblestones and the smell of damp leaves clung to the air.

Ruby walked ahead at first, clutching her sketchbook like a shield. K followed easily, still holding her satchel, while Nicholas lingered a step or two behind — close enough to watch, far enough to pretend he didn’t care.

“So,” K said after a stretch of silence, “you always cause riots on purpose, or was today a new hobby?”

Ruby turned her head, a quick, nervous laugh escaping. “Not on purpose. I just couldn’t listen anymore.”

“To what?”

“To people talking about things they don’t understand.” Her voice gained steadiness as she spoke, small hands gesturing for emphasis. “They act like magic’s something filthy. But it’s not — it’s old, it’s real. It’s part of this world, same as us. People just forgot how to see it.”

K hummed thoughtfully. “That’s not something you hear from most humans.”

Ruby shrugged, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. “Maybe most humans don’t look close enough.”

Nicholas’s jaw twitched. He didn’t want to listen, but her voice had that quiet conviction that made the air between words feel warmer. He caught himself watching the way she moved — the way her fingers tapped the edge of her sketchbook when she was thinking. The faint scent of graphite and lavender ink clung to her clothes. It was annoyingly… human. And yet.

K, oblivious or pretending to be, pressed on. “So what is it about the magical kind that fascinates you? The power? The danger?”

Ruby smiled a little, eyes on the ground. “Neither. I just think they’re misunderstood. Everyone paints them as monsters, but no one asks why they fight back. If people looked past the fear, maybe they’d see something worth protecting.”

That made Nicholas’s wolf stir again — not with anger this time, but something slower. Her words sank into him, disarming, and for a second the noise in his head dulled.

"I've been trying to educate this town about magical creatures but as you can tell," she motions to her torn sketches, "People can be pretty hard-headed and narrow-minded. I wish I could find a way they could see that these creatures are just... misunderstood."

“Misunderstood,” Nicholas muttered under his breath, almost to himself.

Ruby glanced back at him. “What?”

“Nothing,” he said quickly, eyes forward.

A moment later, a dragonfly buzzed too close to her face. She flinched, almost stumbling. Before she could right herself, Nicholas’s hand shot out, steadying her by the elbow. His touch was firm but fleeting — the calloused drag of his palm leaving her skin tingling even after he pulled away.

“Thanks,” she murmured.

He grunted, looking anywhere but at her.

K caught the exchange, amusement flickering in his eyes. “Careful, Nicholas. You’ll make her think you’re nice.”

Nicholas shot him a glare that could’ve frozen fire.

They walked in silence for a while after that — but it wasn’t the heavy kind. It was something charged, like the quiet before lightning. Time blurred; the road seemed shorter somehow.

The curfew bell split the air — one long, low toll that rolled through the cobblestone streets and into the marrow of Nicholas’s bones.

He froze mid-step, the echo vibrating in his ribs like a warning. K stopped too, eyes darting to the western ridge where the sun was bleeding into the horizon.

The potion’s burn was fading.

That meant trouble.

“Time’s up,” K murmured, voice tight. “We should get off the streets.”

Ruby looked between them, brows knitting. “Off the streets? What’s—”

But her words drowned beneath a sharp cry from the northern gate. Shouting. Steel clashing.

Nicholas’s head snapped toward the sound. Every nerve in his body came alive.

“K,” he said, low. “You hear that?”

K didn’t answer, but the flicker in his ears was enough. He heard it too — the chaos at the border.

And beneath it, faint but distinct, the terrified sob of a child.

They were running before Ruby could blink. Nicholas’s cloak snapped behind him like smoke, K a shadow at his flank.

Ruby hesitated for half a second, then gathered her skirt and chased them, her sketchbook clutched tight to her chest.

The border shimmered faintly where the protective runes met the wild fields beyond — a thin silver haze in the twilight.

And at its edge, chaos reigned.

Seven human soldiers in iron helms surrounded a small, trembling figure — a child with pointed ears and pale, luminescent eyes. An elfling. Barefoot. 

Crying. 

One of the soldiers held a warded spear, its tip glowing faintly blue.

“She’s crossed the line!” barked a man in uniform. “Council says no trespassers from the woods!”

“She’s a child,” K said sharply, stepping into the open. “She doesn’t understand your lines.”

The soldiers spun around, startled by the strangers. One squinted, lowering his spear. “Who the hell are you?”

“Travellers,” K said evenly. “Let her go.”

The soldier laughed. “You another moon-worshipping freak? Town’s already full of them.” Another soldier took a quick glance at Ruby, “Ruby, I see you got youself a moon mad cult.”

He jabbed the spear closer. The child whimpered.

Nicholas’s patience snapped. “He said let her go.“

The words came out darker, heavier — carrying something not human.

The nearest soldier took a step back, hands up feigning fear, “Oh not the moon mad cult trying to stop us.“

K moved first, trying to diffuse it. “Easy. We don’t want bloodshed—”

But the bell tolled again — shorter this time, sharper.

Nicholas felt the burn surge through his veins. The potion’s last dregs disintegrating. His skin itched. His pulse stuttered.

The human form was failing.

And the wolf — the wolf was done waiting.

The soldiers saw it before he did. The glow beneath his skin. The shift in his eyes.

“Monster!” someone screamed.

Then everything broke.

The first swing came from a sword — clumsy, panicked. Nicholas caught it barehanded, metal slicing across his palm. Blood dripped, but he didn’t feel it. His body was already splitting down the seams — bones rearranging, claws tearing through skin, his growl echoing like thunder through the valley.

“Shit,” K hissed, staggering as his own transformation fought its way through the fading magic. He fell to one knee, clutching his chest — the pain ripping through him like glass. He’d never fully recovered from losing his mate; the change always carved through him slower, crueler.

“K!” Nicholas shouted, half-snarl, half-command.

“Go,” K ground out, eyes glowing amber through the agony. “I’ll catch up—”

But Nicholas was already gone, hurling himself into the fray.

The fight was brutal and short.

Seven men against a wolf twice their size, fur as red as fire. His movements were a blur — claws flashing, jaws snapping, roars echoing off stone. The soldiers’ wards flared blue, but each time one struck him, he came back harder, faster.

It wasn’t a battle. It was an eruption.

Ruby, frozen at the gate, wanted to look away. She couldn’t. The sight was both horrifying and impossible to turn from — a force of nature unleashed.

Then she saw the elf child. Still there, trembling behind a barrel, clutching a torn satchel.

Ruby ran.

She dropped to her knees beside the child, voice trembling but gentle. “Hey, hey — look at me.”

The girl’s eyes were wild, luminous with tears. “Is he killing them?” she whispered.

Ruby shook her head quickly. “No. No, look.” She flipped open her sketchbook, frantic. “Look at this — see? It’s a wolf. That’s him. He’s not a monster. He’s just scared, like you.”

Her hands moved fast, pencil scratching even as her voice shook. She drew Nicholas — the line of his jaw, the glint of his fur, the eyes that were more human than beast. The child blinked, mesmerised. The sound of the fighting dulled in her ears, replaced by the soft rasp of graphite on paper.

But the peace shattered when a torch arced through the air.

It landed in the grass beside them, fire leaping up instantly. Villagers — drawn by the noise — had poured from their homes, clutching pitchforks and clubs.

“Traitors!” they screamed. “Burn the beasts!”

A rock struck Ruby’s shoulder. Another hit her cheek. She shielded the child with her arms, teeth clenched.

Nicholas roared — a sound that silenced the mob. He turned on them, eyes blazing gold in the firelight. The ground shook beneath his paws as he took one step forward — one threat, one warning.

“Enough!”

The word wasn’t quite human, wasn’t quite wolf — a sound that made the villagers stumble back, torches flickering.

Then a second growl answered him.

K rose from the dirt, the transformation finally complete. He was massive — with the palest fur Ruby had ever seen and burning eyes, his chest still heaving from the pain. He staggered, shook once, and then steadied beside Nicholas.

“Time to go,” K rumbled.

Nicholas turned — bloodied, panting — to where Ruby crouched protectively over the elf child. She looked up at him, ash streaking her face, eyes wide and terrified but not of him.

Something inside him stuttered.

She trusted him.

That was all the reason he needed.

He scooped Ruby up in one arm, the child in the other, ignoring her startled gasp. K took the lead, barreling through the burning gate.

Behind them, shouts rose and firelight painted the sky.

Ahead — only forest. Only darkness.

Only the pounding rhythm of paws on dirt and the heavy, tangled breath of three lives that should never have collided.

The forest swallowed them whole.

The shouts of the village died somewhere behind, smothered by the roar of the wind and the pounding of paws against dirt. Ruby clung to Nicholas’s fur — soft, coarse, alive — her face buried in his neck to block out the burning scent of smoke. The elfling in her arms trembled but didn’t cry; her tiny fingers clutching Ruby’s sleeve like a lifeline.

When they crossed the warded border, the air changed. It was cooler, older — thick with moss and the faint hum of magic. The forest floor sloped down into a ravine, where the moonlight caught on slick stone and carved the faint outline of the den: a hidden hollow between roots and cliffs, veiled in fog.

Nicholas slowed, chest heaving. The potion’s aftertaste still burned on his tongue, but the wolf had full command now — flesh mended, adrenaline humming. Behind him, K staggered.

“K,” Nicholas barked low, turning his massive head back.

“I’m fine,” K rasped, but his voice cracked mid-shift. His form was flickering — half-fur, half-flesh, the strain of it pulling him apart. The pain hit him in waves. He stumbled once, twice—

Nicholas shifted before he could fall. Bones snapped, skin stretched, and in seconds he was human again, naked to the waist, his right arm torn from where a blade had grazed him. He caught K by the shoulder, hauling him up, his own breathing jagged.

“Save it,” Nicholas muttered, half-growl. “We’re almost there.”

They crested the ridge — and the den came alive.

Torches flared. Shadows moved. Wolves. Or men? Men with tails? looked up from the fire pit where the pack had been gathered for the night watch. Euijoo, tall and broad-shouldered, was first to spot them. His sharp amber gaze flicked over the scene — Nicholas limping, K bleeding, a human girl in torn skirts clutching a glowing child — and his brow twitched once.

He exhaled. “Guys,” he said slowly. “We have got to stop bringing strays home.”

The silence broke into a low chorus of disbelief.

“Is that— a human?” “An elf child?” “K’s bleeding again—someone get Harua!”

Nicholas ignored them all, lowering Ruby and the child gently to the ground before collapsing against the nearest wall. His right arm was trembling; blood still seeping down his forearm where the sword had cut deep.

Maki appeared out of nowhere, wide-eyed, tail bristling even in human form. 

“What did you do, Nicholas?!” He demanded, throwing his hands in the air.

“We send you to get herbs, and you come back with— with these?” He gestured wildly at Ruby and the child. “You are never going near the village again, do you hear me?”

Nicholas grunted. “You’re welcome.”

“Welcome?” Taki shrieked. “For what? Breaking the curfew or causing another human panic?!”

“Enough,” Euijoo said, his voice cutting through the noise. He stepped forward, eyes landing on Ruby. “Human.”

Ruby blinked, her voice small but steady. “Ruby.”

“Ruby,” Euijoo repeated, testing the name like it was a foreign object. “Do you have any idea where you are?”

Ruby swallowed. “A wolf den,” she said, almost to herself. Then louder, shakier: “You’re… real.”

A few of the younger wolves snorted. Harua, the pack’s healer, elbowed his way through the group and dropped to his knees in front of Ruby, eyes sweeping over her like a scanner. “Any injuries?”

“I—I don’t think so,” Ruby stammered.

Harua was already dabbing at a scrape on her cheek with a cloth that smelled of mint and metal. “You’re lucky. Most humans don’t make it this far.” 

He paused, his gaze softening as he caught sight of the elfling pressed against Ruby’s side. “Oh, stars above…”

The child’s silver eyes blinked open. She flinched when Harua reached out. 

“No,” she whispered, clutching Ruby tighter.

Ruby held her protectively. “It’s okay. She’s scared.”

Fuma, the Beta, folded his arms. “What exactly happened out there?” His voice was low, measured, but there was steel beneath it.

Nicholas didn’t look up. “Human soldiers,” he said flatly. “They tried to take the elfling across the border. We stopped them.”

“And the human?” Fuma asked, nodding at Ruby.

“She was there,” K rasped, his voice raw as he leaned against the wall. 

“Defended the child. Defended us.”

That made the room go quiet.

Harua’s hands paused on Ruby’s cheek. Maki’s mouth opened, then closed again. Even Euijoo’s eyes softened a fraction.

Ruby felt the weight of their gazes — the disbelief, the unease — and hugged the child closer. The smell of pine and smoke filled her nose. The wolves around her were beautiful and terrible all at once, their eyes gleaming in the half-light, their presence too large, too real.

She couldn’t breathe.

The den was warm, but she felt cold all over.

Nicholas’s voice broke through the silence. “She’s not the enemy,” he said quietly.

Jo turned to him, one brow raised. “Funny, coming from you.”

Nicholas glared but didn’t rise to it. The flicker of movement beside him — the way Ruby was gently stroking the elfling’s hair, murmuring something soft — shut him up faster than Euijoo’s authority could.

Harua stood, brushing off his hands. “She’s in shock,” He said briskly. “And the child too. Let them rest.”

Euijoo nodded once, then looked to Nicholas. “And you. You’ve got blood on your arm and your pride’s half-gone. Fuma, patch them up.”

Yuma crossed his arms. “And what about her?”

All eyes turned to Ruby again.

Euijoo exhaled, long and slow. “She stays,” he said finally. “Until we figure out what the hell happened out there.”

Ruby’s heart hammered. “Stays?”

Nicholas didn’t meet her eyes. “It’s safer here than out there.”

That was all he said — but something in his tone made Ruby’s breath catch. The walls of the den seemed to close around her, thick with heat and the musky scent of wolves. She could feel the tension in the air — curiosity, suspicion, maybe even a sliver of acceptance.

She glanced down at the child in her lap, now fast asleep. Her fingers trembled as she brushed a strand of pale hair from the girl’s face.

“Alright,” she whispered. “Just for tonight.”

From across the fire, Nicholas watched her — the human who shouldn’t have been there, the girl whose scent still clung to his senses like wildflowers after rain.

His wolf stirred, restless.

Ours, it whispered again.

And for the first time in a week, Nicholas didn't find himself fighting back.

The den had a heartbeat.

It pulsed low and deep, through stone and soil and air — the thrum of life that belonged only to wolves. Ruby sat near the back chamber, the faint scent of pine and smoke thick around her, clutching a cup of something warm Harua had forced into her hands.

Her pulse hadn’t slowed since they arrived.

From the adjoining room, raised voices echoed — Euijoo’s calm, commanding tone and Fuma’s cooler, deliberate cadence. Then K’s rougher, weary one. And Nicholas. His was the lowest — steady, clipped — but the moment she heard it, her stomach twisted.

He sounded better. Stronger.

And even though she didn’t understand half of what they were talking about — wards, council jurisdiction, traces of glamour — the tension told her enough. Whatever happened at the village… wasn’t going away quietly.

“—it’s going to lead straight back to us if they find the tracks,” Fuma said, his voice sharp even through the wall.

“They won’t,” Nicholas replied. “I covered the scent trail before we crossed the border.”

“You shouldn’t have crossed the border at all,” Euijoo cut in. “You and K both broke curfew. The council’s been itching for an excuse to monitor this territory.”

There was a pause. Then the sound of a chair scraping.

“She’s human,” Fuma added, quieter now. “And she’s in our den. That alone could cost us.”

Ruby’s fingers tightened around the cup.

“She saved the child,” Nicholas said.

The silence that followed was deafening.

It shouldn’t have mattered, but the way he said it — low, firm, as if daring them to argue — made Ruby’s throat close up.

A soft voice broke through her spiralling thoughts.

“You look like you’re about to bolt.”

Ruby turned. Jo leaned against the entrance, a cup in his own hand, easy smile softening the sharpness of his amber eyes. He had that kind of relaxed energy that made her think of sunlight filtering through trees — the opposite of Nicholas’s storm.

“They’re not going to eat me, are they?” she muttered.

Jo chuckled. “Depends who you ask. Maki might.”

Ruby gave a short, nervous laugh. “I should… go. I don’t belong here.”

“Too late for that,” Jo said lightly, nodding toward the hall. “Nicholas said you can use his room for now. The pack’s still figuring out what to do with you and the kid.”

Ruby blinked. “Nicholas said that?”

Jo smirked. “Yeah. Which is weird, by the way. He doesn’t even let me touch his stuff.”

Ruby followed him through a narrow tunnel lined with moss and soft lamplight. The deeper they went, the more she could feel the pack’s eyes on her — curious, wary. Wolves paused mid-conversation, their gazes following the human girl wrapped in a borrowed cloak.

Nicholas’s room was simple — rough stone walls, a wooden desk stacked with maps and journals, a bed built into the alcove with thick furs. It smelled like cedar and smoke and something warm she couldn’t quite name.

Jo gestured around. “It’s not much, but it’s the warmest room in the den. He said you can rest here.”

Ruby hovered near the doorway unable to process what Jo just said, “He fucking hates me, doesn’t he?”

Jo barked out a laugh. “Don’t take it personally. Nicholas hates everyone.” He leaned against the wall, arms crossed. “He even hates my mate half the time, but he’s coming around. Just takes him a few… decades.”

Ruby blinked. “Mate?”

“Ah, right. Human,” Jo said with a grin. “It’s… complicated. Wolves have mates — bonds chosen by instinct, by magic. It’s like your heart recognising someone as yours.”

Ruby’s brow furrowed. “And you have one?”

“Syrena,” he said, the edge of a smile tugging at his lips. “Siren, full of trouble. I brought her back to the den when she washed up on our shores injured, stubborn and too pretty for her own good.”

“And now?”

“Now I can’t imagine breathing without her.”

Ruby smiled faintly, but her voice was small when she said, “Must be nice. Being chosen like that.”

Jo tilted his head, studying her. “You sound like you know something about it.”

Ruby hesitated, tracing the rim of the cup. “I don’t. I just… I think magical beings are misunderstood. Everyone acts like you’re monsters, but from what I’ve seen, humans can be worse.”

Jo’s expression softened. “That’s not something most humans would admit.”

She shrugged. “Maybe I’m not like most humans.”

A beat. Then Jo said, “Then maybe Nicholas doesn’t hate you as much as you think.”

Ruby looked up sharply. “What makes you say that?”

Jo smiled knowingly. “If he’s letting you use his bed, you’re already halfway past his walls. The rest of us had to bleed for that privilege.”

Ruby flushed, caught off guard. “You’re joking.”

“Not even a little.”

For a moment, they both laughed — the first genuine sound in hours. But it faded when voices rose again from down the hall.

“Do you think he’ll be in trouble?” Ruby asked quietly. “Nicholas, I mean.”

Jo’s grin softened into something like fond exasperation. “Nicholas is always in trouble. He’ll survive it. He always does.”

He straightened, turning toward the door. “Rest. I’ll have Harua bring food when he’s done scolding K for bleeding on his floor again.”

Ruby gave a small nod. “Jo?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.”

He smiled, eyes bright. “Don’t thank me yet. Wait till Nicholas finds out you messed up his sheets.”

And with that, he was gone.

Ruby sank down onto the edge of the bed, tracing the rough stitching of the furs. She could still hear the muffled voices down the corridor, the restless shuffle of the pack beyond. Somewhere in that chaos, Nicholas was probably pacing, arguing with the Alpha.

But here, surrounded by his scent, by warmth that wasn’t hers — her chest ached with something she couldn’t name.

Outside, the forest wind howled softly through the den’s tunnels, and for the first time since she arrived, Ruby felt her eyelids grow heavy.

K hit the ground before anyone realised he was falling.

The sound of it — flesh against stone — cracked through the den, sharp enough to cut conversation clean in half.

Jo was there first, swearing as he caught K under the shoulders. “Hey—hey—easy—”

K’s body trembled violently, teeth clenched so hard it looked like his jaw might shatter. His shift hadn’t healed right. It never did anymore. His muscles spasmed, wolf instincts tearing against a body that could no longer keep up. 

Harua dropped to his knees beside him, hands already glowing faintly. Then — just as quickly — the glow flickered, sputtered… and went out.

“No,” Harua breathed. He pressed his fingers to K’s side, where dark bruising bled through cloth. “This is bad.”

Euijoo turned fully now, all attention snapping to the fallen wolf.

“What happened to you,” the Alpha demanded quietly, “on the way back.”

K laughed once — a brittle, broken sound. “You should see the other guy.”

Harua shook his head. “Multiple fractures. Internal bruising. His ribs never fully reset after the last shift. And his healing is—” He swallowed. “—slowed. Drastically.”

The den stirred uneasily.

Everyone knew why.

A wolf without his mate was a wolf in constant withdrawal.

Euijoo crouched, gripping K’s chin firmly enough to force his gaze up. “Look at me.”

K did.

His pupils were blown wide. Fever-sweat clung to his skin. Pain had hollowed him out.

“You’re dying in pieces,” Euijoo said. 

Not unkindly. Not softly.

K closed his eyes. “I know.”

“That ends now,” Euijoo said. “You don’t get to fall apart while the pack is under threat.”

Nicholas looked away.

Fuma straightened from where he’d been listening, his expression grim. “Alpha,” he said, voice clipped, “we need to talk about fallout.”

“Go on.”

“The human council will use this,” Fuma said. “They already fear us. Now they’ll claim we crossed the wardlines, interfered in human affairs, and abducted a citizen.”

Nicholas cursed. “They never cared about Ruby. Not once.”

“Truth doesn’t matter,” Fuma replied. “Narrative does.”

A low murmur rippled through the pack.

“We’re already down one packmate,” Harua added quietly. “K can’t patrol. And now we have…” He glanced toward the inner tunnels. “…more to protect.”

The elfing whimpered softly somewhere deeper in the den.

“And a human,” Maki muttered.

Nicholas’s head snapped up, a warning snarl curling his lip before he could stop it.

Euijoo caught it.

“Enough,” the Alpha said, voice cracking like thunder. “This isn’t the time.”

Before anyone could respond—

The den doors opened again.

This time, two figures entered at once.

Taki and Yuma, breathless, mud-splattered, eyes bright with urgency.

Taki spoke first. “Human movement confirmed on the eastern border. Armed. Coordinated. They’re waiting for something.”

Yuma didn’t wait for the echo to fade.

“The council knows Ruby’s gone,” he said. “They’re demanding answers. Accusing us of defiance. Of breaking treaty.”

The room exploded.

“What?” “That fast?” “They’re blaming us already—”

“They’re calling it an abduction,” Yuma finished. “And they’re not alone.”

Euijoo stood slowly.

“Levathians?” he said.

Yuma nodded grimly. “They’ve taken some potion to mask themselves amongst the humans but it’s them. I can smell their rotting flesh — sweet and wrong beneath the human stink.” 

He continued,,“They’re fanning the panic. Whispering that the Veil is weakening. That wolves are preparing to rise.”

Nicholas’s stomach dropped.

Fuma ran a hand through his hair. “If the Levathians exploit this—”

“They’ll use the humans as cover,” Euijoo finished. “And strike both sides.”

Harua’s voice trembled. “We’re not ready.”

Euijoo’s gaze hardened.

“We don’t get ready,” he said. “We respond.”

He turned to Taki. “Double patrols. Silent rotation.”

To Yuma. “Send word to our allies. Quietly.”

Then his eyes found Nicholas.

“And you,” Euijoo said carefully, “are officially a liability.”

The words cut deeper than claws.

“You will not leave the den unless I order it.”

Nicholas said nothing. Silence was the only thing keeping his wolf from tearing the walls down.

Because somewhere inside these walls was his mate — human, fragile, hated — and outside them, the world was sharpening its knives.

And for the first time in generations, the pack realised:

This wasn’t a border dispute.

This was the beginning of a war.

Nicholas didn’t mean to wake her roughly.

But time was already bleeding out of them.

He stopped at the threshold of his room, chest tight at the sight of her curled into the furs — too small for the danger pressing in from all sides. The elfing was tucked against her side, fingers knotted in her sleeve, breathing in soft, uneven pulls.

For a moment, Nicholas just stood there.

Then he knelt and shook her shoulder once. Firm. Controlled.

“Ruby.”

She startled awake with a sharp inhale, eyes flying open — already scrambling, already bracing.

“It’s okay,” he said immediately. Too fast. “You’re safe. Quiet.”

That made her pause.

She blinked, disoriented. “Nicholas…?”

The elfing stirred, whimpering softly. Ruby’s arm came up instinctively, shielding the child before she was fully conscious.

Nicholas noticed. Of course he did.

“Listen to me,” he said, voice low. Not unkind — just urgent. “We don’t have much time.”

Her heart kicked hard against her ribs. “What’s wrong?”

“Humans are moving on the borders,” he said. No embellishment. No panic. “The Council’s claiming we kidnapped you. Levathians are involved.”

Her breath hitched. “Lev— what?”

“Later,” he cut in, not sharply, but decisively. “What matters is this: things are about to get worse.”

“Wait, Leviathans are real?” She pushed herself upright, furs slipping from her shoulders. “This is my fault,” she whispered. “I knew they’d do this. I knew they’d twist it—”

“Stop.”

The word cut clean through her spiral.

She looked at him. Really looked.

Nicholas hadn’t raised his voice. He hadn’t touched her again. But his gaze had locked onto hers, steady and unyielding.

“Breathe,” he said. “You’re safe. Right now.”

Her chest stuttered once, twice. She inhaled shakily.

“That’s it,” he murmured. “Again.”

She obeyed before she even realised she was doing it.

“There,” he said. “Good.”

Nicholas was still stone-still, still guarded — but his eyes were intent now, anchored on her face like he was holding her in place by sheer will.

“This is not on you,” he said. “They were looking for an excuse. You just happened to exist.”

“That’s not comforting for someone who's panicking,” she breathed.

“Then don’t panic,” he replied. “It wastes time.”

She swallowed, fingers curling into the blanket. “What happens now?”

Nicholas exhaled slowly, measured. “The pack is preparing for conflict. I’ve been ordered to stay in the den.”

Her gaze flicked up sharply. “You? Ordered?”

“Yes.”

“That’s bad,” she said immediately.

His jaw tightened. “It’s necessary.”

“And me?” Her voice dropped. “What am I supposed to do?”

Nicholas hesitated — just long enough to betray him.

“You stay with me.”

The words came out flat, final.

Ruby stared. “But you just said you can’t leave the den, what if they need me to evacuate or what if—”

“I didn’t say I wouldn’t protect you,” he replied.

Her pulse spiked. “Nicholas—”

He leaned closer then, bracing one hand against the floor beside her knee. Not touching her. Never touching. But close enough that she could feel the heat of him, the steadiness.

“Ruby,” he said quietly, and her name sounded different in his mouth — like a vow he hadn’t meant to make. “I don’t have many options right now. But this is one of them.”

Her chest tightened. “You can’t promise me that.”

“I don’t make promises,” Nicholas said. “I make decisions.”

He stood, offering her a hand only after a brief hesitation — as if he hadn’t planned to, but couldn’t not.

“Get dressed. Stay close to me. If things escalate, you do exactly what I say.”

The elfing shifted again, pressing closer into her side. Ruby wrapped an arm around the child automatically, eyes never leaving Nicholas.

“They’re going to come here, aren’t they?” she asked.

“Yes.”

“And you can’t fight them.”

A muscle ticked in his jaw. “Not unless I’m ordered to.”

“And if they hurt you? Or the pack?”

Nicholas’s expression hardened — something feral flashing beneath the surface. “Then orders stop mattering.”

The way he said it made her believe him.

Her breathing went uneven, panic creeping back in around the edges. “I’m just human,” she whispered. “I can’t fight Levathians or soldiers or even the council, they weren’t listening to me before. I don’t even know how to survive this world.”

Nicholas straightened slightly — then, unexpectedly, he reached out and placed his hand over hers.

The contact was brief. Grounding. Real.

“You survived the woods,” he said. “You survived them.”

Her eyes burned. “Barely.”

“Still counts.”

She let out a shaky laugh that dissolved halfway into a breath. “You’re very bad at reassurance.”

“I know.”

“But you’re trying,” she said softly.

His hand withdrew at once, as if he’d crossed a line. His face closed off again — but the damage was done.

A horn sounded.

Low. Long. Human.

Nicholas’s head snapped up.

Every wolf in the den went still — ears pricking, spines stiffening, breath held. The sound wasn’t a warning.

It was a summons.

Ruby felt it before she understood it. The air changed — thickened — like the forest itself was bracing.

“That’s them, isn’t it,” she whispered.

“Yes,” Nicholas said.

He turned away from her first — sharp, controlled — already shifting into motion. “Stay behind me.”

She didn’t argue. The way he said it didn’t allow for debate.

They moved fast through the den’s tunnels, the pack flowing around them in tense silence. No battle cries. No bravado. Just readiness — the kind born from knowing things were about to go wrong.

They emerged at the wardline as torches flared to life.

Humans stood in a jagged line beyond the boundary stones — armed, armoured, angry. Pitchforks. Blades. Crossbows lifted with shaking hands.

And hatred.

Euijoo stepped forward, chest lifted, aura tight as steel. The humans wavered under the sight of the Alpha, yet none dared move back.

“Step aside,” one captain barked, pointing a crossbow with trembling hands. “Return the girl. Now.”

“Return the girl?” Euijoo’s voice was low, ice-laced. “She is not missing. She is not taken. She has never been in your custody. Stop pretending otherwise.”

A soldier spat at the ground. “You beasts—moon-cursed monsters—think you can walk among us, hide what you do. You take our children, our people, our women!”

“Enough,” Euijoo’s growl carried over the murmuring line, and yet his patience was fraying. “I will not tolerate lies. No treaties are broken here except by your hatred.”

“Hatred?!” A man stepped forward, face flushed. “We live in fear because of your kind! Every night we hear your howls—every night we pray we survive!”

“Fear does not justify murder,” Euijoo said. “You speak of fear, yet you come armed to intimidate a family of innocent creatures. Explain that.”

“Family?” A woman sneered, sneering with open contempt. “That human, standing there with you… she is one of us!”

“She is one of your kind because she is human. She is also one of us because she is safe.”

The humans’ murmurs turned to a loud chorus of accusations. Euijoo’s jaw tightened. The line of humans shifted — tense, twitching. They were ready to strike, but hesitated under the Alpha’s aura… until one of them, a young soldier, snapped.

A Levathian dropped the human skin like peeling cloth. Its true form shimmered in the firelight — blackened flesh, ragged wings, eyes like smoldering coals. It didn’t hesitate. The human beside it froze for a heartbeat… then the Levathian sank teeth into his throat, ripping flesh and sinew clean. Blood spattered across the cobblestones, and the man’s scream cut off mid-choke.

Pandemonium ignited instantly.

“Kill it!” the humans shouted. Panic-stricken, they turned their weapons toward the wolves, forgetting that the real threat was no longer among them.

Euijoo’s roar split the air. “Protect the humans! Do not kill, I repeat, do NOT kill.”

Wolves surged forward, moving like liquid shadows. Muzzle and claw, they shoved humans out of the way, pulling them away from the Levathian before more blood could be spilled.

Nicholas’s senses flared. He didn’t think. He acted. A soldier lunged at Ruby, blade raised. He grabbed the man’s wrist, twisted it until the weapon clattered away. His other hand knocked the soldier to the ground, teeth gritted, muscles taut.

Nearby, Maki ripped a crossbow from another human’s hands, smashing it against the stones. Fuma barreled into two soldiers at once, throwing them back with a feral roar making Harua stare at him midfight. 

“What?” Fuma dodges a punch. “Euijoo said don’t kill. He didn’t say I couldn’t hurt them.”

The Levathians moved with chaos in their veins, tearing indiscriminately, using human panic as cover. Smoke and fire from torches caught the edge of their wings, sending sparks flying into the crowd.

Ruby shrieked as a torch landed near her furs. Nicholas shoved her behind him again, arm brushing hers — grounding, protective. Her eyes locked with his. His stare said: You survive. I will make sure of it.

A Levathian clawed its way toward the wardline, taking down a soldier before Taki intercepted. Nicholas moved like a shadow, striking and blocking in equal measure. The humans didn’t know who to fight; the wolves weren’t just attacking—they were protecting.

But the Levathians weren’t just fighting—they were sowing terror. One lunged at a human soldier, no older than 15, scared to their wits holding a machete; Nicholas dove, shoving Ruby and the elfing aside, and the Levathian’s claws scratched the stones inches from their heads.

“Run!” he barked, voice rough, but steady, and for the first time Ruby felt the full weight of his intensity. It was not optional. It was survival.

Through the chaos, the humans’ weapons began to misfire, their fear clouding their aim. Yet still, some struck out blindly, some lunged at the wolves. Nicholas and Euijoo worked in tandem, tearing, shoving, redirecting — the pack a perfect, terrifying unit.

But fire, screams, and blood made the battlefield collapse into chaos. Nicholas’s teeth were bared, his hands slick with human and wolf alike.

Then Ruby was yanked away. Not by him — by the momentum of the crowd, the smoke, the Levathians’ indiscriminate violence. She fell behind debris. She screamed.

“Ruby!” Nicholas lunged, teeth snapping at air, reaching for her — but she disappeared into the maelstrom.

Chaos reigned. Wolves screamed. Humans panicked. Levathians feasted. And somewhere inside Nicholas, the wolf roared — not at humans, not at Levathians, but at fate itself.

Smoke and screams choked the streets. Sparks from torches clung to the cobblestones, hissing when they touched the blood-slicked ground. Wolves moved like shadows, limbs coiled for strike and defense. Nicholas’s heart pounded, senses stretched past human limits, eyes darting for Ruby.

He spotted her. The elfing clutched her sleeve, small hands trembling. But the crowd of panicked humans and the screeching Levathians shifted around them like a tidal wave.

Then a human soldier lunged, shoving Ruby violently forward. She stumbled, shrieking, and the elfing slipped from her arms. Time slowed. Nicholas’s mind split: one half screaming to save Ruby, the other — the wolf inside — clawing toward the child.

Even battered, K surged through the chaos, catching the elfing mid-fall. He gritted his teeth against the pain twisting through him, ribs protesting with every movement.

“Go!” K rasped, voice raw. “Save… your mate!”

Nicholas froze. His jaw tightened. K had known. All along. K had known who she was — and had made the choice for him.

Ruby screamed as a soldier grabbed her, dragging her away. She thrashed, kicking, clawing at the grip, eyes wild with terror.

“RUBY!” Nicholas’s voice cut through the noise, low and feral. He sprinted. Faster than thought, faster than any human could perceive. The streets blurred, sparks flying across his path, soldiers screaming, wolves snarling and snapping in the background.

“Stand down!” Euijoo’s roar cracked the air, but Nicholas didn’t slow.

“Nicholas!”

He didn’t. Couldn’t. Every ounce of him was consumed by the need to reach her, to protect her. The human soldier tightened his hold, trying to push her toward the fleeing troop, but Nicholas was there in a heartbeat, hands like iron.

He slammed into the soldier, twisting him off Ruby and sending him sprawling into the cobblestones. Nicholas grabbed Ruby, pressing her against his chest, keeping her shielded from the chaos around them. Her breath came in panicked gasps, hair plastered to her face with sweat and ash.

“I’m here,” Nicholas said, voice low, deadly calm. “I’ve got you. Don’t scream. Don’t fight anyone else. Just stay with me.”

“Ni—Nicholas!” Ruby’s voice trembled, tears streaking her dirt-smeared face. “They—they’re killing everyone!”

“I know,” he murmured. His jaw flexed. He scanned the chaos: Levathians tearing through humans, wolves redirecting attacks, the den under siege. 

Nothing could stop him from getting her to safety.

Nicholas’s lips pressed into a hard line. The wolf in him surged — instincts, bond, survival — all demanding he put himself between Ruby and everything that could harm her.

He sprinted, weaving between soldiers and panicked villagers, Ruby clinging to him like her life depended on it. Sparks from burning torches hissed along his cloak. A Levathian lunged, but Nicholas pivoted, letting the wolf inside him react with lethal precision, claws and teeth striking where he couldn’t reach with human hands.

“Move!” he barked, voice rough, raw, carrying authority even in chaos. Ruby pressed herself closer, clinging to him as if she could fuse into his body, and for a fraction of a heartbeat, he let himself feel the bond settle — not just instinct, but recognition, connection.

Behind them, K staggered, the elfing clutched tight against him. The wolf’s breaths came ragged, ribs sharp with pain, muscles trembling. But the child was safe. K’s eyes met Nicholas’s across the battlefield, and the silent communication was clear: She’s yours. Keep her alive.

Nicholas’s teeth clenched. I will.

The human troop tried to regroup, but now panic rippled through their ranks. 

Levathians had revealed themselves. Wolves and humans alike were entangled in chaos, yet Nicholas didn’t hesitate. Every movement was precise, every step calculated, all for the one fragile human he couldn’t allow to die.

The streets blurred in firelight and blood, and for once, orders didn’t matter. Bond did. Survival did. And right now, Ruby’s life was all that mattered.

The chaos didn’t slow. The clatter of metal, the screams of humans, and the guttural snarls of wolves filled the air. Nicholas’s arms tightened around Ruby, every inch of him bristling with controlled ferocity. The Levathians surged forward, black-scaled limbs whipping, jagged teeth tearing, claws rending stone and flesh alike.

Then — a pause.

The humans caught it too. Confusion flickered over their fear, but then recognition dawned: the wolves weren’t the threat. The Leviathians were.

“Hold your ground!” a human officer shouted. “The wolves aren’t killing us — they’re protecting us!”

A human soldier, mid-swing, froze. His eyes widened as another Levathian leapt past him, claws aimed for his throat. And it stopped — cocking its head, strange hesitation in its movements. A low, guttural hiss escaped the creature.

The sound cut through the air like ice. Wolves froze mid-leap, ears flattening. Nicholas’s hackles rose. Leviathians didn’t speak. Never. The realisation hit like a thunderclap — they had learned speech from a species that knew language. A species completely taken over.

Fuma’s growl joined Euijoo’s roar, wolves fanning out around the humans, teeth bared, claws shredding armor and flesh. Nicholas ripped a Levathian’s limb clean from its torso, blood spraying like a storm. Ruby flinched at the sight but clung to him tightly, grounding him, forcing him back into control when the rage threatened to overtake.

The street became a nightmare of teeth, claws, and metal. Limbs flew. Scales were shredded. A Levathian’s jaw snapped shut on a human’s sword hilt — it wailed, thrashing as wolves tore it apart limb by limb. K, despite his fractured body and sluggish recovery, lunged at another, slamming it against a wall and dragging it away from the humans before it could strike. Harua’s light stitched wounds almost instantly broke, and K’s body screamed in protest, bruises deepening with every movement.

Humans slowly joined the wolves in coordinated attacks. Soldiers who had pointed their blades at the den moments before now found themselves fighting side by side with teeth and claws. Ruby watched, wide-eyed, as soldiers blocked a Leviathian’s strike only for Nicholas to drive a foot through its chest. The creature’s scream — unnatural, wet, tearing — echoed in the alleyways, chilling and inhuman.

“Push them back!” Euijoo bellowed. “Do not give ground!”

The Leviathians faltered. Outnumbered. Outmaneuvered. Some stumbled, claws flailing blindly. One exploded into the sea when Nicholas and Fuma coordinated a pincer strike, leaving only dark water behind. Another hissed in fury, spitting at a human soldier, then vanished in a whirl of shadow toward the surf.

The remaining Leviathians glanced at each other, then back at the overwhelming force of combined human and wolf might. Their sharp claws retracted, fangs snapping shut. One more step forward, then it froze. Its lips peeled back in a snarl, then it repeated, guttural and alien:

“Retreat. We… will be… back.”

The words echoed across the streets. Silence fell for a heartbeat before the remaining Leviathians retreated, their black shapes sliding into the waves, leaving a trail of blood and broken stone behind.

Nicholas lowered himself to the ground, chest heaving, furs and clothes soaked in blood and grime. Ruby clung to him, small and human against his towering, wolf-enhanced frame. She pressed her face into his shoulder, shivering.

Nicholas’s hands went to her arms, steadying her, eyes scanning her face. The war raging outside barely touched them here, and for a fleeting second, the storm paused.

Ruby dared to move closer, fingers brushing the blood-stained furs at his chest. “Nicholas…” she whispered again.

He caught her gaze, jaw tightening. The cold, stoic mask was gone, replaced by something feral, protective, and aching. “We're okay,” he said, voice soft, almost intimate. “Don’t let go.”

She didn’t. Not for a second.

Outside, Euijoo and the humans were exchanging tense, shouting words. The humans’ weapons were still raised, but their faces bore recognition now — the wolves weren’t the threat. A truce, shaky and prejudiced, formed in that heat-soaked street.

“Temporary,” Euijoo shouted to his pack, scanning the retreating Leviathians. “They’ll be back.”

The den was quiet now, the chaos of the streets fading into distant echoes. Wolves padded over broken stone and soot-streaked fur, tending wounds and checking the barricades. K was wrapped in furs in a corner, groaning softly, still healing as slow as ever. Euijoo and Fuma huddled over a map, voices low, debating Council fallout.

Nicholas didn’t look at any of it. He was focused entirely on Ruby. She sat on a pile of furs, the elfing in her arms, knees drawn close. Her hair was mussed, cheeks streaked with ash and blood, yet she had survived.

He crouched in front of her, elbows on his knees, eyes fixed. “You’re still here,” he said, almost to himself.

Ruby tilted her head. “I didn’t go anywhere.”

“You could’ve been killed,” he said quietly. “I… I won’t let it happen again.”

She blinked at him, uncertain how to respond. He studied her instead, the way she flinched at the faintest sound, the way her fingers lingered on the elfing, the way her eyes took in the den.

“You confuse me,” he said finally, voice low, steady, deliberate. “I spent the past few nights hating the moon, because it reminded me of what I thought I wanted. My mate… I thought she’d be the exact mirror of me. I thought she’d be me.”

Ruby’s breath hitched. “You—you mean… me?”

He nodded. “But it’s you. And… I don’t know how, but I’m okay with that.”

She swallowed hard. “Okay with… what?”

Nicholas’s gaze softened, just enough. “You’re… not what I expected. But that doesn’t matter. You—” He paused, as though measuring his words. “—you don’t have to accept it. This… bond.”

Ruby frowned.

“Mate,” he said, the word clipped, wolfish, but earnest. “I didn’t accept it at first either. I fought it. Didn’t think it could exist outside of the rules. But it’s real. And if you accept it… then I swear, I’ll keep you safe. Nothing will hurt you while I’m here.”

Her chest tightened. “And if I don’t?”

He shrugged, stoic as always, but not dismissive. “Then… nothing changes. You can leave. You don’t owe me anything. I’ll… survive.”

Ruby’s fingers traced the blood-stained furs at his chest. “And if I do?”

Nicholas let out a long, low breath. His wolf instincts hummed beneath his skin, alert, possessive, protective. “Then you stay close. Always. And I’ll stay close to you. Always.”

She blinked at him. Words failed. The firelight flickered across his sharp features, softening the edge just enough. He reached out — just his hand, brushing against hers, grounding her. Not a caress, not a gesture of indulgence — a simple, firm connection, a promise made through touch alone.

Ruby leaned into him instinctively, small and human against his wolf-enhanced frame. The elfing stirred, nuzzling closer, and Nicholas’s other hand went to her shoulder, steadying her.

“You’ll be safe,” he said again, voice low, almost a whisper, but absolute. “I mean it. No one—nothing—will get to you while I’m here.”

She looked up at him, eyes wide, and for the first time, Nicholas allowed the faintest curve of a smile to touch his lips. Not because he was soft, not because he had changed entirely, but because this human — this chaotic, fragile, stubborn human — had claimed a space inside him he didn’t expect.

“Stay,” he said finally, the word simple, commanding, honest. “Stay here. With me.”

Ruby nodded, leaning closer, letting him anchor her. The world outside could wait. The streets, the Council, the Leviathians — all of it would still exist. But for this moment, in the quiet of the den, under the faint light of stars sneaking through cracks in the ceiling, Nicholas and Ruby existed only for each other.

And for the first time, he understood that being a mate didn’t mean losing control — it meant choosing her. Every day, every fight, every night under the moon.

He would choose her. Always.

©inkedbysonny

[kikidoul-deactivated20251202]

⠀⠀󠀠󠀠󠀠󠀠⠀⠀ ⠀BY LAW AND BY LOVE. (teaser)

【 𝕊 】 In order to erase the differences between bloodlines, the Ministry of Magic came up with a solution: the Pureblood Integration and Unification Act, a law that forces high-ranking pureblood families to form 'alliances' with Muggle-borns. Park Sunghoon, the Head of Department of Magical Law Enforcement and heir to a long line of pureblood tradition, finds himself caught in the crossfire. His family's reptuation depends on his cooperation and silence.

Out of everyone, he requested to be paired with you. A Muggle-born Auror known for your courage, integrity and unyielding sense of justice. The same girl who used to chase him through Diagon Alley with chocolate frogs and laughter. The same friend who once promised, under the starlit sky, that if either of you ever had to marry someone, it would be each other.

What begins as a political arrangement soon unearthed old wounds and buried feelings. Between the weight of duty and the whispers of a corrupted Ministry, Sunghoon must decide whether to follow the law he swore to uphold—or the love he's never stopped believing in.

【 ℂ 】 hogwarts au, sunghoon x fem! reader, arranged marriage, corruption, cameos of other idols, childhood friends to lovers, eventual smut, hurt with comfort and more to be added. . .

⦗ 𝒌𝒊𝒌𝒊𝒅𝒐𝒖𝒍 ⦘ banner credit goes ot my lovely, amazing and truly talented moot aka @yeonmuse. please check out her works as well and show her your support! as this will have smut, please have your age visible on your blog. no age = not added.

In the long hallways of the Ministry of Magic's building, a tall man with pale skin walked down with long, purposeful strides. The dark navy blue robes of the Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcements flowed behind him, like a shadow in motion. The silver embroidery at his cuffs shimmered faintly under the enchanted lanterns lining the wall, each step shows a picture of restrained power and precision. His wand hung by his hips, secured in a custom leather holder.

Both wizards and witches paused mid-conversation, their eyes following him with both respect and awe. He returned only curt nods, his expression unreadable as his gazed remained ahead. The corridor stretched endlessly, portraits of former Heads watching him with quiet fascination or curiosity.

The faint rustle of parchment and distant hum of magical typewriters filled the silence, setting the rhythm of official order. When he finally reached the grand oak doors leading to the management chamber, he paused to take a deep breath and slowly exhaled, shoulders slumping slightly.

"Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, Park Sunghoon—reporting as summoned."

He waited for exactly five seconds, counting them down before the doors opened on its own. The management chamber was as imposing as ever—a vast, circular room lined with towering shelves of enchanted documents and portraits of former Ministers whose eyes followed his every movement. The air was thick with authority along with the faint scent of aged parchment and potion ink.

At the center stood a onyx table that was polished to a mirror sheen, surrounded by robed officials whose faces were lit by floating orbs of soft, golden lights. The Minister of Magic sat at the far end, hands clasped over a stack of parchment, his expression unreadable but grave. Beside him were senior members from various departments.

Among them, Sunghoon was able to spot a familiar face—Lee Heeseung, who is his classmate at Hogwarts and one of his closest friends. Heeseung is the Head of the Department of International Magical Cooperation, the two often working together for most of the time.

Heeseung met Sunghoon's gaze for a fleeting moment, a hint of reassurance flickering in his eyes.

The Minister set her quill down, clearing her throat before speaking.

"Mr. Park," she began, her voice clipped yet cordial. "We appreciate your prompt arrival. There is an urgent matter that requires your attention and fullest cooperation."

Sunghoon inclined his head slightly. "Of course, Minister. May I ask what this is regarding?"

This time, Heeseung was the one to speak up as he slid a thick folder towards him. "The Pureblood and Unification Act. It's been passed through the preliminary council and will soon move to enforcement. The Ministry has decided to begin implementation—starting with our own ranks."

Sunghoon's hand paused, hovering mid-motion as he opened the folder. His eyes scanned the first document, the words reading 'Mandatory Alliance between Pureblood and Muggle-born Lineages' stared back at him, unblinking.

He looked up slowly. "You mean to tell me," he said evenly, "that high-ranking pureblood families are to form alliances through marriages, with Muggle-borns?"

The Minister nodded. "Yes, the intent is to both unify both social classes and dispel centuries of division. As the Head of the Magical Law Enforcement, your participation will set an example for the public."

Sunghoon said nothing. The way his jaw tightened didn't went unnoticed by everyone. It was with great hesitance that he had no choice but to obey, closing the folder with deliberate calmness.

"Understood, if that's the Ministry's decision, then I will act accordingly."

And just like that, the meeting ended with a curt nod from the Minister. Chairs scraped softly against the marbled floor as members begin gathering their documents. The Pureblood Integration and Unification Act had already stirred a quiet storm in his mind, but his expression remained perfectly composed. He headed towards the door, hand grabbing the handles and then, he stopped.

"Before I proceed with this directive, I have a condition," he said, his tone measured and low. He didn't have to turned to know the Ministry was not expecting this nor looking forward to it.

"A condition?"

"If the Ministry insists that I partake in this law, then I choose who I want to be paired with," he continued, already foreseeing the Ministry's reaction.

A few murmurs rose through the crowd—soft, incredulous whispers that rippled around the table. The Minister adjusted her glasses, furrowing her eyebrows and made no effort to hide her dissatisfaction and displeasure. "Mr. Park, this isn't how the selection process works. The pairings are to be assigned by—"

"—then I refuse to participate."

The interruption was calm but firm. The chamber went utterly silent and even the enchanted portraits seemed to pause. Everyone's eyes were on him now and then, did Sunghoon finally fully turned to face them, his expression still as unreadable as always.

The Minister's lips were pressed in a thin line. "You do realize that refusing a Ministry order could jeopardize your position, right?"

Sunghoon's eyes met hers. "Yes, I am aware. If this law is meant to symbolize equality, then my request should not be treated as defiance. In fact, what I'm asking for is a small matter, is it not?" He paused, taking a step towards the table and continued, "I will only accept this under one condition: my partner will be with (Name), the Muggle-born Auror currently stationed under Heeseung's department."

The said man blinked, a flicker of both amusement and surprise glimmered in his doe-like eyes before it was gone when he blinked. Several officials exchanged a bewildered glance, unable to believe what they were hearing. Some wondered if he had gone mad. One of them—a graying wizard from a department Sunghoon couldn't be bothered to remember, rose from his seat to protest.

"Ridiculous! You are a member of the Park family, one of the oldest pureblood linages! Associating you with a Muggle-born like her would be—"

"—exactly the point of your law, isn't it?" Sunghoon cut him off, voice as sharp as a well-polished blade. "You cannot preach about unification and then recoil when it becomes inconvenient. If the Ministry wish to prove this Act serves equality, you should listen to me and accept my condition."

The other hesitated, clearly on the fence. Before she could reply, Sunghoon continued, giving her one last, final push.

"And if the council intends to deny my condition, then consider my resignation effective immediately. The Department of Magical Law Enforcement will not stand behind hypocrisy.”

Everyone were rendered speechless by the sudden, bold claim made from him. His words hung in the air and no one dared to meet his gaze. After what felt like centuries, the Minister finally exhaled, conceding.

"Very well, your condition will be accepted. The alliance will be formed with Auror (Name)."

~

"Do you know what you've done? You let them die! Treating their lives like it's nothing!" You shouted, eyes tearing up and your voice trembled at the end.

It was pouring cats and dogs that night. Everyone had already gone home after work, leaving only the two of you left in the building. Back then, you were a new and low-ranked Auror and Sunghoon was assigned as your superior. At first, you were thrilled at the thought of working together with your childhood friend. However, after witnessing him choosing to let his fellow Aurors die while he chased after the target, made you have second thoughts.

Sunghoon stood a few feet away, the faint light from his wand illuminating the sharp lines of his face. His uniform was pristine, expression unreadable as always. Gone was the boy who used to sneak you chocolate frogs between lessons, who used to laugh when you tripped over spells. Standing before you was the man who had chosen his career over lives of the people he cared about. He remained silent, letting you screamed until your entire body was trembling with rage.

He didn't moved or blinked, merely standing as still as a statue with the only indications of him being alive is his shoulders rising up and down along with his eyes blinking.

"I did what had to be done. You wouldn't understand," he finally said, voice quiet but firm.

You barked out a bitter, humorless chuckle. "Of course I wouldn't understand. It's because you wouldn't fucking tell me anything!"

You closed the distance with five large strides until you were invading his personal space. You grabbed the front of his uniform, fisting the already perfect fabric in your trembling hands.

"You stood there like you're doing the right thing. News flash: you're not! You're hiding behind orders and paperwork because you're a coward! You let other people take the blame instead of standing up for them!"

He didn't flinched. Not even when your voice cracked. Not when your grip tightened until your knuckles turned white. His silence was infuriating—heavy and suffocating.

"Say something!" You screamed. "Say anything! Tell me I'm wrong. Tell me you care. Tell me you're not some heartless bastard who'll do anything the Ministry tells him to do!" You paused, heaving to catch your breath before you continued in a slightly softer tone.

"Tell me that the boy I used to know is still there."

Your words bounced off him like spells against a shield charm. Sunghoon stood there, cold and unmoving, until the tension in the air became unbearable. Then he exhaled—sharp and ragged and his composure cracked.

"You think you know everything, don't you?" His voice rose suddenly, sharp enough to slice through the air. "You think just because we knew each other since young that you know everything about me, don't you? What? Do you want me to hand you a trophy or something?"

You froze, startled by the evident disdain dripping in his words and how he was mocking you.

"Unlike you, (Name), who always acted without thinking, someone had to make that call! Someone who's able to think with their heads and not with their hearts!"

Your hands loosened slightly. But what he said next struck you harder than any blow you had received in your entire life.

"Do you want to know the truth? The boy who you used to know? He's gone, forever. So stop thinking and living in the past. You're not at Hogwarts or a student anymore," he paused, eyes burning with something you couldn't name—anger, frustration and maybe pain.

"But my biggest regret is befriending someone you."

tags list: @jun2ki, @v4mpriki, @yeonmuse, @jaylaxies, @standisease, @areikii, @mariaelizabeth21-blog1, @lexawoah13, @miauumin, @ziiao, @blueluvies, @yushadreamsriki, @all4moi, @idontknowhowtomakeusernames, @angelhyuka, @heesgirlf, @enhamysunshines, @saraabbas, @1luvpeachy, @tessa365, @sievenderz, @hschg69, @gigitastic, @chuuyaobsessed, @fancypeacepersona, @vanillakirstein, @foxinnie8, @shnnzsworld, @nishimurarizzler, @black-startxt, @brbgottablast, @meowanian, @flaminghotyourmom, @heeseungsgf26, @deluluscenarios, @yusalterego, @hwangjoanna,

[niki-phoria]

without your love i'll be / so long and lost, are you missing me?

(gn reader / fluff / 744 words) niki calls you while on tour

it had started raining an hour ago. NISHIMURA RIKI tugs the sleeves of his hoodie over his hands, watching the stormy weather. water droplets ran down the hotel’s large windows, fogging up the glass from the outside. in the distance, thunder roars. lighting cracks and illuminates the cloudy sky, as bright as it is brilliant. 

bangkok was admittedly beautiful. the small, disposable camera you had gifted him mere weeks ago sits on the hotel’s bedside table. it’s sim card is already filled with snapshots of his life: jake sleeping in their dressing room while his makeup is applied; a stray cat that had followed him for a few blocks in osaka; the sun setting over the horizon, framed by the surrounding cityscape. travelling was nothing new to niki, but he had never quite been able to get over the feeling of missing you. 

jungwon had slipped out of the room a few minutes ago, murmuring beneath his breath about heeseung doing a weverse live that he wanted to join. niki had simply nodded, settling into his side of the temporary room. a large tv hung in the middle of the room to separate the two queen beds. a desk was tucked into the corner of the right side. niki had shoved his suitcase into the corner before collapsing onto a nearby chair, watching the storm wage on outside. 

rain patters against the windows loudly. it fills the otherwise quiet room with a sense of tranquility. niki reaches over, grabbing his phone from its place forgotten on the bed. he switches it on and the screen illuminates with a picture of you. niki fails to suppress the way his lips curl upwards into a soft smile. 

sunghoon had taken it when neither of you were paying attention. it was new year’s eve and you had dragged him to a small gathering with your friends to watch the fireworks. the bridge had been closed off for the occasion, cars lining up along the sides as people swarmed the roadway. niki’s arm wrapped around your waist, pulling you against his side. you watched the fireworks while he watched you. the bright colors and celebrations were nothing compared to your bright smile as you pointed towards the sky. “look!” you smiled. “how pretty!”

“yeah,” he had agreed, still yet to look away. “beautiful.”

niki chuckles at the memory, holding his phone up and quickly unlocking it. his fingers fly across the screen until they find your contact. two words are written beneath the small picture of your face: “my love”

niki raises his phone, pressing the speaker against his ear as he listens to the line ring. it barely makes it through one loop before it connects, instead replaced by the sound of your voice. it’s lower and more grainy than usual. it’s only then that he realizes he didn’t check the difference in your timezones. “hey, ki.”

“hey,” he says. niki leans back in his chair, catching another crack of lighting across the sky. it’s set to rain all night, meaning dinner will have to come from room service. he’ll have to remember to ask heeseung where to find the menu’s later. “sorry, did i wake you?” 

“no, no.” there’s a shuffling noise before you speak again. “my alarm just went off, anyways.” he hums. “you just got to the hotel, right? how was your day?” 

niki smiles. he presses the speaker of his phone closer to his ear as if to hear your voice more clearly. if he closes his eyes for too long, he can almost picture you, wrapped in your blankets and begrudgingly leaving the warmth of your bed to start the day. you would pad around your apartment in one of his t-shirts and a pair of shorts, going through the motions of your daily routine. 

“it was good,” he replies. “it’s storming right now, though. you’d love it,” niki chuckles. “it’s been pouring since we got here. perfect weather to watch a movie and make some soup.” 

“oh, i’m jealous,” you whine. you throw yourself back against your covers, head landing on your blankets with a loud thump. the sound comes clearly through his phone speakers, making him laugh softly to himself. “don’t get too cozy without me.” 

“don’t worry,” he says. his fingers ghost against the band of your shared promise rings. he almost wonders if you can feel him thinking of you when he does. “i wouldn’t dream of it.” 

notes: please leave feedback if you enjoyed!! i hope the time jumps aren't too confusing, missed writing for niki, apologies for mistakes i wrote this in like 30 mins, title from florence & the machine - long & lost

[k-llama-llama]

Tori’s Masterlist

Stray Kids AU (Tori)

This is in (mostly) chronological order, so if you’re new here, please read from the start! About Tori

Tori’s Relationship with the Guys

Tori’s Outfits:   Hellevator | Tori’s Outfit   School Life Performance | Tori’s Outfit   Tori’s Concept | I am Not trailer    District 9 Music Video | Tori’s Outfit     Grow Up Music Video | Tori’s Outfit     My Pace Dance Practice | Tori’s Outfit    I Am Who: Concept Photos     My Pace MV     Insomnia Street Version | Tori’s Outfit      Awkward Silence | Tori’s Outfit     KCON Thailand Stage   I am YOU Outfits              MGA Outfit    Mixtape #3 Outfit   Get Cool Outfit  Get Cool Dance Practice Outfit     MAMAs Outfit   JYP Special Stage | Outfit

You’ve Been Recruited

I Got You

Welcome to the Group

Never Leave Again

You Did What?

Is Our Time Up?

The 9th Episode 1   Pt.2

Lotte World Pt.1  Pt.2

And Where Have You Been?]

Five…Four…Three

Not Gonna Happen

It’s Time to Stop

Me Likey

Team?     Part 2

Reactions to Fans Shouting for Tori

Take Care of Yourself      +Twitter Reactions

How Tori Comforts the Members

Reactions When Tori Fall Asleep on Them

Windy Days         +Twitter Reactions

Bleeped

Reactions When Tori is Crying

I Was Bored

How Stray Kids Wakes Tori Up

Get it Down Perfect     Part 2

Stop! It’s Pocky Time!   +Twitter Reactions

Tori and her Boys vs. The Internet Pt.1  Pt.2  Pt.3  Pt.4   Pt.5  Pt.6  PD Reacts

I Believe You

Ready or Not

I’m Blaming the Backpack    +Twitter Reactions

And so it Begins…

You’re A Liar

Reactions When Tori has a Panic Attack

Paper Kisses

Cuddle Time

Sick Days     Pt.2

Total Boss

Pizza Bring Us All Together

Crushes

Times Can be Tough

Something Wicked…

Hobbies

Get It

It’s Raining…It’s Pouring

Our World

Never    +Twitter Reactions

Reactions to Tori’s Time of Month      +The Time Jisung Made Her Cry

Why Don’t You Believe Me?        +Boys’ Perspective

Tengo Hambre

Talk To Me

Spa Day

Noona?         Sequel: Skinny

Tori with the Guys Drabbles:   Seungmin   Woojin   Aussie Line  Changbin   Jisung  +  #2 Criminal Minds?

Stray Kids in New York     Pride    +Twitter Reactions    Random Dance Play

Milestones

Not the Only Problem (Find in the March Section of the Tori p.2 Masterlist)      Pt.2

Talent Show

Family Matters

Heart to Heart

Backstage

Wipeout      Pt.2      Pt.3    Pt.4   Social Media    

Bubble Pop

Anytime

School Days

Oh My!

Cold Hands

True North Bond

For the Fans…

Tori’s Birthday     Scramble      Birthday Girl Pt.1      Birthday Girl Pt.2

I am Who | Comeback Era      Break Time   Stress Gets to You    Ramen Hair    Intro Episode 1     Concept Photos     Scrolling     Chicken Date     Presenting     Edit into the Night     Run     Run Pt.2     Cinnamon     Interviewed     Unveil     My Pace MV      Tori vs The Internet   My Pace Line Distribution    Stay  + Reactions     Ice Cream     Dance Practice Reactions   Tori in Insomnia  Insomnia Reactions      Picnic    Dingo    +Social Media    Mixtape #2  Meow Time

When Tori gets Jealous         +  Jealous bonus fic

Changbin’s Birthday    Jisung’s Birthday    Felix’s Birthday   Chan’s Birthday:Our Leader      Minho’s Birthday | Detour

Big Sister

Hot Chocolate

Shopping Spree

ISAC   Pt.2  +Social Media

Blisters

Bareface

SK-Player #1

Kissed Part 1     Part 2    Social Media   Chan    Hyunjin

Dance Off

Kitchen Dangers

We Love You

Book Club

We Made It

Album Haul

Movie Night

Buttons

Breakfast Plans

Name Bros

Pranked

Fanboy

It’s Raining | Performance Fic

I Am You: Comeback Era    Cookie     Late Nights    Internet: #1  #2    Mama Bear     Back Off    Babysitter     Don’t Do That    Nerves    I am YOU Lines   I am YOU MV reaction     I am YOU Outfits    A Whole New World   Chipmunk    Work Nights     Convince Me    Red Light    Snuggles    MGA Outfit   Rookies   +Social Media     Smoothie Time   Sweater Weather   Yes or Yes    Tell Me     Mixtape #3 Outfit     Get Cool Outfit  Get Cool Dance Practice Outfit   Fight With Me    Don’t Talk to Me      Freeze    Oblivious     Close Your Eyes   Two Kids Room | Tori & Felix     Barbie Girl   Ahoy   Imagine   Ballet Practice    Friend-Date    Cover Dance   AAAs Social Media Reactions    Remember Us?   Proud of You: MAMA 2018

Winter 2018:  Snowy Mornings    D1: Locked Out    D2:  Ice Skates    D3: Snow Angels    D4: Eonnie    D5: Gingerbread Family    D6: Mall Dates   D7: Syrup    D8: Ugly Sweaters    D9: Marshmallows   D10: Dance Dance Revolution    D11: Our Little Christmas   D12: Decorating Squad   D13: Dog Days   D14: The Nutcracker    D15: Scared Straight    Day 16: Not Fair   D17: Santa’s Village    D18: Snapshot   D19: REMOVED   D20: We’re (W)rappers   D21: Home Calls    D22: Sing for Me   D23: Elf   D24: Mandu   D25: Christmas Morning  Rest of December: Reveal   Under Pressure    Handsome Face

REQUEST HERE

[youngheejay]

⋆˚✿˖.ೃ࿔*𝓕𝓸𝓻𝓰𝓮𝓽-𝓶𝓮-𝓷𝓸𝓽 𓇢𓆸

𝐉𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐲 𝐉𝐚𝐞𝐢𝐧 𝐬𝐨 𝐦𝐮𝐜𝐡. 𝐎𝐟 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞, 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐡𝐢𝐦 𝐭𝐨𝐨. 𝐑𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭?

❥・・ ┈┈┈༚༅༚˳ . ୨୧ . ˳༚༅༚┈┈ ・・❥•❥・・ ┈┈┈༚༅༚˳ . ୨୧ . ˳༚༅༚┈┈ ・・❥

“It’s been 15 minutes since you have been watching this exact video.” Jay muttered sleepily, arms crossed and legs spread lazily as he slouched in the seat of the moving van.

Jake ignored his band mate and current car-seat neighbour, pressing the play button on his phone to watch the video again.

“Baby, say: Da-da.” Your high-pitched, lovely voice could be heard through the speaker of his phone—once again.

The video displayed his 7 month old sitting on the kitchen counter. Her toothless, chubby smile widened as she looked with sparkling eyes at her mommy.

“Da-da.” You repeated energetically, trying to get your daughter to mimic you. Of course, you knew she was too young and wouldn’t be able to say it. Nevertheless, you always sent him videos like these in order to involve Jake somehow whenever he was at work, especially during the tour. Jake appreciated it so much, and his love for you only grew bigger.

His smile widened into a grin, oblivious to the fact that his daughter’s expression on the screen was the exact same copy of his. With fond and soft eyes, he watched his daughter bounce excitedly on the counter. Your hand cladded with your shiny wedding-band held the baby with a secure grip on her chubby stomach as Jaein had only recently begun to sit on her own. Jake’s heart thudded bittersweetly at the sight, it reminded him that he had missed out on a milestone of his firstborn.

But your tender coos melted away his sorrow.

“Jaein, say: Dada, I love you and I miss you.”

The baby let out a squeaky, bubbly giggle, bouncing yet again on her bum. She always got so excited when her mommy talked in that cutesy tone. Truthfully, your adoring, lively voice affected him just as much.

“Dada, I’m baking a yummy cake for you! Come quickly, or else I’ll eat it without you.” You squished her round, flushed cheeks repeatedly, acting as if she was saying the words. As a result, Jake’s heart melted for the nth time since he had been watching the video.

The camera came closer to Jaein’s face, her big, round eyes darted to it in confusion. With his thumb and index finger, he zoomed in as he anticipated the highlight of the video. Her rosy, chunky face appeared now bigger in his screen.

His babygirl’s confused face turned into a puckered one. Her tiny nose scrunched slightly, and her doe eyes squinted in the most heart-wrenching manner.

Then her pouty lips opened a tiny bit.

“Achoo!” She sneezed right into the camera and your hand which had been cupping her soft, small chin.

Your surprised laughter echoed through the phone.

“Achoo!” Jaein sneezed again with tight-squeezed eyes. Then she blinked at you. Her eyebrows knitted ever so gently, confusion appeared on her face as she watched you laugh.

Jake bit his lower lip, his grin almost hurt his face.

Jaein began to babble, small arms shooting up in the air. Snot appeared underneath her tiny, button nose, causing you to giggle with a certain softness only a mother could have: “you’re all dirty, baby!”

The video ended with a close-up on his baby’s snotty nose.

Jake groaned, frustration and longing clinging in his heart as he clasped the phone displaying his precious daughter to his chest. “I can’t take it anymore!!!” He cried out.

Jay jolted awake from his slumber. Sunoo, who was sleeping in the backseat, twitched at the sudden outburst. Jungwon turned to him from the passenger seat with an amused, sparkling smile.

The leader tilted his head with a knowing look, “you’re gonna be reunited with her any second now.“

Jake let out a dramatic whimper to express the pain of missing his daughter. He continued to press his phone to his chest. “My baby.” He pouted, feeling genuine heartache about the fact that he didn’t get to spend one and a half month with her.

“Crazy.” Jay glanced at him with heavy, tired eyes, “you used to cry about missing y/n on tour, now you’re crying about missing a tiny version of her.”

Jungwon laughed at that, “no, seriously. I thought he went insane back in the days when he missed y/n. That was nothing compared to him now.”

Jake rolled his eyes, grumbling so lowly the boys didn’t even hear him properly: “Y’all understand one day when you have a family of your own.”

Then he looked at the paused video in his phone again, his lower lip automatically jutted in awe at the sight of his adorable baby girl.

His heart squeezed. He literally couldn’t take it anymore.

With his index finger, he stroke along the contour of her full cheek displayed on the phone, pretending as if she was in front of him.

“Baby…” he whispered, his pout deepened. He squeezed his eyes shut and pressed the phone to his chest again, leaning back against the seat.

With closed eyes and hands clutched to his chest, he imagined that his baby was in his arms. How her tiny body would melt against his body. How her weight felt in his arms. How she would curl her tiny, chubby hand around the collar of his shirt. How she would play with his necklace. How she would nuzzle her tiny face in his chest, drooling everywhere. How her tiny legs would kick against him when she got too excited. How she would sigh against his neck whenever she fell asleep on him. Which was basically everyday. Everyday until he left for tour.

He remembered how safe she would feel in his arms. How she would coo and babble whenever he held her in his arms. He remembered how tiny she used to be. How she would fit in only one of his hand at first.

The instinct and need to protect her overcame him instantly. Of course it had started to develop during your pregnancy, but when he held her in his arms for the first time? Oh boy, was he gone.

He just wanted to get home quickly and protect his baby from any danger, no matter how small it was.

The overwhelming sensation to protect his wife and baby left him even sleepless some nights during the tour. What if something happened to the both of you? What if it was too much for you to handle alone? He had made sure to send his mother regularly to check up on you—regardless of the fact that she went on her own as you both had a relationship like a real mother and daughter—but he just wanted to be sure that you were alright.

He wanted to be there for you. Make sure you were okey.

Then his daydreaming drifted to his beautiful wife, how you would lean on to his side, rest your head on his shoulder. How you would get shy whenever he whispered expressions of affection into your ear. How he would kiss your forehead. He wanted to kiss it so badly. And certainly many other parts of your body. He missed you so much.

He couldn’t wait to give both of his girls endless cuddles and smooches.

He sighed audibly.

“We’re there in 20 minutes, Jake.” His manger informed him who was driving the four boys to their respective homes—the other three were in a separate vehicle.

Of course Jake’s apartment was the first destination, as he wanted to be the first one to be dropped off.

Jake’s eyes fluttered open, heart pounding in excitement.

He was about to send you a message to inform you, when suddenly his phone vibrated. A message from ‘my beautiful wife ❤️’ popped in his lock screen.

[4:56 pm] She’s so messy 😆

When he clicked to open the notification, s picture came in. A picture of Jaein sitting on the same spot on the counter as in the video, but this time her whole body was covered in flour. Her little sprout ponytail had turned white, just like her face and clothes. In her lap lay a ripped flour package—he was sure that she had stolen it from you when you weren’t looking for a second. It looked like she was about to cry as her eyebrows were furrowed and lips puckered in an annoyed frown. He chuckled fondly at the sight.

He was about to type a response when another message was sent to him.

[4:57 pm] No worries, dada. I made sure to clean myself up before you come home. So excited to have you back soon!

Attached was a picture of Jaein playing in the bathtub with a rubber ducky in the soapy water.

Then you sent another message.

[4:57 pm] I bathed and now I’m eating. Preparations to welcome my daddy back home are going great 💪

His phone vibrated again. This time two pictures. One where you were breastfeeding Jaein. Her eyes were closed, tiny mouth latched onto you and her soft-dimpled hand clutched onto your bunched up shirt. His head tilted to side at the adorable sight. With a soft smile, he gazed at the picture.

Though, the second picture made his smile falter a little. In the picture, Jaein was sitting in her baby-chair in front of a bowl containing some kind of porridge. He couldn’t believe that his babygirl was already eating solid food. Of course he knew about it, but it didn’t make it any easier.

It left a pit in his stomach. After all, he had left her at 5 months old. Consequently, he had missed out her whole 6th month and now recently she had turned 7 months. During that time, he had missed out on her learning to sit and eating solid food. Two milestones.

But he tried to push these feelings aside. He will be reunited with her soon and everything will be like it used to be.

{Jakey}: I can’t wait to be with you ❤️

You heard the familiar beeping of your digital door lock. “Appa is here!” You squealed in a high-pitched, excited tone, standing up from the ground where you had been playing with Jaein. When you picked her up, she kicked her feet excitedly. You hurriedly went to the door with her on your hip. Jaein matched your excitement with bubbly squeals.

“My girls!!!” There he stood with open wide arms.

“Jake!” You ran right into his arms, one arm wrapping around his torso as you nuzzled your face in his neck. He instantly wrapped his arms around you both tightly.

“I missed you so much.” He kissed the side of your head as he pulled you closer. For a few moments, you just stood there, unable to form any words. You were just soaking in the warmth and the scent of your husband. But you two were interrupted when a certain someone, who was squished between you guys, started to wiggle and whine. You giggled at the cute interruption and pulled away from his embrace.

Jake’s veiny hands cupped your cheeks, as he leaned in to kiss your lips, “missed my beautiful wife.” He murmured, pecking them multiple times.

“I missed you too.” You gave him a soft smile, eyes sparkling.

Then his attention went to your rather confused looking baby, her eyebrows scrunched slightly. Jake’s heart melted, “I missed this baby so much.” He cupped her cheeks like he did with yours and attacked her soft, round face with several kisses. Her eyes squinted as she leaned away, lips parted in confusion.

“She missed you too.” You said as you looked at her with a soft smile, “right, baby?”.

“Come here, my little princess.” He wrapped his hands under her arms to scoop her out of your embrace, “daddy missed you so much.” He murmured with a lovesick smile.

But then it happened.

With a horrified, scrunched face, she leaned back, whining and clinging onto you. Jake’s eyes widened in surprise, his smile fading.

You let out an astonished laugh and tried to give her to Jake again. This time, she let out an even louder whine, turning to you as she buried her face into your neck—just like you did with Jake.

You chuckled at her reaction, not noticing the hurt glistening in Jake’s eyes, “he’s daddy, baby. Look appa is here.”

Jake spoke softly: “Appa is back, baby.” He wrapped his hands around her again and just scooped her out of your arms.

However, Jaein started to cry almost immediately in his hold.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” Jake’s lower lip puckered into a pout. “It’s me. Jake. Your daddy.”

Her cries got louder as she turned to you stretching her tiny arms out. You patted her back, “it’s okey, baby, he’s appa. Not a stranger.”

Jake felt as if someone had punched him right into his gut. His throat tightened as he rocked in her slightly in his hold, “don’t you remember me, baby?” With the back of his hand, he caressed her wet, chubby cheeks, wiping her tears away. “Hm?”

Her cries got louder, almost screeching. Your heart clenched painfully at the sound. “Baby…” you stepped towards them. Her body stretched out more towards you, almost falling out her daddy’s hold. Through a soft sigh, you scooped her out of his embrace. “Shh,” you patted her back as she nuzzled her face in your neck, “it’s okey, it’s okey. I’m here. Mama’s here, hm?” You pressed a kiss on her head as her tiny body continued to shake through hiccups.

You rocked her rhythmically, biting your lip as you noticed Jake’s glassy and shaky eyes watching her. “She probably just needs a minute, honey.” You reached one hand out to squeeze his hand.

“Why don’t you freshen up first. You must be tired, hm?” You offered as you remembered that he still had his shoes and outerwear on. It’s only then you noticed that his eyes were heavy with exhaustion.

He opened his mouth to protest, watching his baby-daughter nestling against you. But without any further words, he nodded and took off his shoes to make his way upstairs—all along with hunched shoulders and a downhearted face.

When Jake came back from his shower, you were setting the table for dinner. Jaein was latched onto you the whole time, not once did she allow you to put her down.

“Why are you being so clingy, baby?” You talked to her in your sweet voice. Jake leaned against the doorframe of the kitchen as he watched you prepare the dish and handle your clingy baby all at once.

Jaein cooed at you as if you were having a proper conversation. “You know, Jaein? Mama’s mad at you. Why did you do that to appa? He was so happy to see you again. You hurt him, baby.”

Jake’s throat tightened. He didn’t realise how much the situation had hurt him. Jaein responded with a coo, as she sucked at her fingers.

You still hadn’t noticed Jake. “You have to apologise to him, okey, baby?” Jaein quaked and patted your cheek with her saliva traced hand. You kissed her head in response, “I know, you’re the best girl. You always listen so well to mommy.”

Just as you were about to turn around, two strong, familiar arms wrapped around your waist from behind.

Jake’s face buried into your hair as he murmured softly into it: “I missed you so much.” His voice sounded drowsy, but his words held a bigger meaning than usual. Your heart melted. “I missed you, too.“

Jaein, however, stared at the big man with round eyes. Perched up on your hip, she glanced at him over your shoulder.

You turned to face your husband, “sit down, I’ll bring you dinner.” He pressed a kiss on your lips, murmuring a tired “thanks.”

As Jake sat at the table, Jaein followed every single move of his with scepticism. Her soft eyebrows were furrowed, lips in a frown, thumb in her pouty mouth.

“So, how was the tour?” You began as you brought Jake the food, sitting on the opposite side. Jaein was nestled on your lap, staring quietly at Jake.

Jake shrugged his shoulders, “it was alright…” he muttered in a low tone. His eyes wandered to Jaein. His heart tugged. The pain of seeing his daughter but not being able to hold her spread like wildfire.

Jake was never good at hiding his feelings. The gloom was evident all over his face. So, when you saw that his longing eyes were glued on Jaein, you stood up from your spot.

“Go to daddy,” you murmured softly as you handed her over to him. With hopeful eyes, he turned to you, ready to take her.

To no avail. As soon as you pried her clinging hands off of your shirt, her face scrunched. Just as Jake’s large hands reached out for her—almost taking hold of her—her wails echoed through the room.

Jake’s face turned into a small pout, shoulders slumping as his empty hands awkwardly hovered in the air.

“I think, she’s just tired.” You tried to reason as you bounced her in your arms. “Maybe I should put her to sleep.” Jake gave you a single nod, turning to his plate as he dug into the food without any words. You bit your lip, worry taking over at the sight of your husband’s depressed demeanour.

Meanwhile, Jaein leaned towards you again, hiding into you and calming down in your embrace. “I’ll bring her to bed.” You concluded, observing her fluttering eyes.

Jake murmured softly, yet strained: “okey”.

“Is she asleep?” Jake whispered as he peeked through the door of the nursery. He could only see your silhouette sitting in the rocking chair of the dark room, the moonlight peeked through the curtains. “No,” you whispered back, “you can turn on the lamp.”

Jake flipped on the small lamp, which filled a part of the room with soft, orange light.

Now he could see how you were nursing your little baby. Jaein had her eyes wide open as you suckled her. The rhythmic, soft popping sound and occasional gulping filled the air. “She’s so alert,” you observed, voice hushed and mellow, “didn’t even close her eyes once.”

Jake came to your side, watching over his daughter who stared at him with big curious eyes as she continued to suck. “She’s been staring at the door the whole time. And whenever she heard a noise from you, she unlatched and waited to hear more.” You chuckled lowly, “right, baby?” You caressed her round cheek as she was diligently gulping down her meal, “are you excited that dada’s back?”

Jake’s heart tightened fondly.

When Jaein finished, you settled her to burp her.

“Can I…?” Jake whispered hesitantly. “Of course, Jakey. You don’t have to ask.” You stood up from the chair and transferred her cautiously to him.

As soon as you pried her off yourself though, she let out a tiny whimper. Nonetheless, you gave Jaein to her daddy. “Go to appa, baby.” You murmured.

At first, Jaein blinked at Jake as he held her. She glanced at him with confused, tired eyes. Soft eyebrows knitted, as she assessed the man holding her.

“It’s okey, Jaein. I’m back, hm? Your appa’s back.” He softly rocked her in his arms as he held her close against his upper body, one hand pressing her head against his shoulder to nuzzle her soft, plump face into his neck. Just like he used to do prior to the tour.

Her tiny, chubby body was pressed against his chest, and his arms were wrapped around her so carefully as if he was afraid to scare her away.

But Jaein wasn’t thinking the same as her daddy.

“Nngh!” She wiggled in discomfort, causing Jake to let go of her head.

She looked at him. Then at you. Then back to him. Suddenly, her tiny lower lip jutted. Her pouty lips wobbled as her eyes filled with tears.

She looked back at you with a scrunched frown. Her small arms stretched out for you, following the sound of her cries.

Jake bit his lower lip. He looked like he was about to cry himself.

“Baby…he is just your dada…did you already forget about him?” You sighed in pity.

Jake’s heart broke into million pieces. He repeatedly blinked his misty eyes. Her cries always made him incredibly sad. But his daughter crying because she didn’t recognise her own father and didn’t want to be held by him? Gosh, this was a different type of pain. A lump formed painfully in his throat.

“It’s okey, take her…” Jake whispered, afraid he might break out in tears if he spoke any louder.

“It’s okey. I’m here, baby. Mommy’s here.” You cooed as you took her back.

Later that night, after you had finally put down your daughter to sleep and were cuddled up with your husband in bed, your velvety voice filled the room: “You didn’t tell me anything about the tour.”

Jake’s arms tightened around your waist, pulling you closer to his body. His face nestled further into your neck. “Don’t wanna talk about it…” his muffled voice vibrated against your skin.

“Baby…” you sighed as you rubbed his back, “what’s wrong? Talk to me, please.”

A beat of silence followed.

“My own daughter hates me.”

Your motions on his back halted.

“She hates me.” He repeated.

“She doesn’t hate-“

“Yes, she does.” He interrupted, hurt evident in his voice. “She hates me because I left her. She’s angry at me. I know that.”

Your hand caressed his head, “she doesn’t hate you. She just f-“ you paused.

“She just what? Forgot about me?” He lifted his head up. Only then did you see the tears forming in his eyes. It broke your heart into million pieces.

“That’s what you also said to her. ‘Did you already forget about daddy’. Is this what you have been teaching her?” His tone suddenly shifted to an irritated one.

“What?” You were confused by his sudden switch up.

He sat up, distancing himself from you as he spiralled in nonsense. “Did you even show her any videos or pictures of me while I was gone? You knew that I didn’t have time to videocall her. Did you at least make sure that she heard my voice and saw my face regularly? Did you show her any videos of me? Or just even pictures? Because it sure as hell doesn’t look like it!” He gestured animatedly, the sting hitting deeply in his heart.

You sighed, sitting up yourself, “Jake.” You cupped his cheeks, forcing him to look at you. Your stern look made him shut up.

“I showed her every single day videos of you. Every video and picture with you and her. I showed her everything that’s been released during the tour. I played the voice messages with the lullabies you had sent every single night. You know that, baby.”

Jake’s shoulder slumped in defeat, “I’m sorry... I’m just so confused. I was waiting and waiting to hold her in my arms again. Never in a million years did I think of her reacting like that.” He wiped his eyes with his sleeve, sniffling.

“And I’m feeling so guilty for leaving her. It hurts so much. She’s still so small, and it probably wasn’t also easy for you to handle everything on your own. And she’s grown up so much in one and a half month. I missed out on everything.”

“You didn’t miss out on anything-“

“Yes, I did. She can sit now.” He looked you with doey eyes. Your heart tugged at the sight.

“And she started to eat solid food now.” His hand went through his messy, long hair. “I missed out on so much.”

“Jake, baby. It’s okey, it’s not like you left her on purpose. You needed to leave. Don’t feel guilty over stuff you can’t control. And now you’re back anyways. Trust me, tomorrow, she will be yours just like she used to be. Just give her some time to understand the situation. She’s probably just as confused about her feelings as you are. And the fact that you’re hurting so much because of this shows how much you love her.“ Your hands never left his cheeks.

Jake pouted, “I just wanna hold her like I used to.”

You stroke his cheek, “and you will. Very soon.”

“I’m sorry.” Jake sighed.

“It’s okey.”

Just as he was about to give you an apologetic kiss, faint cries could be heard from the nursery. Instant worry took over Jake, his protectiveness dominated all of his previous emotions.

Without any further thoughts, he untangled himself from you and the covers. Autopilot was on to get to his crying daughter quickly—just like he used to do. But then he halted in his tracks, hesitant, “maybe you should get her.”

You shook your head fondly, “you’ve got this, darling.”

With nervous determination, he entered the nursery, cooing instantly at the sight of his wailing babygirl.

“It’s okey, it’s okey. Daddy is here, hm? I’m here.” His soothing voice filled the room as he scooped Jaein out of her cot. “Shh, it’s okey, daddy’s here.” He rocked her gently in his arms, cooing and rubbing her.

“Let’s get you some milky, yeah?”

Still rocking his crying baby in his arms, he prepared her bottle and settled her in a lying position in his arm. Her cries soothed down steadily as she latched onto the bottle.

Occasionally, whimpers left her mouth to which Jake immediately responded with reassuring, gentle tones.

“Daddy’s here. I’m not leaving you again, okey?” He kissed her soft forehead as he watched her with fond eyes. The sound of her gulping echoed through the living room as he had settled on the couch. He watched how her tiny mouth moved along the suckling and her eyelids fluttering in an irregular rhythm.

“You’ve grown up so much over the last month. My little girl is getting bigger and bigger.” His arm nestled her protectively against his body. She grunted in response.

“Yeah?” He chuckled, heart melting, “you’ve already forgot about your daddy, hm? I’m sorry, baby. I’m sorry for leaving you…” he kissed her forehead once again, eyes filling with tears.

“Please forgive your daddy?” He whispered quietly, almost inaudible.

Jaein unlatched on her bottle, whining softly as sleep took over her tiny body.

“Good girl,” Jake cooed softly as he shifted her to burp her. Her tiny head rested against his collarbone, his big hand patted rhythmically on her small back.

And when he lulled Jaein to sleep, he couldn’t get himself to stand up and settle her in her cot. So he just continued to pat her back, watching her sleep on his chest with fond eyes.

He lingered gentle kisses on her closed eyelids, followed by a faint kiss on her tiny, button nose.

“I love you so much, my baby. And I missed you terribly. I promise next time I will take you with me, yeah?” He whispered softly in her ear, pressing a kiss on that spot.

And when Jaein’s tiny, chubby hand wrapped around his shirt in her sleep, it gave Jake the assurance that everything was going to be alright.

Small thumping kicks against your back woke you up from your sleep. With hazy eyes, you turned around to see what was going on behind your back. You were met with the cutest sight ever:

Jake was sleeping soundly, his light snores resonated in the room. His arm was spread guardedly on top of a tiny, certain baby who was awake and kicking her legs, panting and cooing as if she was talking.

But the way she was clutching onto her daddy’s arm melted your heart. Tiny hands were curled around his bicep which laid on her body—as if she didn’t want to let go of him.

You chuckled fondly, voice laced with sleep: “good morning, baby.” Your hand glided over her pudgy cheeks, “did daddy sneak you in here?”

Jaein kicked her legs, bubbling in her language but never letting go of her daddy’s arm.

“Yeah? How did you sleep?” You talked to her in a whisper as you continued to brush over her cherubic face.

She gurgled happily, her kicks intensifying, which led you to wonder how long it would take to wake Jake up.

“Let’s not wake up daddy, alright? He’s exhausted from the tour.” You mumbled more to yourself as you sat up in order to untangle Jaein from her daddy’s arm.

However, as soon as you tried to pry of your husband’s arm off Jaein, she threatened to whine.

“Eh!” Her face scrunched up as her grip on his bicep tightened. Your eyes widened in amused surprise, “you don’t wanna let go, huh? Already obsessed with your appa?”

Her lips wobbled, and her round eyes filled with tears, showing you that you crossed a line by trying to separate her with her daddy.

You quickly reached over Jake to the nightstand where her pacifier laid. “Shh… no crying, you will wake up daddy.” You hushed her as you tucked the pacifier between her pouty, small lips.

As if she understood that you were talking about her daddy, she leaned onto his arm. Rosy, plump cheek rested on his bicep, as she wrapped her own small arms around it. With her doe, round eyes she looked at you, while she sucked at the pacifier speedily.

Your face crumpled in awe.

“Family cuddle?” You tilted your head at your baby.

She blinked at you—and you took it as a yes.

So, you curled up beside Jaein and rested your head on Jake’s other arm, which was spread above Jaein across the pillow. Now, your baby was caged carefully between her parents.

And when Jake woke up to the sight of you both sleeping safely in his arms, his heart tightened affectionately.

He pressed a kiss on your forehead, followed by a kiss Jaein’s squishy cheek.

In that moment, he knew he was taking you both with him on tour next time. Guaranteed.

❥・・ ┈┈┈༚༅༚˳ . ୨୧ . ˳༚༅༚┈┈ ・・❥•❥・・ ┈┈┈༚༅༚˳ . ୨୧ . ˳༚༅༚┈┈ ・・❥

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[slytherinshua]

　　❛ NOT YOUR BLOOD ❜　𓋰　古賀祐大

❪ 雪明かり ❫　　vampire au established relationship　vampire!k x human!reader　750　cw ノ blood and knives mentioned, biting/bite marks, yudai tastes some blood lol (not reader's), mentions of killing someone, yudai is a bit possessive but it's hawt, not proofread 〃 @lexeees　⸝⸝⸝　okay yami is entirely at fault here planted this idea in my brain i could never recover from it so here i am past midnight writing this...　/　𝐂𝐀𝐓𝐀𝐋𝐎𝐆𝐔𝐄

Yudai's thumb runs across your cheek, wiping the scatter of blood that sits there. He leans closer, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. You've told him almost ten times to not worry, that it was just a small scratch, but he has a feeling you're not telling the full truth. There's one way to prove it. He studies the red stain on his thumb for a few seconds, first sniffing it before finally bringing it up to his mouth to taste.

He almost gags.

"I knew you were lying," he mutters, coughing out the taste of it. The rusty tang that clings to his tongue tastes foul, the blood no doubt several days old and rotting. It isn't fresh, and more importantly, it isn't yours.

"Who did you kill?" He poses the question seriously without a hint of surprise. You gasp.

"'Who did I kill?' Kei, I didn't touch anyone."

He frowns, not satisfied with that answer. "Did you stab them?"

You sigh, looking away. Yudai has his answer.

"Stab? Really? With a knife?"

"What else would I stab someone with?"

He laughs, "Well, lots of things. A fork, a pen, a fire poker…"

"It was a knife. A kitchen knife," you confess, not brave enough to look him in the eye.

Years ago you made a promise that you would summon him if you were ever in danger. Tonight you had broken that promise, albeit by mistake. But it doesn't ease your guilt. You know how Yudai gets—protective, worried, possessive. You just hope he doesn't find out about the other—

"Is that a bite mark?" He pulls the collar of your shirt down, exposing the bruise that's starting to form underneath your collarbone. A failed attempt at getting to your neck. He breaths, calming the fury that starts to bubble inside at the sight.

"Why didn't you call me?"

This time he sounds defeated, torn halfway between betrayed and heartbroken, like it's his fault that you were ever in danger. He didn't do enough to make sure you were safe.

"I forgot. There wasn't much time when he was lunging at me, and the knife was right there," you trail off, the story sounding more pathetic the more details Yudai pulls out of you. "I can protect myself. You don't have to worry about me all the time. I handled the situation."

His finger traces the outline of the bite. It's faint. If he wasn't already familiar with bites of every shape and size, he would probably miss it. The mark itself is enough to prove your words wrong. In Yudai's eyes its as clear as day. You're sitting in front of him unscathed, but one wrong move and you could have died. He won't take that chance again.

"I worry about you because I couldn't bear to lose you—especially to my own kind," Yudai mutters bitterly, hand now resting on your neck, thumbing over your pulse point gently. A reminder that you are still alive and breathing.

"It didn't even puncture, see? He didn't even get a taste," you reassure, grabbing Yudai's hand with your own, bringing it up to your cheek. "I'm fine. I promise."

He sighs again. He won't fight you on this. Not now at least. He'll bring it up later when you've slept and he's dealt with whatever lowlife vampire dared to make an attempt on you. For now, he nods, letting the situation go and watching your face relax.

He takes a moment to trace your features with his eyes. Your piercing eyes, the round of your cheeks, the dip of your cupid's bow. Your beauty has him breathless every time. He can't resist leaning in and capturing the taste of your lips one more time. Sweet, familiar, like home. You pull him closer like a habit, because he always seems too far away. He maps out your mouth as if he hasn't already memorized every curve and passage. Your tongue draws across one of his fangs—one that you've let taste the joint in your neck too many times to count.

Yudai's nature once bewildered you. You were fascinated by him all those years ago, eager to uncover his secrets. You know them all now. What your mouth once explored with curiosity is now replaced with familiarity. You know Yudai better than you know yourself. He's loved you for years, given you his entire world, and you know he'll be by your side until your dying breath. A vampire's love is eternal.

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[asahicore]

hometown, part one - pjs (m)

pairing. jay x fem!reader

synopsis. Tired of his life in the big city, Jay moves to a small town by the Korean seaside and renovates an old bookstore to turn into a café. Fate would have it that you work at the restaurant right across the street from him—quickly, memories from your time at culinary school together float back up to the surface, accompanied by old feelings.

genre+warnings. exes to lovers, small town au, slightly aged up characters, dual timeline, maximal angst in this one i'm sorry guys... but a lot of fluff too dw, smut (MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!), deceased parent, sick grandparent

word count. 28,773

a/n. here we fucking finally are lmaoo if you were wondering why i haven't posted in 10 months, this is why !!!!!!! this is a very very long time in the making, i def had my ups and downs writing this, so i hope it will be worth it and you guys will enjoy lol pls pls pls let me know what u think, it would mean even more than usual !!!!!! and as always massive thanks to @zreamy for freaking out over hometown jay with me and for betareading this behemoth... ur such a ride or wtv it is british people say!

part two

small playlist here !

“De ceux qu’on aime, de ceux qu’on a aimés, il reste toujours quelque chose. Une sensation sur la peau, un petit rien qui palpite. L’amour est un oiseau, aussi fragile que capable de s’élever jusqu’aux astres. De ceux qu’on aime, de ceux qu’on a aimés, demeure toujours une lumière, pareille au soleil qui persiste sous les paupières quand on ferme les yeux.” 

“Of those we love, of those we have loved, something always remains. A sensation on the skin, a barely-there fluttering. Love is a bird, as fragile as it is capable of reaching the stars. Of those we love, of those we have loved, remains always a light, akin to the sun that perseveres under the lids when you close your eyes.”

Laurine Roux, Le souffle du puma [rough translation]

.

.

Watching the scenery flash by as he drives down the highway, Jay wonders if it’s normal to feel so little sadness about leaving one’s hometown behind. Oh well. It isn’t like there’s anything left for him in Seoul.

He’s still surprised his father insisted on helping him pack. He didn’t bother when Jay, 20 years old back then, moved all the way to France, but then again, his mother had been around to do it. Still, this is a four-hour drive down the country, and Jay has already hired a mover to bring down his bigger pieces of furniture, so the silent, tense afternoon they spent in each other’s company packing up Jay’s clothes, books, and all sorts of stuff really could’ve been avoided. 

He supposes he should be grateful for the attention, but after twenty-five years of not receiving any and resigning himself to that fact, it’s hard to suddenly backtrack and welcome it with open arms. Not even his mother’s death managed to change things—why would they change now? 

After the last of his things found a place in the overflowing trunk of Jay’s BMW, he and his father stand next to the car, avoiding each other’s eyes and saying nothing. Jay doesn’t even know what he’s waiting for. Some words of encouragement? A sign of affection, no matter how meager? 

“Guess you should go now. I don’t think this is an actual parking spot,” his father offers instead after thirty excruciating seconds, gesturing to the general area in front of Jay’s apartment.

“Right. Well, thanks for helping.”

His father nods rapidly. Jay has never seen him do that. “Of course.” He crosses the distance separating them in a few steps, and places a heavy hand on his son’s shoulder. “Take care, Jay.”

Tears prick at the back of Jay’s eyes, but he is used to not letting it show. “I will. You too, dad.”

His father looks at him then, and again in his eyes there is a glint of something unfamiliar to Jay. He can’t figure out what it means, or maybe he doesn’t want to. “Alright. See you around,” he says, like his son is an acquaintance he might or might not meet again.

Jay’s feet stay planted on the pavement as he watches his dad walk back to his own car a few meters down and drive away, thinking, Isn’t he the one who should be watching me go away?

He’s on his way now, and it might just be due to the speed of his car, but his heart feels light. He left Seoul for the first time five years ago, and he is leaving again today. The city he loved so dearly his entire childhood and adolescence is now full of reminders of things he’d rather leave behind. Despite its impressive size, he feels as though something is out to get him at every street corner. Here is the tteokbokki and sundae restaurant at which he always used to eat with the middle school friends he hasn’t contacted in years; here is the bus stop at which he’d wait after every hospital visit to his mother; here is the fountain at which the two of you agreed to meet for your first date.

It’s a very spontaneous, borderline irrational decision that Jay’s made, but he can’t handle living in Seoul anymore. Not just the constant whiplash from memories he’s been experiencing lately, but everything that comes with city-living has been getting on his nerves. The relentless honking, the crowded streets and public transport at every hour of the day, the god-awful odors wafting from the sewers, the list could go on and on. He used to be indifferent to it all; now he wants nothing more to escape it.

This will be his second time ever in Sojuk-ri. The first time was just over six months ago, when his mother asked him to take her there. They’d driven there and back in the same day because her cancer had already reached a stage that meant she couldn’t leave the hospital for too long. The doctors had only agreed to let go because having reached that stage also meant that it wouldn't make such a difference.

He doesn’t have much of a plan. The idea of owning his own café has been in the works for a few years now, ever since he moved to Paris, really, but it wasn’t meant to happen so soon, and it certainly wasn’t meant to happen in a town he barely knew. There might not even be a proper unit for a café in Sojuk-ri, and he’ll have to look around other villages. He’s already got five visits lined up with a real estate agent tomorrow morning. But maybe that’s why it feels so right—he can’t stress over the details if he hasn’t thought about them extensively. 

The few friends he has left in Seoul tried to reason with him. You don’t know anyone there, you don’t know if they’re the kind of people who’d visit a café. Everything you want to do, you can do here, and it’ll be easier and more stable. But he feels like he can’t breathe in the city. Maybe he’s running away. And so what if he is? Cliché as it may sound, he likes to think he’s running towards his future rather than away from his past. Clichés exist for a reason. Jay finds comfort in them sometimes, like so many people have had this experience before him, and he isn’t alone. Or worse, weird.

The brightness of the clouds is blinding through the windshield. Jay has a good feeling about this.

.

.

“Two tofu bibimbaps and one kimchi stew!”

“Got it,” you say, taking the handwritten kitchen order ticket from Yeonju’s hands and clipping it above the stove. She usually walks right back into the front of house, but you feel her lingering at the doorway, her gaze heavy on the back of your head. “What?” You’re usually one to mind your manners, but manning a kitchen alone during rush hour is reason enough to let politeness slip slightly.

“They’re not happy about the all-vegetarian menu.”

“Who’s they?”

“Everyone, Y/N! I’ve been asked four times why there’s no pork in the kimchi stew.”

It’s a good thing you’re not facing her—if your sister-in-law-slash-waitress saw the smile on your lips, the knife resting on the counter might be used to cut something other than carrots.

“That’s what they get for getting so drunk and breaking a chair last week.”

“That was just that one group of old men. I already told off Mr. Kim and Mr. Choi when they came in yesterday. You’re punishing our entire clientele for five stupid drunkards.”

You stir the soup base, pretending to ponder her words. “Let them think of it as a group project. If one party does poorly, everyone’s grade goes down.”

She groans. “Is that how I’m supposed to explain it to our customers? This isn’t Seoul. The people here need their meat. Actually, I’m not even sure this would fly in Seoul.”

“Sounds like their problem,” you say, shrugging. Yeonju groans again but finally walks back out.

From her seat on an overturned crate at the other side of the kitchen, cooling herself down with a paper fan, your grandmother chuckles and you exchange smiles. “You tell ‘em, honey. Back in the day, I’d ban them for a month if they got too rowdy. This is more fun.”

You sigh. “I’m just tired of this happening. No matter how often we tell them this isn’t a drinking place, there’ll be people going overboard once every few weeks. The bar is just a few doors down, I don’t know why it’s so hard to go there after eating.”

“Mmh.” You glance at your grandmother. Her eyes are closed, and that unsettling serenity has made its way back to her features. You’ve lost her, it seems. But that doesn’t keep you from rambling away.

“I guess we could stop selling soju altogether, but that would make us lose a pretty significant part of our revenue. And after work, Yeonju and I would have to actually go to the convenience store to buy it instead of grabbing it from the fridge here, so that’s out of the question. Have you ever seen Mrs. Kang’s face when you buy alcohol from her? She looks at you like a criminal as if she isn’t the one selling it. She’d be an awful drug dealer. Anyways, I’m glad there isn’t anyone here handing out drugs. Not that I know of, at least.”

Your grandmother’s smile stretches ever-so-slightly, so you take it she might be listening after all.

“I also thought we could close a little earlier. No one comes in at nine thirty to eat. Rush happens at what, six, seven p.m.? If we closed around nine rather than ten, Yeonju and I would have more free time and it wouldn’t make a big difference financially. How does that sound, Grandma?”

Yeonju walks in at that time, empty dishes stacked on her arms. “That’s a good idea, actually,” she says. “Your brother has been saying he wishes I was around more.” For some reason, she thinks it’s funny to punctuate her words with a suggestive wiggle of her eyebrows.

“Gross. Can you not refer to him as my brother when you’re talking about your sex life, please?”

“We’ve been married two years. You’ll have to get used to it at some point.”

“I won’t be used to it even when you’re celebrating your twentieth anniversary.”

“I’m glad you have that much faith in us,” she says, grabbing side dishes from the fridge and walking back out into the front of house. You wait for her to be gone to chuckle so she can’t hear that her joke made you laugh.

Today’s lunch rush ends earlier than usual, probably due to a smaller amount of customers. Fine, you’ll put meat back on the menu. Starting tomorrow. They can suffer a little longer.

After cleaning the kitchen and taking count of your stock, you close up store. The three of you walk the short way back to your family’s house, your grandmother in the middle, you and Yeonju flanked on her sides, each holding one of her arms. Your legs ache, and you’re immensely grateful for the few hours of rest ahead of you.

Once in a while, it happens that when you reach your bedroom, you feel inexplicably pulled to your bookshelf. There, you take out a familiar novel, and let it open naturally onto the page bookmarked by a picture, its edges frayed and worn with time. You don’t know how long you stand there, staring at the two happy faces immortalized by one of your friends’ phone camera, a sad smile on your lips. With your thumb, you trace the outline of the man standing by your side, a beer in his hand, his other arm around your waist, rosy cheeks visible even in the dimness of the room.

In the silence of your own room, you whisper, “How are you now?”

.

.

It happens in the blink of an eye.

Chef Lee, today’s mentor, has already started her presentation. No time to lose here—no ice-breakers or long welcome speech or going around the classroom introducing themselves one by one. Lee gave two introductory sentences and went straight into the first lesson of the year, a basic overview of the different cuts they’ll have to master for every dish. Everyone is giving their undivided attention. If it wasn’t for Chef Lee's monotonous drawl, a pin could be heard in the large, white room. That is, until the door suddenly opens and you barge in, out-of-breath like you were just running, eyes wide, not unlike those of a deer caught in headlights, Jay thinks. 

You’re unbelievably pretty.

But you’re also late, and judging by the look on Chef Lee’s face, that is a barely tolerable offense.

“And who are you?” she says. 

“I’m Y/L/N Y/N, Chef. I’m so sorry for being late, I got lost in the subway.”

A few snickers are heard around the room, undoubtedly a reaction to your countryside dialect—based on the conversations he had with his new classmates before Chef Lee arrived, Jay gathered that most people here were from Seoul. Thankfully, their teacher seems to feel the same way about mockery as tardiness, and gives the culprits a harsh glare.

“Please familiarise yourself with Seoul’s public transport as soon as you can, Miss Y/L/N,” Lee says, clearly already bored with this interaction. “You might find that it will come in handy.”

“Yes, Chef,” you say in a quiet voice and head to the nearest — and only — available station. Jay isn’t aware he is still staring at you until your eyes meet. From across the room, you smile at him, and it sends his heart into a frenzy.

Until this exact moment, he was readying himself to spend a year in a cutthroat, competitive environment. And he still is—but he thinks he’s found something that’ll keep him going.

.

.

Jay looks around the bleak room. It clearly hasn’t welcomed a human being in a while now. Yellowing paperbacks fill dusty bookshelves, the ones that have fallen to the floor open at random pages. He’s been told that since the sudden passing of the previous owner, no one has come to clean the place up—he’d been a widow for years already, and his two children lived abroad. Ignoring the real estate agent’s worried glances, Jay picks one up and brushes the dust off. He’s hoping for serendipitous words, confirmation that he’s doing the right thing, some good omen—anything will do. 

The book is in Russian. Jay does not know Russian. He’s not sure what kind of sign this is supposed to be, and so puts the book back down and resumes his tour of the room.

“I know it’s not in great shape right now,” the agent says as Jay inspects the tubes of unknown function that run up one of the walls between two old bookshelves. This place seems to be all bookshelves. “But I promise it’s all just clutter. One good sweep, and it’ll look good as new,” he adds with an unconvincing chuckle.

Jay walks to the one window that isn’t hidden behind a piece of furniture. The room is dark now, but with some rearranging, it could become very lively. Warm, golden sunlight filters through the white-paneled window, making visible the dust that floats in the air. He’d appreciate its beauty more if it wasn’t making the agent sneeze so much. 

At the back of this main room, an archway leads to a kitchen. Some tiles on the floor and on the walls are broken, and the oven looks like something Jay’s great-grandmother would’ve owned. There’s an awkward empty spot where the fridge should be, mold staining the ceiling, no corner that hasn’t been claimed by spiders and cobwebs. Jay wonders whether this room even has access to running water and electricity. Its only real attribute is its size, spacious enough to hold a few more kitchen appliances and for two or three people to work in.

“I’ll take it,” he announces.

“Really?” the agent exclaims, eyes almost bulging out of their sockets. But he remembers his job here, and quickly regains his composure. “I mean, that’s fantastic to hear, Mr. Park. Did you want to see the apartment upstairs?”

Jay smiles genuinely for the first time today and acquiesces.

The stairs lead directly from the kitchen into a one-bedroom apartment that’s about as rundown as the rest of the place. Fully furnished, too, although Jay suspects he’ll have to change out the sofa and the bed frame that look about a century old.

“I told you this one was a bit of a fixer-upper,” the agent says, eyeing Jay nervously as if he might suddenly go back on his words.

The young man bites back a laugh—talk about a euphemism. He doubted that in its current state, this place was at all inhabitable. But he didn’t mind, it meant he could truly redo it to his whimsy. “That’s alright,” he reassures the agent. “Do I sign the papers now?”

A few minutes later, the two men stand outside, shaking hands. “Pleasure to have done business with you, Mr. Park.” Jay wonders if the relief on his face has anything to do with the fact that this sale comes after seven unsuccessful visits. What can he say? He has standards.

“Call me Jay, please. We’ll be neighbors, after all,” he says, nodding his head to the real estate agency a few storefronts down the street.

“Right,” the agent says, smiling. “I’ll see you around, then, Jay. Let me know if you need help with the renovations, I know a guy.” Checking his watch, he adds, “Oh, and since it’s lunchtime, I highly recommend you try this restaurant right here. The true gem of our small town. The best japchae you’ll eat in your life.”

The mere mention of the dish tugs at Jay’s heartstrings, and a smile that only he understands the meaning of appears on his lips. He doesn’t say, I doubt that. Instead, he says, “Thank you. I’ll try it out.”

With a last nod of his head, the agent heads back to his office. Jay turns to the restaurant, and upon seeing its name in big, red LED letters — either turned off during the day, or broken — has to squash his hopes down. A restaurant called Kim’s Kitchen that serves japchae in a small seaside town, what are the odds? But the Korean coastline runs for thousands of kilometers, Kim is the most common name in the country, and japchae is practically the national dish. 

The smell of soy sauce, sizzling meat and burnt sugar hit his nose as soon as he walks into the tiny, homey place, as well as the cheerful noises of businessmen off on their lunch break, clinking glasses of beer and soju at 12:30 p.m.. Lucky for him, there’s one spare table in the corner, where he sits and waits for someone to notice him. It only takes a minute for a woman to approach him, black hair tied in a low ponytail — just like you used to wear, he thinks despite himself — and white stained apron over a pink t-shirt. She smiles at him in that polite but tired way that restaurateurs have about them before wiping his table and setting down cutlery and a plastic jug of water.

“You’re a new face,” she says matter-of-factly. 

Jay’s eyebrows shoot up. Does she usually recognize every face that walks through here? “I am, yes.”

“But you’re not a tourist.” She speaks in such a strong dialect that Jay wonders, perhaps naively, whether she’s exaggerating it. The chatter at the tables around him has dwindled down, other clients shamelessly eavesdropping on their conversation and staring at him. 

He clears his throat, a blush creeping up his neck. “Um, I’m not, no.” His words hang in the air for a few unbearable seconds during which he debates adding more—that he’s just bought the old bookstore across the street, that he plans to turn it into a café, that he is staying at the only Airbnb in town that remains available after summer. But he stays silent, and the waitress smiles again, more sincerely this time.

“Well, welcome to Sojuk-ri,” she says. The chatter picks back up; he must have been deemed not interesting enough by the curious eyes and ears around him. “And welcome to Kim’s Kitchen. We always serve japchae and bibimbap with beef or with the seafood catch of the morning. This week’s specialty is abalone porridge, because my husband got sick, again, and we thought we might as well make some for everyone,” she says, sighing. “Our side dishes today are cucumber kimchi, soybean sprouts and steamed eggs.”

“Could I get one serving of japchae and one of porridge, please?”

“Coming right up.”

As she walks away, Jay goes to retrieve his phone from his coat pocket. “One japchae and one porridge, Y/N,” he hears the waitress shout in the direction of the kitchen, and he freezes.

“On it,” a voice shouts back. The wind is knocked out of him.

To hear your voice again after five years is like waking up and realizing that the terrible nightmare he was having was just that—a terrible nightmare.

He whips his head up in the direction of your voice, although he’s not sure he could handle the sight of you right now. Knowing you were in the next room, breathing the same air, hearing the same sounds, was already a lot. Too much, even. He has half a mind to slip his coat back on and feel the harsh September wind on his face, but his brain and his legs seem to have stopped cooperating. His feet stay planted on the ground as if glued there. The noise in the restaurant has faded away. All he can hear is his deafening heartbeat.

There’s a screen made of thin wooden slats that hides the kitchen from view. He catches a glimpse of someone — you? — wearing blue jeans and the same apron as the waitress when she steps into the kitchen. What would you do if you saw him?

Scratch that, Jay thinks. What will you do when you see him, your new neighbor, your old friend?

The only way to escape this now is to annul the contract he signed five minutes ago and to flee Sojuk-ri, never to come back again.

Jay’s mind goes through every possible outcome as he waits for his meal. He could march up to you and demand an explanation. He could march up to you, fall to his knees, wrap his arms around your hips, and cry. He could pretend not to have seen you. He could pretend he’s forgotten all about you. He could tell you not a single day has passed without you haunting his thoughts. He could ask if you still think things really are better off this way. He could ask if you, too, have not had a moment’s peace since you last saw each other.

The waitress walks back out, holding a tray full of steaming food, and he gets another glorious glimpse of you. Because it really is you—your hair falling in a braid down your back, something he’s never seen before, holding up a spoon to your lips, your left hand ready to catch any drop that might fall.

Do you regret it?

Jay stares at the screen in front of him as the waitress sets down his plate and bowl, lightly saying, “Enjoy.”

Tears prick at his eyes as he chews on the glass noodles. If he wasn’t one hundred percent sure that it was you behind that screen before, he is now.

The agent was right—today and five years ago, it really is the best japchae he’s ever had.

.

.

Tears muddle your vision as you pack your belongings—well, “packing” is a pretty word for something that looks more like frantically stuffing things into your one large suitcase, backpack and tote bag. In September, you’d sulked at your family for not driving you up to Seoul; now, you’re grateful there were only so many things you could bring on the train with you.

Just yesterday, you were laughing and eating delicious jjajjangmyeon, tangsuyuk and fried pork dumplings at a Korean-Chinese restaurant with your friends and boyfriend. There were many things to be happy about—the end of your mock exams, Jay’s upcoming birthday, Jaemin finally getting a text back from the girl he had a crush on in high school, the nearing results for the numerous internships and stages your school offers worldwide.

You think of the concentration on Sumin’s face (and the annoyance on everyone else’s) as she takes precise photos of your food for her Instagram account, claiming the camera eats first; of the dramatic expressions and sounds Jake makes whenever he bites into something he likes; of Jaemin’s voice, louder than everyone else, as you sing Happy Birthday to Jay, joined by all the other restaurant-goers and the waiters who bring out pandan cake, two candles forming the number 20 alight.

You think of Jay’s hand squeezing yours under the table, of all the not-so-discreet glances throughout dinner, of the food he places on your plate instead of focusing on his, of the silent but comfortable walk back home in the chilly April weather, his jacket on your shoulders.

All it took was one frantic phone call for it to feel like a lifetime ago. Your mother’s words on the other side of your cell (“Your grandma fell— She’s in the hospital now— The doctors can’t tell us when she’ll wake up”) created a gap between the life you led up until 7 am this morning and the life you lead now. The girl who imagined travelling the world to visit her friends at their high-end, starred workplaces sometime in the near future isn’t the same girl drafting an email to her school to inform them she’s dropping out of the course and therefore withdrawing her application for a stage in one of the most reputed fine-dining restaurants in Paris, and therefore, in the whole world. The girl who watched her boyfriend blow his candles last night and thought, “This is the first of many birthdays we’ll be celebrating together,” isn’t the same girl bursting into tears at the sight of a hoodie he purposefully left on her bed for her to cuddle on the rare nights they spent apart. Now, she has to deal with the heartbreak of wondering whether it’s better to take it with her as a keepsake or to give it back to its rightful owner.

If your entire life wasn’t being heaved upside-down, you’d perhaps feel some pride at how efficiently you’ve managed your departure, all things considered. In just a few hours, aside from emailing your school, you’ve talked to your landlady, telling her you’ll pay your rent for as long as you’re legally obliged, giving her Sumin’s number to arrange a time to go over inventory and the state of the apartment—you’re still procrastinating calling Sumin to explain everything to her, but you know she’ll agree to help. You’ve cleared out your fridge and cupboards, preparing yourself a couple of snacks for the journey home, giving the rest to the nice lady in the apartment across from yours who once told you having a culinary student “as generous as you” as her neighbor was the best thing that’s happened to her in recent years. She’s one of the many people you feel impossibly sad leaving behind, but you have no choice. Your decision was taken rapidly, more reflex than thought. Your brother called shortly after your mother this morning, letting you know he and his fiancée would move back home from Busan in a few weeks if it turned out to be necessary.

You’ve even remembered to change the reservation at a fancy restaurant in Seoul for Jay’s birthday from a party of two people to four—he’ll celebrate with Sumin, Jake and Jaemin rather than with you. Another thing you hope Sumin will agree to take care of in your stead.

Perhaps the hardest part will be telling Jay. You have to, if only because there are things in his apartment you need to collect—although, truth be told, it’s not like your life depends on having any of them. But even if you’re leaving in a rush, you can’t not see him before leaving at all, it’s just the idea of sitting him down and letting him know what’s going on is too much. So, once you’re done here, you’ll head over to his, pick up everything you need, get him up to speed in a couple of sentences, and leave. You won’t kiss him, or hug him, or even look at him, because if you do, there’s a high chance you won’t be able to leave at all. 

You can’t think about what you’re doing right now. You can only do, do, do. You’ll take the time to think once the damage is done, once you’ve hit that no-return point that leaves you with no possibility to fix changes, only regret.

Because you know part of you has been regretting this since you’ve decided to do it. Part of you pictures being back home, taking care of your grandmother, running her restaurant, daydreaming of Paris and sleek kitchens and Michelin stars and all the people you left behind.

Of the one person you left behind.

.

.

Nothing should come as naturally to a grown adult as breathing. And yet, as Jay stands outside your restaurant the next day, he can hardly remember how it goes. Inhale, exhale. With a trembling hand, he opens the door. A bell resounds through the empty room. We’re not open yet! a voice, yours, calls from the kitchen. Inhale, exhale.

The screen is drawn back. He has no time to steady himself as you appear in the doorway, beautiful as ever. Your mouth opens, your eyes widen. What was it again? Right. Inhale, exhale, but his breathing is unstable, embarrassingly shaky. 

He can’t breathe and think and talk at the same time. So he stands there, barely breathing.

“Jay?” 

You look like you’ve seen a ghost. Maybe he is, to you.

But you also look as unbelievably beautiful as you always have. You look just as you do in Jay’s memories of you, and yet entirely different. Five years aren’t quite enough to say you’ve aged, but there is still something new in your features, something Jay only notices because he wasn’t there to witness the years gradually leave their mark on your face. Seeing you like this is a brutal reminder of the time since he last saw you, five years, four months and nine days to be exact. Three days before his twentieth birthday.

Yesterday, he fled before you could notice him scarfing down the food he’d ordered. Something about the blend of spices, the chewiness of the noodles, the crunch of the vegetables—it was all so distinctly you. Jay is usually one to savour every bite of his food, but in that moment, he felt like a starved man. He ate quickly and on the table left two ten-thousand won bills that more than covered for his meal.

Walking into the restaurant again, he knows what to expect. You, on the other hand… You’re surprised, that much is clear. Jay is scared to find out whether he’s a good or bad surprise. 

“Hi,” he says, but his voice comes out strangled. He clears his throat and tries again. “Hi.”

“Hi,” you reply. Neither of you speaks for a few moments. It’s not until your gaze drops to the glass Tupperware in his hands that he remembers what he came here for—or rather, what his excuse is for coming here. 

“I, uh, I’m moving into the old bookstore across the street. I’m going around giving rice cakes to, you know, introduce myself to the neighborhood, so, yeah, here…” Step by step, he bridges the distance between the two of you until he’s close enough to hand you the Tupperware. When you take it from him, you look down at it and scratch your ear like you’ve never seen rice cakes in your life, while he lets his arms hang limply by his side, too painfully aware of himself, of you, of your shared surroundings.

“Thanks,” you simply say, staring some more at the container before setting it down on the table next to you. You finally look at him again, and the confusion on your face is clear, but there’s a lingering sadness there that Jay feels deep in his bones. You haven’t gotten any better at hiding your emotions, he notices. “The old bookstore, you said?”

Jay amazes himself with the steadiness of his voice and his ability to keep his knees from buckling. This is a normal conversation between two people, he has to remind himself continuously, just a normal conversation. Although it doesn’t really help—standing in front of you after all this time, he feels like a tearful reunion or grand declaration of feelings should be occurring, not a normal, almost banal conversation. 

“Yeah. I’m turning it into a café,” he says. 

Slowly, a smile makes its way across your lips, and he almost melts into a puddle right then and there. “A café?” you repeat. “That’s surprising.”

He mirrors your smile to the best of abilities. “I fell in love with scones in London. No turning back since then…”

Your eyebrows shoot up. “You were in London?”

For a moment, Jay forgot that he lives in a world where you aren’t aware of something as crucial as his place of residence for the past two years.

“Yeah. After Paris,” he explains, unable to hide the guilt in his voice, especially as the gray cloud of a bad memory passes through your eyes. 

You nod, and he thinks that’s the end of that. But then, you ask, “Did you see the Queen?”

“Oh, of course,” he says after a pause—he’d needed a second to realize you were joking with him. As if you were friends on good terms. As if being in the same room after five years of distance and no-contact was normal. “I was on a first-name basis with all the Buckingham Palace residents.”

You scrunch your nose, your way of biting back a smile at a stupid joke. Jay is thrown back to a time when the two of you barely knew each other, and you still hadn’t admitted to yourself — or to anyone, for that matter — that you found him funny.

“How cool.”

“I know,” he says, smiling too widely.

You nod to the tupperware, filled to the brim with square rice cakes. “Can I have one of those?” you ask, as if only now that the ice has been somewhat broken, you could eat food made from his hands.

“Of course, they’re all yours,” he replies immediately. “I sprinkled powdered sugar, cinnamon and crushed hazelnuts on top.”

“Of course you did.”

Jay is vaguely aware that it is odd to be staring at someone this intensely, but he can’t help himself. His heart beats uncontrollably as he stands a few feet away from you, watching as you take a bite into the rice cake and smile. Your expression turns flustered when you notice his staring, and he remembers himself enough to take a step back and focus his gaze on something else.

“Jay?”

There’s white sugar at the corner of your lips. He discards the thought that he could wipe it away with his thumb.

“How come you’re not surprised to see me?”

His gaze snaps from your lips to your eyes. All of a sudden, they’re glossy, your eyebrows furrowed. Jay isn’t sure what he’d do if you started crying. Cry too, probably.

“I mean, you walked in here like it’s just another day. I don’t remember ever telling you I was from here. Did you-”

“I didn’t know. I ate here yesterday and saw you, but before that, I had no idea.” He wants to reach out to you, feel the warmth of your hands against his. He wants to tell you that he always knew the universe would find a way to bring you back to him. Instead, he says, “Crazy coincidence, right?”

You take a deep breath, processing his words. “Yeah, crazy coincidence,” you say in a tone that Jay can’t quite decipher, something he’s not used to when it comes to you.

There’s a small silence, unspoken words hanging heavy in the air, weighing down Jay’s tongue in his mouth. In the kitchen, a timer goes off. Your head swivels in its direction. “I should probably…” you start, but don’t move. Jay gets the message nonetheless.

“Right. Yeah, of course. I won’t keep you any longer. Hope you like the rice cakes.”

“Thanks.”

His hand is on the door handle when you call out his name, sending electricity down his spine. He turns around with embarrassing haste.

“Come have your meals here when you’re working on your café. You always used to skip them when you were focused on something… I don’t know if you still do, but the offer is there.”

Jay smiles. “Okay,” he says.

.

.

“You’re still here?”

Your voice makes Jay jump. He’s been alone for at least three hours now, and with the sun having set, the classroom is plunged in darkness, save for the streetlights outside and the bright lamp above his prep station. When he turns around, you’re walking towards him, and he can just make out a mix of surprise and amusement in your smile as you step into the light. There’s some concern, there, too, he’d like to think.

“I am. And you’re sneaking up on someone holding a very sharp knife.”

You reach his prep station, rest your lower back against the counter. “I’ve seen your chopping skills, Park. I’m not afraid of you.”

Playfully, he rolls his eyes. Is it just him, or have those jabs you like to throw at each other started to feel less sharp, less rough around the edges lately? Like a dull knife, “a knife that’s been loved too much,” his mother always used to say. You still use it because it’s familiar, but it’s not as efficient anymore.

“I’m not the one who showed up to a cooking course not knowing what a julienne was.”

“Yes, but that’s because you’re the one with a world-renowned chef for a dad.”

Jay tilts his head, taking the hit. “Well, dad is a generous term for that man.” Immediately, he wishes he could take back his words. Not only have the two of you never delved into any sort of personal matter, you’re not nearly close enough to do so—and he’s afraid you’ll think him ungrateful for the life he’s had, like he always is whenever he mentions his dissatisfaction with his dad to someone. He watches as you look down at your hands and tug at your sleeves. His stomach flips with embarrassment. He’s said the wrong thing, and now that you were finally starting to relax around each other, he’s gone and made things weird.

But then, you look at him, that mischievous glint still in your eyes, and ask, “Do you really want to get into your daddy issues right now? Nine p.m. on a random Tuesday?”

His shoulders sag with relief. He lets out a breathy chuckle, saying, “No, better not. What are you doing here, anyway?”

You wave a notebook at him. It’s simple, with metal spirals holding the pages together and a transparent plastic cover. “I wanted to go over some recipes at home and realized I left this precious thing here. What about you?”

“Also going over some recipes. It’s not going swimmingly, as you can see,” he replies with a sigh, gesturing at the mess of pots on the stove, of diced vegetables on the cutting board, of spoons and chopsticks and knives strewn around the station. It’s not like him to be so disorganized, and judging by the astonishment on your face, you know this. “I’ve been here since the end of class, and I still can’t get this sauce just right.”

You furrow your eyebrows. Jay waits for it—a teasing comment, a snide remark, if you’re feeling particularly mean. Something about how easy today’s lesson was, how this is something he should’ve mastered in no time. But the hatch never drops.

To Jay’s absolute bewilderment, “Have you even eaten?” are the words that come out of your mouth. He’s even more surprised to find that he indeed has not eaten yet. When he tells you this, you click your tongue and shake your head. Is he being… scolded? 

“That’s not reasonable, Jay,” you say, and it takes him a few seconds to be fully sure you’re genuine and not playing an elaborate, ultra-convincing trick on him. You grab a spoon, dip its underside into the sauce Jay has been breaking his back over the entire evening and bring it to your mouth. “Plus, your sauce tastes just fine.” You sound irritated. It only confuses Jay further.

“Just fine is not exactly what I’m going for, here.”

“Just fine will have to do for now,” you say with a tone that lets him know this is where the conversation ends. “Come on, let’s clean this up and go eat something.”

Jay has a feeling you don’t often run into people that don’t listen to you, and he decides he doesn’t want to be the first. So, quietly, he gets to washing dishes as you pack away his many tries at this stupid doenjang. He tells you to put them in the communal fridge or take them home to yourself—if he can go the rest of his life without having to look at another soybean, he’ll be happy.

“That might be a bit tricky if you plan to go into Korean cuisine,” you point out.

“Let a man dream, Y/N.”

This is how Jay finds himself under a red tent thirty minutes later, tipping back soju and munching on stir-fried anchovies with peanuts and crispy, burning-hot scallion pancakes that coat his fingers with oil. He hadn’t realized how hungry he was until he looked at the empty plates in front him and found himself ready for more.

“We go to one of the best culinary schools in Seoul, a city in which fine-dining options abound, and you bring me to a pojangmacha,” he states matter-of-factly, looking around at the people around him, all varying amounts of drunk, at the old lady wearing a plastic mask and frying all kinds of finger foods that go perfectly with alcohol.

“Seoul has nothing more delicious to offer than its street food.”

Jay tilts his head in agreement, raising his glass to yours. “Can’t argue with that,” he says, and the sound of your glasses clinking gets a smile out of you.

A few beats of silence pass. Surprisingly comfortable silence, Jay thinks as he watches you watch the passers-by. You suddenly turn to face him, and he picks up the bottle of soju, pouring the both of you a drink, pretending he wasn’t staring at you just seconds ago. “So, what was that thing about your dad earlier?” you ask unceremoniously.

The question should take him aback more than it does, but perhaps the shared bottle of alcohol has already worked its magic between the two of you—Jay doesn’t feel like it’s an inappropriate topic to broach with someone he’s only previously spoken about food and overly strict chefs with. “So you do want to get into my daddy issues on a random Tuesday at nine p.m.,” he jokes.

“Well, it’s more like ten p.m. now, so I think we’re good.”

He chuckles. “Alright. Well, how do I go about this without sounding like the most clichéd poor little rich boy ever? I had everything but a father. The man you see on TV, barking orders at his kitchen staff and criticizing the cooking show contestants like their food isn’t worth a dime, that’s basically the same man I had at home. Except most of the time he wasn’t even paying enough attention to have something to yell at me for. I could’ve been flunking half of my classes, and he would’ve been none the wiser.”

“Gosh. That… sucks,” you say, looking genuinely distraught. “I always thought he was playing it up for the cameras.”

Jay watches the clear alcohol swish around his glass. “His father was an army general and he himself was a cook in the army for a decade. It wasn’t an act at all,” he says, then drinks the soju. It burns on its way down. “It was okay at first. It was even good, sometimes. He wasn’t always there emotionally, and he spent a lot of time at work, but we didn’t argue every time we talked. But my mom wanted a divorce, she didn’t like being the wife of a celebrity chef, she didn’t care about the big house, and the fancy restaurants, and the articles in the magazines. When she left him, she said, “I fell in love with you for your kimchi stew. Now you charge hundreds of thousands of won for two scallops.” He was even more distant after that, to say the least.”

He pauses there, letting silence hang in the air between the two of you. You pour the last of the soju in Jay’s glass, then ask the owner for another bottle and another scallion pancake. “Go on,” you say, gently. Jay wonders for a second if he deserves your listening ear—but if you’re happy to extend it, he might as well take it. Getting it all out feels surprisingly good. Refreshing.

“Well, the weeks at my mom’s new apartment were great. We’d cook together, go out to museums, watch movies. I could talk about anything with her, even the embarrassing stuff. She felt like a friend as much as a mother. But my father… mostly, he wasn’t there. I couldn’t go to him. He was always at work, always off somewhere more important, he didn’t even show up to my high school graduation. The only times he would pay attention to me was when I cooked. I would stay up preparing banchan, fermenting kimchi, making pastes from scratch. He’d come home late in the evening, join me in the kitchen and teach me tricks. All without a word. I think it was the only way he knew how to show care. I’ve talked about this with my mom at length… I think he’s been taught that showing vulnerability means being weak.” He glances at you, your eyes wide open as if you used them to listen rather than your ears, your eyebrows furrowed in empathy. “I told you this was cliché.”

You smile. Something warm spreads in Jay’s chest—it’s the soju getting to him, surely. He continues before you can say something nice and make him lose his footing. “I desperately wanted to make him proud. I knew he wouldn’t bat an eye if I brought home the best grades or became the captain of some sports team. So I dedicated myself to cooking. And now, I love it, I really do…”

“But part of that is because you want him to notice you.”

Your eyes meet. The woman running the stand approaches then, setting down your soju and pancake on the table. “Does that make me a fraud?” Jay asks when she’s gone. It’s the first time he’s uttered the question out loud. He hopes it comes out casually, consciously self-deprecating, and not like something he’s been terrified of since the course started. 

You frown. “Of course not. We all have different reasons for cooking. Yours is just as valid as anyone else’s.”

Jay likes how seriously you take him. Between those who think his connections got him into the school and those who suck up to him, thinking it’ll get them a spot at one of his dad’s restaurants, not many of his classmates treat him as an equal, pure and simple. But you do. You’ve always been as snarky towards him as towards the rest of them, and you don’t question his presence in the classroom.

For a second, he dares hope he’s found a friend in you.

“What about you? What’s your reason for cooking?”

An introspective smile spreads on your lips as you ponder his question. “I want to make better japchae than my grandma.”

When Jay presses, you tell him about your hometown and Kim’s Kitchen, your grandma’s restaurant, the simple but hearty food that people keep coming back for. “It’s delicious, but I want to learn other techniques. Make more sophisticated meals. She says I think I’m a big-shot now that I’ve moved to Seoul and spend hours cutting carrots into identical strips. But I like it here, it’s so different to anything I’ve ever known. Sure, the chefs are on our asses about the smallest details, and everyone is simultaneously friend and foe, but outside of school, nobody cares about you. No eyes following your every movement, no gossip spreading from door to door. Living in a small town is like being trapped in middle school forever.”

He asks what the name of your town is, but you dismiss him easily. “The chances of you knowing it are slim, and the chances of you ever hearing of it in the future are even slimmer.”

Jay grew up without the affection of his father; you grew up with the unwanted attention of every adult around you. Somehow, it led you to the same point in life. Early twenties, an obsessive love of cooking, and a need to leave your past behind. 

Soon after that, as Tuesday tips into Wednesday, you decide it’s time to go. Jay tries to pay, but you insist otherwise. “You’ll get it next time,” you say.

The soju has stained his cheeks red, has warmed him up enough to not feel the cold November air biting at his skin. You’re clearly a better drinker than he is, helping him into a cab and deciphering his address as his speech comes out mumbled. He’ll regret ordering that third bottle in the morning.

Next time. Looking out the window at the rapidly passing buildings and people and street lights, Jay turns the words around in his head. He decides he likes the sound of them.

.

.

Indifferent to whether someone’s leaving or arriving, the bells of your restaurant’s door chime when Jay walks out, just as they did when he walked in. They continue to ring for a little bit, the emptiness of the restaurant amplifying the sound. It’s all you can do to stand there, your brain valiantly trying to wrap itself around what just happened and failing. 

The only proof that less than ten seconds ago, like an apparition, Jay stood in front of you, is the remaining glass Tupperware, filled to the brim with rice cakes and light brown toppings, your mouth already anticipating their softness and sweetness.

Soft and sweet. Those adjectives would describe something else you know.

Your brain is truly failing to understand how he could not only appear, but also leave again so suddenly. In and out within five minutes. And what had you done—invited him to eat here? You try to recall the short conversation, but every word spoken and heard is blurry, mumbled; a momentary black-out. His presence in Kim’s Kitchen was so nonsensical that nothing seemed appropriate to say. Maybe he has completely grown out of his habit to skip meals when he works, maybe the overwhelming smell and thought of food doesn’t cut his appetite anymore, and you wouldn’t have to coax him out of the kitchens or bring dinner to him when he perfects recipes. But you had to say something, anything to ensure you would see him again, as though you haven’t become literal neighbors, and as you walk back to your kitchen, you realize that you had buried the ache of missing him deep into the marrow of your bones. 

Deep enough to ignore, deep enough that it never went away.

Your knees suddenly buckle underneath you and you drop to a crouch. An unexpected, gasp-like sob escapes your throat. You cover your mouth with your hand, but it’s too late—the dam has broken. Holding onto the handle of the oven like it’s your only tether to this world, more sobs keep pouring out of you, and you do nothing to force them down. You need to get it out somehow, the shock of seeing him, here, of all places. The shock of your present and your past colliding, bleeding into one another like you have been desperately trying to prevent for years. The shock of your heart giving in so easily at the mere sight of him.

Except it wasn't just the mere sight of him, was it? It was his voice, still gentle, still carrying that lilt of amusement. His scent, the same woody perfume, masculine but not overbearingly so. The kindness, painfully obvious in his eyes and in his gestures: of course Jay would move in somewhere and proceed to deliver homemade rice cakes to everyone in the neighborhood. 

He was close enough to touch. Just a few steps, and you could’ve—what, exactly? Wrapped your arms around him, buried your face in his neck, as you once loved to do, kissed him? It’s ridiculous. Eight months of knowing each other, six of those spent dating; you hadn’t even spent a whole year together. And yet, here you are, half a decade later, mind still branded by a hot iron with every memory you have of him.

You’ve never cried so pathetically. Even when you left Seoul and everything you had built there behind, you barely let yourself cry—a few silent tears on the train back, and that was it. No time to wallow, you had a grandma to take care of and a restaurant to run. Seeing Jay today feels like mourning your relationship, five years after its untimely death. You knew you wouldn’t have been able to do everything that needed to be done while feeling this kind of pain, but you also know that feeling it all at once like this is impossibly worse.

You don’t know how long you stay there, crouched low, tears drenching your palms, shoulders trembling. But at some point, a pair of arms wrap themselves around you, and the familiar scent of rose water and medicine envelops you. Your grandmother. It’s not every day that she has the strength to come help you out at the restaurant, and the fact that you’re in such a state now that she’s here only makes you feel worse. In her arms, you feel like a kid again, crying over a dead goldfish or a mean comment on the school playground as she strokes your hair and shushes you.

“What on Earth has gotten you like this, my dove?” she asks gently. The sound of her voice calms you down, brings you out of your mind, stuck in the past, and back to this moment in time.

You sniffle and rub your eyes dry. “I saw someone I thought I’d never see again,” you say, voice heavy, sitting uncomfortably in your throat.

Your grandmother chuckles. You look up at her, and all the tenderness in the world is in her eyes. “Well, aren’t you a lucky one?”

“I don’t feel lucky.”

Brushing away tears from your cheeks with her thumb, she says, “You know, there are some people I’d do anything just to see one last time. This is a precious opportunity, dear. Don’t let it slip away.”

A small smile appears on your lips. “You don’t even know who this is about,” you murmur, and this is apparently funny enough for your grandmother to burst into laughter.

“Oh, honey, I don’t need you to tell me to know. It’s written all over your face.” She gives you a knowing smile, then is back on her feet, a hand extended out to you. “Now, come, we have work to do.”

.

.

The real estate agent didn’t lie when he called the old bookstore a fixer-upper: there are floorboards coming undone, flaky wallpaper that needs to be torn apart and reapplied, electricity and gas pipes that should definitely be checked by a professional. Jay has weeks, if not months, of work in front of him before he can start thinking about opening the café. 

But it’s his, and that is all that matters.

He has saved enough money working at upscale restaurants in Paris and London, and the only upside of having both his grandfather and his mother pass away in the past three years has been the inheritance, which has allowed him to pursue this otherwise unreasonable dream. And if he somehow runs out of money, maybe you’ll give him a part-time job as a kitchen porter.

Thankfully, the real estate agent did also not lie when he said he “knew a guy.” One phone call is all Jay needs for said guy, or Heeseung, as his parents would have it, to show up at the shop and have a look over it. The only thing he asks for in return is lunch at Kim’s Kitchen, and Jay is more than happy to oblige. 

Just like yesterday, you’re nowhere to be seen when the two men step inside the restaurant. The same waitress — Jay wonders if she’s a family member of yours — greets them and shows them to their seats, far from the kitchen, to someone’s great disappointment. On the menu today is abalone porridge, “again,” raw beef bibimbap, which Jay orders, and spicy fish stew, which Heeseung orders. Jay notices how intently Heeseung watches the waitress as she rattles off the dishes of the day and wonders if there’s something there, or if he’s just very hungry and low on patience. But from the way his eyes stay on her even as she retreats to the kitchen, he assumes it’s the former. Part of him is curious to know more, but a bigger part is very much aware that this is a man he met an hour ago and is not in the measure to ask, “Hey, got a thing for that waitress?”

But maybe Heeseung will give him the answer himself.

“The chef here is really good with spicy dishes. Not so spicy that you lose the flavors, but not so little that it becomes bland.” He’s probably just trying to make small talk, but Jay latches onto this like a lifeline, because the mere mention of “the chef here” is enough to get his heart racing.

“Oh yeah? Do you know her well?” he asks, conscious that this might not be the most normal follow-up question to a statement about your cooking skills. He tries to appear as nonchalant as he can, pouring water into his and Heeseung’s blue plastic cups.

“I do, actually. We’ve been friends since childhood.”

Childhood friends. Jay’s eyes narrow momentarily before the rational part of his brain reminds him that the man in front of him need not be an enemy.

“How do you know it’s a her, by the way?” Heeseung asks.

“Oh. The real estate agent mentioned it yesterday,” he replies, not even sure whether that’s true or not. “Y/N, I think it was?”

Heeseung smiles. “That’s the one.”

Why does your name make him smile?

Jay is not a great actor, but he puts on his best relaxed, just-trying-to-get-to-know-you, I-have-no-other-intentions face, and asks, “Are you guys, like…?”

Heeseung furrows his eyebrows, taking a second to compute Jay’s words, then leans back in his chair, a surprised expression on his face. “Oh, no, not at all. It’s never been like that. No, I’m, uh… There’s someone else I like, let’s just say.” Jay follows Heeseung’s gaze, turning around to find the waitress — Knew it — gathering the empty bowls from another table. When he looks at Heeseung again, he’s smiling in a shy, self-deprecating sort of way, but before he can ask him about it, Heeseung continues speaking. “Anyways, I’m sure our moms would love to see it happen, but since the two primarily concerned are against it, I doubt we’ll ever make them happy. In that regard, at least.”

“What do you mean, they’d love to see it happen?”

“Well, you know what moms are like,” Heeseung says, shrugging, but Jay gives him a look that says he does not know what moms are like—not theirs, at least. When it came to relationships, all his mother ever told him was to be careful. “Her mom has known me since I was little, and vice versa. Our moms are friends with each other. We’ve only ever been polite to each other’s moms. That’s enough for them to think we should get married.”

Jay almost chokes on his water then. “Married?” he echoes in a tone that makes him sound far more involved than he’s trying to come off as. He clears his throat. “I just mean, I didn’t realize it was marriage you were talking about. That’s pretty, uh, big,” he explains with an awkward chuckle.

If Heeseung finds his behavior suspicious, he doesn’t say anything. “I know. But here, it’s marriage or nothing. You better not be caught dating anyone for fun, because suddenly your parents, their parents, and basically every parent in this town is on your ass about getting married and having kids. A lot of people get engaged right out of university, or even high school, sometimes.”

“Wow,” Jay says, because that’s all he can think to say right now. Everywhere he’s been, being in your early twenties has meant dating apps, one-night stands and casual relationships. None of his close friends are even engaged at the moment, and he’s twenty-five. He’d be lying if he said he’d never imagined what yours and his future might have looked like when you were dating, but when he’d pictured marriage and children, you were both thirty at the very least.

“Yep. Things are changing, though. My parents already had me at my age, whereas I don’t even have a girlfriend. And I’m not the only one. Well, Y/N’s in the same boat, for one.”

Hope flares in Jay’s heart. “She’s not seeing anyone either?” he asks, thinking his tone sounds natural enough, but aware that his eye contact is far too intense. He can’t help himself.

“Nope. Now that you mention it, I haven’t seen her date anyone in a really long time. I’ve always assumed she’s just busy with the restaurant, but I should ask her about it. It’s probably just that there aren’t many options here…” he trails off, looking into the distance with a pout. But then, his gaze sharpens as he directs it to Jay. “Guess one more option has appeared, though. I think it’s safe to assume you wouldn’t have moved here all on your own if you were dating someone, right? You don’t have a wife and kids back in Seoul?”

Jay laughs, more out of shock than anything. “Definitely not, no.”

Heeseung leans back in his chair with a grin on his face, the brightest Jay’s seen him smile so far. “Perfect. I honestly have no idea what kind of men Y/N’s into, but you seem decent enough so far.”

“I’ll take decent enough.”

The food arrives then, and as they eat, Jay tries not to burst into tears at the thought that you made this meal. He is both relieved and sad when Heeseung shifts the topic from you to their renovations plans. They agree that it would be best to start with the studio, so that Jay can move in and not have to extend his stay at the guest house he’s currently living in for another month or two. There are things Jay can’t do himself, things for which he has neither the skills nor the time to learn, such as completely replacing the wood panels that line the floor or removing the old, deteriorating ceiling tiles. Apparently, in this town, every guy knows a guy: Heeseung has someone for water, for electricity, for gas, and they’re respectively a cousin, a brother-in-law’s brother, a long-time friend. Jay will get to do the fun bits himself—choosing the wallpaper and parquet flooring, building and arranging furniture, decorating the café. The sooner he can get a functioning kitchen set up, the better. He can only try out so many different cake recipes and sandwich-filling combos in the tiny kitchen of his current residence. 

Even when he goes to pay at the counter by the entrance of the kitchen, Jay doesn’t get a glimpse of you. It’s only when he exits the restaurant, the chime of the bell already a familiar sound, and he turns around to wish a good day to the waitress, that you peek out from behind the curtain. A smile and a wave, directed at him. You’re gone before he can return the attention.

He is inexplicably giddy all day—well, he knows the reason for his unwavering smile, but to Heeseung and his team, he lies that it’s “just excitement at seeing the project coming along so quickly.”

.

.

There’s a knock at the door just as Jay, fresh out the shower, slips his t-shirt on. He wonders who it could be at this hour—it’s almost ten p.m., too late for the old lady he’s renting from to drop by with food like she did yesterday night. He debates asking who it is behind the door, but ultimately decides, naively perhaps, that not only are the crime rates in this town probably extremely low, it wouldn’t make sense for a robber-slash-serial-killer to knock before barging into a house.

You look the opposite of a robber-slash-serial-killer as you stand at Jay’s door, a black plastic bag in your hand, a smile he can only describe as angelic on your lips. Bottles clink together as you raise the bag to shoulder-level. “Let’s catch up,” you say, but instead of letting yourself in, you turn and head somewhere else.

“Wait,” Jay says, but you don’t, so he scrambles to put on his slippers and grab his jacket from the coat rack. The two-room apartment he’s staying at sits atop his landlady’s house, and although she’d told him he was welcome to use it, he hadn’t ventured up the other set of stairs that lead to the roof. You seem to know your way around, though, so he follows you. 

From this high up, Jay can see the sea glittering in the distance, the small fishing boats rocking peacefully on the water, the many roofs strewn around the town, their colors lost to the night. It should be in this moment, as the beauty of the town he’s chosen to set up store in reveals itself to him, that he truly feels that he made the right decision, coming here. Or it should’ve been when he found the old bookstore; or when Heeseung told him the place looked much worse that it actually was, and that it would be a piece of cake, renovating it.

Alas. It’s only when you press the button to the fairy lights, flickering to life and casting a halo of golden light behind you, that Jay knows he’s really found what he came here for. He’s transfixed, feet frozen to the concrete, eyes glued on your face, but you don’t seem to notice. “Nice place, right?” you say, gesturing to the potted plants, the low wooden table, even the clothesline on which the fairy lights hang, like fireflies. It’s all he can do to nod appreciatively.

From a trunk he hadn’t noticed, you pull out two cushions and one blanket. The cushions go on opposite sides of the table, and you hand him the blanket. “Here, your hair’s still damp, take this,” you explain, not quite meeting his eyes. Without another word, you sit across from each other, Jay watching you carefully as you pull out bottles of soju, cans of beer and a packet of dried anchovies from your bag. 

“A successful trip to the convenience store,” he comments.

“To welcome you to the area,” you add. “And to catch up on lost time.”

Lost time. An appropriate way of describing the years that separate this moment from the day you let go of his hand. Would things have gone differently, had you known you would meet again like this down the line? 

He appreciates that you don’t tiptoe around the subject. You’re not strangers, you never could be, no matter how much time you might go without seeing each other. There’s a certain level of connection you can’t come back from. The two of you can’t start anew, and he’s glad you’re not pretending like that is what this is. And yet, there’s the gnawing feeling that you’re treating him more like an old friend than an old lover. You’re being almost too welcoming. You’d always made him feel special, like he was to you what no one else had ever been, what no one else could be—right now, he just feels awkward.

Dismissing all the questions burning the tip of his tongue, Jay settles for a safer one. Rather than on your face, he focuses his gaze on the way you fill the small glasses to the brim with soju. “How did you know I was here?”

“Mrs. Yoon used to be one of my schoolteachers. She’s also a friend of my grandma’s. She showed up to our house the night you got here saying she had just welcomed the most handsome lodger.” you say, imitating her. “Wasn’t hard to figure out who she was talking about. She’s pushing eighty and still getting excited about boys, of all things.”

You clink your glasses and tip your drinks back at the same time. “You think I’m a boy, Y/N?”

Jay can’t help the smirk that appears on his lips as you briefly choke, the soju seemingly going down the wrong pipe. “She probably does. You could be her grandson.” He knows you’re avoiding the question, but he lets you off the hook, just this once. There’s a slight furrow in your eyebrows as you pour a second glass for the both of you. You don’t wait for him before you all but throw it down your throat.

“So. How’ve you been?” Jay asks after a few moments of silence. Surprise flashes through your face for a second, as though you weren’t the one to propose this catch-up session in the first place. When you sigh, there’s far too much depth to it for a 26-year-old, Jay thinks. 

“I’ve been fine,” you answer simply. “Just working a lot.”

“Too much?”

You briefly meet his eyes. “Sometimes, yeah.” You must know this won’t cut it. Even when you were just getting to know each other, this sort of run-of-the-mill, surface-level answer didn’t fly between the two of you. So, Jay says nothing, waiting patiently for you to go on. “It’s not the work in itself that’s tiring. I’m glad my grandma’s recipes continue to be loved by so many people, and I’m glad she’s also letting me put my own twist on our dishes and come up with new ones. I work long hours, and we only close one day a week, but I like what I do. It’s this town…” you say, looking around yourself with disdain, as if the very buildings and roads that constitute Seojuk-ri are the ones you’re at odds with, “that’s exhausting.”

“Things haven’t changed, then?”

“Not in the slightest. People are still just as nosy, just as overbearing, just as sickeningly well-intentioned as they have always been. If anything, it’s gotten worse, because the old people have gotten older and the young people are starting to take on those characteristics, too. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Everyone that I love is here. But if I have to go through one more conversation with another one of my school friends, mother of two at 24, about when I’m finally gonna have a kid, I might just take all of my family’s money and flee. I don’t want to hear about my biological clock anymore.”

Jay chuckles, cracking open one can of beer for you, another for him. You grab it immediately, taking large gulps as you look up at the sky with anger. “Gee, I wonder why,” he jokes. “I always thought it was your dream to give birth to twins before your frontal lobe even fully developed.”

You roll your eyes. “It’s not like there’s anyone here I’d want to knock me up,” you say. You pause at the same time, as it dawns on you both how your words could be interpreted. Despite himself, hope flashes through Jay. He already knew from his conversation with Heeseung that you were single, but to hear it from you — not in these exact terms, but still — is something else entirely.

“That’s… good to know,” he says for lack of a better alternative, feeling as flustered as you look. You’re both silent for a little while, exchanging quick, chaste glances, as though there’s anything to be shy about between the two of you.

“Your turn,” you say eventually. “I’ve been here this whole time, but you’ve moved around, right?”

He nods. Tells you about his time in Paris, about the two-year contract he got offered upon completion of his stage at the Michelin-starred restaurant—the one you’d also had your eye on. Tries not to read too much into your expression, which you seem to be keeping as neutral as you can. Wonders if it’s still a sensitive topic.

He quickly moves on to London. “Surprisingly, my favorite part of working at L’Arôme was getting to help out with the desserts once in a while. The techniques, the flavor combinations… I found them more exciting. So when I got the opportunity to work under a pastry chef in London, I didn’t hesitate for a second.”

Of course, he had to learn all the basics first. Ganaches, caramels, meringues, all sorts of dough… What he ended up falling in love with was the simplicity of it all. The cuisine his father, and therefore, Jay himself, had always been interested in was complex. Measured down to the milligram, temperature-controlled, extensively researched and tested-out—so much fuss for something that will be eaten in two, three bites. It was a different sort of culinary experience, one Jay realized he wasn’t as taken with. He liked irregular chocolate chips, cracked cake tops, frosting spread unevenly. As often as he could, he would go to a different café in London and try about half of the baked goods they had on display. For the first time in his life, Jay knew exactly what he wanted his next step to be, and he knew it was his decision and only his.

You listen intently, nodding along to his words, and Jay tries not to lose his focus when your smile turns particularly fond. You don’t even seem to realize what you’re doing, and that somehow makes things worse.

“And then, well, I ended up back in Seoul.”

“For your mom.”

“For my mom, yeah. And now I’m here.”

“And now you’re here.” A pause. Then, a mere whisper, “How?”

How, indeed. In the past couple of days, every time Jay’s mind drifted back to you — which happened far too often for him to keep count — he’d been in awe at the sheer improbability of your reunion. Of all the seaside towns you could’ve hailed from, it just so happened that it was this one, the only one he had any sort of attachment to. It was this sort of happening that made him reevaluate his lack of belief in some higher force, some ruling hand over the universe. 

“I came here with her a few months before she… you know. Died. Passed away. I never know what word is preferable. People have such weird ways of reacting to it.”

You shrug. “Whichever one you like is best. I like to just…” You guide your thumb across your throat, tilting your head as you make a clicking sound with your teeth. It’s a crude gesture, and Jay can’t help but laugh. You’re probably the only person he knows that would ever refer to someone’s death like that. He appreciates your trying to keep this conversation a light-hearted one—somehow, you must know his mom’s passing still feels raw in his best moments, unbearable in his worst.

“It was just a town that she liked. She couldn’t spend too much time away from home, so we were here for the afternoon only. Maybe if we’d stayed longer, you and I would have run into each other sooner?” Jay says, drawing a smile from you, which in turn always makes him feel oddly relieved. “Anyways, I think she came here a few times when she was young and wanted to relive those moments. Her life flashing in front of her eyes, something like that.”

You consider his words for a few seconds. “I wonder what sort of buried memories will come to the surface when I’m on my deathbed.”

And without missing a beat, as if the answer was written on his tongue, Jay says, “I’ll remember you.”

He hears the breath that hitches in your throat. You stare at him, seemingly caught off-guard, while in his head, like a cassette tape, he replays you. Late nights spent in kitchens. Late nights spent under the red tent of your favorite pocha. Conversations that started at sunset and stopped at sunrise. Knowing glances thrown across a classroom, a house party, a restaurant table. Falling asleep next to you. Waking up next to you. Your hair tickling his neck. Your hands on his waist, on his shoulders, everywhere.

A blush creeps up his cheeks. With effort, he tears his gaze away from yours, takes a swig of his beer in the hope that he can blame his redness on the alcohol. Eventually, you look away too, smile down at the empty glass in your hands like it, rather than the man sitting across you, just all but confessed its love to you.

The night goes on like this, for longer than either of you anticipated. The September night air should deter you from staying outside so late, but between the blankets around your shoulders, the alcohol, and the warmth of finding each other again, the cold truly has nothing on you. It’s only when you yawn, causing Jay to yawn for so long that tears brim his eyes, that you decide it’s time to go to bed. Your chat takes on a more light-hearted tone as you put away the cushions and he gathers the cans and glass bottles for later recycling; you don’t stop talking as you head back down the stairs, and stand in front of Jay’s door as you finish recounting an anecdote. Of course, he wants to invite you in, not even because he has anything salacious in mind, but just to prolong the night as much as he can — although he can’t say with total certainty that nothing would happen if you found yourselves in a dark room together — but he says nothing. If he’s going to do this again, he’s going to do it right and take it step-by-step.

When you’re ready to leave, you press a chaste kiss to his cheek, and if he wasn’t so stunned by the sudden warmth overcoming him, he’d have embraced you before you could turn around and leave.

As he tosses and turns in his bed later, Jay thinks back to his work trip to Japan from last year, where he’d learned about the art of kintsugi. He’d stayed at a guesthouse, where one shelf of a cupboard had been filled with bowls lined with gold. When asked about it, his host explained that to repair broken pottery, the Japanese sometimes mixed gold powder with lacquer in the cracked areas. The object was more beautiful broken when fixed than in its original state.

Maybe he is getting ahead of himself, maybe he is being overly optimistic, but he can’t help but think that the two of you, too, might become more beautiful than you ever were.

.

.

Sometimes it’s Jay that drags you out of the kitchens when it’s far too late to still be behind a stove, sometimes it’s you. More often than not, you end up at the same pojangmacha you went to the first time, where you and the owner are now on a first-name basis. She’s taken to asking whether the two of you have finally gotten together every time she sees you. You’ve taken to not answering and smiling at Jay, as if you’re waiting for his answer as much as she is. 

Other times, and on weekends, when the place you need to drag each other out of is the comfort of your respective beds, you will try out an upscale restaurant in Gangnam or Hongdae. Since that first outing of yours, Jay has insisted on paying for every meal, and you only stop opposing after the fifth or so time, when you realize that your feeling of owing him is completely one-sided. You learn many things about Jay over the course of these first couple of months—one of them being that he is the least transactional, most generous person you have ever met. He is on par with the village aunties who let you and your siblings spend the afternoon at their houses and filled your bellies with snacks your mother never bought you, for absolutely nothing in return. You wonder where he learned to be so kind. The most he’ll accept from you is a vending coffee machine when you notice him dozing off during break, and he’s too tired to argue.

You don’t know what to make of the growing friendship between the two of you. Between classes and your part-time job — three nights a week spent washing dishes at a barbecue place isn’t ideal, but rent in Seoul is high, and at least you don’t have to deal with drunk customers — you don’t have time to give it too much thought. Because while on paper, you really are just friends, in your head, things are slightly more nuanced by that. 

It’s not like you’re an expert when it comes to love. With one eight-month relationship during high school that you got little out of except for the basics of sex and some notions of the type of connection you want, and another one that lasted the three months of the summer between your first and second year at the local college, you’re actually very, very far from love expertship. But no need for a PhD to know that what you feel for Jay is not platonic—unless everyone else’s hearts start racing, palms start sweating, thoughts start blurring when their friends are around, and no one has bothered to let you know.

Who knows if he feels the same way? He hasn’t told you, and you definitely won’t be asking him, too scared to lose the person who might potentially become your closest friend here. One thing about you, however, is you won’t push your feelings down. Even if you wanted to, you wouldn’t know how—the women in your family have always compared you to an open book, sometimes reproaching you for it, sometimes praising you. Even you, in your twenty-one years of living, have yet to come to a conclusion on the constant transparency of your emotions. It’s a blessing not having to bottle things up only for them to explode later—you get to really live through your feelings as they come. It’s a curse, however, when you can’t hide your disappointment upon receiving a terrible gift, or when the desperation written all over your face only works to drive someone away.

Curse or blessing, you won’t try to pretend you feel nothing for him. Sure, you won’t throw yourself at his feet — it’s not like you’re that infatuated with him, at least, not yet — but you won’t ignore the warmth that spreads from your stomach all the way to your fingertips whenever Jay smiles at you. 

After all, there’s a small possibility he feels that same warmth, isn’t there?

.

.

You wake up painfully early. You know that with age, hangovers only get worse, and you’ve been careful not to go overboard when you drink—but last night was a case apart, so you might as well let yourself off the hook.

Your thoughts are muddled, as if still coated and sticky with soju, and your entire body is screaming for water. After drinking what feels like two liters of it straight from the tap, you prepare enough coffee for everyone in your house, knowing you’ll end up drinking half of it, and inhale the smell of the ground beans like they have healing properties. It’s in moments like these, when there’s no one to cook up some hangover soup and you must do it yourself because you’re the first one up, that you’re glad you cook for a living. Chopping some vegetables, boiling some noodles, preparing a broth, you could do it with your eyes closed, and you practically do. You’re not all there, half of your head still crunching beer cans, laughing over nothing with Jay as your conversation begins to make less and less sense. Sense—you at least had enough of it not to end up in his bed last night, which you knew was a real possibility when you showed up at his temporary apartment with alcohol in hand. There was a moment of pause yesterday in which he looked for a video to show you in his gallery. It gave you time to look at him, really look at him, for the first time since he magically appeared in Sojuk-ri. Like a caress, your eyes had languidly trailed from his well-kept nails, up his arms that had gotten insultingly bigger in your five years apart, up the throat your lips knew so well, to the face that filled your dreams more often than you’d care to admit. And, in your inebriated state, your thoughts had gone… there. They didn’t quite leave when he found the video of a dog, the reason he wanted to show it to you in the first place completely forgotten, and they have apparently still not left you now, as you peel carrots and ponder the universe’s way of doing things. Not very subtle, you conclude.

The sound of a door swinging open and hurried footsteps abruptly interrupt your thoughts. In the time it takes you to turn around, whoever it is rushing to the bathroom has already closed the door behind them. The thought of a family member of yours needing the toilet this badly first thing in the morning gets a giggle out of you, until you hear retching sounds. Your head snaps up, eyes widening as the awful noise continues, stomach turning. It lasts for another minute, then you hear the toilet flush, the sink run. You stare at the bathroom door worriedly until your sister-in-law, Yeonju, appears from behind it, Yeonju who got married to your brother five months ago, Yeonju who helps out at the restaurant and has never once complained, Yeonju who’s just gotten sick. In the morning.

Her steps halt the moment she sees you, her eyes widening, her mouth falling agape to mirror your expression. You stay like that for a few seconds, simply staring at each other, both of you at a loss for words as the meaning of it all dawns on you. “You’re up early,” she says finally.

“I am. I drank too much last night.” As she nods, you have another realization. The words come out of your mouth as quickly as they form in your brain. “I haven’t seen you have a drink in a while.”

A few more beats pass. “Don’t tell anyone,” she whispers. “It’s too early.”

You nod vigorously. “Of course.” Then, a smile breaks through the shock on your features, warm tears prickle at your eyes, and Yeonju looks away, fighting back a smile of her own. You put down your vegetable peeler and run to her as quietly as you can, and, dismissing for once the fact that she doesn’t like to be touched excessively, take her in your arms and hold her tight.

She allows it for a little bit, then, with a hushed giggle, says, “Okay, okay, don’t get too excited. It’s only been six weeks.”

You lean back, hands on her shoulders. “Six weeks?!” you say, whisper-screaming her words back at her.

“Mh-hm.”

“You’ve told Seungkwan, right?”

“I’ve only told him and my mother. I would tell yours, too, and Grandmother, but…”

“They’re not the calm and collected type, I get it,” you say, nodding seriously, as if you are the image of composure yourself. 

Indeed, “You’re crying,” Yeonju points out, chuckling as a tear rolls down her own cheek. “Stop crying. I’m going to be sick again, for a different reason this time.” 

“Shut up,” you laugh, and take her in your arms again. “I’m preparing you for the commotion that will inevitably happen.”

You let her go back to bed soon after, and pick your peeler back up. You should think of your brother, of your mother, of your grandmother, of Yeonju—but, for reasons you don’t feel strong enough to try and understand, the person that comes to mind is Jay. I want to see him, you think. And, for the first time in five years, the thought that immediately follows is, I can go see him.

So you do.

It's another hour before the soup is done and your family eats it, and then you’re putting your shoes on, retracing last night’s steps to Jay’s rental, the Tupperware he used for the rice cakes now cleaned and filled with your hangover cure. It takes a minute for him to open the door after you knock—you’re about to leave the soup at his door and turn back on your heels before it creaks open.

“Y/N?”

Everything about him is still veiled with sleep. His voice, deep and slightly groggy, his half-open eyes, his dishevelled hair, even his clothing—or lack thereof. You try not to stare at his naked upper body, but it’s hard not to when the realizations hit you that not only has he kept his habit of sleeping without a t-shirt, his torso has gotten impossibly more defined since the last time you saw it. You swear his shoulders didn’t use to be so broad.

But really, it’s the familiarity of the sight that has your head reeling so. How many times have you woken up to this Jay? He was always a morning person, and so the thought that he might still be sleeping at 10 a.m. hadn’t even crossed your mind. You hadn’t expected for such waves of memories to wash over you at the mere sight of him half-asleep.

He follows your gaze downwards, his own eyes widening. “Oh, sorry. Let me go grab a shirt.”

“No, it’s okay,” you blurt out, grabbing his wrist to stop him, and letting go of it just as quickly. “I only came here to give you this.” Jay looks down at the Tupperware in your hands like it’s an alien object. “It’s nothing fancy… just some noodles and vegetables. But it always makes me feel better after I’ve had too much to drink,” you explain, feeling more out of place with every word.

“Thank you,” he finally says, taking the container from your hands. “I think I might really need it.”

You try not to let it show, but you’ve never felt so helpless around him. Even when you were first getting to know each other, things had progressed so naturally, almost as if following a predetermined pattern, that there had been no room for shame, or embarrassment, or awkwardness. You’ve always prided yourself on your ability to take everything in stride—but this, this is putting a stoke in your wheels.

After all, when you last saw Jay, it wasn’t a goodbye, see you later, take care till then. It was meant to be a real adieu. Seeing him again undoes everything you had convinced yourself of these past few years: that you would both be better off that way, that if you truly loved someone, you’d know when to let them go, all sorts of inanities. You can’t accept that things could’ve gone differently.

“Well, I hope you enjoy it,” you say, unable to bring yourself to mirror the smile on his lips, before he can invite you in to have breakfast with him. You whisper, “Bye,” and take your leave under his watchful gaze.

.

.

A few days ago, Jay received a text from Jaemin, one of the few friends from culinary school he’s actually kept in touch with. It’s not like they call each other every day since graduating three years ago, but Jay isn’t surprised to see his name on his screen. All sorts of people have been reaching out to him lately—losing your mother will do that. He doesn’t even know how half of these people have heard of it.

Hey buddy, the text reads. I wanted to tell you how sorry I am about your mom. Call me if you need anything man. I mean it. 

Another one had come a few minutes later. Could you text me your address? I’d like to send you something.

It took Jay over a week to answer the many well-wishing messages flooding his inbox, but he got around to it eventually. When Ms. Lee, his dad’s house help, knocks on his bedroom door to tell him mail has arrived for him, he assumes it’s from Jaemin, although there is no sender information or return address. Everything sent as condolences for his mother, Ms. Lee takes care of. But this one is specifically addressed to him.

For lack of a better alternative, he is staying at his father’s apartment in Seoul until he finds his own place. He knows he couldn’t withstand staying by his lonesome in his mother’s apartment, surrounded by her things. Her absence would be overwhelming. If he stayed in a hotel room, he’d probably wither away. At least, here, he has one person worrying about him, making sure he eats his meals and gets some sunlight every day. He means Ms. Lee, of course—his father has become even more of a closed-off workaholic, as if that was even possible, in the two weeks since his ex-wife’s passing. 

He tears the envelope open, curious as to what Jaemin needed to send as a letter that he couldn’t have simply texted. Inside is a singular sheet of paper, folded in half. He takes it out, unfolds it. The sight of all-too familiar handwriting makes his heart stop. 

It’s a recipe for pine nut porridge. There’s just one word on the back: Eat.

In the three days between his mom’s death and her funeral, Jay barely stopped crying. His eyes were constantly achingly puffy, his nose perpetually red and runny. But since the day of the funeral, he hasn’t shed a single tear, as if he dried himself out, as if the tears and pity of others drained him. Now, holding the piece of paper that was in your hands just days ago, his body shakes with loud sobs.

He feels a twisted mix of sadness and hope. Your letter is at once a reminder of his loss, of his life without the two women he’s loved most, and a sign that he still exists in a corner of your mind. That you still care enough to do this. 

He remembers a conversation you’d once had about exes and past crushes. It was in the middle of a rainy night; he left the blinds to his bedroom up so that the only light you’d need was the one emanating from the moon and the stars, bright and fuzzy at the edges. Your head was resting on his chest and you were trailing your fingers up and down his arm when he asked if you ever thought about the men that came before him. You laughed, saying that he was the first man you’d ever been with, the others were boys. “And I don’t even mean that as an insult. We were so young,” you said. “I don’t think about them in the way you mean, no. But I do believe that with anyone you’ve ever loved, or even just held in your affections, you always carry a little bit of them with you afterwards.” 

He had felt jealous then, even though he understood what you meant perfectly and knew he wasn’t being rational. (He only stopped pouting when you said, “Of course you have nothing to worry about. I’ve never felt the way I feel about you with anyone else.”) But now, he’s glad for it. He pictures you, looking beautiful in your little corner of the world, wherever that is, with a little bit of him in your heart. He remembers the sunny day on which you met his mom, and he pictures you, four years later, hearing the news, writing down the recipe you knew by heart, sending it in the mail.

It’s only basic ingredients. Pine nuts are expensive, but he’s sure neither his father nor Ms. Lee will mind him using them. And so, for the first time in two weeks, he picks up a knife, and gets to cooking.

.

.

Jay has caught the flu. You’ve never seen him so pathetic.

Nestled under the covers of his bed, half of his face hidden, eyebrows furrowed as if he is in deep pain—stepping into his room, you first wonder whether it really is that serious, then you feel immediate guilt for accusing him of exaggerating, even if it was just in your head. You are so used to the men in your family, your brother especially, looking like they are on the verge of death when faced with the common cold. But Jay — reasonable, independent, reliable Jay — is the last person you know who’d play up being sick for pity or attention. 

“Here,” you say, putting a tray down on his bedside table. On it rests a bowl full of steaming, fragrant pine nut porridge that you’ve just prepared—easy to digest without being bland, it’s your grandmother’s go-to recipe for sickness of any sort.

“Thanks, baby.”

Even seeing him in his current state, you can’t help but tease him when the opportunity arises. “I think you’re the baby here.”

He manages a weak smile. “I hate that you have to see me like this. You shouldn’t feel like you have to take care of me, you know.”

“I know I don’t, but I want to.” You sit at the edge of his bed, gazing softly down at him as you brush away the hair that has stuck to his forehead with sweat. He can barely keep his eyes open, and his skin is alarmingly warm against your palm. “You’re still so hot. I mean your temperature, Jay,” you say, admonishing him slightly when his smile widens. He’s running a fever and still he’s able to see innuendos in your innocent words.

“Sorry,” he whispers. You pinch his earlobe. 

“Wait for the food to cool down, and hopefully it’ll make you feel a bit better. Just give me a shout if you need anything,” you say, rising from your seat.

“Wait, Y/N.”

“Mh-hm?”

He hesitates. “Will you stay?”

It isn’t like Jay to ask anything from you. In your four months of knowing each other, you’ve always been the one who overshares, who coyly asks for favors, who texts him at all times of day and night. He listens to your anecdotes from seven years ago, remembers the names of all your friends and family members, does everything you ask him, does things you didn’t even ask him, and never complains. You do it because you expect him to do the same in return, to rely on you as you do on him. Maybe if you bore him by recounting in excruciating detail what you did that day, and where you went, and who you saw, and what they told you, he’ll feel like he can share worries weighing on his mind or memories that come to him out of nowhere. Maybe if you make him go to the store to get green onions and butter, then make him go back because he got the wrong brand of butter, he’ll feel like he can call you at six in the morning because he needs a second opinion on whether his tie and socks match, or whatever it is that men care about fashion-wise.

It’s working, you think, albeit very slowly—after your first time bonding over drinks and fried food, it took him three weeks to mention his dad again. It was another two before he told you more about his childhood, his mother, his school years. You’re greedy for everything he has to offer—you’ve never been so curious about someone, never craved so intensely to know what was going in their mind at any given moment. If he actually got a penny each time you asked him, “Penny for your thoughts?” he wouldn’t be rich, but he’d have an impressive amount of useless coins. 

In your two months of dating, your efforts have become more visible. You don’t feel like you’re picking at an iceberg anymore, nor do you have to soften him up with alcohol and snacks. He always tells you what you want to know, and increasingly doesn’t need to be asked—you almost cried of happiness the day he started going on an unprompted monologue about how versatile and nutritious beans were, and how he could still taste the bean stew his grandmother had cooked once when he was eight and never again since. 

Compared to words, actions are a bit more complicated. While he seems to do anything you ask, he has a harder time doing the requesting. Small things maybe, can you fetch him the salt, can you peel the potatoes; but he’ll always be the one who drives the two of you somewhere, he’ll never let you carry any of the groceries, he’ll never ask you to move your head even if his arm is killing him, he’ll always let you pick the movie you watch or the food you eat. When you insist on cooking for him, he insists on helping out. You pushed him all the way to the living room once, but he was back in the kitchen within the minute.

All morning, he’s been adamant on you going home, because he can take care of himself, and you’ll get sick, and “Who’ll take care of you when you get sick?” as if he wouldn’t be glued to your bedside the entire time. Only after some time do you agree that you’ll stay in the living room and check on him every once in a while, then go with him to the doctor tomorrow if it’s still this bad.

So when, finally, he asks you if you will stay, there’s only one possible answer.

“Of course, baby.”

.

.

Jay quickly settles into a new sort of routine.

He wakes up around nine a.m. every day without the need for an alarm, which, to him, is the height of luxury. He takes his time eating breakfast and getting himself ready, then heads out of the apartment with the strict necessities in the pockets of his coat and an empty tote bag. By that time, Heeseung and his men have started work in the soon-to-be café, and he drops by, standing there unnecessarily, watching the progress happen in real time. Most days he stops by the convenience store nearby to buy them soft drinks and various snacks. Sometimes he stays with them until lunchtime, sometimes he walks around the neighborhood, greeting everyone he walks past, smiling to himself when he realizes that they’re increasingly more polite, friendlier, less apprehensive of him and his sudden arrival. Then it’s lunch and he goes to your restaurant, by himself or with Heeseung and his team, eats like a king, and if he’s lucky, you’ll tell him to wait until your shift is over and you’ll spend your afternoon break with him. If he isn’t, he’ll go home and diligently practice new recipes, or less so diligently watch reruns of The Great British Bake-Off and consider it research.

Thankfully, more often than not, you grace him with your presence for a few hours in the afternoon. Part of him feels bad and keeps on telling you to go get some rest if you feel too tired in-between shifts; part of him knows he would be devastated if you actually did. You show him where everything is, from the singular bus stop to the post office to the pharmacy. You take him to the beach a couple of times, sitting in the hard sand or venturing out to the water, wincing at how cold it is against your feet until one of you inevitably splashes the other one and a chase ensues, both of you quickly wound out of breath from too much running and laughing. It makes him wish he’d been a high schooler with you—they are such adolescent moments, and he wishes he could feel the total carefreeness of them, but the weight on his heart every time he looks at you is too heavy. He wishes he knew you from before, he wishes the feeling of having known you his entire life wasn’t just a feeling but reality. Seeing you in your hometown is one step closer to that, but when he sees you talking to Heeseung and remembers that Heeseung knew you as a seven-year-old, scraped his knees on the same pavement, sat in the same classrooms listening to the same teachers, jealousy rears its ugly head and makes his stomach twist.

Sometimes the time spent with you is tinted with such sadness that he wishes he’d never met you, so that this could be a real fresh start for the both of you, but these thoughts never stay long. He reminds himself that finding you again is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity that he won’t waste on melancholy and what-ifs. 

So he forces himself not to dwell on the past, but it’s a tough resolution to uphold when most of your conversations revolve around it. Of course, you tell each other about your plans for the future, where you want to go with the restaurant and how he plans on running the café, but catching up seems to be the priority for the both of you. Jay is reassured by the amount of questions you ask him—you seem to want to be filled in on the years of his life you weren’t a part of as much as he does yours. He’s somewhat surprised at how easy it is to talk to you again. Only somewhat, because he can’t imagine feeling anything but absolutely himself around you, with a few instances of the nervousness and self-conscious awkwardness that only your gaze could provoke in him, but still surprised, because every time he thought about meeting you again, he was sure your break-up would hang like a sword over your heads, threatening to make every interaction stilted and uncomfortable.

You don’t talk about the break-up. It’s there, somewhere in the air between you, but you don’t call it by its name. And actually, anything that has to do with your relationship, past or present, isn’t mentioned. Jay is too afraid to bring it up in fear of breaking the connection, fragile as it may be, that you’ve reestablished over his first week of being here. Instead, he tells you about the kitchens he worked in, about life in France, about how much better the Seoul metro is than the London underground, and don’t even get him started on the Parisian métro, but he doesn’t tell you about how much he missed you at that time and how he wanted to share every little thing with you but couldn’t. So now, he does: the ridiculously cheap baguettes and pastries, the ridiculously expensive rent, the omnipresence of and accessibility to culture, “and the food, oh my God, the food, you would’ve lost your mind.” You smile at this, a small, sad smile, and Jay regrets everything he’s ever said. He almost says something like, “You deserved it more than I did,” but before he can, you say that that sounds nice.

You tell him that your life hasn’t been as fun as his since leaving culinary school, but he absorbs every detail you give him, no matter how small, and wants nothing more than a step-by-step recap of what you’ve been up to since the last time he saw you. You’ve mostly been running the restaurant, which requires the sort of time and energy your grandmother simply doesn’t have anymore. She thankfully hasn’t had another fall since the first one five years ago, but the toll on her health has been so great that the days where she is both physically and mentally sound enough to help you in the kitchen are fewer and further between. About three years ago, you found someone to hold down the fort while you enrolled at the nearest culinary school and completed the credits you needed to get your Restauranteur’s Certificate. The prestige of that school was nowhere near that of the one in Seoul, and arguably you didn’t even need it, because you wouldn’t be applying to work at restaurants other than Kim’s Kitchen, but it was more of a principle thing and everyone in your family insisted on you getting it. 

“That’s about it, I think,” you say dismissively. If you’ve missed him, you don’t tell him.

It’s not like either of you tries to hide it, but of course, people are quick to notice how often you and Jay are seen together, despite his very recent arrival. Even though you’d complained of it many times when you and Jay dated, the extent to and speed with which gossip spreads in this town comes as a shock to him. It starts with seemingly harmless questions from Heeseung and the three men that work with him. At first, they’re simple questions about himself, where is he from, what did he do before coming here, why did he come here, how is he liking it, does he know anyone—their curiosity knows no bounds. They’re usually unsatisfied with surface-level, one-sentence answers. And just when he thinks they’re satiated, the mere mention of you gets them going again, oh how did the two of you meet, did you get along, did you know she lives here?

When he asks you how he should reply to such inquiries, you instruct him to do as he feels. “Be ready for everyone to be in your business no matter what, but it’ll be even worse if you tell them we dated. I’m used to that kind of talk, but I don’t know how you’ll feel about it. Well, you’ve received media attention, so you know what it’s like.”

Media attention is something of an overstatement. As a kid, he appeared a few times on his dad’s cooking show, and since then, he’s been interviewed for a grand total of three food-centered magazine articles. He can’t say he “knows what it’s like,” because no one has ever cared about his personal life, let alone his love life.

But Jay isn’t a great liar. And while part of him doesn’t want to lie or even omit the truth about your relationship — he’s very proud of having once had the honor of calling you his girlfriend — he also doesn’t want to barge into your hometown and be an annoyance to you. So the first time Heeseung asks him what kind of relationship the two of you had, before he’s had the chance to discuss it with you, he errs on the safe side and says “We were… friends.” But his tone is a dead giveaway, and Heeseung just replies with a dubitative, “Interesting.”

Within days, the word has spread that he’s not just the odd tourist in the off-season. No, this guy is here to stay, the whispers around him seem to say, all polite nods and friendly smiles when he turns to look at them. When he brings it up, you give him a look that says I told you so and remind him not to mind them, that it’ll blow over the minute something else interesting happens.

Except Sojuk-ri is not a place where interesting things abound, especially at the end of September when all the excitement and busyness of summer is slowly fading. And so the braver ones start to show themselves. He’ll be eating at your restaurant, and the people sitting at the tables nearby will engage him in redundant conversations. “The food here is good, right? Y/N is a great cook and a lovely girl. I heard the two of you met at school? What brings you here, if not her?” He has the feeling that making a bad first impression in a place like this would be social suicide, so he answers as cordially as he can, hoping they’ll back off when they realize he won’t be giving them any information they haven’t heard already.

But they don’t. Older gentlemen will be standing arms crossed or hands clasped behind them right in front of his shop, watching as Heeseung and his team work. When he arrives, without fail, they’ll go, “Ah! So you’re Jay. What an unconventional name. And what are you planning on opening here?” He’ll explain that he goes by his English name rather than his Korean one since coming back from living in Seattle as a kid and liking the sound of Jay more than Jongseong. He’ll tell them that he’s turning the old bookstore into a café downstairs, and an apartment for him upstairs. They’ll either wonder out-loud what their town might do with a café, or celebrate the arrival of a new business in the area. “If you sell iced drinks in the summer, you’ll make a ton of money!” they’ll say with a big smile and a slightly-too-harsh tap to his shoulder.

Their female counterparts aren’t much better. When the weather allows it, they gather under the gazebo, sharing snacks and trading gossip—Just like on TV, Jay thinks the first time he sees them like this. If he happens to pass them by, one of them will stop him, a stranger calling his name with unsettling familiarity, and wave him over. Something about them tells him it’ll do him no good to ignore them. And truthfully, he quickly comes to not mind and even enjoy these encounters; it’s only a matter of getting used to their overbearing nosiness. They want to know all the basic stuff, of course, where’re you from, what’re you doing here, what’s your relationship with Y/N, but it’s the juicier details they ooh and ahh at, what do your parents do, oh, poor thing, how did she die, is that why you moved here, and anyways what’s your relationship with our Y/N? Of course, they don’t buy it that the two of you never dated: from his reddening cheeks to his loss of composure, anyone with two eyes and their head screwed on right can tell that saying, “We were good friends,” is one hell of an understatement. Embarrassingly quickly, he buckles under the pressure. They coax the truth out of him with persistent questions and persimmon slices.

“I guess we did date for a little bit,” he admits the second time one of these run-ins happens.

“Ah, see! We knew you weren’t telling us everything. And how long were you together?”

“Six months,” he mumbles, hiding his shy smile behind the cup of barley tea they’d poured him. To these women who have been married for as long as or even longer than he’s been alive, six months must be laughable. But to Jay, those six months were never topped—in intensity, happiness, or length.

They collectively ‘aw’ at him, expressions of endearment — and pity, Jay thinks — on their faces. “You’re still in love with her, aren’t you?” one of them asks, more a statement than a question. He looks down at the cup, warm in his hands, smile faltering. In their eyes, he seems to turn from a cute, excitable puppy, into a pitiful one. “It’s okay!” they reassure him. “You’re here now, you can get her back. She hasn’t dated anyone since she’s come back from Seoul, you know!” 

He only manages to create a believable lie when they ask how things ended. “It was a mutual decision. She had to move back here to help out at the restaurant, I was going to Paris, it would’ve been too hard to stay together while we were so far apart.”

When he says he has to go, they don’t hold him back.

Unfortunately for Jay, the seventeen-year-olds are as interested in his love life as the seventy-year-olds. He’s scouring through the ‘1 paperback for 1000 won’ section outside of the second-hand bookstore when he hears them. Giggles, at first. Then hushed whispers, light slaps on arms, “You go talk to him,” “No, you go.” Approaching footsteps. A finger taps his shoulder twice, someone clears their throat behind him, and he turns around, expecting the worst. It comes in the form of a young girl, still in her school uniform.

“Yes?” he says, as politely as he can despite his frustration growing at the prospect of repeating the same conversation he’s been having for the past week. The girl, Yewon, if the name tag on her navy blazer speaks the truth, seems to forget what she meant to say, and just stares at Jay wide-eyed for a few unbearably awkward seconds. Her two friends have stayed behind, some feet away from her and Jay, and it takes one of them yelling “C’mon!” for her to remember what she came here for.

“Um, you’re Jay, right?”

“I am, yes.”

“And you used to be Y/N-unnie’s boyfriend?” It’s asked with such a perfect mix of straightforwardness and clumsiness that Jay can’t help but smile.

“Indeed.”

Her eyes widen again and she whips her head backwards, nodding frantically at her friends who gasp and slap each other’s arms. “And do you have a girlfriend right now?”

“No, I don’t.”

“So, are you and Y/N-unnie going to date again?”

That takes him longer to answer. “I don’t know. This is the first time we’ve seen each other in five years.”

For approximately three seconds, Yewon looks like she’s never heard more crushing news. Then, her features return to normal, and she says, “Okay! Thanks, bye,” and runs back to her friends, three black heads walking away as they whisper conspiratorially to themselves. Jay isn’t sure what to do with himself for a few moments afterwards.

But the most embarrassing of these moments by far is when his landlady shows up at his door one late afternoon, behind her two women with eyes exactly like yours beaming right at him. “I have friends who’d like to meet you,” she exclaims, and walks in without Jay’s invitation. It is her house, after all. “I’ll prepare some tea!”

While she busies herself in the small kitchen, the two women step inside. The younger one shakes his hand vigorously, a huge smile on her face as she introduces herself as Mrs. Ryu, your mother, and the other woman as Mrs. Kim, of Kim’s Kitchen fame, your grandmother, who just bows her head politely, smiling serenely. Quickly recovering from the shock of three women, two of them strangers, appearing at his doorstep, he bows back, bending from the waist, then shows them to the living room. He hands them cushions to sit down, awkwardly waiting for one of them to say something as he settles across the coffee table from them. Your grandmother just looks out of the window, peaceful as ever, while your mother asks question after question, the same ones as everyone else, and nods at every answer he gives, like they’re a confirmation of what she already knows, like she just wants to hear it for herself. The way her eyes never once leave his makes him doubt whether she has some sort of mind-reading, lie-detecting ability. 

Jay prides himself in his capacity to adapt to any situation, to just go with the flow and make others feel easy around him—but this is too much, even for him. He doesn’t know what to say, where to look, what to do with his hands. Before he himself knows what he’s doing, he stands up and excuses himself to the bathroom. He locks the door behind him, looks at his reflection in the mirror, hoping it’ll give him an answer as to what the fuck is happening, to no avail. He texts you instead, and is surprised when you answer right away.

Jay Hey

Your mother and grandmother are at my apartment?

Y/N Are you asking or telling me this?

Jay Both

Y/N Lol

That’s what you get for going around town telling everyone we used to be together

I had to have an awkward convo with them yesterday, your turn now

Good luck!

Jay Aren’t you going to help me out?

Y/N Nope

:) 

So that’s useless. He was hoping you’d tell him why they had come to see him or whether there were things he shouldn’t say, but all you’ve done is let him know an “awkward convo” was on the way. When he comes back to the living room, your mother is still looking at him expectantly, only tearing her gaze away from him to thank Mrs. Yoon for pouring her a cup of steaming green tea.

“Jay, you’ve always lived in big cities, haven’t you?” Mrs. Yoon asks as he takes a seat next to her. When he nods, she smiles compassionately. “You must not be used to this kind of attention. I hope no one’s offended you.”

He chuckles. Not used to it is one way to put it. “It’s definitely been… surprising.”

Your mother and Mrs. Yoon laugh. Your grandmother smiles, and her features are so similar to yours that Jay feels like he gets a glimpse into the future for a millisecond. “This is just our way of welcoming you,” Mrs. Yoon explains. “Newcomers are rare around here… Old-timers like us, we’re used to knowing people your age from the moment you’re born. I know it might seem overbearing, but we can’t help but be curious about you.”

“Especially when it turns out that you know my daughter quite well,” Mrs. Ryu says, a knowing glint in her eyes as she peers at Jay over her teacup. His tea goes down the wrong pipe. His guests laugh as he does his best not to spit liquid all over them. “I’m not here to admonish you, Jay, if that’s what you’re scared of. Or lecture you, or anything of the sort.” She puts her cup down with a sigh. “Y/N has always told me about everything going on in her life. When my children were growing up, I made sure to be someone they could always come to to talk about anything, good or bad. It’s worked out to varying degrees between the three of them, but Y/N has never been one to hide things from me.” Here, she gives Jay a look he can’t quite decipher. “And yet, I only really learned about you yesterday.”

Today is nothing but surprises for Jay. He knows how close you are to your mother—he remembers the frequent calls you’d make to her, the way you’d mention her as often as you would any friend, the way you’d always say, “I’ll just ask my mom about it,” whenever you encountered a problem, no matter how big or small. It doesn’t make sense that she wasn’t aware you had dated someone for six months.

“I thought you knew Y/N had a… a boyfriend in Seoul,” he says, feeling oddly uneasy referring to himself that way in front of your mother.

“Oh, I did, I did. Don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten that she made you say hello a few times on the phone,” she says, laughing. The amusement on her face quickly fades, however. “But things haven’t been quite the same since she came back. Of course, everything happened so quickly back then, and we were all so worried, it just wasn’t the time to talk about relationships.” She turns her head to Mrs. Kim, takes her hand between both of hers, and your grandmother closes her eyes, her lips stretched in that calm, unwavering smile. Jay wonders whether she’s been listening to the conversation at all. “She was… She was sad. And not just because her grandma was injured and she had to leave school, I could tell. It was a difficult time for her. I should’ve been there more.”

“Don’t blame yourself, Seokja,” Mrs. Yoon chimes in. “You had to take care of your mother.” Your grandmother opens her eyes and smiles at her daughter.

“I know. It wasn’t easy for any of us, that’s true. We all had a lot on our shoulders, but I think Y/N took the brunt of it. And she never complained. Well, now she does, but she never did back then. Anyways, it took me a month to realize that something else was going on with her, why she seemed so… listless. It was only when I asked that I learned you two had broken up. She wasn’t even answering her friend’s call, Sumin, I think her name was?”

Jay doesn’t want to hear this. He knows your mother means no harm, but your unhappiness after the break-up is the last thing he wants to talk about this morning, or ever, really. Because of course, it brings him right back to his own unhappiness back then, nesting itself in every last crevice of his body and soul, reminding him of how it made every day feel the same, every food bland, every color dull. Even before he arrived here and saw you, it’s been a committed effort of his not to think of that period of his life, not to reopen the wounds that have taken so long to heal. What’s the point? He doesn’t want for one unfortunate event to taint his memories of your time together. He wants to remember the feeling of making you laugh, the sight of you in the morning, all dishevelled hair and warm skin under the sheets, the sound of your humming while you cooked. Your break-up he locked up in a box and pushed all the way to the back of the closet, only reopening it late at night when melancholy comes in sleep’s stead.

He has forbidden himself, and he’s done his very best at it, to think of how you were feeling. Naturally, he was dying to know how you were—doing as awfully as him, or letting life go on as if nothing happened? Did images of him appear in your head at random times of your day, memories you thought forgotten suddenly resurfacing, or did he never cross your mind? All these questions and uncertainties only hurt him more. He texted you once, a week after you left. A simple How are you?, forever unanswered, because you blocked him immediately. His phone number, all his social media, everything. He didn’t try, but he assumed he wouldn’t even be able to contact you by email. And so, for the five years that followed, he tried to limit his thoughts of you to moments you had really shared, to focus on the tangible rather than the imagined. It stung too, of course, but somewhat less.

She was sad. Listless. In just a few words, your mom has undone all of his efforts.

“Back then, all she told me was that you weren’t together anymore. I tried asking her once more later, but she reacted so badly that I never mentioned it again. All that to say, the town gossip made its way to us, and it’s only yesterday that she told us everything that happened.” He looks down at the contents of his teacup. “Oh, Jay,” she says, letting go of her mother’s hand to grab his. Jay is mortified to feel tears pooling in his eyes at the unexpected gesture. At least now he knows who you get your empathy and kindness from. “I know this is not a fun conversation to have. And I know it must’ve been hard for you, too.” 

He nods, dropping his head even further down. She pats the back of his hand.

“It hasn’t been easy, no. But… I’m happy I get to see her again.”

Your mother mirrors his small smile. “I think she is, too,” she whispers, and he can tell she means it. He dares to believe it’s the truth—the opposite would be too painful.

“I found her crying in the kitchen the day she saw you for the first time,” your grandma says. So she was listening this whole time.

“Mom!” Mrs. Ryu exclaims just as Jay echoes, “Crying?”

“Oh, they weren’t sad tears. I don’t think so, at least. I think she was just shocked. Overcome with emotion, if you will,” she explains, addressing Jay a polite smile. “And this kind of emotion means something, don’t you think?”

The three women look at him like they know something he doesn’t.

It’s a lot to process at once. In the past five years, he’s been realistic enough to not delude himself into thinking you were either crying yourself to sleep every night since the break-up or not sparing him a single thought. He knew, or in some ways hoped, at least, that you were dealing with it like him: that there were good and bad days, that you wished things could’ve ended some other way, or not at all, but that you mostly tried to look at what was to come rather than what was left behind. 

And today, on an otherwise peaceful Saturday morning, he’s gotten the confirmation that you suffered. That it wasn’t easy then, that there seem to be unresolved feelings now. What is Jay meant to do with this knowledge? It doesn’t make him happy. He could never be happy knowing you were, or are, in pain. Part of his ego might be comforted in knowing he wasn’t alone in his pain, but the bigger part of him that still longs for you would rather you forget about him and move on than hold onto him and hurt.

He doesn’t know what to say, so he stays quiet, takes a sip of the bitter, over-brewed tea. This doesn’t seem to bother his guests.

The silence doesn’t last long—four heads whip in the direction of the door as it creaks open. “Mom, Grandma, keep this behavior up and I’m sticking you both in the retirement home. Don’t count on me to take care of you,” you say as you walk into the apartment without so much as a knock. Relief washes over Jay as he watches you take your shoes off and make your way to the living room, meeting his eyes and shaking your head as if to apologize for your forebears. Your grandma contents herself with closing her eyes again and turning towards the window, letting the sunlight hit her face, a smile on her lips. If being old means you get to check out of conversations at any given moment without appearing rude, Jay doesn’t much mind aging. 

“I’m not of retiring age yet, honey. We’ll talk about that later,” your mom says. “Plus, we weren’t doing anything wrong, just… getting to know our new neighbor. Isn’t that right, Jay?”

“We live across town, we’re not neighbors,” you say before Jay can reply.

“Please, everyone in this town is a neighbor.”

Jay is happy to fall back and watch you and your mother’s back-and-forth, with interferences from Mrs. Yoon here and there. You’re here; you came. Jay really thought you were going to leave him alone in this, but here you are in the flesh—why? To make sure your mother wouldn’t reveal something embarrassing about you, as if anything anyone said could change his opinion of you? Or perhaps, to protect him in some way, to tell him, If we’re going to do this, we’re going to do it together?

He meets your gaze from across the table. It lasts just a fraction of a second, but there’s a glint in your eyes, something like the complicity he thought he’d lost all those years ago. He allows himself to think you’re here for him.

You manage to shift the topic of the conversation away from you and Jay, and he feels like he can breathe properly again. There wasn’t that interrogation-like quality that sometimes comes with meeting the family to his discussion with your mother and grandmother, but he is glad nonetheless to not be the subject at hand anymore, and can talk more freely now that every word directed at him doesn’t feel like added weight on his shoulders.

Fifteen minutes later, there isn’t a drop left in the teapot and the conversation naturally comes to an end. Your mother looks around at everyone and, with a smile, says, “Well, I think we’ve inconvenienced you enough, Jay. Sorry for bursting in like this again.”

“It’s all good,” he replies, and means it.

“You should come around for dinner soon, okay?”

“I will, thank you.”

A few more niceties in this vein are exchanged, Mrs. Yoon says she will drop off some side dishes for him sometime during the week, as if he is a starving, overworked college student and not a classically trained chef. Your grandmother tells him she’ll go check that “the boys are doing a good job fixing up your café.” 

You stay behind. Jay doesn’t know if the three women are exceptionally good at reading the room, or if he missed some silent signal of understanding between you and them, but they don’t question your not following them. The sudden quietness makes Jay feel like a giant in a too-small space, a room that can’t possibly contain the two of you.

And yet. You sigh and head back to the living room, going for the couch rather than the cushions on the floor, but Jay can’t bring himself to join you, and so sits back at the same spot from earlier.

“Seriously, Jay?” you say, chuckling, but he detects an actual trace of annoyance in your voice. Unable to hide your thoughts as always. You pat a spot on the couch next to you. “Come here.”

But Jay doesn’t move. Can’t. All he can do when he looks at you is search for traces of grief. He had five years to work out all of his feelings around your breakup, and he thought he had sorted through everything, gone through all the phases. Seeing you again, he feels like he has to start over. The past week hasn’t felt real, he thinks. He thinks it so hard, he says it out loud, only realizing what he did when he sees your expression soften.

“It’s been weird, hasn’t it?”

“Weird is one way to put it, yeah.”

There’s a pause, during which he spends every second worrying about what sort of turn this conversation will take.

“Is this a good time to talk about the elephant in the room, then?” you finally say.

He looks around, eyebrows furrowed with worry. “There’s an elephant in this room?!” he whispers.

You burst into laughter. “I see your humor hasn’t improved over time.”

“Seeing as you’re laughing, I’d say yours hasn’t, either.”

“Touché.”

Silence settles between the two of you again, creeps inside Jay, makes him wait for your next words with bated breath. 

He had a feeling that all the skirting around the subject you’d been doing would come to this. It’s not that you’re pretending it didn’t happen, that would be impossible, for him, at least—he looks at you and he’s transported back to Seoul five years ago, at school, in one of your apartments, in the streets after dark. But you haven’t been actively tackling it either and with every passing day, the weight of unspoken words grows, making every conversation, every look at you harder and harder to navigate. This is new for the two of you, who in your six months of being together, had mastered the art of communicating—you never didn’t speak to each other. You especially were good at saying what was on your mind without ever being hurtful, and you’d helped Jay stop bottling his feelings up when he thought he could get over them himself and not have to trouble you with them.

Nothing you say could ever burden me, baby, you’d told him. I want to know everything that goes through your head. 

And many things have changed since then, but maybe this hasn’t—the look you have in your eyes now is the same one as then, soft and inviting, aware that conversations aren’t always as easy as they are necessary. 

“You’re here,” you say after some time. Jay was so caught up in his own thoughts, entire minutes could’ve passed without his noticing. You spoke so quietly, he wonders if he imagined it until you add, “You’re in Sojuk-ri.”

He smiles, stops himself from replying with something annoying like What an astute observation, Y/N, it would only be stalling. So, for lack of a better alternative, and because he assumes you have more to say, he whispers, “I am.”

“We used to date.”

Jay isn’t sure where you’re going with this. He nods, unable to suppress a grin. “We did, yeah,” he replies, louder this time.

“Then I broke up with you.”

A chuckle escapes his lips. “You’re on fire this morning,” he says, because he can’t help himself, and warmth envelops his heart at the sound of your laughter.

“I just want to recontextualise.”

“Woah, big words.”

“Big word, singular. And shut up. I’m trying to be serious, here,” you chide, still smiling.

“Sorry.”

A sudden shadow passes over your face, making your eyebrows furrow, your smile disappear. Jay’s heart drops, his feelings, as always, a mirror of yours. You rise from your seat on the couch and make your way to him. Every step you take echoes inside of him and grows louder as the distance separating you decreases. Then you’re standing in front of him, and he looks up at you, and there’s something like a magnet under his skin, desperately reaching out for yours, that makes his hand wrap around your ankle. His eyes stay trained on your face as you lower yourself to the ground and cross your legs. If you mind his touch, you don’t say or show it. 

“You’re right, it doesn’t feel real,” you say. Your eyes sweep his face, focus on one part at a time. You simply stare at him for a moment as though trying to convince yourself that it is, indeed, real, that he is really there, not a figment of your imagination but a person whose flesh and bones used to be as familiar as your own. He lets you look to your heart’s content, because it allows him to look at you, too.

His loose grip around your ankle tightens ever so slightly and you look down at his hand as if suddenly noticing its presence there. After a second of what seems to Jay like hesitation, you place your hand atop his. “Would you still have moved here if you knew this was where I lived?”

“I would’ve come here years ago, if I knew,” he says with a small smile.

You furrow your eyebrows. “You didn’t even try calling.”

This takes him aback. Was that what you’d wanted? “I texted you, and you blocked me right away.”

The crease between your brows deepens. “I know.”

“You also didn’t try calling.”

“I sent you a letter.”

For some reason, it astonishes Jay that in all of five years, communication between the two of you amounted to one unanswered text and a letter with no return address. “You did. That was nice of you.”

Finally, this gets a smile, albeit subdued, out of you. “I know.”

“If I’d managed to call you somehow, would you have picked up?”

“Yes,” you say immediately. Then, “No. I don’t know.” Then, in a smaller voice, “It hurts too much to think about the other ways it could’ve gone. The better ways.”

Jay sighs, tucking a stray strand of hair behind your ear. “Then let’s not think about them. It won’t do us any good.”

Your eyes meet. The sadness in yours tugs at his heartstrings. “Are you mad at me?” you ask, the tremble in your voice making it sound like you’re on the verge of crying, and it’s all Jay can do not to take you in his arms and hold you tight against his chest.

“No. Not at all,” he says, and he hopes his tone alone is enough to convince you. 

The magnet under his skin is uncontrollable. It raises Jay’s hand from where it was resting on your shoulder to your face, makes it cup your cheek, makes his thumb swipe slowly across your skin, right where tears are threatening to fall, as if preventing them.

“I tried being mad at you,” he says. “I tried a bunch of emotions. Sadness. Indifference. Nostalgia. But anger made things so much worse. It didn’t feel right, because I’d never been angry with you before. And it felt… It felt like admitting things could’ve gone differently. It felt like grieving a version of us that never existed because it never got the chance to. I decided to focus on the actual memories we had, and remember them fondly, instead of wasting my energy on being angry.”

A single tear falls from your right eye, wetting the top of Jay’s thumb. “I understand why you did what you did, Y/N,” he continues. “You had your reasons. You handled everything the best you could. It hurt like hell, but I can’t be mad at you for that.”

Jay doesn’t have to hold himself back from embracing you; you do it for him. Arms wound tightly around his neck, face in the crook of his neck, you quite literally cry on his shoulder. He hadn’t realized how close he himself was to crying until tears start falling freely from his eyes, mouth trembling as they gather at his jaw before dropping down the back of your t-shirt. Between sobs, you say, “I’m sorry. Even if you aren’t angry, I’m so sorry, Jay.”

He has never expected anything from you, least of all an apology. Yet hearing those words heals some of the fissures in his heart, puts the pieces back together like superglue. He doesn’t need or want a repeat of your break-up conversation, and he doubts you do. He doesn’t want to hear how staying together wouldn’t have been a possibility, how you’d both have too much going on, how you were too young to hold each other back, how the distance between France and South Korea was too substantial to dismiss.

He wraps his arms around your waist and brings you closer to him. Closing his eyes and trying not to let your proximity overwhelm him, he strokes your hair, rubs your back, tells you it’s all okay. “Don’t apologize, baby,” he says, the nickname unwittingly slipping from his lips. “We’re here now, that’s all that matters, isn’t it?” He feels you nod against his shoulder, but your sobs don’t relent.

Would it be very wrong if Jay said he missed having you like this? Of course, he hates to see you unhappy, but there’s a part of him that has always been endeared by the sight of you crying. If he could, he'd destroy whatever's upsetting you in a heartbeat, but at the same time, he can't help but selfishly rejoice in the fact that it's him you go to for comfort. It’s in his arms that you find what it is you need to get over what’s troubling you; under his touch that you slowly calm down.

He doesn’t know how long the two of you stay like this, nor does he care, but at some point, you lean back and take a deep, stabilising breath. Jay feels a page turn when your eyes meet—there might be no way to change the past, but the future is a blank canvas, the cursor at the start of a new document, and it’s up to the two of you how you want to write it.

You smile, and so does he. “I missed you,” you say.

“I missed you, too.”

There are more things to be said, but you’re both talked out. You have so much time ahead of you anyway.

.

.

The party started an hour ago, and Jay wants to leave already.

Not because it’s boring, the music bad, the conversation dull—not at all. If anything, this is a good party. One of the more fun ones he’s been to. On a regular day, he’d have no intention to leave until the early hours of the morning. But this isn’t a regular day, because you’re here, and somehow look prettier than you ever have before. Jay doesn’t know what it is—your hair, your outfit, your makeup, or maybe you’re secretly a witch able to cast beauty spells that work on already unfairly beautiful people such as yourself. He can’t stop looking at you, can’t stop searching for you in every room he walks into, and he tells himself that it’s because there really is something different about you tonight, ignoring the voice at the back of his mind telling him to quit finding excuses. 

He finds you in the kitchen pouring yourself a drink, on your own for the first time tonight. “Hey,” he says when he’s close enough for you to hear him. He stands next to you at the kitchen counter. You look at him, smile, and return his greeting, in a small voice that he likes to think is intimate. Instead of loudly talking over the loud music like everyone else, you lean into each other and speak in low tones.

“I’m glad to see you,” you say.

“Me too,” he says, a grin he can’t suppress on his lips. “Any particular reason?”

You look around the room. “Just… this week was a lot, and I thought a crowded party like this was what I needed, but it turns out I was wrong. I’m way too tired to socialize with people I barely know. It’s nice to see a familiar face.”

As much as he likes to distance himself from most of his peers, at the end of the day, Jay, too, is just a man. A lot of his bedtime scenarios with you revolve around being your knight in shining armor in one way or another. Were they usually more dramatic than saving you from a tiring party? Yes, especially if he’d watched a superhero movie that evening. Nevertheless, he sees his chance, and couldn’t be quicker to grab it. “Do you wanna get out of here?”

The rest of the evening feels like a movie. Jay thinks that when he looks back to this moment, he’ll remember it as slightly fuzzy around the edges, like the two beers he had during the party gave a delightful haziness to the rest of his night. He feels light-headed just looking at you.

After quickly thanking and saying goodbye to the host, a classmate of yours who’s drunk enough not to be suspicious of your leaving together at ten pm, you walk around the streets of Seoul. The sky above you is dark and starless, but the many restaurant, bar and shop signs are so brightly lit it might as well be the middle of the day. There are about as many people as you would expect on a Saturday night in Hongdae, but Jay likes being there with you, feeling as happy as the smiling partygoers around him look, guiding you through the crowd with a hand on your lower back. You eventually reach the Han River, content to laugh at each other’s silly anecdotes and talk about a myriad of topics until hunger gets the best of you and you settle on finding the nearest fried chicken shop.

You’re both quieter as you eat—you jokingly remark that the two of you must’ve been really hungry, but Jay has something else on his mind. He tries not to stare at you too openly, but it’s a struggle: when the thing that’s been at the center of all your thoughts for the past few weeks is sitting right in front of you, it’s hard to do anything other than look at it.

It isn’t especially hard to know how you feel. Unless Jay likes you so much that he’s deluded himself into thinking the sentiment was reciprocated, he really doesn’t think you are immune to him. He’s made sure not to fall into the trap of ‘she isn’t into you, she’s just nice’ by paying attention to the small things: the smile that you try in vain to suppress whenever he compliments you, the way you stand closer than necessary when you work together in his or your kitchen, the small, innocent touches to his arm that linger, especially when you’ve had a couple of drinks. He doesn’t assume you’re in love with him because you laughed at a joke he made once. Rather, he’s observed, compared, spent hours sitting on his couch, looking into the distance, analysing. He’s come to the conclusion that you won’t slap him in the face and kick him in the balls if he makes a move.

At least, he really, really hopes so.

He pays for the food and you head out together, both seemingly more contemplative and lost in your thoughts than when you came in earlier. Without a word, you start walking in the direction of the subway station, and after a minute or two of intense self-pep-talking, Jay finally manages to take your hand in his. You react to his touch immediately, fingers interlacing with his with all the ease in the world. It’s near destabilising, how naturally your hands seem to fit together. For the rest of the way, the two of you exchange glances and smiles, and Jay almost runs into passersby and poles every fifty meters. 

The next train arrives in five minutes. Jay keeps your hand in his as he turns to face you, and you mirror him, gently swinging your arms back-and-forth between your bodies. You look down at them, smiling, while he keeps his gaze trained on your face, smiling, too. He can’t see himself, but if he could, he’s sure the unbridled affection he’s currently feeling for you would be evident in his features. His heart is overflowing with unfamiliar but somehow comforting emotion, and he feels, at this moment, to a disconcerting degree of certainty, that he will never love someone quite as much as he loves you.

Three words burn the tip of his tongue, and he’s desperate to do something, anything, really, that will make you see how his entire being aches for you. But with your hand in his, he feels paralyzed, like a cat has fallen asleep in his lap and the slightest movement will wake it up. All he can do is stand there and control his breathing, a task that becomes complicated when you look up at him, a sheepish smile on your lips.

“Do you wanna come over for ramen?” you ask, voice a mere whisper, keeping your conversation private amidst the busy subway station. You just ate, so he isn’t particularly hungry, but he has an inkling you aren’t really offering ramen.

Jay doesn’t know what he expected, but it certainly wasn’t for you to drop the facade the moment he steps inside your apartment. You don’t even give him the time to shrug his coat off or rid himself of his shoes, and you certainly don’t pretend like you’re going to prepare some ramen—the second the door closes behind him, you turn around, grab his face in your hands, and press your lips to his. Just like with your hands earlier, his body reacts to you before he can even comprehend it. Maybe it’s because he's imagined this moment so many times, reality has become indiscernible from his daydreams, and he knows exactly what to do; he’d rather think it’s because the two of you are meant for each other. 

His eyes close and his palms rise to meet the dip of your waist, pulling you towards him with such unintentional intensity that the two of you stumble backwards until his back hits your door. You press your body against his, stomach to stomach, chest to chest, mouths never straying apart, but it’s somehow not enough, and he wraps his arms around you in a futile attempt to meld your bodies to each other.

You stand there for who knows how long, Jay has better things to do than count the seconds, but long enough for your stillness — only your lips have been moving — to make the sensory light of your entryway turn off, leaving you in darkness. This seems to pull you out of your trance, and centimeter by centimeter, you lean back, gaze riveted on Jay’s lips, then his eyes. They meet only momentarily. Your arms were wrapped around his neck, and now, stepping back once, you let your palms glide over the length of his arms until they reach his hands. You keep them there as you look down at the ground.

“Sorry,” you say, and Jay can’t find a single reason on Earth why you should be apologising. “I thought that if I didn’t do that now, I’d never find the courage to.”

He smiles, and, taken by a sudden surge of confidence, raises a hand to cup your face and make you look at him. “I’m glad you did.” He bends down to trap your lips in another kiss, softer this time, slower, because now that he knows you won’t slip through his fingers like sand, he wants to take his time. 

He hopes he’s not being too cheeky when he asks, “Where’s your bedroom?”, each word whispered against your lips. To his great relief, you don’t seem to find him impertinent, smiling as you lead him to your room.

Something stops him on the threshold while you turn on the lamp on your bedside table. The room is bathed in a warm, golden glow, and the light reflects perfectly on your bare skin as you lift your sweater over your head, leaving your top half covered by nothing but a bra. Jay doesn’t mean to stare, but he does—the mere sight of you has him breathing heavily, his muscles contracting in anticipation. Nothing outside of this room is of any importance to him in this moment—only this is, only you are. He walks towards you, more single-minded than he’s ever been.

One hand on your lower back, the other cupping the side of your face, he stands close enough to feel your rugged breath against his lips, but doesn’t lean in any further, simply taking the time to look at you. The unbridled lust in your eyes, your agape mouth—he knows he’s the one making you feel this way but can’t bring himself to believe it. “You’re beautiful,” he whispers, because he means it, and it’s all he can think of. How beautiful you are. How you’re letting him, of all people, see this side of you.

Your mouth closes into a smile. “Can you just kiss me, please?” you ask, and Jay doesn’t need to be told twice. He gets the message—no more dilly-dallying.

As your lips meet again and fall into a slow, sensuous rhythm that has Jay’s heart beating uncontrollably hard, your hands find purchase in the fabric at the bottom of his sweater. You don’t want to be the only one half-naked, it seems, and when Jay obligingly gets rid of his sweater, you tug at the remaining black sleeveless tank on his upper body. He laughs and says, “Don’t worry, this can come off too.”

Something in your eyes makes Jay laugh again when he takes it off, his torso now on full display. Your smile is so genuine, like you’re just happy to be here, to see him like this. It’s surprisingly innocent for a moment like this. He feels a little self-conscious at your unabashed staring, but tries not to mind it. If you like it, he likes it—all he can do is hope his efforts in the gym haven’t been for naught. Still grinning, you exhale a slow, shaky breath, and say, “Okay.”

“Okay?”

You nod. “Mh-hm.”

Like magnets your lips find each others’ once more. Jay makes you step backwards until the back of your legs hit your bed, and, propping one knee on your mattress to stabilize himself, lowers you down onto it. Hovering over you, he breaks away to look at you, in search of a sign that you’re okay with this, and the sheer want and trust in your eyes reassure him that this is more than okay, and actually, can he get on with it please.

He lets you set the pace. You kiss him with a feverish sort of intensity that he is more than happy to return. He focuses only on the feeling of your lips moving against his, because if he lets himself be distracted by anything else — your hands tugging at his hair, your breasts pushing up against him, your hips bucking ever-so-slightly into his — he’s scared he’ll lose total control over himself. What that would entail, he isn’t sure, and doesn’t care to find out, not right now at least, not for your first time together. 

He breaks away to let you both catch your breath. One hand firmly holding you by the hip, the other on the side of your neck, thumb brushing up-and-down your throat, a barely-there pressure, he presses kisses to your jaw, your ear, your neck. A small hum escapes your lips when he reaches a spot in the crook of your shoulder, and he doubles down there, biting and sucking on your skin hard enough to leave a mark, the sound of your soft moans drowning out everything else.

“Jay, please,” you whisper. This makes all the blood in his body gather in one spot, and for the first time since arriving at your apartment, he realizes just how much he’s straining against his trousers. You seem to notice this too, and, looking him straight in the eyes, place a hand on his bulge, then repeat, “Please.”

Jay thinks he might pass out.

That simple touch of yours, as well as the knowledge that you want this as badly as he does, has his entire body screaming out for yours. But he’s barely started, and perhaps he’s a more patient person than you are, because he doesn’t want to give in just yet. The word “please” sounds too good on your lips, and he wants to hear it over and over again, just for that confirmation that he is the only one who can provide you with what you need.

“Okay, baby,” he says, but gently takes your hand off of him, placing it on his shoulder instead. 

Then he starts making his way down. A kiss to the side of your chin first, then your throat, then your collarbone. Slow hands on your warm skin, he reaches behind your back to unhook your bra, and you arch slightly to grant him easier access. He has to take another stabilising breath when your upper body is fully revealed to him, but you squirm, grip on his shoulder tightening, and he concedes not to take things too slow.

It feels like everything that’s happened in his life has led to this—a grand, elaborate scheme just to hear the gasp torn from your throat when his lips wrap around one of your nipples. He’d smile with unbridled pride if he wasn’t so wholly concentrated on the task at hand. He drinks in every satisfied sound you make, savours the feeling of your nails digging into his skin, makes a note of every little thing that has you arching your back in a desperate attempt to get closer to him.

You whine when one of his hands trails up the inside of your thighs, slowly but surely approaching where you need him the most, although never quite making it there. He tells himself that one day, he’ll drag this out, just to see how long he can withhold it from you, how long it would take before you start begging. But right now, he needs it as urgently as you do.

You’re warm and damp against his palm. Your hips seem to move of their own accord in the search for even the slightest of friction—Jay doesn’t know what he’s done to deserve this, to deserve you, but he knows that he’ll do everything to keep it. 

It’s far too easy to reach underneath your short black skirt, hook his fingers under the waistband of your tights, and pull them down along with your panties. Your lace panties, Jay notices, which match your bra, and he is reminded of a party during his last year of high school when Bang Yedam, a friend of his at the time, newly self-appointed sex expert since he’d lost his virginity at summer camp three months ago, had drunkenly assured him: “If a girl is wearing a matching set of underwear when you hook up, you didn’t fuck her. She fucked you.” Jay had nodded like it was gospel. Now, hovering over your half-naked figure in your bed, he smiles to himself. He thinks of you getting ready for this party, and maybe it was a coincidence, and you just liked wearing matching underwear, but maybe, just maybe, you’d worn this in the chance that he might see it. You’d worn it because you wanted him to see it.

With that thought in mind, he finds the sweet spot in the crook of your neck again, pressing kisses there as he slides two fingers between your folds. He shouldn’t be so surprised to find you so completely and utterly soaked—if your jagged breathing and increasingly louder whines weren’t enough, then this is the physical confirmation that you want him just as badly as he wants you. “You’re wet,” he whispers, lips moving against your jawline. He doesn’t mean to tease, he’s just so astonished, so in awe that he’s able to get you like this, that he can’t help but speak the words out loud.

You try to hide your face behind your forearm, but his free hand is quick to guide it away. “Whose fault is that?” you mumble, attitude immediately fading away when he presses the pads of his fingers to your clit and starts to draw slow, regular circles.

He can’t explain the feelings that overcome him. Watching your eyebrows furrow, your cheeks glow, hearing your breathing and your moans get louder, feeling your hands grabbing at him and pulling him impossibly closer—he feels all of your pleasure like it’s his own. Of course, when he’s had sex before, his partner’s pleasure was always as, if not more important than his own, but this, this is something else. He wants to give you this forever. He wants to give you everything he has. 

He slips a finger inside of you, and you whimper out his name, and he wants to die. You take it in so easily that he’s able to add a second one just moments later. Your fingernails dig into the skin of his bicep as he continues to press kisses to your neck, fingers repeatedly grazing a spot deep inside that has you clenching around them. The pitch of your moans change, higher, whinier, your hips buck upwards without you seeming to even realize it, and it dawns upon Jay that he’s about to give you an orgasm for the first time ever. He’ll be damned if the mere thought isn’t enough to make him come, too.

And then, just as he’s sure that you’re on the brink of coming undone on his fingers, you grab his wrist and pull it away from you. He’s hurt you, or he read you completely wrong and you were hating every second of it, or—

“I want you.”

He’s confused. You just had him. He was knuckles deep inside of you. “But-”

“Jay. I want you,” you repeat, hooking your fingers around his belt loops.

Oh.

“Are you sure?” he asks, because it’s always good to ask, but also because he finds himself almost wishing you’ll say no. He knows that he’ll last an embarrassingly short amount of time once inside you, and he feels like he’s doing a good job so far and doesn’t want to taint it. 

But you just laugh, start to undo his belt, his trouser button. He lets it happen, focuses on his breathing instead. “I’m very sure. There are condoms in the first drawer,” you say, nodding your head towards the bedside table. 

Jay tries to be normal as he finds said condoms and strips; meanwhile, you readjust yourself on the bed so that your head rests on the pillows. You look at his face, smile, then look downwards, watch him put the condom on, and smile harder. He would usually feel so self-conscious at this point, like he’s being evaluated, but you make him feel like he has nothing to worry about.

Your body looks lazy on your mattress, one hand on your stomach, the other next to your head; one leg resting, one hiked up. A work of art is what you are, Jay thinks. And you’re waiting for him, an angelic look on your face that makes him want to do the most sinful things to you. He repositions himself on top of you, propping himself up on his forearms, kisses you to calm himself down, but it’s no use. You wrap your hand around him, pump him a few times, rub the tip of his cock against your clit. That alone has a deep grunt escaping his throat—he really won’t last long.

Then finally, you align his head with your entrance, and he pushes in, both of you immediately gasping at the overwhelming feeling of being united like this. Your voice is strained when you tell him to go slow, and you claw at his back as he makes his way inside of you, inch by inch. Jay hopes you’ll leave marks for him to find tomorrow and every day after that, proof that this is really happening, that it isn’t an umpteenth dream of his. He waits for a few moments once he’s all the way in, lets you relax around him. He can practically feel the tension leave your body once the pain of the stretch fades away and only pleasure remains in its wake.

His movements start out shallow and slow. He doesn’t want to hurt you, doesn’t want to lose the little control he’s still holding onto, albeit with struggle. But every thrust, every torturous slide of his cock into you has his grasp on reality slipping from him. Of course, you’re not helping: with his face buried in the crook of your neck, your mouth is practically by his ear, your moans so loud he feels them in the tips of his fingers.

“This feels so good, Jay,” you whisper. Something inside him snaps. 

Jay grabs the backs of your thighs and hooks your legs around his hips. He’ll find the spot deep inside you his fingers had reached earlier, he’ll make you cry out until your voice turns hoarse, he’ll make you say his name until it’s the only thing you know how to say.

He doesn’t know whether you have neighbors or whether your walls are thin. He also couldn’t care less. His thrusts are deeper, quicker, harsher, but just as regular. You are perfect around and underneath him, and he is slowly losing his mind. He, who usually barely makes a peep during sex, so concentrated on doing things right, can’t stop himself from moaning and grunting, the sounds dampened against your skin. 

He isn’t sure how long he’s been fucking you, but it can’t be more than a few minutes—and yet, here you are, mouth wide open, crying out as your orgasm washes over you. Jay comes seconds later.

His soul has left his body. You seem to be in a similar state. He continues to move, shallow thrusts to get every last drop of pleasure from him and from you until you are both completely spent. He eventually slips out, kissing the side of your face as he does, and rolls onto his back. He quickly discards the condom, then turns towards you, warm satisfaction and bliss spreading from his stomach throughout his entire body at the sight of the contented, peaceful look on your face. Strands of hair stick to your forehead with sweat. He brushes them away, whispering, “You’re so beautiful.”

You chuckle. “You mentioned that earlier.”

“And I’m mentioning it again now.”

Opening your eyes, your gaze bores into his. “And you’re very handsome,” you whisper back, palm coming up to cup his cheek. You take the time to just look at each other, and Jay thinks this is what heaven must be like. He bends down to press a kiss to your lips, then another, and another—why would he stop when he finally has you all to himself? 

You giggle in-between kisses, and of course Jay joins in, light-headed and light-hearted with a giddiness unlike any he’s felt before. He doesn’t stop when the both of you are smiling so hard your teeth bump against each other, which only makes you laugh more, makes him tighten his grip around your waist. 

“You know,” you say eventually, looking up at the ceiling, “I think I might like you. Just a little bit, though.”

Jay lifts his head from your neck, stares at you like you’ve just told him Santa Claus was real all along. You glance at him, a shy smile on your lips that you try to suppress.

He’s grinning so much it hurts. “Yeah?”

You shrug. “Mmh.” He’s never been so endeared by someone trying to play it cool.

“Well,” he starts, taking his time pressing more kisses to the side of your face. “I know I like you. And not just a little bit.”

“Okay, it’s not a competition,” you say, although your smile has reached your eyes by now. You’re not doing a very good job hiding your happiness.

“Mmh, except it is.”

You attach your lips to his again—an effective way of getting him to shut up. But this time, they’re not the chaste, gentle kisses from moments ago; they’re immediately deeper, hungrier, an obvious aching for something more. The energy that Jay thought he had completely lost comes rushing back to him, a surge of desire rising within him again.

He’s never wanted anything so intensely. But a sudden question appears in his mind, and he knows he won’t be able to shake it unless he’s made sure the both of you are on the same page.

“Can I be your boyfriend?”

Your gaze softens. “I thought you’d never ask,” you reply before kissing him again.

He hopes this never ends.

part two

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fic taglist: @sleepyhoon @fakeuwus @fancypeacepersona

[just-nc-tea]

Okay. Look. I know I have a whole ass blog to recommend fanfic on. But this. THIS. A literal piece of art. I can't describe how incredibly good this is written. There are not enough words in the English language to do so, and I need everyone to read this 50k+ masterpiece. I wish I were writing as beautifully as Emma does. The way she uses her brain is incredibly fascinating, and all of her works are so darn good. She writes in such a cinematic way, and characterises her protagonist so well that I could almost feel my heart crack when Jay's did (the breakup scene has me in a chokehold)

All in all banger read, and so worth it!!

[littlefluu]

!!!!

[82sim]

JAKE BOYFRIEND HEADCANNONS ˖ ᡣ𐭩 ⊹ ࣪ 𓂃

𓂃 jake x f!reader─── genre ⸝⸝ fluff,

LOVE CLUB ⁀➷ ✦ elis note ⊹ ࣪ ˖ hiiii .. what member should i do next?

MDNI SMUT UNDER THE CUT

∘ lets you play with his hair constantly - he’ll lay in your lap and let you run your fingers through his hair for hours and he hums softly when you scratch his scalp. “you were literally made to touch me” he’ll mumble, eyes fluttering shut.

∘ reads random facts out loud just to impress you - jake is a science nerd, he will be scrolling and randomly say, “did you know your brain is constantly eating itself?” with the most proud expression. if you act interested, he’ll light up, wanting to continue the conversation.

∘ giggles mid kiss because he’s just loves you so much - every time you kiss him, jake ends up breaking into a smile against your lips. “sorry” he’ll whisper, brushing your cheek. “i just can’t believe you’re mine.”

∘ puts your things in his room like you already live there - there’s a toothbrush for you in his bathroom. hair ties on his nightstand. your snacks in the pantry. “you basically live here already, might as well make it official.”

∘ always matches accessories with you - he’ll buy cute matching phone charms or bracelets, insisting it’s “not that cheesy.” But when you tease him about it, he’ll blush and go, “shut up, it’s cute and you know it.”

∘ loves dragging things out - jakes patient when he wants to be. he'll kiss down your body with slowly as he watched you whine, pausing to smirk every time you beg for more. “what’s the rush, baby? i’m gonna make you feel everything.”

∘ praises you until you’re breathless - he’s all about sweet filth. “you’re doing so good for me,” he’ll whisper between kisses, voice low and warm as hes buried deep inside you. “look at you. such a pretty mess, all for me.”

∘ bites his lip watching you squirm - he knows exactly what he’s doing. whether it’s teasing touches under the table or slow, heated kisses, he’ll watch your every reaction with an amused, almost mocking smirk. “you’re trying so hard to behave, huh? it’s adorable.”

∘ has a thing for pulling you onto his lap - even when there’s plenty of room, jake will tug you into his lap and rest his hands on your waist, subtly grinding up into you while acting like nothing’s happening. “whats the matter? you are so tense sweet thing.” he says, smirking into your shoulder.

∘ loves when you ride him - something about the way you take control drives him insane. he’ll rest his hands behind his head, watching you like you are the only thing that matters to him. “look at you, princess, so fucking pretty on top of me.”

© 𝟖𝟐𝐒𝐈𝐌

[heejamas]

717 AMORTENTIA

一緒 synopsis: in your final year at hogwarts, all you wanted was quiet. until a transfer student from durmstrang is placed in slytherin, paired with you in advanced potions, and starts asking the wrong questions. when students begin falling ill and secrets bubble beneath the castle’s surface, you find yourself tangled in a web of forbidden magic, deception, and a boy who was never supposed to care. he came to investigate you. he stayed to protect you. but in the shadows of the castle, even love comes with a price.

➤ pairing: slytherin! niki x gryffindor!fem!reader … hogwarts au, enemies to lovers, strangers to lovers // ➤ ˙⟡ word count: 21k 一緒 warnings: mystery, suspense, angst, kidnapping, memory loss, use of dark magic, student endangerment

seventh year feels different. heavier. not because of exams or job interviews or the looming pressure of life beyond the castle, no, you’ve been quietly ready for that. it’s something else, something that lingers in the way the professors pause too long before dismissing class. in how the prefects have been more tense during patrol. how the rumors aren’t just silly now. they sound like warnings whispered too late.

you try not to think about it. instead, you bury yourself in what you’re best at: precision, control, repetition. potions.

professor hong still doesn’t smile when he praises your work, but his hand always lingers a beat longer than necessary on your essays. last week, he gave you a recipe you’d never seen before, said it was from "an old experimental archive, pre-regulation." you copied it into your journal, all neat margins and underlined ingredients, pretending you didn’t notice the way his eyes tracked you as you worked. in class, jeonghan sits across the room. he’s brilliant, even you’d admit that, but messy. his notes are chaos, his technique too relaxed. he never brews the same potion twice the same way, and somehow, it always works. he doesn’t speak to you much. just watches sometimes, with a slight smirk like he’s waiting for you to slip up. you don’t.

and that’s why you’re the one professor hong pairs with on “independent research” tasks. why your name always shows up at the top of the board. why some people avoid sitting next to you in the common room, whispering things like “teacher’s favorite” or “dangerous clever.”

so when a new student shows up midweek — tall, quiet, dark uniform that doesn’t match any of yours — of course he notices you.

you catch him watching you during breakfast, eyes flicking from your hands to your schedule to your badge. you hear he’s from durmstrang, that he was transferred for “security reasons,” whatever that means. you know his name before he says it: niki. slytherin, naturally. but he doesn’t sit with the others. doesn’t talk much. doesn’t ask questions in class, but always seems to be listening too closely.

you remember the first time you saw him, that morning in the great hall, when the sky above the enchanted ceiling was still streaked with sunrise. the professors were already gathered, and the students were buzzing, loud with end-of-summer energy, still full of stories and luggage and half-eaten toast.

then the doors opened. and everything got quiet. he walked in like he belonged somewhere else. posture straight, uniform crisp, movements sharp, like he’d been trained for something that didn’t involve desks or parchment. you remember how people leaned toward each other immediately, whispering behind cupped hands. a transfer student wasn’t unheard of, but from durmstrang? in the seventh year? weird.

you remember how jake nudged you with his elbow. “watch, he’s gonna be the brooding type. bet you he’s a total prick.”

heeseung didn’t even look up from his cereal. “he’s either cursed or annoying. maybe both.”

you didn’t say anything. just watched as he walked toward the front, where mcgonagall stood waiting with the sorting hat. he didn’t flinch when it was lowered onto his head. didn’t even blink. the hall was dead silent.

“slytherin.”

it didn’t take long for the whispering to start again. the usual things: that durmstrang taught dark arts instead of defending against them. that he must’ve done something to get kicked out. that he wasn’t here for school at all.

“security reasons,” sunoo at the ravenclaw table said. “what does that even mean?”

“spying,” jungwon guessed.

you didn’t realize until later that he’d been looking at you when the hat announced his house. like he already knew your name. like he already had questions.

next week, you arrive early to advanced potions. you always do. professor hong prefers punctuality, and so do you — the quiet of the room before it fills, the heavy smell of crushed roots and something faintly metallic in the air, the chalkboard still blank and waiting. you always take your usual seat: third row from the front, left side, closest to the ventilation charm. the room is familiar. reliable. you’ve had four years of top marks and no interruptions here.

which is why the parchment pinned to the door stops you cold.

“term pairs: assigned by academic record.” your name, clear and centered and right beside it: rishimura niki.

you blink once. read it again. it doesn’t make sense. advanced potions is restricted. only students who passed the O.W.L. with distinction, only those who survived hong’s brutal summer assessment essay. niki hadn’t been here for any of that.

you step into the room, still holding the parchment in your hand. you don’t notice him at first, but of course he’s already there, sitting at your table, back straight, sleeves rolled precisely to the elbows. there’s not a single book or quill on the desk. just him, waiting.

“this seat’s taken,” you say automatically, not looking at him.

“i know.” his voice is low, steady. foreign, but not clumsy. like someone used to giving orders quietly.

you glance at him. doesn’t look smug. doesn’t even smile. he just tilts his head, motioning to the board where professor hong is writing ingredients with quick, sharp strokes. niki + y/n. pair #3.

you sit, slow. the table feels smaller than usual. “you’re not supposed to be in this class,” you mutter, more to yourself than him.

“i am now.”

you pull your notebook out with a little more force than necessary. “right. well. don’t get in my way.”

“wasn’t planning to.”

you don’t reply. professor hong starts the lecture, something about variable temperature thresholds in guilt-detection serum, but you barely register it. you feel niki’s eyes on you before you even see him turn. watching your hands again, the way you slice the asphodel root, the way you measure without double-checking.

“you’re precise,” he says quietly.

“that’s why i’m in this class.”

“gryffindor, right?”

you pause. “…yeah.”

“doesn’t track.”

you look up, eyebrows lifted. “what doesn’t?”

“you brew like a slytherin. methodical. calculated. no hesitation.”

“you’re stereotyping.”

“i’m observing.”

you roll your eyes, harder than necessary. “what, do they teach you arrogance at durmstrang, or is it just in the water there?”

he doesn’t smile. not even a twitch. “just asking questions.”

“well, don’t. i’m not interested in making friends.”

“i’m not interested in pretending.” you glance sideways. he’s watching you, yes, but not in that distracted, half-bored way other people do. it’s too direct. too sharp. like he’s picking you apart already, looking for cracks. “so,” he says, too casually. “your parents—also in potions?”

your stomach tightens. “what?”

“just curious. it runs in families sometimes.”

“what, brewing talent?”

“obsession.”

you set your pestle down too hard. the sound makes professor hong pause mid-sentence. you give a tight smile and mutter an apology. niki doesn’t flinch. “what’s your point?” you hiss under your breath.

he shrugs. “just strange, that’s all. someone as good as you, flying under the radar. no publications. no mentorships. no talk.”

“because i’m seventeen. and i’m in school.”

“still.”

you snap your head toward him. “are you always this invasive, or is it just me?”

his gaze doesn’t drop. “just you.”

you open your mouth to say something else, to say something biting, but professor hong claps his hands. “pair work. guilt serum base. i expect accuracy, not creativity. results on my desk by end of class.”

you grip the edge of the desk, pulse jumping. you don’t like being questioned. you really don’t like being watched. and you definitely don’t like the way niki moves, like he’s already two steps ahead of everyone, and like you’re some kind of puzzle he’s just starting to solve.

“fine,” you mutter, pulling ingredients toward you. “but if you mess this up, i’m reporting it.”

“you won’t have to.”

you ignore the way his tone makes your spine twitch.

professor hong paces past your table just as you reach for the silver scales and start weighing the powdered valerian root. his presence is like static, quiet but charged, sharp eyes sweeping over your measurements, nodding once before moving on.

you glance at the board.

veritaserum (skeleton base)

– jobberknoll feather (crushed)

– valerian root

– gillywater infusion

– moonstone shards

– whisper of wand essence

brew with absolute precision. contamination leads to useless result. or explosion.

you slide the jar of moonstone toward niki without looking at him. “you do the infusion,” you say. “gillywater, slow simmer. three stirs clockwise, pause, one counter. don’t mess it up.”

“don’t worry,” he murmurs. “i’ve done this before.”

“sure you have,” you mutter back.

he moves like he’s used to silence. his hands are steady, controlled, like someone trained to follow orders without hesitation, or someone who never needed to be taught twice. he handles the gillywater like it’s nothing, which only annoys you more.

“what were you doing at durmstrang?” you ask, casually. too casually.

he doesn’t answer right away. “learning things hogwarts doesn’t teach.”

you arch a brow. “like what? interrogation tactics?”

a flicker of something in his eyes. amusement? surprise? “maybe,” he says. “you’d be good at it.”

you scoff. “you’re really bad at compliments.”

“i wasn’t trying to be nice.”

“figures.”

you tip the crushed feather into the bubbling potion with precision, watching the surface turn a faint iridescent blue. it’s supposed to do that. still, you double-check the notes. he leans slightly closer, just enough for you to feel it.

“you always this paranoid?” he says under his breath.

you glance up sharply. “you’re the one interrogating me.”

“because you’re the only other person in this room who could’ve brewed something like that,” he says, too low for anyone else to hear. he doesn’t nod toward anything. doesn’t explain. 

“maybe you should mind your business.”

“maybe your business is my business.”

the simmering sound of the potion nearly drowns out the last line. nearly. you feel heat rise to your face — not from embarrassment, but from anger. and something else. something you can’t name yet. tension, maybe. or recognition.

you glare at him. “you don’t know me.”

“not yet,” he says simply.

you stab the stirring rod into the cauldron and begin the final stir sequence. you don’t look at him again. but you feel his eyes on you the entire time.

the dungeon air sticks to your skin as class ends. like it’s not just the potion steam but something heavier sitting in your chest. you pack your things slower than usual, not out of care but because your hands are tight with something you can’t name. annoyance. unease. that stupid static in the back of your neck from being watched too long.

you hear him behind you. still silent. still calm. he doesn’t say anything about the potion, or the fact that you were the only pair to get it right. professor hong gives your table the usual low-voiced approval, a faint nod, the same he gives to every decent result, but the weight of it lands different this time. like even the professor is watching something neither of you can name.

you latch your kit closed with a sharp snap. niki doesn’t even flinch. just wipes his side of the table with slow, precise movements, like he’s done this in labs stricter than this one. maybe he has. maybe he’s lying about half of what he is. or maybe he just makes everything feel like a lie — that steady face, those quiet questions, the way he looks at you like you’re a book he already started reading and didn’t ask permission for.

his hands are already clean. the station spotless. but he doesn’t move. not until you’re out of sight.

and even then, he’s slow about it. pulling a folded slip of parchment from the inside of his robe, the ink already half-dry on the note he started writing halfway through the lesson. your name isn’t on it. not yet. but he’s thinking about it.

weeks pass like molasses.

at first, you try to ignore him. it’s not hard, you’ve perfected the art of quiet disapproval. you sit next to him in advanced potions without looking directly at him, keep your comments to a minimum, stir counter-clockwise when he stirs clockwise. you don’t ask questions, and he doesn’t offer answers. for a while, that feels like enough. distant, tense, but manageable.

but then he shows up at the slytherin quidditch tryouts.

you don’t mean to watch. you’re just walking past the pitch with jake and heeseung, both of them halfway through arguing about who’s going to get bumped from the gryffindor lineup this year, when you hear the usual roar of the crowd, but this time it sounds different. more focused. people are watching someone specific. and of course it’s him.

niki’s in full gear, dark green robes catching the wind like he was born in them, cutting through the sky like a hawk. he’s fast, too fast. and worse, he’s good. he moves like he’s been playing for years, with that kind of ease that makes it look effortless. you glance at heeseung and see it, the immediate shift in his jaw, the quiet twitch of annoyance. he won’t say it, but you know. the last thing any gryffindor wants is to admit a slytherin is better. especially one who just dropped out of the sky and stole the show.

“he's so full of himself,” heeseung mutters, biting down on the words. “he’s not even that good. just fast. and tall. and probably on some weird eastern european broom charm.”

you don’t say anything, but your stomach twists. not because heeseung’s wrong — niki is good. but because you already know how this’ll go. girls from ravenclaw and hufflepuff will start showing up at slytherin games “just to watch.” someone’ll start writing about him in the hogwarts gossip paper. and you’ll be stuck next to him twice a week while everyone else acts like he’s the most fascinating thing to ever walk through the castle doors.

by the end of that week, it starts happening. you run into him everywhere.

first, it’s the greenhouses. you’re there late after class, picking up a special order of wormwood for your independent study project. professor sprout isn’t even there, but she left a note that it’d be waiting on bench three. you reach for it, turn your head, and he’s just there, already holding the exact same herb.

“need this?” he asks, like he hasn’t just stolen it from under your nose.

you scowl. “do you follow people, or is this just bad luck?”

he shrugs. says nothing. hands it over. smirking.

then it’s the care of magical creatures hut. you signed up to help professor galen monitor the growth of some hybrid firecrabs, mostly for extra credit and also because you actually like the weird little bastards. it’s quiet, peaceful work — or at least it was, until niki shows up with a pair of dragonhide gloves and a perfect excuse: “professor asked for a second assistant.”

you try not to scream. you fail a little. he laughs once under his breath, and you consider tossing a bucket of feed at his head.

and then there’s the library. and the owlery. and the great hall. and the narrow stairwell near the astronomy tower where you definitely weren’t expecting anyone at that hour.

it’s not like he’s following you, not really. but every time you think you’ve finally gotten a moment to breathe, he appears. silent, observant, eyes flicking over your hands, your books, your schedule. never saying much. never far.

jake thinks it’s hilarious, he calls it fate. heeseung calls it weird. you call it a problem. and yet, the worst part isn’t that you keep seeing him, it’s that he keeps seeing you. like he’s waiting for something. like there’s a piece of you he’s still trying to find. and you don’t know what he’s looking for, but you hate that part of you keeps wondering what he’ll do when he finds it.

and then, there's the first game. it’s the kind of match people talk about for years. slytherin versus gryffindor always pulls a crowd, but this one feels heavier before it even starts. there’s a tension in the air, charged like a storm’s about to hit, and maybe it is. maybe it always is when houses like these meet under the sky.

niki plays chaser. no one saw it coming. people assumed he'd be a seeker, sleek and quiet and fast, but he’s not. he’s sharp and ruthless, cutting through the field with a kind of precision that doesn’t feel fair. every pass, every goal, every feint is calculated. he moves like he’s already seen the play ten seconds before it happens. jake barely has time to call out strategies. heeseung’s fast, but not fast enough. the score climbs. fast. and it’s a massacre.

even the commentators start hesitating around the third goal. then the fifth. then the ninth. by the time slytherin hits two-hundred and twenty to forty, gryffindor’s cheering section is silent. people stop pretending it’s just a bad game. you watch from the stands with your jaw locked, hands frozen on the red-and-gold scarf you shouldn’t have bothered wearing. the worst part isn’t that gryffindor’s losing. it’s who they’re losing to. it’s how.

niki doesn’t smile once. he just plays. and wins.

and the dormitory that night is a graveyard. someone opens a few bottles of butterbeer in half-hearted consolation. the room smells like defeat and cinnamon. no one says anything loud. jake’s sitting with his head in his hands. heeseung’s sprawled on the couch, eyes on the ceiling like maybe if he stares long enough, the score’ll change. you’re pacing. you’ve been pacing since you got back.

"he had to have been training for years," jake mutters. “like, professionally. i don’t think normal students play like that.”

"oh, now you realize that?" you snap.

he lifts his head, blinking. "...you’re pissed."

"you think?"

"you’re more pissed than anyone. and you’re not even on the team." you shoot him a look that could fry a mandrake. "wait," he says slowly, sitting up straighter. “is this because your crush crushed us?”

"excuse me?!" heeseung makes a noise like he’s trying not to laugh. “i do not have a crush on him.”

“sure,” jake says, nodding like that’s exactly what someone with a crush would say. “you just talk about how shady he is every time we see him. totally normal.” you don’t dignify it with a response. you grab your cloak and stomp toward the door. “where are you going?” jake calls after you.

“somewhere you’re not,” you mutter, slamming the portrait shut behind you.

the night is cold. the castle's quieter than it should be. most people are at the slytherin common room, which you hear is loud enough to rattle the pipes. you don't care. you head toward the viaduct path, it’s far, and mostly empty at this hour, overlooking the black lake. the wind cuts through your robes and makes your cheeks sting, but the air helps. it feels real and grounding.

you sit on the stone ledge, just out of reach of the torchlight. your hands are in your lap. you close your eyes for a second and try to breathe. you don’t know how long you sit there. long enough for your anger to dull into something quieter. something closer to confusion.

and that’s when you hear footsteps behind you. you don’t have to turn around, you already know who it is.

“you’re following me again,” you say without opening your eyes.

“you’re predictable,” niki answers, stepping into view, voice calm. like he didn’t just humiliate your house in front of half the school.

you open your eyes and look at him. he’s not in his quidditch robes anymore, but his hair’s still wind-blown, and there’s mud on his boots. he doesn’t look tired. he doesn’t look sorry.

“come to gloat?”

“no.” he pauses. “you weren’t at the party.”

you blink. “why would i be?”

he shrugs. “you’re everywhere else.”

you scoff and look away, fingers tightening in your lap. the wind blows hair into your face, but you don’t bother moving it. not with him standing there, watching like he’s waiting for you to slip up.

“why are you here?” you ask eventually, not bothering to sound friendly.

he leans against the ledge a few feet away, arms crossed. “too much in the common room. too loud.”

you glance at him. “bit dramatic, don’t you think? they’re celebrating you.”

he doesn’t answer right away. “i don’t like attention.”

you let out a short, disbelieving laugh. “right.”

his eyes flick over to you. “what?”

“you’re telling me,” you start, voice dry, “that the star transfer student from durmstrang, who just massacred gryffindor and has half the school drooling over him, doesn’t like attention?”

he shrugs again, but it’s more of a pause this time. less of a defense, more of a question mark. “i just figured you’d be at the party,” he says, softer.

you snort. “why? i hate parties.” he raises an eyebrow. you continue. “i go to maybe one if it’s in the gryffindor dorms. maybe ravenclaw if sunoo begs. but even then, it’s always the same thing. someone brings a sketchy bottle of something labeled ‘love potion’ or ‘euphoria draught’ or—god—forgets to dilute amortentia and suddenly i’m dragging someone to madam pomfrey again.”

he looks at you carefully, and you can tell he’s trying to decide something. “so you weren’t at that last ravenclaw party last year?” he asks.

“no.” you shake your head. “i had a paper due for hong’s class and heeseung caught a cold. why?”

he watches you for a second. long enough that you start to feel defensive. “there was a girl,” he says. “a ravenclaw. drank something. couldn’t remember anything for days.”

you blink, sitting up straighter. “you mean yeji?”

he nods. “that’s her.”

you look away, jaw clenched. “i knew her. not well, but… she sat near me in magical theory. always gave perfect answers. smart and cautious.” niki’s silent again, waiting. “she’s not the type to take a mystery potion just because someone said it’d make her feel good,” you continue. “she’d ask what was in it. make sure it was brewed properly. she wasn’t careless.”

“do you know what she took?”

you shake your head. “no. whatever it was… it wasn’t something i recognized. or i would’ve said something by now.” you pause. then your gaze snaps back to him. “why are you asking me this?” you say, sharper than before. “do you think i had something to do with it?”

niki meets your eyes, unreadable. “i think you know more about potions than anyone else here. and that makes you useful.”

you stand up slowly, heart beating harder. “useful?”

“not in a bad way.”

“you don’t even know me,” you say, and there’s an edge to your voice now that wasn’t there before. “you sit next to me in one class, and suddenly you think you can judge what kind of person i am? if i was someone who—who poisoned someone?”

he doesn’t answer. but he doesn’t look away, either. you step back, just once. the stone under your shoes is cold and solid, grounding.

“you can ask your little questions,” you mutter, voice low, “but don’t pretend you’re not doing it for a reason. and don’t pretend i’m not noticing.”

you start walking away before he can say anything else. but even as you leave the viaduct, the weight of his stare clings to your back. like he’s not done with you yet.

the following week is... confusing. because after that night, niki seems to vanish.

he’s still around, of course. you still see him in potions, where he sits next to you in silence, answering only when necessary, his eyes flicking toward your hands when you chop ingredients a little too fast. but he doesn’t hover in the same spaces anymore. he’s not suddenly behind you in the greenhouse when you’re picking murtlap, not crossing paths with you outside the care of magical creatures hut. if he was studying you before, now it feels like he’s keeping his distance on purpose.

but he’s not exactly alone. you start noticing him with sunghoon and jay — the slytherin beaters, loud and cocky and always surrounded by admirers. it’s hard not to see them, honestly, with their matching smug grins and perfectly polished brooms slung over their shoulders like fashion accessories. the three of them make an intimidating group, and niki fits in with a quiet ease that somehow makes it worse.

but what really makes your stomach twist is when you see him with jeonghan.

the first time is in the library. you’re at a corner table, flipping through advanced antidotal theory, and they pass by in the restricted section, speaking in hushed voices. jeonghan has that same unreadable look he always wears, like he’s two steps ahead and enjoying the view, and niki is just behind him, listening. not saying much. not needing to.

you try not to stare and you fail. because it’s not just once. you see them again two days later, walking out of the potions classroom long after class has ended. they don’t notice you around the corner, but you catch the end of the conversation. jeonghan laughing softly, niki saying something too low to hear. and something clicks, something uncomfortable.

niki is hanging around with the two best potion students in hogwarts: you and jeonghan. only he’s not talking to you anymore. and jeonghan… well. you’ve never trusted jeonghan.

your rivalry with him goes back years. you both excel in potionwork, but he’s manipulative. calculated. always finding loopholes, shortcuts, ways to twist instructions just enough to outshine you. professor hong praises both of you, but there's always that tension beneath the surface — the unspoken competition, the way you both rush to finish first or brew cleaner or get more points for your house. it’s not personal. but it’s never friendly.

so when you realize niki’s been spending time with him, choosing to spend time with him, it feels like a warning. and your mind won’t stop circling back to the rumors, the girl in ravenclaw, the potion no one could identify. it starts keeping you up at night. not in the dramatic, sleepless kind of way. more like you’re distracted. unfocused.

jake notices first.

“you haven’t insulted heeseung’s handwriting in days,” he says one afternoon in the common room, poking your arm with his quill. “are you sick?”

“shut up,” you mutter, flipping a page in your notes.

heeseung chimes in from across the table. “she’s just sulking because her mortal enemy replaced her.”

“excuse me?” you blink at him.

“niki,” he says simply, leaning back in his chair. “you’re obsessed.”

“i am not—”

“you’ve been zoning out since the game,” jake says. “don’t even deny it. you walked into the wrong classroom this morning. twice.”

“i had a lot on my mind.”

“yeah,” jake mutters. “specifically, one thing.”

you slam your book shut and stand up before either of them can say anything else. you don’t have time to explain what’s really bothering you, not to them. not yet. not when even you don’t fully understand what it is.

on the end of the week, professor hong had called you into his office at the end of double potions. most students had already filed out, voices trailing down the corridor, but he had looked up from his desk just as you were collecting your things and said, “miss y/l/n. a word.”

you’d hesitated, glanced once at sunoo, who gave you a curious look over his shoulder, but you stayed behind. it wasn’t unusual, professor hong had a habit of assigning you extra work, sometimes letting you help with his research, sometimes testing obscure theories through essays or unsupervised brewing experiments. you were used to it. used to the pressure. the quiet praise he offered only when absolutely necessary. you respected him — feared him a little, too, but mostly respected.

“you’re serious about pursuing mastery after hogwarts?” he’d asked you then, voice flat, as if the answer didn’t matter.

“yes,” you said immediately. “of course.”

he nodded once, turning the open pages of a leather-bound journal toward you. it was worn and scrawled in a cramped, spidery script — old, maybe even pre-hogwarts era. “this is a recipe for the draught of lucid recall,” he said. “a stabilizing agent for memory restoration, very rarely brewed these days due to one limiting factor.”

you leaned forward, reading the ingredients list. something flickered in your chest when your eyes caught on a line. glowing firevine from a duskwing nest.

“these plants grow from the residual magical energy left behind by duskwing shrike hatchlings,” he continued. “and duskwing shrikes, as you may know, nest exclusively on the western border of the forbidden forest. nocturnal creatures. extremely shy. the vines bloom only when the nest has been long abandoned. and only at night.” 

he closed the book with a soft snap and looked at you. “you want the experience, don’t you?” and you had nodded.

so now here you are, close to midnight, stepping past the boundary wards into the forest. you’d prepared carefully: protective charms on your boots, your wand lit just enough to catch your footing, your satchel laced tight across your chest. it isn’t your first time out here, but it’s the first time you’ve come alone. and the silence of it all — broken only by the occasional rustle of leaves, or the distant flutter of wings — feels different than it does during class or field assignments.

you move slowly, tracking the marks you’d memorized in hong’s notes. the duskwing nests are fragile, crater-like indentations of moss and twigs, and the vines curl through them like veins of molten light, gold and red and strangely pulsing. it takes you nearly half an hour, but you find one tucked into the roots of an old tree, exactly where he said it would be.

the firevine glows faintly under your wandlight. it’s warm when you pluck it. and you barely have time to admire it before you hear the voices. 

they come in like fog. low, urgent tones. two, maybe three. you freeze, instinct pulling your wand up, light gone in an instant. you drop low, heart hammering in your throat, breath caught somewhere just behind your teeth.

they’re not speaking english, not any language you recognize. but the tone is serious. focused. and whoever they are, they’re moving closer.

you slide behind a thick wall of brambles, the firevine clutched to your chest, breath shaky. you’re about to press a muffling charm to your mouth when you feel it. a hand. firm and fast, clamping over your lips.

you jolt, panic spiking white-hot in your veins, but you can’t scream. the hand is strong, and someone presses close behind you, other arm curling around your waist, holding you still. your wand is still in your grip, but you can’t raise it. not without stabbing blindly behind you. and then, you hear the whisper.

“don’t move,” a voice says, low against your ear.

you freeze. the hand loosens slightly, and the pressure around your waist fades just enough for you to breathe. you turn your head, only a little, just enough to see.

niki.

his eyes catch yours in the dark. unreadable, as always, but more focused than you’ve ever seen them. he’s got his wand out, too — already raised — his other hand still hovering near your shoulder, steadying you. he makes a motion with his fingers. quiet. then he turns back, gaze locked in the direction of the voices. and suddenly you realize, he knew they were coming. he wasn’t following you. he was already here.

you stay frozen there for a while, crouched low behind the thick underbrush, hidden under dark branches that rattle slightly with the wind. the voices are getting louder. closer. and niki hasn’t let go. his arm is still firm around your shoulders, fingers pressed against the curve of your arm, anchoring you in place. you feel his chest behind you, the slow rise and fall of it unnervingly calm. you’re trying to match it, to steady yourself, but your heart’s racing and your fingers are clenched so tightly around the firevine it’s starting to lose its warmth.

the men are near now. you hear the crunch of boots on forest floor, the drag of something heavy being pulled along the dirt. someone curses. another laughs. it sounds like there’s four of them, maybe five.

niki moves. he shifts just enough to slip his wand into his other hand and pull something from the inner lining of his cloak. it glimmers faintly in the dark, like silver water. before you can process what it is, he’s tossing it up and over you both. everything disappears. you blink. once, twice. the bushes around you remain, faint outlines in the dark, but your hands, your legs, niki’s arm — they’re gone.

a disillusionment charm wouldn’t do that. a concealment spell wouldn’t either. it’s a true invisibility cloak. a real one. old magic. rare magic.

you don’t say anything — can’t, not with the footsteps just meters away. but your breath catches. the fabric is soft where it touches your arms, heavy and cool and real. you tilt your head slightly, eyes narrowing at the glint of the hem, and it clicks. this isn’t some hand-me-down replica. this is something ancient. expensive. possibly even enchanted. who the hell is he?

you feel the shift before you hear it, niki’s face turns slightly toward you, and for a moment, his forehead presses against yours. barely. just a touch. you’re both breathing shallow now, every inhale tight and quiet. his eyes are on yours. too close. too much.

you’re not sure how long it lasts. it feels like minutes, hours, your limbs locked in place, the sounds of the forest swallowed up by the murmuring of the men. but eventually, the voices start to fade, a few more bootsteps. a grunt. silence. they’re gone.

the stillness returns slowly, like the forest has to remember how to be quiet. niki doesn’t move at first, but then he carefully pulls the cloak off your heads, folding it down with one hand. you finally breathe fully, blinking as the shadows settle back around you.

then he speaks. “what were you doing here?” his tone isn’t curious. it’s sharp and suspicious.

you blink at him, still crouched. “excuse me?”

he stands now, brushing the dirt from his knees, his jaw tight. “it’s almost midnight. the forbidden forest. and you just happen to be walking around where a group of smugglers were about to meet?”

you stand too, anger rising instantly. “i wasn’t walking around, i was on assignment.” you dig into your satchel, still clutching the firevine, and pull out the folded parchment professor hong gave you. it’s damp around the edges, crinkled from your grip, but the seal is still visible. you thrust it at him. “here. read it.”

he doesn’t take it, just glances over quickly, then looks away.

“what were they doing here?” you demand, heart still racing. “who are they?”

niki pauses, eyes scanning the space where the men disappeared. “snatchers,” he says finally. “potion traffickers. illegal brew distribution, mostly. kidnapping, too. sometimes they use kids to run ingredients. sometimes they use… worse.”

you feel your stomach flip. “and you know that because…?” he doesn’t answer. you take a step closer. “niki.” still nothing. you laugh, bitter. “you think i’m suspicious? you’ve been lying about who you are since day one.” his jaw ticks, and you see the flicker of something in his eyes — guilt, maybe, or regret — but he still doesn’t explain. “what were you doing out here?” you ask, quieter now. “following them?”

he shrugs, but it’s stiff. rehearsed. “i just… heard something. figured it was worth checking.”

you don’t believe him. not for a second. you cross your arms. “you’ve been watching me since the first day of term. showing up in every class i’m in. now i find you with a cloak worth more than half the school, and you expect me to believe i’m the one with something to explain?”

you hate the way your voice cracks at the end. hate how shaken you still feel. hate how he’s looking at you like he knows something, something you don’t, something he’s not ready to say. 

niki runs a hand through his hair, breath heavy. “i wasn’t trying to—” he stops. you stare at him. waiting. “just… be careful,” he says finally. voice low. “you don’t know what kind of things people will do for potions like these.”

you stare at him for a moment, mouth parted like there’s more he could say, but he doesn't.  “fine,” you mutter, shouldering your satchel with more force than necessary. “if you don’t want to tell me what’s going on, don’t. but don’t drag me into it.”

you turn on your heel and start walking, the firevine still pulsing faintly in your hand. the glow matches the simmer under your skin. you’re not even mad, not really, you’re just done. you just want to go back, hand the plant to professor hong, and forget you were ever crouched behind a bush with niki pressed against you under some ridiculously expensive cloak, waiting for smugglers to pass.

but you hear footsteps behind you. you don’t have to look. you already know. “you cannot be serious,” you throw over your shoulder.

“what?” niki says innocently, which is rich, coming from the boy who basically accused you of being in a criminal syndicate five minutes ago. “you’re going back to the castle. so am i.”

“no, you’re following me.”

“i’m escorting you,” he corrects, like he’s doing you a favor. “it’s dangerous out here.”

you shoot him a glare. “i just watched you pull a cloak out of nowhere and you were about to take on five potion smugglers with nothing but your wand and a death glare. i think i’m fine.”

“you didn’t see my real death glare,” he says, voice low and mock-serious. “that was my soft version. reserved for classmates i don’t suspect of dark deals in the forest.”

you whip around. “i swear to merlin, if you say one more word about that—”

he raises both hands, smiling. this is the first time you see him smiling. “okay, okay. i’ll behave.” you narrow your eyes at him and keep walking, faster this time. naturally, he keeps pace. “you know,” he starts again after exactly three seconds of silence, “it was kind of impressive. the way you stayed quiet. most people would’ve screamed when i covered their mouth.”

“yeah, well, i was too busy trying to figure out if you were about to murder me,” you snap.

“aw. you thought i was dangerous?”

you roll your eyes so hard it’s a miracle they don’t fall out. “i think you’re annoying.”

“close enough.”

you mutter something unrepeatable and pull your cloak tighter around you. the forest’s thinning now, you can see the edge of the path that leads back to the castle, the soft orange glow of the torches in the distance. it should feel like relief, but you’re still buzzing with frustration. he walks beside you like it’s nothing. hands in his pockets. humming, even. 

you stop again, turning to him. “do you enjoy this?”

“what, the trauma of being ambushed in a forest?” he deadpans.

“no,” you hiss, “this. following me. provoking me. acting like you’re not hiding fifty secrets behind that smug face.”

his eyes flick to yours, and for a second, just a flicker, something shifts in his expression. not playful. not teasing. soft. but then it’s gone. “maybe,” he says, with the faintest shrug. “you’re cute when you’re mad.”

you groan, loud and exasperated. “i cannot stand you.”

“you don’t have to stand me,” he says. “just walk next to me until we get back.”

you’re already walking, again, because if you stand there one second longer you might actually hex him. you trudge the last stretch of path in silence, or your silence, anyway. niki keeps talking. nonsense, mostly. how the moon’s extra bright tonight. how one of the smugglers had awful footwear. how professor hong would probably give you extra credit for surviving a kidnapping attempt. you don’t dignify any of it with a response, which only makes him talk more.

you reach the courtyard. then the stairs. then the long corridor to the entrance of gryffindor tower. you stop at the portrait of the fat lady and turn to him.

“you can leave now.”

he tilts his head. “are you sure? what if there’s more traffickers hiding in the tapestry?”

“niki.”

“what if the portrait password changed and you’re locked out forever?”

you take a deep breath, glaring up at him. he’s smiling again. like he’s having the best night of his life. you hate that it almost makes you laugh. “goodnight,” you grit through your teeth.

“goodnight, y/n.”

you just turn and mutter the password, stepping through the door before you can think about what just happened, or the way your heart’s still pounding, for reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with firevine or smugglers or the forbidden forest.

the next day, you don’t know if you should tell anyone what happened. you keep replaying it in your head — the firevine glowing in your hands, the crunch of boots too close for comfort, the weight of niki’s hand over your mouth, the quiet snap of his cloak as it unfurled over you both like a second skin. how close you were. how still you had to be. how natural it felt to trust him, for a heartbeat, when every part of your brain screamed that you shouldn’t.

you didn’t sleep. you barely said two words at breakfast. not even when heeseung tried to give you a hard time about falling asleep in your toast. not now, heeseung, you wanted to say. i might have accidentally gotten myself tangled in an underground potion smuggling conspiracy and i think niki’s hiding something and i was in the forest illegally and maybe i’m in over my head.

but instead you just stared at your scrambled eggs like they might give you answers.

the guilt sits wrong in your stomach, heavy and unshaped. it’s not just the fact that you snuck out, it’s that you didn’t tell anyone. you still haven’t. not even professor hong. not even jake or heeseung, and you tell them almost everything. the silence feels dangerous, but there’s something stopping you from breaking it. something in the way niki looked at you when he said you don’t know what people will do for potions like these. something in the way he followed you all the way back to your common room with that stupid smirk, like he knew you wouldn’t say anything.

and the worst part is that he was right. so you go to the library. you tell yourself it’s just research. you are a good student. you do care about learning. but you don’t go to the advanced potions aisle. you don’t head for herbology or magical fauna or any of your usual corners.

you go straight to the restricted back row where the musty, half-forgotten books on potion-related crimes live. black bindings. cracked gold titles. old wizard photos that flicker and fade. you comb through chapter after chapter — trafficking, smuggling rings, black market sellers, memory charm abuse, corruption. you take notes. 

and when you’re tired of digging through other people’s crimes, you go deeper. durmstrang student records, class archives, yearbooks. you bite your lip. you search for names. you search for his name.

you find them stacked in chronological order, old leather-bound volumes organized by year and specialization. you scan the spines until your fingers land on the right one — last year’s upper division, potions track. you pull it down, careful, and let the weight of it settle on the table. you flip through pages. names. faces. accolades. best in year. graduated early. expelled for dueling. there’s a few others you half-recognize. but no niki.

you go through it twice. then a third time. he’s not in it. not in any of them. your brows furrow. how?

maybe he was homeschooled. maybe he studied abroad and came back. maybe his name is spelled differently. maybe there’s a perfectly logical reason. maybe there isn’t.

you’re still staring at the open book in front of you when you feel it — a prickle at the back of your neck. that sense of being watched. of someone’s presence folding quietly into the space behind you. you lift your head slowly. and there he is. niki’s across the library. leaning against the far shelf, a book half-open in his hands but clearly forgotten. next to him, jeonghan.

you don’t even try to pretend it’s a coincidence anymore. of course he’s with jeonghan. of course they’re in the potions section, and not looking at anything on the shelf. jeonghan says something to him, too quiet for you to hear, and niki doesn’t answer. his eyes are locked on you.

you think about the firevine. the heat of his breath against your cheek. the way he pulled you close like he’d done it before. like he knew how to hide. how to survive. how to keep secrets so well it was second nature. he looks at you like he knows you’re keeping one now. you close the book softly. don’t break eye contact. and you think, not for the first time, that this might all be bigger than you realized.

you leave the library with your thoughts tangling into knots.

every step echoes with the weight of it — the missing yearbook photo, the too-perfect invisibility cloak, the way he looked at you like he knew you’d keep quiet. and you did. but it’s too much now. something isn’t right, and it’s bigger than a smirk in the library or a close call in the forest. you can’t carry it alone anymore.

so you write a note in quick, messy strokes. tell heeseung to meet you in front of hagrid’s cabin after his practice. say it’s important. don’t say why.

the sun’s already low when you get there, gold spilling across the edge of the forest and setting the fields in firelight. you sit on the stone ledge near the pumpkins, hands tucked under your legs, bouncing your foot like that’ll make him come faster. heeseung’s the only person you trust with this. he’s loud and annoying and says the wrong thing nine times out of ten, but he listens. he keeps secrets. he knows you. and right now, that feels like the only thing keeping you from unraveling.

he shows up with his broom slung over his shoulder, sweaty and windblown, still in his quidditch robes. “what’s up?” he says, slowing when he sees your face. “you look like you saw a dementor.”

you just gesture for him to follow. you walk in silence. through the edge of the grounds, around the old greenhouses, to a little hollow between the divination tower and the west wall, quiet, shaded, always empty. you used to come here with him during second year when you wanted to skip classes without getting caught.

you sit, so does he. and then you start talking. you tell him about the forest. the task professor hong gave you. the firevine. the men. the way niki grabbed you and covered your mouth, how he knew what was happening before you did. the invisibility cloak. the questions. the silence. the way he's always with jeonghan. heeseung doesn’t interrupt. not once.

and then you tell him about the library. the records. the way niki and jeonghan were together, not doing anything, just watching. you expect him to laugh. or roll his eyes. maybe call you dramatic. but he just frowns.

“okay,” he says slowly. “okay, that’s… a lot.” you exhale. it’s the first time you’ve said any of it out loud. it still feels insane. “but like,” he continues, “niki being in the forest — that’s not just weird, that’s sketchy as hell. and if he did know those guys… like, know who they were…”

you nod, tension tightening your jaw. “i think he’s here for a reason. i don’t think he’s just some transfer from durmstrang.”

heeseung rubs the back of his neck. “well, jeonghan’s always been the guy with potions at parties, right?”

you blink. “what?”

“i mean—yeah,” he shrugs. “he always has something. headache cures, hangover things, dumb little confidence draughts—whatever. people go to him if they wanna feel something. he’s like the unofficial supplier.”

you shake your head. “i’ve never seen him do that.”

heeseung raises an eyebrow. “yeah, because he never does it when you’re around.”

you pause. let that sink in. you think back to the parties you did go to, the ones heeseung dragged you to. the times jeonghan was just a quiet shadow in the corner. and the other times, when you left early, or didn’t go at all, when something did happen, someone did get sick, someone did say they took something they shouldn’t have.

“shit,” you whisper.

heeseung leans back, whistling low. “you think niki’s here for that? like, actually investigating?”

you don’t say anything for a moment. just stare at the grass between your shoes. “it makes sense,” you say eventually. “but… i don’t know who he is. or who sent him. or why he won’t just tell me.”

“maybe he can’t.” you look at him. “if he’s undercover or whatever,” he adds. “maybe it’s dangerous.”

you nod, slowly. but it still doesn’t explain everything. it doesn’t explain why he’s so reckless with you. why he watches you like you might be the one hiding something. why, despite all your instincts, part of you still wants to trust him.

and worse — why it feels like he already trusts you.

a month passes, quiet and strange.

niki doesn’t talk to you. doesn’t look at you. doesn’t sit near you in potions, doesn’t show up where you are unless he absolutely has to. it’s like that night in the forest never happened — like the muffled breath against your temple, the brush of his jacket against your arm under the invisibility cloak, the tension crackling in the silence — like all of it was just something you imagined.

and if he’s pretending it didn’t happen, you figure you might as well do the same.

professor hong starts giving you more work than usual, like he’s testing you for something. special assignments, obscure texts to translate, herb samples to categorize and label. it’s not exactly punishment, but it feels like a spotlight is always on you. your grades stay high, but your patience wears thin.

when december rolls in, hogwarts gets colder, quieter. thick snow covers the grounds, and the halls echo in a way they never do during the rest of the year. most seventh years stay. it’s your last winter here, after all. you’re not going home either. your parents sent a letter that said something about a trip, something about being proud, something about sending your present by owl. 

you like the castle better like this. emptier. you can breathe.

one afternoon, you head into hogsmeade with heeseung, jake, sunoo, and jungwon. it’s snowing, the kind that sticks to your eyelashes and stings your fingers if you forget your gloves. the five of you end up at the three broomsticks, and the butterbeer’s warm.

you sit around a small round table near the back, laughing over something jake said, watching your breath fog in the cold air that slips in through the cracks in the windows. everything feels momentarily normal.

until you see him. niki walks in with jay and sunghoon, a sweep of snow still in his hair. he looks taller in winter clothes, sharper somehow, the dark green of his scarf marking him clearly as slytherin. you don’t know what you expect, maybe that he’ll ignore you again, just like he has for weeks.

but he sees you. and he smiles. it’s small, barely there, a flicker of something at the corner of his mouth. and it throws you completely off. because that’s the first time he’s acknowledged you since the forest. no words, just a look. but it’s enough to make your heart beat a little off rhythm.

you glance around. jeonghan’s not with them. and somehow, that makes you more uneasy than his smile. you look away fast, pretending you didn’t see him. pretending it doesn’t matter. but the weight of his eyes doesn’t leave you for the rest of the night.

your mug is nearly empty, and so is sunoo’s, so you offer to get a new round. the others don’t protest. you push through the crowd toward the bar, cheeks still flushed, scarf tugged loose around your neck. the old barkeep grunts something unintelligible as you pass him the empty mugs.

and then, like it’s the most natural thing in the world, he’s there. niki.

he sidles up next to you, coat dusted with melting snow, hands shoved in his pockets. you can smell the firewood smoke on him. he doesn’t say anything at first. just stands beside you, eyes flicking toward the mugs, then toward your face. “why didn’t you go home for the break?” he asks, voice quiet, casual, like he hadn’t spent the last month acting like you didn’t exist.

you turn to him slowly, blinking once. your expression sharpens instantly. “you’ve been ignoring me for a month, and now you suddenly care?”

the words are colder than the wind outside. and you mean them to be. his jaw tightens just a little. he glances down, then back at you. “i was… busy.”

you let out a breath through your nose. “right.”

the mugs clink as the barkeep sets them down in front of you. you pick them up carefully, your fingers wrapping around the warm handles. niki watches you, but you don’t look at him again. you turn around and walk back to your table without another word, your shoulders stiff.

when you sit, sunoo instantly brightens. “yay, butterbeer delivery angel!” he beams, wrapping his hands around the mug.

jake notices your face first. “what was that?” he asks, tilting his head.

“what?” you say, too quickly.

jungwon raises an eyebrow. “niki. he was talking to you.”

you press your lips together and shrug. “it’s nothing.”

“seemed like not-nothing,” jake mumbles into his drink.

sunoo leans closer, chin propped on his hand, all teeth and glittering mischief. “honestly,” he says, “i still think you two would make a great couple.”

you roll your eyes and laugh. “you say that like we’re in a romance novel.”

“well,” sunoo says dramatically, twirling his mug, “you’re both always tense around each other. and smart. and annoying. it’s textbook chemistry.”

you’re about to retort when your eyes drift back across the pub, unbidden. niki is still at the bar with jay and sunghoon. his head is tipped slightly in jay’s direction, but he’s not paying attention to jay. he’s looking at you. and then, he smiles. crooked. like he heard. your breath catches for a second, and you whip your gaze back to your butterbeer. you don’t say anything else the rest of the night. but your heart won’t stop racing.

the three broomsticks was quieter now, the warmth of the fire lingering like a memory against the cold outside. snow tapped gently at the windows, and the room had thinned out to only a few stragglers nursing the dregs of their drinks. most of your group had already trickled out — jake and heeseung left an hour ago, stumbling into the snow laughing, and now jungwon was tugging on his scarf as he stood beside sunoo.

“you sure you’re staying?” sunoo asked, peering at you with concern, already halfway bundled up.

you nodded, half-smiling. “just gonna get one more drink before heading back.”

sunoo hummed, unconvinced, but didn’t push. “okay. don’t freeze to death.”

“no promises.”

they left in a flutter of cloaks and bootfalls, and you turned back to the bar, waving the barkeep over again with a quiet thank you. your fingers curled around the warm ceramic of the mug just as it touched the counter.

but before you could lift it, a hand wrapped around your wrist. firm. your head snapped up. niki stood in front of you, jaw tight, eyes unreadable. his grip wasn’t painful, but it was deliberate — insistent.

you blinked at him. “what the hell are you doing?”

he didn’t answer. his eyes flicked toward the drink, then toward the near-empty pub, then back to you. and without a word, he dropped a few galleons on the bar and pulled you with him, not harshly, but without giving you time to argue.

“niki—” you protested, stumbling slightly. “what are you doing? what’s going on?”

“come with me.”

“you could at least tell me where we’re going!”

“i’m protecting you.”

that shut you up. snow swirled around your boots as you stepped into the street. hogsmeade was blanketed in quiet, the kind that only existed this late, with windows glowing gold behind frost-lined panes and distant laughter fading into the hills. the sound of your footsteps echoed between buildings, fast and purposeful.

you kept pace beside him, heart thudding. “what do you mean, protecting me?” you hissed, teeth clenched. “from what? from a drink? are you serious right now?”

he didn’t answer. you realized, abruptly, where he was leading you. down the narrow alleyway past zonko’s, past the sweets shop, until you reached the worn wooden door of the hog’s head inn. a rusty sign swung gently above it, the boar’s head creaking in the wind.

“are you joking—” you started, but he was already opening the door, glancing once behind him to make sure you followed.

the air inside was thick with the scent of smoke and damp wool. it was mostly empty, just a couple old wizards huddled at the corner table, and aberforth himself behind the bar, polishing a glass with a rag that looked older than you. niki didn’t stop. he guided you past the bar, toward a narrow hallway, and into a small back room you’d never noticed before — cluttered with potion crates and ancient tomes, but strangely warm. like it had been prepared. like he knew he’d bring you here.

“okay,” you said, voice sharper now, heart in your throat. “you’re officially freaking me out. what was that at the pub? why did you stop me from drinking?”

he turned to face you, closing the door behind him with a soft click. and finally he spoke. “because someone tried to slip you something.”

before you could even fully register what he’d just said — someone tried to slip you something — the door creaked open. aberforth dumbledore stepped into the room, frowning deeply, his wand already drawn, though low at his side. he gave you a brief, assessing look before turning to niki.

“what’s going on?” his voice was low, gravelly. “thought you said it was quiet tonight.”

niki ran a hand through his hair, still tense. “it was. until someone tampered with her drink.”

aberforth’s eyes flicked toward you again, his expression darkening. “are you sure?”

niki nodded once. “i saw it happen. the glass was swapped while she was talking to the bartender. didn’t get a good look at who, they were wearing an invisibility cloak.”

“bloody hell.” aberforth muttered. “i’ll alert the others.”

you blinked. “the others?”

he was already stepping out of the room, muttering something under his breath, the door closing behind him with a quiet finality. you turned slowly to face niki, the words boiling up before you could stop them.

“what the hell was that?” your voice was sharp now, shaky but cutting. “what others? why are you talking to aberforth like you’re… i don’t know, colleagues or something?” niki exhaled slowly, but didn’t answer. you took a step closer. “niki. who tried to poison me? what were they trying to give me? how do you even know it was poison? what did you see that i didn’t?”

still, silence. 

“i didn’t see anything,” you snapped, “so how the hell did you? you were on the other side of the room! do you have eyes everywhere now? what else aren’t you telling me?” he shifted slightly, jaw clenched, like he was trying to hold himself back. but you weren’t done. not even close. his fingers twitched at his sides. your pulse was hammering in your ears. the walls suddenly felt too close. the air too thin. “niki,” you said again, slower this time. “what are you really doing here?”

he looked at you then. really looked. and when he finally spoke, his voice was low and sharp and tired. “i’m supposed to be investigating you.” you froze. he continued, almost like the words had slipped out of him before he could stop them. “that’s why i came here. that’s the mission. you were the assignment.”

you felt like the floor had cracked under you. “what?”

“you’re one of the best in potions,” he said, eyes on you like he hated himself for it. “high marks. known for healing spells. access to ingredients. always in the right place at the wrong time. and yeah—jeonghan’s on the list too. but you? you were supposed to be watched.”

you took a step back. “you think i—?”

“i don’t anymore,” he snapped, cutting you off, frustration blooming in his chest. “that’s what i’m trying to tell you. i’m not supposed to care if you get poisoned. i’m supposed to observe. report. stay distant. but i didn’t. i can’t. and now this—this whole thing is a mess.”

your heart was pounding. breath catching. it felt like the ground had tilted under you. “so what, you’ve been lying this whole time?” your voice cracked despite yourself.

niki ran both hands through his hair, stepping back like he didn’t know what to do with himself. “i wasn’t trying to lie,” he said, quieter now. “i didn’t expect… you.”

the words sat heavy between you. and for the first time, you weren’t sure what to say. the room felt impossibly still. you could hear the wind outside rattling against the windows of the hog’s head, the muffled creak of the old wood shifting with the cold. niki sat down heavily on the edge of an armchair across from you, his elbows on his knees, fingers laced together like he needed something to hold onto. his eyes met yours, tired and serious.

“i’m not a student,” he said, voice quiet but clear. “i mean—not really. i never was. i studied at home. full magical education, but private. passed my NEWTs last year, started working right after.”

you blinked, confused. he continued before you could interrupt. “i’m an auror. officially registered with the ministry.” he gave a humorless laugh. “youngest in my department, actually. i got recruited before graduation. they’ve been pushing younger operatives—people who blend in easier.”

your stomach twisted, but you stayed silent. you didn’t want to interrupt. not yet.

“they gave me this assignment right after i finished training. a deep-cover placement at hogwarts. the orders were clear: pose as a transfer student, infiltrate the school, keep a low profile.” his voice lowered. “there were… incidents. small, at first. potions going missing from the restricted stores. unauthorized brewing in abandoned classrooms. students showing symptoms that didn’t match any known potion—memory loss, euphoria spikes, uncontrolled magical surges. something darker. something new.”

he paused, letting that sink in.

“the ministry believes someone’s been developing illegal potions inside hogwarts. not just using them—creating them. testing them. distributing them. and not alone.” he looked at you with something like regret. “someone with power. influence. someone who knows how to stay hidden. maybe a student, maybe someone higher. we don’t know. all we know is that these potions are dangerous. they’re not just mind-altering—they’re manipulative. there’ve been whispers that someone’s trying to build a network inside the school. create dependencies. control.”

you felt cold all over.

“they thought it could be you,” he said quietly. “your name was one of the first i got. your record is spotless—too spotless, they said. top of your class in potions, outstanding marks in magical creatures, connections across all houses. you have access, respect. and you keep your nose clean.” your jaw tensed. “but then i met you,” he went on, not looking away. “and i watched. and waited. i read every report, every interview. i watched how you talk to people. how you help them. how you cover for them when they mess up. i watched you hand out hangover draughts after parties, not because you were pushing potions, but because you didn’t want anyone to get hurt. i watched you go into that forest alone for an assignment you didn’t even question, just because a professor asked. i watched you risk everything to stay curious. and it didn’t take me long to realize you’re not the one we’re after.”

you were quiet for a long moment. the fireplace in the room crackled once, soft and low. niki leaned back, his shoulders dropping a little, like confessing all this had taken something out of him.

“but that’s the thing,” he said. “you might not be the one behind this—but someone knows how powerful you are. someone’s trying to get close to you. or use you. and that’s why everything changed.” his voice dropped again, barely a murmur. “now, my mission’s not just to find who’s doing this. it’s to make sure you don’t become the next name on a list of victims.”

you stared at him, heart in your throat. “you’re not just a student anymore, y/n,” he said. “you’re a target.”

and somehow, even though he’d just shattered every truth you thought you knew about him, you believed him. your breath had barely settled after niki's last words when the fire inside you surged forward—quick, defiant, furious.

"fine," you said, standing up abruptly, the legs of your chair scraping against the floor. "then let me help you."

his gaze snapped to yours. "no."

"no?" you scoffed. "you just told me i’m a target. that someone is using me. that my life might be in danger—and you expect me to do what? sit quietly in the common room while you go off being a secret agent?"

he didn’t flinch. "yes."

"niki," you stepped closer, not bothering to hide your frustration. "i’m not just some kid you’re babysitting. i’m a seventh-year. i’ve brewed antidotes that saved people from the hospital wing. i know the signs of potion manipulation. i can help."

"you could also get killed," he snapped back, voice sharp but low.

"so could you!" your eyes narrowed. "what’s the difference?"

"the difference is that i signed up for this," he said, jaw clenched. "you didn’t."

"but i am in it now!" you insisted. "don’t you see that? someone already tried to poison me. i’m not just a bystander anymore." he looked away, jaw working, as if trying to wrestle down a hundred arguments. you softened slightly, voice dipping. "niki, if i’m the one they’re trying to manipulate—don’t you think i’m the one who might be able to see it from the inside?"

"i don’t want you anywhere near them," he muttered, almost to himself.

"who is it?" you asked quickly. "who do you think it is? is it jeonghan?" he didn’t answer. "what about a professor? is there someone on staff—"

"stop."

"why won’t you tell me—"

"because i’ve already said too much!" he barked, finally looking at you again. "you weren’t supposed to know any of this. the only reason i told you is because someone tried to kill you, and you were about to drink something that would've landed you in st. mungo’s for a month—or worse."

you felt your heart beating too hard, breath caught halfway in your chest. "so what?" you hissed. "you drop this huge secret on me, shake up my entire world, and then decide to shut me out again? i'm the one being hunted, niki. me. and you're just gonna keep holding everything back?"

he stood up too quickly, chair tipping slightly behind him. you were face to face now. close. too close. your words hung between you, heavy, and his silence was louder than anything else in the room. niki looked at you like you had just said something dangerous, like the words themselves were too heavy to hold. his jaw was tight, brows furrowed, and you could see the way his fists were clenched at his sides.

“that’s why i’m doing this,” he said, voice rough. “to keep you safe.”

you didn’t move. didn’t blink. “then let me help.”

he shook his head once, sharp. “no. you’re not—this isn’t your job.”

“but it’s my life,” you shot back, stepping forward. “it’s my name they’re using, my skills they’re exploiting, my drink they tried to poison. and you want me to just sit back and let you handle everything on your own?” he didn’t answer, his gaze fixed somewhere over your shoulder for a second, then it was back on you. eyes dark, unreadable. “you think you can protect me?” you said, voice lowering, a challenge. “by ignoring me for a month? by pushing me away?”

he flinched slightly at that, and something in your chest twisted. he exhaled through his nose, sharp, like he’d been holding it in for too long. “i was getting too close,” he muttered.

you blinked. “what?”

his jaw flexed again. “i was getting too close. to you.”

your breath caught, and for a second the room felt smaller. warmer. too full of things unspoken. “so what?” you asked. “you run every time you care about someone?”

“i don’t care about anyone,” he said, but even he didn’t sound convinced.

you took a slow step forward. he didn’t move. “that right?” you asked quietly, almost smug, gaze flicking down to his mouth for just a second. “could’ve fooled me.”

“you’re impossible,” he muttered.

“you like that.”

“no,” he said, but his voice cracked just enough to give himself away. “i don’t.”

you tilted your head. “you sure?”

he looked at you—really looked at you—and you could tell something in him was close to snapping. not in a dangerous way. in the way someone snaps when they’ve been denying themselves something for too long. he took a half step closer. “you’re not making this easy.”

“good,” you whispered. “i’m done being easy.”

his breath hitched. and just as his hand twitched like it might reach for you—

the door creaked open.

you both jumped back like you’d been caught red-handed, and aberforth stood there, arms crossed, a knowing look in his tired eyes.

“right,” he muttered, clearly unbothered by the tension he’d walked into. “i’ve got word.”

niki straightened immediately. “what kind of word?”

aberforth stepped inside, shutting the door behind him. “ministry sent a message. they’ve confirmed another shipment of restricted potions coming in through knockturn alley. same magical signature as the ones popping up in school.” you could feel niki tense beside you. aberforth gave you a glance, then back to niki. “looks like you were right. and you’ve got more eyes on this now.”

niki nodded, sharp. “thanks.”

as soon as aberforth slipped out of the room, the door creaking softly behind him, silence settled like dust in the air. thick. tense. the quiet stretched between you and niki like a thread pulled taut. you stood still for a moment, unsure of what to say, unsure of how to feel. your hands were cold, and your heart was loud in your ears.

“this is too much,” you whispered, almost to yourself. the weight of it all—the secrets, the danger, the way his eyes had looked into yours—pressed down on you like a second skin. you stood up suddenly, the chair scraping against the floor. “i need to go.”

“you’re not going alone,” he said immediately, already moving to follow you.

you didn’t argue. maybe part of you wanted the company. maybe part of you was too tired to fight anymore.

the streets of hogsmeade were quiet, the snow falling in slow, lazy spirals from the sky. it was late enough that most windows were dark, the only sounds were the crunch of your boots on the snow and the soft whistle of wind through the trees. you walked in silence for a while, neither of you speaking, until niki finally broke it.

“you should go home for the holidays.”

you turned your head slightly, eyes narrowing at him. “the train already left.”

“i can get you there,” he said, a little too quickly. “i have… privileges. i can take you.”

you stopped walking. looked at him properly. “you want me to leave hogwarts?”

“i want you to be safe,” he said, voice low. “you’d be safer away from all of this. just for a while.”

you crossed your arms, shifting your weight to one side. “i’ll think about it… if you answer some of my questions.”

he hesitated. then nodded once. “fine.”

“what’s it like?” you asked. “being an auror.”

he exhaled, glancing away like he hadn’t expected that to be your first question. “it’s… hard. it’s not as glamorous as people think. most of the time it’s waiting. watching. pretending. and then sometimes it’s not pretending at all, it’s running for your life.”

you blinked. “sounds awful.”

“it is,” he said, giving a small, humorless laugh. “but someone has to do it.”

“and why me?” you asked, more serious now. “why was i the suspect?”

“because you’re too good at what you do for someone your age. and people like that… they’re either recruited or eliminated.”

you swallowed. “that’s comforting.”

niki looked at you then, the wind pulling at his dark hair. “but i know it’s not you. i knew weeks ago.”

“then why the hell did you disappear?” your voice came out sharper than you meant, and you hated that it cracked a little at the end.

he looked at you, really looked at you, and for the first time he didn’t have an answer ready. “because i was starting to care too much.” you froze. “i couldn’t think straight,” he went on, voice lower now. “i was supposed to be watching you. that was my job. to track you. report everything you did. but you kept… surprising me. being kind. being smart. being reckless. and then, you were in the middle of everything, and i wasn’t just trying to solve a case anymore. i was trying to keep you alive.”

you didn’t say anything. you couldn’t. the wind brushed past again, cold and biting, but you barely felt it. he was looking at you like he meant every word. like saying it hurt and helped all at once.

you were still halfway down the path back to hogwarts when he stepped a little closer. just a breath. barely a shift. but enough. “so yeah,” he added, almost a whisper. “i want you to be safe. not just because it’s my job. but because it’s you.”

and you stood there in the snow, the night holding both of you quiet and still, and everything between you had never felt more dangerous.

you walk the rest of the way in silence. hogwarts rises ahead of you, quiet and glowing against the snowy sky, but you barely notice the cold anymore. not with him walking beside you like that, close, warm, like he’s not quite ready to let you go either. every few steps, your arms brush, and every time it happens, your heart jumps. when you reach the portrait, you stop. your throat is tight, your thoughts spinning, and everything that’s happened tonight is pressing heavy on your chest. you turn to him slowly, unsure of what to say, unsure if you even can say anything at all.

he looks at you carefully, like he's memorizing your face. his voice is soft when he speaks. “just… think about it, okay? going home. not for me, or the ministry. for you. it might help.”

you don’t answer, not really. just a small nod, barely a movement. you’re not even sure if you mean it. you’re not sure of anything right now.

he steps closer, slowly. and then, gently, almost like he’s afraid to do it, he leans in and presses a kiss to your forehead. it’s barely a second, but it breaks you. because it’s soft, and real, and it says things he hasn’t let himself say out loud. it feels like a goodbye, or maybe a promise. maybe both. and you don’t move until he’s already walking away.

and when you step through the portrait hole, you feel like the weight of the whole night catches up with you all at once. your chest feels too tight, your eyes sting, and you barely make it to the fireplace before the tears start welling up in your eyes. you try to hold it back. you tell yourself to just go upstairs, sleep it off, pretend nothing happened. but your legs move before your brain can catch up. you don’t even know why—only that you need someone. someone safe.

you find yourself at the boys’ dorm, barely thinking, barely breathing. and when you push the door open, there he is. heeseung. sitting on his bed with a blanket around his shoulders, book in hand, looking up the second he hears you. “y/n?” he says, surprised. but not annoyed. never annoyed.

you don’t answer. you just walk straight to him, crawl onto the bed without a word, and curl into him like it’s the only thing keeping you from falling apart. he doesn’t question it. his arms wrap around you immediately, warm and careful, like he knows something cracked open inside you and he’s the only one who can hold the pieces together. you bury your face in his chest and the first sob escapes before you can stop it.

heeseung holds you tighter. strokes your back softly. doesn’t say much, just quiet things like “hey, i’m here,” and “you’re okay,” and “i got you.”

and you believe him. 

you didn’t take the train back home. even after everything, even after niki offered to take you himself, you stayed. you don’t really know why. maybe it’s the lingering fear, or the fact that you don’t want to explain to your family why your hands have been shaking a little more than usual lately. maybe it’s just easier to stay where things are complicated, but familiar.

and niki… well. he doesn’t leave you alone.

he doesn’t say that he’s watching you. but he is. always. whether it’s walking ten steps behind you on your way to the library or showing up conveniently five minutes after you sit down to lunch in the great hall, he’s there. a constant shadow. it would be annoying if it weren’t so… obvious. obvious that he’s trying. that he’s still scared for you.

heeseung notices it too. he sticks by your side almost as much as niki does, always a warm presence at your shoulder. he drags you out of bed when you don’t want to move, makes you laugh when your mind won’t shut off, and even tries to teach you how to charm a snowball to chase jake around the courtyard, which ends in disaster, obviously, but it makes you both laugh until your stomach hurts.

the days blur together. you and heeseung drink hot chocolate in the gryffindor common room, wrapped in thick blankets while enchanted snow falls outside the windows. you sneak into the kitchens and convince the house-elves to let you make gingerbread, which ends in a near food-fight that leaves flour in your hair and heeseung swearing he’ll never let you near powdered sugar again. you take long walks around the lake, watch the frozen water shimmer under the pale winter sun, and exchange stupid stories from your first years at hogwarts that you’ve both heard a hundred times.

through it all, niki stays close. never quite a part of it, but always hovering. sometimes, he and heeseung have these quiet little standoffs, nothing dramatic, just long glances and curt nods like they’re silently agreeing to disagree about something you’re not allowed to hear. you ignore it. mostly.

and then, before you even realize it, it’s new year’s eve.

you’re all gathered on the astronomy tower, just the few students left behind. someone’s enchanted a radio to play old wizarding songs, and the air smells like cinnamon and frost. there’s hot cider in your hands, your cheeks are pink from the cold, and you feel like you’re floating just a little above everything. like things are okay. like you’re allowed to breathe.

you’re leaning against the railing, watching tiny specks of light from hogsmeade in the distance, when niki appears at your side. as usual, silently.

he doesn’t say anything for a while. just stands there, the sleeves of his dark cloak brushing your arm. but then, without looking at you, he asks quietly, “are you and heeseung… together?”

you blink. “what?”

he turns to look at you, his face unreadable. “you’re always with him.”

you furrow your brow. “he’s my best friend. we grew up together. he’s practically my brother.”

he nods slowly, but doesn’t say anything else. and that’s when it hits you. the tone of his voice. the way he asked. the way he won’t meet your eyes now. he’s jealous.

the realization stuns you for a second, so out of place in everything that’s been happening, it almost makes you laugh. but you don’t. because now you’re the one staring, watching the slight shift in his expression, the tightness in his jaw. the way his fingers curl at his side like he doesn’t know what to do with them.

you’re about to say something (tease him, maybe) but then he mutters something about needing a minute and disappears into the nearby hallway.

niki steps into the cramped bathroom off the astronomy tower, the door swinging shut behind him with a hollow click. the tiled walls are cold and unwelcoming, mirrors lining two sides of the small room. he flicks on the light and stares at his own reflection—the dark circles under his eyes, the suspicious crease between his brows, the way his lips form a hard line that he can’t seem to smooth out.

he splashes cold water on his face, breath catching as the droplets sting his skin. get it together, he tells himself. you’re here on a job. you’re an auror. but the echo of your reply still rings in his ears: he’s practically my brother. the memory stabs at him. jealousy? of heeseung? when he was supposed to be protecting you, keeping you safe from people who would use you… and he’d been worrying about whether you were spending too much time with someone else. the absurdity of it nearly makes him grimace. a professional? an agent? or just a boy who doesn’t know his own heart.

he straightens his collar, brushes his hair away from his face, and looks into the mirror again. he reminds himself that everything he’s done—lying about his identity, pulling you away from danger, keeping his distance for weeks—has been for your safety. not because he cared too much. he shakes his head, trying to clear the guilt and confusion. focus on the mission.

when he finally steps back into the hallway, the space feels emptier than before. he’s almost certain you were right here, leaning on the railing, breath misting in the cold. and niki knew something was wrong the moment he returned to the tower.

the spot where you had been sitting just minutes earlier still looked lived in: your coat slightly folded over the ledge, a half-finished cup of something warm left behind. but you weren’t there. not standing, not waiting, not hiding just out of sight with that amused look on your face. and the drink, whatever it was, wasn’t yours. not the kind of thing you ordered, not the kind of thing he trusted. something icy coiled in his gut. his fingers hovered above the rim of the cup, then pulled back. he didn’t like the smell. didn’t like the stillness in the air. 

at first, he tried to be logical. maybe you’d gone to meet sunoo or jake, maybe you got tired of waiting and decided to call it a night. maybe you were mad at him for the jealousy, the tension. maybe it was all just a misunderstanding.

but then the clock ticked past fifteen minutes, then twenty, and your name began to sound strange in his mouth. panic tickles at the edges of his chest. he moves swiftly along the corridor until he finds heeseung and jake outside the portrait frame, bundled in cloaks and looking half as comfortable without your presence.

“have you seen y/n?” niki asks, voice tight. “where did she go?”

“we saw her talking to you,” heeseung said slowly. “like, fifteen minutes ago. then nothing. why?”

niki’s mind races. you wouldn’t just wander off in the middle of the tower. not tonight, not with whatever he’d said to you. niki hesitated, the weight in his chest sharp and sudden. “someone tried to poison her,” he said flatly. “a few weeks ago. at the three broomsticks. i don’t know who. or why.”

heeseung’s eyes widened. “she came back that night crying. i thought it was because of you.”

niki blinked, thrown off. crying? because of him?

but there wasn’t time to unpack that. he pushes past them, retracing his steps along the icy parapets, calling your name softly into the night. the breeze carries his voice away, unanswered. he checks every alcove, every shadowed doorway, each balcony ledge that overlooks the courtyard. nothing.

he tore through the castle after that. every hallway, every floor. he sent word to professors under fake pretenses. he summoned maps, tried tracking spells, used enchanted mirrors. nothing. no sight of you. not a whisper of where you’d gone. you weren’t in the common room. you weren’t in the owlery. you weren’t with the nurse, or the librarian, or any of your usual hiding places. and no one had seen you leave. no one even saw you get up from that ledge.

niki finally leans against a wall near the great hall doors, head in his hands, mind spinning. you're supposed to be safe. i’m supposed to protect her. but right now, he’s failed. you're vanished into the night, and no one knows where you are. the cold pressurizes in his chest as he realizes how out of control everything has become, and how desperately, painfully, he needs to find you.

that first night, no one slept.

heeseung was the first one to run through the castle beside niki, breathless, calling your name through every corridor like it would echo back to them with an answer. jake and sunoo joined soon after, both pale and panicked, and jungwon practically tore the library apart with shaking hands and a cracked voice. it didn’t matter how many rooms they checked, how many secret passages they tried, how many portraits they begged for clues, but none of them could find you. not even a trace. you had vanished.

by sunrise, niki was at the headmistress's office. the weight of his badge—something he’d always carried with quiet pride—now felt like a curse. he revealed everything. the undercover mission. the threat of potion trafficking. the poisoning attempt. and now, your disappearance. the words came out raw and broken, like they didn’t belong to him anymore.

by the end of that day, the ministry was involved. by the second day, your name was on every professor’s lips. by the third, flyers were floating through the air in the great hall. by the fourth, the other aurors arrived.

and through it all, niki didn’t stop moving. he didn’t sleep. barely ate. he sat through interrogation after interrogation, trying to retrace your steps down to the minute. he fought with the head of security. he argued with the map-keepers. he wrote twelve different reports for the ministry. he went to the forest twice, alone, against orders, just in case.

because it wasn’t just a mission anymore. it hadn’t been for a long time. you were missing. and he was the one who should’ve protected you.

by the seventh day, he was called into a private office in the ministry’s underground headquarters. everything in him was vibrating with rage, with restlessness, with the hollow ache of not knowing. when choi soobin walked in in a sharp robe, calm face, senior auror energy radiating off him like controlled fire, niki barely looked up.

“you look like hell,” soobin said simply.

niki huffed a breath, almost laughed. “i feel worse.”

soobin sat across from him, silent for a moment. then he slid a file forward. thick, slightly worn, full of pages. “we’re making progress,” he said. “slow. but real.” niki didn’t answer. his jaw was clenched too tight. “you want to tell me what’s going on?” soobin asked. “not the case. not the mission. you.”

niki closed his eyes. “i was supposed to keep her safe,” he said, voice low. “that was the one thing i promised myself. and i let her slip away while i was busy arguing with my own feelings. i knew she was in danger. and i let her sit alone with a fucking drink.”

soobin didn’t interrupt.

“i stopped looking at her like a suspect weeks ago,” niki whispered. “i started—i don’t know. caring. too much. and now she’s gone. and i have no idea if she’s okay or if she’s—” he couldn’t even finish the sentence.

soobin let the silence settle before he spoke again. “we found something,” he said, more serious now. “a name, tied to the movement of illegal ingredients through knockturn alley. someone old money. old magic. yoon.”

niki looked up sharply. “jeonghan’s family?”

soobin nodded slowly. “we can’t prove anything yet. but the pattern’s there. shipments. contacts. and whoever took her—they didn’t take her at random. she was getting close. and she’s powerful.”

the fury that surged through niki’s veins was immediate. white-hot. suffocating. he stood up so fast the chair scraped against the floor. “if they hurt her—”

“you’ll stay focused,” soobin interrupted calmly. “you want to find her? then keep your head. we’re going to bring her home, niki. but not if you lose yourself before we even get a lead.”

niki didn’t answer. because all he could see in his mind was your face—the way you smiled when you were teasing him, the crease between your brows when you were deep in thought, the look you gave him when you realized he was hiding something. he had memorized you. and he wouldn’t let this be the end.

niki had been watching jeonghan for weeks, long before you vanished.

at first, it had just been instinct. something sharp in the way jeonghan’s eyes shifted when he thought no one was looking. the way his tone changed depending on who was listening. the strange hesitations mid-sentence, the moments where he looked like he was about to say something and then didn’t. too controlled. too careful.

there was one day in particular, just before the winter break, when niki passed jeonghan in the hallway. the older boy was speaking to professor hong, the potions master. the conversation looked normal from afar. casual, even. but the second jeonghan turned to walk away, niki caught something in his expression. a flicker of something restrained and vacant. like someone who had been pressing on the same bruise too long.

it lingered with him. at first, he thought it might’ve been just house politics. pureblood pressure. the usual son-of-an-old-family expectations. but then the slip-ups started.

once, jeonghan had dropped a vial in class. it had shattered, hissing smoke into the air. and instead of reacting like a trained potioneer would, he flinched. visibly. like the sound of breaking glass meant danger. like he wasn’t used to handling potions at all. and that didn’t make sense. jeonghan was always top of his year in theory and practicals. but niki knew that look. the look of someone who was surviving something they couldn’t speak of.

then there were the disappearances. not major ones, not enough to alert the professors. just small gaps. study hours jeonghan missed. meals he skipped. days where no one saw him between classes, and he reappeared with excuses that felt a little too rehearsed. and every time niki tried to catch him alone, jeonghan either deflected or disappeared again.

still, it didn’t click. not until the week after your disappearance.

while combing through records in the ministry’s archives — mostly shipments, delivery logs, and restricted ingredient authorizations — niki came across an anomaly. three different orders of powdered root of asphodel, all signed off by the same person: professor hong. nothing illegal. not on the surface. but the quantities didn’t add up.

no professor needed that much unless they were brewing something… off-curriculum.

that’s when niki went deeper. he requested old reports. attendance records. student complaints. one name kept showing up at odd intervals: yoon jeonghan. nothing definitive. just traces. a detention here, a request for private tutoring there. all tied to professor hong.

what sealed it was a conversation he overheard in the restricted section of the library. he hadn’t meant to eavesdrop, but he caught professor hong’s voice low and sharp behind a bookshelf. "you’ll do what i asked. no mistakes this time." silence.

then jeonghan’s voice, soft and monotone: "yes, sir."

it wasn’t the words. it was the delivery. too flat. too obedient.

the imperius curse.

it hit niki like ice down his spine. jeonghan was being controlled.

and professor hong — the quiet, highly respected, vaguely boring potions master — wasn’t just an accomplice. he was orchestrating everything. suddenly, it made sense. how the illegal potions were being smuggled. why none of the alarms ever triggered. how someone had slipped a hexed drink under niki’s nose. why you had been targeted in the first place.

you were powerful. too powerful. and you were curious. someone must have noticed how close you were getting to the truth, or how much professor hong feared what you’d uncover. niki had been so focused on you and jeonghan that he hadn't looked at the one person who’d been standing at the center of every circle: the professor no one questioned.

he sat with the realization for hours that night.

he didn’t report it immediately. not yet. not without proof. the ministry would need evidence. something solid. but the fury that twisted in his chest was hard to hold back. especially because he knew now, with horrifying clarity, that jeonghan wasn’t the villain. he was a victim. and worse: if hong had the power and precision to cast a long-term imperius on a student without detection, it meant this had been going on for a long time. maybe even before niki arrived.

and that meant you — the one person who had stumbled into this by accident, the one who’d been brave enough to question everything — were never supposed to be part of the game. and yet, now you were the most dangerous piece on the board.

but niki wasn’t going to let the game end without turning the table over completely. not this time. not with you still missing. not when he finally knew who had pulled the strings.

hong was careful. he always had been. too careful, even now. and sometimes, especially in the evenings, when niki was crouched in the dark corners of the dungeons using the invisibility cloak, the professor would pause, mid-step, and glance around. eyes narrowing. head tilting. like he could sense something… or someone.

niki’s heartbeat thundered against his ribs every time. he never moved. never breathed. not until the professor walked away.

but something else started happening too. jeonghan changed. at first, it was small. longer pauses before answering questions. forgetting his bag in class. moments where he’d stare off at nothing, blinking like he’d just remembered who he was. and then, more drastic shifts — confusion in the middle of conversations, outbursts in class, shaky hands. it was like the curse was slipping, losing its grip.

niki followed him too, from a distance. he didn’t approach. not yet. the boy was unraveling, and niki didn’t want to push him over the edge. not without knowing what secrets might fall out with him.

and then, one night, just before the second week of the new term, jeonghan vanished. no one knew where he went. no one even noticed, really. except niki. he knew the timing was too precise to be coincidence. something was happening.

he was halfway down the stairs to the dungeons, steps fast and silent under his cloak, headed toward hong’s office with the full intention of blowing this whole thing open, with or without permission, when someone grabbed his arm. heeseung.

“she’s back,” he said, panting slightly. “y/n. she’s in the gryffindor common room.”

niki froze. his blood ran cold. “what?”

“someone found her outside the castle. she looks— i don’t know— out of it. she’s not saying much.”

niki didn’t wait. he turned on his heel and bolted.

heeseung followed close behind, but all niki could hear was the ringing in his ears. this was impossible. you couldn’t have just… shown up. not like this. not without a trace. not without the world bending to make room for your return.

when he stepped into the common room, he saw you. you were sitting by the fire, wrapped in a thick blanket, your hair damp like you’d been caught in the snow. your eyes were tired. red. you looked up slowly when he entered. you. but not you.

niki felt it immediately. something was off.

your posture. your breathing. the way your fingers tapped against the fabric of the blanket — too rhythmic, too precise. your eyes flicked to him, but didn’t soften. didn’t change. didn’t widen the way they always did when you saw him, even when you were mad. and when you spoke, your voice was just a fraction too flat.

“niki,” you said softly. “you found me.”

he didn’t say anything. just walked closer, like he was under some spell himself. “do you… remember what happened?” he asked carefully.

you shook your head. “not much. i think i was lost. or taken. i’m not sure. it’s all blurry.”

“you remember the day at the three broomsticks?” he asked suddenly.

you hesitated. “yes.”

niki leaned forward, voice gentle. “what drink did i order for you?”

you blinked. “um… pumpkin juice?”

the silence that followed was sharp as broken glass. niki didn’t move. didn’t blink. he stared into your eyes like he was trying to see through them. and maybe he was. you had hated pumpkin juice. said it tasted like sugared mud. this wasn’t you.

“you’re not her,” he said quietly.

and for the first time, the thing pretending to be you looked afraid. just for a second. you froze. lips parted, eyes flicking around like searching for escape.

niki stood tall. “where is she?” no answer. his wand was in his hand in an instant. “where. is. she.”

the polyjuice was already starting to falter — niki could see it now. your features twitching at the edges, like they were being stretched too thin. the shimmer of magic unraveling under his stare. and soon enough, it wouldn’t be your face he was looking at anymore. it would be jeonghan’s.

the common room erupted in chaos. heeseung stepped back so fast he nearly tripped over the rug. sunoo gasped audibly, hand flying to his mouth. jake muttered something under his breath that sounded dangerously close to a curse. the fire cracked loud behind them, casting jagged shadows across the face that was no longer yours — that never had been.

in the flickering light, jeonghan's transformation completed. your features melted off like wax, reforming into his, pale and shaken, his skin damp with sweat, his limbs rigid, as though his body couldn’t keep up with what had just happened. he stared at all of them like a cornered animal, breath coming fast, eyes wide with something that wasn’t fear but something worse: total confusion.

“he’s under the imperius,” niki said quickly, stepping forward. “don’t touch him—”

but jeonghan’s hands had already started to tremble violently. his knees buckled, and he collapsed onto the floor in front of the fire, gasping for air. like the spell was breaking piece by piece, like each second that passed was tearing apart the strings that had held him up for months.

niki crouched in front of him, lowered his wand gently, and without hesitation whispered the counter-curse.

liberare mentem.

a shimmer of silver burst around jeonghan’s head, thin like mist, curling upward before disappearing entirely. his eyes unfocused for a second. then, suddenly, they snapped to attention.

and he broke. “what— what did i do?” he whispered. “i didn’t know. i swear— i didn’t— where is— where’s y/n?”

“you’ve been controlled,” niki said, his voice steady, but his heart pounding so hard it echoed in his skull. “you weren’t yourself.”

“where is she?” jeonghan asked again, more desperately this time. he tried to sit up, but his body was shaking too much. “please—”

niki turned to jake. “get madam pomfrey. and professor mcgonagall. make sure someone watches him at all times, he’s still disoriented.”

“what are you gonna do?” jake asked, already halfway to the door.

niki stood up, eyes burning with the kind of fury that was too quiet to be anything but lethal. “end this.”

he didn’t run. he didn’t rush. but each step he took toward the dungeons was like gravity had shifted to pull him there. the corridor was colder than usual, like even the castle knew what was coming. portraits whispered as he passed, their painted eyes following him in silence.

when he reached the potion master’s office, he didn’t hesitate. the door was locked, of course, but a swift alohomora broke the spell. and just as he stepped inside, a flash of green light zoomed past his head, missing by mere inches.

professor hong was already standing at the far end of the room, wand raised, eyes hard. “you shouldn’t have come alone,” he sneered.

niki didn’t give him time for a second strike. “petrificus totalus!”

hong’s body stiffened instantly, limbs snapping to his sides like rope had been tied around them. he crashed to the ground, his face locked in a grimace, eyes still darting wildly.

niki didn’t flinch. instead, he reached into his robes and pulled out a small metallic coin etched with runes, a ministry-encoded auror flare. he pressed it hard between both hands and muttered a short, ancient phrase. it glowed crimson before disintegrating into dust, sending a silent signal across magical channels only the department of magical law enforcement could access.

reinforcements were coming. but niki didn’t wait.

he tore through the office, knocking over bookshelves, scanning every cabinet, ripping open floorboards. desperation clawed at his ribs, made his hands shake, made his breaths short. she had to be here. you had to be here.

and then he noticed a section of the stone floor that didn’t echo the same when his foot hit it. slightly hollow. a trick of old magic. he crouched, pried at the edge, and found a concealed latch beneath a false tile. the moment he yanked it open, cold air rushed up to meet him, damp and stale and too still.

a stone staircase spiraled down into blackness. his heart nearly gave out. wand gripped tightly, he descended fast but silent, each step feeling like a countdown.

and then, at the very bottom, the stairwell opened into a small, cold chamber, a dungeon with iron-barred walls and no windows. the air was freezing. and in the farthest corner, barely lit by the faint glow of his wand, he saw you.

curled in on yourself. knees to your chest. eyes half-open. breathing shallow.

“y/n,” he whispered, crossing the room in a flash. he dropped to his knees beside you, hands already reaching but not daring to touch.

you flinched slightly. but your gaze lifted. slowly. and locked on him. your voice came out barely a breath. “niki?”

“yeah,” he said, voice cracking. “yeah, it’s me. i’ve got you. i’ve got you now.”

and as he wrapped his arms around you, pulling you close, the dungeon around you both finally felt like it could start to collapse, because the only thing that mattered was that you were alive.

and that he had found you.

the week after niki found you was a blur of adrenaline and exhaustion, of whispered reassurances in the infirmary and courtroom silence in the depths of the ministry. niki hadn’t slept more than a few hours at a time — he didn’t want to. every time he left your side, it felt like a piece of him stayed behind, hovering over your still body, watching the slow, shallow rise and fall of your chest as madam pomfrey muttered healing charms with furrowed brows.

you didn’t remember much. not yet. only flashes. a room without light. the feeling of being watched. the sound of footsteps echoing above you. you remembered fear, but not the shape of it.

niki stayed beside you anyway. through the first night, when you only stirred twice, mumbling incoherently. through the second, when your eyes finally opened for more than a few seconds and you blinked up at him, confused, then whispered his name like it was the only thing you were sure of.

and he’d whispered back, "i’m here. you’re safe now." and your lips had curled into the faintest smile before sleep took you again.

when he had to leave, because duty pulled him back into the mess that had stolen you away, he did it reluctantly. always leaving word with jake or heeseung, who rotated shifts like clockwork. jake would sit by your bed and tell stories, some true, some wildly embellished, just to keep the room light. heeseung rarely said much, but he was always there, shoulder barely brushing yours as he read next to you, quiet and steady. sunoo would braid your hair with warm hands and soft humming, and jungwon brought small trinkets from the greenhouse — lavender sprigs, chamomile leaves, things he said would make you feel calmer.

but while you healed, niki fought.

he combed through every detail of the case. professor hong had orchestrated the entire scheme from inside hogwarts for years. under the guise of developing advanced curriculum for potion prodigies, he’d manipulated access to restricted ingredients, developed illegal variants of memory-altering draughts, and had them smuggled out through connections to the yoon family — most notably, jeonghan’s estranged uncle, a known trafficker.

jeonghan had been one of many students placed under the imperius curse to serve as pawns. hong had targeted him specifically because of his last name, knowing the ministry wouldn’t suspect anything with a yoon seemingly playing the part of a loyal student. but with the curse broken, jeonghan’s testimony became critical. niki sat with him more than once during debriefings, watching guilt twist through his face like it would never leave. he wasn’t just collateral damage, he’d been a tool, a mask, a weapon, and he couldn’t forgive himself for not knowing.

the ministry moved quickly once the truth unraveled. aurors raided hong’s personal storage units across wizarding britain, seizing thousands of galleons’ worth of contraband. students who had unknowingly taken part in trials — subtle mood swings, unexplained memory gaps, illnesses no healer could diagnose — were examined and treated. and at the end of that long, brutal week, hong was tried under full witness testimony and sent to azkaban for crimes against magical minors and potion trafficking of class-a restricted brews.

niki testified in full robes, standing tall and quiet, voice never wavering. he told them everything: what he saw, what he missed, how close it came to being too late. 

back at hogwarts, madam pomfrey began allowing short walks around the infirmary by day five. you were still weak, drained, quiet, but your strength was returning bit by bit. sometimes you reached out in your sleep and caught his sleeve like you were afraid he’d vanish again.

he never pulled away. the evening of the seventh day, he brought you a cup of honeywater and sat on the edge of your bed. the sun had set, painting the windows in gold and plum. you looked at him with clearer eyes, and for the first time, you asked: “was it really him? professor hong?”

niki nodded slowly. “we got him. he won’t hurt anyone again.”

you stared down at the cup, then up at him. your voice was barely a whisper. “thank you for finding me.”

he smiled softly, tiredly, and reached out to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear. “i never stopped looking.”

and for a moment, the whole world — the trials, the reports, the broken pieces of what had been done to you — faded into the background.

by the ninth day, you started remembering. not all at once, but like loose pages scattered by wind, settling slowly into your hands. fragmented flashes at first: music in your ears, the firelight, a voice laughing behind you. a cup being pressed into your palm. the scent — something sweet. unnaturally sweet. it smelled like amortentia. but not quite.

it hit you on the tenth morning, after your tea, when madam pomfrey left you alone to stretch your legs by the window. you remembered the warmth of the cup against your fingers that night, how your head went fuzzy a few minutes later, and how you smiled anyway, because nothing seemed wrong. you remembered walking, not entirely by your own will. your feet leading you somewhere while your thoughts floated miles behind, detached and weightless.

you remembered walking down the stairs. lower. lower. through a hidden passage behind a tapestry you didn’t know existed until your hand brushed it aside like you’d done it a hundred times. and then the stone door. the cold. the shadows.

by the time niki returned from a ministry meeting that afternoon, you were already sitting upright in bed, breath shallow, eyes wide with the weight of the memory.

"i remember," you said before he could even open his mouth.

he crossed the room in three strides, kneeling beside your bed like he’d been waiting his entire life to hear those words. “what do you remember?”

you told him everything. voice trembling, but steady.

the drink. the way your body responded without your mind’s consent. how you reached the door to the dungeon already forgetting why you were there. how every morning, the professor would appear in the doorway, soft-spoken, warm-eyed, placing another cup into your hands. how you drank it, over and over, because he told you it would help you focus.

and then the brewing began. you made potions. one after the other. your hands knew what to do, even if your mind felt like it was underwater. you stirred, you poured, you bottled. and in the haze, he said you were brilliant. gifted. necessary.

and you believed him. because the potion made you believe him.

“it wasn’t amortentia,” you said, rubbing at your arms like the chill from the dungeon still clung to your skin. “it smelled like it — but it was different. he labeled it ‘717 oblivira.’ not the real thing. it was… altered.”

niki’s face was carved from stone. “modified potion,” he murmured. “with mind control elements. twisted into a subjugation brew. that’s why it passed under the ministry’s radar — no known classification.”

you looked at him. really looked. “how long was i there?”

his jaw tensed. “almost a month.”

you nodded slowly, then said, “i want to testify.”

“y/n—”

“no,” you cut him off. “he used me. he violated my mind, my magic, my will. i need them to know what he did.”

niki didn’t argue. he just took your hand, brushing his thumb over your knuckles.

“i’ll be there the whole time.”

and he was. two days later, when you were strong enough to walk on your own again, the ministry arranged a private hearing inside hogwarts. they brought in a pensieve, and under niki’s watchful eye — and heeseung and jake standing just outside the doors in case you needed them — you gave your testimony.

you described the scent. the mental fog. the pain when you tried to fight it, the way it made your limbs sluggish and your thoughts disintegrate. you told them about the dungeon, the instructions left for you each day, the ingredients labeled with strange numbers, the shimmering flasks that you weren’t allowed to touch once completed.

you said his voice had changed after the first few days. less gentle. more demanding. and most of all, you told them that you never once chose to stay.

the pensieve captured your memories with chilling clarity. you saw yourself through its silver haze, eyes vacant, lips parted in a dazed smile, hands moving automatically over cauldrons as hong whispered to you from the doorway.

when it was over, no one spoke for a long time.

the chief auror, soobin, turned to niki. “this confirms it. hong used class-x mind alteration methods on a minor. he’ll face trial under full magical manipulation statutes.”

you exhaled shakily, the weight lifting just enough to breathe.

that night, niki walked you back to the gryffindor common room for the first time since you’d returned. the castle was quiet, blanketed in winter's hush, torches flickering low in their sconces. the red and gold of the portrait door glowed warm in the dark hallway, but your feet hesitated, heart skittering.

you looked up at him, eyes tired but soft. “thank you,” you said again, voice barely above a whisper.

he shook his head, gaze falling to yours. “don’t thank me.”

you hesitated, fidgeting with the hem of your sweater. “i’m… kind of scared to go in.”

his eyes sharpened, concerned. “why?”

“i know it’s stupid, but… it’s the first night back. sleeping alone feels—wrong. like my body remembers being locked up even if i don’t.” he didn’t say anything for a beat, but the muscles in his jaw tightened. he hated that. he hated that you had to say that. you bit your lip, then added, “can you come in with me?”

niki glanced at the portrait. “if anyone sees me—”

“they won’t. it’s late, gryffindors sleep like rocks.” you gave a soft, fleeting smile, like you were trying to make light of it. “plus, it’s me. i break curfew at least once a week. the fat lady’s used to it.”

he huffed a quiet laugh, running a hand through his hair. “alright. just for a bit.”

the common room was dim and empty, the fire reduced to soft coals, the air thick with the scent of old parchment and leftover christmas pine. your steps were slow on the stairs to your dorm, and he followed without a word.

inside, the curtains on your four-poster were drawn back. your things sat untouched, like time had paused in the room while the rest of the world spun on. you sat on the bed, pulling the covers back. niki stayed near the door, eyes flickering across the room like he was still scanning for danger.

you laid down, turning your head to look at him. “are you gonna just stand there and stare at me like a creep?”

he blinked, caught off guard. “i’ve gotten used to it. at the infirmary, i just sat there while you slept.”

you smiled, sleepy and fond. “well… we’re not at the infirmary anymore.”

he didn’t answer right away. then, slowly, he stepped closer, sitting on the edge of your bed, then eventually lying down beside you, tentative and careful. you turned to face him, noses just inches apart. your eyes searched his face, trying to read all the things he never said out loud.

“why do you care so much about me?” you whispered.

his expression twisted, like you’d pressed a bruise. “because i do,” he said, voice low and hoarse. “because i started to before i even realized what was happening.”

you didn’t say anything. just watched him. watched the way he blinked slowly, like each word tasted bitter, like it scraped on the way out. you could feel the tension thrumming between you, delicate and electric.

“i thought i was prepared for this,” he continued, eyes fixed somewhere just past you. “i thought i could stay detached. do my job. figure out the case. keep you safe. that was it. that was supposed to be it.” his voice cracked a little, and he shut his eyes for a second, swallowing hard. “but you… god, you made it impossible.”

your breath caught in your throat.

“you’re funny,” he said, the corner of his mouth lifting just slightly. “and reckless. and smarter than anyone gives you credit for. you talk about books and potions like they’re life and death. you argue with professors just because you know you’re right. and you care so much—even when it hurts you.” his eyes opened again, meeting yours, soft and devastating. “you got under my skin so fast i didn’t even notice until it was too late.”

you blinked, trying to process the weight of his words, how they settled warm and aching in your chest.

“when you disappeared,” he said, voice lower now, barely above a whisper, “i couldn’t sleep. i couldn’t eat. i kept seeing you in the corner of my eye, hearing your voice in places you weren’t. i thought i was losing it.” he let out a shaky breath. “and when i found you—when you looked at me like you knew me, even after everything they’d done to you—something in me just…” he paused, looking down at his hands. “snapped. i think that’s when i realized. i think i was already in love with you.”

your heart thudded so hard it almost hurt.  you could feel it in your fingers, your toes, the tip of your nose. that unbearable, beautiful pressure of something blooming far too fast.

he looked back at you then, eyes full of something sharp and scared. “but it’s wrong,” he said again, softer now. “you’ve been through so much. i was supposed to be your guard. your shadow. i shouldn’t feel like this. i shouldn’t want to kiss you right now more than i’ve ever wanted anything.”

you reached out without thinking, your fingers brushing the back of his hand. his breath hitched.

“it’s not wrong,” you whispered. “not if i fell too.”

you watched his whole body still. like time folded in on itself, holding its breath. he didn’t move, not right away. his fingers flexed beneath yours, as if grounding himself in the fact that you were real, that this was real. his eyes searched yours like he was trying to find the catch, the twist, the moment when you’d laugh and say just kidding.

you didn’t. and in that quiet, heavy moment, you could feel something shift. you didn’t kiss, but his hand turned, palm to palm with yours. and his pinky hooked around yours, just barely. like a promise. you were still lying side by side, not touching apart from that small, fragile link. but everything else, every unsaid word, every feeling that had been burning slow and steady for weeks, was between you, humming like a heartbeat.

his pinky stayed hooked around yours for a long time. neither of you moved. neither of you spoke. the space between you was still and warm, filled with everything you hadn’t said, everything you didn’t need to say anymore.

his eyes kept flickering to yours like he was memorizing you. like he was still waiting for permission. and then, finally, you gave it.you leaned in slowly, like a tide rolling in. your forehead touched his first. and he exhaled, like he’d been holding his breath this whole time. his nose bumped yours gently. your hand slid up, fingers brushing his jaw, and he leaned into the touch like it undid him.

“can i?” he whispered. so soft you barely caught it.

you nodded. and that was all it took.

his lips met yours like a sigh. like he’d been aching to do it for lifetimes and was only just now being allowed. there was nothing rushed in it. nothing messy or desperate. just care. just warmth. just him.

he kissed you like he was trying to say thank you and i missed you and i’m sorry and i love you all at once. and maybe he didn’t say the words yet, but you felt them. every single one. you kissed him back with all the pieces of yourself that had been cracked and patched and held together these past few weeks. you kissed him back like maybe this was the one thing that could stitch them all whole again.

his hand came up to cradle your cheek, thumb brushing just beneath your eye like he was afraid you’d disappear if he didn’t hold on. and you didn’t want to look away, didn’t want to break the moment, so you didn’t. you just let it happen. you let yourself fall.

when you pulled back, barely an inch, your noses still brushed. you opened your eyes and he was already looking at you. smiling. not the smirk he wore when he was trying to tease you. not the grin he gave when he was covering something up. a real smile. soft. reverent. safe.

he tucked a piece of hair behind your ear, fingers lingering there like he wasn’t ready to let go. like he didn’t have to rush now that you were finally here. “you’re here,” he said quietly, voice barely above a whisper, like the words were fragile. like saying them too loud might break the spell. “you’re really here.” his eyes were wide, almost disbelieving, and they kept flicking between yours and your mouth like he was still trying to memorize you. like he didn’t quite trust that this wasn’t a dream. 

you nodded, blinking slowly, heart so full it almost hurt. “i’m here.”

something in him crumbled at that. the tension in his shoulders fell away, the worry in his eyes softened, and he exhaled like he’d been holding his breath since the moment he met you. he pulled you close then, wrapping an arm around your waist, and you curled into him without hesitation. like gravity had decided for you. like maybe it had been pulling you toward this moment all along.

your face pressed against his chest, and his heartbeat was right there—steady and warm and human. your hand rested lightly against his ribs, feeling the rise and fall of each breath like proof. he’s here. i’m safe. he held you like he was trying to memorize the shape of you in his arms. like this was something he’d dreamt about but never thought he’d be allowed to keep.

and then, he leaned down again. slower this time. softer. his nose brushed yours, and your eyes fluttered shut. his hand cupped your jaw so gently, like you were something breakable. something sacred. his lips met yours again, but this time, slower. deeper. he kissed you like he wanted to stay in that moment forever. like he was pouring every piece of himself into it. everything he couldn’t say. everything he hadn’t dared to feel. every night he’d sat beside your bed in the infirmary and prayed you’d open your eyes.

and you kissed him back just as softly. your fingers curled into his shirt, anchoring yourself to him. his other hand found your waist and stayed there, grounding. reassuring. you’re real. you’re here. you’re his.

you didn’t rush. didn’t pull each other closer too fast. you just stayed there, lips brushing and pressing and brushing again, over and over, learning the shape of each other’s mouths like it was something sacred.

when you finally pulled back, your foreheads stayed touching. your breaths mingled in the space between you, short and quiet and warm. you opened your eyes and he was already looking at you. his thumb traced the curve of your cheek, then lower, along your jaw. his touch feather-light. his lips still pink from kissing you.

“this isn’t wrong,” he murmured, voice a little hoarse.

“no,” you breathed, “it’s not.”

he smiled then, small and full of something quiet and glowing. not hope. not relief. something deeper than that. something that felt like beginning.

he laid back beside you, still close, but no longer needing to hold on quite so tightly. you both just stared at each other in the dark. nothing else existed. just the shape of his smile, the softness in his eyes, the warmth where your fingers still linked loosely.

no more spells. no more secrets. just you and him. safe. together. finally.

and outside the window, snow was just beginning to fall. a quiet, glimmering blanket over the castle. like the world was tucking you in. like something had ended.

and something new was just beginning.

author's note: this has been sitting on my drafts for ages!!! i wrote this fic months ago, but hogwarts aus always had a grip on me and i knew i had to do it eventually. this was my first time writing something with niki as the main character and honestly i loved how it turned out!! so if you made it all the way here, thank you for reading, it means so much to me!! send me an owl if you liked it 🦉✨

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pem taglist: @rairaiblog @nqdirr @iyoonjh @saeris-world @jayparked @solonenova @izzyy-stuff @gh9sty 

© all rights reserved @/heejamas — do not repost, copy, translate, or modify my works without explicit permission. these are works of fiction and are not meant to represent real-life actions, thoughts, or personalities of any public figures

[myjjongie]

THE DRAGON AND THE LADY ── PARK JONGSEONG

SYNOPSIS ⸝⸝⸝ from the day you were able to understand the things around you, you were relentlessly told about the long lineage of your family's history. being blood tied to a saintess—hand picked by the gods. you learned everything there was to learn. from the great start of the saintess and the dragon's alliance, to their inevitable downfall. you learned all of it. soon earning your parents strict instructions to never socialize with the dragon of your generation. yet now here you were standing at an altar, face to face with him—jay. all for the emperor's will of wishing you to bear jay's child.

WORD COUNT ∿ 42k

PAIRING ∿ dragonborn!jay x noble lady!fem reader

GENRE/WARNINGS ∿ marriage of convenience, love at first sight, pregnancy trope, runaway trope, angst, violence, mentions of blood, slight slow burn (jay wants the damn cookie), sexual tension, smut MDNI; oral (f. receiving), masturbation (m & f), slight breeding kink, unprotected sex, slight overstimulation - if i forgot any sorry

EVIE'S NOTE ˚. ᵎᵎ one whole month later and we’re finally here !!! FIRST this was HEAVILY inspired by the manhwa "It Was Just a Contractual Marriage". SECOND, this is my first ever long fic and its insane to me that i was truly able to cook up over 40k+ words (i am so sorry OMG). it did take a bit for the release of "the dragon and the lady" but i really hope the wait was well worth it. i also want to thank @heejamas @yeonmuse and @hoonieyun for being my proofreaders in this long process of a fic (and @heesmiles for proofing my smut :3). their support means so much to me and truly kept me inspired the whole time. time to sleep like a (barely) normal person again :3. i really hope you all enjoy this fic (aka my newborn child). MWAH <3

Your whole life, you were taught the upbringing of your family’s history. You lived by it. Learned from it. The family history had all started from a woman. Yet she wasn’t just someone ordinary. She was deemed a saintess. The Saintess—handpicked by the gods. Chosen to help, aid, and lead. As she went on spreading her wisdom and solace to the people. The saintess soon met an unfamiliar being—a dragon. 

The mystical being was unlike anything she had seen before. Eyes colored like gold that quietly held the lowering sun in its eyes, scales that glistened like obsidian whether in the sun or moonlight. Then when the dragon morphed into a human, it was shown to have midnight hair that swept across the floor, with a build that of an adult man, all while still having those piercing golden eyes. The Saintess soon became intrigued by this being. Her only wish was to form a friendship—a connection. The Dragon happily accepted her offer, hoping to learn more about the humans that shared the world with him.

But soon The Saintess would be betrayed by The Dragon. It was said he hurt the people around The Saintess, going as far as burning down the things important to her. From then on The Dragon was sworn to never be forgiven so long as The Saintess willed it. As The Saintess’ kin expanded, so did The Dragon’s. As the children of The Saintess grew older and bore children of their own, the blessing bestowed by the gods withered away. With it, they were now regular humans that walked along the earth. 

While learning your family’s history, you were strictly told to never converse with the dragon, look at him, or ever be near him. You didn’t understand why your parents stressed on it. Maybe it was the fact you were the first girl born to the family in centuries. Even then it was a consistent reminder at every social gathering. Even so, you never once saw the infamous dragon.

That was until the year of your debutante. 

There he stood, in the middle of the ballroom—glued to the Emperor’s side. Plastered in iron armor from shoulder to toe, accompanied with a black cape which dragged across the floor. As you studied him you took note of the intricate sword securely sheathed at his side. Just like the story, the dragon had midnight hair. But his eyes were a different color—from a distance they looked to be silver, but you knew it held more than that. Even if you couldn’t talk about the dragon, you knew of him. 

Said to be both the Emperor’s war dog, as well as his adoptive brother. You heard many things that were whispered amongst the maids at home. 

“I heard he won a whole war without even needing an army to back him up!” One maid stated. 

“Well I heard he’s killed over thousands and thousands of men! On and off the battlefield!” Another maid chimed in.

You didn’t remember much of what the maids gossiped over or chatted about in truth. But every time you heard the fleeting giggles and whispers of his name, you were quick to eavesdrop. Not caring if what was said about him was negative or positive. You truly wanted to learn more about him. Part of you felt connected to him. Perhaps it was the way you grew up listening about the family history. Or maybe it was the insistent discipline from your father and mother to stay away from him. Despite all of that you grew curious of him.

Soon your ears perked at the mere exchange of his name echoing amongst the chatter. Head turning slightly to catch a peripheral view of him. Even underneath all the heavy armor you knew his build was strong, his height clearly showed for that, since he was many inches taller than the Emperor.

Your body gently jolted at the firm hand suddenly placed on your shoulder. “Y/N sweetheart I was calling out for you.” It was your father. “The Emperor wishes to congratulate you on your coming of age.” lips turning into a soft smile.

“Sorry Father. I was lost in thought for a mere moment.” Flashing an apologetic smile.

“It’s okay sweetheart, let’s not keep His Majesty waiting.”

Placing your hand on his forearm, you both made your way to the two special guests. You could feel your father tense up as you neared the Emperor and dragon. It was your first time being face to face with the man you were forbidden to see. Of course your overly protective father would be stressed in this scenario.

“If it isn’t the lady of the hour!” 

As you approached the Emperor, a smile spread across your lips. Your steps stopped, fingers grabbing the outer layer of your intricately designed dress, curtseying before greeting him. “Greetings to the empire’s sun.” As you rose back up, your fingers still held onto the silk fabric—waiting for the Emperor to dismiss you.

“I can’t believe you’re already seventeen Y/N. I remember you being only five years old, as if it was just yesterday! You have truly grown into a beautiful young lady!” As the Emperor spoke proudly your body eased—knowing you were able to speak rather comfortably with him.

“Your Majesty, thank you for the sweet words.” Your soft smile unwavering. “I’m very thankful for your help in setting up my debutante. I am truly lucky having His Majesty lend a helping hand.” 

As your father, The Emperor, and you conversed a little more, The Emperor’s words were cut short. “My. Where are my manners? I haven’t even introduced you to my dear brother.” His hand gestured the dragon forth.

Your head tilted up. Finally face to face with the man you heard so much about since the moment you first heard of his name. You were finally looking at Jay. It would have been a lie if you denied not knowing his name. Of course you knew it. Your parents may have forbid any mention in front of them and you, but that didn’t stop the hushed talks within the manor. From the first day you heard his name, you made sure to memorize it—him—like a memoir. 

“Y/N I would love for you to meet my brother Jay. I’m sure you’ve heard many things about him?”

A gentle laugh left your lips, readying yourself to lie in front of your father and Emperor. “No, not that I am aware of. My apologies for that.” Hand placed on your chest, you slightly bowed— feigning forgiveness. “It’s alright. Your lineage is indeed connected to The Saintess, so of course your father wouldn’t let you hear things about Jay.” The Emperor laughed. Chuckling at how serious your parents took The Saintess’ will.

“I’m so sorry Your Majesty. I pray that this act of parental care did not offend you.” Your father’s voice came off troubled, bowing in submission—fretting that he committed a horrible sin.

“Raise your head my dear friend. I am not offended in the slightest. Your deep adoration for your daughter is admirable. Don’t stress too much over it. Instead, may these two greet one another?” The Emperor placed his hand on your father’s shoulder, making sure to reassure his rising anxiety.

A light sigh left your father’s lips, happy to know the family wasn’t going to face the emperor’s wrath. Your father’s hand was firm on your upper back, gently ushering you to talk to Jay. Even if he seemed confident, deep down you knew how much he hated the idea of this. Taking the push, you warmly spoke. “It’s nice to formally meet you, Your Grace.” Curtseying once more. 

You felt nervous for some reason. Was it from finally meeting Jay in person, or could it have been the mana of his dragon powers—feeling like a lingering ghost against your skin. Your head craned up, waiting for his reply back. All you got was a gentle nod of his head, paired with a disinterested look. 

“Come on now Jay, give the young lady a response. Don’t just nod your head.” 

The addition of The Emperor’s words made you probe the interaction more. Was Jay unsatisfied with you? Was there something you did to displease him? Your soft smile faltered at the growing questions bubbling in your mind. 

“My apologies lady Y/N. It’s nice to meet you as well.” Jay lowered his head, bowing politely all while extending a hand to you. 

You felt hesitant to take it, already worried your presence alone was unsatisfactory. Yet once your hand was in his, it was almost as if a missing puzzle piece fell into its correct spot. The touch of armor on your skin was cold—soothing in a way. It felt as if your hand in his was right in the world. Your eyes flickered up to Jay’s face, finally taking the moment to study every feature on him. 

The first thing you noticed was the tinge of blue tucked into the depths of his eyes. Ever so lightly replicating the deep blue sea engulfed by sea foam. A gentle laugh verberated in your chest. Finding it amusing you were right about him—even if it was just his eyes. 

Jay’s head tilted slightly—unnoticed to the people around him. He found your hushed laugh sweet, wishing to hear more of it. Then his thoughts paused. Fist tightening as he remembered his place in the world. Even if he was curious about you, at the end of the day you were The Saintess’ kin. No amount of persuading within himself would make him pursue more than just watching you from where he stood. 

Noticing your hand still placed awkwardly in his. Jay leaned down, leaving a gentle peck of his lips against the back of your petite hand. Your face flushed at the sudden contact. It was indeed customary for men to kiss the hand of the woman they greeted. But you truly didn’t think Jay would do so. 

Suddenly your father cleared his throat—pretty loudly. The unexpected sound made you draw your hand away from Jay’s. Once your hand was away from his you turned to look at your father. While you looked away, Jay stared at the cold armor encasing his hand. He may not have felt the warmth of your hand directly. But that didn’t mean he missed the heavy weight of your hand in his. 

Looking at your father, you noticed the expression he gave. Almost as if he was signaling for you to finish up your interaction with Jay. Not wanting to stress out your father anymore than you already had, you turned back to Jay.

Finger tips grabbing the sides of your dress you bowed down. “It was very nice meeting you, Your Grace. But I believe my father wishes for me to head back with him.” Once finishing your sentence did you stand back up to face Jay.

“It was nice meeting you as well My Lady. Congratulations on your debut.” 

The corner of your lips lightly raised at his words. Giving one last curtsey, you turned to head back with your father. As you left, Jay’s eyes didn't look away from you—unsure of when he would truly see you face to face again.

“I see you had an enjoyable time talking to the girl.” The Emperor spoke—mocking evident in his tone. 

Jay’s head turned to glare at the man, displeased with how he referred to you. “Now. Don’t give me that look. You truly didn’t think I wouldn’t notice the clear enjoyment on your stoic face?” This time letting out a scoff. Jay turned away from The Emperor, unwilling to give him the reaction he wanted.

As The Emperor walked in front of Jay he spoke one last time. “But fret not my dear brother. You’ll see her again soon enough.” As Jay listened to his brother, his eyes landed back onto you. Watching you from the other side of the ballroom, brows furrowing as his words sank in. Jay knew something terrible was being planned.

With the ending of your debutante, years went by. Throughout the years you attended many more social gatherings. Within those gatherings you began to instinctively look for Jay. Eyes darting around looking for that familiar shade of black hair. But to your avail, there was no luck. Jay never showed up to any other social gathering since your debut. 

You soon found out he was sent to fight in a war after your debut, finally understanding his new lack of absence in society. Once hearing about the new information you stopped looking for him at the parties. Instead all you would do was pray for his safety. Every night as your hands were clasped together, you stood outside at your balcony asking the gods to look after his safety. 

You didn’t know why you did it. All you knew was if your parents found you praying for Jay’s safety, they surely would’ve died from shock. Even if your parents kept up the pretense of hating and disliking Jay due to his dragon origins. That didn’t stop you from wanting to care about his well being. You continued this new formed habit for the next year, before you would receive news that would truly change the path of your life.

Once Jay arrived back from war he was immediately told to have an audience with his brother. As much as he wished to ignore it and him, The Emperor was very insistent on wanting to speak to Jay. Making his way through the castle halls—followed by the echoing sound of heavy armor rattling with every step—Jay tugged the suffocating helmet from his head. Forehead still drenched in sweat from the long horseback ride to the kingdom. Now at the door of the audience chamber, Jay took one look at himself. He was still covered in blood. An annoyed sigh left his lips knowing his brother was going to surely lecture him about his appearance. 

Pushing through the heavy double doors himself, Jay made his way to stand before his brother. “Greetings to the Empire’s sun.” Jay’s voice was calm, yet held irritation behind it. Jay stood tall, hands behind his back—preparing himself for the conversation. As Jay prepared himself, The Emperor sat at the head of the room. Slouching slightly in his throne chair, eyes not leaving Jay for a single moment.

“My dear dear brother you’re finally back from the war. What has it been? Around five years or so?” The Emperor mocked. “You couldn’t have cleaned off the blood before you got here?” He complained while plugging his nose. 

“Well brother. You insisted I meet you right away to talk.” Jay retorted.

The Emperor sighed out. “Well it doesn’t matter. The thing I want to talk about with you is brief anyways.”

Jay’s fists curled tighter into his armored hands, a habit he created to not outwardly show his emotions. “And what was it you wish to tell me?”

The Emperor sat himself up on his throne. Preparing himself for the reaction his so-called dear brother would give him. “Well. I am arranging for you to marry that girl related to The Saintess.” A wicked smile now splayed across his face, truly amused with the twisted emotions coming across Jay’s face.

“Well in truth, the main reason for your arrangement is that I want you to have a child with her.”

Jay’s eyes widened, not with acceptance and joy, but that of unwillingness. Why would his brother do such a thing? His brother knew fully well of the circumstances within your family. There was no way imaginable they would agree to this arrangement. Your parents marrying their pure innocent daughter over to a monster like him? Then on top of that, having a child with you. It was ridiculous.

“I refuse.” As Jay answered, his voice came off more hoarse, more demanding and firm. This would be the first time in his life that Jay would refuse something his brother had commanded.

An amused laugh left The Emperor’s lips. “See I knew you’d say that. That’s why I’m gonna tell you something very important. So important that you truly won’t be able to refuse this arrangement.”

This time Jay let out a chuckle, believing his brother’s words to be one big bluff. “Then tell me. What type of information do you have that would ever make me say yes to this ridiculous plan of yours?”

“It pertains to your mother Jay.”

“What are you even saying? My mother died when she gave birth to me! You are my brother by title, so how dare you mention her like this!” Jay’s voice rose the more he spoke. Feeling his temper rise at the situation.

“To be truthful now. Your mother has been alive this whole time.” Jay’s face changed within the second. Brows furrowing at the thought of his mother—in which he never met since birth—being alive this whole time. “You see, after she gave birth to you some magicians of mine were able to keep her stable. So at the very moment she’s in this limbo of life and death. Essentially her death is controlled by me if we’re gonna be honest.” 

There it was again, that sly smile, The Emperor knew he truly had Jay in the palm of his hand yet again. While he gloated in satisfaction, Jay still stood there—bewilderment twisting into his facial features. “This. It can’t be true…”

“Why are you doing this, why her? Why need another monstrous child?!” Jay’s voice grew louder, all while his mind became engulfed with chaos.

A scoff echoed through the room. “That ridiculous family has finally birthed a daughter after only birthing sons for centuries. And while you are here alive and well why not take advantage of this chance? A child mixed with the blood of a Saintess and a Dragon born, don’t you think that would be exceptional for me?”

Jay stood there, not wanting to believe a single word. He always knew The Emperor was not as kind and gentle as he showed off, but this. This was nothing more than pure evil. “I know, I know. The sudden news is hard to accept. But if you ever want to meet your mother you know what needs to happen. How about you think on it. Okay?”

Jay thought about his brother’s words, the situation he was now being ushered into. Even if the dragon wasn’t raised by his mother, he always felt some sort of affectionate attachment to her. Hoping those emotions alone would soothe his misery of what he is. As Jay turned his body, The Emperor spoke one final time. 

“You know what will happen if you refuse Jay. So truly think wisely about this choice.” 

With those final words, Jay trudged his way out of the audience chamber. Pushing open the doors more meekly as the exchangement of words sank in. The walk to his room was one big blur, mind disoriented and filled with pros and cons on the marriage arrangement. 

Once inside Jay closed the doors behind him. As he stood there armor clad hands pressed against the wooden door, he couldn't help but feel defeated. Soon his hand curled into a fist, then with one swift motion Jay landed a punch onto the door. The contact of armor echoing throughout the room. 

“This can’t.” Jay sighed out. Truly not knowing what to do now. 

If there was one thing Jay knew for certain, was that you would die. 

While the children of The Saintess were blessed with her holy power. The Dragon’s kin were foretold to be cursed. From the moment they are born into the world they emerge from their mother’s stomach. Essentially killing the mother not even seconds after birth. Of course the newborn doesn’t wish to kill its only true source of nurture and love. But that was the price to pay for being the kin of The Dragon.

Yet his mother was somehow saved—even if it meant her being trapped in a limbo for the rest of her life—but that revelation wouldn’t teeter Jay from the truth. 

You were still weak and fragile. How could you possibly carry a dragon born in your body, especially for nine months? From the moment he first laid his eyes upon you he felt his whole world light up in a way he never knew could be possible. Even if five years had gone by he still remembered your face, the way you softly laughed that night, and even the comforting weight of your smaller hand in his. 

Jay felt an emotion for you he couldn’t quite pinpoint. It couldn’t have been love, for someone like him didn’t deserve to feel that luxurious emotion. Instead Jay deemed this new found feeling as obsession. Yes that’s what it was, the reason why you were on his mind those 5 years he spent fighting in the war. He couldn’t forget the way your hair framed your alluring face, or the way your gentle doe-like eyes started into him.

Jay was just enamored with the sole idea of you. But now with the new arrangement, this unwarranted obsession would in truth be harder to control. And deep down Jay wasn’t sure if he could accept that.

While Jay struggled with his new found information you were just as conflicted as well. That evening of hearing the news, your mother came into your room—panic evident in her voice. “My darling you must get dressed and come with me to your father’s office.” 

You sat in the seating area, book in hand. Your head shot up at the sudden disturbance of your mother. “Mother, what are you talking about?” Placing the now closed book in your lap.

“Just get dressed and we can talk about it when we’re with your father.” Your mother was surely hiding something. Yet your confused demeanor didn’t let you think too much on the matter. 

Before you could ask for your maid—Serim—to come in, your mother beat you to it. Serim was someone entrusted to you for the past couple of years. She was around your age, just a couple years older than you. Her hair was a light brunette color, accompanied with hazel eyes to match. Pulling yourself up from the cushioned chair. You proceeded to stand in front of the full body tri fold mirror. Arms out at your side, waiting for Serim to help undress you. 

Serim was quick with her work, she always had been. Efficient with styling your hair to match your attire. And Serim had achieved that once again. There you stood, hair done up in a half up-half down, paired with a casual cream colored dress with long sleeves. 

“There you are, My Lady. All done!” Serim stood to the side, allowing you to bask in your reflection. Even if Serim helped you with countless beautiful looks, she was still always happy with her finished work. 

You turned to smile at her, showing your utmost loyal appreciation for her. “Thank you Serim. You always know how to help and dress me up.”

“Oh please My Lady, you’re too kind!” 

Before you and Serim could go on more with your shared compliments, your mother was quick to stop you. “As much as I would love to sit and listen. Y/N, I really need you to come with me to your father’s office.” You quickly became quiet. “Oh, yes mother. My apologies.”

Your mother didn’t reply back—her attention focused more on meeting with your father. The walk to his office was quiet, yet oddly rushed. What was so important your mother showed clear stress towards the matter? “Mother is everything alright?” Questioning her, maybe even hoping she’d be willing to speak early on the matter. Instead you were ignored, her mind truly being only focused on the three of you speaking together. 

Finally making it to the office, the servants at the door pushed open the large doors to let you both inside. Now inside, it was only the three of you. You stood there beginning to feel awkward, your father sat at his desk—hands clamped together while his brows knitted into a tense expression. For your mother, she immediately made her way to the seating area, slouching into the couch—which was very unladylike of her.

After seeing this you knew there was something terribly wrong. “Mother. Father. What is it that is plaguing your mind so terribly at the moment?” Your voice broke the chilling silence. “Y/N.” A deep sigh left your father’s lips. “My sweetheart, please sit down.” You still stood there confused, taking a few seconds before making your way to sit down. Pulling out the seat in front of your father, you gracefully sat yourself to face him. “Father, please. What is going on? You and Mother are worrying me.” “Y/N, I. We.” Your father breathed in heavily, finding the words within himself—yet he still struggled to speak. 

After what felt like many minutes—which in truth was merely one minute—your father spoke. “We received a letter from the royal palace. More so, from The Emperor himself.” His words faded off. Your head tilted in confusion.

“What could truly be the problem? Our family has backed up the royal family for many centuries. What could His Majesty have said in his letter that has shaken you up like this?”

Soon you could hear the faint hicks and sobs from your mother, head frantically turning. Did the family do something to make His Majesty upset? What could there have been for your mother to now start crying. She was the type of lady to never show her inner emotions outwardly—unless she was by herself or with Father alone. Turning back to look at your father, his face looked paler than a few seconds ago. “Please! What is going on with the both of you? I’m starting to get scared.”

“My love! Just tell her already. I can’t let this go on for any longer!” Choked sobs left your mother this time around. 

You could hear your father gulp, before he spoke. “The Emperor. His Majesty has arranged you to marry His Grace. Duke of Seathal, Jay Velpark.”

You sat there stunned. If there was one thing The Emperor knew about our family it would be the legend of The Saintess. Not only did His Majesty know of it, but so did everyone in the empire. So why would he pair you both together? “Surely, you can deny this request? His Majesty knows about our story, The Saintess’ legend. Why would he even entertain that idea?” A wretched laugh leaving your lips. 

“We can’t deny his request.” “What do you mean? He may be the emperor, but his word is not always law…” Truthfully you didn’t hate the idea of being betrothed to Jay, in a way it excited you. Getting this rare opportunity to see him for the rest of your life was surely uncalled for. But as you watched your parents wallow in their own despair, you began to feel guilty. How dare you find excitement in His Majesty’s arrangement, while your parents were suffering in front of you.

“His Majesty. He stamped it with the Imperial seal.” Your father’s head lowering deeper into his hands.

“No, that. He wouldn’t?” Everything now dawned on you. The reason why your parents looked so defeated and heartbroken. The Imperial seal was a stamp strictly used for important orders that couldn't be denied. The stamp was an insured demand to agree—denying the seal would lead to immediate execution.

You always thought The Emperor was kind and caring. Yet he stamped the Imperial seal on this request. No. His demand, knowing fully well your parents wouldn’t deny it. You sat there perplexed, unknowing on what to do or even say at this point. All you could do was accept it, for putting up a fight would just be utterly meaningless.

“Your wedding is going to be held next month. During this time you will immediately go into etiquette training-”

“Wait Father. I’ve already learned most of my etiquette growing up. What else is there for me to know?”

“Y/N. You are to be marrying the Duke, that would soon make you a Duchess. You would need to learn both more etiquette and proper training to govern His Grace’s land.”

In truth, you had forgotten Jay was a Duke. Growing up viewing him as The Dragon’s kin, it had slipped past your mind that he was given the title of Duke. As well as a land of his own to govern and care for. Seathal was said to be a territory of land constantly veiled in snow. A land shrouded in winter almost all year long.

Long ago before the tale of The Saintess and Dragon, Jay’s territory was said to be a land full of lush greenery. Filled to the brim with fields full of flowers—ranging from all kinds one could think of. Next to the capital of that land was a sea port, reasons for how Seathal got its name. The port was widely known for its exotic trades and abundance of goods from all around the world. 

But when The Dragon parted ways with The Saintess, he made Seathal his new home. Very soon encasing the town in an eternal winter. Yet for some odd reason, every year around the time of The Saintess’ birthday, Seathal became a bit warmer, more liveable. Subtle flowers blooming in various places, accompanied with fruits and crops sporadically growing across the town. This strange phenomenon only lasts for four months.

The townspeople viewed The Saintess highly for this, deeming the strange break in the season to be an act of pity. They were grateful for her blessing, but that didn’t mean they hated The Dragon as well. 

Another key factor about Seathal was its frequent monster attacks. Due to The Dragon marking that place as his new found territory. Monster attacks lessened—they still happened—but the people were protected regardless. As much as some people wanted to hate The Dragon and his kin, they couldn’t deny the sole reason they still stood was due to that mystical being. 

Anchoring yourself back to the conversation you looked at your father—truly bewildered. This was a lot of responsibility being thrown at you. Being just a young noble lady belonging to a fairly normal household, you were soon to become a Duchess—essentially overnight. Your life would be flipped, unaware if this was gonna be for better or for worse.

“I know this is all very shocking to you my dear. You can head back up to your room if you’d wish to do so.” All your father could do was look at you somberly. Tears daring to leave his eyes. Your father always held himself up strongly—the same as your mother—so for him to almost cry. You could barely begin to understand how much this was affecting the both of them.

“I’ll be heading off to my room then.” Your voice came off weak and dejected, the changing future now settling within you.

As you stood up from the seat you were engulfed in a hug—it was your mother. Faint sobbing leaving her lips as her embrace tightened. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” You hugged her back just as tight. You didn’t know what to feel, part of you was satisfied with this outcome of a marriage partner. But on the other end, you hated seeing your parents feel defeated. They felt like they were betraying The Saintess, you knew that, but there was truly nothing else that could be done now.

Soon you were relieved from your mother’s hug, shaky hands cupping your face, truly taking in the moment of everything. Bidding your mother and father a good night you headed to your room, feet dragging as you walked along the carpeted halls. Making it to your room, you were greeted with a cheerful Serim. Yet once she saw the look on your face did her own smile drastically change as well.

After undressing and settling in bed did you muster up the courage to tell Serim everything. From being arranged to marry Jay to the arrangement being a royal decree, you told her everything. Serim was silent. Then she spoke.

“My Lady, I will go with you to Seathal.”

You shot up from the bed, shocked at her words. “Serim please, I didn’t tell you this so you felt obliged to come with me. I only wanted to tell you cause I thought you should-” Your words were cut off.

“My Lady, I wish to go with you so that I can still serve you by your side. Not that I feel obligated or am told to do so. This is something I truly wish to do.” There it was, that gentle smile Serim always held.

That was one of the things you found comfort in over the years you spent with her. You could feel your eyes water up, truly feeling grateful to have Serim in your life. “Thank you so much Serim. Truly, your loyalty means everything to me. Not as a noble lady, but as someone that views you as my friend.” Your arms opened up to hug her, face burying into her chest in an attempt to cover up your soon tear stained face.

Her embrace was just as strong, if not tighter than your own. “My. My Lady!” Serim sobbed out, her words cut short, truly feeling that she was unable to explain her deep sincerity towards you. Soon enough your room was engulfed in shared cries and sobs.

Pulling away from Serim you rubbed your tear stained face feeling a little bit better about things. You looked ahead to see her face drenched in tears and a runny nose, you let out a little laugh. “Here, take this and start heading off to bed.” Opening the drawer in your bedside, you retrieved a handkerchief. Taking Serim’s hand you placed the cloth in hers.

“Thank you so much My Lady, it means a lot.” Gratefully taking the handkerchief she began to wipe away her tears and snot.

“I will head off to bed then. Sleep well, My Lady. I’m always here if you need someone to talk to. Please remember that. I may be your maid first, but your well being is more important to me than you know.” Standing up and stuffing the cloth in her dress.

“Thank you again Serim, you sleep well as well.” You gave a smile in return. You watched as Serim bowed before turning to leave.

Once the doors to your bedroom had closed a deep sigh left your chest. Tilting your head back slightly you stared at the ceiling above you. Thinking things over in your head, you turned to get up from your bed. Standing up from the mattress, you head over to the edge of the bed to grab your robe. Tightly wrapping it around yourself you made your way to the balcony.

Pushing open the balcony doors you were immediately met with the chill air of the night. Closing your eyes to bask in it, you made your way to the railing. Placing your hands on the marble rails you stared off into the starry night above. The color instantly reminding you of him, the night sky always did. It was funny how the color of the night sky above reflected the same color of Jay’s hair, maybe that was one of the reasons why you began to miss him over the past five years.

As you stood there for a couple minutes you soon clasped your hands together. Head lowering a little, you were preparing to pray. But this time it wasn’t a prayer for Jay’s safety. No. This was a prayer for your family, for Serim. For you. You prayed to the gods that no matter what happens, that from here on out things would surely be okay.

The next month went by in a flash. During the first week you were introduced to your new etiquette classes, as well as being measured for your wedding dress. In the second week you were taught all there is to know about Seathal and its laws. The third week felt less busy, only focusing once more on your etiquette. Then came the last week of the month, probably the most struggling week you had in a very long time.

The beginning of the final week started off with finishing preparations for your wedding dress. Then you were sent to the palace, staying there in the meantime—since that was where the wedding would take place. 

It took you a couple nights to become adjusted, not doing well in the new room. You never had a single problem sleeping anywhere before. But for some odd reason, when it came to the palace, you couldn’t sleep a wink. Serim was there with you the whole way, finding out remedies to help you sleep. Even going as far as to bother the royal doctor to cook up something for you. It was truly a miracle you managed to sleep soundly the night before your wedding without needing anything to help.

That night as you fell asleep, you stared at the wedding dress. Beautifully propped up across the room—the faint moonlight shining down on the ivory fabric. You truly couldn’t believe it. The wedding with Jay was tomorrow. Your heart raced in your chest—a mild feeling of anxiety eating away at you. A sigh left your lips as you tossed and turned in the bed, before closing your eyes for the night.

That morning was extremely hectic, maids and servants were constantly running about. All desperate to get you prepared in time for the ceremony. Everyone was very adamant that you were to sit back and relax. You could barely even relax to begin with, for it was the day of your wedding. You thought of many things to help soothe your growing anxiety, humming a lullaby your mother sang to you, remembering fond times you spent with your father, or the social gatherings you attend with your friends. But all of it didn’t help, if anything it made you feel worse. 

Later that evening you were finally done. Your wedding dress was a gorgeous ivory color, faintly resembling the color of a white lily. Your hair was in an intricate half braid, paired with a small crown and matching ivory veil. You couldn’t believe it was truly you in the mirror, you had looked so different with a wedding dress on. In a way you felt nostalgic.

Soon Serim called for you—she would help escort you to the wedding hall. Once joining arms with her, you made your way down the castle halls. Bouquet now in hand, breathing in and out deep breaths.

“Are you nervous?” Your head turned to look at Serim, head tilted at you in curiosity.

You let out a slight laugh. “Honestly, I don't know how to feel Serim. Do I feel happy for the fact I’ll now be a wife. Or do I feel upset for my parents who didn’t ever want something like this to happen?” You turned away from Serim, still confused on the swirling emotions in your chest. It felt as if water and oil were swishing around, unable to mix and blend well together. Only causing a great deal of discomfort instead.

“Well My Lady, if I could add. What do you feel most when you think of marrying His Grace?” Serim had stopped her steps, simultaneously bringing you to a halt as well. You turned over to her, taking her question into true consideration.

“I. I feel excited about it. For as long as I remember there was a connection I felt with His Grace. Maybe it was because of our connected story, or maybe it was something less than that. All I know is that I don’t feel opposed to this. I’m ready for this new chapter in my life!”

“Then lead by that My Lady, your parents only feel this way cause they deeply and truly care for you, but don’t let those emotions hinder you from how you want to feel.” As Serim finished her words a solemn smile formed. Her other hand placed on top of your interlinked arm—reassuring you in any way she could.

“Serim, here I am thanking you a second time. When I myself have done nothing in return for you.” 

“Don’t thank me My Lady, your happiness and smile is what is truly important to me. Keep doing that and I am more than satisfied.” 

You wanted to trample Serim into a hug at that very moment, but knew it was unjust—especially regarding where you were headed. You kept a mental reminder to do so on this action later. You gave Serim’s hand one last tight squeeze, paired with a thankful smile before making your way to the hall.

Making your way to the wedding hall doors, you were greeted by your father. This time around he had a more bittersweet expression. Proud to see his daughter finally marry, but saddened for who his daughter would be married too. But instead of making it about himself, he truly smiled all to make you feel better.

“Oh my sweetheart, you look beautiful.” He spoke fondly, reaching out a hand for you.

Letting go of Serim you took his hand, giving him a gentle squeeze. “Thank you.” You gave him a quick hug, feeling bittersweet as well. You both turned to face the door, ready for the servants to open the doors.

Before the doors opened your father spoke up softly. “Just know Y/N, no matter what happens. Your mother and I will always love you and will always be here for you.”

You smiled to yourself, head raising as you answered him. “Thank you father.”

With that the doors finally opened. Taking the signal you both proceeded down the aisle. It was a minor wedding, not too grand for many people to come. But also not too underwhelming, for you were marrying The Duke. At the end of the aisle stood Jay. Dressed in an ivory suit to match your dress, it was the first time you had seen him without the iron armor. But it was especially the first time you saw him after the last five years.

You could tell he aged somewhat over the years, fighting in a war for that long would surely age anyone. But the moment he turned to look at you—even if it was slightly briefly—was as if you saw him for the first time again all those years ago. Those silver eyes which held a deep blue at its center, along with his midnight hair you’d spend years comparing the night sky too. A piece of you then found solace in this marriage, even if this was a marriage of convenience for The Emperor. Despite knowing that you truly agreed within yourself to find the positives in this shared life together.

Finally making it down the aisle with your father, he left a quick peck on your cheek. Quickly noting this would be the last time you’d receive affection from your father in a long time. You gave your father a happy smile—one full of warmth and longing.

There you stood, once again face to face with Jay after all these years. You kept your head low, feeling shy now that you were under his gaze. On the other hand Jay was almost losing his mind. He had only ever dreamed of something like this during the five years he was away. Seeing you in a wedding gown, none the less right in front of him. Jay could feel this thread of control breaking, yet seeing you all innocent eyed. He just couldn’t think if you like that.

When he looked at you he couldn’t think of going through with that ridiculous plan. That jerk brother of his was not going to win no matter what. Even if it meant going through the whole marriage not bedding you, Jay would commit to it. As long as it meant The Emperor wouldn’t get his way in the end.

“Today we bring forth a union between two people. One born under The Holy Saintess. While the other under The Mighty Dragon.” The priest soon began his speech, occasionally looking up from the altar—refrring to you both.

As the priest spoke, your eyes slowly looked up at Jay. Despite your eyes being casted by the sheer veil, you were able to see Jay’s eyes stare back into yours. The stare you held with him felt intimate. Almost as if he was staring at more than the outside, it felt like his eyes were looking in. Looking through your soul. 

“As a representative of the Gods above, I approve this marriage of oath between you. Do you, Jay Velpark, take Y/N Marowen to be your wedded wife by oath?”

Jay was quick with his response, his tone cold yet held a faint warmth of affection. “I do.”

“And do you, Y/N Marowen, take Jay Velpark to be your wedded husband by oath?”

Your voice came off strong yet slightly hesitant. “I do.”

“Now you may finalize your vows with a kiss. Please confirm by the Gods that your oath is true.”

After exchanging rings you looked up at Jay, eyes studying him as you waited patiently for him. Jay slightly raised his hand—proceeding his way to kiss you—but in doing so, he saw The Emperor out of the corner of his eye. Seeing him wear a satisfied smile on his face. The memories leading up to this moment flooded by him in a flash, his jaw clenched slightly, still upset at the main cause of it all. 

But when he looked down at you, all of that faded from his mind. Jay truly wished the union between you both happened in a normal sense. Maybe in another timeline of life, he would’ve let himself be in love with you. He wished he was in love with you. Yet he knew he wasn’t deserving of it. 

Getting pulled from his thoughts Jay felt small hands place against his chest. His eyes focused to see you leaning in slowly for the kiss. “They were all waiting I’m so-” Your whisper was cut short, feeling a large hand snake at your waist—tugging you forward.

“We should do this properly at least.” His other hand found its way to your face, cupping your cheek gently as he leaned in.

Jay’s lips on yours felt electric, as if you were missing this touch of physical affection your whole life. The hand that cupped your cheek slowly moved to hold your chin as his lips began to feverishly melt into you. Your hand that was placed at his chest was now clutching his suit in desperation. Your fingers ached at the feeling of Jay’s tongue lick past your lips. This feeling caused a strange sensation to sparkle in you.

Jay began to immerse himself too much into the kiss, truly enjoying the way you clutched his suit—a hopeless tactic to help anchor yourself. Jay knew he needed to end the kiss, but your lips were like a siren’s song beckoning for him. Once his tongue swiped past your lips, he knew he was now in too deep. 

The motion that made Jay stop the kiss was the light feeling of your hand tapping at his chest. Not wishing to give you any discomfort, Jay complied and parted ways. You shyly looked away—frantically catching your breath. Jay turned over to see the small crowd flustered at the scene. Your parents held a shocked expression, while The Emperor found his actions comical. He knew Jay was always infatuated with you. And this moment truly proved his point. 

“I hereby declare the two of you husband and wife. With that we conclude this ceremony.” Declared the priest.

Jay softly sucked his teeth at the dawning realization. He had lost himself into the kiss, into you. But as he looked down at you, seeing your flushed face as you caught your breath. He wanted to kiss you all over again. Without realizing his next movements, Jay pulled you to his side, hand placed possessively at your hip. You looked up at him confused, but he remained unphased—leading you out of the wedding hall.

Once outside the doors Jay left your side, in all honesty you hated it. In the short amount of time you were already used to his larger hand settling on your waist. Serim headed towards you both, greeting Jay first and then running to your side. You felt like you wanted to say something to him, feeling like you wanted to commemorate your marriage with him. But before you could say anything Jay made his way down the hall—leaving you and Serim alone.

For many normal weddings in the Decelis Kingdom it was customary for the bride to move in with the groom right away. But due to the circumstances of Jay being a Duke as well as a member of the royal family, you both had to stay a night in the palace before heading off to Seathal. Once entering your guest room you were immediately changed out of your wedding dress. 

“Serim what else do I have planned for the evening? I thought after the wedding it would be me getting ready to head to Seathal?” You stared at Serim, confusion clear on your face. Intricately watching as she stripped the wedding gown off of your body.

“Well my lady, usually after the first wedding night you must consummate your marriage.” Her tone was a bit flustered as she spoke, after all. She was implying that you would need to bed Jay tonight.

“Wait, that's tonight?!” You stared down at Serim—as she continued her work.

“Uh. Yes My Lady it is.”

Serim finished helping you with your dress—leaving you bare. Turning away she walked over to the wardrobe to grab a specific piece of clothing. “I thought that would happen once I’m with him in Seathal?”

Serim spoke—facing the wardrobe while rummaging about. “Well yes, but since he is a part of the royal family and you are both staying here for one night. You would need to do that duty tonight.”

You stood there stunned, it wasn’t like you were unaware of sex. You knew all about it—almost all about it. From listening to the maids yet again or hearing it from your fellow aristocrat friends. You began to have an idea on what sex was. You weren’t as innocent as meets the eye, but you were indeed still pure. So of course part of you would begin to create nerves on the thought that you were to lose that purity. But at the end of the day, this was now a part of your duty for being a newly married woman.

Serim soon finished up her searching in the wardrobe. Snapping out of your thoughts, you focused on her, wondering what it is she finally found. Noticing the curiosity on your face she pulled the item of clothes in front of her.

In one hand was a somewhat modest set of lingerie, while in the other a faintly sheer robe. You pointed between the both, too surprised to speak. “Surely, I’m not meant…” All Serim could do was lightly nod her head. You let off a soft pout, before accepting the fate of things.

Once dressed Serim helped escort you to Jay’s room. Thank goodness his room wasn’t too far—just around five doors down— it was enough to manage getting there in the get up you were in. Serim knocked on the heavy door, the sound echoing in the silent hall. “Your Grace, Lady Y/N is here.”

There was a silent pause—feeling as if minutes went by—then a response. “She can come in.”

Serim gave you a silent pep talk before pushing the door open for you. The room was poorly lit, curtains covering up the lowering fiery sun. Yet the faint glow of the fireplace allowed some light in the room. Due to the poor lighting it helped ease you, grateful that Jay wouldn’t be able to see the attire you’re in. 

Your eyes scanned the room, soon noticing him near the fireplace. He sat in a single couch stationed in front of the fire, a semi empty wine glass in hand. Jay must have been drinking. As you walked over to him you noticed a circle table perched at his side—half finished wine bottle opened.

“Your Grace?” As you made your way towards him your hand faintly reached out to touch his shoulder, thinking that he didn't hear you walk over to him.

Before your hand could meet his shoulder, a strong grip engulfed your wrist. You looked down to see Jay’s hand tighten—his grasp was firm yet still gentle. The sound of the couch’s chair legs screeching against the floor startled you. Unconsciously you took a step back—frightened by the sudden noise—yet your body was yanked forward. 

You were now at arms length away from Jay, eyes roaming your body as he studied your attire. “I. Uh.” You were hesitant to speak, cheeks flusteredly heating up. 

Jay saw the way your cheeks reddened like budding roses, finding the flustered look amusing. Yet when he saw the outfit you were in. His thread of reasoning was starting to fray again. He couldn't give into his desire to have you, not when he made that promise merely today. Yet as he remained silent you still spoke.

“I was sent here to consummate our marriage, Your Grace.” Jay’s jaw clenched. Imagining the mere idea of you beneath him, gasping for air all with the addition of your sinless eyes covered in tears. He wanted to see it all, do it all.

Jay was quick to dig his nails into his palm, reminding himself of what he told himself. Uncurling his fist, Jay raised his hand to reach for you. His hand began to roam amongst the collar of your robe—slightly pulling it back—eyeing the bare skin that laid beneath it. “You don’t have to refer to me as Your Grace. Just Jay will suffice now.”

The cold feeling of his fingertips left a chill to run down your spine. You didn’t envision Jay as the kind to act overtly affectionately, thinking he would go for it right away. His touch truly was gentle. As his fingertips danced along the fabric—occasionally grazing your skin—you could feel he wanted more. “I’m not sure if I can do that yet. Your Grace.”

Jay exhaled, finding your reluctance to refer to his real name endearing. Yet in all honesty, referring to his formal title was surely the least of his worries. While you both stood there exchanging the few little words you both had, Jay’s hand moved its way up to your neck. Making sure to not harm you, his touch was tentative to you.

His hand slowly made its way to your chin, thumb tucking underneath as he tilted your head up. “In due time I know you can say my name. But I'm sorry Y/N, I don’t think we can consummate our marriage now.” Jay watched as your eyes shifted into a look of confusion. 

He already knew the questions forming in your head. Before you could ask why he answered. “Your body is far too fragile. Remember Y/N I’m a dragon born, you're a human.”

“Yes, I understand that but.” You swallowed back, finding your words. “They’ll check to see if we shared a bed.” 

Admittedly, Jay overlooked that the royal servants would be coming to check in the morning. They wouldn’t take anything for an excuse, especially with his brother breathing down their neck. The servants were sure to conduct a thorough check on the consummation. “We’ll just make them think we did.”

Your head tilted at his words, confused at his implication. Jay noticed your changed expression. Hands leaving your body, he turned away making his way over to the bed. Your eyes watched his every move as he made his way. As Jay sat down on the edge of the mattress, his hand reached out for you.

Like a moth drawn to a flame you aimlessly began to walk to him. You could feel his eyes focus on you, attentive to every step you took. Once again your hand was placed in his. A soft smile formed at the corner of his lips, looking up at you he saw the shy expression you held. If he wanted this plan to be believable Jay needed to know where your heart lied.

“Do you trust me?” Was all he asked.

You were hesitant for a second unsure of how to answer him. Of course you trusted him, but part of you still felt uncertainty. Yet trust was the first thing you needed to give one another. If this would be the first step in creating that, you had to take that step.

Looking into his eyes you nodded your head—implicating a yes. Soon his other hand guided you to sit on his lap. You couldn’t help but immediately tense up at the sudden closeness. “Just relax, I’m not gonna do anything crazy.” His words were low as he whispered in your ear.

The feeling of goosebumps scattered about on your body, finding his warm breath on your ear ticklish. Your hand reached up to your ear, all while instinctively backing up from him. Still his hold was firm, allowing you to be pressed closely to him. Your eyes scanned his face, darting back and forth trying to figure out what he was gonna do. His hand reached up pushing your hair behind your neck. “The only way for them to not question anything is if there’s visible evidence.”

You finally understood what Jay was getting at, if there were visible marks left on your body, there was no way they would question the night. Then you remembered your purity. “But. Your Grace, I’m still a…” Your voice paused—finding the courage to speak. “A virgin... How can we fake that?” Concern laced in your voice.

You saw the way his facial features morphed—thinking of a way to prove your assured loss of purity. “I have an idea. You may not like it though.” His voice was sultry, eyes locked onto your neck as he focused in.

Without any more shared words your neck became occupied. Jay nuzzled into the crook of your neck—simultaneously taking in your scent. The feeling sent an unfamiliar warmth into your hands. That same warmth you felt when he kissed you earlier.

Unable to contain the feeling your hands found its way to his shoulders—firmly holding on hoping to steady yourself. The feeling of something soft—yet warm—soon cascaded across your neck. Was Jay kissing along your neck? 

Your shaky hand let go of his shoulder, soon to be tangled in his dark hair. Jay looked at you from the corner of his eyes, admiring the scrunch in your brows. Feeling satisfaction that his actions were eliciting these reactions out of you. You couldn’t help but bite your lip, the warm tickling sensation eliciting something within you, causing you to hold back. 

Jay continued on with his actions, leaving soft kisses along your neck, all the way up to your ear. He enjoyed the way you would instinctively back up from him, relishing in the way you reacted to these new shared moments with him. 

Not wasting another second Jay began to inflict on his plan. The soft kisses he littered along your neck soon became harsher—yet the sensation didn’t hurt. In between kisses it felt as if he was sucking on your neck, occasionally leaving the feeling of his teeth against your skin. 

You would soon be greeted with the feeling of gentle nibbles every time Jay laid harsher kisses along your neck. As Jay continued onward he felt the way your body tensed as a muffled moan was encased in your mouth. He wished to hear your voice yearn for him, want him, need him, tell him to do more. But Jay knew he would be playing a dangerous game if he pressed on more. 

Finally, Jay’s lips left the nape of your neck. Your fingers left his hair once he pulled away—Jay already missed the absence of your fingers intertwined in his hair. As he pulled back his thoughts were interrupted, quickly admiring the marks that cascaded along your neck. Solely concentrated on the red spots complimented by faint pink ones. A satisfied smile creeped into the corner of his lips, yet this wouldn’t be enough. 

“Just one more moment.”

Jay eyed the deep v cut beneath your robe—another clean canvas to work on. Knowing deep down that some marks should at least be there as well. Soon Jay dipped his head down once more. Hand now placed at your lower back, allowing him to lean you back. A soft yelp escaped from you, the sudden movement scaring you. 

Your hands clutched at his loose shirt, fearing that Jay would possibly drop you. “I won’t drop you. Nor will I ever hurt you.” His words whispered against your skin. Something in you fluttered, you couldn’t tell if it was the way your stomach flipped at his words, or your heart beating loudly. You were sure Jay would hear it. Hear the rapid beating of your heart reacting to him.

A quiet whimper slipped past your lips, shocked by the warm sensation of Jay’s lips meeting with your chest. You prayed Jay didn’t hear you, for it felt indecent, especially when it was all an act. Yet despite your prayers he did hear it, he picked up on the way your breath hitched, the rapid beating of your heart, he had heard it all. 

Hearing your gentle whimper only urged Jay to continue. Lips feverishly kissing across your skin once more, paired with slight nibbles with his teeth. As he proceeded more into the action he couldn’t help but dip you lower. Your eyes squeezed tight at the feeling, fingers clutching tighter onto his shirt. 

The feeling of his lips against your skin soon vanished. Yet you were still lowered back, you felt the way his hand softly tightened against you. Slowly opening one eye you saw the way Jay looked at you. 

Eyes seemingly half lidded, full of something, something unspeakable yet also mutual between you both. Before you could say anything, you were now sitting on the plush bed. Your head craned up, noticing that Jay now loomed over you. His movement so quick you didn’t even take a second to process what happened. 

Your head slightly tilted to the side, questioning what he planned to do next. Yet as you sat there wondering about him, Jay’s eyes once more roamed your figure. You sat before him covered in love marks he had given you. He felt himself wanting to tear off the band-aid which held him back. But he wouldn’t. He couldn’t. 

He was satisfied enough knowing he was able to give you the marks that seemingly accompanied your skin. Yet also knowing you were within arms reach for as long as he would live, meant that much more for him. 

“Your Grace?” That gentle voice of yours called out to him. Jay was quick to ground himself back, his bold silver eyes now looking into yours somewhat longingly.

“Sorry. I was momentarily thinking.” 

You nodded your head in understanding, while doing so, Jay took this moment to walk away from you. Your eyes followed him, glued to his back watching his every move. As he walked back to the side table—out of your visibility—picked up something. Once grabbing what he needed Jay headed back to you. You still sat there patiently waiting for him, wondering what he was thinking of doing now. 

Finally stopping in front of you, his hand came up from his side. You watched closely, questioning what was guarded in his hand. As Jay showed the palm of his hand, a gleam of steel flickered for a brief minute. Then as your eyes adjusted to the dim lighting, you noticed what was truly held in his hand.

A dagger.

You quickly noticed the intricate design carved in, the grip of the blade spiraling into one, while the cross-guard encased a red gemstone you had never seen before. A gemstone so deep in color, it faintly reminded you of blood. 

“What is that to be used for Your Grace?” You couldn’t help but ask him with concern laced within your tone. One brow lifting up as you watched attentively. 

Jay now grasped the dagger correctly. To then hover it over the other side of his hand—palm facing up. “For this.” The next scene of events shocked you—your face drained of its color. Your brows instinctively raised in shock, throat running dry as you watched the crimson droplets hit the floor. The color truly matching the gemstone mended into the blade.

“Your Grace! What?! Are you crazy!” Any tone of formality diminished watching Jay clutch his cut up palm—allowing more blood to ooze in his fist. You rushed to stand up—slightly tripping over the fabric of your robe—from where you sat, panic evident in your body language.

All Jay could do was look at you confused whilst you stirred in panic. The cut indeed hurt for him, but it wasn’t as severe as the wounds he collected on the battlefield. In a sense this only felt like a measly paper cut. 

Nevertheless, watching you scramble over yourself in a desperate attempt to aid him, made him feel happy in a way. He knew finding satisfaction in this was wrong, yet watching you run up to him holding onto his arms tightly. It made him feel seemingly important.

“Your Grace! You’re bleeding. I. We.” Your voice was shaky, unable to know what to do in the situation. What you knew you needed most was a handkerchief. Before you could turn away your body was stopped. 

Looking down you saw Jay’s hand holding onto yours—dagger now completely out of view. You craned your head back up to try and read his face, yet you couldn’t. “It’s okay Y/N.” As Jay reassured you, he soon led you back to the bed. 

All you could do now was watch him in confusion, wondering why he was headed back to the bed while he had a cut on his hand. Then as you pieced your questions together you realized his intentions. Jay was to use his blood to make it seem like you lost your purity.

Once in front of the bed, Jay was quick to ruffle up the sheets, making it seem as if within the night you were both intent on exploring one another. In hindsight the rearrangement came off believable, but once Jay dropped his blood on the bed sheet. There was no way the maids would think twice about what happened tonight. 

Taking your focus away from the bed, you turned to look at Jay. “Why didn’t you tell me?” Hand tightening in his grasp.

“I knew you’d be opposed to me being hurt. Instead you would’ve offered yourself.” His words spoke as if he knew you like the front and back of a book. Yet he wasn’t wrong. You wouldn’t have allowed him to hurt himself if it meant hurting himself instead.

“Yes but-”

“I meant it when I said I’d never hurt you. I am sorry for swaying your trust.This was the only way I thought of doing so.” Jay couldn’t help but turn his head away—feeling ashamed of himself.

“Your Grace…” Stepping forward to him, you reached your hand out to him. Softly cupping his cheek, while doing so you turned his head to look at you.

Jay saw the expression you wore, sullen brows written on your face, held together with a slight frown. Even though you looked at him as if you were upset, he knew it was only because you cared for him. Only less than twenty four hours into the marriage. Yet you held a gentle abundance of admiration for him. Jay disliked it. Feeling that he didn’t deserve such emotions catered to him. Even now as he felt that way, he couldn’t help but melt into your touch. Quickly finding solace in your warm touch—despite it feeling so fleeting.

As you studied Jay, your expression softened, accompanied with a sigh. “It’s okay, Your Grace. Just next time. Please tell me, we are now husband and wife after all.” Giving him a soft smile, hoping to ease him.

“Ah. Let me get you something for-”

“It’s fine. The wound will heal on its own.” Jay was quick to cut you off, ready to take care of it himself. 

You ignored his words, whilst holding tight onto his hand. “It won’t be fine. I can help you.” As you spoke your words came off unsure. Not unsure if you could help, but unsure of your holy powers. 

Jay was now raising an eyebrow at you, curious at what your words entailed. Before he could say anything a shining light emerged from his hand. The glow was tiny, yet held so much radiance behind it. Jay had never seen anything like it before. 

Your eyebrows scrunched together reaching for the little bit of holy power you could muster. This was the first time you had ever used your powers on a person, let alone try to use it again. You first discovered these hidden abilities a couple years back—tending to a baby bird that fell from its nest. 

The pure shock while holding the helpless bird helped manifest a flow of holy powers. You never told your parents about what happened, not even Serim. You viewed it as a blessing bestowed by the gods for being The Saintess’ kin, nothing more. Now here you were, healing your dragonborne husband with an ability you thought would never manifest again.

You could feel sweat bead at your forehead, body beginning aching in heat as you pushed yourself harder. You felt yourself soon struggling, yet you took notice of the deep cut slowly closing up. A light smile formed in the corner of your lips at the progress, but as you continued more your body began to grow weaker.

Jay immediately noticed the light emitting in his hand flicker, then the way you swayed to the side. He was quick to hold you, arm wrapped around your waist earnestly steadying you. “You did well. The wound is closed.” 

“Oh. That’s good…” Your words slightly slurred. Soon losing consciousness. 

As your body went limp, Jay held you against him tightly, ensuring you wouldn’t fall to the floor. With one swift movement Jay scooped you into his arms—holding you in a bridal carry. Not wasting another moment Jay made sure to settle you down on the couch. Making sure to be gentle with you while lowering you down. 

Jay watched your sleeping body, taking a moment to look down at his hand. In truth Jay had lied about the cut, there was still a tear, yet it wasn’t as serious as before. It was red but not worse enough to form a scar later on. 

He couldn’t help but plop down on the floor, back pressed against the leather couch. Hands reaching into his midnight hair, mind racing about. It was one thing for you to be related to The Saintess. But now knowing you had powers—even if it was slghtly—was truly another problem. 

One thing Jay knew for certain was that his brother would not find out about your powers. If he did, there was no telling what his next move would be. Jay let out a frustrated sigh, leaning his head back while doing so. The feeling of your hair swept past him took a hold of his attention while he leaned back. He couldn’t help but take a lock of your hair. Fidgeting about, he couldn’t help but twirl your hair between his fingers. 

Eyeing the way your soft hair passed through his fingers with ease, he proceeded on with his actions. Without another thought he brought your lock of hair to his lips, placing a gentle kiss onto it. Yet in that moment he truly wished it was your lips on his instead.

The morning was the same as the day before, chaotic and eventful. You had woken up in the same room as last night, settled into Jay's bed as if you’ve slept there your whole life. You quickly shot up, taking in your surroundings. Memories from last night flooded into your mind. Remembering what you and Jay had done, you quickly peered down at your chest. Where mulitple red marks sprawled all over your chest.

Your face deepened into a red hue, embarrassment creeping up your neck and cheeks. At the time you didn’t think Jay had done much, yes it was a few kisses along your neck and chest. But now looking, it seemed as if you were covered in bug bites.

Quickly closing your sheer robe, you stood up from the bed. You began to head towards the doors—being sure to ignore the mirror on the vanity on your way out. Once making it out of the room you were immediately greeted with Serim.

“My Lady, you woke up  so early. I’m assuming your long night made you restless?” Serim held a concerned yet also sly grin—a teasing tone hinted in her voice.

All you could do was look away from her, hoping to hide your reddening cheeks from her sight. But to your dismay Serim noticed right away—deciding anyway to keep quiet for your sake. The walk to your guest room was silent, Serim held a happy smile whilst you kept yourself lowered.

Once entering the room you were immediately stripped from your night attire. Now dressed into a casual styled silk dress—allowing for more comfort on the way to Seathal—the color was a soft yellow paired with light blue and seafoam green accents. 

As you finished packing up the rest of your things you began to feel excited for the trip to Seathal. Of course you’d miss your parents, but the new journey ahead excited you more. If there was anything, Jay would certainly allow you to write letters to your parents.

Before entering the travel carriage you looked out at the scenery before you. Trees and hills all covered in that luscious green would soon be replaced by the constant cold winter. You knew you wouldn’t hate Seathal, but you were sure about missing the sun beam down on you. As well as the strolls you had through your family’s garden. Those small things would be something you would most likely long for in the future.

“Are you ready to go?” A familiar voice called out to you, you swiftly turned your head to see Jay stand before you. Covered in the armor he always seemed to be wearing. He couldn’t help but reach out for your hair, his armored hand brushing through your hair gently. 

You blushed slightly, finding the way he combed his fingers through your hair to feel endearing. “Oh yes! I’m ready to head out now!” A nervous laugh left your lips as your eyes focused onto Jay. 

A soft chuckle was heard from Jay as he continued to play with your hair. He noticed the way your dress did a great job of hiding the marks he left. A smug smile etched into his lips when he noticed the faint mark under your ear. Feeling satisfied with himself Jay stretched out his hand to you. “Allow me to help you inside.” 

You scrambled about reaching for his hand as you watched him open the carriage door for you. Jay’s grip was firm and comforting as he hoisted you up the step. Seconds later Serim came over, carrying necessities for your comfort. 

You were quick to look through the items she acquired for you. A smile found its way onto Jay’s lips as he watched you both. “I will be heading off soon. Before I leave, let me introduce you to one of my closest knights.” As Jay finished, a man about your age ushered out from behind.

He was about the same height as your husband—a little bit shorter in all honesty—hair the color of freshly ripe strawberries, along with piercing black eyes. The knight was quick to bow before you. “This is Heeseung. He’s someone I trust greatly, but that doesn’t mean you don’t come to me if he has done something wrong.” Jay placed his hand firmly on Heeseung’s shoulder, a reassured reminder to take care of you.

Slightly curtseying you responded. “Hello Sir Heeseung, it’s nice to meet you. Ah let me introduce my personal maid to you, since you both will be working close to me.” As you finished speaking you pulled Serim forward. Serim came off a bit awkward which felt very unlike her. Your head tilted to the side, wondering to yourself why that is. 

Even if it wasn't noticeable you saw something, a faint dust of pink brushing against her cheeks. Was Serim into Heeseung? Serim stuttered on her words as she greeted herself to Heeseung, you turned to the knight hoping to see his reaction. A faint yet obvious smile now on Heeseung’s face. 

You knew later on this would be something to inevitably tease Serim on. Looking over to Jay you gave him a gentle smile—seemingly thanking him. Before Jay left to mount onto his horse his hand raised up to you. The cold feeling of iron sent chills down your arm, yet it was soon becoming something you acquainted yourself with. Not realizing it, you leaned into his touch. Even if it was the feeling of freezing iron, you felt his warmth behind it.

“I’ll come check on you when we travel for a couple hours.” As he spoke you looked up at him, taking in his words earnestly. Within the last twenty four hours, Jay became infatuated with the way you looked at him.

Eyes that held focus solely on him, he knew one day in the future this infatuation for your gaze would become a problem for him. Not that he would find it tiring, but more so of never wanting your gaze to leave him. 

Once his cold touch left your cheek, it soon made you miss his touch. Before leaving you, Jay made sure to flash you a smile. You stood there in between Serim and Heeseung, somewhat beginning to miss your husband.

The carriage ride was comforting. The view of the morning fog setting a calm vibe for the voyage ahead. At every three hour mark you were allowed to get out and stretch your legs. You had never traveled such a long distance, knowing that Jay put in place these minor breaks to help you. In truth it was very helpful. Yet at the same time you found yourself eyeing Jay as he traversed on horseback. Part of you wanted to ride with him, but deemed it to be unnecessary once the thought entered your head.

While you had felt that way, you ended up riding along with Jay soon enough. He was quite perceptive of you truthfully. Jay saw the way you looked out the window, eyes somewhat longing to partake with him—it seemed. Jay made the final decision for you to join him at the next resting point. With that one goal it became a success for him. At first you were reluctant. But in the end you gave way to him.

Now here you were, seated in front of Jay. It wasn’t the first time you rode a horse, but it was indeed the first time you rode with someone else. It was struggling to get used to it at first. Strong arms caged at your side—tightly gripping onto the reigns—whilst your back was pressed into his chest. You felt yourself tense at the mere closeness. 

The ride was silent, the sound of the galloping steps mixed with the carriage and cargo wagon joining in. By now the morning fog had long dispersed, leaving traces of dewdrops along the grass and tree leaves. For a while you said nothing, taking in the scenery as natural as possible. Soon that silence would break.

The familiar sensation of cold iron nearly shocked you off the horse. A small yelp left your mouth, joined in with shaky hands finding their way to the back of your neck. “Sorry. Did I startle you?” Jay spoke up, his tone came off apologetic—fearing he had truly frightened you.

“I wouldn’t say scare... More so surprised me.” You gave off a gentle sigh as you spoke, reassuring that it was of no big deal. “I just noticed, the marks I left are now almost gone.” Jay couldn’t help but rest his hand along the back of your neck. Your hair now pushed to the side, his thumb faintly rubbed against the disappearing bite marks. A chill ran down your body yet again—unaccustomed to the cold touch of his armor.

“For as long as I remember my wounds or any type of marks to my skin end up fading within the day.” Twirling your hair between your fingers, recalling childhood memories.

“Is it because of The Saintess’ holy powers?” 

“Could be. My parents believe so. But we weren’t really sure.” 

Jay’s brows contorted to a dissatisfied look. Unsure of whether he favored the idea that the marks he left on you healed so quickly. There wasn’t a need to be unhappy with it, yet he couldn’t help but feel irritated somehow.

The next hour was filled with small chit chat. Minor conversational pieces shared between you both, an eager need to get to know more about each other. You learned about Jay and The Emperor being brothers in name, while Jay learned about how serious your family took its own history. The conversation felt idle in a sense, but it allowed for you both to view a part of each other you didn’t get to know beforehand. 

At the next resting point, Jay urged for you to ride back in the carriage. It would soon near nightfall, which would prevent the amount of stops within the trip. You didn’t want to leave Jay’s side, but you also didn’t want to be a pain in his side. Complying with his needs you found your way back to the carriage. 

Before leaving Jay was affectionate with you once more. Armored hand stroking your cheek as he took in your appearance. He acted as if he wouldn’t see you for a long time, when in reality it would only be a few hours. Jay had a sense of reasoning that he’d miss you in that short amount of time, when in reality he knew he shouldn’t.

As you trudged back to the carriage you looked back to sneak a glimpse of Jay, sending him a warm smile. Once entering the carriage you were met with Serim fast asleep. Realizing this you made sure to keep your actions quiet. It had surely been a long day of traveling—especially for Serim. Settling back into your seat, you began to feel yourself doze off as well. Before you could realize it, just like Serim you were quickly asleep. 

The gentle whisper of a voice slowly pulled you from your slumber. You recognized that low and firm, yet also kind and tender voice. Your body stirred slightly, unwilling to wake up. Yet as you did so, the voice still softly wished for you to awaken. 

Obliging to the voice you slowly blinked the sleep away. As your eyes focused on the surroundings, you focused on the person in front of you. It was Jay. A soft smile was on his face as he watched you. Arms wrapped at your side to help you out of the carriage. Once pulling you out, Jay carried you on his forearm, his grip strong against your legs as he held you. Your arms wrapped around his neck,  face nuzzling into the crook of his shoulder while the soft breeze of the winter wind chilled you. 

As you snuggled up to Jay, Serim came over carrying a fur coat. Gently draping the coat over you Jay made sure to tuck the coat in tight—making sure it wouldn’t fall off your body. Jay leaned down to your ear, words hushed as he spoke.

“We’ve made it to Seathal.” 

You turned your head to the side slightly—opening one eye—vaguely seeing the view before you. Feeling another gust of wind brush past you, you finally leaned off of Jay. Head now fully turned away from him, your eyes widened to the pure white landscape in front of you. It was unlike anything you had seen before. Distant hills covered in sheets of snow, alongside trees that reflected the snowcapped hills. In the middle of it all was a castle off in the distance, the tips of the roofings snow covered as well. 

Jay watched the way your eyes twinkled, taking in the view before you. He knew that your breath was truly taken away by it all. “You know once you’re all settled in we can go for a walk sometime this week. I’m sure it’ll snow for the next couple of days.” 

Your face turned to him, a beaming smile plastered amongst your lips. “It snows?! I’ve never seen snow before.” You looked at him excitedly, truly unable to anticipate the upcoming days ahead of you.

While entering the city, you joined Jay on his horse once more. As you trotted through the city streets you watched as the streets were full of vendors. Both selling warm food to even selling merchandise that only came from Seathal.

You noticed the way the people enjoyed the cold weather, showing how acclimated they became to it. Many of the people showed happy smiles while they waved to Jay. Warm congratulations on his awaited return back to Seathal. 

The people threw flowers as the traveling party made its way through the street. Occasionally some people would hand flowers to you, all while greeting you with a warm smile. You didn’t expect such a warm welcome from the Seathal people. Their actions truly made you feel at home already.

Finally making it through the castle gates, the traveling party came to a halt. Jay mounted off the horse first, turning to you as his arms were raised out to your sides—readying to carry you down. You happily took his gesture, hands securely placed on his shoulders whilst being lifted off the horse. 

Before you could walk to Serim and Heeseung, Jay’s hand interlaced into yours. “You must be tired from the long journey. Let me show you where your new room will be.” 

You looked up at Jay, feeling unsure to leave without telling Serim at least. As you turned to look her way once more, Serim was now looking back at you. Taking in the sight of your hands laced together, she nodded to you—assuring you it was okay.

As Jay led you along his strides were small, making sure you were able to keep up with him. While walking along Jay walked through the backyard, making his way through the maze of a garden. You couldn’t help but look around at the surroundings. Taking in the intricate design of the garden, paired with the old castle exterior. 

“This pathway isn’t the usual way to the bedroom. But I thought it would be better to show you this route. It’s a nice walk when you wish for some alone time, or to go out on your own within the castle grounds.” 

Jay explained himself as he walked on, pointing out the different structures within the castle along the way. Once making it inside, he led you through a secluded corridor which led into a grand spiral staircase. The walk up looked long, but due to its seclusion it seemed to be something nice to do once alone. 

As you both made your way up the stairs you noticed open windows placed along the cobble stone walls. It felt like tiny entrance ways into a world beyond the staircase. You couldn’t help but stop at every window—hand long gone from Jay’s grasp—taking a peek at the angles of the now setting sun. Golden rays shining into your eyes every time you peered outside. Jay noticed the way the setting sun’s rays reflected into your eyes, allowing them to change into a color he’d never seen. Jay couldn’t help finding himself becoming smitten with you as time went on.

Finally making it to the top, you both emerged from a painting. The art work was that of what seemed to be Seathal in its spring season. You stood there for a bit, feeling as if you were there within the warm weather. “This is Seathal during The Saintess’ spring season. That’s usually what the people here call it.” Jay noticed the way your eyes were glued onto the painting, feeling the need to tell you more about it.

“I had heard in passing that within one part of the year, Seathal does turn into spring. Despite its usual long winters. I hear it's quite beautiful. Truthfully I can’t wait to witness it.” You turned to Jay, excitement written on your face. Thoughts of Seathal in its spring season exciting you. He couldn’t help but return a smile to you, feeling the same way. He hoped this innocence of enjoyment could last for as long as possible. Hopefully before his brother would demand what he expected most from the marriage. Jay truly wished things would be alright for as long he willed it. 

Making your way past the painting you ended up in a hallway. Only two large double doors leading to a room were at the end of the hall. You immediately assumed it to be your shared bedroom. Jay proceeded on as he opened the bedroom doors. 

As the doors opened you were immediately met with the familiar scent of cedar mixed with hints of vanilla. The very same scent that clung to Jay last night. You felt eerily at ease once taking in his scent, certainly unaware of how much comfort he truly gave you. 

In the middle of the room was a bed, big enough for the both of you to share. As you looked at the bed you thought about how Jay slept alone in something as big as this. It must have felt lonely at times. Continuing on you saw a fireplace, somewhat replicating the room from last night. A lounge couch and an armchair placed near it. Allowing comfort as one stares into the fiery flames in its place.

Deeper inside the room was a desk, positioned to seem forgettable. It must have been where Jay would complete more work even outside of his office. You envisioned quiet nights filled with sitting at the fireplace while he worked at his desk. The thought allowed a smile to appear on your face.

Jay stood near you, beginning the process of removing his armor. “Sorry it's not much. I should’ve had it more decorated to your taste, since we will be sharing this room now.” He spoke while laying the pieces of armor along the larger table within the room.

“No, no. It's okay, I like it as is. It feels very welcoming, believe it or not.”

Jay loosened up, not expecting you to find the gloomy room to feel welcoming of all things. Noticing the change in his posture you couldn't help but laugh. “Besides, the room feels very much like you. Nothing too grand or more of it.” Finishing your sentence did you realize how your words came off.

“I’m sorry that didn’t sound offensive did it? What I’m trying to say is-” Before being able to ramble on, Jay cut off your words. Hand firmly rested on your shoulder—a means of putting you at ease.

Jay let out a low laugh, finding the statement funny. “It’s okay Y/N. I understand what you mean, truthfully Jungwon says the same thing.”

Your head tilted at the new name. Jungwon wasn’t someone you had ever heard of before. “Who’s Jungwon?” Mind already forgetting about the previous conversation.

“Oh Jungwon? He’s my second hand around here. More so my personal aide to say. You’ll meet him tomorrow I’m sure. Besides, you can have a more proper tour of the castle as well.” 

As you listened to Jay speak you failed to hold back the forming yawn. Hand placed over your mouth, eyes faintly squinted as a soft breath left your lips. Blinking away the stray tears in your eyes did you realize your lack of manners. “Your Grace, I’m so sorry for my lack of manners!”

“Don’t worry, we did spend all day traveling to Seathal, when usually it takes around two days.” Jay made sure to reassure you, hand finding its way to your lower back. Once his hand rested on you, he began to lead you to the bed.

“You should rest now. Tomorrow will be another longer day.”

Sitting on the mattress you began to remember your lack of belongings. “But! I don’t have any of my stuff. What am I supposed to sleep in?” Your eyes looked into his, worried about what would need to be done.

All Jay did was stand there and think. Head tilting to the side as he watched your distressed expression. Then he came up with something. “You can sleep in one of my shirts.”

Now you were the one to reflect his reaction, this time holding a flabbergasted look. “Wear your shirt? I simply couldn’t, that would be far too improper.” Your words began to shake at the mere image conjuring in your mind. “It’s alright Y/N, we’re husband and wife. It shouldn't be as improper as you deem it to be.” 

You thought about his words, Jay was indeed right. You both were husband and wife, so wearing his shirt for one night surely can’t be as insane as you deemed it as. “If this is the only option I have. Then I can’t ignore your offer.” 

Giving Jay the go ahead, he made his way over to the other action of the room, there stood a large wardrobe. As Jay opened it up, you saw a decent array of clothes, all in muted colors that fit well with Jay. Rummaging all the way to one side of the wardrobe, he was able to pull out a plain white under shirt. It seemed like the kind that paired well under a doublet, long sleeved with a slight fabric ruffle. With a heavy thud of the doors, Jay came back over to you.

“Here you go.” His hand stretched out to you waiting for you to take the clothing.

“Thank you, Your Grace. I’m gonna change out of my dress. May you please?” You didn’t finish your sentence, hoping Jay would catch on to what it is you implied for him. Taking the hint right away Jay turned away from you quicker than you expected—soon being back to back with each other. 

In the beginning process of stripping your dress off was somewhat easy. But as you came across the intricate corset string, you began to struggle. You anxiously bit your lip, unsure of whether to truly figure it out on your own, or to ask Jay for help. 

It’s not that you didn’t want the help, it was more so the way you stood only in your undergarments. Shoulders barren against the gentle cold of the room, whilst you only had the corset and skirt on. You were quick to remember Jay’s words. You were both now married, not to mention, he definitely saw more of your body last night then what you panicked over at this moment.

Biting the bullet you called out for him. “Jay?” Your voice seemed small—as if it floated off with the breeze of the fleeting wind—he didn’t even notice you calling for him. 

“You called for me?” 

“Yes. I. I’m having a bit of trouble…” You spoke shyly, trying your best to fight back any emotion of embarrassment you mustered. “You can turn around as well.” 

Obliging to your consent Jay turned to face you. Instead of seeing your face—which he very well knew was red by now—he came into sight with your bare shoulders. Your hair swept against your seemingly bareback, the only thing allowing that to not be fully bare was your lingerie. Jay felt like he was in a trance, irrevocably entranced by your bare skin. Pieces of you his hands and mouth hadn’t yet roamed over.

Jay snapped out of his thoughts at hearing your faint voice, cursing at himself for being distracted by something as inconsequential as your bare skin. “What’s the matter?” Jay made sure to force his voice to sound tender, hoping it would hide any ounce of yearning he had for you.

You barely noticed Jay’s internal struggle over you—solely focused on wanting to be freed from the corset. “I can’t untie the string. It seems to be stuck.” You continued to fiddle about with the string—hoping to undo it at that very moment. 

“I see.” Jay’s eyes trailed from your shoulder to your lower back. A smile spread across his face, watching as you fiddled with the tied up string. “Here I got it.” His slender fingers brushed past yours—letting you know he had it handled. 

Drawing your fingers back you immediately clasped them, fidgeting amongst yourself as you waited for Jay to untie the corset. His faint breathing felt ticklish against your back, it sent a slight chill down your arms. Jay now focused on the task at hand, he barely noticed your reactions. 

After—what felt like—multiple minutes later Jay stepped slightly aback. Finally finished with the troubling corset. “There.” As his gaze refixed itself back on your back did he now notice the redness on your shoulders. A clear sign that you were flustered during the interaction.

Jay didn’t dare to have you look at him, afraid of what sultry emotion would take over him. Instead he grasped onto that thinning thread as best as he could, truly reminding himself of what was best for you both. You let out a sigh of relief at the loosening of the corset. Both embarrassed yet also satisfied that you would be able to shed it off. “I’m turning back around now, so continue on with changing.” 

You muttered out a thank you to him, proceeding back to stripping away your outside attire. As you took off the dress skirt, a soft thud echoed within the room. Jay’s jaw clenched faintly at the sound, truly wishing he could take in your form beneath the clothing. But he knew that was too risky to ask for. He made sure to stand tall, doing his due diligence to hide the urges he felt for you.

Once your clothes were finally off your body you picked up his shirt. Getting a thorough look trying to figure out how to put it on. Finally figuring it out you slipped on the fabric effortlessly. The material was smooth, unlike silk it was more dense, surely a shirt that would be very comfortable to sleep in.

Finishing putting the shirt on, you turned to face Jay’s back. Before calling out for him, you noticed his ear had a red tinge to it. Was he flustered by you? You giggled at the thought, finding Jay to be more adorable than he himself let off.

“I’m all set.” Your hand reached for his sleeve, signaling him to turn around and face you.

Turning around Jay took the moment to get a good look at you. Your smaller frame standing before him, clad in his clothes, while your bare legs peeked from below the shirt's fabric. Jay bit the inside of his cheek—feeling something in him rise—he couldn’t help keeping his eyes on you, truly like a moth to a flame.

“Is something the matter, Your Grace?” Slightly tugging again on his sleeve you’d hope to pull him out of whatever trance he was in. “I. No. I’m sorry Y/N. I just remembered I need to grab something for the room. I’m sure you’re gonna need another blanket, since it tends to get cold within the night.” 

Jay’s tone was effortlessly straight, quick to get his words across as if something truly troubled him. You looked at him confused, wondering what had him so heavily bothered. Jay now had your hand in his, guiding you into the bed. Watching as you slipped into the bed, he helped to get you situated. Making sure the pillows were fluffed enough, or that the comforter for the bed would be enough in the meantime.

After an array of yes and no answers you were finally let go from Jay’s worries. Watching as you lay there tucked in comfortably Jay couldn’t help but raise a hand to your head. Stroking your hair both lovingly and caringly. You couldn’t help close your eyes to the heavy feeling of his hand on your head.

Yet when he drew his hand back a frown formed into your lips. Jay saw the change in your expression, he couldn’t help but adore it regardless of everything. “I’ll be back soon.” With that Jay began to make his way out the door. Before he tucked himself through the doors your quiet voice rang within the room. “Good night You Grace. I’m just saying it, in case I’m asleep by the time you’re back.” 

Jay chuckled softly in return. “Good night Y/N.” The loud thud of the door followed behind as he left the room. As you lay there you close your eyes, hoping to open your eyes right away as you feel the morning sun beaming through the curtains. Wishing to explore your new home with Jay. 

While you were being taken away by sleep, Jay only had one thing on his mind, or more so someone. You. All he could think about was the way you stood there before him wearing his attire, that of a helpless deer caught in headlights. The way your eyes looked at him innocently, while all he could think about was wishing to take you right then and there.

Making his way through the hidden door, even proceeding down the staircase, his thoughts wouldn’t stop. Soon enough there was a feeling of heat licking at his core. Stopping dead in his tracks, he peered down. The only thing in that secluded staircase looking back at him was the growing bulge in his pants. 

Jay clicked his tongue in annoyance. The one thing he desperately had to avoid while he was to be around you was his growing lust. His lust wasn’t like an average human. Deep down it all derived from his dragon nature, something he desperately tried to soothe whenever he could. Earlier on in life he found a way to maintain it, that solution being blood lust. 

But here he was, giving into a carnal desire he hoped wouldn’t happen. Combing a hand through his hair a frustrated sigh left his lips. Not believing what he was about to do in this very moment. Leaning against the cobblestone wall, Jay proceeded to make his way to the button of his pants.

Not wasting a single moment, Jay effortlessly set one portion of the restraint on his growing bulge free. The unbuttoned pants relieving the unwanted tightness, Jay couldn’t help letting out a sigh of relief. 

For what followed would be more excruciating for Jay. While his pants weren’t in the way, his briefs were still an issue to be dealt with. Jay bit his lip at the sight of his red tip peaking out from the edge of his briefs—a showcase to how much he was holding back. 

Peeling the briefs down, he was finally able to free his aching cock. An agitated—yet satisfied—moan soon echoed throughout the staircase as he palmed himself. Jay’s brows knitted in annoyance as he began to stroke himself, wondering as to why it didn’t feel as good as he forethought. Then an image of you popped into his head, hips bucking softly at the mere thought of you. 

“Fuck.” Jay cursed under his breath. Now conjuring an image of you in front of him, on your knees assisting him in the relief he needed. His head tilted against the wall, brows furrowed while he imagined your soft voice ringing in his ears whispering sweet nothings to him.

He could see it as clear as day, your soft eyes looking up at him. Earnestly wishing to help him out no matter the cost. As he began to imagine you before him, the grasp on his cock tightened softly. Soon Jay was earnestly thrusting into his hand, doing his best to drag out the day dream he had of you. 

With a few more mixed thrusts and strokes, paired with his shallow breaths—bouncing around him—he could feel himself reaching that high. Then he envisioned the way he would cum in front of you. Parts of his ejaculation finding its way onto your face whilst you knelt before him. Jay undoubtedly saw it all in his head, eyes squinting shut as he lost himself to the mere thought of you. 

With one more desperate stroke Jay stilled himself for a second, allowing his body to relax while he came into his hand. He stood there, staring above—the spiraling stairs looming way above him—asking himself what he had truly done. Tilting his head down, Jay looked at the hand that held his cock, staring coldly at the cum glazed on his palm. He couldn’t help but feel irritated with himself for giving into this human desire.

Fishing a stray handkerchief out of his pocket, Jay diligently wiped the cum from his hand—proceeding to crumple it up in his pocket. Once his hands were wiped clean he began to tidy himself up, pulling his briefs back into place to then button his pants. Finishing up Jay continued to make his way back down the stairs—finding you a blanket like he originally intended when he left.

That morning you were awoken to the sound of drawn curtains, joined in by the morning sun’s rays sticking onto your face. You tossed to the other side, wishing to hide away from the brightness past your closed eyelids. 

“My Lady, you must wake up. His Grace is waiting for you in the dining room for breakfast.” The voice was none other than Serim. You turned over to your original spot, one eye peeking open as you focused your vision onto her. Then her words truly rang in your head.

“I’m up! I’m up!” You shouted jumping out of the bed. Hair strewn about as you stood before Serim.  

Serim giggled at your fast reflexes while ushering over to you. “I see that now. Come on, I have to get you situated.” She quickly led you to a corner of a room you didn’t see last night. It had a vanity as well as a mirror and rack for clothes—which at the moment seemed to be for your attire.

Serim sat you down at the vanity—brush in hand—beginning her daily process of preparing you for the day. Styling up your hair as well as doing your make up, Serim had done it all so swiftly as well in a timely manner. This time she styled your hair in a low half up, while your make up was clean—just a few touch ups for the face.

Finishing at the vanity, you were led to the mirror and clothing rack. You questioned how all your clothes got here, but knew it was most likely during your slumber. Serim busied herself looking for a dress, handpicking through every one deciding whether it was the right mood or not. 

At last Serim landed on a dress, the color would be perfect on you. Making her way back to you she showed the dress to you. You nodded your head at the pick, knowing whatever Serim picked would look good no matter what. 

Once Serim helped with getting you into the dress she stepped away—allowing you to look at yourself. The color was a beautiful muted rose, the hue blending in well with your hair color. The bodice had an intriguing design, cut outs that hung low off your shoulders all adorned with small pearls and jewels. The sleeves were long—meeting all the way to your hands—yet had ribbon sewed through at the wrists for cute detailing. At your waist was an intricate embroidery—the designs intertwining with one another—making your gaze down to the skirt, a subtle bow was below your waist ending into a long sash. The skirt was long, trailing down closely at your sides to slowly bloom out like a flower in spring. The dress was truly perfect.

“This is beautiful Serim. Thank you!” You flashed her a smile, feeling the pure act of generosity from your friend.

“Now let's hurry to join His Grace, I’m positive he’ll find the dress astonishing on you.”

Nodding your head, Serim leads you towards the door with a small pep in her step. Exiting the door a voice startled you. “Good morning, Your Grace.” Your head rapidly turned not only to the unfamiliar voice, but to the name as well. 

Standing next to the door was Heeseung. “Heeseung you nearly shocked me to death.” Hand clasped at your chest hoping to ease your racing heart.

“Your Grace, I am so sorry for the scare. Is there anything I can do?” Heeseung looked between you and Serim, unsure of what to do.

“I’m fine, don’t worry. But why are you referring to me as Your Grace?” Fixing your posture—while faintly straightening out your dress—you looked forward to Heeseung. 

“Well you are the mistress of the castle now. It is only right that I address you as Your Grace.” Heeseung stood firm as he spoke to you—yet slowly began to stress at the situation, fearing he may have spoken out of line. 

Indeed Heeseung was right, you were the mistress of the house. Still it was something you needed to become used to within time of being here. “My apologies Heeseung, you are correct. My mind just had a lapse of awareness so I apologize for the worry I caused for you.” You made sure to smile at him, hoping it would sooth his worries.

Heeseung replied with a simple bow, signaling he understood fully well of your intentions. As the three of you stood about, Serim let out a quick cough—signaling for Heeseung’s attention. Right on queue, Heeseung's face beamed with realization. “Let me lead you to the dining room, Your Grace.” Heeseung gestured his way in front of you, waiting for you to acknowledge that. You lightly curtsied to him which then allowed Heeseung to lead the way, Serim followed in suit behind you.

The walk to the dining room was different compared to the route Jay had led you through last night. You walked through halls adorned in a variety of arts and decorations. Yet one painting in particular stood out to you. In the center of the hall was a portrait of someone. The subject of the painting had midnight hair, as well as silver eyes—with that tinge of blue—you recognized immediately. 

It was a portrait of Jay, but he seemed to look years younger, more so of the age when you met for the first time. Your head tilted slightly as you stared at the painting. Perfectly enamored by the details etched into the canvas, one thing you did notice was the inaccuracy of his eyes. The portrait depicted them as only silver, missing out on that deep shade of blue that simmered in his eyes. 

“His Majesty had this painted a bit before His Grace left for the battlefield.” Heeseung over to you—breaking your concentration.

You turned to see the knight looking fondly at the young version of Jay. “I see. I wondered as to why his younger self seemed so familiar.” Turning back to the painting you took one more good look at it. Slowly beginning to think to yourself, how someone of his age served in a war for five years.

“Shall we proceed on Your Grace?” 

Being shaken out of your thoughts you looked over at Heeseung once more. “Yes, sorry. I must have been lost in thought.” Heeseung simply gave you a nod, finishing your walk to the dining room.

Soon you all made it to the dining room. Once entering through the doors you were truly taken away by how large the room was. A long table decorated with silverware and dishware at every chair, while at the head of the table sat Jay. Next to him was someone you had yet to meet. The younger man had blonde hair—slicked back in a style that showed his forehead. He wore a simple outfit, unlike Jay, who was always dressed for his status.

You now assumed the man next to Jay had to be Jungwon, they did look to be relatively close to one another. Making your way down the trail of the table, you were escorted to sit on the left side of Jay. Serim quick on her feet, pulled out your chair, allowing you to make yourself comfortable. Leaving your side, she made her way to stand next to Heeseung at the door.

Settling into your seat there was already food prepared at your seat. On the main plate was an array of some sausages, eggs, bread and some assortment of vegetables. Besides the food on your plate, the table held cheeses, fruits, more bread, and savory pastries. It truly seemed like an unaverage feast. Too busy studying the spread of food your head turned at the slight pick up of Jay’s voice. 

“Good morning.” Jay spoke aloud as his eyes stared into you, watching your every movement since the moment you came through the door.

“Yes good morning to you too!” Your tone was more chipper as you replied back. 

Jay smiled softly at you, enjoying your happiness so early in the morning. “How did you sleep?” Swiftly asking about your wellbeing.

“I slept really well! I’m sorry that I was asleep before you came back.” A pout formed onto your lips while your words trailed off.

A gentle laugh left Jay as he adored your reaction. “Don’t worry Y/N. When I came back from fetching you the blanket I ended up going to my office afterwards to do some work. I’m just mostly glad you slept well.” 

Your cheeks heated softly, feeling how gentle and caring he was—even if it was just relayed by words. “Thank you so much again, Your Grace.” Looking down at the food you began to pick at it, hoping to hide your rosy cheeks.

Jay rested a hand under his chin as he studied you once more, truly enamored by everything about you. “Must you continue to call me Your Grace Y/N?”

You froze momentarily, almost as if you had something stuck within your throat. “Well. I’m just still nervous, forgive me for not being able to speak your name so freely.” You slightly cowered at the thought to say his name. After all you were nothing more than a noble lady mere days ago, so how could you straight address Jay by his name.

Jay exhaled at your answer, but it wasn’t a sigh filled with annoyance at your words. More so wishing you would be able to refer to his name sooner than later. “Don’t worry, take your time. I just felt like teasing you was all.” You nodded your head in understanding, but more so was embarrassed that all he was doing was simply teasing you. 

The rest of the morning was quiet, but not in an awkward silence, the lack of noise was comforting in a sense. The sound of silverware meeting the ceramic plates every so often. The food was nothing more than fantastic, an array of flavors that all perfectly paired into one. As you continued on with your meal Jay had broken the silence. “Once we’re done. Do you want to explore the castle a bit more?” 

You shot your face up from your food, eyes twinkling with excitement at his question. “Yes, yes, yes! I would really enjoy that!” So overtly excited you didn’t notice your voice raised a bit. Realization dawned on you at hearing Jungwon lightly laugh besides Jay. “Sorry, was I too loud?” Emitting the reaction of lowered dog ears.

Jay still kept his smile as he watched you. “No it’s okay. Jungwon only laughed cause I’m sure he finds you cute.” 

Upon hearing his name, Jungwon almost choked at the exposure of his intentions. “See.” Jay called out as he pointed towards Jungwon. “Take your time, once we’re done we’ll head to certain parts of the castle.”

Once finishing the food Jay was the one to escort you out of your chair. He made sure to ask if everything was to your taste and much more. Of course you had nothing to complain about, everything was perfect as is. 

Leaving the dining room—along with Jungwon, Serim, and Heeseung—you made your way to the library first. Making it inside you were amazed at how large the room was. Ceilings tall enough that the books on the top shelf needed a ladder to gain access too. Jay was sure to let you know that anything within the library was all yours to read and look through. You knew this would be a place you’d frequent for many hours of alone time within the future.

Next was making your way to the gallery hall. There you saw even more portraits, some filled with the scenery of Seathal or that of the previous Dukes who ruled over the territory. It was all so splendid and enjoyable to look at. There were even pieces imported from overseas that occupied the hall. Vases, decorative weapons, statues, art, and many more things you had never seen before in your life. Everything felt like a brand new experience to you.

After the gallery hall you made it to the main garden. A big marble pavilion sat in the middle of it all. You looked at it in awe—at that moment wishing it wasn't winter—thrilled to have tea and eat snacks with Serim, Heeseung, and even Jay. Making it past the pavilion you were shown the flowers that bloomed among the bushes, an assortment of roses, tulips, lilies, and any flower you had become acquainted with while growing up. Despite the cold frigid weather, the flowers flourished well—becoming accustomed to its environment. Jay was sure to ask you what your favorite flower was, implying he would grow an abundance of them outside your shared bedroom. You couldn’t help but melt at the thought of it. Your marriage with Jay may have been forced in a sense, but he was sure to be kind and loving with you. You couldn’t but find that curiosity you felt towards him blossom into something more. Something deeper.

As the sun rested below the horizon, you ended the day in Jay’s office—dinner already having been eaten just a couple hours beforehand. Just like his bedroom, it was simple and decorated to his taste. A desk in front of the two main windows, paired with bookcases aligning the walls. In one portion of the room was a sitting area—mostly used by guests or occasional naps from Jay—two single chairs joined with a lounge couch. In the middle of the couches was a table—used for tea time and simple snacks. 

You sat along the lounge couch, tea in hand as you watched Jay surround himself with unfinished work. Before Jungwon had left for the evening, he exclaimed the work was from after Jay came back from the war. That had explained why there were piles of paperwork surrounding him at his desk. 

Jay had urged that you didn’t need to keep him company, exclaiming he had done this for many years alone. You were quick to dismiss his words, making sure to tell him he wasn’t alone now, that he didn’t have to keep doing this stuff alone any longer. Jay didn’t say much at your words, head burrowed into the paper work. But underneath it all, you spotted the tips of his ears burning red. You giggled to yourself, once more adoring his vulnerable side.

Once you had finished the tea and snacks you dismissed both Serim and Heeseung for the night. Reinforcing that you wished to stay with Jay until he was finished with his work. Serim was reluctant but agreed with what you wanted. You watched your maid and knight leave the room, on the way out seeing Heeseung urge Serim to let him help her with the stuff. You smiled to yourself as you saw them leave through the doors, admiring how close they got over the last two days.

“They seem to be pretty close.” Jay pointed out—nose still deep into his work.

You laughed at his observation, hand resting on your cheek as you remembered their interactions over the past two days. “I’m sure they’re both interested in one another. Heeseung has shown he cares about Serim just as much as he cares for me. Truly a knight worthy of his title.” 

Jay let off an approving laugh, finding your words to be very much true. Finishing up the paper in hand, Jay finally set his quill pen down. “I’m finished for the night. Shall we head to the bedroom?” Jay now looked at you, eyes awaiting for your reply.

“Yes, I’m ready to head in for the night.” 

Standing up from his desk, Jay made his way over to you—hand now stretched out for you to take. Taking your hand in his you couldn’t help but notice how cold his hands felt at first. But as you continued to have your hand interlocked with his, the chill turned into a warmth you began to enjoy.

Making your way to the room Jay had mentioned something to you. “In around two weeks time I have to go on a patrol around the territory. And no you’re not allowed to come with me Y/N.” A frown made its way onto your face upon hearing his words. You wished to see every part of Seathal, even if that meant in and out of the city walls.

“I know you’re not happy about it. But it's for your own safety. The border is infested with monsters that I need to take care of. I just don’t want you to get hurt. I’m sorry.”

Hearing Jay speak words of worry and even an apology made your brows knit into concern. Jay had truly cared deeply about you and was showcasing that no matter what. “I understand. Maybe one day when it’s all cleaned and safe enough you can take me there?”

Jay nodded along with your suggestion. “I hope that can happen soon enough. But while I’m gone I’ll have Jungwon show you the ways of running things while I’m away.”

“I’ll be sure to learn thoughts from him while you’re away.” 

Jay chuckled softly at your commitment. “Good girl.”

Your face immediately flushed at his words, feeling nervous now at the sudden praise he had given you. You turned your head to the side, hoping Jay wouldn’t notice you blushing at his words. Unlike your own worries, Jay was too busy thinking about how to bring up his next set of words. 

“Also, I’m sure you’re still worried about consummating our marriage. Your body is still too weak. I’ll inform the chef to make you foods that will strengthen your health and I’m sure you’ll do a lot of exploring within the next couple of months as well, so your stamina won’t be weak as well.” Jay soon began to ramble on—hoping his words didn’t come off offensive.

You quickly noticed his rambling, being sure to soothe his thoughts right away. “Thank you Jay. Your care for me knows no bounds and I truly appreciate all of it.”

Jay forced a genuine smile at your words. Guilt slowly eating away at him. Yes he did it because he cared deeply for you, but at that same time he knew he would have to fulfill his brother’s demands soon. He just wished that fulfillment would happen in a timeframe where you wouldn’t be so physically weak. Deep down he hoped to stall for as long as he could—keeping safe the one thing he began to deeply care for.

Life within Seathal would begin to feel natural—overall normal. Mornings you would get dressed and readied by Serim. Followed by morning meals with Jay—who was always accompanied by Jungwon. In the afternoon you would either read in the library, learn from Jungwon, or take short walks throughout the cold day. 

Oftentimes it would snow throughout those days. Spending most of those moments sitting beneath the pavilion—blanket huddled around you for warmth—watching the snow fall from the sky. Jay would always join you outside, worried you would become too cold within a couple hours.

By the evening you would always spend time in Jay’s office. Teacup in hand while you watched your husband busy himself with the endless piles of paperwork. Other days you would walk through the castle by yourself, feeling the thrill of excitement as you came across new rooms and areas. Jay always managed to find you when it was time for bed—no matter where you were located.

Soon the days would turn into weeks, then finally came the day Jay was leaving for his patrol around the border. Part of you was saddened at Jay being away for merely four days. Jay could sense that, doing his best, he doted on and comforted you—as a hope to not miss him while he was gone. 

You watched as Jay vanished off into the distance, accompanied by the troop of knights in his stead. You had asked Heeseung why he wasn't going along with them. Heeseung had told you he did join the patrols, but this time was instructed to stay by your side while Jay was gone. 

As a result, the days while Jay was away weren’t as dull. Beforehand you were always accompanied by Serim and Heeseung, yet this time they made it their main job to entertain you as much as they could. Due to that mutual agreement between the both of them, they began to grow closer in time as well. Having witnessed moments of shared whispering or giggling amongst them—their interactions soon became that of more than friends.

The day Jay came back in all honestly felt relieving. In those past days while he was gone, it felt as if you were separated for far more than four days. In his absence you began to miss his presence more than you thought you would. Jay was quick to notice your growing clingyness after he came back. 

As a means to make you feel better he had one of the gardeners plant your favorite flowers in front of the bedroom like he promised. By the end of the day there were blue hyacinths planted in the garden from outside the bedroom. 

“Whenever I’m gone you can always think of me when you look upon those flowers. I found out that blue hyacinths mean loyalty.” His hand played with your hair as he watched you leave your focus on the flowers below. Once hearing what the significant color had meant you couldn’t help to tip toe up to him. Lips meeting with his cheek, even if it was momentarily. “Thank you Your Grace. I love them, truely.” You had begun to fall deeply in love with Jay.

Jay stood there shocked at your forwardness, wishing his lips could be met with yours. But it was the first time you had ever made a move of your own. Not wanting to push you away he held back, instead choosing to savor the affectionate moment between you both. 

As the days turned into weeks, the weeks slowly turned into months. Around the one month mark, Jay began to be more affectionate with you. Occasional kisses along your neck to even gentle touches of intimacy. He was sure to always be gentle and abide by your consent, keeping the promise of his words to never hurt you. As these shared moments between you both increased, you began to wish more from him. Simple kisses, hands grazing along your backside, to fleeting touches between you both. You began to crave for more from him. Yet anytime you brought up your consummation, he was always quick to dismiss it. Earnestly wishing for your health to grow stronger before you could tie that official knot. 

Without even realizing it, five months had gone by, that meant five months living in Seathal. Yet still within those long months Jay needed to go on his patrols. In the beginning you desperately started to miss him, but as it became more frequent you were now looking forward to his return than waiting around like a lost puppy. 

On the days he was away you learned everything there was to your Duchess title. Taking care of work within the city, arranging things in the castle, and many more of your duties. In between those days of learning you’d pick up some hobbies—learning to embroider, piano lessons, and even art lessons. Your favorite part from picking up these hobbies was being able to gift Jay things as well as showing him your progress in your lessons. 

Yet while you had normal days without Jay, the same couldn’t be said for him. 

Jay took on more expeditions to the border than normal, everyone knew it and so did he. In pretense it seemed as if it was him diligently doing his job as the Duke of the land, but in reality it was a means to escape from you. Not because he disliked you or hated you. It was due to his growing lust for you. Jay thought that if he continued to clear the borders from the monsters—killing as much as he could to satiate his bloodlust—then surely his unwarranted lust would die down. But it was all useless. 

During those nights as he lay awake unable to sleep he’d create an image of you—same as he did all those nights ago in the staircase. He was able to replicate a version of you so well, it was as if you were a ghost haunting him within his sleep. In the midst of things he’d ask himself if you should’ve come along with him. You did desperately wish to see the edge of Seathal with your own eyes, but deep down Jay didn’t want you to witness what he was out of your sight.

His jaw clenched harshly as he lay on the embellished cot. Hands stuck to his face desperately trying to rub the image of you away. But to his dismay you were still there. Giving up with himself, his hand reached out for you, thumb sliding against your lip as he yearned to feel your flesh on his.

The hand that grazed against your lip soon trailed down to your chin. Fingers holding your head up to face him. In the end Jay knew it wasn’t you, the eyes he envisioned was that of sultry want—boring themselves into his very being. If it was the real you, you would have struggled to hold eye contact with him, he knew that for certain.

Every ounce of him wanted to taste more than what was on the surface. He wanted more from you, more of you. But there was no use in his selfish desires if you were to be used in a plan bigger than what he was. He could never allow himself to excuse his desires if it meant putting you in harm's way. Swatting the ghost of you away, he sat up in the cot. Hands once again finding its way onto his face—fingers gripping into his hair with frustration. “This truly is… Hell.”

The next day Jay had returned back to the castle. It was around late afternoon when he came back with his troop. Yet as he was arriving he saw a carriage from the capital, specifically The Emperor’s personal carriage. Jay’s grip on the reins tightened as he thought of his brother being anywhere near you. 

Dismissing the knights behind him, he galloped his way to the castle entrance. There were maids already stationed to greet him. Hopping off of his horse, the servants lead the companion back to the stables. At the front door entrance stood Jungwon. Jay’s jaw clenched slightly knowing he’d have to go find his brother. “Where is he.” Tone as cold as the winter wind around them.

“He’s in your office, Your Grace.” Jungwon bowed as he spoke, feeling as if he was stepping on eggshells.

Without another word Jay made his way to his office. His metal armor echoed around him while his footsteps hit the floor harshly. Jay wasn’t sure what he would do if his brother laid a finger on you. Killing him wasn’t an option, but if what he feared most was true. It would be his only resort of satisfaction. Barging through the doors his eyes immediately landed on the figure lounged on the large couch. Legs propped up on the table and arms stretched out on the back cushions.

“What are you doing here?”

The Emperor peered his head over to Jay, that sly smile plastered on his face. “Now brother. That’s no way to welcome your brother. I came all the way here to visit you. Have some hospitality now.”

Jay’s hands curled into a fist as he listened to his brother. “You came here to visit me? That’s a lie and you know it.” Jay let off a laugh at his brother’s blatant lie.

“Fine you caught me. But I mean. I did come here for both you and your wife.”

Jay’s eyes flashed at the mention of you rolling off his tongue. The Emperor caught this, laughing at how his brother reacted to the mere remark of your name. Jay’s brows knitted at his brother’s laugh, finding it annoying how he saw amusement in all of this.

“I assure you I didn’t do anything to the girl. I greeted her. Had a little chat and made my way here to wait for you, was all.” A smile crept up onto The Emperor’s face.

“What do you want from us.” Jay was quick to get to the point—wanting his brother out of his sight as soon as he could.

“Well. I heard from a little birdie, that your wife isn’t pregnant yet. Matter of fact. You both haven’t even consummated your marriage.”

Jay’s body froze, anxiety bubbling up at his words. The evidence Jay laid out was believable for the likes of the royal palace’s maids, yet The Emperor knew it was all a facade. That wasn’t the only problem. Now he knew you weren’t pregnant. It had been five months since your arrival here, by now you should at the very least be showing that much was true. Jay stumbled back as things dawned on him. Hand to his head as he tried his best to gather his thoughts together.

“You really didn’t think I’d plant someone from the palace did you?” The Emperor snickered at his brother's ignorance.

Standing up he made his way over to Jay, hand resting on his shoulder. “Since I adore you like my own flesh and blood young brother. I’m giving you one last time to heed my orders.” The Emperor looked up at Jay. Analyzing the emotion of panic wash over his face—something he had never seen in the twenty three years he raised Jay.

Letting out a sigh The Emperor spoke once more. “If not. I will kill your mother.” The Emperor’s hand left Jay’s shoulder, satisfied with what it was he came to do.

Before The Emperor left through the doors his words rang through the office once more. “Remember my words wisely Jay.” With that his brother was gone from the office. 

Jay stood there. Heart racing as everything swirled around him. Jay was running out of time, no, he had no more time left. Jay was so irrevocably in love with you that he would let The Emperor kill his own mother. But on the other hand, it was his mother. The person he assumed was dead his whole life due to his birth. He would do anything in the world if it meant seeing his mother, or even speaking with her once. Yet now he had to choose between you both. Something he never wished to think about the moment the truth was revealed.

Chest tightening, Jay began to strip off the heavy armor. Sweat beading at his forehead in a desperate attempt to calm himself as best as he could. The hard armor hit the floor, the echoing of the clanking metal engulfing the room. Once free, he made his way to the doors of the office. Jay sauntered his way into the hall. Hand placed along the wall to help balance himself along as he went to look for you. His eyes closed shut as he focused, using his mana to search through the castle. Then he found your presence. Walking up the secluded staircase, watching the setting sun as you made your way to the room. Jay was now on his way, desperately wishing to be with you as soon as he could. 

You had always wondered how Jay was able to find you in the castle when no one else could. You were unaware of the fact that Jay’s mana is what made finding you so easy. Ever since that first night you spent together Jay had been sneaking traces of his mana all over you—marking you his in some twisted way.

As Jay finally made it to the staircase he was quick to raise his head up, eyes searching above in a desperate attempt to find you. Then his eyes finally found you, standing there peering out the window, the setting sun shining into your eyes just like it had all those months ago. 

His movements were quicker than he thought, making his way to you faster than he ever did. Jay could feel his fingers tingle in anticipation. Not because he was finally allowing himself to have you. But to hold you and cherish you. Jay could feel himself get swallowed up by guilt. The only thing that could truly cure that dreaded feeling chewing away at him was you.

As you made your way up the steps you didn’t hear the sound of Jay’s presence sneaking up on you. The feeling of hands grabbing at your body shocked you. You couldn’t help letting out a shriek—body frozen as you panicked on what to do.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.” 

The sound of Jay’s voice calmed all that anxiety away. His hands snaked around your waist—holding you flush against him—face soon nuzzling into the crook of your neck. The feeling of his breath exhaling onto you left chills down your spine. Something about him felt off, but you couldn’t pinpoint what it was.

“Is everything okay?” His hold on you tightened at your voice. Feeling like a slow reminder of what was to come for the both of you.

Jay didn’t answer you. You sighed out, hand reaching to his hair—patting him reassuringly. “Can I look at you at least?” 

His response was still the same, only this time as he rubbed his face into your neck he began to leave a trail of kisses. The feeling was ticklish, simultaneously making the heat of your core flutter as his lips grazed against your flushed skin. 

“Jay…”

You merely muttered his name, not even the empty staircase had picked up on it. Yet Jay did. His movements stopped as he heard his name fall off your lips. Your brows knitted as he halted himself—wishing that he wouldn’t stop. Before you could question him once more, you were spun around—back now pressed firmly against the cobblestone walls. Jay’s arms were soon met at your sides—keeping you caged where you stood.

Jay lowered his head next to your ear, once again finding his way to your neck. This time instead of leaving a trail of kisses all he did was take in your smell. Hoping that this was reality and not a twisted dream—maybe part of him did wish it was, but the other half of him prayed it wasn’t.

“Your Grace?” Your words were hushed as you spoke. Not wanting to break the moment between you both.

Jay raised his head from where it was. Now he was looking at you—those silver eyes you remembered in such intricate detail piercing into your very being. As Jay stared at you his eyes wandered down to your lips then back to your eyes, taking in every single aspect of you. 

Raising his hand to you, Jay grazed his thumb over your bottom lip—just as he did with the hallucination of you. But this time you were really standing in front of him, not a lust filled imagery of you. As he brushed his thumb, his eyes wandered back to your lips. Staring at the way your plump lips felt underneath his touch.

“Say it again.”

You looked at him confused, wondering what it was he was referring to. “My name. Say it again.” Hearing his words your face reddened, now aware that he heard you call out his name in a fevered state.

Your eyes looked away from him, hesitance written all over your face. Jay saw the way you reacted, knowing you only felt this way due to the gap in your status. “Please Y/N. Today I wish to finally consummate our marriage. I want to hear you call me by my real name.” 

Hearing his words you slowly met your eyes with his, seeing a pleading look deep in them. You were finally tying that knot with him. So surely it was only right that you did so. “Jay.” This time you said his name more confidently. There was still some reluctance behind your tone, but he was able to hear you say his name.

A smile formed on his face upon hearing his name, unknowing to how overjoyed that made him. In an instant his lips were on yours—light and delicate not wanting to overdo it. Leaving a kiss to your lips, Jay began to trail his way down, kissing briefly along your jaw and down your neck. 

As he submerged himself into his actions, one of his hands now found its way to the side of your thigh. The sensation of him languidly rubbing up your thigh startled you. His kisses paused, chin resting against your chest as he looked up at you, that same smile still peering up at you. 

“I don’t think you understand how crazy you drive me.”

Before anything else could be said, Jay continued on. Hands roaming amongst your waist as he began to kiss along your torso. Even if his lips against your skin were separated by the fabric of your dress, you could feel everything. You gasped out at the sensation, your body tingling from head to toe.

“Wait. Jay…” Your whimpers fell onto deaf ears as he proceeded on. 

Kneeling before you, Jay was now focused on one thing. Making sure you would feel the pleasuring sensation of his desire for you. “Lift up your dress Y/N.”

You wanted to ask questions. Ask him why he wanted you to do so, but as you felt his fingers tap at your ankles you slowly realized why. Crumpling the fabric of your dress between your fingers, you slowly raised your skirt. Jay’s jaw clenched as he watched the fabric rise. Watching as your bare legs came into his viewpoint.

Without warning Jay had placed his hand underneath your thigh—propping it over his shoulder. The feeling of him lifting your leg off the ground caused you to yelp, whilst slightly losing your balance in the process. Quickly aiding you, Jay rested the palm of his other hand against your back.

The feeling of warm lips against your inner thigh made you tremble. Your fingers clutched the dress skirt tighter as his lips made way up your thigh. His grip tightening while he held you close against him. His warm breath swept past your clothed heat, a soft moan leaving your mouth at the ticklish feeling. The sensation was all too new to you, yet, it didn’t scare you. Jay didn’t scare you. But when something wet swept at your cunt your moans only grew louder. A new feeling forming in your stomach at the pleasuring sensation.

As Jay kneeled in between your legs his thread of reasoning was slowly beginning to snap. Your cunt was mere inches away from him, and when he heard your soft whimpers above him he was unsure of how much more he could take. In a heated daze, Jay inched his tongue toward your heat—despite the fabric of your lingerie being in the way. The slight taste of you on his tongue made him shudder, fingertips tingling in a way he never felt before—the thread he desperately grasped at fraying in the process. 

But when he heard a moan unlike any other come out from you, that thread snapped. The hand that held you safely against your back made its way to your hip. Grip strong yet soft as he angled your body up—allowing him a better view of your cunt. “Fuck...” was all he could say as he saw the way you began to soak through your panties. The wet spot in the fabric growing in the mere seconds he stared.

Jay wanted to have you right then and there. He wanted to savor the feeling of your heat wrapped around him as he took you. But the thought faded as he remembered your weakened body. It was impossible for you to take him now, especially without doing anything to ease you onto his size.

Hooking a finger under the gusset, Jay drew the cloth back—now allowing a full view of your glistening cunt. He couldn’t help but bite his lip at the sight, you were finally within his grasp, and Jay was going to have all of you. Leaning his head further in, Jay swept his tongue at your folds—licking up the sweet taste of your juices. Your body arched back at the warm—yet also wet—feeling on your cunt. Legs beginning to shake as Jay lapped at your core.

Jay was earnest in his work, tongue licking along your folds before he’d gently suck at your clit. The overwhelming sensation of his lips wrapped onto your bud shook you, head tilting back as your body jolted with pleasure. The grasp on your skirt faltered as he proceeded on. As Jay continued his motions, the hand gripping at your thigh left its place. Too enraptured by the pleasure you were unaware of the absent feeling on your thigh. Instead that absence would be replaced with his finger prodding at your entrance. 

Your breath hitched in your throat at the tight feeling of his finger inserting into you. Back arching—further—as you felt everything, body shuddering from his touch alone. Despite the slight pain it all melted away as Jay continued his ministrations on your clit.

As Jay inched his finger deeper—slightly curling it in the process—he felt something spongy. Curious as to what it was he pressed down on it, the pressure was soft. Yet that pressure alone caused you to moan louder. Jay smirked to himself, realizing he had found the spot that made you feel good. 

Jay incessantly pressed at the spot. Applying gentle increments of pressure, as well as rubbing against it. As this went on your moans turned into a noisy mess, so much so you began to bite your lip in a hopeless attempt to quiet yourself.

To absorbed into pleasing you Jay inserted another finger inside. Your head began to spin, the pleasure far too much to think straight. As his two fingers slid in and out, paired with his tongue at your cunt, the tingling feeling in your stomach began to ache.

Jay could feel the way your entrance began to flutter around his fingers—signaling how close you were. He began to work more diligently, dragging out your inevitable orgasm. Your toes curled as you felt waves wash over you. Every time Jay pressed down on that spot it was as if the dam inside of you was breaking. Then with one final languid stroke you came undone on him. Jay steadied himself, allowing you to ride out your orgasm. Your body trembled and shivered above him—chest heaving as you gasped for air—eyes wide as you felt the euphoric feeling run through your body. 

Jay retracted his face away from your heat, fingers slowly leaving your entrance as well. He looked down at his fingers, viewing the two fingers coated in your juices. Then he looked up at you, he saw your half lidded eyelids as you came down from that lust driven high. As Jay let your leg touch back to the floor, you couldn’t help but buckle down. Jay quickly held onto you, surprised by how much that alone did a toll on you. “I got you.” Was all he said before scooping you into his arms. 

Motioning you to wrap your arms around him he held close onto you, leaving gentle kisses against your face as he comforted you. A mixture of praises were said to you as he made his way up the stairs. Making it into the room, Jay was worried he overworked you. Deciding by himself that he would take you another night instead. Settling you down on the bed, he began to leave your side—hoping to retrieve a wash cloth for you—but you stopped him. Gentle fingers clutching onto his hand desperately. 

He looked at you confused. Then the next words he heard from you was a sentence he had least expected. 

“Don’t go. Stay.” Was all you could weakly muster out.

Jay stood there, unsure of what to do. You seemed to be utterly weakened. So how could he push you further? “You need to rest.” Jay replied, looking away from you—unable to face you in the heat of things.

“Please. Jay. I need you.” 

This time you sat up to look at him. Jay turned to look at you, wondering if what you had said was real. Then as he saw you sitting there, eyes full of something he never saw from you. The heat of his core began to ache. That look he saw in your eyes was lust. You wanted him at that very moment and Jay could see that as clear as day. Yet, he was still unsure of himself. But when you began to untie the top of your dress before him, all reasoning began to leave his mind.

He watched as the sleeves slipped down your shoulders, dropping past your chest pooling around your waist—revealing your exposed breasts. Jay licked at his bottom lip, before crashing onto yours. His hands cupped at your face, delving himself into the kiss—piecing himself to you like a puzzle piece. The hand placed at your cheek slid around to the back of your neck, angling yet pushing his fevered lips deeper into yours. Jay leaned himself onto the bed—your body following with his movements. His grip on your neck was still strong, whilst his other hand began to dance down your chest.

Rough fingers tauntingly grazing at your nipple, before kneading the bud between his index and thumb. You couldn’t help but moan into the kiss, startled by the sudden pressure on your breasts. As Jay continued to rub your nipple he soon let it go, instead this time cupping your boob in his hands.

His tongue swept past your bottom lip, urging for you to open up for him. You complied diligently, as his tongue slipped in, finding yours immediately. Soon Jay was swirling his tongue along with yours, in hopes to loosen the tension in you as much as he could—while he massaged your chest gently.

The kiss was heated and breathy, your arms desperately clutched around his neck as you followed along with his lead. At a certain point you needed to breathe, but Jay, so immersed into your plump lips, didn't notice you tapping at his chest—only when you bit his lip did he notice. Breaking the kiss right away, Jay began to observe your face—just a few inches from his—your lips now a red color as you breathed deeply underneath him. The last time he had seen such a sight was the day he kissed you at the altar. But now he would see more than just your lips red and sore for him.

Jay’s hand left your chest, reaching up to lower your back against the bed. His hand at your neck left its place, now gluing itself to your waist. Jay’s hands roamed your body as he took in the sight of you, gliding down every curve and crevice—worshipping you in the process. 

The one thing left in his way was the rest of your dress. Immediately tugging the fabric down your legs. Your body was now bare—all except for your panties. Jay was quick to undress himself, fingers frantically rushing to unbutton his shirt.

As his shirt hit the floor, he made way to his pants—unbuttoning in such precision to earnestly remove them. Now he stood there in between your legs, gently grinding his bulge into your core. You bit your lip at the pressure against your cunt. Head turning to the side in a poor attempt to hide your reddening face. Jay was too engaged with what was happening below to realize you were also finding pleasure in everything.

Cursing under his breath his hips wouldn’t stop moving into you. So drunk on you he kept with his motions—which also helped in loosening you more. The moment he spotted his precum soak through his briefs he knew it was time.

Discarding your underwear, Jay got a better view of your wet cunt before him. He could see the way your entrance twitched in anticipation for him. You peeked at him from the corner of your eyes, waiting for Jay to remove his garments as well.

Then as he slid the cloth of his briefs down did you see his cock. The size was unlike something you ever imagined. The girth seemed far too big to fit inside of you, not to mention the faint ridges beneath his shaft. You swallowed back, throat drying at the mere sight of him in front of you. But out of everything, what caught your eyes the most was the tiny blue scales amongst his pelvis. Seemingly the most dragonlike thing about him—besides his eyes.

Jay nestled his cock onto your heat, rubbing himself up and down your folds. The rugged feeling of the ridges against your cunt elicited a moan from you. Despite your pooling desire you began to worry about his size.

“Jay… I don’t think. It won’t fit.” You whimpered out, hand stretching out to push his hips away from yours—yet only your fingertips grazed against his skin.

Suddenly Jay brought both your legs together, holding them straight against his chest—his dick tightly pressed in between your thighs. The pressure was agonizing whilst he imagined himself bottomed out inside of you. It was enough, but he still needed to prep you.

“Shhh.” Jay soothed you, interlocking his free hand with yours, as his hips still continued their slow thrusts.

Throwing an arm over your face you basked in the pleasure, head swirling as you began to see stars in your vision. Your hand tightened in his hold, legs trembling harshly every time he dragged his cock through your folds. Your moans only grew more as his hips began to slam into the back of your thighs. You could feel that knotted feeling in your stomach loosen again. Your heated moans slowly morphed into his name—the feeling of your orgasm looming over you as he continued. Noticing this Jay picked up his pace slightly, wishing to help you cum first.

With one final feverish rub of his cock against your clit the pooling heat inside of you was released. Feeling the way your legs viscously trembled in his grasp, Jay stopped his movements. Slowly rubbing himself into you—helping soothe your orgasm down. You both sat there for a moment. You savoring the ecstasy of it all while Jay watched you. Your arms tightly covered over your face as you laid there catching your breath. It was only the second time that you came, but you were already spent.

Soon your legs would be set into a different position—angled to be pressed at your sides. Jay sluggishly ran his cock against your cunt. Whimpers left your lips—a needy attempt to voice how sensitive you were—but Jay continued on. 

Then as your eyes peered down you saw his cock, tip red and leaking of precum. That's when you realized he didn’t cum at all while he catered to you. Jay got you to cum twice and here he stood still holding it in. Your hands stretched out to your legs, helping to hold them flush against yourself—hoping Jay would also realize your want for him. Jay gulped at the sight. Laying there as you held your legs apart just for him, he was truly enamored with the sight of you. 

As he rubbed himself into your core, he began to thumb at your clit. The gentle and slow circles chewed away at you as you began to feel yourself grow impatient. Yet while he thumbed your clit, it distracted you from the main course of things.

Jay settled the head of his cock at your entrance, you seemed wet enough to take him, and Jay prayed it would be enough to not hurt. As he slowly nudged his way into you, your breath hitched in your throat. This pressure was different from when Jay’s fingers were in you. You could feel the way his tip began to stretch you out. It hurt momentarily, yet the pleasure washing over your body made it durable.

The hand that thumbed at you outstretched onto your pelvis—still continuing his circles on you. His palm on your pelvis made you feel grounded as he inched his way into you. With every inch of his cock in you, your moans began to slip out. As he entered, Jay’s tip momentarily rubbed past that sensitive area. You gasped out at the feeling, back arching at the indescribable pleasure.

Soon Jay was merely half way into you, taking his time to adjust you to his size. He continued to rub your clit, noticing it helped loosen in you in the process. The whole time Jay watched you shake and shudder before him, yet as he looked down his eyes were glued on the way you swallowed him. Every inch disappearing into your tight cunt. With just a few more pushes he was able to nestle his pelvis onto your core. Staying still he needed you to become comfortable with the feeling of him inside. Softly rubbing his hips into you he leaned down to your ear.

“I’m gonna start moving now…” 

Was all he said as his body caged you, arms rested at your side as he drew his hips back. Steady and slow before slamming back into you. Your hands left your thighs as you now blissfully hugged at his neck—nails digging into his back in desperation. 

Every time Jay dragged his hips back the pace was the same—all while rubbing against that spongy spot—yet when he buried himself back inside, it felt needy and rushed. At a certain point in, the pacing of his thrusts picked up. 

No longer was he slowly dragging himself out of you, he was now earnestly slamming his hips into yours. You were soon a mess underneath him, your moans turning into a mix of mewls and gasps. Tears began to brim at your eyes, the pain and pleasure becoming too unbearable for you to handle. 

As Jay buried his head next to yours he turned to look at you. Mind wondering if your face was the exact same way he imagined it. And his imagination was correct, but when he saw the tears he couldn’t help but wanting to kiss them away. His lips met the wet corners of your eyes, hoping to comfort you through his erratic thrusts.

Jay could feel himself reaching his breaking point—his movements becoming a blend of rough and fast to lazy and stable. He was due to cum at any second, but began to doubt things once again—hips pausing for a second—truly asking himself if this is what he wanted to do.

But as he thought of you being able to carry his child and raise one with him, those doubts began to leave him. Now he was telling himself it would be fine, you had The Saintess’ blessing. So surely her holy powers would be able to help you when you would give birth. Agreeing with himself he picked up the pace of his hips one more time.

With one last final harsh thrust he steadied himself—cock nestled deep inside, twitching slightly against your walls. With that one thrust you were able to come for what hoped to be the last time. The feeling of him throbbing inside had you whimpering beneath him, paired with the feeling of a rush of warmth that filled you. 

The two of you stayed in that position, savoring the feeling of each other—while you both caught your breaths. Jay left kisses along your face before pushing himself off of you—all while still being connected. You watched him, eyes half lidded. It wasn’t due to the fucked out daze you were in, but the fact you began to grow tired. Before you could say anything to Jay you were fast asleep. Noticing your tuckered out state, Jay was slightly beating himself up for being too rough with you.

Sliding out of you, Jay immediately noticed the way his cum dribbled out. In a frantic mess he left the bed searching around for something to wipe you up. Remembering his discarded shirt he grabbed it, beginning to wipe you down.

Once finished he searched in your section of the closest for night attire. Securing clean lingerie and a night dress he helped change you—not wishing to leave you in the bed naked. Finishing up, Jay tucked you underneath the covers, soon settling down on the edge of the bed next to you. He watched your sleeping form—chest rising up and down slowly—truley admiring how much he began to love you. 

Jay still felt he didn’t deserve love. But you? You began to show him that he was allowed to take part in that emotion. His hand rested on your stomach, softly rubbing it as the things he did dawned on him. He just truly hoped and wished whatever happened from here on out would be okay. Not just for him, but for you.

The next morning you woke up severely sore. Your back ached as well as your legs—especially your thighs. Serim was with you the whole morning, nursing you and helping out as much as she could to comfort you. As she helped she did ask about what happened, deep down she knew you and Jay had a steamy night, but was worried regardless.

You told her what she had suspected, even telling her how it was your first night together. Serim was shocked at the truth since she believed your consummation happened the night of your wedding. Despite her surprise Serim wasn’t upset with you. She found it chivalrous that Jay wanted you to strengthen your body before he bedded you.

You laughed at her burst of admiration for him. While you both shared the conversation you went ahead to ask about Heeseung—wondering as to what was going on with the both of them. Serim blushed at your question, head shying away from you. 

The room filled with giggles at not only her reaction but her speaking so highly of Heeseung—truly proving he was taking great care of her. Before the two of you could chat more, Jay came into the room. Serim straightened herself as she greeted him. Jay gave her a soft smile before politely excusing her. Serim said her goodbyes—secretly waving at you—before leaving the room. Jay turned to you, brows knitting as he saw your weakened state. “Sorry. I was too rough last night wasn’t I?”

His words caught you off guard. Your cheeks heated up as you processed what he said. “What?! Oh! No you weren’t!” Your words came off high pitched while answering him. Jay chuckled at your reaction—admiring how adorable he found you. Making his way over to you he placed a hand on your cheek, caressing your face gently. You melted in his touch like always. Cheek rubbing into his gentle hand.

“Also. I am sorry about cumming inside as well.”

You craned your head at his words. What did he mean? Then it dawned on you on what he was talking about. Your hands shot to your stomach, gently rubbing the surface. The thought of a child didn’t frighten you, if anything it made you excited. A reminder that you married Jay to live a happy life and create a family.

Jay saw the way you smiled, a bit of relief washing over him all at once. “Well it's not guaranteed you’ll be pregnant right away. A dragonborn’s sperm is potent but it's not easy to tell after one time. I mean if the idea of having a child with me is okay…”

Even if your body ached, and was sore all over you jumped up to hug him. Arms wrapping around his neck—tippy toes barely touching the floor—as you spoke happily about wishing to raise a child with him. Jay reciprocated the hug, arms tightly wrapping around your waist as he nuzzled into your shoulder.

Jay didn’t deserve you. He didn’t deserve you to agree so willingly, especially when you seemed so happy. He hated how he couldn’t tell you the real truth of the matter. Yes he wished to create a family with you, but not in a reality where his brother was threatening his mother. He just hoped you’d be able to stay ignorant of the truth—fearing deep down that he could lose you. 

Separating from the hug, you settled back into the bed. Straining your body too much from one hug. You could see worriedness on Jay’s face—slightly mixed with guilt. “Hey. Don’t be upset. Remember I’m a descendant of The Saintess. I’ll be better tomorrow morning I promise.”

Jay loosened up at your words, but still held a small amount of guilt. Giving you a soft smile he agreed with your words in the end. “If that's the case, take the rest of the day to get better. Tomorrow I’ll introduce you to one of the castle’s doctors. I trust her with my life so you should be fine.”

“Thank you so much Jay.”

His ears reddened at his name, happy that you were able to call him by his name instead of that stupid title. Any worries on his face now vanished—at the mere sound of his name. Jay reached a hand out to stroke the top of your head. You enjoyed it whenever Jay did so, finding yourself beginning to crave for his affection.

“I’ll get going now. I need to finish up some work unfortunately. I’ll have Serim serve you dinner in the room. Just rest for today.” Leaning down, Jay placed a peck to your forehead. With one more gentle look at you he left the room. You laid there, fingers rubbing at your forehead as you began to miss your husband.

The next day you indeed felt better, any trace of aching or soreness was long gone from your body. You woke up earlier than usual—way before breakfast was to be served—after getting dressed and ready you made your way to Jay’s office. Already wishing to see him first thing in the morning. 

As you made your way into the office Jay was happy to see that you were right. In just one day your holy powers healed you back to perfect health. Getting up from his seat Jay walked over—meeting you halfway in the room—arms open as he wished to hug you.

You were quick to reciprocate the hug. Arms wrapping around his waist as you enjoyed the warmth of his chest. You both stood there for little over a minute, the only thing breaking you apart was the sound of Jungwon clearing his throat. Parting ways you both stood there sheepishly, not thinking how much your feelings for either were in sync.

“Yes. Well. I want to introduce you to the doctor today. I’ll introduce you both around lunch time?”

“That sounds great! I will see you at breakfast then!” You turned on your heel stiffly as you made way to the doors. Before leaving you turned around, giving Jay a small wave before heading off to the dining room.

“You both are utterly smitten with one another.” Jungwon chimed in as he continued to look through his work.

“Shut up.”

Later that afternoon like Jay had said, you met the castle doctor—Yunjin. She had a beautiful color of light auburn hair and dark chestnut eyes. The one feature on her that really stuck out to you was the mole on her nose. She was truly beautiful in your eyes.

Jay introduced you both to one another. Yunjin truly cared about her position as Jay’s entrusted doctor, and was all the more grateful she was chosen to look after your pregnancy check ups. During your first meeting she checked to see if you were possibly pregnant. Jay and her knew it was unlucky after the first night but needed to check just in case. 

At the end of the check up you in fact weren’t pregnant—which only meant more heated moments between you and Jay. Once Yunjin finished up, you thanked her plenty of times. Yunjin couldn’t help but grow a soft spot for you off of your first meeting—genuinely understanding why Jay was quick to adore you. As you and Jay watched Yunjin leave, he snaked a hand at your lower back, tugging you close to him in the process. Leaning down to your ear he whispered something to you. “Shall we try again tonight?” 

You couldn’t help but blush at his words. In return all you could do was shyly nod your head at him. Jay smiled to himself at your flustered actions, kissing against your neck and ear as he led you back to the room. That night was filled with passion and desire just like a couple days prior. 

Soon a month would pass, and within that month The Saintess’ season would start. You watched as the winter snow melted into the lush green you saw in the paintings. The colors reminded you so much of home as well. Different flowers bloomed during this season, flowers that would stay healthy and strong.But being able to witness The Saintness season was the least of your busy life.

Cause within that time you slowly began to realize how carnal Jay was. Every other day without fail he bedded you. Whether it was in the morning, evening, or night, Jay was utterly entranced by you. Of course it was all for the sake of you getting pregnant, but there were many times where it felt as if he wanted to be with you because it was you—not for the sake of having his child. That realization alone made you putty in his hands. Giving into his every whim and desire whenever he saw it, and the same was for you as well.

Some days you would do it in the room, other days in the office—Jay was more hands on during those moments, enjoying the way you grew nervous of someone walking in. Even though he made sure to lock the office doors everytime—the secluded staircase was another area in the castle.

Despite mating like bunnies, you were yet to be pregnant. Jay’s behavior shifted a little bit at this. That's when you came to notice how smitten he was—clinging to you as if he was starving. He was eager about releasing in you, always making sure to keep you on him when you both finished. Even going as far as to bending you in such an erotic position, you were bound to end up pregnant.

And just like that you were. You had your daily check up with Yunjin in the late evening—which always ended in no good news. But this time was different. Yunjin seemed more chipper this time, eagerly waiting to tell you something. Once she told you the news, you jumped up to hug her, graciously happy that you were now with a child. 

With no more time to spare you quickly left Yunjin’s room. Hurriedly making your way to Jay’s office. Serim and Heeseung didn’t accompany you on your unplanned visit, since you wished to share this information with Jay alone, as well as wishing him to be the first person to hear it.

You smiled from ear to ear, exhilaration filling up every inch of your body. You could see the doors to his office right at the end of the hall. Picking up your pace as you began to grow impatient. Finally making it to the door you were about to make your way in when you realized one of the doors was cracked ajar. Then your ears picked up on the shared words from inside.

As always it was Jungwon who accompanied Jay in the office. Yet they were both talking about The Emperor, then about you. You shouldn’t have eavesdropped—you know that—but you grew curious on why you were a topic of conversation.

“She needs to know the truth one day, Your Grace.” Jungwon’s usual warm voice was cold and blunt while he spoke.

Jay meekly answered. “Yes. But…”

“Your Grace. There is no but scenario…” Jungwon hissed.

“I know that you and Her Grace have been at it non stop in hopes for her to bear a child. But you need to tell her why you’re actually doing this.”

One of your brows raised at his words. What was Jungwon implying? Was there a bigger motive to all of this besides an arranged marriage. The marriage was indeed arranged, but you believed the both of you had shared feelings. Especially with how nice and affectionate he was with you. That wasn’t false was it?

Then the next things that came out of Jay’s mouth truly shattered your heart.

“Tell her what exactly? That I’m using her to gain a child for my brother?! She can’t know Jungwon and you know that…” Jay raised his voice at Jungwon. Eyes gleaming whilst snarling at his best friend.

But those words were enough to have you running down the hall. Tears stinging your eyes as they fell from your face. You couldn’t believe what Jay had said. Was your marriage really a set up for you to have his child? Your head spun as you tried piecing everything together.

All the times he kissed you, hugged you, touched you. Was it all just a façade? Then you remembered the way he made love with you, the dawning realization made you sick to your stomach.

You didn't know where to run too. You couldn’t go back to the room, or hide out in the staircase—he was sure to find you. As you kept running you unconsciously made your way to Serim’s room—tucked all the way in one of the corners of the castle wing.

Making it to Serim’s room you frantically banged on her door. “Serim. I need you.” Sobbing out as your bawled up hands began to numb.

Serim tore the door open, her face mixed with confusion and fear. Then as she saw your tear stained face her eyes shifted to immediate concern. “My Lady! What happened!? What's going on?” Her hands stretched out to—holding onto the sides of your arms fearing you would slink down.

“I. I don’t. I don't know what to do, Serim.” Your voice hitched as the sound of your wailing sobs cut in between your words. Your shaky hands rubbing at your eyes in a poor attempt to wipe the tears away.. 

Serim rubbed your arms as she led you into the room, settling you down on the bed kneeling in front of you. Her hands reached to yours, pulling them to the side as she aided in wiping your tears away. You sat there allowing Serim to do as she wished—stilling weeping before her.

After lots of gentle soothing and gentle words you calmed down. Your nose a stuffy mess as you stared at the palm of your hands. “What happened? I’ve never seen you like this…” Serim’s words were full of sorrow. Her chest tightening as she saw you—the strongest person she knew—crumbling before her.

Her question of concern brought more tears to your eyes. But instead of a stream of tears, they dribbled down, your eyes already tired from the sobbing session you had mere minutes ago. Then as you cleared your coarse throat you told her everything—the news of your pregnancy up to what you overheard from Jay.

Serim sat there shocked. Unsure of how to comfort you in this situation. “What are you going to do?” She was concerned. There was no way you would be able to be the same near Jay anymore. Not only did he break your trust. He shattered your heart into a million pieces, and Serim could hear those pieces hitting rock bottom.

“I want to leave here. I can’t be here anymore, Serim. I can’t face him.” Your face landed back into your hands as you cried, the situation of things sinking into you.

“What of the child?” 

You paused, tears halting as you remembered the child growing inside of you. Of course you wouldn’t get rid of it, you were ready to love and care for the little one. “I’ll keep it. It may have been brought up in an artificial marriage. But that doesn’t mean the child has to suffer for it. Wherever I go and wherever I end up, I will care for it with all the love in the world. It’s what the baby deserves at the end of the day.”

Serim teared up at your words—happy that she had chosen to serve you for the rest of her life.

“Does that mean you wish to run away. Leave far from here and raise the little one all alone?” You thought about Serim’s question for a moment. But even then it only took a few mere seconds to agree—positive on the decision laid out for you.

Serim nodded her head—understanding what you wished for—as she conjured a plan. “A trip back to the family estate is nearly impossible. You would be found out within the first few hours. You also have no land or relatives out here, so staying undercover won’t work…” Then she thought some more, the image of a familiar red head struck her. 

Heeseung could help. He knew the ins and outs of Seathal, Serim was sure he’d know of a place that was decently far away but also out of Jay’s eyesight. “I’ll ask Heeseung.” You looked at her, eyes widening in shock. “Heeseung? Are you sure he’s gonna allow this? Jay entrusted his safety to me, there's no way he would possibly agree to this…”

“I am certain he will help out. I know he will…”

For the next couple of hours Serim would give you a set plan of escape. You told her about the secluded staircase, ensuring her that the both of you wouldn’t be seen by anyone else in the castle. You also made sure to have her relay this info to Heeseung, that was if he was genuinely going to agree to help.

You and Serim made an agreement to meet one another in the staircase at three a.m. That meant you only had seven hours to play pretend with Jay. You weakly made it back to the room, face clear from the stains and puffiness, yet your heart still ached. You could feel yourself being torn apart, you were unsure if you'd be able to last seven hours. 

While you made it back to your bedroom, Serim was on a hunt for Heeseung—feeling distressed as she looked in every room she could think of. Then as Serim made her way to a more secluded hallway, Heeseung had miraculously come around the corner. 

Serim ran up to him in a frenzy, hands grabbing at his arms before spewing an array of words at him. “Heeseung I need your help.”

Hearing Serim ask for his help the way she did had him alert. “What happened? Are you hurt? Is Her Grace hurt too?” Hands at her cheeks, turning her face side to side—checking for anything out of the ordinary.

“No, but. It does pertain to Her Grace. But she's not hurt or anything…” Serim’s words trailed off as she looked away from Heeseung.

“Please tell me what it is Serim. What's going on?”

Serim told him everything, relaying almost an exact copy of the words she heard from you. As she finished, Serim looked at Heeseung. Hoping that he at least thought about the situation.

“Serim. I.” His words were filled with uncertainty. You were right, he was torn between listening to his master or protecting you from harm like Jay had tasked him too.

“Please Heeseung. You have to help us. Her Grace. My Lady, she's suffering. I don't wish to see her like this. Please. I’m begging you Hee.”

Over the six months of you living in Seathal, Serim and Heeseung had an eye for one another the first day they met. And as time went on they began to develop mutual feelings for one another. You had known—more so it was a hunch, and the same could be implied for Jay—but didn’t say much, wishing to respect your friend’s privacy.

But as Heeseung heard his nickname fall from Serim’s lips, he knew this wasn’t servant to servant. But that of a lover asking for help from the one they love most. 

Heeseung fought with himself, a war going off inside of him internally. But even if his master’s task was law, he loved Serim more than that. “I’ll help you.”

Serim’s eyes gleamed with hope, utterly grateful for the man to call her lover. Grasping at the collar of his uniform, she dragged him down to her height. Leaving a kiss against his lips—showing how much she appreciated the man in front of her. As Serim parted her lips from Heeseung he gave her a smile, truly showcasing how smitten he was with the girl. 

“We have seven hours to kill. I’ll fill you in on everything before we get Her Grace.” Heeseung nodded along as the two of them walked out of the hallway.

You felt empty as you stood at the balcony windows. Your heart and soul felt like a hollow void while looking at the very flowers Jay had dedicated to you. Those same blue hyacinths that held a definition of unwavering loyalty. But what loyalty was there when he had lied to your face for six months? You scoffed at the flowers, finding yourself hating the thing you deemed as your favorite only five months ago. 

The clicking sound of the door didn’t startle you, all it did was prepare you to act how you always did. The you that held an unlimited amount of love and adoration for your so called husband.

Hands wrapped around your waist, Jay pulled you closer to him, your body now flushed against his chest. Just like he always did when he held you from behind, Jay rested his forehead on your shoulder—taking in your scent before laying kisses along the back side of your neck.

“I missed you.” His words made your stomach churn, not in a fleeting way. It was far from that.

You rested your hands on his arms, rubbing them gently as you lied to him—for the first time during your marriage—all while faking a smile. “I missed you too.”

Jay looked at your face, eyes staring into yours, feeling as if something was amidst. “What’s wrong?”

Your body froze at his question, fearing he had caught you. But despite your panicked thoughts it seemed as if he was only concerned. “I’m just tired is all.”

“I can help you with that.” His words whispered into your ear, the feeling of his breath brushing past your ear sending chills down your spine. 

You wanted to hate him with every bone in your body, yet your body craved for his touch. Your brain may have known what to feel, but your heart still yearned for the man you thought loved you. 

Jay began to nibble the back of your neck, whilst leading you to the balcony window—caging you between him and the glass. You placed your hands on the window, helping to steady yourself as he continued on.

You wanted to push him off, scream at him, yell at him, hate him. But you had to keep up the act, just seven hours of playing pretend—was all you needed to not raise suspicion. Your moans choked in your throat as his hand dragged up your dress, ghosting along your legs before gripping the fabric back.

Your body was soon pressed fully against the window as Jay weighed down on you—hand propped at one side of you. The pressure and closeness had your legs feeling numb. You despised how much your body enjoyed it, how he knew all your sensitive spots. As if on queue he began to suck at that particular area under your ear.

You bit your lip, muffling the string of moans as best as you could.

“Don’t do that. You’re gonna hurt your lips.” Jay brought his fingers over to your lips, grazing them as he placed them in hopes you’d bite on his finger instead.

Taking his gesture you bit down on his finger. Jay winced slightly at how harsh it was, but looked past it. Jay soon rolled his hips into you, pressing his stiffness into the plush heat. It didn’t take long for him to discard his pants—and briefs—as well as your underwear. Jay rubbed his bare cock between your thighs before meeting the tip at your entrance. As always he was slow and sensual, always making sure you weren’t in pain—yet as you both did it for so long you grew accustomed to his size. 

Your legs shook as Jay made his way inside—you may have grown used to him, but the feeling of him filling you always left you winded. Jay inched his way in, savoring the feeling of your walls clenching around his cock. 

The hand that was at your lips left you as he dragged his fingers down the side of your body. His grip ended up on your hips, fingers now digging into the flesh of your skin. The stinging pain only heightened your pleasure eliciting more moans. Hearing your satisfied voice Jay picked up his pace. 

The angle he had you in allowed him to drag along that sensitive spot nestled inside. The constant twang of pleasure made you dizzy, forgetting for a brief moment of your discontentment for him. Everything else was a blur. So lost in that dizzying haze you now found yourself in bed. Jay was sound asleep next to you. Arm wrapped over your waist holding you close to him. You peeled his arm off as you slipped out from the bed.

At the beginning of the marriage Jay was always a light sleeper. Either woke up at the smallest noise or just never slept. But as he shared a bed with you and slept next to you that habit of his went away. He would still wake up to some things, but if you were quiet enough things were fine.

As you stood from the bed you watched Jay's sleeping form. Your heart ached as you looked at him, the betrayal of him creeping back on you. Looking at the clock on the side table it read two a.m. There was one more hour until you needed to meet up with Serim.

You headed to the wardrobe, quickly changing as you fished around for clothes. Hoping to find ones that were light weight for the travel ahead. You found plain underdresses in your search—opaque enough that you could wear them as is. Pulling a couple clothing items from the closet you stuffed them into a small travel suitcase. Once everything fit you were positively ready to leave.

But before you decided to head out, your legs stopped you. Part of you wanted to leave without a word, vanish from his life as if you never existed. Yet part of you couldn’t do it. He may have lied to you about the marriage but you lived an amazing six months in Seathal nonetheless.

Walking over to the desk you pulled out a paper and ink quill. Flattening out the parchment you began to write. Etching your words onto the paper in hopes he would accept everything for what it was.

Finishing up, you folded the letter and set it next to the table on—Jay’s side—along with your half of the wedding ring. Your fingers brushed through his hair gently—taking one final look at the man before you. “May we never meet again.” Was all you whispered before slipping through the bedroom doors.

You hurriedly made your way down the hallway—still making sure to be quiet as you moved. Making your way through the painting door and down the long steps you made it to the exit. Outside stood Serim, dressed in casual clothes and a hooded cloak with her suitcase at tow. Hearing you peer out from the door Seirm gave you a gentle smile. Handing over an extra cloak while greeting you. “Did he suspect anything?” Serim asked while helping tie the cloak around you.

“No. He was the same as usual.” Your voice was soft as you tugged at the neckline of your dress—hididng the blatantly red hickies displayed on your neck.

Serim was quiet as she understood what your words had implied. Making sure you were settled, she placed her hand in yours as she led you to meet up with Heeseung. 

“Where are we going?”

“We’re going to meet up with Heeseung, My Lady.”

“He really agreed to help?” You were hesitant for a moment. Unsure to truly place your trust in the knight who was under Jay.

“Yes My Lady. I trust him with my heart. I know he won’t hurt us.”

The rest of the walk was silent. The situation of everything slowly weighing down on you both. There was no confirmed guarantee that this plan would work—fearing deep down the three of you would be caught immediately. After a few more minutes you both made it to a secluded horse stable—it was near the edge of the castle which hugged the lush forest next to it. There in the night with the faint glow of an oil lamp shining against red hair was Heeseung. 

He stood underneath the stable between two horses. On his left was a horse with a beautiful white coat, and on his right was a brown horse that had white specs in its coat. As you made your way closer you saw that Heeseung was dressed casually as well. He wasn’t thinking of leaving Jay to join you was he?

“Heeseung!” Serim piped happily as she ran over to hug him.

Heeseung happily held his arms open engulfing her in his arms, all while shushing her from being a bit loud. You followed in suit, eyes softening as you watched the pair in front of you. Finally breaking away from the moment Heeseung looked up at you to remember what he was originally here for. “Your Grace.” He said while straightening his posture and bowing.

You smiled at him before giving him a response. “Heeseung please, you don’t have to call me that anymore.You know I’m leaving that all behind.”

“But I simply couldn’t.” His brows knitted as he unwelcomed the thought to refer to you so casually.

“I will agree to not call you Your Grace. But allow me to address you as Your Lady instead.” 

Heeseung wasn’t going to let this go no matter what, and for you, being addressed as Lady was easier to swallow so you allowed it. Solving that minor problem you asked Heeseung the bigger issue that weighed on your mind.

“Are you planning to leave Jay’s side?”

Heeseung grew quiet at your words. All he could do to answer was nod his head.

“Why?” All you could do was question him.

“His Grace instructed me to protect you. And if that means destroying his trust then so be it. In the end you would be safer far away from here.” Your face softened at his words. Heeseung had taken his duty so severely that he was willing to sacrifice his own life to uphold that. He was truly worthy of being with Serim.

Packing up the things on the horses, Heeseung had explained the scenario to you. There was a cabin that his family owned in the woods, it was a day out travel, since the cabin was located in a remote farmland. He proceeded to explain that you and Serim would stay in the cabin and he would find lodging in the small town. 

This allowed him to bring over foods and items he brought in town while you continued to hide out in the cabin. The plan was perfect, it sounded like it would work. No, it was going to work. Making sure everything was all set, you set off for Heeseung’s cabin in the dead of night.

That night as the rising sun peaked through the green tree leaves of your travel you were going to leave everything behind. The Saintess’ season would be the last time you ever hoped to see Jay.

The next morning Jay woke up early—just as he always did—sunrise peering into the distance from the balcony window. His arms stretched around the bed feeling for you, thinking of wanting to sleep with you in his arms for the first time in a while. But as he felt the empty space next to him he froze.

Eyes widening at your missing presence. Climbing out of the bed Jay looked throughout the room, believing you were hiding or playing a joke on him. But his search ended in vain, you were nowhere to be found. Then he realized you were most likely within the castle, but before he could use his mana to find you he saw the folded paper in the corner of his eye.

Picking up the oddly placed letter he opened it—reading the contents right away. And written into that paper were your words of departure. Relaying how he was using you to help The Emperor for a child. Jay began to crumple the edges of the paper, eyes not believing what he was reading. But as he read on, his jaw clenched with anger.

At the every end of your letter you hoped to never see him again, and wished he wouldn’t look for you. Before he could conjure his mana, a faint twinkle of light caught his eye. Looking down, that's when he noticed it. Your wedding ring. 

Jay crumpled up the letter in his hand—fuming while doing so—soon pocketing it away. If the scenario was different he would respect your wishes, but he couldn’t. Not when you barely knew the surface of the real truth. Storming out of his room Jay made a beeline to his office.

Finding a maid on the way he yelled at them to wake up Jungwon. He had never acted out like this to any of the servants, yet he couldn’t help it. He was so furious at himself for not even realizing the woman he loved planned to run away from him. Not when you reciprocated to his desires last night. It all felt impossible to him.

Pushing open the doors, Jay made his way to the desk. Frantically looking through the paperwork that littered on top. But what was he going to find? It wouldn’t be your whereabouts, there wouldn’t be any answers. There was nothing.

In a fit of rage he swept everything off the desk. Papers ended up everywhere, quills and ink splattering against the floor, along with the sound of items shattering. Slamming his hands on the table Jay took deep breaths as his mind began to question everything.

Where did he go wrong?

Not long after Jungwon came into the room—hair a mess and clearly disheveled. “What’s wrong. Why are you waking me up so early in the morning?” Irritation clear in his voice.

“She’s gone…”

“What? Who? Who’s gone?” Jungwon was utterly confused by what Jay was saying—now taking in the chaotic mess.

“Y/N! She’s gone!” His voice was raised as his hands clawed into the wood of the desk.

“What?” Jungwon still couldn’t grasp the scenario. Just yesterday things were perfectly normal. But now you were gone? Vanished into thin air like a ghost? It was impossible.

“She found out about what we were talking about Jungwon. She thinks I was using her. It’s what she wrote in the letter.” Jay drew the crumbled paper from his pocket, shaky hands outstretching to Jungwon.

He took the paper, crinkling it out as best as he could. As Jungwon read the words on the paper it clicked for him. You overheard their conversation, misunderstood Jay’s words and deemed  everything to be a lie. Jungwon now saw why Jay was spiraling.

For the next couple of hours, Jay sat in the chair silently. Facing the large windows as he watched the sunny sky shine over the greenery. He wanted to respect your wishes, but knew deep down that was impossible. He needed to explain himself, tell you the real truth. Tell you how torn apart he was about everything. 

But would you even want to hear his words?

The silence was interrupted by the soft knock on the door. Jay stayed silent still, choosing to ignore whoever was at the door. Jungwon instead took the initiative to open it. Once opening the door he was face to face with Yunjin. He quietly greeted her while asking what she was here for. “I wanted to come and congratulate His Grace on the news. I’m sure Her Grace already told him, but I wanted to send my congratulations as well.”

Jay’s ears perked at the mention of you. Cutting Jungwon off he asked what Yunjin was implying. “What do you mean congratulations?”

“Oh? Her Grace is pregnant. I assumed she came to tell you, she was very excited to have you be the first one to hear of it.” That’s when Jay’s world came crashing down again. You were pregnant… You were pregnant and you decided to run away from him. 

His nails dug into the palm of his hand—slightly drawing blood—as he clenched his fist in anger. This new information changed everything. There was no telling what would happen to you. 

Yes you were only a couple days pregnant. But the possibility of that child emerging was at random, it could arrive months or even weeks from now. Jay needed to find you, whether you would let him or not. He was going to do everything in his power to seek out your location.

“Jungwon. Gather an expedition together, we need to find Y/N no matter what.”

“Yes Your Grace.” Jungwon obliged to his words, not questioning him for one second.

“And, kill anyone that my brother planted from the palace. He can’t find out about this…” It was the last task Jay gave Jungwon before formulating a plan.

It was a couple days after arriving at the cabin—it was small and cherubic. It had everything a house needed, a small farm, watering well, and a shed. The inside was just as dainty. The kitchen area was open, a small dining table accompanied the middle—big enough for all three of you—a small sitting area by a fireplace, a room and bathroom on the first floor, and then an upstairs attic which was turned into a living space. Serim took the bed downstairs, strongly pushing that you deserved all the space to yourself on the second floor. You did your best to argue but ended up taking the room. 

Heeseung would come over in the afternoon. A variety of fruits and food, as well as clothes were in his hand from the town at the edge of the forest. He also made sure to buy seeds for the farm in case something would happen to him.

The upcoming days were calm and quiet, you were certain this would be your life for a long time. But that dream ended when Heeseung made his way into the cabin in a frenzied rush. 

“Heeseung what’s wrong?” Serim concernedly asked as she ran over to him.

Walking down the stairs you wondered what the commotion was about. “What’s going on?”

Heeseung looked at you as he heard your voice, brows knitted anxiously as sweat dripped from his forehead. “There’s wanted posters of you in the town. His Grace. He plans on finding you.”

You stood there, a sense of doom filling your senses. You couldn’t let him find you no matter what. Your chest tightened as your breathing halted. Then came the urge to puke. Covering your mouth you ran to the bathroom, immediately reaching for the toilet—preparing yourself to throw up.

Sticking your head into the toilet bowl you began to throw up that morning’s breakfast. Serim helped in holding your hair back as you sat there. Tears brimmed at the corner of your eyes, feeling both the pain and anxiety hit you.

“My Lady, everything should be alright.” Heeseung spoke up. “No one ever ventures out here. Besides there's only a poster for you, so as long as you stay hidden away here. His Grace will never find you.”

Heeseung’s words of reassurance calmed you down. He was right, if they only targeted you, you would be fine. As long as you hid out here, he would never find you.

After the scare Heeseung gave you, things were back to normal again. The only hiccup was your morning sickness, you could barely enjoy anything remotely solid without throwing it back up most days. Due to your pregnant state, your body felt weaker than it ever did. The hickies that were still left by Jay were a consistent reminder of that—desperately making sure they weren’t visible.

You were littered in little cuts and bruises from doing menial work around the house. Serim always got on you about overworking yourself—due to being pregnant. But you hated just standing around and doing nothing. They were here because of you. You wished to be of aid as best as you can, so what if you got a few cuts and bruises due to that.

Soon two weeks had gone by, your morning sickness was better but a small ache would swell up inside of you at times, especially in the middle of the night. Agitated and aching for some sort of relief—that was too impossible to relieve.

Your hand inched down your stomach, scorching fingers brushing past your pelvis. You knew it was your heat that tingled every night. It craved for Jay every night, you hated that it did. 

But the minute your fingers slipped past your underwear you were biting your lip in anticipation. Your other hand lifted up the fabric as you eyed the way your juices clung to your fingers. A deep sigh left your lips at the sight, never noticing how wet you were until now.

Tucking up your night dress slightly you peeled the underwear off—the chill air brushing against your cunt. Your breath was shaky as you plunged your fingers in slowly. It was nothing like Jay’s cock, but you need some sort of relief. 

You angled your hips in a desperate attempt to reach that sensitive spot in your heat. But your fingers just weren’t enough. You whined at the lack of length your fingers had, wishing to alleviate the itch inside of you.

Instead you began to rub your clit as you simultaneously fingered yourself. Positive that this wave of pleasure would be just enough, and it indeed was. You bit your lip as you muffled the soft moans daring to escape your lips.

As you curled your fingers into your walls, picking up the pace of the circles on your clit, you could feel that euphoric high rise to your head. Your body jolted lightly, but as you kept going—dragging out your orgasm—your back arched up, body twitching amongst the bed. Settling yourself and removing your hands from your heat, you stared up at the ceiling. Tears began to fall from your eyes. You hated Jay, you hated him so much. Yet you missed his touch, his comfort, his affection. You began to miss everything about him.

The next day Serim and Heeseung decided to go to town together. You were happy with the idea, feeling that they would get to have a moment to themselves as lovers. Serim was persistent to stay back. It took lots of persuading to make her go with Heeseung.

In the end you were left at the cabin all by yourself. You did a little bit around the house. Tended to the farm, did some cleaning, along with some simple—somewhat disastrous—cooking, you were satisfied with the things you accomplished. As you were sitting down and relaxing there was a sudden knock at the door.

The sound put you on edge. It wasn’t Serim or Heeseung, they had a key to the cabin, not to mention they would’ve just entered. Then the thought of Jay crossed your mind, your chest tightened once more—struggling to breathe as you thought of him.

He had found you, that's all you thought as you faltered away from the door. Your head began to spin, your chest tightening more.

“Miss Saintess. I know you're in there. Open up.” 

It was a voice you never heard before. The unfamiliar voice helped pull you out of your anxiety. Slowly catching your breath you made your way to the door. “Who are you?” Was all you asked.

“Someone you know very well.” 

Without another thought your legs led you to the door. It was as if the stranger’s presence was beckoning you to come over. Your hand wrapped around the handle—hesitating briefly—opeing the door wide.

There stood someone you had never seen before. A large middle aged man clad in what seemed to be a long black chiton—adorned with gold accessories—long black hair that swept across the grass. Then there were his eyes, golden like sunrays of a lowering sun. Part of you recognized this man, but at that same time you didn’t.

The visuals of the man reminded you of someone. You ran through your memories, trying to remember why he felt familiar. You could feel the connection on the tip of your tongue. Then it hit you. 

The First Dragon.

“Wait you’re-”

Your words were cut off as he spoke—low and rhythmic. “Took you a while to recognize me.” The Dragon smirked while crossing his arms. Without another word he made his way inside, ignoring your calls for him to not enter.

“What are you doing here? No. Why are you here?” You became defensive, remembering the history of The Dragon and The Saintess. He had betrayed her, and hurt the people around The Saintess. So if he was here, then there was no good following behind.

“Be at ease Miss Saintess. I’m not here to hurt you.” The Dragon made his way to the lounge area, taking a seat for himself.

“If not that. Then what are you here for…” Your eyes glared at him—refusing to believe him for a second longer.

“That led me here.” He proceeded to point at you—more precisely your stomach.

Your eyes followed his finger to your stomach, hands covering yourself—protecting the growing child. “And why is that?” 

The Dragon chuckled at your growing frown. Amused at your behavior. “I can sense that child’s mana out here. It piqued my curiosity was all. Especially since I don't feel his mana anywhere.”

“Who else are you referring to?” “Of course my predecessor. Jay.” 

You began to back up, inching slowly towards the door as inconspicuous as possible. Everything was becoming far too much for you to wrap your head around. He still didn’t answer why he was here. Was The Dragon here for you or your child, you couldn’t read him, which made it all the more harder.

Serim and Heeseung won’t be back til late evening. You could only hope to bolt out of the house and hide out in the woods. As your hand was reaching behind you for the door handle, The Dragon caught you off guard.

“I’m assuming he didn’t tell you?”

Your ears perked at his words. Eyebrow raising as you tried to figure out what he was referring to. “Tell me what?”

“That the child might kill you.”

Your heart sank. Body chilling as your skin crawled with unease. “What?”

“I see. So he didn’t tell you.” The Dragon’s words trailed off, almost thinking about what to do with you.

“What do you mean the child might kill me?”

A heavy sigh left his lips, preparing himself to explain everything to you. “My descendents didn’t have it nice. You who was born with the gift of holiness and healing is truly the pure opposite of my children. Born to kill the very being that helped nurture and shelter them. Truly unlucky my children are.”

His words struck you like lightning. That explained why Jay did bed you the first night wasn’t it? It all became confusing again, unable to piece your thoughts together. 

“And now here we are. A child of The Saintess bearing one of my kin. How extraordinary is that?”

You stumbled slightly, steps staggering as you found your way to sit down. All you could think of was your impending doom of death. Wiping the sweat from your forehead you asked The Dragon a question. 

“Will I die?”

“Hmm. Not sure. It’s the first time I’ve seen one of her descendents mix with mine. So at the moment it’s unlikely.” His hand rested at his chin, thinking about the matter. “That’s mostly why I’m here. Curious to see if this child will be different from the others.”

Your jaw clenched at his words. He made it seem like the child was some object of studying. “Do not refer to the child as some experiment.”

The Dragon was shocked by your words. Failing to realize how genuine you were about raising the child, despite knowing the information that was kept away from you. “I see. My apologies then.”

You still stared at The Dragon, showing clear signs of discontent all over your face.

“I apologized. Can you stop looking at me like you’re going to hurt me?”

You kept the frown on your face, not choosing to listen to a thing he had to say. “You should leave soon anyways. My maid and knight should be here shortly.” Gesturing The Dragon to get a move on.

“If you wish.” Getting up from the chair he made his way over to the door. “I’ll be back soon. Who else is going to monitor your condition.”

You stayed silent as you opened the door for him. The Dragon gave you a smile before disappearing into the foliage ahead. You shook your head, unable to believe what had happened. 

It was never said The Dragon died, yet you didn’t think he would show up—out of the blue at that. Soon Serim and Heeseung came back, bringing items they had bought from town—an array of foods, materials for the cabin, and accessories for you. You kept quiet about your encounter with The Dragon, wishing to not worry them any more than they already were—even if they were hiding it.

As your days in the secluded woods were restful and happy, Jay was living through hell. The past two weeks he barely slept a wink. Dark circles formed under his eyes as he kept himself awake, working day and night to find you—but never getting far

He traveled to every border spanning from north, south, east, and west. But still couldn’t feel your presence anywhere. It really did feel as if you vanished into thin air. Jungwon urged Jay to try and get some rest, but he always persisted. 

Keeping everything out of The Emperor’s sight didn’t help at all for the matter. His undercover work only stressed him more. Then as night would roll around, as he tried to get some sleep. He would have nightmares. Of you. 

In those figments of terror he dreamed of finding you, yet when he did you only showed hatred towards him. Wishing nothing but the worst for him. Jay knew it was only a bad dream, even so it always felt so vivid. As if you were really standing there in front of him, cursing and hating him for what he did to you.

Usually an hour into the dream he’d wake up in a cold sweat—all with a mix of panic—hoping to never see those terrors ever again. Hoping to wipe the nightmare from his mind, Jay would either bury himself in work or work out in the training grounds until he was sore all over. 

He hated everything about this. He yearned to see you. Tell you how sorry he is, how he didn’t mean to hurt you, how he would make things right, and especially how much he truly loved you. But as the days went on and the searches kept hitting walls, he could feel that hopeful future fading through his fingers.

He just wanted to make things right.

After meeting The Dragon, he was serious about making a visit many more times again. He always came around when Serim and Heeseung were out. You questioned why he did so but felt that it was for the best. It was less of something to explain and less of him possibly hurting the people around you.

Within those visits you began to realize The Dragon wasn’t as bad as you perceived him as. After that day of telling him to address the child for a living being he continued to do so. Making sure to see if you were okay and if the growing baby was as well. 

It was all so odd to you. This being of who knows how many centuries old was taking care of you like a parent. Lecturing you to take care of yourself like Serim consistently did, making sure you never overexerted yourself, you were always safe even outside of his eyesight. The constant supervising had you confused.

“Why are you doing this?” 

You were both sitting outside, under a tree in a beautiful clearing within the forest. You knitted together a flower crown while The Dragon basked in the nice weather.

“What do you mean?” Was all he asked. But you could tell he was feigning ignorance.

You scoffed at his tone, finding his deflection to be amusing. “I know you know what I’m talking about. Let’s not be like this.”

The air grew silent at your testament of an answer. The sound of the hushed howling breeze was the only thing that killed the dead silence. 

With one deep exhale The Dragon spoke. “Why am I doing this?” He paused slightly, finding the words to tell you. “Because it’s the only way I can make up for my past.”

Your head tilted at his words, confused on what he had meant. What was there to make up? He betrayed The Saintess, that was a well known fact. So why did he show so much remorse for what he had done. “And what is it you’re trying to make up?”

“Hurting her.”

Your fingers stopped their weaving, head turning to him as you realized who he was referring to. “The Saintess?”

“Yes.”

The tone in his voice quickly changed. It sounded as if he was burdened by something more than hurting the woman he called a friend. There was sadness laced in his words.

“What actually happened?”

The Dragon closed his eyes. Memories of a time he spent with the woman he grew to love flooding into his mind. As he closed his eyes he recalled everything, relaying all his memories back to you.

Things were at peace, The Saintess and The Dragon who worked together to help the people around them. Aiding one another side by side in mutual cooperation. As their time together grew, so did their bond. And as time went on the two of them realized there was something more than a platonic feeling. 

But The Saintess’ people couldn’t allow the mere idea of a creature like him staying with the woman they deemed a god. So instead they chose to sabotage The Dragon. Taunting him, knowing he would blow a fuse and show what kind of monster he was deep down.

In the end, her people got exactly what they wanted. The Dragon lashed out on the town, burning things in his path—cindering everything he touched. Once The Dragon came too, he realized how grave of a mistake he made. The Saintess would surely never forgive him, for he had hurt the one thing she cared about most in the world.

That’s when The Dragon fled to Seathal, subjugating the land into an eternal winter. Many years went by as The Dragon isolated himself, bitterness taking over. Not to The Saintess or her people, but for himself. 

But when the day of The Saintess’ season blossomed, The Dragon felt her forgiveness. But he just couldn’t take it, until he made things right.

“And that's where you come in.”

Your eyesight began to blur, tears brimming as they fell down softly. Your whole life you were taught how evil and monstrous The Dragon was. Despite your childness of not wishing to let your family’s history rule your life. You didn’t expect this truth to emerge from the one being you never thought to hear from.

Instead he lived a life of guilt and solitude. Soon did you realize how lonely that life must have been. 

“Why are you crying?” The Dragon sounded shocked as he reached to wipe the tears from your eyes.

“I didn’t know.” You hicked as the tears streamed down your face. 

The Dragon sucked his teeth at your emotional state, not realizing this would be the outcome of his truth. “That’s fine. I didn’t expect anyone to know. So stop crying.”

His protests on your tears only had you producing more. “That’s why you’re helping me. Especially since for the time ever I’m being tied down to one of your kin.” Now you were sobbing between words. Gasping for air as you bawled out to him.

“Yes, yes, yes. Now please stop crying.”

After a few minutes you were now calmed down, eyes puffy and red while you struggled to breathe through your nose. “Thank you for telling me.” Your words came off hoarse as you spoke to him.

“Yeah. Yeah.”

You couldn’t help but laugh at his reaction. After that day you knew the emotional connection you had with The Dragon would be different. For better in a way you could rely on him for a long long time.

A month had now come and gone. Things were still no different within the first month, Serim and Heeseung still did their things around the house, The Dragon still visited on days they were away. You could feel yourself becoming comfortable with a life like this, even after you would give birth to your child.

But all of that would come crashing down very soon.

That early afternoon, like any other day Serim and Heeseung went out to town. Who better to get a visit from while they’re away? None other than The Dragon. 

That afternoon you decided to make something he had never eaten before. You later found out there was a wide variety of things he had never eaten before in his life. In the end you chose cookies, something simple and didn’t need too much time to work on.

After spending a long hour cooking and prepping the cookie dough you were ready to bake them. But before you could even put the cut out shapes in the oven, The Dragon spoke out.

“He’s coming.”

Your fingers went numb at his words. Pan clattering to the floor as you realized who he was. “You’re not serious are you!?” You slowly began to panic. How did he find you so soon? There wasn’t enough time to pack and relocate, not to mention Serim and Heeseung were still out.

“I can sense his mana. He’s around 10 miles out. God, he’s releasing his mana like a wild animal.” The Dragon couldn’t help but cover up his nose—depsite there being no specific scent.

“What about Serim and Heeseung where are they?” You tugged onto his arm, panic soon finding you.

“They’re still in the town. But Jay will most likely run into them first by the time they’re finished. Unless they spot him as they’re leaving.”

You began to pace in circles, unsure of what to do. You had to wait for Serim and Heeseung, you couldn’t just leave them alone in a situation like this. Fleeing on your own was simply out of the question.

“Everything will be fine. Don’t worry.”

“How can you say that! He’s using me for some ulterior motive. I can’t let him take me back.” 

The Dragon studied you, trying his best to console the anxiety rising in you. “Do you trust me?”

His golden eyes stared into yours. Of course you trusted him, but you were more afraid of Jay than trusting his words. But there was nothing else you could do, so trusting him would be the only option for you. Thinking it over you nodded your head.

“When those two come back, just follow their lead. It’s too late for you to pack things and leave. He’ll find you as you're fleeing, so they’re going to think of something else instead.”

“But!”

“Everyhting will be fine. I promise you that.”

You didn’t want to agree with his plans but still ended up doing so. An hour had soon gone by and The Dragon soon dismissed himself, telling you that Serim and Heeseung were quickly making their way to the cabin.

Right on queue the two of them burst into the cabin, foreheads drenched in sweat as they frantically ran to you.

“My Lady, you need to hide!” Serim panicked as she held your hands tightly.

“We saw Jay and his expedition in the town, they finally made their way here. And I’m sure they’re gonna find information about this cabin.”

You tried your best to stay calm for the both of them but you grew more frightened as they went on.

“There’s no time to leave, so we must hide you.” 

“There’s a wardrobe closest in the upstairs room! We can hide her behind the clothes!” Serim was quick on her as always. Soon she quickly led you up the stairs.

Opening up the wardrobe doors she helped you get settled in, making sure you were comfortable and settled into the wooden closet.

“My Lady. No matter what happens, stay here.” Her voice was laced with uncertainty, unsure of what would truly befall her and Heeseung. You watched as Serim closed the doors, submerging you into darkness.

The wardrobe was somewhat cramped, but you mustered through it for the sack of Jay not finding you. Hugging your knees tightly you prayed he wouldn’t even find this place to begin with. You prayed no one would sell out information on Serim or Heeseung. You just wished things would be alright in the end.

There was only a mere fifteen minutes of silence until the sound of things shattering were heard downstairs. It was all muffled in the wardrobe, but you knew the gods didn’t answer your prayers this time.

The drowned out sounds of yelling and pleading sent chills down your spine, frightened of what was happening to  them downstairs. You could only hug yourself tighter as you remembered Serim’s words.

Then there was silence again. Your racing heart began to slow down. You let out a breath of relief thinking it was over, now waiting for Serim to come find you.

But the recognizable sound of shifting armor freezes you. Jay had found you. There was no running, no escaping, no one else to help. This was it, and you would now have to accept that.

The armored footsteps closed in on you until they stopped. He was just right outside the wardrobe’s doors. Hands over your mouth as you tried to hide any noise that could seep out to the outside.

But to your dismay, the doors swung right open. 

The light of the room blinding you from the initial darkness. You continued to hug yourself—too sacred to even spare a look towards Jay.

Yet as you sat in that wardrobe body trembling with unease. Jay looked at you shocked, fear forming into his eyes as he watched your body—huddled up into a defensive ball—in front of him.

He had finally found you, however, you were trembling before him. Scared to face the man you once showed unlimited affection too. 

“Y/N…”

The sound of his voice ringing through the room only caused more distress for you. Not wanting to show yourself to him even if he called out for you. 

Jay was utterly heartbroken. Where did everything go wrong? 

Unable to handle anymore of what he was seeing he pulled you out from the wardrobe. Everything flashed before you in a blur. One moment you were tucked away in the wardrobe and then the next you were in Jay’s arms.

Realizing this you began to hit and slap at his chest, wishing to be as far away from him as possible.

“I’m sorry!” Jay shouted as he held you tighter. 

Your hands stopped in place, hearing the way his voice cracked as he called out to you. “Let go of me!” You began to fight out of his grasp.

“Please Y/N. It’s not what you think it is. Please just let me explain myself!” 

There was desperation in his voice—earnestly wanting you to give me just a moment. You calmed down as you thought it over to yourself. Then you remembered The Dragon’s words, he said everything would be fine. Was this what he was referring to?

You stopped your attacks on him, hands resting on his chest as you waited for him. Noticing the way you stopped, Jay loosened his hold on you. Letting you go he guided you to the bed—instructing you to sit down.

Following his lead you sat down—eyes never daring to look at his. Kneeling in front of you, Jay wanted to settle his hand on yours, comfort you in any way he could. But as he saw your reluctance to meet his gaze, he knew there was no point. “I’m not using you like you think I am…”

You still ignored him, not wishing to give him the satisfaction of a response to his words.

“The Emperor, my brother. He. He’s not as good as you think he is. He threatened something important to me. I want to tell you what that is, I won’t hide that from you. But I need you to understand why I did it…”

His frown only grew more at your silence. Taking a deep breath before telling you everything. What he shared with you was the same thing The Dragon did. How his birth into the world was nothing but an act of a hideous monster. But what really shocked you was something you didn’t expect. “My mother. She’s alive Y/N. My brother says she’s in a state of limbo, teetering between life and death. What was I supposed to do? I had never met the woman who nurtured me with as much love as she did.” His voice began to crack as he continued on. “I tried. I tried so hard to stall everything, not wanting to bring that fate onto you. You didn’t deserve it, not when you are so full of love and pureness. I couldn’t allow myself to taint you.”

Jay stopped his words, gathering himself to finish off. “Then he found out. He found out we faked our marriage night. You were nowhere near pregnant. He knew about it, and once again threatened her. Out of anything in this world, using our child for his gain was all he wanted. And I hated myself that night for choosing my mother over you. I wanted to choose you no matter what, but... I’m sorry Y/N.”

Now Jay was crying, tears leaving his eyes as he poured his heart out to you. You couldn’t believe your ears. All this time he never wanted to follow along to what he was told to do. He tried his best to keep you safe from The Emperor, all while the life of his mother was on the line. 

Your shaky hands reached out to cup his face, urging his teary eyes to look at you. 

The sight of those silver eyes pooled with tears tugged at your heart. This whole time he had been suffering all alone. In hopes to protect the people he cared for as best as he could.

“Oh Jay.” Your thumb wiped a tear away at the corner of his eye—soothing his emotional state as best as you could.

“Oh Jay.”

Was all you could say as you continued to rub at his cheeks. After a minute or so he calmed down.

“I’m sorry.” Was all he could say on repeat. Muttering apologies as it still ate away at him.

“It’s okay. I’ve forgiven you Jay. I just. I was scared and didn’t know what to do so I ran. I’m the one who should apologize. Not you. I’m sorry.” 

His eyes bore into yours, hand reaching up to your cheek to rub gentle circles before leaning in. His lips met onto yours, it was soft and gentle, no lustful desire behind it. Just a man who missed the woman he loves.

Separating from the kiss he placed pecks along your cheeks and lips, showcasing how much he had missed you within the past month. Then as you studied Jay’s face that’s when you noticed his dark circles. 

“Jay! When was the last time you slept?”

He shied away from the question—brows lowering like a scolded puppy. All you did was pout at him, urging him to tell you the truth. “Last time I slept was when we shared a bed for the last time…”

Processing his words, did you realize that was almost a month ago. Standing up quickly you pulled Jay from up from the ground. “You need to sleep!” You ordered as you tried to push him onto the bed.

But his suit of armor stopped him in place—the piece weighing far too much for you. “Let me fix everything downstairs. You just wait here.” 

Tilting your head at his words you recalled Serim and Heeseung still being within the house. Allowing him to walk downstairs you heard some commotion before he was soon back in front of you.

“Is everything alright?”

“Yes. Your maid, Serim and Heeseung are okay. I sent the troop of knights with me outside. I wish to sleep now.” Jay began to strip his armor off as he made his way back to you and the bed. 

Now clad in the normal clothes he wore under his armor. His hand immediately found your waist—satisfaction etching into his lips at how everything felt right again—before pulling you onto the bed with him.

It wasn’t as big as the bed in the Velpark castle, but Jay didn’t mind. As long as he was here with you in his arms any size of bed would do just fine. Once he had you in his arms, he was out like a light. Head resting against your chest as he draped his arms tightly over your waist. 

You weren’t tired as of yet due to the time of day, but knew you’d be off to sleep in no time. Laying there you stroked his hair while humming a lullaby your mother had taught you as a child. Even though the song was for Jay you ended up drifting off to sleep as well.

In the middle of the late night Jay woke up—eyes peering up at you—slipping out from your grasp he sat on the edge of the bed, watching intently as you slept. As you rolled over he noticed red marks on your neck. 

Pulling the collar back he recognized the marks right away, they were the things he last left on your body. Recalling your healing capabilities there was only one cause for this. The child growing inside of you.

His hand lowered down to your stomach—as it transformed into something monstrous, the enlarged hand turned his skin night blue, aligned with scales and sharp claws. Part of him hated the being inside of you for draining away your life force, but as he felt the gentle hum of the baby's mana, he no longer hated it.

“Take this instead of hurting your mother. She’s precious to me as well, so behave.” The hand that rested on your stomach glowed a light blue hue, wisps of mana entering into you—easing the growing child.

As his hand returned to normal, Jay tucked a stray hair away from your face. Capturing the beauty of your face so diligently. 

“My love, I must take care of something very important. I wish I could stay to tell you when you awaken. But this is of the utmost importance for a better future. Forgive me for leaving you like this.” He cooed whilst leaving a kiss on your forehead.

Placing his armor back on, Jay made his way out the room and outside. Finding Jungwon’s tent he woke up his best friend. Still as sleep eyed as usual Jungwon was awake and ready to listen to Jay.

“I’m going to take a small group of soldiers and end all of this once and for all.”

“Your Grace. You don’t mean.”

“Yes. It’s about time I allow myself the ability of freedom without the cost of anyone’s life. You stay here with the rest of the nights and look after her. I’m entrusting everything to you Jungwon.”

Jungwon nodded his head as he bowed to him. What he set out to do was something that would have him gone for months, so long that by the time he arrived back you would most likely be giving birth. “I will protect her with my life.”

“Thank you.”

With that Jay had departed ways from the cabin. Off on a quest with no set notion of when he would be back. 

That morning you woke up to an empty bed, confused about where Jay was, you went downstairs to look for him. But to your dismay he wasn’t there, only Jungwon. You asked him immediately where Jay was.

Jungwon was honest with you. He told you about the quest he needed to fulfill, not just for himself but you as well. Curious on what he was speaking of, he told you everything.

You thought of many possibilities, but the one you heard had you conflicted. Jay went to kill The Emperor, his own brother.

Even if the idea of it all startled you, you understood why he did it. If there was going to be a world where you could create a happy family with Jay and live with him for the rest of your life, this was the only way.

That night, just like you did all those years ago when Jay was sent off to war. You prayed for him. Prayed for his safety to return home safe to you this time around.

Soon the second month passed. You hoped for Jay to come back within the next month, but he still didn’t arrive. Then as the third month rolled around, so did the fourth. You were now showing—your stomach slightly round as the child grew.

The Saintess’ season came to an end. The colorful green leaves turned into an orange hue, indicating its morphing into the cold winter again. Only a week later would Seathal have its first snow fall since The Saintess season.

At the same time The Dragon stopped showing up, you knew it was due to Jungwon and the castle’s fellow knights being around all the time. Despite that, you still ended up missing him. You had long finished the flower crown you started three months ago, preserving it as best as you could to give to him.

Then as the fifth month came by, you began to discuss baby names. Huddled up by the fireplace, Serim loved doing this with you in her free time, so did Jungwon and Heeseung—enjoying coming up with random names that would suit a child resembling you and Jay. There were plenty of girl and boys names you both liked, but none of them called out to you.

Yunjin came to live with you all in the seventh month, seeing that you were nearing the months of giving birth. She was happy to see you healthy and well. She was also surprised to see how big your stomach had gotten—since the last time she saw you was half a year ago. 

Not long after Yunjin was now joining in on helping with baby names. She was really versatile in the names she knew. Some being originated from different countries, or even created on her own. Her input of names helped broaden the variety greatly. 

It was now eight months since you ran away from the Velpark castle, and seven months since Jay left. You could feel the baby kick about, part of you was curious on how normal the pregnancy felt—well whatever was deemed normal for pregnancies. There was no child of yours murdering you yet, or maybe it didn’t happen yet cause the child wasn’t ready.

As you sat outside thinking to yourself about these things while watching the snow fall you could see a blurred figure in the distance. Your heart raced as you hoped for who you wished it to be. And as the figure came closer into the clearing, your legs had a mind of its own. 

Standing up you began to walk towards the figure, the piles of snow slowing you down, but that didn’t matter to you. He was home now, you were sure of it. 

As the mysterious figure closed in, they jumped off the horse. Rushing your way in a desperate sprint to reach you. Through the white smudges of snow you saw him, Jay. Your pace quickened, already yearning to have him hold you within his arms.

The snow was far too packed high as you ran through you almost tripped, but was caught by the person you missed most during the long hard months.

“Jay!”

He hugged you tightly, head lowered to the top of your head as he took in all of you. Missing your warmth, the way you smelled, your voice. Everything that was you he missed so much. Now here he was finally back with you, where everything always felt right.

Your hands gripped onto the edge collar of his armor, tugging it down as you crashed your lips onto his. For all the months you waited and waited you began to worry, fearing he didn’t win his internal war. But here he was, his lips on yours showing he was alive and well.

Parting ways your foreheads met in unison, taking in each other's presence. “I missed you so much.” Jay whispered as he left a peck on your lips.

Soon there were voices calling for you, the two of you turned your heads to see all the commotion. There in the entrance way of the cabin stood Jungwon, Serim, Heeseung, and Yunjin. All welcoming Jay home whilst also wanting you both to come inside.

There was lots of catching up to do. You wanted to hear everything that happened, especially wishing to know more about his mother. But before anyone could ask questions, something had dripped between your legs. 

Wondering what it was you looked down to see a puddle of water at the base of your feet. You stared at Serim then everyone else. In a surge of panic the cabin turned into chaos as everyone ushered you upstairs. Yunjin had informed you your water broke, meaning the baby was on the way.

Your body tensed at her words, growing afraid of what Jay and even The Dragon had discussed with you. As you were escorted to the bed, Yunjin demanded only Serim and Jay stayed up here. Serim helped settle you down, making sure to angle pillows for your comfort as you laid down. 

Jay was right next to you as he held your hand tightly, his mind thinking the same as you. Wondering if this would be the end of a family he wished to have or the start of an endless love he was allowed to keep. 

Hours went by as you sat on the bed, contractions hurting like no tomorrow. The pain was unbearable, back throbbing harshly as every contraction rippled through you. Unable to take the pain anymore you passed out. 

As you opened your eyes you were greeted not with the ceiling of the room in the house, but of a clear blue sky with the accompaniment of white clouds. Sitting up you looked round at your surroundings, a grassy green hill that swayed along with the brush of the wind’s breeze.

Realizing you were underneath some sort of shade, you looked behind to see a large elm tree, its beautiful yellow leaves swaying in the wind.

“You’re awake.”

Your head turned to the unfamiliar voice. Standing—more so flaoting—before you was a beautiful lady. She wore white dress that flowed on its own—as if the wind didn't need to pick up the delicate fabric. Her hair was a bright golden color, resembling the leaves hanging from the tree, and her eyes were as blue as the sky above.

“Who are you?”

The woman giggled. Amused by your lack of knowledge. “You know who I am silly. I’m a part of you.”

Then it dawned on you. “The Saintess?”

“Correct!” 

You watched as she floated about the ground, happy that you were able to recognize her off of her singular hint. 

“Why am I here?” 

Propping a finger to her chin she thought of how to explain the situation. “Well you’re currently giving birth. And that child inside of you was seeming a bit feisty. But I can’t have my precious daughter go through such pain, so I’m here to give you a piece of my holy power.”

You stared at her in confusion, trying to piece the words she said together. “You’re saying your holy power can save me?”

“Yes. More so, it’ll numb the little one's dragon mana, making it so you're birthing a normal baby.”

“But why me?!” So many questions rang in your head as things went on.

“Well, you helped out an important friend of mine. Besides I was always going to come get you my child. You are my favorite one out of that big family line of yours.” The Saintess made her way over to you, closing in the gap that separated you both.

“Now I’d love to chat more, but you have people waiting for you. And time doesn't really flow the same here versus out there.” She held both of your cheeks in her delicate palms before lowering your head down a bit.

“Say hi to him for me.”

With her final words, she kissed your forehead. Then in a flash of light—closing your eyes—you could hear the faint crying. It was the sound of a baby, that’s what it was right? Straining to open your eyes, you were met with the cutest face you had ever seen. 

Cheeks so chubby you could pinch them all day. The top of the baby’s head had a light dusting of hair that resembled yours. “Is this?”

Jay right at your side answered you. “Yes it is. This is our new baby girl.”

“She’s beautiful.” Your eyes watered at the sight of her. Round little face with rosy cheeks. This was your child, this was your little girl.

“Did you figure out a name for her while I was away?” Jay questioned as his finger reached out to rub your daughter’s tiny cheek.

“I had one in mind.”

The rest of the day was spent with you resting in bed, as well as many congratulations and wishes to see the new born child. Almost everyone in the house catered to your every need, making sure you were comfortable, well fed, Serim even took on watching the baby as you rested. Their generosity warmed your heart plenty.

As soon as night rolled around you felt perfectly fine, realizing that The Saintess didn’t lie about giving you a piece of her powers. While you were pregnant you felt as if you were growing weaker by the second, but now you were feeling as energized as ever. 

Jay was tuckered out in the chair posted by the bed, worn out from helping everyone out and attending to your daughter. Crawling out of the bed you made your way down the stairs. You noticed everyone else sleeping in the seating area, all arranged in the most uncomfortable positions. One person was missing, which was Serim who you assumed was in the first floor room with your baby.

Laughing to yourself you picked up a discarded blanket and made your way to the door. Spotting the flower crown you made settled on the wall you took it with you. Opening up the door you walked out into the chilled winter night—making sure to close it behind you. Making your way to where the forest started you held the crown tight in your cold hands.

“I know you’re out there.” You spoke softly as you stared into the woods. Between the trees you saw two glimmering golden eyes. You smiled to yourself as you knew who it belonged too.

“Thank you. I won’t ever forget your kindness towards me. I made this for you a while back, but never got the chance to give it to you.” Showing off the flower crown you settled it down onto the snowy floor. “Also she says hi.”

Was the last thing you said as the door of the cabin opened. “Y/N, what are you doing out here?” Jay questioned tiredness laced in his voice. Rubbing the sleep away as he went up to you, hands placed at the side of your arms—rubbing up and down hoping to warm you up. 

Your head turned to him slightly watching him walk over to you. Turning your head back to the woods you noticed the flower crown was gone from where you left it. You smiled to yourself as you thanked The Dragon one more time in your head. “Stretching my legs.” You turned your body to look at him, admiring the sleepy look he had on—truly unfit for a dragonborn like him. “Lets head back inside.”

“Wait.” Jay halted you as he began to wake up. “I need to give you something.”

You watched as Jay fished through his pants, earnestly trying to find something. Jay’s brows quirked as he got ahold of what he was looking for. Pulling his hand from his pocket he gestured the closed fist to you. “I forgot to give you this when I left.” 

Opening his hand, there in the center of his palm was your wedding ring. After all this time you had forgotten that you left it behind. There were times when you noticed how empty your ring finger felt, but chose to ignore it. Not wanting to be reminded of him. But as Jay stood there with your wedding ring in his you felt your heart swell with so many emotions. 

“I know our meeting wasn’t natural and was arranged for a different motive. But Y/N, you’ve taught me that I, a dragonborn, am able to learn what love is in this world. My whole life I viewed myself as a monster. But you? You make me feel human.”

“Jay…” 

You knew there were some shared emotions between you and him. But they were never discussed, especially with the fact of you both already being married. Standing here hearing him profess the feeling you made him feel, felt as if you were falling in love with him all over again.

“I love you Y/N, and I promise to take care of you and our daughter for the rest of my life.”

“I love you too Jay. It was always you, since the first day I learned of my families’ shared past. There was something that drew me to you. And I’m happy that I get to be with you as well for the rest of my life.”

Without another second to waste, Jay slid the ring back onto its rightful home. Finger finding its way under your chin—he raised your head—giving you a gentle kiss. He couldn’t but smile into the kiss, feeling happy about the future for once in his life.

Parting lips you both couldn’t help but giggle to one another as you made your way back inside of the cabin.

EPILOGUE:

It had been three years since everything. Soon after you gave birth to your daughter did you move back to the Velpark castle. Despite being gone for so long nothing really changed in particular. Nothing except for Jay’s position in High Society.

He was still deemed a Duke and owned the Seathal territory—which is ideally his birthright. But instead Jay was no longer The Emperor’s dog. Before killing his brother, Jay had found out many years ago—during the time of the war—The Emperor had a secret brother. 

The brother in question was related to The Emperor by blood, but was only his half brother. Jay kept this as a secret for many years to use against The Emperor, which thankfully ended up working. After performing a coup d'etat in those seven months he was away, The Emperor’s half brother was reinstated as the new ruler of Decelis Kingdom. You found out later on that the new Emperor was named Sunghoon. 

Sunghoon was grateful in the aid for his spot back on the throne and promised Jay a long life of luxury within Seathal and with his family. And the biggest thing that came out of it was something just as important to Jay than you and your daughter.

“Mama, mama! Are we going to see grandma now?” Your three year old daughter tugged at your dress, while she watched you get ready.

Gently laughing at her antics you proceeded to pick her up—settling her on your lap. “Yes my sweetheart we are. Are you all ready?” 

“Yes I am!” She beamed as she faced you.

Her hair was styled in two little ponytails paired with two pink bows in her hair. She was dressed in the same pattern as you. Her dress of course, having more frills for a cute princess look. The maid tending to you, finished your hair and makeup motioning to you that she finished.

“Now. Let’s go find papa!” Sitting up from the cushioned seat you still held on tight to your daughter as you made your way out of the bedroom, heading down the hall to Jay’s office. 

After returning back to the castle you were able to use your gifted holy powers to help save Jay’s mother. Seeing him hug the woman he never had a moment to grow with shattered but also mended your heart in a way you never knew was possible. It felt right seeing Jay feel human for once in his twenty three years of living.

Once he reestablished her from the palace, he gave his mother her own section of the castle where she would live out her life. It was nice having his mother around, she loved your daughter and she especially adored you.

With the addition of new people you also lost some of your close friends. Nothing bad happened to them per se, they just moved on and started a family. The friends in question were Serim and Heeseung. Not long after coming back to the castle Heeseung proposed to Serim.

Now that the two of them were married they were given the chance to leave the castle. Of course this saddened you, you would be separated from your best friend. But it wouldn’t all be for naught, since later that year the two of them would have their first kid. With that they would visit very often for playdates between your daughter and their child.

Finally making your way to the office you could hear faint chatter inside. Heading inside you saw Jay sitting at his desk doing some work, while his mother chatted along with Jungwon. 

“Grandma!” Hearing your daughter’s excitement you quickly set her down, allowing her to run straight to her. 

You smiled at the shared giggled between Jay’s mother, Jungwon and your daughter. You stood there watching them play around so happily and freely. Smitten with the scene before you, you didn’t hear Jay walk up behind you. 

The feeling of his hand settling on the back of your neck startled you slightly. Jay couldn’t help but laugh recalling a memory at the beginning of your marriage. Proceeding on from your neck his fingers began to play with your hair—twilring the strands between his fingers.

“I’ve been thinking. It’s been three years since the little one. Thoughts on having another mini us run around?”

“Hmm. Let me ponder on it and I’ll let you know.”

Jay chuckled at your response, knowing deep down for the both of you there would be a possibility of a second child very soon.

perm taglist ( open! refer to this post ) . . . @ikeulove @leehsngs @ijustwannareadstuff20 @enhanextdoor @zaycie @dylanobr1ens @miraeluv @ancnymcnzjy @lvvrikss @treasureteez @delirioastral @izzyy-stuff @sunghoon-cam @gabrielinhaa

@heejamas @rosepetals09 @hoonkishoe @fancypeacepersona @cutehoons02 @parkjongmeowz @seungsoftly @dearestdreamies @strawjayrries @sassyfunheart45 @ikeuwoniee @k1ttywon @immelissaaa @kirakun @wondash @loverbyfate @ilovhoonie @seokjinthescientist @princesstiti14 @xylatox @heelovesmeknot @heespretty @e-r-i-15 @s1rawb3rry @heesmiles @diameuwu

©myjjongie 2025

[littlefluu]

I couldn't stop. Like for real. I couldn't. I read all of this knowing fully that I woud probably need like an hour and a half and would have to work longer cause I clocked out to read this. It was so worth it. Omg. I have yet to read the Manhwa, but I will. If it's just half as good as this fic? I'll probably read it in one go. I am just such a sucker for historical fiction. Ugh. The way this was written just scratched an itch I didn't know needed to be scratched. I did feel the desire to hit Jay's brother in the face, tho. Bitch. I kinda did get the feeling that we might get another part with Heeseung and Serim 👉👈 (Pls dear author!!! Even if it takes half a year, their story would be so interesting to read 🥹) All in all 10/10 can recommend!! Lots of Love, Patty

[myjjongie]

GAH STOP IT (locking in on reading after clocking out is SO REAL tho)

honestly the manhwa has a LOT of the same themes. but in turn is somewhat more angsty since the FL in the manhwa is a princess of a defeated country (very different from how i depict reader). but despite that i recommend giving it a read cause the plot and angst between the two is SO GOOD (imo)

maybe i could write for heeseung and serim. but not sure. just know if the day comes. it comes 🙏🏻

thank you sm though for loving this fic. your words mean a lot to me. thank you frfr 🫶🏻

[littlefluu]

Lmao I clocked out at like what 14 o'clock? So I had to clock in again to resume working afterwards lmao! It was worth it tho!

okokokokokok will look into that when i finish writing my hoon fic and the book i am reading (have you read caraval? I am currently reading and i am appreachating the art very much! I tend to not read fantasy in summer, now look at me tow fantasy works in like what, a week?)

If the day comes! Please do add me to the taglist hihi

always 😽🫶🏻 Lots of Love, Patty

[cursedhvn]

ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ᴀʟᴏɴᴇ ✦ ʟᴇᴇ ʜᴇᴇꜱᴇᴜɴɢ

档案 ─── you knew now that you couldn't do this alone, not with the devil that whispered in your ear. but perhaps it was too late now.

lhs × fem!reader ∿ 1.7k ⬩ angst ⬩ vague depictions of addiction, main character death ⬩ inspired by 1AM Freestyle | Joji

ʏᴏᴜ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴀɴ ᴍᴀᴋᴇ ɪᴛ, ʙᴜᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴀɴ'ᴛ ᴍᴀᴋᴇ ɪᴛ ᴀʟᴏɴᴇ.

“I just don’t get why you can’t let me in!” Heeseung’s voice cracks, desperation leaking out of his words. His eyes are wide, pleading, filled with tears that spill over his cheeks, only breaking your heart further. “Let me see, baby. Let me help you,” he begs, his hands gripping your arms. His touch burns now—no longer the summery warmth you once craved. “I know you can make it, but you can’t make it alone.”

“I’m sorry,” you whisper, but the words feel foreign. Wrong. A whisper from your past, a version of yourself that you know no longer exists. The tears streaming down your face don’t feel like they’re yours. You don't feel real anymore.

It’s been like this for months. You and Heeseung—no, you have been fighting yourself for months. He’s been trying to see you, to understand you, but all you’ve done is lock him out. You’ve been too afraid to let him in. You didn’t want him to see. To stay behind to help someone you no longer recognize.

“I don’t want you to wait for someone already dead and gone,” you mutter, the words bitter on your tongue. “You don’t deserve that.”

Heeseung sighs, his grip loosening. Despite his burning touch gone, he faces you, eyes still full of love, the very thing you’ve been terrified of. “I love you,” he confesses, his voice raw. “I would stay till you’re resurrected and learn to find yourself again.”

He turns. Not in anger, never in anger. Just… tired. “I just wish you had the will to help yourself.”

He walks away in the rain. You can’t hear drops, only the heaviness of his footsteps that fade with each step he takes.

The earthy scent that once comforted you now haunts you. It’s colder now—sharper, crueler. There’s no goodbye kiss. Not this time. Only his sad eyes, watching you from a distance, begging you to stay safe—safe from yourself.

ɪ'ᴠᴇ ʙᴇᴇɴ ᴡʀɪᴛɪɴɢ ʟᴇᴛᴛᴇʀꜱ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴀʟʟ. ɪ ʜᴏᴘᴇ ᴏɴᴇ ᴅᴀʏ ʏᴏᴜ'ʟʟ ꜱᴇᴇ ᴛʜᴇᴍ ᴀʟʟ.

You begin isolating yourself. Outside feels like a place you’re no longer meant to be a part of. And your apartment? It reeks of distant memories of a ghost—someone who no longer found a home there.

It was autumn when he left. Or was it spring? You weren’t sure anymore.

You see him in everything. In the teacup with the chip on its rim—the one he always drank out of when he stayed over, the one you couldn’t stomach to throw away because he adored its imperfection. He used to say it had a “personality,” that it was okay to be broken. Maybe you should’ve paid more attention to his words back then. 

You see him in the elephant plush he won for you at the arcade, still nestled between your bed with one of its feet badly sewn back together. You remember when it tore off. It wasn’t supposed to happen. Just a tiny accident, between nights of laughter. He got caught between the crossfire, his stuffing spilling across the bed along with your tears. 

You can’t forget the way Heeseung sat there for hours, learning to sew on the spot, just to patch him back up for you. He pricked his fingers countless times, laughing at how clumsy he was. 

And in the end, he smiled at you—the same smile always reserved just for you. “See, Mr. Peanut is okay! His leg may be a bit wonky now, but he’s happy!” 

You never had the heart to get rid of him—not when Heeseung did all that just to make your smile again. Not when Mr. Peanut is the only thing left in your apartment that smells like him. The only thing that still feels real. 

And you could never forget the way he stayed with you, even when the burn was the only thing that made you feel good. He never judged you, all Heeseung wanted was to help you—support you, be the backbone you needed when the noise and burn was all too much. But it was never enough, wasn’t it?

You’ve started writing to cope. 

It was hard at first, trying to voice how you feel. To find the words that describe the noise in your head, to manage without the scorching burn to comfort you. But eventually, things got easier. Eventually, letters bear fruit. First, to yourself, then to Heeseung—apologising for the things you couldn’t say, for being so unforgiving of yourself, the mistakes you made. 

You feared being human. And maybe that was your biggest mistake of all.

Soon, the letters started spilling out onto the walls. As crazy as it sounds, you prayed the walls could talk. Prayed they could speak to Heeseung, hoping that one day he could see them, feel them, understand the words you have been afraid of saying. Understand that you finally realize that this is what it means to be human, even if it causes you so much pain.

ɪ'ᴠᴇ ʙᴇᴇɴ ᴘʟᴀʏɪɴɢ ᴍᴇᴍᴏʀɪᴇꜱ ɪɴ ᴍʏ ᴍɪɴᴅ, ᴡɪꜱʜɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴇʀᴇ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴀʟʟ ᴛʜᴇ ᴛɪᴍᴇ.

It doesn’t take long before sleep becomes the only thing that calls you—the only escape. You don’t know how long it had been, but the will to call him—to hear his voice, even if it was just for a minute—is long gone.

Not when you see him enjoying his life to the fullest, surrounded by people who aren't you. That’s why you settle for the dreams—reliving the memories, because it was selfish to wish for a man who looked alive without you, only wishing you could go back to the way things were then.

But soon, those happy memories morph and twist into nightmares you can’t seem to escape. Now, you only relive that night, over and over again—to the point where it becomes oddly comforting. It's different seeing Heeseung in a dream-like state, opposed to real life, where he's no longer with you. At least in your dreams, you can still feel the burning warmth he has; behind a screen, he’s unable to offer you that.

It always leaves you trembling and drenched in sweat when you wake up. Only Mr. Peanut fills the space he once was, but it isn’t enough. His lopsided smile only offers you meagre comfort before you crave more. 

You promised yourself you wouldn’t slip between those cracks again, that you wouldn’t fall. Yet here you are, caught in the same cycle, fighting the same battle. Staying sober feels impossible when your worst enemy is the voice inside your head.

The burn that you once felt against your skin now slides down your throat smoothly, with grace. It doesn’t provide comfort, just a way to ease things. You promised yourself to change—for yourself and him—but it isn’t easy when the world around you is always gray.

ᴀɴᴅ ɪ'ᴍ ᴛɪʀᴇᴅ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜɪꜱ ᴍᴀᴅɴᴇꜱꜱ, ᴛɪʀᴇᴅ ᴏꜰ ʙᴇɪɴɢ ꜱᴛʀᴀɴᴅᴇᴅ. ɪ ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ᴡᴀɴɴᴀ ʙᴇ ᴀʟᴏɴᴇ.

With each burn, a part of his face fades into fog—until you’re left wondering if he was ever really there at all.

The only thing you’re left with is a name for a ghost you’re chasing after. Lee Heeseung. A name that slowly starts to lose its shape, the echo of a song you once knew. Now, it’s something you can barely recall.

You begin painting. The brushstrokes are erratic—desperate to recreate the summery warmth that no longer exists, one replaced by a burn that’s sharp and unforgiving. You want to remember how his body felt against your skin—the smile that coated his features, the way his voice settled in between your cracks and made you whole.

But the paint never feels right. Unable to capture his warmth—the very essence of his being. No medium is able to capture him correctly, instead creating something that he will never be. It’s all muddled, a version of him that was never real. 

Correction only makes it worse. Strokes are now harsher, angrier— tearing through the canvas, leaving behind jagged lines and splashes of colour that only seem louder than before.

It isn’t the canvas that’s left broken and torn—it’s you. Sobbing, barely sober, curled against the floor, forgetting why you were even painting to begin with. This wasn’t going to bring him back. In fact, it only makes you forget him more. 

A harsh reality awakens in you—a reality that the burn you sorted after wasn’t helping you cope at all—never healing you.

All it did was erase parts of you both. Pieces you’ll never get back.

ʏᴏᴜ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴀɴ ᴍᴀᴋᴇ ɪᴛ, ʙᴜᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴀɴ'ᴛ ᴍᴀᴋᴇ ɪᴛ ᴀʟᴏɴᴇ.

It takes a long time, but you’re trying. 

Recovery isn’t linear, and it isn’t easy—it wasn’t meant to be. Today feels like the day he left. It’s raining. Again. It’s cruel, almost as if it’s mocking you. But then you hear the knock on your door that causes a lump to form in your throat. 

You run to the door, eager to believe it's him. It has to be, right? But doubt makes you freeze. What if it were someone else? Another senseless dream?

With shaky hands, you open the door, and you see the figure under the streetlight, soaked from the rain. The figure feels blurry, but it has to be him. You choke back a sob as you rush into his arms, desperate to feel that familiar warmth you crave. 

Heeseung. It’s him.

You whisper his name, looking up at him, but his face is still blurred, there's nothing to make sense of. And that scares you.

Suddenly, his warmth fades, and something colder settles in his place. The taste of something metallic coats your tongue, and your body falters.

That’s when you realize you were never embracing him at all.

You stumble, hitting the floor. A sharp breath escapes you, and with it all the pain you’ve been holding, rushes in. You don’t have the strength to move or to make sense of anything. All you see are bright lights, the world blurring as Heeseung and the rain slip away. 

You know now—you can make it, but not alone. Not like this.

But now, you aren’t sure if you’re alive—or if you’ve become that ghost with a forgetful face.

꒰✩꒱ my first drabble and enha piece (❁´◡`❁) i hope you guys enjoyed <3

ᴛᴀɢʟɪꜱᴛ ♡ @kristynaaah, @izzyy-stuff, @s1rawb3rry.

[littlefluu]

I read this story in the bus home cause i was allowed to read a bit of the beginning yesterday and it sounded so intriguing. My brain wrote a whole story around this and in my head, Y/N had an accident and is disabled and not really able to cope with losing her old life, feeling guilty that Hee now has to live with her like that. She feels like aburden so she isolated herself. All in all a very devastating read and i was feeling so so so bad fo her :(

[myjjongie]

THE DRAGON AND THE LADY ── PARK JONGSEONG

SYNOPSIS ⸝⸝⸝ from the day you were able to understand the things around you, you were relentlessly told about the long lineage of your family's history. being blood tied to a saintess—hand picked by the gods. you learned everything there was to learn. from the great start of the saintess and the dragon's alliance, to their inevitable downfall. you learned all of it. soon earning your parents strict instructions to never socialize with the dragon of your generation. yet now here you were standing at an altar, face to face with him—jay. all for the emperor's will of wishing you to bear jay's child.

WORD COUNT ∿ 42k

PAIRING ∿ dragonborn!jay x noble lady!fem reader

GENRE/WARNINGS ∿ marriage of convenience, love at first sight, pregnancy trope, runaway trope, angst, violence, mentions of blood, slight slow burn (jay wants the damn cookie), sexual tension, smut MDNI; oral (f. receiving), masturbation (m & f), slight breeding kink, unprotected sex, slight overstimulation - if i forgot any sorry

EVIE'S NOTE ˚. ᵎᵎ one whole month later and we’re finally here !!! FIRST this was HEAVILY inspired by the manhwa "It Was Just a Contractual Marriage". SECOND, this is my first ever long fic and its insane to me that i was truly able to cook up over 40k+ words (i am so sorry OMG). it did take a bit for the release of "the dragon and the lady" but i really hope the wait was well worth it. i also want to thank @heejamas @yeonmuse and @hoonieyun for being my proofreaders in this long process of a fic (and @heesmiles for proofing my smut :3). their support means so much to me and truly kept me inspired the whole time. time to sleep like a (barely) normal person again :3. i really hope you all enjoy this fic (aka my newborn child). MWAH <3

Your whole life, you were taught the upbringing of your family’s history. You lived by it. Learned from it. The family history had all started from a woman. Yet she wasn’t just someone ordinary. She was deemed a saintess. The Saintess—handpicked by the gods. Chosen to help, aid, and lead. As she went on spreading her wisdom and solace to the people. The saintess soon met an unfamiliar being—a dragon. 

The mystical being was unlike anything she had seen before. Eyes colored like gold that quietly held the lowering sun in its eyes, scales that glistened like obsidian whether in the sun or moonlight. Then when the dragon morphed into a human, it was shown to have midnight hair that swept across the floor, with a build that of an adult man, all while still having those piercing golden eyes. The Saintess soon became intrigued by this being. Her only wish was to form a friendship—a connection. The Dragon happily accepted her offer, hoping to learn more about the humans that shared the world with him.

But soon The Saintess would be betrayed by The Dragon. It was said he hurt the people around The Saintess, going as far as burning down the things important to her. From then on The Dragon was sworn to never be forgiven so long as The Saintess willed it. As The Saintess’ kin expanded, so did The Dragon’s. As the children of The Saintess grew older and bore children of their own, the blessing bestowed by the gods withered away. With it, they were now regular humans that walked along the earth. 

While learning your family’s history, you were strictly told to never converse with the dragon, look at him, or ever be near him. You didn’t understand why your parents stressed on it. Maybe it was the fact you were the first girl born to the family in centuries. Even then it was a consistent reminder at every social gathering. Even so, you never once saw the infamous dragon.

That was until the year of your debutante. 

There he stood, in the middle of the ballroom—glued to the Emperor’s side. Plastered in iron armor from shoulder to toe, accompanied with a black cape which dragged across the floor. As you studied him you took note of the intricate sword securely sheathed at his side. Just like the story, the dragon had midnight hair. But his eyes were a different color—from a distance they looked to be silver, but you knew it held more than that. Even if you couldn’t talk about the dragon, you knew of him. 

Said to be both the Emperor’s war dog, as well as his adoptive brother. You heard many things that were whispered amongst the maids at home. 

“I heard he won a whole war without even needing an army to back him up!” One maid stated. 

“Well I heard he’s killed over thousands and thousands of men! On and off the battlefield!” Another maid chimed in.

You didn’t remember much of what the maids gossiped over or chatted about in truth. But every time you heard the fleeting giggles and whispers of his name, you were quick to eavesdrop. Not caring if what was said about him was negative or positive. You truly wanted to learn more about him. Part of you felt connected to him. Perhaps it was the way you grew up listening about the family history. Or maybe it was the insistent discipline from your father and mother to stay away from him. Despite all of that you grew curious of him.

Soon your ears perked at the mere exchange of his name echoing amongst the chatter. Head turning slightly to catch a peripheral view of him. Even underneath all the heavy armor you knew his build was strong, his height clearly showed for that, since he was many inches taller than the Emperor.

Your body gently jolted at the firm hand suddenly placed on your shoulder. “Y/N sweetheart I was calling out for you.” It was your father. “The Emperor wishes to congratulate you on your coming of age.” lips turning into a soft smile.

“Sorry Father. I was lost in thought for a mere moment.” Flashing an apologetic smile.

“It’s okay sweetheart, let’s not keep His Majesty waiting.”

Placing your hand on his forearm, you both made your way to the two special guests. You could feel your father tense up as you neared the Emperor and dragon. It was your first time being face to face with the man you were forbidden to see. Of course your overly protective father would be stressed in this scenario.

“If it isn’t the lady of the hour!” 

As you approached the Emperor, a smile spread across your lips. Your steps stopped, fingers grabbing the outer layer of your intricately designed dress, curtseying before greeting him. “Greetings to the empire’s sun.” As you rose back up, your fingers still held onto the silk fabric—waiting for the Emperor to dismiss you.

“I can’t believe you’re already seventeen Y/N. I remember you being only five years old, as if it was just yesterday! You have truly grown into a beautiful young lady!” As the Emperor spoke proudly your body eased—knowing you were able to speak rather comfortably with him.

“Your Majesty, thank you for the sweet words.” Your soft smile unwavering. “I’m very thankful for your help in setting up my debutante. I am truly lucky having His Majesty lend a helping hand.” 

As your father, The Emperor, and you conversed a little more, The Emperor’s words were cut short. “My. Where are my manners? I haven’t even introduced you to my dear brother.” His hand gestured the dragon forth.

Your head tilted up. Finally face to face with the man you heard so much about since the moment you first heard of his name. You were finally looking at Jay. It would have been a lie if you denied not knowing his name. Of course you knew it. Your parents may have forbid any mention in front of them and you, but that didn’t stop the hushed talks within the manor. From the first day you heard his name, you made sure to memorize it—him—like a memoir. 

“Y/N I would love for you to meet my brother Jay. I’m sure you’ve heard many things about him?”

A gentle laugh left your lips, readying yourself to lie in front of your father and Emperor. “No, not that I am aware of. My apologies for that.” Hand placed on your chest, you slightly bowed— feigning forgiveness. “It’s alright. Your lineage is indeed connected to The Saintess, so of course your father wouldn’t let you hear things about Jay.” The Emperor laughed. Chuckling at how serious your parents took The Saintess’ will.

“I’m so sorry Your Majesty. I pray that this act of parental care did not offend you.” Your father’s voice came off troubled, bowing in submission—fretting that he committed a horrible sin.

“Raise your head my dear friend. I am not offended in the slightest. Your deep adoration for your daughter is admirable. Don’t stress too much over it. Instead, may these two greet one another?” The Emperor placed his hand on your father’s shoulder, making sure to reassure his rising anxiety.

A light sigh left your father’s lips, happy to know the family wasn’t going to face the emperor’s wrath. Your father’s hand was firm on your upper back, gently ushering you to talk to Jay. Even if he seemed confident, deep down you knew how much he hated the idea of this. Taking the push, you warmly spoke. “It’s nice to formally meet you, Your Grace.” Curtseying once more. 

You felt nervous for some reason. Was it from finally meeting Jay in person, or could it have been the mana of his dragon powers—feeling like a lingering ghost against your skin. Your head craned up, waiting for his reply back. All you got was a gentle nod of his head, paired with a disinterested look. 

“Come on now Jay, give the young lady a response. Don’t just nod your head.” 

The addition of The Emperor’s words made you probe the interaction more. Was Jay unsatisfied with you? Was there something you did to displease him? Your soft smile faltered at the growing questions bubbling in your mind. 

“My apologies lady Y/N. It’s nice to meet you as well.” Jay lowered his head, bowing politely all while extending a hand to you. 

You felt hesitant to take it, already worried your presence alone was unsatisfactory. Yet once your hand was in his, it was almost as if a missing puzzle piece fell into its correct spot. The touch of armor on your skin was cold—soothing in a way. It felt as if your hand in his was right in the world. Your eyes flickered up to Jay’s face, finally taking the moment to study every feature on him. 

The first thing you noticed was the tinge of blue tucked into the depths of his eyes. Ever so lightly replicating the deep blue sea engulfed by sea foam. A gentle laugh verberated in your chest. Finding it amusing you were right about him—even if it was just his eyes. 

Jay’s head tilted slightly—unnoticed to the people around him. He found your hushed laugh sweet, wishing to hear more of it. Then his thoughts paused. Fist tightening as he remembered his place in the world. Even if he was curious about you, at the end of the day you were The Saintess’ kin. No amount of persuading within himself would make him pursue more than just watching you from where he stood. 

Noticing your hand still placed awkwardly in his. Jay leaned down, leaving a gentle peck of his lips against the back of your petite hand. Your face flushed at the sudden contact. It was indeed customary for men to kiss the hand of the woman they greeted. But you truly didn’t think Jay would do so. 

Suddenly your father cleared his throat—pretty loudly. The unexpected sound made you draw your hand away from Jay’s. Once your hand was away from his you turned to look at your father. While you looked away, Jay stared at the cold armor encasing his hand. He may not have felt the warmth of your hand directly. But that didn’t mean he missed the heavy weight of your hand in his. 

Looking at your father, you noticed the expression he gave. Almost as if he was signaling for you to finish up your interaction with Jay. Not wanting to stress out your father anymore than you already had, you turned back to Jay.

Finger tips grabbing the sides of your dress you bowed down. “It was very nice meeting you, Your Grace. But I believe my father wishes for me to head back with him.” Once finishing your sentence did you stand back up to face Jay.

“It was nice meeting you as well My Lady. Congratulations on your debut.” 

The corner of your lips lightly raised at his words. Giving one last curtsey, you turned to head back with your father. As you left, Jay’s eyes didn't look away from you—unsure of when he would truly see you face to face again.

“I see you had an enjoyable time talking to the girl.” The Emperor spoke—mocking evident in his tone. 

Jay’s head turned to glare at the man, displeased with how he referred to you. “Now. Don’t give me that look. You truly didn’t think I wouldn’t notice the clear enjoyment on your stoic face?” This time letting out a scoff. Jay turned away from The Emperor, unwilling to give him the reaction he wanted.

As The Emperor walked in front of Jay he spoke one last time. “But fret not my dear brother. You’ll see her again soon enough.” As Jay listened to his brother, his eyes landed back onto you. Watching you from the other side of the ballroom, brows furrowing as his words sank in. Jay knew something terrible was being planned.

With the ending of your debutante, years went by. Throughout the years you attended many more social gatherings. Within those gatherings you began to instinctively look for Jay. Eyes darting around looking for that familiar shade of black hair. But to your avail, there was no luck. Jay never showed up to any other social gathering since your debut. 

You soon found out he was sent to fight in a war after your debut, finally understanding his new lack of absence in society. Once hearing about the new information you stopped looking for him at the parties. Instead all you would do was pray for his safety. Every night as your hands were clasped together, you stood outside at your balcony asking the gods to look after his safety. 

You didn’t know why you did it. All you knew was if your parents found you praying for Jay’s safety, they surely would’ve died from shock. Even if your parents kept up the pretense of hating and disliking Jay due to his dragon origins. That didn’t stop you from wanting to care about his well being. You continued this new formed habit for the next year, before you would receive news that would truly change the path of your life.

Once Jay arrived back from war he was immediately told to have an audience with his brother. As much as he wished to ignore it and him, The Emperor was very insistent on wanting to speak to Jay. Making his way through the castle halls—followed by the echoing sound of heavy armor rattling with every step—Jay tugged the suffocating helmet from his head. Forehead still drenched in sweat from the long horseback ride to the kingdom. Now at the door of the audience chamber, Jay took one look at himself. He was still covered in blood. An annoyed sigh left his lips knowing his brother was going to surely lecture him about his appearance. 

Pushing through the heavy double doors himself, Jay made his way to stand before his brother. “Greetings to the Empire’s sun.” Jay’s voice was calm, yet held irritation behind it. Jay stood tall, hands behind his back—preparing himself for the conversation. As Jay prepared himself, The Emperor sat at the head of the room. Slouching slightly in his throne chair, eyes not leaving Jay for a single moment.

“My dear dear brother you’re finally back from the war. What has it been? Around five years or so?” The Emperor mocked. “You couldn’t have cleaned off the blood before you got here?” He complained while plugging his nose. 

“Well brother. You insisted I meet you right away to talk.” Jay retorted.

The Emperor sighed out. “Well it doesn’t matter. The thing I want to talk about with you is brief anyways.”

Jay’s fists curled tighter into his armored hands, a habit he created to not outwardly show his emotions. “And what was it you wish to tell me?”

The Emperor sat himself up on his throne. Preparing himself for the reaction his so-called dear brother would give him. “Well. I am arranging for you to marry that girl related to The Saintess.” A wicked smile now splayed across his face, truly amused with the twisted emotions coming across Jay’s face.

“Well in truth, the main reason for your arrangement is that I want you to have a child with her.”

Jay’s eyes widened, not with acceptance and joy, but that of unwillingness. Why would his brother do such a thing? His brother knew fully well of the circumstances within your family. There was no way imaginable they would agree to this arrangement. Your parents marrying their pure innocent daughter over to a monster like him? Then on top of that, having a child with you. It was ridiculous.

“I refuse.” As Jay answered, his voice came off more hoarse, more demanding and firm. This would be the first time in his life that Jay would refuse something his brother had commanded.

An amused laugh left The Emperor’s lips. “See I knew you’d say that. That’s why I’m gonna tell you something very important. So important that you truly won’t be able to refuse this arrangement.”

This time Jay let out a chuckle, believing his brother’s words to be one big bluff. “Then tell me. What type of information do you have that would ever make me say yes to this ridiculous plan of yours?”

“It pertains to your mother Jay.”

“What are you even saying? My mother died when she gave birth to me! You are my brother by title, so how dare you mention her like this!” Jay’s voice rose the more he spoke. Feeling his temper rise at the situation.

“To be truthful now. Your mother has been alive this whole time.” Jay’s face changed within the second. Brows furrowing at the thought of his mother—in which he never met since birth—being alive this whole time. “You see, after she gave birth to you some magicians of mine were able to keep her stable. So at the very moment she’s in this limbo of life and death. Essentially her death is controlled by me if we’re gonna be honest.” 

There it was again, that sly smile, The Emperor knew he truly had Jay in the palm of his hand yet again. While he gloated in satisfaction, Jay still stood there—bewilderment twisting into his facial features. “This. It can’t be true…”

“Why are you doing this, why her? Why need another monstrous child?!” Jay’s voice grew louder, all while his mind became engulfed with chaos.

A scoff echoed through the room. “That ridiculous family has finally birthed a daughter after only birthing sons for centuries. And while you are here alive and well why not take advantage of this chance? A child mixed with the blood of a Saintess and a Dragon born, don’t you think that would be exceptional for me?”

Jay stood there, not wanting to believe a single word. He always knew The Emperor was not as kind and gentle as he showed off, but this. This was nothing more than pure evil. “I know, I know. The sudden news is hard to accept. But if you ever want to meet your mother you know what needs to happen. How about you think on it. Okay?”

Jay thought about his brother’s words, the situation he was now being ushered into. Even if the dragon wasn’t raised by his mother, he always felt some sort of affectionate attachment to her. Hoping those emotions alone would soothe his misery of what he is. As Jay turned his body, The Emperor spoke one final time. 

“You know what will happen if you refuse Jay. So truly think wisely about this choice.” 

With those final words, Jay trudged his way out of the audience chamber. Pushing open the doors more meekly as the exchangement of words sank in. The walk to his room was one big blur, mind disoriented and filled with pros and cons on the marriage arrangement. 

Once inside Jay closed the doors behind him. As he stood there armor clad hands pressed against the wooden door, he couldn't help but feel defeated. Soon his hand curled into a fist, then with one swift motion Jay landed a punch onto the door. The contact of armor echoing throughout the room. 

“This can’t.” Jay sighed out. Truly not knowing what to do now. 

If there was one thing Jay knew for certain, was that you would die. 

While the children of The Saintess were blessed with her holy power. The Dragon’s kin were foretold to be cursed. From the moment they are born into the world they emerge from their mother’s stomach. Essentially killing the mother not even seconds after birth. Of course the newborn doesn’t wish to kill its only true source of nurture and love. But that was the price to pay for being the kin of The Dragon.

Yet his mother was somehow saved—even if it meant her being trapped in a limbo for the rest of her life—but that revelation wouldn’t teeter Jay from the truth. 

You were still weak and fragile. How could you possibly carry a dragon born in your body, especially for nine months? From the moment he first laid his eyes upon you he felt his whole world light up in a way he never knew could be possible. Even if five years had gone by he still remembered your face, the way you softly laughed that night, and even the comforting weight of your smaller hand in his. 

Jay felt an emotion for you he couldn’t quite pinpoint. It couldn’t have been love, for someone like him didn’t deserve to feel that luxurious emotion. Instead Jay deemed this new found feeling as obsession. Yes that’s what it was, the reason why you were on his mind those 5 years he spent fighting in the war. He couldn’t forget the way your hair framed your alluring face, or the way your gentle doe-like eyes started into him.

Jay was just enamored with the sole idea of you. But now with the new arrangement, this unwarranted obsession would in truth be harder to control. And deep down Jay wasn’t sure if he could accept that.

While Jay struggled with his new found information you were just as conflicted as well. That evening of hearing the news, your mother came into your room—panic evident in her voice. “My darling you must get dressed and come with me to your father’s office.” 

You sat in the seating area, book in hand. Your head shot up at the sudden disturbance of your mother. “Mother, what are you talking about?” Placing the now closed book in your lap.

“Just get dressed and we can talk about it when we’re with your father.” Your mother was surely hiding something. Yet your confused demeanor didn’t let you think too much on the matter. 

Before you could ask for your maid—Serim—to come in, your mother beat you to it. Serim was someone entrusted to you for the past couple of years. She was around your age, just a couple years older than you. Her hair was a light brunette color, accompanied with hazel eyes to match. Pulling yourself up from the cushioned chair. You proceeded to stand in front of the full body tri fold mirror. Arms out at your side, waiting for Serim to help undress you. 

Serim was quick with her work, she always had been. Efficient with styling your hair to match your attire. And Serim had achieved that once again. There you stood, hair done up in a half up-half down, paired with a casual cream colored dress with long sleeves. 

“There you are, My Lady. All done!” Serim stood to the side, allowing you to bask in your reflection. Even if Serim helped you with countless beautiful looks, she was still always happy with her finished work. 

You turned to smile at her, showing your utmost loyal appreciation for her. “Thank you Serim. You always know how to help and dress me up.”

“Oh please My Lady, you’re too kind!” 

Before you and Serim could go on more with your shared compliments, your mother was quick to stop you. “As much as I would love to sit and listen. Y/N, I really need you to come with me to your father’s office.” You quickly became quiet. “Oh, yes mother. My apologies.”

Your mother didn’t reply back—her attention focused more on meeting with your father. The walk to his office was quiet, yet oddly rushed. What was so important your mother showed clear stress towards the matter? “Mother is everything alright?” Questioning her, maybe even hoping she’d be willing to speak early on the matter. Instead you were ignored, her mind truly being only focused on the three of you speaking together. 

Finally making it to the office, the servants at the door pushed open the large doors to let you both inside. Now inside, it was only the three of you. You stood there beginning to feel awkward, your father sat at his desk—hands clamped together while his brows knitted into a tense expression. For your mother, she immediately made her way to the seating area, slouching into the couch—which was very unladylike of her.

After seeing this you knew there was something terribly wrong. “Mother. Father. What is it that is plaguing your mind so terribly at the moment?” Your voice broke the chilling silence. “Y/N.” A deep sigh left your father’s lips. “My sweetheart, please sit down.” You still stood there confused, taking a few seconds before making your way to sit down. Pulling out the seat in front of your father, you gracefully sat yourself to face him. “Father, please. What is going on? You and Mother are worrying me.” “Y/N, I. We.” Your father breathed in heavily, finding the words within himself—yet he still struggled to speak. 

After what felt like many minutes—which in truth was merely one minute—your father spoke. “We received a letter from the royal palace. More so, from The Emperor himself.” His words faded off. Your head tilted in confusion.

“What could truly be the problem? Our family has backed up the royal family for many centuries. What could His Majesty have said in his letter that has shaken you up like this?”

Soon you could hear the faint hicks and sobs from your mother, head frantically turning. Did the family do something to make His Majesty upset? What could there have been for your mother to now start crying. She was the type of lady to never show her inner emotions outwardly—unless she was by herself or with Father alone. Turning back to look at your father, his face looked paler than a few seconds ago. “Please! What is going on with the both of you? I’m starting to get scared.”

“My love! Just tell her already. I can’t let this go on for any longer!” Choked sobs left your mother this time around. 

You could hear your father gulp, before he spoke. “The Emperor. His Majesty has arranged you to marry His Grace. Duke of Seathal, Jay Velpark.”

You sat there stunned. If there was one thing The Emperor knew about our family it would be the legend of The Saintess. Not only did His Majesty know of it, but so did everyone in the empire. So why would he pair you both together? “Surely, you can deny this request? His Majesty knows about our story, The Saintess’ legend. Why would he even entertain that idea?” A wretched laugh leaving your lips. 

“We can’t deny his request.” “What do you mean? He may be the emperor, but his word is not always law…” Truthfully you didn’t hate the idea of being betrothed to Jay, in a way it excited you. Getting this rare opportunity to see him for the rest of your life was surely uncalled for. But as you watched your parents wallow in their own despair, you began to feel guilty. How dare you find excitement in His Majesty’s arrangement, while your parents were suffering in front of you.

“His Majesty. He stamped it with the Imperial seal.” Your father’s head lowering deeper into his hands.

“No, that. He wouldn’t?” Everything now dawned on you. The reason why your parents looked so defeated and heartbroken. The Imperial seal was a stamp strictly used for important orders that couldn't be denied. The stamp was an insured demand to agree—denying the seal would lead to immediate execution.

You always thought The Emperor was kind and caring. Yet he stamped the Imperial seal on this request. No. His demand, knowing fully well your parents wouldn’t deny it. You sat there perplexed, unknowing on what to do or even say at this point. All you could do was accept it, for putting up a fight would just be utterly meaningless.

“Your wedding is going to be held next month. During this time you will immediately go into etiquette training-”

“Wait Father. I’ve already learned most of my etiquette growing up. What else is there for me to know?”

“Y/N. You are to be marrying the Duke, that would soon make you a Duchess. You would need to learn both more etiquette and proper training to govern His Grace’s land.”

In truth, you had forgotten Jay was a Duke. Growing up viewing him as The Dragon’s kin, it had slipped past your mind that he was given the title of Duke. As well as a land of his own to govern and care for. Seathal was said to be a territory of land constantly veiled in snow. A land shrouded in winter almost all year long.

Long ago before the tale of The Saintess and Dragon, Jay’s territory was said to be a land full of lush greenery. Filled to the brim with fields full of flowers—ranging from all kinds one could think of. Next to the capital of that land was a sea port, reasons for how Seathal got its name. The port was widely known for its exotic trades and abundance of goods from all around the world. 

But when The Dragon parted ways with The Saintess, he made Seathal his new home. Very soon encasing the town in an eternal winter. Yet for some odd reason, every year around the time of The Saintess’ birthday, Seathal became a bit warmer, more liveable. Subtle flowers blooming in various places, accompanied with fruits and crops sporadically growing across the town. This strange phenomenon only lasts for four months.

The townspeople viewed The Saintess highly for this, deeming the strange break in the season to be an act of pity. They were grateful for her blessing, but that didn’t mean they hated The Dragon as well. 

Another key factor about Seathal was its frequent monster attacks. Due to The Dragon marking that place as his new found territory. Monster attacks lessened—they still happened—but the people were protected regardless. As much as some people wanted to hate The Dragon and his kin, they couldn’t deny the sole reason they still stood was due to that mystical being. 

Anchoring yourself back to the conversation you looked at your father—truly bewildered. This was a lot of responsibility being thrown at you. Being just a young noble lady belonging to a fairly normal household, you were soon to become a Duchess—essentially overnight. Your life would be flipped, unaware if this was gonna be for better or for worse.

“I know this is all very shocking to you my dear. You can head back up to your room if you’d wish to do so.” All your father could do was look at you somberly. Tears daring to leave his eyes. Your father always held himself up strongly—the same as your mother—so for him to almost cry. You could barely begin to understand how much this was affecting the both of them.

“I’ll be heading off to my room then.” Your voice came off weak and dejected, the changing future now settling within you.

As you stood up from the seat you were engulfed in a hug—it was your mother. Faint sobbing leaving her lips as her embrace tightened. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” You hugged her back just as tight. You didn’t know what to feel, part of you was satisfied with this outcome of a marriage partner. But on the other end, you hated seeing your parents feel defeated. They felt like they were betraying The Saintess, you knew that, but there was truly nothing else that could be done now.

Soon you were relieved from your mother’s hug, shaky hands cupping your face, truly taking in the moment of everything. Bidding your mother and father a good night you headed to your room, feet dragging as you walked along the carpeted halls. Making it to your room, you were greeted with a cheerful Serim. Yet once she saw the look on your face did her own smile drastically change as well.

After undressing and settling in bed did you muster up the courage to tell Serim everything. From being arranged to marry Jay to the arrangement being a royal decree, you told her everything. Serim was silent. Then she spoke.

“My Lady, I will go with you to Seathal.”

You shot up from the bed, shocked at her words. “Serim please, I didn’t tell you this so you felt obliged to come with me. I only wanted to tell you cause I thought you should-” Your words were cut off.

“My Lady, I wish to go with you so that I can still serve you by your side. Not that I feel obligated or am told to do so. This is something I truly wish to do.” There it was, that gentle smile Serim always held.

That was one of the things you found comfort in over the years you spent with her. You could feel your eyes water up, truly feeling grateful to have Serim in your life. “Thank you so much Serim. Truly, your loyalty means everything to me. Not as a noble lady, but as someone that views you as my friend.” Your arms opened up to hug her, face burying into her chest in an attempt to cover up your soon tear stained face.

Her embrace was just as strong, if not tighter than your own. “My. My Lady!” Serim sobbed out, her words cut short, truly feeling that she was unable to explain her deep sincerity towards you. Soon enough your room was engulfed in shared cries and sobs.

Pulling away from Serim you rubbed your tear stained face feeling a little bit better about things. You looked ahead to see her face drenched in tears and a runny nose, you let out a little laugh. “Here, take this and start heading off to bed.” Opening the drawer in your bedside, you retrieved a handkerchief. Taking Serim’s hand you placed the cloth in hers.

“Thank you so much My Lady, it means a lot.” Gratefully taking the handkerchief she began to wipe away her tears and snot.

“I will head off to bed then. Sleep well, My Lady. I’m always here if you need someone to talk to. Please remember that. I may be your maid first, but your well being is more important to me than you know.” Standing up and stuffing the cloth in her dress.

“Thank you again Serim, you sleep well as well.” You gave a smile in return. You watched as Serim bowed before turning to leave.

Once the doors to your bedroom had closed a deep sigh left your chest. Tilting your head back slightly you stared at the ceiling above you. Thinking things over in your head, you turned to get up from your bed. Standing up from the mattress, you head over to the edge of the bed to grab your robe. Tightly wrapping it around yourself you made your way to the balcony.

Pushing open the balcony doors you were immediately met with the chill air of the night. Closing your eyes to bask in it, you made your way to the railing. Placing your hands on the marble rails you stared off into the starry night above. The color instantly reminding you of him, the night sky always did. It was funny how the color of the night sky above reflected the same color of Jay’s hair, maybe that was one of the reasons why you began to miss him over the past five years.

As you stood there for a couple minutes you soon clasped your hands together. Head lowering a little, you were preparing to pray. But this time it wasn’t a prayer for Jay’s safety. No. This was a prayer for your family, for Serim. For you. You prayed to the gods that no matter what happens, that from here on out things would surely be okay.

The next month went by in a flash. During the first week you were introduced to your new etiquette classes, as well as being measured for your wedding dress. In the second week you were taught all there is to know about Seathal and its laws. The third week felt less busy, only focusing once more on your etiquette. Then came the last week of the month, probably the most struggling week you had in a very long time.

The beginning of the final week started off with finishing preparations for your wedding dress. Then you were sent to the palace, staying there in the meantime—since that was where the wedding would take place. 

It took you a couple nights to become adjusted, not doing well in the new room. You never had a single problem sleeping anywhere before. But for some odd reason, when it came to the palace, you couldn’t sleep a wink. Serim was there with you the whole way, finding out remedies to help you sleep. Even going as far as to bother the royal doctor to cook up something for you. It was truly a miracle you managed to sleep soundly the night before your wedding without needing anything to help.

That night as you fell asleep, you stared at the wedding dress. Beautifully propped up across the room—the faint moonlight shining down on the ivory fabric. You truly couldn’t believe it. The wedding with Jay was tomorrow. Your heart raced in your chest—a mild feeling of anxiety eating away at you. A sigh left your lips as you tossed and turned in the bed, before closing your eyes for the night.

That morning was extremely hectic, maids and servants were constantly running about. All desperate to get you prepared in time for the ceremony. Everyone was very adamant that you were to sit back and relax. You could barely even relax to begin with, for it was the day of your wedding. You thought of many things to help soothe your growing anxiety, humming a lullaby your mother sang to you, remembering fond times you spent with your father, or the social gatherings you attend with your friends. But all of it didn’t help, if anything it made you feel worse. 

Later that evening you were finally done. Your wedding dress was a gorgeous ivory color, faintly resembling the color of a white lily. Your hair was in an intricate half braid, paired with a small crown and matching ivory veil. You couldn’t believe it was truly you in the mirror, you had looked so different with a wedding dress on. In a way you felt nostalgic.

Soon Serim called for you—she would help escort you to the wedding hall. Once joining arms with her, you made your way down the castle halls. Bouquet now in hand, breathing in and out deep breaths.

“Are you nervous?” Your head turned to look at Serim, head tilted at you in curiosity.

You let out a slight laugh. “Honestly, I don't know how to feel Serim. Do I feel happy for the fact I’ll now be a wife. Or do I feel upset for my parents who didn’t ever want something like this to happen?” You turned away from Serim, still confused on the swirling emotions in your chest. It felt as if water and oil were swishing around, unable to mix and blend well together. Only causing a great deal of discomfort instead.

“Well My Lady, if I could add. What do you feel most when you think of marrying His Grace?” Serim had stopped her steps, simultaneously bringing you to a halt as well. You turned over to her, taking her question into true consideration.

“I. I feel excited about it. For as long as I remember there was a connection I felt with His Grace. Maybe it was because of our connected story, or maybe it was something less than that. All I know is that I don’t feel opposed to this. I’m ready for this new chapter in my life!”

“Then lead by that My Lady, your parents only feel this way cause they deeply and truly care for you, but don’t let those emotions hinder you from how you want to feel.” As Serim finished her words a solemn smile formed. Her other hand placed on top of your interlinked arm—reassuring you in any way she could.

“Serim, here I am thanking you a second time. When I myself have done nothing in return for you.” 

“Don’t thank me My Lady, your happiness and smile is what is truly important to me. Keep doing that and I am more than satisfied.” 

You wanted to trample Serim into a hug at that very moment, but knew it was unjust—especially regarding where you were headed. You kept a mental reminder to do so on this action later. You gave Serim’s hand one last tight squeeze, paired with a thankful smile before making your way to the hall.

Making your way to the wedding hall doors, you were greeted by your father. This time around he had a more bittersweet expression. Proud to see his daughter finally marry, but saddened for who his daughter would be married too. But instead of making it about himself, he truly smiled all to make you feel better.

“Oh my sweetheart, you look beautiful.” He spoke fondly, reaching out a hand for you.

Letting go of Serim you took his hand, giving him a gentle squeeze. “Thank you.” You gave him a quick hug, feeling bittersweet as well. You both turned to face the door, ready for the servants to open the doors.

Before the doors opened your father spoke up softly. “Just know Y/N, no matter what happens. Your mother and I will always love you and will always be here for you.”

You smiled to yourself, head raising as you answered him. “Thank you father.”

With that the doors finally opened. Taking the signal you both proceeded down the aisle. It was a minor wedding, not too grand for many people to come. But also not too underwhelming, for you were marrying The Duke. At the end of the aisle stood Jay. Dressed in an ivory suit to match your dress, it was the first time you had seen him without the iron armor. But it was especially the first time you saw him after the last five years.

You could tell he aged somewhat over the years, fighting in a war for that long would surely age anyone. But the moment he turned to look at you—even if it was slightly briefly—was as if you saw him for the first time again all those years ago. Those silver eyes which held a deep blue at its center, along with his midnight hair you’d spend years comparing the night sky too. A piece of you then found solace in this marriage, even if this was a marriage of convenience for The Emperor. Despite knowing that you truly agreed within yourself to find the positives in this shared life together.

Finally making it down the aisle with your father, he left a quick peck on your cheek. Quickly noting this would be the last time you’d receive affection from your father in a long time. You gave your father a happy smile—one full of warmth and longing.

There you stood, once again face to face with Jay after all these years. You kept your head low, feeling shy now that you were under his gaze. On the other hand Jay was almost losing his mind. He had only ever dreamed of something like this during the five years he was away. Seeing you in a wedding gown, none the less right in front of him. Jay could feel this thread of control breaking, yet seeing you all innocent eyed. He just couldn’t think if you like that.

When he looked at you he couldn’t think of going through with that ridiculous plan. That jerk brother of his was not going to win no matter what. Even if it meant going through the whole marriage not bedding you, Jay would commit to it. As long as it meant The Emperor wouldn’t get his way in the end.

“Today we bring forth a union between two people. One born under The Holy Saintess. While the other under The Mighty Dragon.” The priest soon began his speech, occasionally looking up from the altar—refrring to you both.

As the priest spoke, your eyes slowly looked up at Jay. Despite your eyes being casted by the sheer veil, you were able to see Jay’s eyes stare back into yours. The stare you held with him felt intimate. Almost as if he was staring at more than the outside, it felt like his eyes were looking in. Looking through your soul. 

“As a representative of the Gods above, I approve this marriage of oath between you. Do you, Jay Velpark, take Y/N Marowen to be your wedded wife by oath?”

Jay was quick with his response, his tone cold yet held a faint warmth of affection. “I do.”

“And do you, Y/N Marowen, take Jay Velpark to be your wedded husband by oath?”

Your voice came off strong yet slightly hesitant. “I do.”

“Now you may finalize your vows with a kiss. Please confirm by the Gods that your oath is true.”

After exchanging rings you looked up at Jay, eyes studying him as you waited patiently for him. Jay slightly raised his hand—proceeding his way to kiss you—but in doing so, he saw The Emperor out of the corner of his eye. Seeing him wear a satisfied smile on his face. The memories leading up to this moment flooded by him in a flash, his jaw clenched slightly, still upset at the main cause of it all. 

But when he looked down at you, all of that faded from his mind. Jay truly wished the union between you both happened in a normal sense. Maybe in another timeline of life, he would’ve let himself be in love with you. He wished he was in love with you. Yet he knew he wasn’t deserving of it. 

Getting pulled from his thoughts Jay felt small hands place against his chest. His eyes focused to see you leaning in slowly for the kiss. “They were all waiting I’m so-” Your whisper was cut short, feeling a large hand snake at your waist—tugging you forward.

“We should do this properly at least.” His other hand found its way to your face, cupping your cheek gently as he leaned in.

Jay’s lips on yours felt electric, as if you were missing this touch of physical affection your whole life. The hand that cupped your cheek slowly moved to hold your chin as his lips began to feverishly melt into you. Your hand that was placed at his chest was now clutching his suit in desperation. Your fingers ached at the feeling of Jay’s tongue lick past your lips. This feeling caused a strange sensation to sparkle in you.

Jay began to immerse himself too much into the kiss, truly enjoying the way you clutched his suit—a hopeless tactic to help anchor yourself. Jay knew he needed to end the kiss, but your lips were like a siren’s song beckoning for him. Once his tongue swiped past your lips, he knew he was now in too deep. 

The motion that made Jay stop the kiss was the light feeling of your hand tapping at his chest. Not wishing to give you any discomfort, Jay complied and parted ways. You shyly looked away—frantically catching your breath. Jay turned over to see the small crowd flustered at the scene. Your parents held a shocked expression, while The Emperor found his actions comical. He knew Jay was always infatuated with you. And this moment truly proved his point. 

“I hereby declare the two of you husband and wife. With that we conclude this ceremony.” Declared the priest.

Jay softly sucked his teeth at the dawning realization. He had lost himself into the kiss, into you. But as he looked down at you, seeing your flushed face as you caught your breath. He wanted to kiss you all over again. Without realizing his next movements, Jay pulled you to his side, hand placed possessively at your hip. You looked up at him confused, but he remained unphased—leading you out of the wedding hall.

Once outside the doors Jay left your side, in all honesty you hated it. In the short amount of time you were already used to his larger hand settling on your waist. Serim headed towards you both, greeting Jay first and then running to your side. You felt like you wanted to say something to him, feeling like you wanted to commemorate your marriage with him. But before you could say anything Jay made his way down the hall—leaving you and Serim alone.

For many normal weddings in the Decelis Kingdom it was customary for the bride to move in with the groom right away. But due to the circumstances of Jay being a Duke as well as a member of the royal family, you both had to stay a night in the palace before heading off to Seathal. Once entering your guest room you were immediately changed out of your wedding dress. 

“Serim what else do I have planned for the evening? I thought after the wedding it would be me getting ready to head to Seathal?” You stared at Serim, confusion clear on your face. Intricately watching as she stripped the wedding gown off of your body.

“Well my lady, usually after the first wedding night you must consummate your marriage.” Her tone was a bit flustered as she spoke, after all. She was implying that you would need to bed Jay tonight.

“Wait, that's tonight?!” You stared down at Serim—as she continued her work.

“Uh. Yes My Lady it is.”

Serim finished helping you with your dress—leaving you bare. Turning away she walked over to the wardrobe to grab a specific piece of clothing. “I thought that would happen once I’m with him in Seathal?”

Serim spoke—facing the wardrobe while rummaging about. “Well yes, but since he is a part of the royal family and you are both staying here for one night. You would need to do that duty tonight.”

You stood there stunned, it wasn’t like you were unaware of sex. You knew all about it—almost all about it. From listening to the maids yet again or hearing it from your fellow aristocrat friends. You began to have an idea on what sex was. You weren’t as innocent as meets the eye, but you were indeed still pure. So of course part of you would begin to create nerves on the thought that you were to lose that purity. But at the end of the day, this was now a part of your duty for being a newly married woman.

Serim soon finished up her searching in the wardrobe. Snapping out of your thoughts, you focused on her, wondering what it is she finally found. Noticing the curiosity on your face she pulled the item of clothes in front of her.

In one hand was a somewhat modest set of lingerie, while in the other a faintly sheer robe. You pointed between the both, too surprised to speak. “Surely, I’m not meant…” All Serim could do was lightly nod her head. You let off a soft pout, before accepting the fate of things.

Once dressed Serim helped escort you to Jay’s room. Thank goodness his room wasn’t too far—just around five doors down— it was enough to manage getting there in the get up you were in. Serim knocked on the heavy door, the sound echoing in the silent hall. “Your Grace, Lady Y/N is here.”

There was a silent pause—feeling as if minutes went by—then a response. “She can come in.”

Serim gave you a silent pep talk before pushing the door open for you. The room was poorly lit, curtains covering up the lowering fiery sun. Yet the faint glow of the fireplace allowed some light in the room. Due to the poor lighting it helped ease you, grateful that Jay wouldn’t be able to see the attire you’re in. 

Your eyes scanned the room, soon noticing him near the fireplace. He sat in a single couch stationed in front of the fire, a semi empty wine glass in hand. Jay must have been drinking. As you walked over to him you noticed a circle table perched at his side—half finished wine bottle opened.

“Your Grace?” As you made your way towards him your hand faintly reached out to touch his shoulder, thinking that he didn't hear you walk over to him.

Before your hand could meet his shoulder, a strong grip engulfed your wrist. You looked down to see Jay’s hand tighten—his grasp was firm yet still gentle. The sound of the couch’s chair legs screeching against the floor startled you. Unconsciously you took a step back—frightened by the sudden noise—yet your body was yanked forward. 

You were now at arms length away from Jay, eyes roaming your body as he studied your attire. “I. Uh.” You were hesitant to speak, cheeks flusteredly heating up. 

Jay saw the way your cheeks reddened like budding roses, finding the flustered look amusing. Yet when he saw the outfit you were in. His thread of reasoning was starting to fray again. He couldn't give into his desire to have you, not when he made that promise merely today. Yet as he remained silent you still spoke.

“I was sent here to consummate our marriage, Your Grace.” Jay’s jaw clenched. Imagining the mere idea of you beneath him, gasping for air all with the addition of your sinless eyes covered in tears. He wanted to see it all, do it all.

Jay was quick to dig his nails into his palm, reminding himself of what he told himself. Uncurling his fist, Jay raised his hand to reach for you. His hand began to roam amongst the collar of your robe—slightly pulling it back—eyeing the bare skin that laid beneath it. “You don’t have to refer to me as Your Grace. Just Jay will suffice now.”

The cold feeling of his fingertips left a chill to run down your spine. You didn’t envision Jay as the kind to act overtly affectionately, thinking he would go for it right away. His touch truly was gentle. As his fingertips danced along the fabric—occasionally grazing your skin—you could feel he wanted more. “I’m not sure if I can do that yet. Your Grace.”

Jay exhaled, finding your reluctance to refer to his real name endearing. Yet in all honesty, referring to his formal title was surely the least of his worries. While you both stood there exchanging the few little words you both had, Jay’s hand moved its way up to your neck. Making sure to not harm you, his touch was tentative to you.

His hand slowly made its way to your chin, thumb tucking underneath as he tilted your head up. “In due time I know you can say my name. But I'm sorry Y/N, I don’t think we can consummate our marriage now.” Jay watched as your eyes shifted into a look of confusion. 

He already knew the questions forming in your head. Before you could ask why he answered. “Your body is far too fragile. Remember Y/N I’m a dragon born, you're a human.”

“Yes, I understand that but.” You swallowed back, finding your words. “They’ll check to see if we shared a bed.” 

Admittedly, Jay overlooked that the royal servants would be coming to check in the morning. They wouldn’t take anything for an excuse, especially with his brother breathing down their neck. The servants were sure to conduct a thorough check on the consummation. “We’ll just make them think we did.”

Your head tilted at his words, confused at his implication. Jay noticed your changed expression. Hands leaving your body, he turned away making his way over to the bed. Your eyes watched his every move as he made his way. As Jay sat down on the edge of the mattress, his hand reached out for you.

Like a moth drawn to a flame you aimlessly began to walk to him. You could feel his eyes focus on you, attentive to every step you took. Once again your hand was placed in his. A soft smile formed at the corner of his lips, looking up at you he saw the shy expression you held. If he wanted this plan to be believable Jay needed to know where your heart lied.

“Do you trust me?” Was all he asked.

You were hesitant for a second unsure of how to answer him. Of course you trusted him, but part of you still felt uncertainty. Yet trust was the first thing you needed to give one another. If this would be the first step in creating that, you had to take that step.

Looking into his eyes you nodded your head—implicating a yes. Soon his other hand guided you to sit on his lap. You couldn’t help but immediately tense up at the sudden closeness. “Just relax, I’m not gonna do anything crazy.” His words were low as he whispered in your ear.

The feeling of goosebumps scattered about on your body, finding his warm breath on your ear ticklish. Your hand reached up to your ear, all while instinctively backing up from him. Still his hold was firm, allowing you to be pressed closely to him. Your eyes scanned his face, darting back and forth trying to figure out what he was gonna do. His hand reached up pushing your hair behind your neck. “The only way for them to not question anything is if there’s visible evidence.”

You finally understood what Jay was getting at, if there were visible marks left on your body, there was no way they would question the night. Then you remembered your purity. “But. Your Grace, I’m still a…” Your voice paused—finding the courage to speak. “A virgin... How can we fake that?” Concern laced in your voice.

You saw the way his facial features morphed—thinking of a way to prove your assured loss of purity. “I have an idea. You may not like it though.” His voice was sultry, eyes locked onto your neck as he focused in.

Without any more shared words your neck became occupied. Jay nuzzled into the crook of your neck—simultaneously taking in your scent. The feeling sent an unfamiliar warmth into your hands. That same warmth you felt when he kissed you earlier.

Unable to contain the feeling your hands found its way to his shoulders—firmly holding on hoping to steady yourself. The feeling of something soft—yet warm—soon cascaded across your neck. Was Jay kissing along your neck? 

Your shaky hand let go of his shoulder, soon to be tangled in his dark hair. Jay looked at you from the corner of his eyes, admiring the scrunch in your brows. Feeling satisfaction that his actions were eliciting these reactions out of you. You couldn’t help but bite your lip, the warm tickling sensation eliciting something within you, causing you to hold back. 

Jay continued on with his actions, leaving soft kisses along your neck, all the way up to your ear. He enjoyed the way you would instinctively back up from him, relishing in the way you reacted to these new shared moments with him. 

Not wasting another second Jay began to inflict on his plan. The soft kisses he littered along your neck soon became harsher—yet the sensation didn’t hurt. In between kisses it felt as if he was sucking on your neck, occasionally leaving the feeling of his teeth against your skin. 

You would soon be greeted with the feeling of gentle nibbles every time Jay laid harsher kisses along your neck. As Jay continued onward he felt the way your body tensed as a muffled moan was encased in your mouth. He wished to hear your voice yearn for him, want him, need him, tell him to do more. But Jay knew he would be playing a dangerous game if he pressed on more. 

Finally, Jay’s lips left the nape of your neck. Your fingers left his hair once he pulled away—Jay already missed the absence of your fingers intertwined in his hair. As he pulled back his thoughts were interrupted, quickly admiring the marks that cascaded along your neck. Solely concentrated on the red spots complimented by faint pink ones. A satisfied smile creeped into the corner of his lips, yet this wouldn’t be enough. 

“Just one more moment.”

Jay eyed the deep v cut beneath your robe—another clean canvas to work on. Knowing deep down that some marks should at least be there as well. Soon Jay dipped his head down once more. Hand now placed at your lower back, allowing him to lean you back. A soft yelp escaped from you, the sudden movement scaring you. 

Your hands clutched at his loose shirt, fearing that Jay would possibly drop you. “I won’t drop you. Nor will I ever hurt you.” His words whispered against your skin. Something in you fluttered, you couldn’t tell if it was the way your stomach flipped at his words, or your heart beating loudly. You were sure Jay would hear it. Hear the rapid beating of your heart reacting to him.

A quiet whimper slipped past your lips, shocked by the warm sensation of Jay’s lips meeting with your chest. You prayed Jay didn’t hear you, for it felt indecent, especially when it was all an act. Yet despite your prayers he did hear it, he picked up on the way your breath hitched, the rapid beating of your heart, he had heard it all. 

Hearing your gentle whimper only urged Jay to continue. Lips feverishly kissing across your skin once more, paired with slight nibbles with his teeth. As he proceeded more into the action he couldn’t help but dip you lower. Your eyes squeezed tight at the feeling, fingers clutching tighter onto his shirt. 

The feeling of his lips against your skin soon vanished. Yet you were still lowered back, you felt the way his hand softly tightened against you. Slowly opening one eye you saw the way Jay looked at you. 

Eyes seemingly half lidded, full of something, something unspeakable yet also mutual between you both. Before you could say anything, you were now sitting on the plush bed. Your head craned up, noticing that Jay now loomed over you. His movement so quick you didn’t even take a second to process what happened. 

Your head slightly tilted to the side, questioning what he planned to do next. Yet as you sat there wondering about him, Jay’s eyes once more roamed your figure. You sat before him covered in love marks he had given you. He felt himself wanting to tear off the band-aid which held him back. But he wouldn’t. He couldn’t. 

He was satisfied enough knowing he was able to give you the marks that seemingly accompanied your skin. Yet also knowing you were within arms reach for as long as he would live, meant that much more for him. 

“Your Grace?” That gentle voice of yours called out to him. Jay was quick to ground himself back, his bold silver eyes now looking into yours somewhat longingly.

“Sorry. I was momentarily thinking.” 

You nodded your head in understanding, while doing so, Jay took this moment to walk away from you. Your eyes followed him, glued to his back watching his every move. As he walked back to the side table—out of your visibility—picked up something. Once grabbing what he needed Jay headed back to you. You still sat there patiently waiting for him, wondering what he was thinking of doing now. 

Finally stopping in front of you, his hand came up from his side. You watched closely, questioning what was guarded in his hand. As Jay showed the palm of his hand, a gleam of steel flickered for a brief minute. Then as your eyes adjusted to the dim lighting, you noticed what was truly held in his hand.

A dagger.

You quickly noticed the intricate design carved in, the grip of the blade spiraling into one, while the cross-guard encased a red gemstone you had never seen before. A gemstone so deep in color, it faintly reminded you of blood. 

“What is that to be used for Your Grace?” You couldn’t help but ask him with concern laced within your tone. One brow lifting up as you watched attentively. 

Jay now grasped the dagger correctly. To then hover it over the other side of his hand—palm facing up. “For this.” The next scene of events shocked you—your face drained of its color. Your brows instinctively raised in shock, throat running dry as you watched the crimson droplets hit the floor. The color truly matching the gemstone mended into the blade.

“Your Grace! What?! Are you crazy!” Any tone of formality diminished watching Jay clutch his cut up palm—allowing more blood to ooze in his fist. You rushed to stand up—slightly tripping over the fabric of your robe—from where you sat, panic evident in your body language.

All Jay could do was look at you confused whilst you stirred in panic. The cut indeed hurt for him, but it wasn’t as severe as the wounds he collected on the battlefield. In a sense this only felt like a measly paper cut. 

Nevertheless, watching you scramble over yourself in a desperate attempt to aid him, made him feel happy in a way. He knew finding satisfaction in this was wrong, yet watching you run up to him holding onto his arms tightly. It made him feel seemingly important.

“Your Grace! You’re bleeding. I. We.” Your voice was shaky, unable to know what to do in the situation. What you knew you needed most was a handkerchief. Before you could turn away your body was stopped. 

Looking down you saw Jay’s hand holding onto yours—dagger now completely out of view. You craned your head back up to try and read his face, yet you couldn’t. “It’s okay Y/N.” As Jay reassured you, he soon led you back to the bed. 

All you could do now was watch him in confusion, wondering why he was headed back to the bed while he had a cut on his hand. Then as you pieced your questions together you realized his intentions. Jay was to use his blood to make it seem like you lost your purity.

Once in front of the bed, Jay was quick to ruffle up the sheets, making it seem as if within the night you were both intent on exploring one another. In hindsight the rearrangement came off believable, but once Jay dropped his blood on the bed sheet. There was no way the maids would think twice about what happened tonight. 

Taking your focus away from the bed, you turned to look at Jay. “Why didn’t you tell me?” Hand tightening in his grasp.

“I knew you’d be opposed to me being hurt. Instead you would’ve offered yourself.” His words spoke as if he knew you like the front and back of a book. Yet he wasn’t wrong. You wouldn’t have allowed him to hurt himself if it meant hurting himself instead.

“Yes but-”

“I meant it when I said I’d never hurt you. I am sorry for swaying your trust.This was the only way I thought of doing so.” Jay couldn’t help but turn his head away—feeling ashamed of himself.

“Your Grace…” Stepping forward to him, you reached your hand out to him. Softly cupping his cheek, while doing so you turned his head to look at you.

Jay saw the expression you wore, sullen brows written on your face, held together with a slight frown. Even though you looked at him as if you were upset, he knew it was only because you cared for him. Only less than twenty four hours into the marriage. Yet you held a gentle abundance of admiration for him. Jay disliked it. Feeling that he didn’t deserve such emotions catered to him. Even now as he felt that way, he couldn’t help but melt into your touch. Quickly finding solace in your warm touch—despite it feeling so fleeting.

As you studied Jay, your expression softened, accompanied with a sigh. “It’s okay, Your Grace. Just next time. Please tell me, we are now husband and wife after all.” Giving him a soft smile, hoping to ease him.

“Ah. Let me get you something for-”

“It’s fine. The wound will heal on its own.” Jay was quick to cut you off, ready to take care of it himself. 

You ignored his words, whilst holding tight onto his hand. “It won’t be fine. I can help you.” As you spoke your words came off unsure. Not unsure if you could help, but unsure of your holy powers. 

Jay was now raising an eyebrow at you, curious at what your words entailed. Before he could say anything a shining light emerged from his hand. The glow was tiny, yet held so much radiance behind it. Jay had never seen anything like it before. 

Your eyebrows scrunched together reaching for the little bit of holy power you could muster. This was the first time you had ever used your powers on a person, let alone try to use it again. You first discovered these hidden abilities a couple years back—tending to a baby bird that fell from its nest. 

The pure shock while holding the helpless bird helped manifest a flow of holy powers. You never told your parents about what happened, not even Serim. You viewed it as a blessing bestowed by the gods for being The Saintess’ kin, nothing more. Now here you were, healing your dragonborne husband with an ability you thought would never manifest again.

You could feel sweat bead at your forehead, body beginning aching in heat as you pushed yourself harder. You felt yourself soon struggling, yet you took notice of the deep cut slowly closing up. A light smile formed in the corner of your lips at the progress, but as you continued more your body began to grow weaker.

Jay immediately noticed the light emitting in his hand flicker, then the way you swayed to the side. He was quick to hold you, arm wrapped around your waist earnestly steadying you. “You did well. The wound is closed.” 

“Oh. That’s good…” Your words slightly slurred. Soon losing consciousness. 

As your body went limp, Jay held you against him tightly, ensuring you wouldn’t fall to the floor. With one swift movement Jay scooped you into his arms—holding you in a bridal carry. Not wasting another moment Jay made sure to settle you down on the couch. Making sure to be gentle with you while lowering you down. 

Jay watched your sleeping body, taking a moment to look down at his hand. In truth Jay had lied about the cut, there was still a tear, yet it wasn’t as serious as before. It was red but not worse enough to form a scar later on. 

He couldn’t help but plop down on the floor, back pressed against the leather couch. Hands reaching into his midnight hair, mind racing about. It was one thing for you to be related to The Saintess. But now knowing you had powers—even if it was slghtly—was truly another problem. 

One thing Jay knew for certain was that his brother would not find out about your powers. If he did, there was no telling what his next move would be. Jay let out a frustrated sigh, leaning his head back while doing so. The feeling of your hair swept past him took a hold of his attention while he leaned back. He couldn’t help but take a lock of your hair. Fidgeting about, he couldn’t help but twirl your hair between his fingers. 

Eyeing the way your soft hair passed through his fingers with ease, he proceeded on with his actions. Without another thought he brought your lock of hair to his lips, placing a gentle kiss onto it. Yet in that moment he truly wished it was your lips on his instead.

The morning was the same as the day before, chaotic and eventful. You had woken up in the same room as last night, settled into Jay's bed as if you’ve slept there your whole life. You quickly shot up, taking in your surroundings. Memories from last night flooded into your mind. Remembering what you and Jay had done, you quickly peered down at your chest. Where mulitple red marks sprawled all over your chest.

Your face deepened into a red hue, embarrassment creeping up your neck and cheeks. At the time you didn’t think Jay had done much, yes it was a few kisses along your neck and chest. But now looking, it seemed as if you were covered in bug bites.

Quickly closing your sheer robe, you stood up from the bed. You began to head towards the doors—being sure to ignore the mirror on the vanity on your way out. Once making it out of the room you were immediately greeted with Serim.

“My Lady, you woke up  so early. I’m assuming your long night made you restless?” Serim held a concerned yet also sly grin—a teasing tone hinted in her voice.

All you could do was look away from her, hoping to hide your reddening cheeks from her sight. But to your dismay Serim noticed right away—deciding anyway to keep quiet for your sake. The walk to your guest room was silent, Serim held a happy smile whilst you kept yourself lowered.

Once entering the room you were immediately stripped from your night attire. Now dressed into a casual styled silk dress—allowing for more comfort on the way to Seathal—the color was a soft yellow paired with light blue and seafoam green accents. 

As you finished packing up the rest of your things you began to feel excited for the trip to Seathal. Of course you’d miss your parents, but the new journey ahead excited you more. If there was anything, Jay would certainly allow you to write letters to your parents.

Before entering the travel carriage you looked out at the scenery before you. Trees and hills all covered in that luscious green would soon be replaced by the constant cold winter. You knew you wouldn’t hate Seathal, but you were sure about missing the sun beam down on you. As well as the strolls you had through your family’s garden. Those small things would be something you would most likely long for in the future.

“Are you ready to go?” A familiar voice called out to you, you swiftly turned your head to see Jay stand before you. Covered in the armor he always seemed to be wearing. He couldn’t help but reach out for your hair, his armored hand brushing through your hair gently. 

You blushed slightly, finding the way he combed his fingers through your hair to feel endearing. “Oh yes! I’m ready to head out now!” A nervous laugh left your lips as your eyes focused onto Jay. 

A soft chuckle was heard from Jay as he continued to play with your hair. He noticed the way your dress did a great job of hiding the marks he left. A smug smile etched into his lips when he noticed the faint mark under your ear. Feeling satisfied with himself Jay stretched out his hand to you. “Allow me to help you inside.” 

You scrambled about reaching for his hand as you watched him open the carriage door for you. Jay’s grip was firm and comforting as he hoisted you up the step. Seconds later Serim came over, carrying necessities for your comfort. 

You were quick to look through the items she acquired for you. A smile found its way onto Jay’s lips as he watched you both. “I will be heading off soon. Before I leave, let me introduce you to one of my closest knights.” As Jay finished, a man about your age ushered out from behind.

He was about the same height as your husband—a little bit shorter in all honesty—hair the color of freshly ripe strawberries, along with piercing black eyes. The knight was quick to bow before you. “This is Heeseung. He’s someone I trust greatly, but that doesn’t mean you don’t come to me if he has done something wrong.” Jay placed his hand firmly on Heeseung’s shoulder, a reassured reminder to take care of you.

Slightly curtseying you responded. “Hello Sir Heeseung, it’s nice to meet you. Ah let me introduce my personal maid to you, since you both will be working close to me.” As you finished speaking you pulled Serim forward. Serim came off a bit awkward which felt very unlike her. Your head tilted to the side, wondering to yourself why that is. 

Even if it wasn't noticeable you saw something, a faint dust of pink brushing against her cheeks. Was Serim into Heeseung? Serim stuttered on her words as she greeted herself to Heeseung, you turned to the knight hoping to see his reaction. A faint yet obvious smile now on Heeseung’s face. 

You knew later on this would be something to inevitably tease Serim on. Looking over to Jay you gave him a gentle smile—seemingly thanking him. Before Jay left to mount onto his horse his hand raised up to you. The cold feeling of iron sent chills down your arm, yet it was soon becoming something you acquainted yourself with. Not realizing it, you leaned into his touch. Even if it was the feeling of freezing iron, you felt his warmth behind it.

“I’ll come check on you when we travel for a couple hours.” As he spoke you looked up at him, taking in his words earnestly. Within the last twenty four hours, Jay became infatuated with the way you looked at him.

Eyes that held focus solely on him, he knew one day in the future this infatuation for your gaze would become a problem for him. Not that he would find it tiring, but more so of never wanting your gaze to leave him. 

Once his cold touch left your cheek, it soon made you miss his touch. Before leaving you, Jay made sure to flash you a smile. You stood there in between Serim and Heeseung, somewhat beginning to miss your husband.

The carriage ride was comforting. The view of the morning fog setting a calm vibe for the voyage ahead. At every three hour mark you were allowed to get out and stretch your legs. You had never traveled such a long distance, knowing that Jay put in place these minor breaks to help you. In truth it was very helpful. Yet at the same time you found yourself eyeing Jay as he traversed on horseback. Part of you wanted to ride with him, but deemed it to be unnecessary once the thought entered your head.

While you had felt that way, you ended up riding along with Jay soon enough. He was quite perceptive of you truthfully. Jay saw the way you looked out the window, eyes somewhat longing to partake with him—it seemed. Jay made the final decision for you to join him at the next resting point. With that one goal it became a success for him. At first you were reluctant. But in the end you gave way to him.

Now here you were, seated in front of Jay. It wasn’t the first time you rode a horse, but it was indeed the first time you rode with someone else. It was struggling to get used to it at first. Strong arms caged at your side—tightly gripping onto the reigns—whilst your back was pressed into his chest. You felt yourself tense at the mere closeness. 

The ride was silent, the sound of the galloping steps mixed with the carriage and cargo wagon joining in. By now the morning fog had long dispersed, leaving traces of dewdrops along the grass and tree leaves. For a while you said nothing, taking in the scenery as natural as possible. Soon that silence would break.

The familiar sensation of cold iron nearly shocked you off the horse. A small yelp left your mouth, joined in with shaky hands finding their way to the back of your neck. “Sorry. Did I startle you?” Jay spoke up, his tone came off apologetic—fearing he had truly frightened you.

“I wouldn’t say scare... More so surprised me.” You gave off a gentle sigh as you spoke, reassuring that it was of no big deal. “I just noticed, the marks I left are now almost gone.” Jay couldn’t help but rest his hand along the back of your neck. Your hair now pushed to the side, his thumb faintly rubbed against the disappearing bite marks. A chill ran down your body yet again—unaccustomed to the cold touch of his armor.

“For as long as I remember my wounds or any type of marks to my skin end up fading within the day.” Twirling your hair between your fingers, recalling childhood memories.

“Is it because of The Saintess’ holy powers?” 

“Could be. My parents believe so. But we weren’t really sure.” 

Jay’s brows contorted to a dissatisfied look. Unsure of whether he favored the idea that the marks he left on you healed so quickly. There wasn’t a need to be unhappy with it, yet he couldn’t help but feel irritated somehow.

The next hour was filled with small chit chat. Minor conversational pieces shared between you both, an eager need to get to know more about each other. You learned about Jay and The Emperor being brothers in name, while Jay learned about how serious your family took its own history. The conversation felt idle in a sense, but it allowed for you both to view a part of each other you didn’t get to know beforehand. 

At the next resting point, Jay urged for you to ride back in the carriage. It would soon near nightfall, which would prevent the amount of stops within the trip. You didn’t want to leave Jay’s side, but you also didn’t want to be a pain in his side. Complying with his needs you found your way back to the carriage. 

Before leaving Jay was affectionate with you once more. Armored hand stroking your cheek as he took in your appearance. He acted as if he wouldn’t see you for a long time, when in reality it would only be a few hours. Jay had a sense of reasoning that he’d miss you in that short amount of time, when in reality he knew he shouldn’t.

As you trudged back to the carriage you looked back to sneak a glimpse of Jay, sending him a warm smile. Once entering the carriage you were met with Serim fast asleep. Realizing this you made sure to keep your actions quiet. It had surely been a long day of traveling—especially for Serim. Settling back into your seat, you began to feel yourself doze off as well. Before you could realize it, just like Serim you were quickly asleep. 

The gentle whisper of a voice slowly pulled you from your slumber. You recognized that low and firm, yet also kind and tender voice. Your body stirred slightly, unwilling to wake up. Yet as you did so, the voice still softly wished for you to awaken. 

Obliging to the voice you slowly blinked the sleep away. As your eyes focused on the surroundings, you focused on the person in front of you. It was Jay. A soft smile was on his face as he watched you. Arms wrapped at your side to help you out of the carriage. Once pulling you out, Jay carried you on his forearm, his grip strong against your legs as he held you. Your arms wrapped around his neck,  face nuzzling into the crook of his shoulder while the soft breeze of the winter wind chilled you. 

As you snuggled up to Jay, Serim came over carrying a fur coat. Gently draping the coat over you Jay made sure to tuck the coat in tight—making sure it wouldn’t fall off your body. Jay leaned down to your ear, words hushed as he spoke.

“We’ve made it to Seathal.” 

You turned your head to the side slightly—opening one eye—vaguely seeing the view before you. Feeling another gust of wind brush past you, you finally leaned off of Jay. Head now fully turned away from him, your eyes widened to the pure white landscape in front of you. It was unlike anything you had seen before. Distant hills covered in sheets of snow, alongside trees that reflected the snowcapped hills. In the middle of it all was a castle off in the distance, the tips of the roofings snow covered as well. 

Jay watched the way your eyes twinkled, taking in the view before you. He knew that your breath was truly taken away by it all. “You know once you’re all settled in we can go for a walk sometime this week. I’m sure it’ll snow for the next couple of days.” 

Your face turned to him, a beaming smile plastered amongst your lips. “It snows?! I’ve never seen snow before.” You looked at him excitedly, truly unable to anticipate the upcoming days ahead of you.

While entering the city, you joined Jay on his horse once more. As you trotted through the city streets you watched as the streets were full of vendors. Both selling warm food to even selling merchandise that only came from Seathal.

You noticed the way the people enjoyed the cold weather, showing how acclimated they became to it. Many of the people showed happy smiles while they waved to Jay. Warm congratulations on his awaited return back to Seathal. 

The people threw flowers as the traveling party made its way through the street. Occasionally some people would hand flowers to you, all while greeting you with a warm smile. You didn’t expect such a warm welcome from the Seathal people. Their actions truly made you feel at home already.

Finally making it through the castle gates, the traveling party came to a halt. Jay mounted off the horse first, turning to you as his arms were raised out to your sides—readying to carry you down. You happily took his gesture, hands securely placed on his shoulders whilst being lifted off the horse. 

Before you could walk to Serim and Heeseung, Jay’s hand interlaced into yours. “You must be tired from the long journey. Let me show you where your new room will be.” 

You looked up at Jay, feeling unsure to leave without telling Serim at least. As you turned to look her way once more, Serim was now looking back at you. Taking in the sight of your hands laced together, she nodded to you—assuring you it was okay.

As Jay led you along his strides were small, making sure you were able to keep up with him. While walking along Jay walked through the backyard, making his way through the maze of a garden. You couldn’t help but look around at the surroundings. Taking in the intricate design of the garden, paired with the old castle exterior. 

“This pathway isn’t the usual way to the bedroom. But I thought it would be better to show you this route. It’s a nice walk when you wish for some alone time, or to go out on your own within the castle grounds.” 

Jay explained himself as he walked on, pointing out the different structures within the castle along the way. Once making it inside, he led you through a secluded corridor which led into a grand spiral staircase. The walk up looked long, but due to its seclusion it seemed to be something nice to do once alone. 

As you both made your way up the stairs you noticed open windows placed along the cobble stone walls. It felt like tiny entrance ways into a world beyond the staircase. You couldn’t help but stop at every window—hand long gone from Jay’s grasp—taking a peek at the angles of the now setting sun. Golden rays shining into your eyes every time you peered outside. Jay noticed the way the setting sun’s rays reflected into your eyes, allowing them to change into a color he’d never seen. Jay couldn’t help finding himself becoming smitten with you as time went on.

Finally making it to the top, you both emerged from a painting. The art work was that of what seemed to be Seathal in its spring season. You stood there for a bit, feeling as if you were there within the warm weather. “This is Seathal during The Saintess’ spring season. That’s usually what the people here call it.” Jay noticed the way your eyes were glued onto the painting, feeling the need to tell you more about it.

“I had heard in passing that within one part of the year, Seathal does turn into spring. Despite its usual long winters. I hear it's quite beautiful. Truthfully I can’t wait to witness it.” You turned to Jay, excitement written on your face. Thoughts of Seathal in its spring season exciting you. He couldn’t help but return a smile to you, feeling the same way. He hoped this innocence of enjoyment could last for as long as possible. Hopefully before his brother would demand what he expected most from the marriage. Jay truly wished things would be alright for as long he willed it. 

Making your way past the painting you ended up in a hallway. Only two large double doors leading to a room were at the end of the hall. You immediately assumed it to be your shared bedroom. Jay proceeded on as he opened the bedroom doors. 

As the doors opened you were immediately met with the familiar scent of cedar mixed with hints of vanilla. The very same scent that clung to Jay last night. You felt eerily at ease once taking in his scent, certainly unaware of how much comfort he truly gave you. 

In the middle of the room was a bed, big enough for the both of you to share. As you looked at the bed you thought about how Jay slept alone in something as big as this. It must have felt lonely at times. Continuing on you saw a fireplace, somewhat replicating the room from last night. A lounge couch and an armchair placed near it. Allowing comfort as one stares into the fiery flames in its place.

Deeper inside the room was a desk, positioned to seem forgettable. It must have been where Jay would complete more work even outside of his office. You envisioned quiet nights filled with sitting at the fireplace while he worked at his desk. The thought allowed a smile to appear on your face.

Jay stood near you, beginning the process of removing his armor. “Sorry it's not much. I should’ve had it more decorated to your taste, since we will be sharing this room now.” He spoke while laying the pieces of armor along the larger table within the room.

“No, no. It's okay, I like it as is. It feels very welcoming, believe it or not.”

Jay loosened up, not expecting you to find the gloomy room to feel welcoming of all things. Noticing the change in his posture you couldn't help but laugh. “Besides, the room feels very much like you. Nothing too grand or more of it.” Finishing your sentence did you realize how your words came off.

“I’m sorry that didn’t sound offensive did it? What I’m trying to say is-” Before being able to ramble on, Jay cut off your words. Hand firmly rested on your shoulder—a means of putting you at ease.

Jay let out a low laugh, finding the statement funny. “It’s okay Y/N. I understand what you mean, truthfully Jungwon says the same thing.”

Your head tilted at the new name. Jungwon wasn’t someone you had ever heard of before. “Who’s Jungwon?” Mind already forgetting about the previous conversation.

“Oh Jungwon? He’s my second hand around here. More so my personal aide to say. You’ll meet him tomorrow I’m sure. Besides, you can have a more proper tour of the castle as well.” 

As you listened to Jay speak you failed to hold back the forming yawn. Hand placed over your mouth, eyes faintly squinted as a soft breath left your lips. Blinking away the stray tears in your eyes did you realize your lack of manners. “Your Grace, I’m so sorry for my lack of manners!”

“Don’t worry, we did spend all day traveling to Seathal, when usually it takes around two days.” Jay made sure to reassure you, hand finding its way to your lower back. Once his hand rested on you, he began to lead you to the bed.

“You should rest now. Tomorrow will be another longer day.”

Sitting on the mattress you began to remember your lack of belongings. “But! I don’t have any of my stuff. What am I supposed to sleep in?” Your eyes looked into his, worried about what would need to be done.

All Jay did was stand there and think. Head tilting to the side as he watched your distressed expression. Then he came up with something. “You can sleep in one of my shirts.”

Now you were the one to reflect his reaction, this time holding a flabbergasted look. “Wear your shirt? I simply couldn’t, that would be far too improper.” Your words began to shake at the mere image conjuring in your mind. “It’s alright Y/N, we’re husband and wife. It shouldn't be as improper as you deem it to be.” 

You thought about his words, Jay was indeed right. You both were husband and wife, so wearing his shirt for one night surely can’t be as insane as you deemed it as. “If this is the only option I have. Then I can’t ignore your offer.” 

Giving Jay the go ahead, he made his way over to the other action of the room, there stood a large wardrobe. As Jay opened it up, you saw a decent array of clothes, all in muted colors that fit well with Jay. Rummaging all the way to one side of the wardrobe, he was able to pull out a plain white under shirt. It seemed like the kind that paired well under a doublet, long sleeved with a slight fabric ruffle. With a heavy thud of the doors, Jay came back over to you.

“Here you go.” His hand stretched out to you waiting for you to take the clothing.

“Thank you, Your Grace. I’m gonna change out of my dress. May you please?” You didn’t finish your sentence, hoping Jay would catch on to what it is you implied for him. Taking the hint right away Jay turned away from you quicker than you expected—soon being back to back with each other. 

In the beginning process of stripping your dress off was somewhat easy. But as you came across the intricate corset string, you began to struggle. You anxiously bit your lip, unsure of whether to truly figure it out on your own, or to ask Jay for help. 

It’s not that you didn’t want the help, it was more so the way you stood only in your undergarments. Shoulders barren against the gentle cold of the room, whilst you only had the corset and skirt on. You were quick to remember Jay’s words. You were both now married, not to mention, he definitely saw more of your body last night then what you panicked over at this moment.

Biting the bullet you called out for him. “Jay?” Your voice seemed small—as if it floated off with the breeze of the fleeting wind—he didn’t even notice you calling for him. 

“You called for me?” 

“Yes. I. I’m having a bit of trouble…” You spoke shyly, trying your best to fight back any emotion of embarrassment you mustered. “You can turn around as well.” 

Obliging to your consent Jay turned to face you. Instead of seeing your face—which he very well knew was red by now—he came into sight with your bare shoulders. Your hair swept against your seemingly bareback, the only thing allowing that to not be fully bare was your lingerie. Jay felt like he was in a trance, irrevocably entranced by your bare skin. Pieces of you his hands and mouth hadn’t yet roamed over.

Jay snapped out of his thoughts at hearing your faint voice, cursing at himself for being distracted by something as inconsequential as your bare skin. “What’s the matter?” Jay made sure to force his voice to sound tender, hoping it would hide any ounce of yearning he had for you.

You barely noticed Jay’s internal struggle over you—solely focused on wanting to be freed from the corset. “I can’t untie the string. It seems to be stuck.” You continued to fiddle about with the string—hoping to undo it at that very moment. 

“I see.” Jay’s eyes trailed from your shoulder to your lower back. A smile spread across his face, watching as you fiddled with the tied up string. “Here I got it.” His slender fingers brushed past yours—letting you know he had it handled. 

Drawing your fingers back you immediately clasped them, fidgeting amongst yourself as you waited for Jay to untie the corset. His faint breathing felt ticklish against your back, it sent a slight chill down your arms. Jay now focused on the task at hand, he barely noticed your reactions. 

After—what felt like—multiple minutes later Jay stepped slightly aback. Finally finished with the troubling corset. “There.” As his gaze refixed itself back on your back did he now notice the redness on your shoulders. A clear sign that you were flustered during the interaction.

Jay didn’t dare to have you look at him, afraid of what sultry emotion would take over him. Instead he grasped onto that thinning thread as best as he could, truly reminding himself of what was best for you both. You let out a sigh of relief at the loosening of the corset. Both embarrassed yet also satisfied that you would be able to shed it off. “I’m turning back around now, so continue on with changing.” 

You muttered out a thank you to him, proceeding back to stripping away your outside attire. As you took off the dress skirt, a soft thud echoed within the room. Jay’s jaw clenched faintly at the sound, truly wishing he could take in your form beneath the clothing. But he knew that was too risky to ask for. He made sure to stand tall, doing his due diligence to hide the urges he felt for you.

Once your clothes were finally off your body you picked up his shirt. Getting a thorough look trying to figure out how to put it on. Finally figuring it out you slipped on the fabric effortlessly. The material was smooth, unlike silk it was more dense, surely a shirt that would be very comfortable to sleep in.

Finishing putting the shirt on, you turned to face Jay’s back. Before calling out for him, you noticed his ear had a red tinge to it. Was he flustered by you? You giggled at the thought, finding Jay to be more adorable than he himself let off.

“I’m all set.” Your hand reached for his sleeve, signaling him to turn around and face you.

Turning around Jay took the moment to get a good look at you. Your smaller frame standing before him, clad in his clothes, while your bare legs peeked from below the shirt's fabric. Jay bit the inside of his cheek—feeling something in him rise—he couldn’t help keeping his eyes on you, truly like a moth to a flame.

“Is something the matter, Your Grace?” Slightly tugging again on his sleeve you’d hope to pull him out of whatever trance he was in. “I. No. I’m sorry Y/N. I just remembered I need to grab something for the room. I’m sure you’re gonna need another blanket, since it tends to get cold within the night.” 

Jay’s tone was effortlessly straight, quick to get his words across as if something truly troubled him. You looked at him confused, wondering what had him so heavily bothered. Jay now had your hand in his, guiding you into the bed. Watching as you slipped into the bed, he helped to get you situated. Making sure the pillows were fluffed enough, or that the comforter for the bed would be enough in the meantime.

After an array of yes and no answers you were finally let go from Jay’s worries. Watching as you lay there tucked in comfortably Jay couldn’t help but raise a hand to your head. Stroking your hair both lovingly and caringly. You couldn’t help close your eyes to the heavy feeling of his hand on your head.

Yet when he drew his hand back a frown formed into your lips. Jay saw the change in your expression, he couldn’t help but adore it regardless of everything. “I’ll be back soon.” With that Jay began to make his way out the door. Before he tucked himself through the doors your quiet voice rang within the room. “Good night You Grace. I’m just saying it, in case I’m asleep by the time you’re back.” 

Jay chuckled softly in return. “Good night Y/N.” The loud thud of the door followed behind as he left the room. As you lay there you close your eyes, hoping to open your eyes right away as you feel the morning sun beaming through the curtains. Wishing to explore your new home with Jay. 

While you were being taken away by sleep, Jay only had one thing on his mind, or more so someone. You. All he could think about was the way you stood there before him wearing his attire, that of a helpless deer caught in headlights. The way your eyes looked at him innocently, while all he could think about was wishing to take you right then and there.

Making his way through the hidden door, even proceeding down the staircase, his thoughts wouldn’t stop. Soon enough there was a feeling of heat licking at his core. Stopping dead in his tracks, he peered down. The only thing in that secluded staircase looking back at him was the growing bulge in his pants. 

Jay clicked his tongue in annoyance. The one thing he desperately had to avoid while he was to be around you was his growing lust. His lust wasn’t like an average human. Deep down it all derived from his dragon nature, something he desperately tried to soothe whenever he could. Earlier on in life he found a way to maintain it, that solution being blood lust. 

But here he was, giving into a carnal desire he hoped wouldn’t happen. Combing a hand through his hair a frustrated sigh left his lips. Not believing what he was about to do in this very moment. Leaning against the cobblestone wall, Jay proceeded to make his way to the button of his pants.

Not wasting a single moment, Jay effortlessly set one portion of the restraint on his growing bulge free. The unbuttoned pants relieving the unwanted tightness, Jay couldn’t help letting out a sigh of relief. 

For what followed would be more excruciating for Jay. While his pants weren’t in the way, his briefs were still an issue to be dealt with. Jay bit his lip at the sight of his red tip peaking out from the edge of his briefs—a showcase to how much he was holding back. 

Peeling the briefs down, he was finally able to free his aching cock. An agitated—yet satisfied—moan soon echoed throughout the staircase as he palmed himself. Jay’s brows knitted in annoyance as he began to stroke himself, wondering as to why it didn’t feel as good as he forethought. Then an image of you popped into his head, hips bucking softly at the mere thought of you. 

“Fuck.” Jay cursed under his breath. Now conjuring an image of you in front of him, on your knees assisting him in the relief he needed. His head tilted against the wall, brows furrowed while he imagined your soft voice ringing in his ears whispering sweet nothings to him.

He could see it as clear as day, your soft eyes looking up at him. Earnestly wishing to help him out no matter the cost. As he began to imagine you before him, the grasp on his cock tightened softly. Soon Jay was earnestly thrusting into his hand, doing his best to drag out the day dream he had of you. 

With a few more mixed thrusts and strokes, paired with his shallow breaths—bouncing around him—he could feel himself reaching that high. Then he envisioned the way he would cum in front of you. Parts of his ejaculation finding its way onto your face whilst you knelt before him. Jay undoubtedly saw it all in his head, eyes squinting shut as he lost himself to the mere thought of you. 

With one more desperate stroke Jay stilled himself for a second, allowing his body to relax while he came into his hand. He stood there, staring above—the spiraling stairs looming way above him—asking himself what he had truly done. Tilting his head down, Jay looked at the hand that held his cock, staring coldly at the cum glazed on his palm. He couldn’t help but feel irritated with himself for giving into this human desire.

Fishing a stray handkerchief out of his pocket, Jay diligently wiped the cum from his hand—proceeding to crumple it up in his pocket. Once his hands were wiped clean he began to tidy himself up, pulling his briefs back into place to then button his pants. Finishing up Jay continued to make his way back down the stairs—finding you a blanket like he originally intended when he left.

That morning you were awoken to the sound of drawn curtains, joined in by the morning sun’s rays sticking onto your face. You tossed to the other side, wishing to hide away from the brightness past your closed eyelids. 

“My Lady, you must wake up. His Grace is waiting for you in the dining room for breakfast.” The voice was none other than Serim. You turned over to your original spot, one eye peeking open as you focused your vision onto her. Then her words truly rang in your head.

“I’m up! I’m up!” You shouted jumping out of the bed. Hair strewn about as you stood before Serim.  

Serim giggled at your fast reflexes while ushering over to you. “I see that now. Come on, I have to get you situated.” She quickly led you to a corner of a room you didn’t see last night. It had a vanity as well as a mirror and rack for clothes—which at the moment seemed to be for your attire.

Serim sat you down at the vanity—brush in hand—beginning her daily process of preparing you for the day. Styling up your hair as well as doing your make up, Serim had done it all so swiftly as well in a timely manner. This time she styled your hair in a low half up, while your make up was clean—just a few touch ups for the face.

Finishing at the vanity, you were led to the mirror and clothing rack. You questioned how all your clothes got here, but knew it was most likely during your slumber. Serim busied herself looking for a dress, handpicking through every one deciding whether it was the right mood or not. 

At last Serim landed on a dress, the color would be perfect on you. Making her way back to you she showed the dress to you. You nodded your head at the pick, knowing whatever Serim picked would look good no matter what. 

Once Serim helped with getting you into the dress she stepped away—allowing you to look at yourself. The color was a beautiful muted rose, the hue blending in well with your hair color. The bodice had an intriguing design, cut outs that hung low off your shoulders all adorned with small pearls and jewels. The sleeves were long—meeting all the way to your hands—yet had ribbon sewed through at the wrists for cute detailing. At your waist was an intricate embroidery—the designs intertwining with one another—making your gaze down to the skirt, a subtle bow was below your waist ending into a long sash. The skirt was long, trailing down closely at your sides to slowly bloom out like a flower in spring. The dress was truly perfect.

“This is beautiful Serim. Thank you!” You flashed her a smile, feeling the pure act of generosity from your friend.

“Now let's hurry to join His Grace, I’m positive he’ll find the dress astonishing on you.”

Nodding your head, Serim leads you towards the door with a small pep in her step. Exiting the door a voice startled you. “Good morning, Your Grace.” Your head rapidly turned not only to the unfamiliar voice, but to the name as well. 

Standing next to the door was Heeseung. “Heeseung you nearly shocked me to death.” Hand clasped at your chest hoping to ease your racing heart.

“Your Grace, I am so sorry for the scare. Is there anything I can do?” Heeseung looked between you and Serim, unsure of what to do.

“I’m fine, don’t worry. But why are you referring to me as Your Grace?” Fixing your posture—while faintly straightening out your dress—you looked forward to Heeseung. 

“Well you are the mistress of the castle now. It is only right that I address you as Your Grace.” Heeseung stood firm as he spoke to you—yet slowly began to stress at the situation, fearing he may have spoken out of line. 

Indeed Heeseung was right, you were the mistress of the house. Still it was something you needed to become used to within time of being here. “My apologies Heeseung, you are correct. My mind just had a lapse of awareness so I apologize for the worry I caused for you.” You made sure to smile at him, hoping it would sooth his worries.

Heeseung replied with a simple bow, signaling he understood fully well of your intentions. As the three of you stood about, Serim let out a quick cough—signaling for Heeseung’s attention. Right on queue, Heeseung's face beamed with realization. “Let me lead you to the dining room, Your Grace.” Heeseung gestured his way in front of you, waiting for you to acknowledge that. You lightly curtsied to him which then allowed Heeseung to lead the way, Serim followed in suit behind you.

The walk to the dining room was different compared to the route Jay had led you through last night. You walked through halls adorned in a variety of arts and decorations. Yet one painting in particular stood out to you. In the center of the hall was a portrait of someone. The subject of the painting had midnight hair, as well as silver eyes—with that tinge of blue—you recognized immediately. 

It was a portrait of Jay, but he seemed to look years younger, more so of the age when you met for the first time. Your head tilted slightly as you stared at the painting. Perfectly enamored by the details etched into the canvas, one thing you did notice was the inaccuracy of his eyes. The portrait depicted them as only silver, missing out on that deep shade of blue that simmered in his eyes. 

“His Majesty had this painted a bit before His Grace left for the battlefield.” Heeseung over to you—breaking your concentration.

You turned to see the knight looking fondly at the young version of Jay. “I see. I wondered as to why his younger self seemed so familiar.” Turning back to the painting you took one more good look at it. Slowly beginning to think to yourself, how someone of his age served in a war for five years.

“Shall we proceed on Your Grace?” 

Being shaken out of your thoughts you looked over at Heeseung once more. “Yes, sorry. I must have been lost in thought.” Heeseung simply gave you a nod, finishing your walk to the dining room.

Soon you all made it to the dining room. Once entering through the doors you were truly taken away by how large the room was. A long table decorated with silverware and dishware at every chair, while at the head of the table sat Jay. Next to him was someone you had yet to meet. The younger man had blonde hair—slicked back in a style that showed his forehead. He wore a simple outfit, unlike Jay, who was always dressed for his status.

You now assumed the man next to Jay had to be Jungwon, they did look to be relatively close to one another. Making your way down the trail of the table, you were escorted to sit on the left side of Jay. Serim quick on her feet, pulled out your chair, allowing you to make yourself comfortable. Leaving your side, she made her way to stand next to Heeseung at the door.

Settling into your seat there was already food prepared at your seat. On the main plate was an array of some sausages, eggs, bread and some assortment of vegetables. Besides the food on your plate, the table held cheeses, fruits, more bread, and savory pastries. It truly seemed like an unaverage feast. Too busy studying the spread of food your head turned at the slight pick up of Jay’s voice. 

“Good morning.” Jay spoke aloud as his eyes stared into you, watching your every movement since the moment you came through the door.

“Yes good morning to you too!” Your tone was more chipper as you replied back. 

Jay smiled softly at you, enjoying your happiness so early in the morning. “How did you sleep?” Swiftly asking about your wellbeing.

“I slept really well! I’m sorry that I was asleep before you came back.” A pout formed onto your lips while your words trailed off.

A gentle laugh left Jay as he adored your reaction. “Don’t worry Y/N. When I came back from fetching you the blanket I ended up going to my office afterwards to do some work. I’m just mostly glad you slept well.” 

Your cheeks heated softly, feeling how gentle and caring he was—even if it was just relayed by words. “Thank you so much again, Your Grace.” Looking down at the food you began to pick at it, hoping to hide your rosy cheeks.

Jay rested a hand under his chin as he studied you once more, truly enamored by everything about you. “Must you continue to call me Your Grace Y/N?”

You froze momentarily, almost as if you had something stuck within your throat. “Well. I’m just still nervous, forgive me for not being able to speak your name so freely.” You slightly cowered at the thought to say his name. After all you were nothing more than a noble lady mere days ago, so how could you straight address Jay by his name.

Jay exhaled at your answer, but it wasn’t a sigh filled with annoyance at your words. More so wishing you would be able to refer to his name sooner than later. “Don’t worry, take your time. I just felt like teasing you was all.” You nodded your head in understanding, but more so was embarrassed that all he was doing was simply teasing you. 

The rest of the morning was quiet, but not in an awkward silence, the lack of noise was comforting in a sense. The sound of silverware meeting the ceramic plates every so often. The food was nothing more than fantastic, an array of flavors that all perfectly paired into one. As you continued on with your meal Jay had broken the silence. “Once we’re done. Do you want to explore the castle a bit more?” 

You shot your face up from your food, eyes twinkling with excitement at his question. “Yes, yes, yes! I would really enjoy that!” So overtly excited you didn’t notice your voice raised a bit. Realization dawned on you at hearing Jungwon lightly laugh besides Jay. “Sorry, was I too loud?” Emitting the reaction of lowered dog ears.

Jay still kept his smile as he watched you. “No it’s okay. Jungwon only laughed cause I’m sure he finds you cute.” 

Upon hearing his name, Jungwon almost choked at the exposure of his intentions. “See.” Jay called out as he pointed towards Jungwon. “Take your time, once we’re done we’ll head to certain parts of the castle.”

Once finishing the food Jay was the one to escort you out of your chair. He made sure to ask if everything was to your taste and much more. Of course you had nothing to complain about, everything was perfect as is. 

Leaving the dining room—along with Jungwon, Serim, and Heeseung—you made your way to the library first. Making it inside you were amazed at how large the room was. Ceilings tall enough that the books on the top shelf needed a ladder to gain access too. Jay was sure to let you know that anything within the library was all yours to read and look through. You knew this would be a place you’d frequent for many hours of alone time within the future.

Next was making your way to the gallery hall. There you saw even more portraits, some filled with the scenery of Seathal or that of the previous Dukes who ruled over the territory. It was all so splendid and enjoyable to look at. There were even pieces imported from overseas that occupied the hall. Vases, decorative weapons, statues, art, and many more things you had never seen before in your life. Everything felt like a brand new experience to you.

After the gallery hall you made it to the main garden. A big marble pavilion sat in the middle of it all. You looked at it in awe—at that moment wishing it wasn't winter—thrilled to have tea and eat snacks with Serim, Heeseung, and even Jay. Making it past the pavilion you were shown the flowers that bloomed among the bushes, an assortment of roses, tulips, lilies, and any flower you had become acquainted with while growing up. Despite the cold frigid weather, the flowers flourished well—becoming accustomed to its environment. Jay was sure to ask you what your favorite flower was, implying he would grow an abundance of them outside your shared bedroom. You couldn’t help but melt at the thought of it. Your marriage with Jay may have been forced in a sense, but he was sure to be kind and loving with you. You couldn’t but find that curiosity you felt towards him blossom into something more. Something deeper.

As the sun rested below the horizon, you ended the day in Jay’s office—dinner already having been eaten just a couple hours beforehand. Just like his bedroom, it was simple and decorated to his taste. A desk in front of the two main windows, paired with bookcases aligning the walls. In one portion of the room was a sitting area—mostly used by guests or occasional naps from Jay—two single chairs joined with a lounge couch. In the middle of the couches was a table—used for tea time and simple snacks. 

You sat along the lounge couch, tea in hand as you watched Jay surround himself with unfinished work. Before Jungwon had left for the evening, he exclaimed the work was from after Jay came back from the war. That had explained why there were piles of paperwork surrounding him at his desk. 

Jay had urged that you didn’t need to keep him company, exclaiming he had done this for many years alone. You were quick to dismiss his words, making sure to tell him he wasn’t alone now, that he didn’t have to keep doing this stuff alone any longer. Jay didn’t say much at your words, head burrowed into the paper work. But underneath it all, you spotted the tips of his ears burning red. You giggled to yourself, once more adoring his vulnerable side.

Once you had finished the tea and snacks you dismissed both Serim and Heeseung for the night. Reinforcing that you wished to stay with Jay until he was finished with his work. Serim was reluctant but agreed with what you wanted. You watched your maid and knight leave the room, on the way out seeing Heeseung urge Serim to let him help her with the stuff. You smiled to yourself as you saw them leave through the doors, admiring how close they got over the last two days.

“They seem to be pretty close.” Jay pointed out—nose still deep into his work.

You laughed at his observation, hand resting on your cheek as you remembered their interactions over the past two days. “I’m sure they’re both interested in one another. Heeseung has shown he cares about Serim just as much as he cares for me. Truly a knight worthy of his title.” 

Jay let off an approving laugh, finding your words to be very much true. Finishing up the paper in hand, Jay finally set his quill pen down. “I’m finished for the night. Shall we head to the bedroom?” Jay now looked at you, eyes awaiting for your reply.

“Yes, I’m ready to head in for the night.” 

Standing up from his desk, Jay made his way over to you—hand now stretched out for you to take. Taking your hand in his you couldn’t help but notice how cold his hands felt at first. But as you continued to have your hand interlocked with his, the chill turned into a warmth you began to enjoy.

Making your way to the room Jay had mentioned something to you. “In around two weeks time I have to go on a patrol around the territory. And no you’re not allowed to come with me Y/N.” A frown made its way onto your face upon hearing his words. You wished to see every part of Seathal, even if that meant in and out of the city walls.

“I know you’re not happy about it. But it's for your own safety. The border is infested with monsters that I need to take care of. I just don’t want you to get hurt. I’m sorry.”

Hearing Jay speak words of worry and even an apology made your brows knit into concern. Jay had truly cared deeply about you and was showcasing that no matter what. “I understand. Maybe one day when it’s all cleaned and safe enough you can take me there?”

Jay nodded along with your suggestion. “I hope that can happen soon enough. But while I’m gone I’ll have Jungwon show you the ways of running things while I’m away.”

“I’ll be sure to learn thoughts from him while you’re away.” 

Jay chuckled softly at your commitment. “Good girl.”

Your face immediately flushed at his words, feeling nervous now at the sudden praise he had given you. You turned your head to the side, hoping Jay wouldn’t notice you blushing at his words. Unlike your own worries, Jay was too busy thinking about how to bring up his next set of words. 

“Also, I’m sure you’re still worried about consummating our marriage. Your body is still too weak. I’ll inform the chef to make you foods that will strengthen your health and I’m sure you’ll do a lot of exploring within the next couple of months as well, so your stamina won’t be weak as well.” Jay soon began to ramble on—hoping his words didn’t come off offensive.

You quickly noticed his rambling, being sure to soothe his thoughts right away. “Thank you Jay. Your care for me knows no bounds and I truly appreciate all of it.”

Jay forced a genuine smile at your words. Guilt slowly eating away at him. Yes he did it because he cared deeply for you, but at that same time he knew he would have to fulfill his brother’s demands soon. He just wished that fulfillment would happen in a timeframe where you wouldn’t be so physically weak. Deep down he hoped to stall for as long as he could—keeping safe the one thing he began to deeply care for.

Life within Seathal would begin to feel natural—overall normal. Mornings you would get dressed and readied by Serim. Followed by morning meals with Jay—who was always accompanied by Jungwon. In the afternoon you would either read in the library, learn from Jungwon, or take short walks throughout the cold day. 

Oftentimes it would snow throughout those days. Spending most of those moments sitting beneath the pavilion—blanket huddled around you for warmth—watching the snow fall from the sky. Jay would always join you outside, worried you would become too cold within a couple hours.

By the evening you would always spend time in Jay’s office. Teacup in hand while you watched your husband busy himself with the endless piles of paperwork. Other days you would walk through the castle by yourself, feeling the thrill of excitement as you came across new rooms and areas. Jay always managed to find you when it was time for bed—no matter where you were located.

Soon the days would turn into weeks, then finally came the day Jay was leaving for his patrol around the border. Part of you was saddened at Jay being away for merely four days. Jay could sense that, doing his best, he doted on and comforted you—as a hope to not miss him while he was gone. 

You watched as Jay vanished off into the distance, accompanied by the troop of knights in his stead. You had asked Heeseung why he wasn't going along with them. Heeseung had told you he did join the patrols, but this time was instructed to stay by your side while Jay was gone. 

As a result, the days while Jay was away weren’t as dull. Beforehand you were always accompanied by Serim and Heeseung, yet this time they made it their main job to entertain you as much as they could. Due to that mutual agreement between the both of them, they began to grow closer in time as well. Having witnessed moments of shared whispering or giggling amongst them—their interactions soon became that of more than friends.

The day Jay came back in all honestly felt relieving. In those past days while he was gone, it felt as if you were separated for far more than four days. In his absence you began to miss his presence more than you thought you would. Jay was quick to notice your growing clingyness after he came back. 

As a means to make you feel better he had one of the gardeners plant your favorite flowers in front of the bedroom like he promised. By the end of the day there were blue hyacinths planted in the garden from outside the bedroom. 

“Whenever I’m gone you can always think of me when you look upon those flowers. I found out that blue hyacinths mean loyalty.” His hand played with your hair as he watched you leave your focus on the flowers below. Once hearing what the significant color had meant you couldn’t help to tip toe up to him. Lips meeting with his cheek, even if it was momentarily. “Thank you Your Grace. I love them, truely.” You had begun to fall deeply in love with Jay.

Jay stood there shocked at your forwardness, wishing his lips could be met with yours. But it was the first time you had ever made a move of your own. Not wanting to push you away he held back, instead choosing to savor the affectionate moment between you both. 

As the days turned into weeks, the weeks slowly turned into months. Around the one month mark, Jay began to be more affectionate with you. Occasional kisses along your neck to even gentle touches of intimacy. He was sure to always be gentle and abide by your consent, keeping the promise of his words to never hurt you. As these shared moments between you both increased, you began to wish more from him. Simple kisses, hands grazing along your backside, to fleeting touches between you both. You began to crave for more from him. Yet anytime you brought up your consummation, he was always quick to dismiss it. Earnestly wishing for your health to grow stronger before you could tie that official knot. 

Without even realizing it, five months had gone by, that meant five months living in Seathal. Yet still within those long months Jay needed to go on his patrols. In the beginning you desperately started to miss him, but as it became more frequent you were now looking forward to his return than waiting around like a lost puppy. 

On the days he was away you learned everything there was to your Duchess title. Taking care of work within the city, arranging things in the castle, and many more of your duties. In between those days of learning you’d pick up some hobbies—learning to embroider, piano lessons, and even art lessons. Your favorite part from picking up these hobbies was being able to gift Jay things as well as showing him your progress in your lessons. 

Yet while you had normal days without Jay, the same couldn’t be said for him. 

Jay took on more expeditions to the border than normal, everyone knew it and so did he. In pretense it seemed as if it was him diligently doing his job as the Duke of the land, but in reality it was a means to escape from you. Not because he disliked you or hated you. It was due to his growing lust for you. Jay thought that if he continued to clear the borders from the monsters—killing as much as he could to satiate his bloodlust—then surely his unwarranted lust would die down. But it was all useless. 

During those nights as he lay awake unable to sleep he’d create an image of you—same as he did all those nights ago in the staircase. He was able to replicate a version of you so well, it was as if you were a ghost haunting him within his sleep. In the midst of things he’d ask himself if you should’ve come along with him. You did desperately wish to see the edge of Seathal with your own eyes, but deep down Jay didn’t want you to witness what he was out of your sight.

His jaw clenched harshly as he lay on the embellished cot. Hands stuck to his face desperately trying to rub the image of you away. But to his dismay you were still there. Giving up with himself, his hand reached out for you, thumb sliding against your lip as he yearned to feel your flesh on his.

The hand that grazed against your lip soon trailed down to your chin. Fingers holding your head up to face him. In the end Jay knew it wasn’t you, the eyes he envisioned was that of sultry want—boring themselves into his very being. If it was the real you, you would have struggled to hold eye contact with him, he knew that for certain.

Every ounce of him wanted to taste more than what was on the surface. He wanted more from you, more of you. But there was no use in his selfish desires if you were to be used in a plan bigger than what he was. He could never allow himself to excuse his desires if it meant putting you in harm's way. Swatting the ghost of you away, he sat up in the cot. Hands once again finding its way onto his face—fingers gripping into his hair with frustration. “This truly is… Hell.”

The next day Jay had returned back to the castle. It was around late afternoon when he came back with his troop. Yet as he was arriving he saw a carriage from the capital, specifically The Emperor’s personal carriage. Jay’s grip on the reins tightened as he thought of his brother being anywhere near you. 

Dismissing the knights behind him, he galloped his way to the castle entrance. There were maids already stationed to greet him. Hopping off of his horse, the servants lead the companion back to the stables. At the front door entrance stood Jungwon. Jay’s jaw clenched slightly knowing he’d have to go find his brother. “Where is he.” Tone as cold as the winter wind around them.

“He’s in your office, Your Grace.” Jungwon bowed as he spoke, feeling as if he was stepping on eggshells.

Without another word Jay made his way to his office. His metal armor echoed around him while his footsteps hit the floor harshly. Jay wasn’t sure what he would do if his brother laid a finger on you. Killing him wasn’t an option, but if what he feared most was true. It would be his only resort of satisfaction. Barging through the doors his eyes immediately landed on the figure lounged on the large couch. Legs propped up on the table and arms stretched out on the back cushions.

“What are you doing here?”

The Emperor peered his head over to Jay, that sly smile plastered on his face. “Now brother. That’s no way to welcome your brother. I came all the way here to visit you. Have some hospitality now.”

Jay’s hands curled into a fist as he listened to his brother. “You came here to visit me? That’s a lie and you know it.” Jay let off a laugh at his brother’s blatant lie.

“Fine you caught me. But I mean. I did come here for both you and your wife.”

Jay’s eyes flashed at the mention of you rolling off his tongue. The Emperor caught this, laughing at how his brother reacted to the mere remark of your name. Jay’s brows knitted at his brother’s laugh, finding it annoying how he saw amusement in all of this.

“I assure you I didn’t do anything to the girl. I greeted her. Had a little chat and made my way here to wait for you, was all.” A smile crept up onto The Emperor’s face.

“What do you want from us.” Jay was quick to get to the point—wanting his brother out of his sight as soon as he could.

“Well. I heard from a little birdie, that your wife isn’t pregnant yet. Matter of fact. You both haven’t even consummated your marriage.”

Jay’s body froze, anxiety bubbling up at his words. The evidence Jay laid out was believable for the likes of the royal palace’s maids, yet The Emperor knew it was all a facade. That wasn’t the only problem. Now he knew you weren’t pregnant. It had been five months since your arrival here, by now you should at the very least be showing that much was true. Jay stumbled back as things dawned on him. Hand to his head as he tried his best to gather his thoughts together.

“You really didn’t think I’d plant someone from the palace did you?” The Emperor snickered at his brother's ignorance.

Standing up he made his way over to Jay, hand resting on his shoulder. “Since I adore you like my own flesh and blood young brother. I’m giving you one last time to heed my orders.” The Emperor looked up at Jay. Analyzing the emotion of panic wash over his face—something he had never seen in the twenty three years he raised Jay.

Letting out a sigh The Emperor spoke once more. “If not. I will kill your mother.” The Emperor’s hand left Jay’s shoulder, satisfied with what it was he came to do.

Before The Emperor left through the doors his words rang through the office once more. “Remember my words wisely Jay.” With that his brother was gone from the office. 

Jay stood there. Heart racing as everything swirled around him. Jay was running out of time, no, he had no more time left. Jay was so irrevocably in love with you that he would let The Emperor kill his own mother. But on the other hand, it was his mother. The person he assumed was dead his whole life due to his birth. He would do anything in the world if it meant seeing his mother, or even speaking with her once. Yet now he had to choose between you both. Something he never wished to think about the moment the truth was revealed.

Chest tightening, Jay began to strip off the heavy armor. Sweat beading at his forehead in a desperate attempt to calm himself as best as he could. The hard armor hit the floor, the echoing of the clanking metal engulfing the room. Once free, he made his way to the doors of the office. Jay sauntered his way into the hall. Hand placed along the wall to help balance himself along as he went to look for you. His eyes closed shut as he focused, using his mana to search through the castle. Then he found your presence. Walking up the secluded staircase, watching the setting sun as you made your way to the room. Jay was now on his way, desperately wishing to be with you as soon as he could. 

You had always wondered how Jay was able to find you in the castle when no one else could. You were unaware of the fact that Jay’s mana is what made finding you so easy. Ever since that first night you spent together Jay had been sneaking traces of his mana all over you—marking you his in some twisted way.

As Jay finally made it to the staircase he was quick to raise his head up, eyes searching above in a desperate attempt to find you. Then his eyes finally found you, standing there peering out the window, the setting sun shining into your eyes just like it had all those months ago. 

His movements were quicker than he thought, making his way to you faster than he ever did. Jay could feel his fingers tingle in anticipation. Not because he was finally allowing himself to have you. But to hold you and cherish you. Jay could feel himself get swallowed up by guilt. The only thing that could truly cure that dreaded feeling chewing away at him was you.

As you made your way up the steps you didn’t hear the sound of Jay’s presence sneaking up on you. The feeling of hands grabbing at your body shocked you. You couldn’t help letting out a shriek—body frozen as you panicked on what to do.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.” 

The sound of Jay’s voice calmed all that anxiety away. His hands snaked around your waist—holding you flush against him—face soon nuzzling into the crook of your neck. The feeling of his breath exhaling onto you left chills down your spine. Something about him felt off, but you couldn’t pinpoint what it was.

“Is everything okay?” His hold on you tightened at your voice. Feeling like a slow reminder of what was to come for the both of you.

Jay didn’t answer you. You sighed out, hand reaching to his hair—patting him reassuringly. “Can I look at you at least?” 

His response was still the same, only this time as he rubbed his face into your neck he began to leave a trail of kisses. The feeling was ticklish, simultaneously making the heat of your core flutter as his lips grazed against your flushed skin. 

“Jay…”

You merely muttered his name, not even the empty staircase had picked up on it. Yet Jay did. His movements stopped as he heard his name fall off your lips. Your brows knitted as he halted himself—wishing that he wouldn’t stop. Before you could question him once more, you were spun around—back now pressed firmly against the cobblestone walls. Jay’s arms were soon met at your sides—keeping you caged where you stood.

Jay lowered his head next to your ear, once again finding his way to your neck. This time instead of leaving a trail of kisses all he did was take in your smell. Hoping that this was reality and not a twisted dream—maybe part of him did wish it was, but the other half of him prayed it wasn’t.

“Your Grace?” Your words were hushed as you spoke. Not wanting to break the moment between you both.

Jay raised his head from where it was. Now he was looking at you—those silver eyes you remembered in such intricate detail piercing into your very being. As Jay stared at you his eyes wandered down to your lips then back to your eyes, taking in every single aspect of you. 

Raising his hand to you, Jay grazed his thumb over your bottom lip—just as he did with the hallucination of you. But this time you were really standing in front of him, not a lust filled imagery of you. As he brushed his thumb, his eyes wandered back to your lips. Staring at the way your plump lips felt underneath his touch.

“Say it again.”

You looked at him confused, wondering what it was he was referring to. “My name. Say it again.” Hearing his words your face reddened, now aware that he heard you call out his name in a fevered state.

Your eyes looked away from him, hesitance written all over your face. Jay saw the way you reacted, knowing you only felt this way due to the gap in your status. “Please Y/N. Today I wish to finally consummate our marriage. I want to hear you call me by my real name.” 

Hearing his words you slowly met your eyes with his, seeing a pleading look deep in them. You were finally tying that knot with him. So surely it was only right that you did so. “Jay.” This time you said his name more confidently. There was still some reluctance behind your tone, but he was able to hear you say his name.

A smile formed on his face upon hearing his name, unknowing to how overjoyed that made him. In an instant his lips were on yours—light and delicate not wanting to overdo it. Leaving a kiss to your lips, Jay began to trail his way down, kissing briefly along your jaw and down your neck. 

As he submerged himself into his actions, one of his hands now found its way to the side of your thigh. The sensation of him languidly rubbing up your thigh startled you. His kisses paused, chin resting against your chest as he looked up at you, that same smile still peering up at you. 

“I don’t think you understand how crazy you drive me.”

Before anything else could be said, Jay continued on. Hands roaming amongst your waist as he began to kiss along your torso. Even if his lips against your skin were separated by the fabric of your dress, you could feel everything. You gasped out at the sensation, your body tingling from head to toe.

“Wait. Jay…” Your whimpers fell onto deaf ears as he proceeded on. 

Kneeling before you, Jay was now focused on one thing. Making sure you would feel the pleasuring sensation of his desire for you. “Lift up your dress Y/N.”

You wanted to ask questions. Ask him why he wanted you to do so, but as you felt his fingers tap at your ankles you slowly realized why. Crumpling the fabric of your dress between your fingers, you slowly raised your skirt. Jay’s jaw clenched as he watched the fabric rise. Watching as your bare legs came into his viewpoint.

Without warning Jay had placed his hand underneath your thigh—propping it over his shoulder. The feeling of him lifting your leg off the ground caused you to yelp, whilst slightly losing your balance in the process. Quickly aiding you, Jay rested the palm of his other hand against your back.

The feeling of warm lips against your inner thigh made you tremble. Your fingers clutched the dress skirt tighter as his lips made way up your thigh. His grip tightening while he held you close against him. His warm breath swept past your clothed heat, a soft moan leaving your mouth at the ticklish feeling. The sensation was all too new to you, yet, it didn’t scare you. Jay didn’t scare you. But when something wet swept at your cunt your moans only grew louder. A new feeling forming in your stomach at the pleasuring sensation.

As Jay kneeled in between your legs his thread of reasoning was slowly beginning to snap. Your cunt was mere inches away from him, and when he heard your soft whimpers above him he was unsure of how much more he could take. In a heated daze, Jay inched his tongue toward your heat—despite the fabric of your lingerie being in the way. The slight taste of you on his tongue made him shudder, fingertips tingling in a way he never felt before—the thread he desperately grasped at fraying in the process. 

But when he heard a moan unlike any other come out from you, that thread snapped. The hand that held you safely against your back made its way to your hip. Grip strong yet soft as he angled your body up—allowing him a better view of your cunt. “Fuck...” was all he could say as he saw the way you began to soak through your panties. The wet spot in the fabric growing in the mere seconds he stared.

Jay wanted to have you right then and there. He wanted to savor the feeling of your heat wrapped around him as he took you. But the thought faded as he remembered your weakened body. It was impossible for you to take him now, especially without doing anything to ease you onto his size.

Hooking a finger under the gusset, Jay drew the cloth back—now allowing a full view of your glistening cunt. He couldn’t help but bite his lip at the sight, you were finally within his grasp, and Jay was going to have all of you. Leaning his head further in, Jay swept his tongue at your folds—licking up the sweet taste of your juices. Your body arched back at the warm—yet also wet—feeling on your cunt. Legs beginning to shake as Jay lapped at your core.

Jay was earnest in his work, tongue licking along your folds before he’d gently suck at your clit. The overwhelming sensation of his lips wrapped onto your bud shook you, head tilting back as your body jolted with pleasure. The grasp on your skirt faltered as he proceeded on. As Jay continued his motions, the hand gripping at your thigh left its place. Too enraptured by the pleasure you were unaware of the absent feeling on your thigh. Instead that absence would be replaced with his finger prodding at your entrance. 

Your breath hitched in your throat at the tight feeling of his finger inserting into you. Back arching—further—as you felt everything, body shuddering from his touch alone. Despite the slight pain it all melted away as Jay continued his ministrations on your clit.

As Jay inched his finger deeper—slightly curling it in the process—he felt something spongy. Curious as to what it was he pressed down on it, the pressure was soft. Yet that pressure alone caused you to moan louder. Jay smirked to himself, realizing he had found the spot that made you feel good. 

Jay incessantly pressed at the spot. Applying gentle increments of pressure, as well as rubbing against it. As this went on your moans turned into a noisy mess, so much so you began to bite your lip in a hopeless attempt to quiet yourself.

To absorbed into pleasing you Jay inserted another finger inside. Your head began to spin, the pleasure far too much to think straight. As his two fingers slid in and out, paired with his tongue at your cunt, the tingling feeling in your stomach began to ache.

Jay could feel the way your entrance began to flutter around his fingers—signaling how close you were. He began to work more diligently, dragging out your inevitable orgasm. Your toes curled as you felt waves wash over you. Every time Jay pressed down on that spot it was as if the dam inside of you was breaking. Then with one final languid stroke you came undone on him. Jay steadied himself, allowing you to ride out your orgasm. Your body trembled and shivered above him—chest heaving as you gasped for air—eyes wide as you felt the euphoric feeling run through your body. 

Jay retracted his face away from your heat, fingers slowly leaving your entrance as well. He looked down at his fingers, viewing the two fingers coated in your juices. Then he looked up at you, he saw your half lidded eyelids as you came down from that lust driven high. As Jay let your leg touch back to the floor, you couldn’t help but buckle down. Jay quickly held onto you, surprised by how much that alone did a toll on you. “I got you.” Was all he said before scooping you into his arms. 

Motioning you to wrap your arms around him he held close onto you, leaving gentle kisses against your face as he comforted you. A mixture of praises were said to you as he made his way up the stairs. Making it into the room, Jay was worried he overworked you. Deciding by himself that he would take you another night instead. Settling you down on the bed, he began to leave your side—hoping to retrieve a wash cloth for you—but you stopped him. Gentle fingers clutching onto his hand desperately. 

He looked at you confused. Then the next words he heard from you was a sentence he had least expected. 

“Don’t go. Stay.” Was all you could weakly muster out.

Jay stood there, unsure of what to do. You seemed to be utterly weakened. So how could he push you further? “You need to rest.” Jay replied, looking away from you—unable to face you in the heat of things.

“Please. Jay. I need you.” 

This time you sat up to look at him. Jay turned to look at you, wondering if what you had said was real. Then as he saw you sitting there, eyes full of something he never saw from you. The heat of his core began to ache. That look he saw in your eyes was lust. You wanted him at that very moment and Jay could see that as clear as day. Yet, he was still unsure of himself. But when you began to untie the top of your dress before him, all reasoning began to leave his mind.

He watched as the sleeves slipped down your shoulders, dropping past your chest pooling around your waist—revealing your exposed breasts. Jay licked at his bottom lip, before crashing onto yours. His hands cupped at your face, delving himself into the kiss—piecing himself to you like a puzzle piece. The hand placed at your cheek slid around to the back of your neck, angling yet pushing his fevered lips deeper into yours. Jay leaned himself onto the bed—your body following with his movements. His grip on your neck was still strong, whilst his other hand began to dance down your chest.

Rough fingers tauntingly grazing at your nipple, before kneading the bud between his index and thumb. You couldn’t help but moan into the kiss, startled by the sudden pressure on your breasts. As Jay continued to rub your nipple he soon let it go, instead this time cupping your boob in his hands.

His tongue swept past your bottom lip, urging for you to open up for him. You complied diligently, as his tongue slipped in, finding yours immediately. Soon Jay was swirling his tongue along with yours, in hopes to loosen the tension in you as much as he could—while he massaged your chest gently.

The kiss was heated and breathy, your arms desperately clutched around his neck as you followed along with his lead. At a certain point you needed to breathe, but Jay, so immersed into your plump lips, didn't notice you tapping at his chest—only when you bit his lip did he notice. Breaking the kiss right away, Jay began to observe your face—just a few inches from his—your lips now a red color as you breathed deeply underneath him. The last time he had seen such a sight was the day he kissed you at the altar. But now he would see more than just your lips red and sore for him.

Jay’s hand left your chest, reaching up to lower your back against the bed. His hand at your neck left its place, now gluing itself to your waist. Jay’s hands roamed your body as he took in the sight of you, gliding down every curve and crevice—worshipping you in the process. 

The one thing left in his way was the rest of your dress. Immediately tugging the fabric down your legs. Your body was now bare—all except for your panties. Jay was quick to undress himself, fingers frantically rushing to unbutton his shirt.

As his shirt hit the floor, he made way to his pants—unbuttoning in such precision to earnestly remove them. Now he stood there in between your legs, gently grinding his bulge into your core. You bit your lip at the pressure against your cunt. Head turning to the side in a poor attempt to hide your reddening face. Jay was too engaged with what was happening below to realize you were also finding pleasure in everything.

Cursing under his breath his hips wouldn’t stop moving into you. So drunk on you he kept with his motions—which also helped in loosening you more. The moment he spotted his precum soak through his briefs he knew it was time.

Discarding your underwear, Jay got a better view of your wet cunt before him. He could see the way your entrance twitched in anticipation for him. You peeked at him from the corner of your eyes, waiting for Jay to remove his garments as well.

Then as he slid the cloth of his briefs down did you see his cock. The size was unlike something you ever imagined. The girth seemed far too big to fit inside of you, not to mention the faint ridges beneath his shaft. You swallowed back, throat drying at the mere sight of him in front of you. But out of everything, what caught your eyes the most was the tiny blue scales amongst his pelvis. Seemingly the most dragonlike thing about him—besides his eyes.

Jay nestled his cock onto your heat, rubbing himself up and down your folds. The rugged feeling of the ridges against your cunt elicited a moan from you. Despite your pooling desire you began to worry about his size.

“Jay… I don’t think. It won’t fit.” You whimpered out, hand stretching out to push his hips away from yours—yet only your fingertips grazed against his skin.

Suddenly Jay brought both your legs together, holding them straight against his chest—his dick tightly pressed in between your thighs. The pressure was agonizing whilst he imagined himself bottomed out inside of you. It was enough, but he still needed to prep you.

“Shhh.” Jay soothed you, interlocking his free hand with yours, as his hips still continued their slow thrusts.

Throwing an arm over your face you basked in the pleasure, head swirling as you began to see stars in your vision. Your hand tightened in his hold, legs trembling harshly every time he dragged his cock through your folds. Your moans only grew more as his hips began to slam into the back of your thighs. You could feel that knotted feeling in your stomach loosen again. Your heated moans slowly morphed into his name—the feeling of your orgasm looming over you as he continued. Noticing this Jay picked up his pace slightly, wishing to help you cum first.

With one final feverish rub of his cock against your clit the pooling heat inside of you was released. Feeling the way your legs viscously trembled in his grasp, Jay stopped his movements. Slowly rubbing himself into you—helping soothe your orgasm down. You both sat there for a moment. You savoring the ecstasy of it all while Jay watched you. Your arms tightly covered over your face as you laid there catching your breath. It was only the second time that you came, but you were already spent.

Soon your legs would be set into a different position—angled to be pressed at your sides. Jay sluggishly ran his cock against your cunt. Whimpers left your lips—a needy attempt to voice how sensitive you were—but Jay continued on. 

Then as your eyes peered down you saw his cock, tip red and leaking of precum. That's when you realized he didn’t cum at all while he catered to you. Jay got you to cum twice and here he stood still holding it in. Your hands stretched out to your legs, helping to hold them flush against yourself—hoping Jay would also realize your want for him. Jay gulped at the sight. Laying there as you held your legs apart just for him, he was truly enamored with the sight of you. 

As he rubbed himself into your core, he began to thumb at your clit. The gentle and slow circles chewed away at you as you began to feel yourself grow impatient. Yet while he thumbed your clit, it distracted you from the main course of things.

Jay settled the head of his cock at your entrance, you seemed wet enough to take him, and Jay prayed it would be enough to not hurt. As he slowly nudged his way into you, your breath hitched in your throat. This pressure was different from when Jay’s fingers were in you. You could feel the way his tip began to stretch you out. It hurt momentarily, yet the pleasure washing over your body made it durable.

The hand that thumbed at you outstretched onto your pelvis—still continuing his circles on you. His palm on your pelvis made you feel grounded as he inched his way into you. With every inch of his cock in you, your moans began to slip out. As he entered, Jay’s tip momentarily rubbed past that sensitive area. You gasped out at the feeling, back arching at the indescribable pleasure.

Soon Jay was merely half way into you, taking his time to adjust you to his size. He continued to rub your clit, noticing it helped loosen in you in the process. The whole time Jay watched you shake and shudder before him, yet as he looked down his eyes were glued on the way you swallowed him. Every inch disappearing into your tight cunt. With just a few more pushes he was able to nestle his pelvis onto your core. Staying still he needed you to become comfortable with the feeling of him inside. Softly rubbing his hips into you he leaned down to your ear.

“I’m gonna start moving now…” 

Was all he said as his body caged you, arms rested at your side as he drew his hips back. Steady and slow before slamming back into you. Your hands left your thighs as you now blissfully hugged at his neck—nails digging into his back in desperation. 

Every time Jay dragged his hips back the pace was the same—all while rubbing against that spongy spot—yet when he buried himself back inside, it felt needy and rushed. At a certain point in, the pacing of his thrusts picked up. 

No longer was he slowly dragging himself out of you, he was now earnestly slamming his hips into yours. You were soon a mess underneath him, your moans turning into a mix of mewls and gasps. Tears began to brim at your eyes, the pain and pleasure becoming too unbearable for you to handle. 

As Jay buried his head next to yours he turned to look at you. Mind wondering if your face was the exact same way he imagined it. And his imagination was correct, but when he saw the tears he couldn’t help but wanting to kiss them away. His lips met the wet corners of your eyes, hoping to comfort you through his erratic thrusts.

Jay could feel himself reaching his breaking point—his movements becoming a blend of rough and fast to lazy and stable. He was due to cum at any second, but began to doubt things once again—hips pausing for a second—truly asking himself if this is what he wanted to do.

But as he thought of you being able to carry his child and raise one with him, those doubts began to leave him. Now he was telling himself it would be fine, you had The Saintess’ blessing. So surely her holy powers would be able to help you when you would give birth. Agreeing with himself he picked up the pace of his hips one more time.

With one last final harsh thrust he steadied himself—cock nestled deep inside, twitching slightly against your walls. With that one thrust you were able to come for what hoped to be the last time. The feeling of him throbbing inside had you whimpering beneath him, paired with the feeling of a rush of warmth that filled you. 

The two of you stayed in that position, savoring the feeling of each other—while you both caught your breaths. Jay left kisses along your face before pushing himself off of you—all while still being connected. You watched him, eyes half lidded. It wasn’t due to the fucked out daze you were in, but the fact you began to grow tired. Before you could say anything to Jay you were fast asleep. Noticing your tuckered out state, Jay was slightly beating himself up for being too rough with you.

Sliding out of you, Jay immediately noticed the way his cum dribbled out. In a frantic mess he left the bed searching around for something to wipe you up. Remembering his discarded shirt he grabbed it, beginning to wipe you down.

Once finished he searched in your section of the closest for night attire. Securing clean lingerie and a night dress he helped change you—not wishing to leave you in the bed naked. Finishing up, Jay tucked you underneath the covers, soon settling down on the edge of the bed next to you. He watched your sleeping form—chest rising up and down slowly—truley admiring how much he began to love you. 

Jay still felt he didn’t deserve love. But you? You began to show him that he was allowed to take part in that emotion. His hand rested on your stomach, softly rubbing it as the things he did dawned on him. He just truly hoped and wished whatever happened from here on out would be okay. Not just for him, but for you.

The next morning you woke up severely sore. Your back ached as well as your legs—especially your thighs. Serim was with you the whole morning, nursing you and helping out as much as she could to comfort you. As she helped she did ask about what happened, deep down she knew you and Jay had a steamy night, but was worried regardless.

You told her what she had suspected, even telling her how it was your first night together. Serim was shocked at the truth since she believed your consummation happened the night of your wedding. Despite her surprise Serim wasn’t upset with you. She found it chivalrous that Jay wanted you to strengthen your body before he bedded you.

You laughed at her burst of admiration for him. While you both shared the conversation you went ahead to ask about Heeseung—wondering as to what was going on with the both of them. Serim blushed at your question, head shying away from you. 

The room filled with giggles at not only her reaction but her speaking so highly of Heeseung—truly proving he was taking great care of her. Before the two of you could chat more, Jay came into the room. Serim straightened herself as she greeted him. Jay gave her a soft smile before politely excusing her. Serim said her goodbyes—secretly waving at you—before leaving the room. Jay turned to you, brows knitting as he saw your weakened state. “Sorry. I was too rough last night wasn’t I?”

His words caught you off guard. Your cheeks heated up as you processed what he said. “What?! Oh! No you weren’t!” Your words came off high pitched while answering him. Jay chuckled at your reaction—admiring how adorable he found you. Making his way over to you he placed a hand on your cheek, caressing your face gently. You melted in his touch like always. Cheek rubbing into his gentle hand.

“Also. I am sorry about cumming inside as well.”

You craned your head at his words. What did he mean? Then it dawned on you on what he was talking about. Your hands shot to your stomach, gently rubbing the surface. The thought of a child didn’t frighten you, if anything it made you excited. A reminder that you married Jay to live a happy life and create a family.

Jay saw the way you smiled, a bit of relief washing over him all at once. “Well it's not guaranteed you’ll be pregnant right away. A dragonborn’s sperm is potent but it's not easy to tell after one time. I mean if the idea of having a child with me is okay…”

Even if your body ached, and was sore all over you jumped up to hug him. Arms wrapping around his neck—tippy toes barely touching the floor—as you spoke happily about wishing to raise a child with him. Jay reciprocated the hug, arms tightly wrapping around your waist as he nuzzled into your shoulder.

Jay didn’t deserve you. He didn’t deserve you to agree so willingly, especially when you seemed so happy. He hated how he couldn’t tell you the real truth of the matter. Yes he wished to create a family with you, but not in a reality where his brother was threatening his mother. He just hoped you’d be able to stay ignorant of the truth—fearing deep down that he could lose you. 

Separating from the hug, you settled back into the bed. Straining your body too much from one hug. You could see worriedness on Jay’s face—slightly mixed with guilt. “Hey. Don’t be upset. Remember I’m a descendant of The Saintess. I’ll be better tomorrow morning I promise.”

Jay loosened up at your words, but still held a small amount of guilt. Giving you a soft smile he agreed with your words in the end. “If that's the case, take the rest of the day to get better. Tomorrow I’ll introduce you to one of the castle’s doctors. I trust her with my life so you should be fine.”

“Thank you so much Jay.”

His ears reddened at his name, happy that you were able to call him by his name instead of that stupid title. Any worries on his face now vanished—at the mere sound of his name. Jay reached a hand out to stroke the top of your head. You enjoyed it whenever Jay did so, finding yourself beginning to crave for his affection.

“I’ll get going now. I need to finish up some work unfortunately. I’ll have Serim serve you dinner in the room. Just rest for today.” Leaning down, Jay placed a peck to your forehead. With one more gentle look at you he left the room. You laid there, fingers rubbing at your forehead as you began to miss your husband.

The next day you indeed felt better, any trace of aching or soreness was long gone from your body. You woke up earlier than usual—way before breakfast was to be served—after getting dressed and ready you made your way to Jay’s office. Already wishing to see him first thing in the morning. 

As you made your way into the office Jay was happy to see that you were right. In just one day your holy powers healed you back to perfect health. Getting up from his seat Jay walked over—meeting you halfway in the room—arms open as he wished to hug you.

You were quick to reciprocate the hug. Arms wrapping around his waist as you enjoyed the warmth of his chest. You both stood there for little over a minute, the only thing breaking you apart was the sound of Jungwon clearing his throat. Parting ways you both stood there sheepishly, not thinking how much your feelings for either were in sync.

“Yes. Well. I want to introduce you to the doctor today. I’ll introduce you both around lunch time?”

“That sounds great! I will see you at breakfast then!” You turned on your heel stiffly as you made way to the doors. Before leaving you turned around, giving Jay a small wave before heading off to the dining room.

“You both are utterly smitten with one another.” Jungwon chimed in as he continued to look through his work.

“Shut up.”

Later that afternoon like Jay had said, you met the castle doctor—Yunjin. She had a beautiful color of light auburn hair and dark chestnut eyes. The one feature on her that really stuck out to you was the mole on her nose. She was truly beautiful in your eyes.

Jay introduced you both to one another. Yunjin truly cared about her position as Jay’s entrusted doctor, and was all the more grateful she was chosen to look after your pregnancy check ups. During your first meeting she checked to see if you were possibly pregnant. Jay and her knew it was unlucky after the first night but needed to check just in case. 

At the end of the check up you in fact weren’t pregnant—which only meant more heated moments between you and Jay. Once Yunjin finished up, you thanked her plenty of times. Yunjin couldn’t help but grow a soft spot for you off of your first meeting—genuinely understanding why Jay was quick to adore you. As you and Jay watched Yunjin leave, he snaked a hand at your lower back, tugging you close to him in the process. Leaning down to your ear he whispered something to you. “Shall we try again tonight?” 

You couldn’t help but blush at his words. In return all you could do was shyly nod your head at him. Jay smiled to himself at your flustered actions, kissing against your neck and ear as he led you back to the room. That night was filled with passion and desire just like a couple days prior. 

Soon a month would pass, and within that month The Saintess’ season would start. You watched as the winter snow melted into the lush green you saw in the paintings. The colors reminded you so much of home as well. Different flowers bloomed during this season, flowers that would stay healthy and strong.But being able to witness The Saintness season was the least of your busy life.

Cause within that time you slowly began to realize how carnal Jay was. Every other day without fail he bedded you. Whether it was in the morning, evening, or night, Jay was utterly entranced by you. Of course it was all for the sake of you getting pregnant, but there were many times where it felt as if he wanted to be with you because it was you—not for the sake of having his child. That realization alone made you putty in his hands. Giving into his every whim and desire whenever he saw it, and the same was for you as well.

Some days you would do it in the room, other days in the office—Jay was more hands on during those moments, enjoying the way you grew nervous of someone walking in. Even though he made sure to lock the office doors everytime—the secluded staircase was another area in the castle.

Despite mating like bunnies, you were yet to be pregnant. Jay’s behavior shifted a little bit at this. That's when you came to notice how smitten he was—clinging to you as if he was starving. He was eager about releasing in you, always making sure to keep you on him when you both finished. Even going as far as to bending you in such an erotic position, you were bound to end up pregnant.

And just like that you were. You had your daily check up with Yunjin in the late evening—which always ended in no good news. But this time was different. Yunjin seemed more chipper this time, eagerly waiting to tell you something. Once she told you the news, you jumped up to hug her, graciously happy that you were now with a child. 

With no more time to spare you quickly left Yunjin’s room. Hurriedly making your way to Jay’s office. Serim and Heeseung didn’t accompany you on your unplanned visit, since you wished to share this information with Jay alone, as well as wishing him to be the first person to hear it.

You smiled from ear to ear, exhilaration filling up every inch of your body. You could see the doors to his office right at the end of the hall. Picking up your pace as you began to grow impatient. Finally making it to the door you were about to make your way in when you realized one of the doors was cracked ajar. Then your ears picked up on the shared words from inside.

As always it was Jungwon who accompanied Jay in the office. Yet they were both talking about The Emperor, then about you. You shouldn’t have eavesdropped—you know that—but you grew curious on why you were a topic of conversation.

“She needs to know the truth one day, Your Grace.” Jungwon’s usual warm voice was cold and blunt while he spoke.

Jay meekly answered. “Yes. But…”

“Your Grace. There is no but scenario…” Jungwon hissed.

“I know that you and Her Grace have been at it non stop in hopes for her to bear a child. But you need to tell her why you’re actually doing this.”

One of your brows raised at his words. What was Jungwon implying? Was there a bigger motive to all of this besides an arranged marriage. The marriage was indeed arranged, but you believed the both of you had shared feelings. Especially with how nice and affectionate he was with you. That wasn’t false was it?

Then the next things that came out of Jay’s mouth truly shattered your heart.

“Tell her what exactly? That I’m using her to gain a child for my brother?! She can’t know Jungwon and you know that…” Jay raised his voice at Jungwon. Eyes gleaming whilst snarling at his best friend.

But those words were enough to have you running down the hall. Tears stinging your eyes as they fell from your face. You couldn’t believe what Jay had said. Was your marriage really a set up for you to have his child? Your head spun as you tried piecing everything together.

All the times he kissed you, hugged you, touched you. Was it all just a façade? Then you remembered the way he made love with you, the dawning realization made you sick to your stomach.

You didn't know where to run too. You couldn’t go back to the room, or hide out in the staircase—he was sure to find you. As you kept running you unconsciously made your way to Serim’s room—tucked all the way in one of the corners of the castle wing.

Making it to Serim’s room you frantically banged on her door. “Serim. I need you.” Sobbing out as your bawled up hands began to numb.

Serim tore the door open, her face mixed with confusion and fear. Then as she saw your tear stained face her eyes shifted to immediate concern. “My Lady! What happened!? What's going on?” Her hands stretched out to—holding onto the sides of your arms fearing you would slink down.

“I. I don’t. I don't know what to do, Serim.” Your voice hitched as the sound of your wailing sobs cut in between your words. Your shaky hands rubbing at your eyes in a poor attempt to wipe the tears away.. 

Serim rubbed your arms as she led you into the room, settling you down on the bed kneeling in front of you. Her hands reached to yours, pulling them to the side as she aided in wiping your tears away. You sat there allowing Serim to do as she wished—stilling weeping before her.

After lots of gentle soothing and gentle words you calmed down. Your nose a stuffy mess as you stared at the palm of your hands. “What happened? I’ve never seen you like this…” Serim’s words were full of sorrow. Her chest tightening as she saw you—the strongest person she knew—crumbling before her.

Her question of concern brought more tears to your eyes. But instead of a stream of tears, they dribbled down, your eyes already tired from the sobbing session you had mere minutes ago. Then as you cleared your coarse throat you told her everything—the news of your pregnancy up to what you overheard from Jay.

Serim sat there shocked. Unsure of how to comfort you in this situation. “What are you going to do?” She was concerned. There was no way you would be able to be the same near Jay anymore. Not only did he break your trust. He shattered your heart into a million pieces, and Serim could hear those pieces hitting rock bottom.

“I want to leave here. I can’t be here anymore, Serim. I can’t face him.” Your face landed back into your hands as you cried, the situation of things sinking into you.

“What of the child?” 

You paused, tears halting as you remembered the child growing inside of you. Of course you wouldn’t get rid of it, you were ready to love and care for the little one. “I’ll keep it. It may have been brought up in an artificial marriage. But that doesn’t mean the child has to suffer for it. Wherever I go and wherever I end up, I will care for it with all the love in the world. It’s what the baby deserves at the end of the day.”

Serim teared up at your words—happy that she had chosen to serve you for the rest of her life.

“Does that mean you wish to run away. Leave far from here and raise the little one all alone?” You thought about Serim’s question for a moment. But even then it only took a few mere seconds to agree—positive on the decision laid out for you.

Serim nodded her head—understanding what you wished for—as she conjured a plan. “A trip back to the family estate is nearly impossible. You would be found out within the first few hours. You also have no land or relatives out here, so staying undercover won’t work…” Then she thought some more, the image of a familiar red head struck her. 

Heeseung could help. He knew the ins and outs of Seathal, Serim was sure he’d know of a place that was decently far away but also out of Jay’s eyesight. “I’ll ask Heeseung.” You looked at her, eyes widening in shock. “Heeseung? Are you sure he’s gonna allow this? Jay entrusted his safety to me, there's no way he would possibly agree to this…”

“I am certain he will help out. I know he will…”

For the next couple of hours Serim would give you a set plan of escape. You told her about the secluded staircase, ensuring her that the both of you wouldn’t be seen by anyone else in the castle. You also made sure to have her relay this info to Heeseung, that was if he was genuinely going to agree to help.

You and Serim made an agreement to meet one another in the staircase at three a.m. That meant you only had seven hours to play pretend with Jay. You weakly made it back to the room, face clear from the stains and puffiness, yet your heart still ached. You could feel yourself being torn apart, you were unsure if you'd be able to last seven hours. 

While you made it back to your bedroom, Serim was on a hunt for Heeseung—feeling distressed as she looked in every room she could think of. Then as Serim made her way to a more secluded hallway, Heeseung had miraculously come around the corner. 

Serim ran up to him in a frenzy, hands grabbing at his arms before spewing an array of words at him. “Heeseung I need your help.”

Hearing Serim ask for his help the way she did had him alert. “What happened? Are you hurt? Is Her Grace hurt too?” Hands at her cheeks, turning her face side to side—checking for anything out of the ordinary.

“No, but. It does pertain to Her Grace. But she's not hurt or anything…” Serim’s words trailed off as she looked away from Heeseung.

“Please tell me what it is Serim. What's going on?”

Serim told him everything, relaying almost an exact copy of the words she heard from you. As she finished, Serim looked at Heeseung. Hoping that he at least thought about the situation.

“Serim. I.” His words were filled with uncertainty. You were right, he was torn between listening to his master or protecting you from harm like Jay had tasked him too.

“Please Heeseung. You have to help us. Her Grace. My Lady, she's suffering. I don't wish to see her like this. Please. I’m begging you Hee.”

Over the six months of you living in Seathal, Serim and Heeseung had an eye for one another the first day they met. And as time went on they began to develop mutual feelings for one another. You had known—more so it was a hunch, and the same could be implied for Jay—but didn’t say much, wishing to respect your friend’s privacy.

But as Heeseung heard his nickname fall from Serim’s lips, he knew this wasn’t servant to servant. But that of a lover asking for help from the one they love most. 

Heeseung fought with himself, a war going off inside of him internally. But even if his master’s task was law, he loved Serim more than that. “I’ll help you.”

Serim’s eyes gleamed with hope, utterly grateful for the man to call her lover. Grasping at the collar of his uniform, she dragged him down to her height. Leaving a kiss against his lips—showing how much she appreciated the man in front of her. As Serim parted her lips from Heeseung he gave her a smile, truly showcasing how smitten he was with the girl. 

“We have seven hours to kill. I’ll fill you in on everything before we get Her Grace.” Heeseung nodded along as the two of them walked out of the hallway.

You felt empty as you stood at the balcony windows. Your heart and soul felt like a hollow void while looking at the very flowers Jay had dedicated to you. Those same blue hyacinths that held a definition of unwavering loyalty. But what loyalty was there when he had lied to your face for six months? You scoffed at the flowers, finding yourself hating the thing you deemed as your favorite only five months ago. 

The clicking sound of the door didn’t startle you, all it did was prepare you to act how you always did. The you that held an unlimited amount of love and adoration for your so called husband.

Hands wrapped around your waist, Jay pulled you closer to him, your body now flushed against his chest. Just like he always did when he held you from behind, Jay rested his forehead on your shoulder—taking in your scent before laying kisses along the back side of your neck.

“I missed you.” His words made your stomach churn, not in a fleeting way. It was far from that.

You rested your hands on his arms, rubbing them gently as you lied to him—for the first time during your marriage—all while faking a smile. “I missed you too.”

Jay looked at your face, eyes staring into yours, feeling as if something was amidst. “What’s wrong?”

Your body froze at his question, fearing he had caught you. But despite your panicked thoughts it seemed as if he was only concerned. “I’m just tired is all.”

“I can help you with that.” His words whispered into your ear, the feeling of his breath brushing past your ear sending chills down your spine. 

You wanted to hate him with every bone in your body, yet your body craved for his touch. Your brain may have known what to feel, but your heart still yearned for the man you thought loved you. 

Jay began to nibble the back of your neck, whilst leading you to the balcony window—caging you between him and the glass. You placed your hands on the window, helping to steady yourself as he continued on.

You wanted to push him off, scream at him, yell at him, hate him. But you had to keep up the act, just seven hours of playing pretend—was all you needed to not raise suspicion. Your moans choked in your throat as his hand dragged up your dress, ghosting along your legs before gripping the fabric back.

Your body was soon pressed fully against the window as Jay weighed down on you—hand propped at one side of you. The pressure and closeness had your legs feeling numb. You despised how much your body enjoyed it, how he knew all your sensitive spots. As if on queue he began to suck at that particular area under your ear.

You bit your lip, muffling the string of moans as best as you could.

“Don’t do that. You’re gonna hurt your lips.” Jay brought his fingers over to your lips, grazing them as he placed them in hopes you’d bite on his finger instead.

Taking his gesture you bit down on his finger. Jay winced slightly at how harsh it was, but looked past it. Jay soon rolled his hips into you, pressing his stiffness into the plush heat. It didn’t take long for him to discard his pants—and briefs—as well as your underwear. Jay rubbed his bare cock between your thighs before meeting the tip at your entrance. As always he was slow and sensual, always making sure you weren’t in pain—yet as you both did it for so long you grew accustomed to his size. 

Your legs shook as Jay made his way inside—you may have grown used to him, but the feeling of him filling you always left you winded. Jay inched his way in, savoring the feeling of your walls clenching around his cock. 

The hand that was at your lips left you as he dragged his fingers down the side of your body. His grip ended up on your hips, fingers now digging into the flesh of your skin. The stinging pain only heightened your pleasure eliciting more moans. Hearing your satisfied voice Jay picked up his pace. 

The angle he had you in allowed him to drag along that sensitive spot nestled inside. The constant twang of pleasure made you dizzy, forgetting for a brief moment of your discontentment for him. Everything else was a blur. So lost in that dizzying haze you now found yourself in bed. Jay was sound asleep next to you. Arm wrapped over your waist holding you close to him. You peeled his arm off as you slipped out from the bed.

At the beginning of the marriage Jay was always a light sleeper. Either woke up at the smallest noise or just never slept. But as he shared a bed with you and slept next to you that habit of his went away. He would still wake up to some things, but if you were quiet enough things were fine.

As you stood from the bed you watched Jay's sleeping form. Your heart ached as you looked at him, the betrayal of him creeping back on you. Looking at the clock on the side table it read two a.m. There was one more hour until you needed to meet up with Serim.

You headed to the wardrobe, quickly changing as you fished around for clothes. Hoping to find ones that were light weight for the travel ahead. You found plain underdresses in your search—opaque enough that you could wear them as is. Pulling a couple clothing items from the closet you stuffed them into a small travel suitcase. Once everything fit you were positively ready to leave.

But before you decided to head out, your legs stopped you. Part of you wanted to leave without a word, vanish from his life as if you never existed. Yet part of you couldn’t do it. He may have lied to you about the marriage but you lived an amazing six months in Seathal nonetheless.

Walking over to the desk you pulled out a paper and ink quill. Flattening out the parchment you began to write. Etching your words onto the paper in hopes he would accept everything for what it was.

Finishing up, you folded the letter and set it next to the table on—Jay’s side—along with your half of the wedding ring. Your fingers brushed through his hair gently—taking one final look at the man before you. “May we never meet again.” Was all you whispered before slipping through the bedroom doors.

You hurriedly made your way down the hallway—still making sure to be quiet as you moved. Making your way through the painting door and down the long steps you made it to the exit. Outside stood Serim, dressed in casual clothes and a hooded cloak with her suitcase at tow. Hearing you peer out from the door Seirm gave you a gentle smile. Handing over an extra cloak while greeting you. “Did he suspect anything?” Serim asked while helping tie the cloak around you.

“No. He was the same as usual.” Your voice was soft as you tugged at the neckline of your dress—hididng the blatantly red hickies displayed on your neck.

Serim was quiet as she understood what your words had implied. Making sure you were settled, she placed her hand in yours as she led you to meet up with Heeseung. 

“Where are we going?”

“We’re going to meet up with Heeseung, My Lady.”

“He really agreed to help?” You were hesitant for a moment. Unsure to truly place your trust in the knight who was under Jay.

“Yes My Lady. I trust him with my heart. I know he won’t hurt us.”

The rest of the walk was silent. The situation of everything slowly weighing down on you both. There was no confirmed guarantee that this plan would work—fearing deep down the three of you would be caught immediately. After a few more minutes you both made it to a secluded horse stable—it was near the edge of the castle which hugged the lush forest next to it. There in the night with the faint glow of an oil lamp shining against red hair was Heeseung. 

He stood underneath the stable between two horses. On his left was a horse with a beautiful white coat, and on his right was a brown horse that had white specs in its coat. As you made your way closer you saw that Heeseung was dressed casually as well. He wasn’t thinking of leaving Jay to join you was he?

“Heeseung!” Serim piped happily as she ran over to hug him.

Heeseung happily held his arms open engulfing her in his arms, all while shushing her from being a bit loud. You followed in suit, eyes softening as you watched the pair in front of you. Finally breaking away from the moment Heeseung looked up at you to remember what he was originally here for. “Your Grace.” He said while straightening his posture and bowing.

You smiled at him before giving him a response. “Heeseung please, you don’t have to call me that anymore.You know I’m leaving that all behind.”

“But I simply couldn’t.” His brows knitted as he unwelcomed the thought to refer to you so casually.

“I will agree to not call you Your Grace. But allow me to address you as Your Lady instead.” 

Heeseung wasn’t going to let this go no matter what, and for you, being addressed as Lady was easier to swallow so you allowed it. Solving that minor problem you asked Heeseung the bigger issue that weighed on your mind.

“Are you planning to leave Jay’s side?”

Heeseung grew quiet at your words. All he could do to answer was nod his head.

“Why?” All you could do was question him.

“His Grace instructed me to protect you. And if that means destroying his trust then so be it. In the end you would be safer far away from here.” Your face softened at his words. Heeseung had taken his duty so severely that he was willing to sacrifice his own life to uphold that. He was truly worthy of being with Serim.

Packing up the things on the horses, Heeseung had explained the scenario to you. There was a cabin that his family owned in the woods, it was a day out travel, since the cabin was located in a remote farmland. He proceeded to explain that you and Serim would stay in the cabin and he would find lodging in the small town. 

This allowed him to bring over foods and items he brought in town while you continued to hide out in the cabin. The plan was perfect, it sounded like it would work. No, it was going to work. Making sure everything was all set, you set off for Heeseung’s cabin in the dead of night.

That night as the rising sun peaked through the green tree leaves of your travel you were going to leave everything behind. The Saintess’ season would be the last time you ever hoped to see Jay.

The next morning Jay woke up early—just as he always did—sunrise peering into the distance from the balcony window. His arms stretched around the bed feeling for you, thinking of wanting to sleep with you in his arms for the first time in a while. But as he felt the empty space next to him he froze.

Eyes widening at your missing presence. Climbing out of the bed Jay looked throughout the room, believing you were hiding or playing a joke on him. But his search ended in vain, you were nowhere to be found. Then he realized you were most likely within the castle, but before he could use his mana to find you he saw the folded paper in the corner of his eye.

Picking up the oddly placed letter he opened it—reading the contents right away. And written into that paper were your words of departure. Relaying how he was using you to help The Emperor for a child. Jay began to crumple the edges of the paper, eyes not believing what he was reading. But as he read on, his jaw clenched with anger.

At the every end of your letter you hoped to never see him again, and wished he wouldn’t look for you. Before he could conjure his mana, a faint twinkle of light caught his eye. Looking down, that's when he noticed it. Your wedding ring. 

Jay crumpled up the letter in his hand—fuming while doing so—soon pocketing it away. If the scenario was different he would respect your wishes, but he couldn’t. Not when you barely knew the surface of the real truth. Storming out of his room Jay made a beeline to his office.

Finding a maid on the way he yelled at them to wake up Jungwon. He had never acted out like this to any of the servants, yet he couldn’t help it. He was so furious at himself for not even realizing the woman he loved planned to run away from him. Not when you reciprocated to his desires last night. It all felt impossible to him.

Pushing open the doors, Jay made his way to the desk. Frantically looking through the paperwork that littered on top. But what was he going to find? It wouldn’t be your whereabouts, there wouldn’t be any answers. There was nothing.

In a fit of rage he swept everything off the desk. Papers ended up everywhere, quills and ink splattering against the floor, along with the sound of items shattering. Slamming his hands on the table Jay took deep breaths as his mind began to question everything.

Where did he go wrong?

Not long after Jungwon came into the room—hair a mess and clearly disheveled. “What’s wrong. Why are you waking me up so early in the morning?” Irritation clear in his voice.

“She’s gone…”

“What? Who? Who’s gone?” Jungwon was utterly confused by what Jay was saying—now taking in the chaotic mess.

“Y/N! She’s gone!” His voice was raised as his hands clawed into the wood of the desk.

“What?” Jungwon still couldn’t grasp the scenario. Just yesterday things were perfectly normal. But now you were gone? Vanished into thin air like a ghost? It was impossible.

“She found out about what we were talking about Jungwon. She thinks I was using her. It’s what she wrote in the letter.” Jay drew the crumbled paper from his pocket, shaky hands outstretching to Jungwon.

He took the paper, crinkling it out as best as he could. As Jungwon read the words on the paper it clicked for him. You overheard their conversation, misunderstood Jay’s words and deemed  everything to be a lie. Jungwon now saw why Jay was spiraling.

For the next couple of hours, Jay sat in the chair silently. Facing the large windows as he watched the sunny sky shine over the greenery. He wanted to respect your wishes, but knew deep down that was impossible. He needed to explain himself, tell you the real truth. Tell you how torn apart he was about everything. 

But would you even want to hear his words?

The silence was interrupted by the soft knock on the door. Jay stayed silent still, choosing to ignore whoever was at the door. Jungwon instead took the initiative to open it. Once opening the door he was face to face with Yunjin. He quietly greeted her while asking what she was here for. “I wanted to come and congratulate His Grace on the news. I’m sure Her Grace already told him, but I wanted to send my congratulations as well.”

Jay’s ears perked at the mention of you. Cutting Jungwon off he asked what Yunjin was implying. “What do you mean congratulations?”

“Oh? Her Grace is pregnant. I assumed she came to tell you, she was very excited to have you be the first one to hear of it.” That’s when Jay’s world came crashing down again. You were pregnant… You were pregnant and you decided to run away from him. 

His nails dug into the palm of his hand—slightly drawing blood—as he clenched his fist in anger. This new information changed everything. There was no telling what would happen to you. 

Yes you were only a couple days pregnant. But the possibility of that child emerging was at random, it could arrive months or even weeks from now. Jay needed to find you, whether you would let him or not. He was going to do everything in his power to seek out your location.

“Jungwon. Gather an expedition together, we need to find Y/N no matter what.”

“Yes Your Grace.” Jungwon obliged to his words, not questioning him for one second.

“And, kill anyone that my brother planted from the palace. He can’t find out about this…” It was the last task Jay gave Jungwon before formulating a plan.

It was a couple days after arriving at the cabin—it was small and cherubic. It had everything a house needed, a small farm, watering well, and a shed. The inside was just as dainty. The kitchen area was open, a small dining table accompanied the middle—big enough for all three of you—a small sitting area by a fireplace, a room and bathroom on the first floor, and then an upstairs attic which was turned into a living space. Serim took the bed downstairs, strongly pushing that you deserved all the space to yourself on the second floor. You did your best to argue but ended up taking the room. 

Heeseung would come over in the afternoon. A variety of fruits and food, as well as clothes were in his hand from the town at the edge of the forest. He also made sure to buy seeds for the farm in case something would happen to him.

The upcoming days were calm and quiet, you were certain this would be your life for a long time. But that dream ended when Heeseung made his way into the cabin in a frenzied rush. 

“Heeseung what’s wrong?” Serim concernedly asked as she ran over to him.

Walking down the stairs you wondered what the commotion was about. “What’s going on?”

Heeseung looked at you as he heard your voice, brows knitted anxiously as sweat dripped from his forehead. “There’s wanted posters of you in the town. His Grace. He plans on finding you.”

You stood there, a sense of doom filling your senses. You couldn’t let him find you no matter what. Your chest tightened as your breathing halted. Then came the urge to puke. Covering your mouth you ran to the bathroom, immediately reaching for the toilet—preparing yourself to throw up.

Sticking your head into the toilet bowl you began to throw up that morning’s breakfast. Serim helped in holding your hair back as you sat there. Tears brimmed at the corner of your eyes, feeling both the pain and anxiety hit you.

“My Lady, everything should be alright.” Heeseung spoke up. “No one ever ventures out here. Besides there's only a poster for you, so as long as you stay hidden away here. His Grace will never find you.”

Heeseung’s words of reassurance calmed you down. He was right, if they only targeted you, you would be fine. As long as you hid out here, he would never find you.

After the scare Heeseung gave you, things were back to normal again. The only hiccup was your morning sickness, you could barely enjoy anything remotely solid without throwing it back up most days. Due to your pregnant state, your body felt weaker than it ever did. The hickies that were still left by Jay were a consistent reminder of that—desperately making sure they weren’t visible.

You were littered in little cuts and bruises from doing menial work around the house. Serim always got on you about overworking yourself—due to being pregnant. But you hated just standing around and doing nothing. They were here because of you. You wished to be of aid as best as you can, so what if you got a few cuts and bruises due to that.

Soon two weeks had gone by, your morning sickness was better but a small ache would swell up inside of you at times, especially in the middle of the night. Agitated and aching for some sort of relief—that was too impossible to relieve.

Your hand inched down your stomach, scorching fingers brushing past your pelvis. You knew it was your heat that tingled every night. It craved for Jay every night, you hated that it did. 

But the minute your fingers slipped past your underwear you were biting your lip in anticipation. Your other hand lifted up the fabric as you eyed the way your juices clung to your fingers. A deep sigh left your lips at the sight, never noticing how wet you were until now.

Tucking up your night dress slightly you peeled the underwear off—the chill air brushing against your cunt. Your breath was shaky as you plunged your fingers in slowly. It was nothing like Jay’s cock, but you need some sort of relief. 

You angled your hips in a desperate attempt to reach that sensitive spot in your heat. But your fingers just weren’t enough. You whined at the lack of length your fingers had, wishing to alleviate the itch inside of you.

Instead you began to rub your clit as you simultaneously fingered yourself. Positive that this wave of pleasure would be just enough, and it indeed was. You bit your lip as you muffled the soft moans daring to escape your lips.

As you curled your fingers into your walls, picking up the pace of the circles on your clit, you could feel that euphoric high rise to your head. Your body jolted lightly, but as you kept going—dragging out your orgasm—your back arched up, body twitching amongst the bed. Settling yourself and removing your hands from your heat, you stared up at the ceiling. Tears began to fall from your eyes. You hated Jay, you hated him so much. Yet you missed his touch, his comfort, his affection. You began to miss everything about him.

The next day Serim and Heeseung decided to go to town together. You were happy with the idea, feeling that they would get to have a moment to themselves as lovers. Serim was persistent to stay back. It took lots of persuading to make her go with Heeseung.

In the end you were left at the cabin all by yourself. You did a little bit around the house. Tended to the farm, did some cleaning, along with some simple—somewhat disastrous—cooking, you were satisfied with the things you accomplished. As you were sitting down and relaxing there was a sudden knock at the door.

The sound put you on edge. It wasn’t Serim or Heeseung, they had a key to the cabin, not to mention they would’ve just entered. Then the thought of Jay crossed your mind, your chest tightened once more—struggling to breathe as you thought of him.

He had found you, that's all you thought as you faltered away from the door. Your head began to spin, your chest tightening more.

“Miss Saintess. I know you're in there. Open up.” 

It was a voice you never heard before. The unfamiliar voice helped pull you out of your anxiety. Slowly catching your breath you made your way to the door. “Who are you?” Was all you asked.

“Someone you know very well.” 

Without another thought your legs led you to the door. It was as if the stranger’s presence was beckoning you to come over. Your hand wrapped around the handle—hesitating briefly—opeing the door wide.

There stood someone you had never seen before. A large middle aged man clad in what seemed to be a long black chiton—adorned with gold accessories—long black hair that swept across the grass. Then there were his eyes, golden like sunrays of a lowering sun. Part of you recognized this man, but at that same time you didn’t.

The visuals of the man reminded you of someone. You ran through your memories, trying to remember why he felt familiar. You could feel the connection on the tip of your tongue. Then it hit you. 

The First Dragon.

“Wait you’re-”

Your words were cut off as he spoke—low and rhythmic. “Took you a while to recognize me.” The Dragon smirked while crossing his arms. Without another word he made his way inside, ignoring your calls for him to not enter.

“What are you doing here? No. Why are you here?” You became defensive, remembering the history of The Dragon and The Saintess. He had betrayed her, and hurt the people around The Saintess. So if he was here, then there was no good following behind.

“Be at ease Miss Saintess. I’m not here to hurt you.” The Dragon made his way to the lounge area, taking a seat for himself.

“If not that. Then what are you here for…” Your eyes glared at him—refusing to believe him for a second longer.

“That led me here.” He proceeded to point at you—more precisely your stomach.

Your eyes followed his finger to your stomach, hands covering yourself—protecting the growing child. “And why is that?” 

The Dragon chuckled at your growing frown. Amused at your behavior. “I can sense that child’s mana out here. It piqued my curiosity was all. Especially since I don't feel his mana anywhere.”

“Who else are you referring to?” “Of course my predecessor. Jay.” 

You began to back up, inching slowly towards the door as inconspicuous as possible. Everything was becoming far too much for you to wrap your head around. He still didn’t answer why he was here. Was The Dragon here for you or your child, you couldn’t read him, which made it all the more harder.

Serim and Heeseung won’t be back til late evening. You could only hope to bolt out of the house and hide out in the woods. As your hand was reaching behind you for the door handle, The Dragon caught you off guard.

“I’m assuming he didn’t tell you?”

Your ears perked at his words. Eyebrow raising as you tried to figure out what he was referring to. “Tell me what?”

“That the child might kill you.”

Your heart sank. Body chilling as your skin crawled with unease. “What?”

“I see. So he didn’t tell you.” The Dragon’s words trailed off, almost thinking about what to do with you.

“What do you mean the child might kill me?”

A heavy sigh left his lips, preparing himself to explain everything to you. “My descendents didn’t have it nice. You who was born with the gift of holiness and healing is truly the pure opposite of my children. Born to kill the very being that helped nurture and shelter them. Truly unlucky my children are.”

His words struck you like lightning. That explained why Jay did bed you the first night wasn’t it? It all became confusing again, unable to piece your thoughts together. 

“And now here we are. A child of The Saintess bearing one of my kin. How extraordinary is that?”

You stumbled slightly, steps staggering as you found your way to sit down. All you could think of was your impending doom of death. Wiping the sweat from your forehead you asked The Dragon a question. 

“Will I die?”

“Hmm. Not sure. It’s the first time I’ve seen one of her descendents mix with mine. So at the moment it’s unlikely.” His hand rested at his chin, thinking about the matter. “That’s mostly why I’m here. Curious to see if this child will be different from the others.”

Your jaw clenched at his words. He made it seem like the child was some object of studying. “Do not refer to the child as some experiment.”

The Dragon was shocked by your words. Failing to realize how genuine you were about raising the child, despite knowing the information that was kept away from you. “I see. My apologies then.”

You still stared at The Dragon, showing clear signs of discontent all over your face.

“I apologized. Can you stop looking at me like you’re going to hurt me?”

You kept the frown on your face, not choosing to listen to a thing he had to say. “You should leave soon anyways. My maid and knight should be here shortly.” Gesturing The Dragon to get a move on.

“If you wish.” Getting up from the chair he made his way over to the door. “I’ll be back soon. Who else is going to monitor your condition.”

You stayed silent as you opened the door for him. The Dragon gave you a smile before disappearing into the foliage ahead. You shook your head, unable to believe what had happened. 

It was never said The Dragon died, yet you didn’t think he would show up—out of the blue at that. Soon Serim and Heeseung came back, bringing items they had bought from town—an array of foods, materials for the cabin, and accessories for you. You kept quiet about your encounter with The Dragon, wishing to not worry them any more than they already were—even if they were hiding it.

As your days in the secluded woods were restful and happy, Jay was living through hell. The past two weeks he barely slept a wink. Dark circles formed under his eyes as he kept himself awake, working day and night to find you—but never getting far

He traveled to every border spanning from north, south, east, and west. But still couldn’t feel your presence anywhere. It really did feel as if you vanished into thin air. Jungwon urged Jay to try and get some rest, but he always persisted. 

Keeping everything out of The Emperor’s sight didn’t help at all for the matter. His undercover work only stressed him more. Then as night would roll around, as he tried to get some sleep. He would have nightmares. Of you. 

In those figments of terror he dreamed of finding you, yet when he did you only showed hatred towards him. Wishing nothing but the worst for him. Jay knew it was only a bad dream, even so it always felt so vivid. As if you were really standing there in front of him, cursing and hating him for what he did to you.

Usually an hour into the dream he’d wake up in a cold sweat—all with a mix of panic—hoping to never see those terrors ever again. Hoping to wipe the nightmare from his mind, Jay would either bury himself in work or work out in the training grounds until he was sore all over. 

He hated everything about this. He yearned to see you. Tell you how sorry he is, how he didn’t mean to hurt you, how he would make things right, and especially how much he truly loved you. But as the days went on and the searches kept hitting walls, he could feel that hopeful future fading through his fingers.

He just wanted to make things right.

After meeting The Dragon, he was serious about making a visit many more times again. He always came around when Serim and Heeseung were out. You questioned why he did so but felt that it was for the best. It was less of something to explain and less of him possibly hurting the people around you.

Within those visits you began to realize The Dragon wasn’t as bad as you perceived him as. After that day of telling him to address the child for a living being he continued to do so. Making sure to see if you were okay and if the growing baby was as well. 

It was all so odd to you. This being of who knows how many centuries old was taking care of you like a parent. Lecturing you to take care of yourself like Serim consistently did, making sure you never overexerted yourself, you were always safe even outside of his eyesight. The constant supervising had you confused.

“Why are you doing this?” 

You were both sitting outside, under a tree in a beautiful clearing within the forest. You knitted together a flower crown while The Dragon basked in the nice weather.

“What do you mean?” Was all he asked. But you could tell he was feigning ignorance.

You scoffed at his tone, finding his deflection to be amusing. “I know you know what I’m talking about. Let’s not be like this.”

The air grew silent at your testament of an answer. The sound of the hushed howling breeze was the only thing that killed the dead silence. 

With one deep exhale The Dragon spoke. “Why am I doing this?” He paused slightly, finding the words to tell you. “Because it’s the only way I can make up for my past.”

Your head tilted at his words, confused on what he had meant. What was there to make up? He betrayed The Saintess, that was a well known fact. So why did he show so much remorse for what he had done. “And what is it you’re trying to make up?”

“Hurting her.”

Your fingers stopped their weaving, head turning to him as you realized who he was referring to. “The Saintess?”

“Yes.”

The tone in his voice quickly changed. It sounded as if he was burdened by something more than hurting the woman he called a friend. There was sadness laced in his words.

“What actually happened?”

The Dragon closed his eyes. Memories of a time he spent with the woman he grew to love flooding into his mind. As he closed his eyes he recalled everything, relaying all his memories back to you.

Things were at peace, The Saintess and The Dragon who worked together to help the people around them. Aiding one another side by side in mutual cooperation. As their time together grew, so did their bond. And as time went on the two of them realized there was something more than a platonic feeling. 

But The Saintess’ people couldn’t allow the mere idea of a creature like him staying with the woman they deemed a god. So instead they chose to sabotage The Dragon. Taunting him, knowing he would blow a fuse and show what kind of monster he was deep down.

In the end, her people got exactly what they wanted. The Dragon lashed out on the town, burning things in his path—cindering everything he touched. Once The Dragon came too, he realized how grave of a mistake he made. The Saintess would surely never forgive him, for he had hurt the one thing she cared about most in the world.

That’s when The Dragon fled to Seathal, subjugating the land into an eternal winter. Many years went by as The Dragon isolated himself, bitterness taking over. Not to The Saintess or her people, but for himself. 

But when the day of The Saintess’ season blossomed, The Dragon felt her forgiveness. But he just couldn’t take it, until he made things right.

“And that's where you come in.”

Your eyesight began to blur, tears brimming as they fell down softly. Your whole life you were taught how evil and monstrous The Dragon was. Despite your childness of not wishing to let your family’s history rule your life. You didn’t expect this truth to emerge from the one being you never thought to hear from.

Instead he lived a life of guilt and solitude. Soon did you realize how lonely that life must have been. 

“Why are you crying?” The Dragon sounded shocked as he reached to wipe the tears from your eyes.

“I didn’t know.” You hicked as the tears streamed down your face. 

The Dragon sucked his teeth at your emotional state, not realizing this would be the outcome of his truth. “That’s fine. I didn’t expect anyone to know. So stop crying.”

His protests on your tears only had you producing more. “That’s why you’re helping me. Especially since for the time ever I’m being tied down to one of your kin.” Now you were sobbing between words. Gasping for air as you bawled out to him.

“Yes, yes, yes. Now please stop crying.”

After a few minutes you were now calmed down, eyes puffy and red while you struggled to breathe through your nose. “Thank you for telling me.” Your words came off hoarse as you spoke to him.

“Yeah. Yeah.”

You couldn’t help but laugh at his reaction. After that day you knew the emotional connection you had with The Dragon would be different. For better in a way you could rely on him for a long long time.

A month had now come and gone. Things were still no different within the first month, Serim and Heeseung still did their things around the house, The Dragon still visited on days they were away. You could feel yourself becoming comfortable with a life like this, even after you would give birth to your child.

But all of that would come crashing down very soon.

That early afternoon, like any other day Serim and Heeseung went out to town. Who better to get a visit from while they’re away? None other than The Dragon. 

That afternoon you decided to make something he had never eaten before. You later found out there was a wide variety of things he had never eaten before in his life. In the end you chose cookies, something simple and didn’t need too much time to work on.

After spending a long hour cooking and prepping the cookie dough you were ready to bake them. But before you could even put the cut out shapes in the oven, The Dragon spoke out.

“He’s coming.”

Your fingers went numb at his words. Pan clattering to the floor as you realized who he was. “You’re not serious are you!?” You slowly began to panic. How did he find you so soon? There wasn’t enough time to pack and relocate, not to mention Serim and Heeseung were still out.

“I can sense his mana. He’s around 10 miles out. God, he’s releasing his mana like a wild animal.” The Dragon couldn’t help but cover up his nose—depsite there being no specific scent.

“What about Serim and Heeseung where are they?” You tugged onto his arm, panic soon finding you.

“They’re still in the town. But Jay will most likely run into them first by the time they’re finished. Unless they spot him as they’re leaving.”

You began to pace in circles, unsure of what to do. You had to wait for Serim and Heeseung, you couldn’t just leave them alone in a situation like this. Fleeing on your own was simply out of the question.

“Everything will be fine. Don’t worry.”

“How can you say that! He’s using me for some ulterior motive. I can’t let him take me back.” 

The Dragon studied you, trying his best to console the anxiety rising in you. “Do you trust me?”

His golden eyes stared into yours. Of course you trusted him, but you were more afraid of Jay than trusting his words. But there was nothing else you could do, so trusting him would be the only option for you. Thinking it over you nodded your head.

“When those two come back, just follow their lead. It’s too late for you to pack things and leave. He’ll find you as you're fleeing, so they’re going to think of something else instead.”

“But!”

“Everyhting will be fine. I promise you that.”

You didn’t want to agree with his plans but still ended up doing so. An hour had soon gone by and The Dragon soon dismissed himself, telling you that Serim and Heeseung were quickly making their way to the cabin.

Right on queue the two of them burst into the cabin, foreheads drenched in sweat as they frantically ran to you.

“My Lady, you need to hide!” Serim panicked as she held your hands tightly.

“We saw Jay and his expedition in the town, they finally made their way here. And I’m sure they’re gonna find information about this cabin.”

You tried your best to stay calm for the both of them but you grew more frightened as they went on.

“There’s no time to leave, so we must hide you.” 

“There’s a wardrobe closest in the upstairs room! We can hide her behind the clothes!” Serim was quick on her as always. Soon she quickly led you up the stairs.

Opening up the wardrobe doors she helped you get settled in, making sure you were comfortable and settled into the wooden closet.

“My Lady. No matter what happens, stay here.” Her voice was laced with uncertainty, unsure of what would truly befall her and Heeseung. You watched as Serim closed the doors, submerging you into darkness.

The wardrobe was somewhat cramped, but you mustered through it for the sack of Jay not finding you. Hugging your knees tightly you prayed he wouldn’t even find this place to begin with. You prayed no one would sell out information on Serim or Heeseung. You just wished things would be alright in the end.

There was only a mere fifteen minutes of silence until the sound of things shattering were heard downstairs. It was all muffled in the wardrobe, but you knew the gods didn’t answer your prayers this time.

The drowned out sounds of yelling and pleading sent chills down your spine, frightened of what was happening to  them downstairs. You could only hug yourself tighter as you remembered Serim’s words.

Then there was silence again. Your racing heart began to slow down. You let out a breath of relief thinking it was over, now waiting for Serim to come find you.

But the recognizable sound of shifting armor freezes you. Jay had found you. There was no running, no escaping, no one else to help. This was it, and you would now have to accept that.

The armored footsteps closed in on you until they stopped. He was just right outside the wardrobe’s doors. Hands over your mouth as you tried to hide any noise that could seep out to the outside.

But to your dismay, the doors swung right open. 

The light of the room blinding you from the initial darkness. You continued to hug yourself—too sacred to even spare a look towards Jay.

Yet as you sat in that wardrobe body trembling with unease. Jay looked at you shocked, fear forming into his eyes as he watched your body—huddled up into a defensive ball—in front of him.

He had finally found you, however, you were trembling before him. Scared to face the man you once showed unlimited affection too. 

“Y/N…”

The sound of his voice ringing through the room only caused more distress for you. Not wanting to show yourself to him even if he called out for you. 

Jay was utterly heartbroken. Where did everything go wrong? 

Unable to handle anymore of what he was seeing he pulled you out from the wardrobe. Everything flashed before you in a blur. One moment you were tucked away in the wardrobe and then the next you were in Jay’s arms.

Realizing this you began to hit and slap at his chest, wishing to be as far away from him as possible.

“I’m sorry!” Jay shouted as he held you tighter. 

Your hands stopped in place, hearing the way his voice cracked as he called out to you. “Let go of me!” You began to fight out of his grasp.

“Please Y/N. It’s not what you think it is. Please just let me explain myself!” 

There was desperation in his voice—earnestly wanting you to give me just a moment. You calmed down as you thought it over to yourself. Then you remembered The Dragon’s words, he said everything would be fine. Was this what he was referring to?

You stopped your attacks on him, hands resting on his chest as you waited for him. Noticing the way you stopped, Jay loosened his hold on you. Letting you go he guided you to the bed—instructing you to sit down.

Following his lead you sat down—eyes never daring to look at his. Kneeling in front of you, Jay wanted to settle his hand on yours, comfort you in any way he could. But as he saw your reluctance to meet his gaze, he knew there was no point. “I’m not using you like you think I am…”

You still ignored him, not wishing to give him the satisfaction of a response to his words.

“The Emperor, my brother. He. He’s not as good as you think he is. He threatened something important to me. I want to tell you what that is, I won’t hide that from you. But I need you to understand why I did it…”

His frown only grew more at your silence. Taking a deep breath before telling you everything. What he shared with you was the same thing The Dragon did. How his birth into the world was nothing but an act of a hideous monster. But what really shocked you was something you didn’t expect. “My mother. She’s alive Y/N. My brother says she’s in a state of limbo, teetering between life and death. What was I supposed to do? I had never met the woman who nurtured me with as much love as she did.” His voice began to crack as he continued on. “I tried. I tried so hard to stall everything, not wanting to bring that fate onto you. You didn’t deserve it, not when you are so full of love and pureness. I couldn’t allow myself to taint you.”

Jay stopped his words, gathering himself to finish off. “Then he found out. He found out we faked our marriage night. You were nowhere near pregnant. He knew about it, and once again threatened her. Out of anything in this world, using our child for his gain was all he wanted. And I hated myself that night for choosing my mother over you. I wanted to choose you no matter what, but... I’m sorry Y/N.”

Now Jay was crying, tears leaving his eyes as he poured his heart out to you. You couldn’t believe your ears. All this time he never wanted to follow along to what he was told to do. He tried his best to keep you safe from The Emperor, all while the life of his mother was on the line. 

Your shaky hands reached out to cup his face, urging his teary eyes to look at you. 

The sight of those silver eyes pooled with tears tugged at your heart. This whole time he had been suffering all alone. In hopes to protect the people he cared for as best as he could.

“Oh Jay.” Your thumb wiped a tear away at the corner of his eye—soothing his emotional state as best as you could.

“Oh Jay.”

Was all you could say as you continued to rub at his cheeks. After a minute or so he calmed down.

“I’m sorry.” Was all he could say on repeat. Muttering apologies as it still ate away at him.

“It’s okay. I’ve forgiven you Jay. I just. I was scared and didn’t know what to do so I ran. I’m the one who should apologize. Not you. I’m sorry.” 

His eyes bore into yours, hand reaching up to your cheek to rub gentle circles before leaning in. His lips met onto yours, it was soft and gentle, no lustful desire behind it. Just a man who missed the woman he loves.

Separating from the kiss he placed pecks along your cheeks and lips, showcasing how much he had missed you within the past month. Then as you studied Jay’s face that’s when you noticed his dark circles. 

“Jay! When was the last time you slept?”

He shied away from the question—brows lowering like a scolded puppy. All you did was pout at him, urging him to tell you the truth. “Last time I slept was when we shared a bed for the last time…”

Processing his words, did you realize that was almost a month ago. Standing up quickly you pulled Jay from up from the ground. “You need to sleep!” You ordered as you tried to push him onto the bed.

But his suit of armor stopped him in place—the piece weighing far too much for you. “Let me fix everything downstairs. You just wait here.” 

Tilting your head at his words you recalled Serim and Heeseung still being within the house. Allowing him to walk downstairs you heard some commotion before he was soon back in front of you.

“Is everything alright?”

“Yes. Your maid, Serim and Heeseung are okay. I sent the troop of knights with me outside. I wish to sleep now.” Jay began to strip his armor off as he made his way back to you and the bed. 

Now clad in the normal clothes he wore under his armor. His hand immediately found your waist—satisfaction etching into his lips at how everything felt right again—before pulling you onto the bed with him.

It wasn’t as big as the bed in the Velpark castle, but Jay didn’t mind. As long as he was here with you in his arms any size of bed would do just fine. Once he had you in his arms, he was out like a light. Head resting against your chest as he draped his arms tightly over your waist. 

You weren’t tired as of yet due to the time of day, but knew you’d be off to sleep in no time. Laying there you stroked his hair while humming a lullaby your mother had taught you as a child. Even though the song was for Jay you ended up drifting off to sleep as well.

In the middle of the late night Jay woke up—eyes peering up at you—slipping out from your grasp he sat on the edge of the bed, watching intently as you slept. As you rolled over he noticed red marks on your neck. 

Pulling the collar back he recognized the marks right away, they were the things he last left on your body. Recalling your healing capabilities there was only one cause for this. The child growing inside of you.

His hand lowered down to your stomach—as it transformed into something monstrous, the enlarged hand turned his skin night blue, aligned with scales and sharp claws. Part of him hated the being inside of you for draining away your life force, but as he felt the gentle hum of the baby's mana, he no longer hated it.

“Take this instead of hurting your mother. She’s precious to me as well, so behave.” The hand that rested on your stomach glowed a light blue hue, wisps of mana entering into you—easing the growing child.

As his hand returned to normal, Jay tucked a stray hair away from your face. Capturing the beauty of your face so diligently. 

“My love, I must take care of something very important. I wish I could stay to tell you when you awaken. But this is of the utmost importance for a better future. Forgive me for leaving you like this.” He cooed whilst leaving a kiss on your forehead.

Placing his armor back on, Jay made his way out the room and outside. Finding Jungwon’s tent he woke up his best friend. Still as sleep eyed as usual Jungwon was awake and ready to listen to Jay.

“I’m going to take a small group of soldiers and end all of this once and for all.”

“Your Grace. You don’t mean.”

“Yes. It’s about time I allow myself the ability of freedom without the cost of anyone’s life. You stay here with the rest of the nights and look after her. I’m entrusting everything to you Jungwon.”

Jungwon nodded his head as he bowed to him. What he set out to do was something that would have him gone for months, so long that by the time he arrived back you would most likely be giving birth. “I will protect her with my life.”

“Thank you.”

With that Jay had departed ways from the cabin. Off on a quest with no set notion of when he would be back. 

That morning you woke up to an empty bed, confused about where Jay was, you went downstairs to look for him. But to your dismay he wasn’t there, only Jungwon. You asked him immediately where Jay was.

Jungwon was honest with you. He told you about the quest he needed to fulfill, not just for himself but you as well. Curious on what he was speaking of, he told you everything.

You thought of many possibilities, but the one you heard had you conflicted. Jay went to kill The Emperor, his own brother.

Even if the idea of it all startled you, you understood why he did it. If there was going to be a world where you could create a happy family with Jay and live with him for the rest of your life, this was the only way.

That night, just like you did all those years ago when Jay was sent off to war. You prayed for him. Prayed for his safety to return home safe to you this time around.

Soon the second month passed. You hoped for Jay to come back within the next month, but he still didn’t arrive. Then as the third month rolled around, so did the fourth. You were now showing—your stomach slightly round as the child grew.

The Saintess’ season came to an end. The colorful green leaves turned into an orange hue, indicating its morphing into the cold winter again. Only a week later would Seathal have its first snow fall since The Saintess season.

At the same time The Dragon stopped showing up, you knew it was due to Jungwon and the castle’s fellow knights being around all the time. Despite that, you still ended up missing him. You had long finished the flower crown you started three months ago, preserving it as best as you could to give to him.

Then as the fifth month came by, you began to discuss baby names. Huddled up by the fireplace, Serim loved doing this with you in her free time, so did Jungwon and Heeseung—enjoying coming up with random names that would suit a child resembling you and Jay. There were plenty of girl and boys names you both liked, but none of them called out to you.

Yunjin came to live with you all in the seventh month, seeing that you were nearing the months of giving birth. She was happy to see you healthy and well. She was also surprised to see how big your stomach had gotten—since the last time she saw you was half a year ago. 

Not long after Yunjin was now joining in on helping with baby names. She was really versatile in the names she knew. Some being originated from different countries, or even created on her own. Her input of names helped broaden the variety greatly. 

It was now eight months since you ran away from the Velpark castle, and seven months since Jay left. You could feel the baby kick about, part of you was curious on how normal the pregnancy felt—well whatever was deemed normal for pregnancies. There was no child of yours murdering you yet, or maybe it didn’t happen yet cause the child wasn’t ready.

As you sat outside thinking to yourself about these things while watching the snow fall you could see a blurred figure in the distance. Your heart raced as you hoped for who you wished it to be. And as the figure came closer into the clearing, your legs had a mind of its own. 

Standing up you began to walk towards the figure, the piles of snow slowing you down, but that didn’t matter to you. He was home now, you were sure of it. 

As the mysterious figure closed in, they jumped off the horse. Rushing your way in a desperate sprint to reach you. Through the white smudges of snow you saw him, Jay. Your pace quickened, already yearning to have him hold you within his arms.

The snow was far too packed high as you ran through you almost tripped, but was caught by the person you missed most during the long hard months.

“Jay!”

He hugged you tightly, head lowered to the top of your head as he took in all of you. Missing your warmth, the way you smelled, your voice. Everything that was you he missed so much. Now here he was finally back with you, where everything always felt right.

Your hands gripped onto the edge collar of his armor, tugging it down as you crashed your lips onto his. For all the months you waited and waited you began to worry, fearing he didn’t win his internal war. But here he was, his lips on yours showing he was alive and well.

Parting ways your foreheads met in unison, taking in each other's presence. “I missed you so much.” Jay whispered as he left a peck on your lips.

Soon there were voices calling for you, the two of you turned your heads to see all the commotion. There in the entrance way of the cabin stood Jungwon, Serim, Heeseung, and Yunjin. All welcoming Jay home whilst also wanting you both to come inside.

There was lots of catching up to do. You wanted to hear everything that happened, especially wishing to know more about his mother. But before anyone could ask questions, something had dripped between your legs. 

Wondering what it was you looked down to see a puddle of water at the base of your feet. You stared at Serim then everyone else. In a surge of panic the cabin turned into chaos as everyone ushered you upstairs. Yunjin had informed you your water broke, meaning the baby was on the way.

Your body tensed at her words, growing afraid of what Jay and even The Dragon had discussed with you. As you were escorted to the bed, Yunjin demanded only Serim and Jay stayed up here. Serim helped settle you down, making sure to angle pillows for your comfort as you laid down. 

Jay was right next to you as he held your hand tightly, his mind thinking the same as you. Wondering if this would be the end of a family he wished to have or the start of an endless love he was allowed to keep. 

Hours went by as you sat on the bed, contractions hurting like no tomorrow. The pain was unbearable, back throbbing harshly as every contraction rippled through you. Unable to take the pain anymore you passed out. 

As you opened your eyes you were greeted not with the ceiling of the room in the house, but of a clear blue sky with the accompaniment of white clouds. Sitting up you looked round at your surroundings, a grassy green hill that swayed along with the brush of the wind’s breeze.

Realizing you were underneath some sort of shade, you looked behind to see a large elm tree, its beautiful yellow leaves swaying in the wind.

“You’re awake.”

Your head turned to the unfamiliar voice. Standing—more so flaoting—before you was a beautiful lady. She wore white dress that flowed on its own—as if the wind didn't need to pick up the delicate fabric. Her hair was a bright golden color, resembling the leaves hanging from the tree, and her eyes were as blue as the sky above.

“Who are you?”

The woman giggled. Amused by your lack of knowledge. “You know who I am silly. I’m a part of you.”

Then it dawned on you. “The Saintess?”

“Correct!” 

You watched as she floated about the ground, happy that you were able to recognize her off of her singular hint. 

“Why am I here?” 

Propping a finger to her chin she thought of how to explain the situation. “Well you’re currently giving birth. And that child inside of you was seeming a bit feisty. But I can’t have my precious daughter go through such pain, so I’m here to give you a piece of my holy power.”

You stared at her in confusion, trying to piece the words she said together. “You’re saying your holy power can save me?”

“Yes. More so, it’ll numb the little one's dragon mana, making it so you're birthing a normal baby.”

“But why me?!” So many questions rang in your head as things went on.

“Well, you helped out an important friend of mine. Besides I was always going to come get you my child. You are my favorite one out of that big family line of yours.” The Saintess made her way over to you, closing in the gap that separated you both.

“Now I’d love to chat more, but you have people waiting for you. And time doesn't really flow the same here versus out there.” She held both of your cheeks in her delicate palms before lowering your head down a bit.

“Say hi to him for me.”

With her final words, she kissed your forehead. Then in a flash of light—closing your eyes—you could hear the faint crying. It was the sound of a baby, that’s what it was right? Straining to open your eyes, you were met with the cutest face you had ever seen. 

Cheeks so chubby you could pinch them all day. The top of the baby’s head had a light dusting of hair that resembled yours. “Is this?”

Jay right at your side answered you. “Yes it is. This is our new baby girl.”

“She’s beautiful.” Your eyes watered at the sight of her. Round little face with rosy cheeks. This was your child, this was your little girl.

“Did you figure out a name for her while I was away?” Jay questioned as his finger reached out to rub your daughter’s tiny cheek.

“I had one in mind.”

The rest of the day was spent with you resting in bed, as well as many congratulations and wishes to see the new born child. Almost everyone in the house catered to your every need, making sure you were comfortable, well fed, Serim even took on watching the baby as you rested. Their generosity warmed your heart plenty.

As soon as night rolled around you felt perfectly fine, realizing that The Saintess didn’t lie about giving you a piece of her powers. While you were pregnant you felt as if you were growing weaker by the second, but now you were feeling as energized as ever. 

Jay was tuckered out in the chair posted by the bed, worn out from helping everyone out and attending to your daughter. Crawling out of the bed you made your way down the stairs. You noticed everyone else sleeping in the seating area, all arranged in the most uncomfortable positions. One person was missing, which was Serim who you assumed was in the first floor room with your baby.

Laughing to yourself you picked up a discarded blanket and made your way to the door. Spotting the flower crown you made settled on the wall you took it with you. Opening up the door you walked out into the chilled winter night—making sure to close it behind you. Making your way to where the forest started you held the crown tight in your cold hands.

“I know you’re out there.” You spoke softly as you stared into the woods. Between the trees you saw two glimmering golden eyes. You smiled to yourself as you knew who it belonged too.

“Thank you. I won’t ever forget your kindness towards me. I made this for you a while back, but never got the chance to give it to you.” Showing off the flower crown you settled it down onto the snowy floor. “Also she says hi.”

Was the last thing you said as the door of the cabin opened. “Y/N, what are you doing out here?” Jay questioned tiredness laced in his voice. Rubbing the sleep away as he went up to you, hands placed at the side of your arms—rubbing up and down hoping to warm you up. 

Your head turned to him slightly watching him walk over to you. Turning your head back to the woods you noticed the flower crown was gone from where you left it. You smiled to yourself as you thanked The Dragon one more time in your head. “Stretching my legs.” You turned your body to look at him, admiring the sleepy look he had on—truly unfit for a dragonborn like him. “Lets head back inside.”

“Wait.” Jay halted you as he began to wake up. “I need to give you something.”

You watched as Jay fished through his pants, earnestly trying to find something. Jay’s brows quirked as he got ahold of what he was looking for. Pulling his hand from his pocket he gestured the closed fist to you. “I forgot to give you this when I left.” 

Opening his hand, there in the center of his palm was your wedding ring. After all this time you had forgotten that you left it behind. There were times when you noticed how empty your ring finger felt, but chose to ignore it. Not wanting to be reminded of him. But as Jay stood there with your wedding ring in his you felt your heart swell with so many emotions. 

“I know our meeting wasn’t natural and was arranged for a different motive. But Y/N, you’ve taught me that I, a dragonborn, am able to learn what love is in this world. My whole life I viewed myself as a monster. But you? You make me feel human.”

“Jay…” 

You knew there were some shared emotions between you and him. But they were never discussed, especially with the fact of you both already being married. Standing here hearing him profess the feeling you made him feel, felt as if you were falling in love with him all over again.

“I love you Y/N, and I promise to take care of you and our daughter for the rest of my life.”

“I love you too Jay. It was always you, since the first day I learned of my families’ shared past. There was something that drew me to you. And I’m happy that I get to be with you as well for the rest of my life.”

Without another second to waste, Jay slid the ring back onto its rightful home. Finger finding its way under your chin—he raised your head—giving you a gentle kiss. He couldn’t but smile into the kiss, feeling happy about the future for once in his life.

Parting lips you both couldn’t help but giggle to one another as you made your way back inside of the cabin.

EPILOGUE:

It had been three years since everything. Soon after you gave birth to your daughter did you move back to the Velpark castle. Despite being gone for so long nothing really changed in particular. Nothing except for Jay’s position in High Society.

He was still deemed a Duke and owned the Seathal territory—which is ideally his birthright. But instead Jay was no longer The Emperor’s dog. Before killing his brother, Jay had found out many years ago—during the time of the war—The Emperor had a secret brother. 

The brother in question was related to The Emperor by blood, but was only his half brother. Jay kept this as a secret for many years to use against The Emperor, which thankfully ended up working. After performing a coup d'etat in those seven months he was away, The Emperor’s half brother was reinstated as the new ruler of Decelis Kingdom. You found out later on that the new Emperor was named Sunghoon. 

Sunghoon was grateful in the aid for his spot back on the throne and promised Jay a long life of luxury within Seathal and with his family. And the biggest thing that came out of it was something just as important to Jay than you and your daughter.

“Mama, mama! Are we going to see grandma now?” Your three year old daughter tugged at your dress, while she watched you get ready.

Gently laughing at her antics you proceeded to pick her up—settling her on your lap. “Yes my sweetheart we are. Are you all ready?” 

“Yes I am!” She beamed as she faced you.

Her hair was styled in two little ponytails paired with two pink bows in her hair. She was dressed in the same pattern as you. Her dress of course, having more frills for a cute princess look. The maid tending to you, finished your hair and makeup motioning to you that she finished.

“Now. Let’s go find papa!” Sitting up from the cushioned seat you still held on tight to your daughter as you made your way out of the bedroom, heading down the hall to Jay’s office. 

After returning back to the castle you were able to use your gifted holy powers to help save Jay’s mother. Seeing him hug the woman he never had a moment to grow with shattered but also mended your heart in a way you never knew was possible. It felt right seeing Jay feel human for once in his twenty three years of living.

Once he reestablished her from the palace, he gave his mother her own section of the castle where she would live out her life. It was nice having his mother around, she loved your daughter and she especially adored you.

With the addition of new people you also lost some of your close friends. Nothing bad happened to them per se, they just moved on and started a family. The friends in question were Serim and Heeseung. Not long after coming back to the castle Heeseung proposed to Serim.

Now that the two of them were married they were given the chance to leave the castle. Of course this saddened you, you would be separated from your best friend. But it wouldn’t all be for naught, since later that year the two of them would have their first kid. With that they would visit very often for playdates between your daughter and their child.

Finally making your way to the office you could hear faint chatter inside. Heading inside you saw Jay sitting at his desk doing some work, while his mother chatted along with Jungwon. 

“Grandma!” Hearing your daughter’s excitement you quickly set her down, allowing her to run straight to her. 

You smiled at the shared giggled between Jay’s mother, Jungwon and your daughter. You stood there watching them play around so happily and freely. Smitten with the scene before you, you didn’t hear Jay walk up behind you. 

The feeling of his hand settling on the back of your neck startled you slightly. Jay couldn’t help but laugh recalling a memory at the beginning of your marriage. Proceeding on from your neck his fingers began to play with your hair—twilring the strands between his fingers.

“I’ve been thinking. It’s been three years since the little one. Thoughts on having another mini us run around?”

“Hmm. Let me ponder on it and I’ll let you know.”

Jay chuckled at your response, knowing deep down for the both of you there would be a possibility of a second child very soon.

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©myjjongie 2025

[littlefluu]

I couldn't stop. Like for real. I couldn't. I read all of this knowing fully that I woud probably need like an hour and a half and would have to work longer cause I clocked out to read this. It was so worth it. Omg. I have yet to read the Manhwa, but I will. If it's just half as good as this fic? I'll probably read it in one go. I am just such a sucker for historical fiction. Ugh. The way this was written just scratched an itch I didn't know needed to be scratched. I did feel the desire to hit Jay's brother in the face, tho. Bitch. I kinda did get the feeling that we might get another part with Heeseung and Serim 👉👈 (Pls dear author!!! Even if it takes half a year, their story would be so interesting to read 🥹) All in all 10/10 can recommend!! Lots of Love, Patty

[myjjongie]

THE DRAGON AND THE LADY ── PARK JONGSEONG

SYNOPSIS ⸝⸝⸝ from the day you were able to understand the things around you, you were relentlessly told about the long lineage of your family's history. being blood tied to a saintess—hand picked by the gods. you learned everything there was to learn. from the great start of the saintess and the dragon's alliance, to their inevitable downfall. you learned all of it. soon earning your parents strict instructions to never socialize with the dragon of your generation. yet now here you were standing at an altar, face to face with him—jay. all for the emperor's will of wishing you to bear jay's child.

WORD COUNT ∿ 42k

PAIRING ∿ dragonborn!jay x noble lady!fem reader

GENRE/WARNINGS ∿ marriage of convenience, love at first sight, pregnancy trope, runaway trope, angst, violence, mentions of blood, slight slow burn (jay wants the damn cookie), sexual tension, smut MDNI; oral (f. receiving), masturbation (m & f), slight breeding kink, unprotected sex, slight overstimulation - if i forgot any sorry

EVIE'S NOTE ˚. ᵎᵎ one whole month later and we’re finally here !!! FIRST this was HEAVILY inspired by the manhwa "It Was Just a Contractual Marriage". SECOND, this is my first ever long fic and its insane to me that i was truly able to cook up over 40k+ words (i am so sorry OMG). it did take a bit for the release of "the dragon and the lady" but i really hope the wait was well worth it. i also want to thank @heejamas @yeonmuse and @hoonieyun for being my proofreaders in this long process of a fic (and @heesmiles for proofing my smut :3). their support means so much to me and truly kept me inspired the whole time. time to sleep like a (barely) normal person again :3. i really hope you all enjoy this fic (aka my newborn child). MWAH <3

Your whole life, you were taught the upbringing of your family’s history. You lived by it. Learned from it. The family history had all started from a woman. Yet she wasn’t just someone ordinary. She was deemed a saintess. The Saintess—handpicked by the gods. Chosen to help, aid, and lead. As she went on spreading her wisdom and solace to the people. The saintess soon met an unfamiliar being—a dragon. 

The mystical being was unlike anything she had seen before. Eyes colored like gold that quietly held the lowering sun in its eyes, scales that glistened like obsidian whether in the sun or moonlight. Then when the dragon morphed into a human, it was shown to have midnight hair that swept across the floor, with a build that of an adult man, all while still having those piercing golden eyes. The Saintess soon became intrigued by this being. Her only wish was to form a friendship—a connection. The Dragon happily accepted her offer, hoping to learn more about the humans that shared the world with him.

But soon The Saintess would be betrayed by The Dragon. It was said he hurt the people around The Saintess, going as far as burning down the things important to her. From then on The Dragon was sworn to never be forgiven so long as The Saintess willed it. As The Saintess’ kin expanded, so did The Dragon’s. As the children of The Saintess grew older and bore children of their own, the blessing bestowed by the gods withered away. With it, they were now regular humans that walked along the earth. 

While learning your family’s history, you were strictly told to never converse with the dragon, look at him, or ever be near him. You didn’t understand why your parents stressed on it. Maybe it was the fact you were the first girl born to the family in centuries. Even then it was a consistent reminder at every social gathering. Even so, you never once saw the infamous dragon.

That was until the year of your debutante. 

There he stood, in the middle of the ballroom—glued to the Emperor’s side. Plastered in iron armor from shoulder to toe, accompanied with a black cape which dragged across the floor. As you studied him you took note of the intricate sword securely sheathed at his side. Just like the story, the dragon had midnight hair. But his eyes were a different color—from a distance they looked to be silver, but you knew it held more than that. Even if you couldn’t talk about the dragon, you knew of him. 

Said to be both the Emperor’s war dog, as well as his adoptive brother. You heard many things that were whispered amongst the maids at home. 

“I heard he won a whole war without even needing an army to back him up!” One maid stated. 

“Well I heard he’s killed over thousands and thousands of men! On and off the battlefield!” Another maid chimed in.

You didn’t remember much of what the maids gossiped over or chatted about in truth. But every time you heard the fleeting giggles and whispers of his name, you were quick to eavesdrop. Not caring if what was said about him was negative or positive. You truly wanted to learn more about him. Part of you felt connected to him. Perhaps it was the way you grew up listening about the family history. Or maybe it was the insistent discipline from your father and mother to stay away from him. Despite all of that you grew curious of him.

Soon your ears perked at the mere exchange of his name echoing amongst the chatter. Head turning slightly to catch a peripheral view of him. Even underneath all the heavy armor you knew his build was strong, his height clearly showed for that, since he was many inches taller than the Emperor.

Your body gently jolted at the firm hand suddenly placed on your shoulder. “Y/N sweetheart I was calling out for you.” It was your father. “The Emperor wishes to congratulate you on your coming of age.” lips turning into a soft smile.

“Sorry Father. I was lost in thought for a mere moment.” Flashing an apologetic smile.

“It’s okay sweetheart, let’s not keep His Majesty waiting.”

Placing your hand on his forearm, you both made your way to the two special guests. You could feel your father tense up as you neared the Emperor and dragon. It was your first time being face to face with the man you were forbidden to see. Of course your overly protective father would be stressed in this scenario.

“If it isn’t the lady of the hour!” 

As you approached the Emperor, a smile spread across your lips. Your steps stopped, fingers grabbing the outer layer of your intricately designed dress, curtseying before greeting him. “Greetings to the empire’s sun.” As you rose back up, your fingers still held onto the silk fabric—waiting for the Emperor to dismiss you.

“I can’t believe you’re already seventeen Y/N. I remember you being only five years old, as if it was just yesterday! You have truly grown into a beautiful young lady!” As the Emperor spoke proudly your body eased—knowing you were able to speak rather comfortably with him.

“Your Majesty, thank you for the sweet words.” Your soft smile unwavering. “I’m very thankful for your help in setting up my debutante. I am truly lucky having His Majesty lend a helping hand.” 

As your father, The Emperor, and you conversed a little more, The Emperor’s words were cut short. “My. Where are my manners? I haven’t even introduced you to my dear brother.” His hand gestured the dragon forth.

Your head tilted up. Finally face to face with the man you heard so much about since the moment you first heard of his name. You were finally looking at Jay. It would have been a lie if you denied not knowing his name. Of course you knew it. Your parents may have forbid any mention in front of them and you, but that didn’t stop the hushed talks within the manor. From the first day you heard his name, you made sure to memorize it—him—like a memoir. 

“Y/N I would love for you to meet my brother Jay. I’m sure you’ve heard many things about him?”

A gentle laugh left your lips, readying yourself to lie in front of your father and Emperor. “No, not that I am aware of. My apologies for that.” Hand placed on your chest, you slightly bowed— feigning forgiveness. “It’s alright. Your lineage is indeed connected to The Saintess, so of course your father wouldn’t let you hear things about Jay.” The Emperor laughed. Chuckling at how serious your parents took The Saintess’ will.

“I’m so sorry Your Majesty. I pray that this act of parental care did not offend you.” Your father’s voice came off troubled, bowing in submission—fretting that he committed a horrible sin.

“Raise your head my dear friend. I am not offended in the slightest. Your deep adoration for your daughter is admirable. Don’t stress too much over it. Instead, may these two greet one another?” The Emperor placed his hand on your father’s shoulder, making sure to reassure his rising anxiety.

A light sigh left your father’s lips, happy to know the family wasn’t going to face the emperor’s wrath. Your father’s hand was firm on your upper back, gently ushering you to talk to Jay. Even if he seemed confident, deep down you knew how much he hated the idea of this. Taking the push, you warmly spoke. “It’s nice to formally meet you, Your Grace.” Curtseying once more. 

You felt nervous for some reason. Was it from finally meeting Jay in person, or could it have been the mana of his dragon powers—feeling like a lingering ghost against your skin. Your head craned up, waiting for his reply back. All you got was a gentle nod of his head, paired with a disinterested look. 

“Come on now Jay, give the young lady a response. Don’t just nod your head.” 

The addition of The Emperor’s words made you probe the interaction more. Was Jay unsatisfied with you? Was there something you did to displease him? Your soft smile faltered at the growing questions bubbling in your mind. 

“My apologies lady Y/N. It’s nice to meet you as well.” Jay lowered his head, bowing politely all while extending a hand to you. 

You felt hesitant to take it, already worried your presence alone was unsatisfactory. Yet once your hand was in his, it was almost as if a missing puzzle piece fell into its correct spot. The touch of armor on your skin was cold—soothing in a way. It felt as if your hand in his was right in the world. Your eyes flickered up to Jay’s face, finally taking the moment to study every feature on him. 

The first thing you noticed was the tinge of blue tucked into the depths of his eyes. Ever so lightly replicating the deep blue sea engulfed by sea foam. A gentle laugh verberated in your chest. Finding it amusing you were right about him—even if it was just his eyes. 

Jay’s head tilted slightly—unnoticed to the people around him. He found your hushed laugh sweet, wishing to hear more of it. Then his thoughts paused. Fist tightening as he remembered his place in the world. Even if he was curious about you, at the end of the day you were The Saintess’ kin. No amount of persuading within himself would make him pursue more than just watching you from where he stood. 

Noticing your hand still placed awkwardly in his. Jay leaned down, leaving a gentle peck of his lips against the back of your petite hand. Your face flushed at the sudden contact. It was indeed customary for men to kiss the hand of the woman they greeted. But you truly didn’t think Jay would do so. 

Suddenly your father cleared his throat—pretty loudly. The unexpected sound made you draw your hand away from Jay’s. Once your hand was away from his you turned to look at your father. While you looked away, Jay stared at the cold armor encasing his hand. He may not have felt the warmth of your hand directly. But that didn’t mean he missed the heavy weight of your hand in his. 

Looking at your father, you noticed the expression he gave. Almost as if he was signaling for you to finish up your interaction with Jay. Not wanting to stress out your father anymore than you already had, you turned back to Jay.

Finger tips grabbing the sides of your dress you bowed down. “It was very nice meeting you, Your Grace. But I believe my father wishes for me to head back with him.” Once finishing your sentence did you stand back up to face Jay.

“It was nice meeting you as well My Lady. Congratulations on your debut.” 

The corner of your lips lightly raised at his words. Giving one last curtsey, you turned to head back with your father. As you left, Jay’s eyes didn't look away from you—unsure of when he would truly see you face to face again.

“I see you had an enjoyable time talking to the girl.” The Emperor spoke—mocking evident in his tone. 

Jay’s head turned to glare at the man, displeased with how he referred to you. “Now. Don’t give me that look. You truly didn’t think I wouldn’t notice the clear enjoyment on your stoic face?” This time letting out a scoff. Jay turned away from The Emperor, unwilling to give him the reaction he wanted.

As The Emperor walked in front of Jay he spoke one last time. “But fret not my dear brother. You’ll see her again soon enough.” As Jay listened to his brother, his eyes landed back onto you. Watching you from the other side of the ballroom, brows furrowing as his words sank in. Jay knew something terrible was being planned.

With the ending of your debutante, years went by. Throughout the years you attended many more social gatherings. Within those gatherings you began to instinctively look for Jay. Eyes darting around looking for that familiar shade of black hair. But to your avail, there was no luck. Jay never showed up to any other social gathering since your debut. 

You soon found out he was sent to fight in a war after your debut, finally understanding his new lack of absence in society. Once hearing about the new information you stopped looking for him at the parties. Instead all you would do was pray for his safety. Every night as your hands were clasped together, you stood outside at your balcony asking the gods to look after his safety. 

You didn’t know why you did it. All you knew was if your parents found you praying for Jay’s safety, they surely would’ve died from shock. Even if your parents kept up the pretense of hating and disliking Jay due to his dragon origins. That didn’t stop you from wanting to care about his well being. You continued this new formed habit for the next year, before you would receive news that would truly change the path of your life.

Once Jay arrived back from war he was immediately told to have an audience with his brother. As much as he wished to ignore it and him, The Emperor was very insistent on wanting to speak to Jay. Making his way through the castle halls—followed by the echoing sound of heavy armor rattling with every step—Jay tugged the suffocating helmet from his head. Forehead still drenched in sweat from the long horseback ride to the kingdom. Now at the door of the audience chamber, Jay took one look at himself. He was still covered in blood. An annoyed sigh left his lips knowing his brother was going to surely lecture him about his appearance. 

Pushing through the heavy double doors himself, Jay made his way to stand before his brother. “Greetings to the Empire’s sun.” Jay’s voice was calm, yet held irritation behind it. Jay stood tall, hands behind his back—preparing himself for the conversation. As Jay prepared himself, The Emperor sat at the head of the room. Slouching slightly in his throne chair, eyes not leaving Jay for a single moment.

“My dear dear brother you’re finally back from the war. What has it been? Around five years or so?” The Emperor mocked. “You couldn’t have cleaned off the blood before you got here?” He complained while plugging his nose. 

“Well brother. You insisted I meet you right away to talk.” Jay retorted.

The Emperor sighed out. “Well it doesn’t matter. The thing I want to talk about with you is brief anyways.”

Jay’s fists curled tighter into his armored hands, a habit he created to not outwardly show his emotions. “And what was it you wish to tell me?”

The Emperor sat himself up on his throne. Preparing himself for the reaction his so-called dear brother would give him. “Well. I am arranging for you to marry that girl related to The Saintess.” A wicked smile now splayed across his face, truly amused with the twisted emotions coming across Jay’s face.

“Well in truth, the main reason for your arrangement is that I want you to have a child with her.”

Jay’s eyes widened, not with acceptance and joy, but that of unwillingness. Why would his brother do such a thing? His brother knew fully well of the circumstances within your family. There was no way imaginable they would agree to this arrangement. Your parents marrying their pure innocent daughter over to a monster like him? Then on top of that, having a child with you. It was ridiculous.

“I refuse.” As Jay answered, his voice came off more hoarse, more demanding and firm. This would be the first time in his life that Jay would refuse something his brother had commanded.

An amused laugh left The Emperor’s lips. “See I knew you’d say that. That’s why I’m gonna tell you something very important. So important that you truly won’t be able to refuse this arrangement.”

This time Jay let out a chuckle, believing his brother’s words to be one big bluff. “Then tell me. What type of information do you have that would ever make me say yes to this ridiculous plan of yours?”

“It pertains to your mother Jay.”

“What are you even saying? My mother died when she gave birth to me! You are my brother by title, so how dare you mention her like this!” Jay’s voice rose the more he spoke. Feeling his temper rise at the situation.

“To be truthful now. Your mother has been alive this whole time.” Jay’s face changed within the second. Brows furrowing at the thought of his mother—in which he never met since birth—being alive this whole time. “You see, after she gave birth to you some magicians of mine were able to keep her stable. So at the very moment she’s in this limbo of life and death. Essentially her death is controlled by me if we’re gonna be honest.” 

There it was again, that sly smile, The Emperor knew he truly had Jay in the palm of his hand yet again. While he gloated in satisfaction, Jay still stood there—bewilderment twisting into his facial features. “This. It can’t be true…”

“Why are you doing this, why her? Why need another monstrous child?!” Jay’s voice grew louder, all while his mind became engulfed with chaos.

A scoff echoed through the room. “That ridiculous family has finally birthed a daughter after only birthing sons for centuries. And while you are here alive and well why not take advantage of this chance? A child mixed with the blood of a Saintess and a Dragon born, don’t you think that would be exceptional for me?”

Jay stood there, not wanting to believe a single word. He always knew The Emperor was not as kind and gentle as he showed off, but this. This was nothing more than pure evil. “I know, I know. The sudden news is hard to accept. But if you ever want to meet your mother you know what needs to happen. How about you think on it. Okay?”

Jay thought about his brother’s words, the situation he was now being ushered into. Even if the dragon wasn’t raised by his mother, he always felt some sort of affectionate attachment to her. Hoping those emotions alone would soothe his misery of what he is. As Jay turned his body, The Emperor spoke one final time. 

“You know what will happen if you refuse Jay. So truly think wisely about this choice.” 

With those final words, Jay trudged his way out of the audience chamber. Pushing open the doors more meekly as the exchangement of words sank in. The walk to his room was one big blur, mind disoriented and filled with pros and cons on the marriage arrangement. 

Once inside Jay closed the doors behind him. As he stood there armor clad hands pressed against the wooden door, he couldn't help but feel defeated. Soon his hand curled into a fist, then with one swift motion Jay landed a punch onto the door. The contact of armor echoing throughout the room. 

“This can’t.” Jay sighed out. Truly not knowing what to do now. 

If there was one thing Jay knew for certain, was that you would die. 

While the children of The Saintess were blessed with her holy power. The Dragon’s kin were foretold to be cursed. From the moment they are born into the world they emerge from their mother’s stomach. Essentially killing the mother not even seconds after birth. Of course the newborn doesn’t wish to kill its only true source of nurture and love. But that was the price to pay for being the kin of The Dragon.

Yet his mother was somehow saved—even if it meant her being trapped in a limbo for the rest of her life—but that revelation wouldn’t teeter Jay from the truth. 

You were still weak and fragile. How could you possibly carry a dragon born in your body, especially for nine months? From the moment he first laid his eyes upon you he felt his whole world light up in a way he never knew could be possible. Even if five years had gone by he still remembered your face, the way you softly laughed that night, and even the comforting weight of your smaller hand in his. 

Jay felt an emotion for you he couldn’t quite pinpoint. It couldn’t have been love, for someone like him didn’t deserve to feel that luxurious emotion. Instead Jay deemed this new found feeling as obsession. Yes that’s what it was, the reason why you were on his mind those 5 years he spent fighting in the war. He couldn’t forget the way your hair framed your alluring face, or the way your gentle doe-like eyes started into him.

Jay was just enamored with the sole idea of you. But now with the new arrangement, this unwarranted obsession would in truth be harder to control. And deep down Jay wasn’t sure if he could accept that.

While Jay struggled with his new found information you were just as conflicted as well. That evening of hearing the news, your mother came into your room—panic evident in her voice. “My darling you must get dressed and come with me to your father’s office.” 

You sat in the seating area, book in hand. Your head shot up at the sudden disturbance of your mother. “Mother, what are you talking about?” Placing the now closed book in your lap.

“Just get dressed and we can talk about it when we’re with your father.” Your mother was surely hiding something. Yet your confused demeanor didn’t let you think too much on the matter. 

Before you could ask for your maid—Serim—to come in, your mother beat you to it. Serim was someone entrusted to you for the past couple of years. She was around your age, just a couple years older than you. Her hair was a light brunette color, accompanied with hazel eyes to match. Pulling yourself up from the cushioned chair. You proceeded to stand in front of the full body tri fold mirror. Arms out at your side, waiting for Serim to help undress you. 

Serim was quick with her work, she always had been. Efficient with styling your hair to match your attire. And Serim had achieved that once again. There you stood, hair done up in a half up-half down, paired with a casual cream colored dress with long sleeves. 

“There you are, My Lady. All done!” Serim stood to the side, allowing you to bask in your reflection. Even if Serim helped you with countless beautiful looks, she was still always happy with her finished work. 

You turned to smile at her, showing your utmost loyal appreciation for her. “Thank you Serim. You always know how to help and dress me up.”

“Oh please My Lady, you’re too kind!” 

Before you and Serim could go on more with your shared compliments, your mother was quick to stop you. “As much as I would love to sit and listen. Y/N, I really need you to come with me to your father’s office.” You quickly became quiet. “Oh, yes mother. My apologies.”

Your mother didn’t reply back—her attention focused more on meeting with your father. The walk to his office was quiet, yet oddly rushed. What was so important your mother showed clear stress towards the matter? “Mother is everything alright?” Questioning her, maybe even hoping she’d be willing to speak early on the matter. Instead you were ignored, her mind truly being only focused on the three of you speaking together. 

Finally making it to the office, the servants at the door pushed open the large doors to let you both inside. Now inside, it was only the three of you. You stood there beginning to feel awkward, your father sat at his desk—hands clamped together while his brows knitted into a tense expression. For your mother, she immediately made her way to the seating area, slouching into the couch—which was very unladylike of her.

After seeing this you knew there was something terribly wrong. “Mother. Father. What is it that is plaguing your mind so terribly at the moment?” Your voice broke the chilling silence. “Y/N.” A deep sigh left your father’s lips. “My sweetheart, please sit down.” You still stood there confused, taking a few seconds before making your way to sit down. Pulling out the seat in front of your father, you gracefully sat yourself to face him. “Father, please. What is going on? You and Mother are worrying me.” “Y/N, I. We.” Your father breathed in heavily, finding the words within himself—yet he still struggled to speak. 

After what felt like many minutes—which in truth was merely one minute—your father spoke. “We received a letter from the royal palace. More so, from The Emperor himself.” His words faded off. Your head tilted in confusion.

“What could truly be the problem? Our family has backed up the royal family for many centuries. What could His Majesty have said in his letter that has shaken you up like this?”

Soon you could hear the faint hicks and sobs from your mother, head frantically turning. Did the family do something to make His Majesty upset? What could there have been for your mother to now start crying. She was the type of lady to never show her inner emotions outwardly—unless she was by herself or with Father alone. Turning back to look at your father, his face looked paler than a few seconds ago. “Please! What is going on with the both of you? I’m starting to get scared.”

“My love! Just tell her already. I can’t let this go on for any longer!” Choked sobs left your mother this time around. 

You could hear your father gulp, before he spoke. “The Emperor. His Majesty has arranged you to marry His Grace. Duke of Seathal, Jay Velpark.”

You sat there stunned. If there was one thing The Emperor knew about our family it would be the legend of The Saintess. Not only did His Majesty know of it, but so did everyone in the empire. So why would he pair you both together? “Surely, you can deny this request? His Majesty knows about our story, The Saintess’ legend. Why would he even entertain that idea?” A wretched laugh leaving your lips. 

“We can’t deny his request.” “What do you mean? He may be the emperor, but his word is not always law…” Truthfully you didn’t hate the idea of being betrothed to Jay, in a way it excited you. Getting this rare opportunity to see him for the rest of your life was surely uncalled for. But as you watched your parents wallow in their own despair, you began to feel guilty. How dare you find excitement in His Majesty’s arrangement, while your parents were suffering in front of you.

“His Majesty. He stamped it with the Imperial seal.” Your father’s head lowering deeper into his hands.

“No, that. He wouldn’t?” Everything now dawned on you. The reason why your parents looked so defeated and heartbroken. The Imperial seal was a stamp strictly used for important orders that couldn't be denied. The stamp was an insured demand to agree—denying the seal would lead to immediate execution.

You always thought The Emperor was kind and caring. Yet he stamped the Imperial seal on this request. No. His demand, knowing fully well your parents wouldn’t deny it. You sat there perplexed, unknowing on what to do or even say at this point. All you could do was accept it, for putting up a fight would just be utterly meaningless.

“Your wedding is going to be held next month. During this time you will immediately go into etiquette training-”

“Wait Father. I’ve already learned most of my etiquette growing up. What else is there for me to know?”

“Y/N. You are to be marrying the Duke, that would soon make you a Duchess. You would need to learn both more etiquette and proper training to govern His Grace’s land.”

In truth, you had forgotten Jay was a Duke. Growing up viewing him as The Dragon’s kin, it had slipped past your mind that he was given the title of Duke. As well as a land of his own to govern and care for. Seathal was said to be a territory of land constantly veiled in snow. A land shrouded in winter almost all year long.

Long ago before the tale of The Saintess and Dragon, Jay’s territory was said to be a land full of lush greenery. Filled to the brim with fields full of flowers—ranging from all kinds one could think of. Next to the capital of that land was a sea port, reasons for how Seathal got its name. The port was widely known for its exotic trades and abundance of goods from all around the world. 

But when The Dragon parted ways with The Saintess, he made Seathal his new home. Very soon encasing the town in an eternal winter. Yet for some odd reason, every year around the time of The Saintess’ birthday, Seathal became a bit warmer, more liveable. Subtle flowers blooming in various places, accompanied with fruits and crops sporadically growing across the town. This strange phenomenon only lasts for four months.

The townspeople viewed The Saintess highly for this, deeming the strange break in the season to be an act of pity. They were grateful for her blessing, but that didn’t mean they hated The Dragon as well. 

Another key factor about Seathal was its frequent monster attacks. Due to The Dragon marking that place as his new found territory. Monster attacks lessened—they still happened—but the people were protected regardless. As much as some people wanted to hate The Dragon and his kin, they couldn’t deny the sole reason they still stood was due to that mystical being. 

Anchoring yourself back to the conversation you looked at your father—truly bewildered. This was a lot of responsibility being thrown at you. Being just a young noble lady belonging to a fairly normal household, you were soon to become a Duchess—essentially overnight. Your life would be flipped, unaware if this was gonna be for better or for worse.

“I know this is all very shocking to you my dear. You can head back up to your room if you’d wish to do so.” All your father could do was look at you somberly. Tears daring to leave his eyes. Your father always held himself up strongly—the same as your mother—so for him to almost cry. You could barely begin to understand how much this was affecting the both of them.

“I’ll be heading off to my room then.” Your voice came off weak and dejected, the changing future now settling within you.

As you stood up from the seat you were engulfed in a hug—it was your mother. Faint sobbing leaving her lips as her embrace tightened. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” You hugged her back just as tight. You didn’t know what to feel, part of you was satisfied with this outcome of a marriage partner. But on the other end, you hated seeing your parents feel defeated. They felt like they were betraying The Saintess, you knew that, but there was truly nothing else that could be done now.

Soon you were relieved from your mother’s hug, shaky hands cupping your face, truly taking in the moment of everything. Bidding your mother and father a good night you headed to your room, feet dragging as you walked along the carpeted halls. Making it to your room, you were greeted with a cheerful Serim. Yet once she saw the look on your face did her own smile drastically change as well.

After undressing and settling in bed did you muster up the courage to tell Serim everything. From being arranged to marry Jay to the arrangement being a royal decree, you told her everything. Serim was silent. Then she spoke.

“My Lady, I will go with you to Seathal.”

You shot up from the bed, shocked at her words. “Serim please, I didn’t tell you this so you felt obliged to come with me. I only wanted to tell you cause I thought you should-” Your words were cut off.

“My Lady, I wish to go with you so that I can still serve you by your side. Not that I feel obligated or am told to do so. This is something I truly wish to do.” There it was, that gentle smile Serim always held.

That was one of the things you found comfort in over the years you spent with her. You could feel your eyes water up, truly feeling grateful to have Serim in your life. “Thank you so much Serim. Truly, your loyalty means everything to me. Not as a noble lady, but as someone that views you as my friend.” Your arms opened up to hug her, face burying into her chest in an attempt to cover up your soon tear stained face.

Her embrace was just as strong, if not tighter than your own. “My. My Lady!” Serim sobbed out, her words cut short, truly feeling that she was unable to explain her deep sincerity towards you. Soon enough your room was engulfed in shared cries and sobs.

Pulling away from Serim you rubbed your tear stained face feeling a little bit better about things. You looked ahead to see her face drenched in tears and a runny nose, you let out a little laugh. “Here, take this and start heading off to bed.” Opening the drawer in your bedside, you retrieved a handkerchief. Taking Serim’s hand you placed the cloth in hers.

“Thank you so much My Lady, it means a lot.” Gratefully taking the handkerchief she began to wipe away her tears and snot.

“I will head off to bed then. Sleep well, My Lady. I’m always here if you need someone to talk to. Please remember that. I may be your maid first, but your well being is more important to me than you know.” Standing up and stuffing the cloth in her dress.

“Thank you again Serim, you sleep well as well.” You gave a smile in return. You watched as Serim bowed before turning to leave.

Once the doors to your bedroom had closed a deep sigh left your chest. Tilting your head back slightly you stared at the ceiling above you. Thinking things over in your head, you turned to get up from your bed. Standing up from the mattress, you head over to the edge of the bed to grab your robe. Tightly wrapping it around yourself you made your way to the balcony.

Pushing open the balcony doors you were immediately met with the chill air of the night. Closing your eyes to bask in it, you made your way to the railing. Placing your hands on the marble rails you stared off into the starry night above. The color instantly reminding you of him, the night sky always did. It was funny how the color of the night sky above reflected the same color of Jay’s hair, maybe that was one of the reasons why you began to miss him over the past five years.

As you stood there for a couple minutes you soon clasped your hands together. Head lowering a little, you were preparing to pray. But this time it wasn’t a prayer for Jay’s safety. No. This was a prayer for your family, for Serim. For you. You prayed to the gods that no matter what happens, that from here on out things would surely be okay.

The next month went by in a flash. During the first week you were introduced to your new etiquette classes, as well as being measured for your wedding dress. In the second week you were taught all there is to know about Seathal and its laws. The third week felt less busy, only focusing once more on your etiquette. Then came the last week of the month, probably the most struggling week you had in a very long time.

The beginning of the final week started off with finishing preparations for your wedding dress. Then you were sent to the palace, staying there in the meantime—since that was where the wedding would take place. 

It took you a couple nights to become adjusted, not doing well in the new room. You never had a single problem sleeping anywhere before. But for some odd reason, when it came to the palace, you couldn’t sleep a wink. Serim was there with you the whole way, finding out remedies to help you sleep. Even going as far as to bother the royal doctor to cook up something for you. It was truly a miracle you managed to sleep soundly the night before your wedding without needing anything to help.

That night as you fell asleep, you stared at the wedding dress. Beautifully propped up across the room—the faint moonlight shining down on the ivory fabric. You truly couldn’t believe it. The wedding with Jay was tomorrow. Your heart raced in your chest—a mild feeling of anxiety eating away at you. A sigh left your lips as you tossed and turned in the bed, before closing your eyes for the night.

That morning was extremely hectic, maids and servants were constantly running about. All desperate to get you prepared in time for the ceremony. Everyone was very adamant that you were to sit back and relax. You could barely even relax to begin with, for it was the day of your wedding. You thought of many things to help soothe your growing anxiety, humming a lullaby your mother sang to you, remembering fond times you spent with your father, or the social gatherings you attend with your friends. But all of it didn’t help, if anything it made you feel worse. 

Later that evening you were finally done. Your wedding dress was a gorgeous ivory color, faintly resembling the color of a white lily. Your hair was in an intricate half braid, paired with a small crown and matching ivory veil. You couldn’t believe it was truly you in the mirror, you had looked so different with a wedding dress on. In a way you felt nostalgic.

Soon Serim called for you—she would help escort you to the wedding hall. Once joining arms with her, you made your way down the castle halls. Bouquet now in hand, breathing in and out deep breaths.

“Are you nervous?” Your head turned to look at Serim, head tilted at you in curiosity.

You let out a slight laugh. “Honestly, I don't know how to feel Serim. Do I feel happy for the fact I’ll now be a wife. Or do I feel upset for my parents who didn’t ever want something like this to happen?” You turned away from Serim, still confused on the swirling emotions in your chest. It felt as if water and oil were swishing around, unable to mix and blend well together. Only causing a great deal of discomfort instead.

“Well My Lady, if I could add. What do you feel most when you think of marrying His Grace?” Serim had stopped her steps, simultaneously bringing you to a halt as well. You turned over to her, taking her question into true consideration.

“I. I feel excited about it. For as long as I remember there was a connection I felt with His Grace. Maybe it was because of our connected story, or maybe it was something less than that. All I know is that I don’t feel opposed to this. I’m ready for this new chapter in my life!”

“Then lead by that My Lady, your parents only feel this way cause they deeply and truly care for you, but don’t let those emotions hinder you from how you want to feel.” As Serim finished her words a solemn smile formed. Her other hand placed on top of your interlinked arm—reassuring you in any way she could.

“Serim, here I am thanking you a second time. When I myself have done nothing in return for you.” 

“Don’t thank me My Lady, your happiness and smile is what is truly important to me. Keep doing that and I am more than satisfied.” 

You wanted to trample Serim into a hug at that very moment, but knew it was unjust—especially regarding where you were headed. You kept a mental reminder to do so on this action later. You gave Serim’s hand one last tight squeeze, paired with a thankful smile before making your way to the hall.

Making your way to the wedding hall doors, you were greeted by your father. This time around he had a more bittersweet expression. Proud to see his daughter finally marry, but saddened for who his daughter would be married too. But instead of making it about himself, he truly smiled all to make you feel better.

“Oh my sweetheart, you look beautiful.” He spoke fondly, reaching out a hand for you.

Letting go of Serim you took his hand, giving him a gentle squeeze. “Thank you.” You gave him a quick hug, feeling bittersweet as well. You both turned to face the door, ready for the servants to open the doors.

Before the doors opened your father spoke up softly. “Just know Y/N, no matter what happens. Your mother and I will always love you and will always be here for you.”

You smiled to yourself, head raising as you answered him. “Thank you father.”

With that the doors finally opened. Taking the signal you both proceeded down the aisle. It was a minor wedding, not too grand for many people to come. But also not too underwhelming, for you were marrying The Duke. At the end of the aisle stood Jay. Dressed in an ivory suit to match your dress, it was the first time you had seen him without the iron armor. But it was especially the first time you saw him after the last five years.

You could tell he aged somewhat over the years, fighting in a war for that long would surely age anyone. But the moment he turned to look at you—even if it was slightly briefly—was as if you saw him for the first time again all those years ago. Those silver eyes which held a deep blue at its center, along with his midnight hair you’d spend years comparing the night sky too. A piece of you then found solace in this marriage, even if this was a marriage of convenience for The Emperor. Despite knowing that you truly agreed within yourself to find the positives in this shared life together.

Finally making it down the aisle with your father, he left a quick peck on your cheek. Quickly noting this would be the last time you’d receive affection from your father in a long time. You gave your father a happy smile—one full of warmth and longing.

There you stood, once again face to face with Jay after all these years. You kept your head low, feeling shy now that you were under his gaze. On the other hand Jay was almost losing his mind. He had only ever dreamed of something like this during the five years he was away. Seeing you in a wedding gown, none the less right in front of him. Jay could feel this thread of control breaking, yet seeing you all innocent eyed. He just couldn’t think if you like that.

When he looked at you he couldn’t think of going through with that ridiculous plan. That jerk brother of his was not going to win no matter what. Even if it meant going through the whole marriage not bedding you, Jay would commit to it. As long as it meant The Emperor wouldn’t get his way in the end.

“Today we bring forth a union between two people. One born under The Holy Saintess. While the other under The Mighty Dragon.” The priest soon began his speech, occasionally looking up from the altar—refrring to you both.

As the priest spoke, your eyes slowly looked up at Jay. Despite your eyes being casted by the sheer veil, you were able to see Jay’s eyes stare back into yours. The stare you held with him felt intimate. Almost as if he was staring at more than the outside, it felt like his eyes were looking in. Looking through your soul. 

“As a representative of the Gods above, I approve this marriage of oath between you. Do you, Jay Velpark, take Y/N Marowen to be your wedded wife by oath?”

Jay was quick with his response, his tone cold yet held a faint warmth of affection. “I do.”

“And do you, Y/N Marowen, take Jay Velpark to be your wedded husband by oath?”

Your voice came off strong yet slightly hesitant. “I do.”

“Now you may finalize your vows with a kiss. Please confirm by the Gods that your oath is true.”

After exchanging rings you looked up at Jay, eyes studying him as you waited patiently for him. Jay slightly raised his hand—proceeding his way to kiss you—but in doing so, he saw The Emperor out of the corner of his eye. Seeing him wear a satisfied smile on his face. The memories leading up to this moment flooded by him in a flash, his jaw clenched slightly, still upset at the main cause of it all. 

But when he looked down at you, all of that faded from his mind. Jay truly wished the union between you both happened in a normal sense. Maybe in another timeline of life, he would’ve let himself be in love with you. He wished he was in love with you. Yet he knew he wasn’t deserving of it. 

Getting pulled from his thoughts Jay felt small hands place against his chest. His eyes focused to see you leaning in slowly for the kiss. “They were all waiting I’m so-” Your whisper was cut short, feeling a large hand snake at your waist—tugging you forward.

“We should do this properly at least.” His other hand found its way to your face, cupping your cheek gently as he leaned in.

Jay’s lips on yours felt electric, as if you were missing this touch of physical affection your whole life. The hand that cupped your cheek slowly moved to hold your chin as his lips began to feverishly melt into you. Your hand that was placed at his chest was now clutching his suit in desperation. Your fingers ached at the feeling of Jay’s tongue lick past your lips. This feeling caused a strange sensation to sparkle in you.

Jay began to immerse himself too much into the kiss, truly enjoying the way you clutched his suit—a hopeless tactic to help anchor yourself. Jay knew he needed to end the kiss, but your lips were like a siren’s song beckoning for him. Once his tongue swiped past your lips, he knew he was now in too deep. 

The motion that made Jay stop the kiss was the light feeling of your hand tapping at his chest. Not wishing to give you any discomfort, Jay complied and parted ways. You shyly looked away—frantically catching your breath. Jay turned over to see the small crowd flustered at the scene. Your parents held a shocked expression, while The Emperor found his actions comical. He knew Jay was always infatuated with you. And this moment truly proved his point. 

“I hereby declare the two of you husband and wife. With that we conclude this ceremony.” Declared the priest.

Jay softly sucked his teeth at the dawning realization. He had lost himself into the kiss, into you. But as he looked down at you, seeing your flushed face as you caught your breath. He wanted to kiss you all over again. Without realizing his next movements, Jay pulled you to his side, hand placed possessively at your hip. You looked up at him confused, but he remained unphased—leading you out of the wedding hall.

Once outside the doors Jay left your side, in all honesty you hated it. In the short amount of time you were already used to his larger hand settling on your waist. Serim headed towards you both, greeting Jay first and then running to your side. You felt like you wanted to say something to him, feeling like you wanted to commemorate your marriage with him. But before you could say anything Jay made his way down the hall—leaving you and Serim alone.

For many normal weddings in the Decelis Kingdom it was customary for the bride to move in with the groom right away. But due to the circumstances of Jay being a Duke as well as a member of the royal family, you both had to stay a night in the palace before heading off to Seathal. Once entering your guest room you were immediately changed out of your wedding dress. 

“Serim what else do I have planned for the evening? I thought after the wedding it would be me getting ready to head to Seathal?” You stared at Serim, confusion clear on your face. Intricately watching as she stripped the wedding gown off of your body.

“Well my lady, usually after the first wedding night you must consummate your marriage.” Her tone was a bit flustered as she spoke, after all. She was implying that you would need to bed Jay tonight.

“Wait, that's tonight?!” You stared down at Serim—as she continued her work.

“Uh. Yes My Lady it is.”

Serim finished helping you with your dress—leaving you bare. Turning away she walked over to the wardrobe to grab a specific piece of clothing. “I thought that would happen once I’m with him in Seathal?”

Serim spoke—facing the wardrobe while rummaging about. “Well yes, but since he is a part of the royal family and you are both staying here for one night. You would need to do that duty tonight.”

You stood there stunned, it wasn’t like you were unaware of sex. You knew all about it—almost all about it. From listening to the maids yet again or hearing it from your fellow aristocrat friends. You began to have an idea on what sex was. You weren’t as innocent as meets the eye, but you were indeed still pure. So of course part of you would begin to create nerves on the thought that you were to lose that purity. But at the end of the day, this was now a part of your duty for being a newly married woman.

Serim soon finished up her searching in the wardrobe. Snapping out of your thoughts, you focused on her, wondering what it is she finally found. Noticing the curiosity on your face she pulled the item of clothes in front of her.

In one hand was a somewhat modest set of lingerie, while in the other a faintly sheer robe. You pointed between the both, too surprised to speak. “Surely, I’m not meant…” All Serim could do was lightly nod her head. You let off a soft pout, before accepting the fate of things.

Once dressed Serim helped escort you to Jay’s room. Thank goodness his room wasn’t too far—just around five doors down— it was enough to manage getting there in the get up you were in. Serim knocked on the heavy door, the sound echoing in the silent hall. “Your Grace, Lady Y/N is here.”

There was a silent pause—feeling as if minutes went by—then a response. “She can come in.”

Serim gave you a silent pep talk before pushing the door open for you. The room was poorly lit, curtains covering up the lowering fiery sun. Yet the faint glow of the fireplace allowed some light in the room. Due to the poor lighting it helped ease you, grateful that Jay wouldn’t be able to see the attire you’re in. 

Your eyes scanned the room, soon noticing him near the fireplace. He sat in a single couch stationed in front of the fire, a semi empty wine glass in hand. Jay must have been drinking. As you walked over to him you noticed a circle table perched at his side—half finished wine bottle opened.

“Your Grace?” As you made your way towards him your hand faintly reached out to touch his shoulder, thinking that he didn't hear you walk over to him.

Before your hand could meet his shoulder, a strong grip engulfed your wrist. You looked down to see Jay’s hand tighten—his grasp was firm yet still gentle. The sound of the couch’s chair legs screeching against the floor startled you. Unconsciously you took a step back—frightened by the sudden noise—yet your body was yanked forward. 

You were now at arms length away from Jay, eyes roaming your body as he studied your attire. “I. Uh.” You were hesitant to speak, cheeks flusteredly heating up. 

Jay saw the way your cheeks reddened like budding roses, finding the flustered look amusing. Yet when he saw the outfit you were in. His thread of reasoning was starting to fray again. He couldn't give into his desire to have you, not when he made that promise merely today. Yet as he remained silent you still spoke.

“I was sent here to consummate our marriage, Your Grace.” Jay’s jaw clenched. Imagining the mere idea of you beneath him, gasping for air all with the addition of your sinless eyes covered in tears. He wanted to see it all, do it all.

Jay was quick to dig his nails into his palm, reminding himself of what he told himself. Uncurling his fist, Jay raised his hand to reach for you. His hand began to roam amongst the collar of your robe—slightly pulling it back—eyeing the bare skin that laid beneath it. “You don’t have to refer to me as Your Grace. Just Jay will suffice now.”

The cold feeling of his fingertips left a chill to run down your spine. You didn’t envision Jay as the kind to act overtly affectionately, thinking he would go for it right away. His touch truly was gentle. As his fingertips danced along the fabric—occasionally grazing your skin—you could feel he wanted more. “I’m not sure if I can do that yet. Your Grace.”

Jay exhaled, finding your reluctance to refer to his real name endearing. Yet in all honesty, referring to his formal title was surely the least of his worries. While you both stood there exchanging the few little words you both had, Jay’s hand moved its way up to your neck. Making sure to not harm you, his touch was tentative to you.

His hand slowly made its way to your chin, thumb tucking underneath as he tilted your head up. “In due time I know you can say my name. But I'm sorry Y/N, I don’t think we can consummate our marriage now.” Jay watched as your eyes shifted into a look of confusion. 

He already knew the questions forming in your head. Before you could ask why he answered. “Your body is far too fragile. Remember Y/N I’m a dragon born, you're a human.”

“Yes, I understand that but.” You swallowed back, finding your words. “They’ll check to see if we shared a bed.” 

Admittedly, Jay overlooked that the royal servants would be coming to check in the morning. They wouldn’t take anything for an excuse, especially with his brother breathing down their neck. The servants were sure to conduct a thorough check on the consummation. “We’ll just make them think we did.”

Your head tilted at his words, confused at his implication. Jay noticed your changed expression. Hands leaving your body, he turned away making his way over to the bed. Your eyes watched his every move as he made his way. As Jay sat down on the edge of the mattress, his hand reached out for you.

Like a moth drawn to a flame you aimlessly began to walk to him. You could feel his eyes focus on you, attentive to every step you took. Once again your hand was placed in his. A soft smile formed at the corner of his lips, looking up at you he saw the shy expression you held. If he wanted this plan to be believable Jay needed to know where your heart lied.

“Do you trust me?” Was all he asked.

You were hesitant for a second unsure of how to answer him. Of course you trusted him, but part of you still felt uncertainty. Yet trust was the first thing you needed to give one another. If this would be the first step in creating that, you had to take that step.

Looking into his eyes you nodded your head—implicating a yes. Soon his other hand guided you to sit on his lap. You couldn’t help but immediately tense up at the sudden closeness. “Just relax, I’m not gonna do anything crazy.” His words were low as he whispered in your ear.

The feeling of goosebumps scattered about on your body, finding his warm breath on your ear ticklish. Your hand reached up to your ear, all while instinctively backing up from him. Still his hold was firm, allowing you to be pressed closely to him. Your eyes scanned his face, darting back and forth trying to figure out what he was gonna do. His hand reached up pushing your hair behind your neck. “The only way for them to not question anything is if there’s visible evidence.”

You finally understood what Jay was getting at, if there were visible marks left on your body, there was no way they would question the night. Then you remembered your purity. “But. Your Grace, I’m still a…” Your voice paused—finding the courage to speak. “A virgin... How can we fake that?” Concern laced in your voice.

You saw the way his facial features morphed—thinking of a way to prove your assured loss of purity. “I have an idea. You may not like it though.” His voice was sultry, eyes locked onto your neck as he focused in.

Without any more shared words your neck became occupied. Jay nuzzled into the crook of your neck—simultaneously taking in your scent. The feeling sent an unfamiliar warmth into your hands. That same warmth you felt when he kissed you earlier.

Unable to contain the feeling your hands found its way to his shoulders—firmly holding on hoping to steady yourself. The feeling of something soft—yet warm—soon cascaded across your neck. Was Jay kissing along your neck? 

Your shaky hand let go of his shoulder, soon to be tangled in his dark hair. Jay looked at you from the corner of his eyes, admiring the scrunch in your brows. Feeling satisfaction that his actions were eliciting these reactions out of you. You couldn’t help but bite your lip, the warm tickling sensation eliciting something within you, causing you to hold back. 

Jay continued on with his actions, leaving soft kisses along your neck, all the way up to your ear. He enjoyed the way you would instinctively back up from him, relishing in the way you reacted to these new shared moments with him. 

Not wasting another second Jay began to inflict on his plan. The soft kisses he littered along your neck soon became harsher—yet the sensation didn’t hurt. In between kisses it felt as if he was sucking on your neck, occasionally leaving the feeling of his teeth against your skin. 

You would soon be greeted with the feeling of gentle nibbles every time Jay laid harsher kisses along your neck. As Jay continued onward he felt the way your body tensed as a muffled moan was encased in your mouth. He wished to hear your voice yearn for him, want him, need him, tell him to do more. But Jay knew he would be playing a dangerous game if he pressed on more. 

Finally, Jay’s lips left the nape of your neck. Your fingers left his hair once he pulled away—Jay already missed the absence of your fingers intertwined in his hair. As he pulled back his thoughts were interrupted, quickly admiring the marks that cascaded along your neck. Solely concentrated on the red spots complimented by faint pink ones. A satisfied smile creeped into the corner of his lips, yet this wouldn’t be enough. 

“Just one more moment.”

Jay eyed the deep v cut beneath your robe—another clean canvas to work on. Knowing deep down that some marks should at least be there as well. Soon Jay dipped his head down once more. Hand now placed at your lower back, allowing him to lean you back. A soft yelp escaped from you, the sudden movement scaring you. 

Your hands clutched at his loose shirt, fearing that Jay would possibly drop you. “I won’t drop you. Nor will I ever hurt you.” His words whispered against your skin. Something in you fluttered, you couldn’t tell if it was the way your stomach flipped at his words, or your heart beating loudly. You were sure Jay would hear it. Hear the rapid beating of your heart reacting to him.

A quiet whimper slipped past your lips, shocked by the warm sensation of Jay’s lips meeting with your chest. You prayed Jay didn’t hear you, for it felt indecent, especially when it was all an act. Yet despite your prayers he did hear it, he picked up on the way your breath hitched, the rapid beating of your heart, he had heard it all. 

Hearing your gentle whimper only urged Jay to continue. Lips feverishly kissing across your skin once more, paired with slight nibbles with his teeth. As he proceeded more into the action he couldn’t help but dip you lower. Your eyes squeezed tight at the feeling, fingers clutching tighter onto his shirt. 

The feeling of his lips against your skin soon vanished. Yet you were still lowered back, you felt the way his hand softly tightened against you. Slowly opening one eye you saw the way Jay looked at you. 

Eyes seemingly half lidded, full of something, something unspeakable yet also mutual between you both. Before you could say anything, you were now sitting on the plush bed. Your head craned up, noticing that Jay now loomed over you. His movement so quick you didn’t even take a second to process what happened. 

Your head slightly tilted to the side, questioning what he planned to do next. Yet as you sat there wondering about him, Jay’s eyes once more roamed your figure. You sat before him covered in love marks he had given you. He felt himself wanting to tear off the band-aid which held him back. But he wouldn’t. He couldn’t. 

He was satisfied enough knowing he was able to give you the marks that seemingly accompanied your skin. Yet also knowing you were within arms reach for as long as he would live, meant that much more for him. 

“Your Grace?” That gentle voice of yours called out to him. Jay was quick to ground himself back, his bold silver eyes now looking into yours somewhat longingly.

“Sorry. I was momentarily thinking.” 

You nodded your head in understanding, while doing so, Jay took this moment to walk away from you. Your eyes followed him, glued to his back watching his every move. As he walked back to the side table—out of your visibility—picked up something. Once grabbing what he needed Jay headed back to you. You still sat there patiently waiting for him, wondering what he was thinking of doing now. 

Finally stopping in front of you, his hand came up from his side. You watched closely, questioning what was guarded in his hand. As Jay showed the palm of his hand, a gleam of steel flickered for a brief minute. Then as your eyes adjusted to the dim lighting, you noticed what was truly held in his hand.

A dagger.

You quickly noticed the intricate design carved in, the grip of the blade spiraling into one, while the cross-guard encased a red gemstone you had never seen before. A gemstone so deep in color, it faintly reminded you of blood. 

“What is that to be used for Your Grace?” You couldn’t help but ask him with concern laced within your tone. One brow lifting up as you watched attentively. 

Jay now grasped the dagger correctly. To then hover it over the other side of his hand—palm facing up. “For this.” The next scene of events shocked you—your face drained of its color. Your brows instinctively raised in shock, throat running dry as you watched the crimson droplets hit the floor. The color truly matching the gemstone mended into the blade.

“Your Grace! What?! Are you crazy!” Any tone of formality diminished watching Jay clutch his cut up palm—allowing more blood to ooze in his fist. You rushed to stand up—slightly tripping over the fabric of your robe—from where you sat, panic evident in your body language.

All Jay could do was look at you confused whilst you stirred in panic. The cut indeed hurt for him, but it wasn’t as severe as the wounds he collected on the battlefield. In a sense this only felt like a measly paper cut. 

Nevertheless, watching you scramble over yourself in a desperate attempt to aid him, made him feel happy in a way. He knew finding satisfaction in this was wrong, yet watching you run up to him holding onto his arms tightly. It made him feel seemingly important.

“Your Grace! You’re bleeding. I. We.” Your voice was shaky, unable to know what to do in the situation. What you knew you needed most was a handkerchief. Before you could turn away your body was stopped. 

Looking down you saw Jay’s hand holding onto yours—dagger now completely out of view. You craned your head back up to try and read his face, yet you couldn’t. “It’s okay Y/N.” As Jay reassured you, he soon led you back to the bed. 

All you could do now was watch him in confusion, wondering why he was headed back to the bed while he had a cut on his hand. Then as you pieced your questions together you realized his intentions. Jay was to use his blood to make it seem like you lost your purity.

Once in front of the bed, Jay was quick to ruffle up the sheets, making it seem as if within the night you were both intent on exploring one another. In hindsight the rearrangement came off believable, but once Jay dropped his blood on the bed sheet. There was no way the maids would think twice about what happened tonight. 

Taking your focus away from the bed, you turned to look at Jay. “Why didn’t you tell me?” Hand tightening in his grasp.

“I knew you’d be opposed to me being hurt. Instead you would’ve offered yourself.” His words spoke as if he knew you like the front and back of a book. Yet he wasn’t wrong. You wouldn’t have allowed him to hurt himself if it meant hurting himself instead.

“Yes but-”

“I meant it when I said I’d never hurt you. I am sorry for swaying your trust.This was the only way I thought of doing so.” Jay couldn’t help but turn his head away—feeling ashamed of himself.

“Your Grace…” Stepping forward to him, you reached your hand out to him. Softly cupping his cheek, while doing so you turned his head to look at you.

Jay saw the expression you wore, sullen brows written on your face, held together with a slight frown. Even though you looked at him as if you were upset, he knew it was only because you cared for him. Only less than twenty four hours into the marriage. Yet you held a gentle abundance of admiration for him. Jay disliked it. Feeling that he didn’t deserve such emotions catered to him. Even now as he felt that way, he couldn’t help but melt into your touch. Quickly finding solace in your warm touch—despite it feeling so fleeting.

As you studied Jay, your expression softened, accompanied with a sigh. “It’s okay, Your Grace. Just next time. Please tell me, we are now husband and wife after all.” Giving him a soft smile, hoping to ease him.

“Ah. Let me get you something for-”

“It’s fine. The wound will heal on its own.” Jay was quick to cut you off, ready to take care of it himself. 

You ignored his words, whilst holding tight onto his hand. “It won’t be fine. I can help you.” As you spoke your words came off unsure. Not unsure if you could help, but unsure of your holy powers. 

Jay was now raising an eyebrow at you, curious at what your words entailed. Before he could say anything a shining light emerged from his hand. The glow was tiny, yet held so much radiance behind it. Jay had never seen anything like it before. 

Your eyebrows scrunched together reaching for the little bit of holy power you could muster. This was the first time you had ever used your powers on a person, let alone try to use it again. You first discovered these hidden abilities a couple years back—tending to a baby bird that fell from its nest. 

The pure shock while holding the helpless bird helped manifest a flow of holy powers. You never told your parents about what happened, not even Serim. You viewed it as a blessing bestowed by the gods for being The Saintess’ kin, nothing more. Now here you were, healing your dragonborne husband with an ability you thought would never manifest again.

You could feel sweat bead at your forehead, body beginning aching in heat as you pushed yourself harder. You felt yourself soon struggling, yet you took notice of the deep cut slowly closing up. A light smile formed in the corner of your lips at the progress, but as you continued more your body began to grow weaker.

Jay immediately noticed the light emitting in his hand flicker, then the way you swayed to the side. He was quick to hold you, arm wrapped around your waist earnestly steadying you. “You did well. The wound is closed.” 

“Oh. That’s good…” Your words slightly slurred. Soon losing consciousness. 

As your body went limp, Jay held you against him tightly, ensuring you wouldn’t fall to the floor. With one swift movement Jay scooped you into his arms—holding you in a bridal carry. Not wasting another moment Jay made sure to settle you down on the couch. Making sure to be gentle with you while lowering you down. 

Jay watched your sleeping body, taking a moment to look down at his hand. In truth Jay had lied about the cut, there was still a tear, yet it wasn’t as serious as before. It was red but not worse enough to form a scar later on. 

He couldn’t help but plop down on the floor, back pressed against the leather couch. Hands reaching into his midnight hair, mind racing about. It was one thing for you to be related to The Saintess. But now knowing you had powers—even if it was slghtly—was truly another problem. 

One thing Jay knew for certain was that his brother would not find out about your powers. If he did, there was no telling what his next move would be. Jay let out a frustrated sigh, leaning his head back while doing so. The feeling of your hair swept past him took a hold of his attention while he leaned back. He couldn’t help but take a lock of your hair. Fidgeting about, he couldn’t help but twirl your hair between his fingers. 

Eyeing the way your soft hair passed through his fingers with ease, he proceeded on with his actions. Without another thought he brought your lock of hair to his lips, placing a gentle kiss onto it. Yet in that moment he truly wished it was your lips on his instead.

The morning was the same as the day before, chaotic and eventful. You had woken up in the same room as last night, settled into Jay's bed as if you’ve slept there your whole life. You quickly shot up, taking in your surroundings. Memories from last night flooded into your mind. Remembering what you and Jay had done, you quickly peered down at your chest. Where mulitple red marks sprawled all over your chest.

Your face deepened into a red hue, embarrassment creeping up your neck and cheeks. At the time you didn’t think Jay had done much, yes it was a few kisses along your neck and chest. But now looking, it seemed as if you were covered in bug bites.

Quickly closing your sheer robe, you stood up from the bed. You began to head towards the doors—being sure to ignore the mirror on the vanity on your way out. Once making it out of the room you were immediately greeted with Serim.

“My Lady, you woke up  so early. I’m assuming your long night made you restless?” Serim held a concerned yet also sly grin—a teasing tone hinted in her voice.

All you could do was look away from her, hoping to hide your reddening cheeks from her sight. But to your dismay Serim noticed right away—deciding anyway to keep quiet for your sake. The walk to your guest room was silent, Serim held a happy smile whilst you kept yourself lowered.

Once entering the room you were immediately stripped from your night attire. Now dressed into a casual styled silk dress—allowing for more comfort on the way to Seathal—the color was a soft yellow paired with light blue and seafoam green accents. 

As you finished packing up the rest of your things you began to feel excited for the trip to Seathal. Of course you’d miss your parents, but the new journey ahead excited you more. If there was anything, Jay would certainly allow you to write letters to your parents.

Before entering the travel carriage you looked out at the scenery before you. Trees and hills all covered in that luscious green would soon be replaced by the constant cold winter. You knew you wouldn’t hate Seathal, but you were sure about missing the sun beam down on you. As well as the strolls you had through your family’s garden. Those small things would be something you would most likely long for in the future.

“Are you ready to go?” A familiar voice called out to you, you swiftly turned your head to see Jay stand before you. Covered in the armor he always seemed to be wearing. He couldn’t help but reach out for your hair, his armored hand brushing through your hair gently. 

You blushed slightly, finding the way he combed his fingers through your hair to feel endearing. “Oh yes! I’m ready to head out now!” A nervous laugh left your lips as your eyes focused onto Jay. 

A soft chuckle was heard from Jay as he continued to play with your hair. He noticed the way your dress did a great job of hiding the marks he left. A smug smile etched into his lips when he noticed the faint mark under your ear. Feeling satisfied with himself Jay stretched out his hand to you. “Allow me to help you inside.” 

You scrambled about reaching for his hand as you watched him open the carriage door for you. Jay’s grip was firm and comforting as he hoisted you up the step. Seconds later Serim came over, carrying necessities for your comfort. 

You were quick to look through the items she acquired for you. A smile found its way onto Jay’s lips as he watched you both. “I will be heading off soon. Before I leave, let me introduce you to one of my closest knights.” As Jay finished, a man about your age ushered out from behind.

He was about the same height as your husband—a little bit shorter in all honesty—hair the color of freshly ripe strawberries, along with piercing black eyes. The knight was quick to bow before you. “This is Heeseung. He’s someone I trust greatly, but that doesn’t mean you don’t come to me if he has done something wrong.” Jay placed his hand firmly on Heeseung’s shoulder, a reassured reminder to take care of you.

Slightly curtseying you responded. “Hello Sir Heeseung, it’s nice to meet you. Ah let me introduce my personal maid to you, since you both will be working close to me.” As you finished speaking you pulled Serim forward. Serim came off a bit awkward which felt very unlike her. Your head tilted to the side, wondering to yourself why that is. 

Even if it wasn't noticeable you saw something, a faint dust of pink brushing against her cheeks. Was Serim into Heeseung? Serim stuttered on her words as she greeted herself to Heeseung, you turned to the knight hoping to see his reaction. A faint yet obvious smile now on Heeseung’s face. 

You knew later on this would be something to inevitably tease Serim on. Looking over to Jay you gave him a gentle smile—seemingly thanking him. Before Jay left to mount onto his horse his hand raised up to you. The cold feeling of iron sent chills down your arm, yet it was soon becoming something you acquainted yourself with. Not realizing it, you leaned into his touch. Even if it was the feeling of freezing iron, you felt his warmth behind it.

“I’ll come check on you when we travel for a couple hours.” As he spoke you looked up at him, taking in his words earnestly. Within the last twenty four hours, Jay became infatuated with the way you looked at him.

Eyes that held focus solely on him, he knew one day in the future this infatuation for your gaze would become a problem for him. Not that he would find it tiring, but more so of never wanting your gaze to leave him. 

Once his cold touch left your cheek, it soon made you miss his touch. Before leaving you, Jay made sure to flash you a smile. You stood there in between Serim and Heeseung, somewhat beginning to miss your husband.

The carriage ride was comforting. The view of the morning fog setting a calm vibe for the voyage ahead. At every three hour mark you were allowed to get out and stretch your legs. You had never traveled such a long distance, knowing that Jay put in place these minor breaks to help you. In truth it was very helpful. Yet at the same time you found yourself eyeing Jay as he traversed on horseback. Part of you wanted to ride with him, but deemed it to be unnecessary once the thought entered your head.

While you had felt that way, you ended up riding along with Jay soon enough. He was quite perceptive of you truthfully. Jay saw the way you looked out the window, eyes somewhat longing to partake with him—it seemed. Jay made the final decision for you to join him at the next resting point. With that one goal it became a success for him. At first you were reluctant. But in the end you gave way to him.

Now here you were, seated in front of Jay. It wasn’t the first time you rode a horse, but it was indeed the first time you rode with someone else. It was struggling to get used to it at first. Strong arms caged at your side—tightly gripping onto the reigns—whilst your back was pressed into his chest. You felt yourself tense at the mere closeness. 

The ride was silent, the sound of the galloping steps mixed with the carriage and cargo wagon joining in. By now the morning fog had long dispersed, leaving traces of dewdrops along the grass and tree leaves. For a while you said nothing, taking in the scenery as natural as possible. Soon that silence would break.

The familiar sensation of cold iron nearly shocked you off the horse. A small yelp left your mouth, joined in with shaky hands finding their way to the back of your neck. “Sorry. Did I startle you?” Jay spoke up, his tone came off apologetic—fearing he had truly frightened you.

“I wouldn’t say scare... More so surprised me.” You gave off a gentle sigh as you spoke, reassuring that it was of no big deal. “I just noticed, the marks I left are now almost gone.” Jay couldn’t help but rest his hand along the back of your neck. Your hair now pushed to the side, his thumb faintly rubbed against the disappearing bite marks. A chill ran down your body yet again—unaccustomed to the cold touch of his armor.

“For as long as I remember my wounds or any type of marks to my skin end up fading within the day.” Twirling your hair between your fingers, recalling childhood memories.

“Is it because of The Saintess’ holy powers?” 

“Could be. My parents believe so. But we weren’t really sure.” 

Jay’s brows contorted to a dissatisfied look. Unsure of whether he favored the idea that the marks he left on you healed so quickly. There wasn’t a need to be unhappy with it, yet he couldn’t help but feel irritated somehow.

The next hour was filled with small chit chat. Minor conversational pieces shared between you both, an eager need to get to know more about each other. You learned about Jay and The Emperor being brothers in name, while Jay learned about how serious your family took its own history. The conversation felt idle in a sense, but it allowed for you both to view a part of each other you didn’t get to know beforehand. 

At the next resting point, Jay urged for you to ride back in the carriage. It would soon near nightfall, which would prevent the amount of stops within the trip. You didn’t want to leave Jay’s side, but you also didn’t want to be a pain in his side. Complying with his needs you found your way back to the carriage. 

Before leaving Jay was affectionate with you once more. Armored hand stroking your cheek as he took in your appearance. He acted as if he wouldn’t see you for a long time, when in reality it would only be a few hours. Jay had a sense of reasoning that he’d miss you in that short amount of time, when in reality he knew he shouldn’t.

As you trudged back to the carriage you looked back to sneak a glimpse of Jay, sending him a warm smile. Once entering the carriage you were met with Serim fast asleep. Realizing this you made sure to keep your actions quiet. It had surely been a long day of traveling—especially for Serim. Settling back into your seat, you began to feel yourself doze off as well. Before you could realize it, just like Serim you were quickly asleep. 

The gentle whisper of a voice slowly pulled you from your slumber. You recognized that low and firm, yet also kind and tender voice. Your body stirred slightly, unwilling to wake up. Yet as you did so, the voice still softly wished for you to awaken. 

Obliging to the voice you slowly blinked the sleep away. As your eyes focused on the surroundings, you focused on the person in front of you. It was Jay. A soft smile was on his face as he watched you. Arms wrapped at your side to help you out of the carriage. Once pulling you out, Jay carried you on his forearm, his grip strong against your legs as he held you. Your arms wrapped around his neck,  face nuzzling into the crook of his shoulder while the soft breeze of the winter wind chilled you. 

As you snuggled up to Jay, Serim came over carrying a fur coat. Gently draping the coat over you Jay made sure to tuck the coat in tight—making sure it wouldn’t fall off your body. Jay leaned down to your ear, words hushed as he spoke.

“We’ve made it to Seathal.” 

You turned your head to the side slightly—opening one eye—vaguely seeing the view before you. Feeling another gust of wind brush past you, you finally leaned off of Jay. Head now fully turned away from him, your eyes widened to the pure white landscape in front of you. It was unlike anything you had seen before. Distant hills covered in sheets of snow, alongside trees that reflected the snowcapped hills. In the middle of it all was a castle off in the distance, the tips of the roofings snow covered as well. 

Jay watched the way your eyes twinkled, taking in the view before you. He knew that your breath was truly taken away by it all. “You know once you’re all settled in we can go for a walk sometime this week. I’m sure it’ll snow for the next couple of days.” 

Your face turned to him, a beaming smile plastered amongst your lips. “It snows?! I’ve never seen snow before.” You looked at him excitedly, truly unable to anticipate the upcoming days ahead of you.

While entering the city, you joined Jay on his horse once more. As you trotted through the city streets you watched as the streets were full of vendors. Both selling warm food to even selling merchandise that only came from Seathal.

You noticed the way the people enjoyed the cold weather, showing how acclimated they became to it. Many of the people showed happy smiles while they waved to Jay. Warm congratulations on his awaited return back to Seathal. 

The people threw flowers as the traveling party made its way through the street. Occasionally some people would hand flowers to you, all while greeting you with a warm smile. You didn’t expect such a warm welcome from the Seathal people. Their actions truly made you feel at home already.

Finally making it through the castle gates, the traveling party came to a halt. Jay mounted off the horse first, turning to you as his arms were raised out to your sides—readying to carry you down. You happily took his gesture, hands securely placed on his shoulders whilst being lifted off the horse. 

Before you could walk to Serim and Heeseung, Jay’s hand interlaced into yours. “You must be tired from the long journey. Let me show you where your new room will be.” 

You looked up at Jay, feeling unsure to leave without telling Serim at least. As you turned to look her way once more, Serim was now looking back at you. Taking in the sight of your hands laced together, she nodded to you—assuring you it was okay.

As Jay led you along his strides were small, making sure you were able to keep up with him. While walking along Jay walked through the backyard, making his way through the maze of a garden. You couldn’t help but look around at the surroundings. Taking in the intricate design of the garden, paired with the old castle exterior. 

“This pathway isn’t the usual way to the bedroom. But I thought it would be better to show you this route. It’s a nice walk when you wish for some alone time, or to go out on your own within the castle grounds.” 

Jay explained himself as he walked on, pointing out the different structures within the castle along the way. Once making it inside, he led you through a secluded corridor which led into a grand spiral staircase. The walk up looked long, but due to its seclusion it seemed to be something nice to do once alone. 

As you both made your way up the stairs you noticed open windows placed along the cobble stone walls. It felt like tiny entrance ways into a world beyond the staircase. You couldn’t help but stop at every window—hand long gone from Jay’s grasp—taking a peek at the angles of the now setting sun. Golden rays shining into your eyes every time you peered outside. Jay noticed the way the setting sun’s rays reflected into your eyes, allowing them to change into a color he’d never seen. Jay couldn’t help finding himself becoming smitten with you as time went on.

Finally making it to the top, you both emerged from a painting. The art work was that of what seemed to be Seathal in its spring season. You stood there for a bit, feeling as if you were there within the warm weather. “This is Seathal during The Saintess’ spring season. That’s usually what the people here call it.” Jay noticed the way your eyes were glued onto the painting, feeling the need to tell you more about it.

“I had heard in passing that within one part of the year, Seathal does turn into spring. Despite its usual long winters. I hear it's quite beautiful. Truthfully I can’t wait to witness it.” You turned to Jay, excitement written on your face. Thoughts of Seathal in its spring season exciting you. He couldn’t help but return a smile to you, feeling the same way. He hoped this innocence of enjoyment could last for as long as possible. Hopefully before his brother would demand what he expected most from the marriage. Jay truly wished things would be alright for as long he willed it. 

Making your way past the painting you ended up in a hallway. Only two large double doors leading to a room were at the end of the hall. You immediately assumed it to be your shared bedroom. Jay proceeded on as he opened the bedroom doors. 

As the doors opened you were immediately met with the familiar scent of cedar mixed with hints of vanilla. The very same scent that clung to Jay last night. You felt eerily at ease once taking in his scent, certainly unaware of how much comfort he truly gave you. 

In the middle of the room was a bed, big enough for the both of you to share. As you looked at the bed you thought about how Jay slept alone in something as big as this. It must have felt lonely at times. Continuing on you saw a fireplace, somewhat replicating the room from last night. A lounge couch and an armchair placed near it. Allowing comfort as one stares into the fiery flames in its place.

Deeper inside the room was a desk, positioned to seem forgettable. It must have been where Jay would complete more work even outside of his office. You envisioned quiet nights filled with sitting at the fireplace while he worked at his desk. The thought allowed a smile to appear on your face.

Jay stood near you, beginning the process of removing his armor. “Sorry it's not much. I should’ve had it more decorated to your taste, since we will be sharing this room now.” He spoke while laying the pieces of armor along the larger table within the room.

“No, no. It's okay, I like it as is. It feels very welcoming, believe it or not.”

Jay loosened up, not expecting you to find the gloomy room to feel welcoming of all things. Noticing the change in his posture you couldn't help but laugh. “Besides, the room feels very much like you. Nothing too grand or more of it.” Finishing your sentence did you realize how your words came off.

“I’m sorry that didn’t sound offensive did it? What I’m trying to say is-” Before being able to ramble on, Jay cut off your words. Hand firmly rested on your shoulder—a means of putting you at ease.

Jay let out a low laugh, finding the statement funny. “It’s okay Y/N. I understand what you mean, truthfully Jungwon says the same thing.”

Your head tilted at the new name. Jungwon wasn’t someone you had ever heard of before. “Who’s Jungwon?” Mind already forgetting about the previous conversation.

“Oh Jungwon? He’s my second hand around here. More so my personal aide to say. You’ll meet him tomorrow I’m sure. Besides, you can have a more proper tour of the castle as well.” 

As you listened to Jay speak you failed to hold back the forming yawn. Hand placed over your mouth, eyes faintly squinted as a soft breath left your lips. Blinking away the stray tears in your eyes did you realize your lack of manners. “Your Grace, I’m so sorry for my lack of manners!”

“Don’t worry, we did spend all day traveling to Seathal, when usually it takes around two days.” Jay made sure to reassure you, hand finding its way to your lower back. Once his hand rested on you, he began to lead you to the bed.

“You should rest now. Tomorrow will be another longer day.”

Sitting on the mattress you began to remember your lack of belongings. “But! I don’t have any of my stuff. What am I supposed to sleep in?” Your eyes looked into his, worried about what would need to be done.

All Jay did was stand there and think. Head tilting to the side as he watched your distressed expression. Then he came up with something. “You can sleep in one of my shirts.”

Now you were the one to reflect his reaction, this time holding a flabbergasted look. “Wear your shirt? I simply couldn’t, that would be far too improper.” Your words began to shake at the mere image conjuring in your mind. “It’s alright Y/N, we’re husband and wife. It shouldn't be as improper as you deem it to be.” 

You thought about his words, Jay was indeed right. You both were husband and wife, so wearing his shirt for one night surely can’t be as insane as you deemed it as. “If this is the only option I have. Then I can’t ignore your offer.” 

Giving Jay the go ahead, he made his way over to the other action of the room, there stood a large wardrobe. As Jay opened it up, you saw a decent array of clothes, all in muted colors that fit well with Jay. Rummaging all the way to one side of the wardrobe, he was able to pull out a plain white under shirt. It seemed like the kind that paired well under a doublet, long sleeved with a slight fabric ruffle. With a heavy thud of the doors, Jay came back over to you.

“Here you go.” His hand stretched out to you waiting for you to take the clothing.

“Thank you, Your Grace. I’m gonna change out of my dress. May you please?” You didn’t finish your sentence, hoping Jay would catch on to what it is you implied for him. Taking the hint right away Jay turned away from you quicker than you expected—soon being back to back with each other. 

In the beginning process of stripping your dress off was somewhat easy. But as you came across the intricate corset string, you began to struggle. You anxiously bit your lip, unsure of whether to truly figure it out on your own, or to ask Jay for help. 

It’s not that you didn’t want the help, it was more so the way you stood only in your undergarments. Shoulders barren against the gentle cold of the room, whilst you only had the corset and skirt on. You were quick to remember Jay’s words. You were both now married, not to mention, he definitely saw more of your body last night then what you panicked over at this moment.

Biting the bullet you called out for him. “Jay?” Your voice seemed small—as if it floated off with the breeze of the fleeting wind—he didn’t even notice you calling for him. 

“You called for me?” 

“Yes. I. I’m having a bit of trouble…” You spoke shyly, trying your best to fight back any emotion of embarrassment you mustered. “You can turn around as well.” 

Obliging to your consent Jay turned to face you. Instead of seeing your face—which he very well knew was red by now—he came into sight with your bare shoulders. Your hair swept against your seemingly bareback, the only thing allowing that to not be fully bare was your lingerie. Jay felt like he was in a trance, irrevocably entranced by your bare skin. Pieces of you his hands and mouth hadn’t yet roamed over.

Jay snapped out of his thoughts at hearing your faint voice, cursing at himself for being distracted by something as inconsequential as your bare skin. “What’s the matter?” Jay made sure to force his voice to sound tender, hoping it would hide any ounce of yearning he had for you.

You barely noticed Jay’s internal struggle over you—solely focused on wanting to be freed from the corset. “I can’t untie the string. It seems to be stuck.” You continued to fiddle about with the string—hoping to undo it at that very moment. 

“I see.” Jay’s eyes trailed from your shoulder to your lower back. A smile spread across his face, watching as you fiddled with the tied up string. “Here I got it.” His slender fingers brushed past yours—letting you know he had it handled. 

Drawing your fingers back you immediately clasped them, fidgeting amongst yourself as you waited for Jay to untie the corset. His faint breathing felt ticklish against your back, it sent a slight chill down your arms. Jay now focused on the task at hand, he barely noticed your reactions. 

After—what felt like—multiple minutes later Jay stepped slightly aback. Finally finished with the troubling corset. “There.” As his gaze refixed itself back on your back did he now notice the redness on your shoulders. A clear sign that you were flustered during the interaction.

Jay didn’t dare to have you look at him, afraid of what sultry emotion would take over him. Instead he grasped onto that thinning thread as best as he could, truly reminding himself of what was best for you both. You let out a sigh of relief at the loosening of the corset. Both embarrassed yet also satisfied that you would be able to shed it off. “I’m turning back around now, so continue on with changing.” 

You muttered out a thank you to him, proceeding back to stripping away your outside attire. As you took off the dress skirt, a soft thud echoed within the room. Jay’s jaw clenched faintly at the sound, truly wishing he could take in your form beneath the clothing. But he knew that was too risky to ask for. He made sure to stand tall, doing his due diligence to hide the urges he felt for you.

Once your clothes were finally off your body you picked up his shirt. Getting a thorough look trying to figure out how to put it on. Finally figuring it out you slipped on the fabric effortlessly. The material was smooth, unlike silk it was more dense, surely a shirt that would be very comfortable to sleep in.

Finishing putting the shirt on, you turned to face Jay’s back. Before calling out for him, you noticed his ear had a red tinge to it. Was he flustered by you? You giggled at the thought, finding Jay to be more adorable than he himself let off.

“I’m all set.” Your hand reached for his sleeve, signaling him to turn around and face you.

Turning around Jay took the moment to get a good look at you. Your smaller frame standing before him, clad in his clothes, while your bare legs peeked from below the shirt's fabric. Jay bit the inside of his cheek—feeling something in him rise—he couldn’t help keeping his eyes on you, truly like a moth to a flame.

“Is something the matter, Your Grace?” Slightly tugging again on his sleeve you’d hope to pull him out of whatever trance he was in. “I. No. I’m sorry Y/N. I just remembered I need to grab something for the room. I’m sure you’re gonna need another blanket, since it tends to get cold within the night.” 

Jay’s tone was effortlessly straight, quick to get his words across as if something truly troubled him. You looked at him confused, wondering what had him so heavily bothered. Jay now had your hand in his, guiding you into the bed. Watching as you slipped into the bed, he helped to get you situated. Making sure the pillows were fluffed enough, or that the comforter for the bed would be enough in the meantime.

After an array of yes and no answers you were finally let go from Jay’s worries. Watching as you lay there tucked in comfortably Jay couldn’t help but raise a hand to your head. Stroking your hair both lovingly and caringly. You couldn’t help close your eyes to the heavy feeling of his hand on your head.

Yet when he drew his hand back a frown formed into your lips. Jay saw the change in your expression, he couldn’t help but adore it regardless of everything. “I’ll be back soon.” With that Jay began to make his way out the door. Before he tucked himself through the doors your quiet voice rang within the room. “Good night You Grace. I’m just saying it, in case I’m asleep by the time you’re back.” 

Jay chuckled softly in return. “Good night Y/N.” The loud thud of the door followed behind as he left the room. As you lay there you close your eyes, hoping to open your eyes right away as you feel the morning sun beaming through the curtains. Wishing to explore your new home with Jay. 

While you were being taken away by sleep, Jay only had one thing on his mind, or more so someone. You. All he could think about was the way you stood there before him wearing his attire, that of a helpless deer caught in headlights. The way your eyes looked at him innocently, while all he could think about was wishing to take you right then and there.

Making his way through the hidden door, even proceeding down the staircase, his thoughts wouldn’t stop. Soon enough there was a feeling of heat licking at his core. Stopping dead in his tracks, he peered down. The only thing in that secluded staircase looking back at him was the growing bulge in his pants. 

Jay clicked his tongue in annoyance. The one thing he desperately had to avoid while he was to be around you was his growing lust. His lust wasn’t like an average human. Deep down it all derived from his dragon nature, something he desperately tried to soothe whenever he could. Earlier on in life he found a way to maintain it, that solution being blood lust. 

But here he was, giving into a carnal desire he hoped wouldn’t happen. Combing a hand through his hair a frustrated sigh left his lips. Not believing what he was about to do in this very moment. Leaning against the cobblestone wall, Jay proceeded to make his way to the button of his pants.

Not wasting a single moment, Jay effortlessly set one portion of the restraint on his growing bulge free. The unbuttoned pants relieving the unwanted tightness, Jay couldn’t help letting out a sigh of relief. 

For what followed would be more excruciating for Jay. While his pants weren’t in the way, his briefs were still an issue to be dealt with. Jay bit his lip at the sight of his red tip peaking out from the edge of his briefs—a showcase to how much he was holding back. 

Peeling the briefs down, he was finally able to free his aching cock. An agitated—yet satisfied—moan soon echoed throughout the staircase as he palmed himself. Jay’s brows knitted in annoyance as he began to stroke himself, wondering as to why it didn’t feel as good as he forethought. Then an image of you popped into his head, hips bucking softly at the mere thought of you. 

“Fuck.” Jay cursed under his breath. Now conjuring an image of you in front of him, on your knees assisting him in the relief he needed. His head tilted against the wall, brows furrowed while he imagined your soft voice ringing in his ears whispering sweet nothings to him.

He could see it as clear as day, your soft eyes looking up at him. Earnestly wishing to help him out no matter the cost. As he began to imagine you before him, the grasp on his cock tightened softly. Soon Jay was earnestly thrusting into his hand, doing his best to drag out the day dream he had of you. 

With a few more mixed thrusts and strokes, paired with his shallow breaths—bouncing around him—he could feel himself reaching that high. Then he envisioned the way he would cum in front of you. Parts of his ejaculation finding its way onto your face whilst you knelt before him. Jay undoubtedly saw it all in his head, eyes squinting shut as he lost himself to the mere thought of you. 

With one more desperate stroke Jay stilled himself for a second, allowing his body to relax while he came into his hand. He stood there, staring above—the spiraling stairs looming way above him—asking himself what he had truly done. Tilting his head down, Jay looked at the hand that held his cock, staring coldly at the cum glazed on his palm. He couldn’t help but feel irritated with himself for giving into this human desire.

Fishing a stray handkerchief out of his pocket, Jay diligently wiped the cum from his hand—proceeding to crumple it up in his pocket. Once his hands were wiped clean he began to tidy himself up, pulling his briefs back into place to then button his pants. Finishing up Jay continued to make his way back down the stairs—finding you a blanket like he originally intended when he left.

That morning you were awoken to the sound of drawn curtains, joined in by the morning sun’s rays sticking onto your face. You tossed to the other side, wishing to hide away from the brightness past your closed eyelids. 

“My Lady, you must wake up. His Grace is waiting for you in the dining room for breakfast.” The voice was none other than Serim. You turned over to your original spot, one eye peeking open as you focused your vision onto her. Then her words truly rang in your head.

“I’m up! I’m up!” You shouted jumping out of the bed. Hair strewn about as you stood before Serim.  

Serim giggled at your fast reflexes while ushering over to you. “I see that now. Come on, I have to get you situated.” She quickly led you to a corner of a room you didn’t see last night. It had a vanity as well as a mirror and rack for clothes—which at the moment seemed to be for your attire.

Serim sat you down at the vanity—brush in hand—beginning her daily process of preparing you for the day. Styling up your hair as well as doing your make up, Serim had done it all so swiftly as well in a timely manner. This time she styled your hair in a low half up, while your make up was clean—just a few touch ups for the face.

Finishing at the vanity, you were led to the mirror and clothing rack. You questioned how all your clothes got here, but knew it was most likely during your slumber. Serim busied herself looking for a dress, handpicking through every one deciding whether it was the right mood or not. 

At last Serim landed on a dress, the color would be perfect on you. Making her way back to you she showed the dress to you. You nodded your head at the pick, knowing whatever Serim picked would look good no matter what. 

Once Serim helped with getting you into the dress she stepped away—allowing you to look at yourself. The color was a beautiful muted rose, the hue blending in well with your hair color. The bodice had an intriguing design, cut outs that hung low off your shoulders all adorned with small pearls and jewels. The sleeves were long—meeting all the way to your hands—yet had ribbon sewed through at the wrists for cute detailing. At your waist was an intricate embroidery—the designs intertwining with one another—making your gaze down to the skirt, a subtle bow was below your waist ending into a long sash. The skirt was long, trailing down closely at your sides to slowly bloom out like a flower in spring. The dress was truly perfect.

“This is beautiful Serim. Thank you!” You flashed her a smile, feeling the pure act of generosity from your friend.

“Now let's hurry to join His Grace, I’m positive he’ll find the dress astonishing on you.”

Nodding your head, Serim leads you towards the door with a small pep in her step. Exiting the door a voice startled you. “Good morning, Your Grace.” Your head rapidly turned not only to the unfamiliar voice, but to the name as well. 

Standing next to the door was Heeseung. “Heeseung you nearly shocked me to death.” Hand clasped at your chest hoping to ease your racing heart.

“Your Grace, I am so sorry for the scare. Is there anything I can do?” Heeseung looked between you and Serim, unsure of what to do.

“I’m fine, don’t worry. But why are you referring to me as Your Grace?” Fixing your posture—while faintly straightening out your dress—you looked forward to Heeseung. 

“Well you are the mistress of the castle now. It is only right that I address you as Your Grace.” Heeseung stood firm as he spoke to you—yet slowly began to stress at the situation, fearing he may have spoken out of line. 

Indeed Heeseung was right, you were the mistress of the house. Still it was something you needed to become used to within time of being here. “My apologies Heeseung, you are correct. My mind just had a lapse of awareness so I apologize for the worry I caused for you.” You made sure to smile at him, hoping it would sooth his worries.

Heeseung replied with a simple bow, signaling he understood fully well of your intentions. As the three of you stood about, Serim let out a quick cough—signaling for Heeseung’s attention. Right on queue, Heeseung's face beamed with realization. “Let me lead you to the dining room, Your Grace.” Heeseung gestured his way in front of you, waiting for you to acknowledge that. You lightly curtsied to him which then allowed Heeseung to lead the way, Serim followed in suit behind you.

The walk to the dining room was different compared to the route Jay had led you through last night. You walked through halls adorned in a variety of arts and decorations. Yet one painting in particular stood out to you. In the center of the hall was a portrait of someone. The subject of the painting had midnight hair, as well as silver eyes—with that tinge of blue—you recognized immediately. 

It was a portrait of Jay, but he seemed to look years younger, more so of the age when you met for the first time. Your head tilted slightly as you stared at the painting. Perfectly enamored by the details etched into the canvas, one thing you did notice was the inaccuracy of his eyes. The portrait depicted them as only silver, missing out on that deep shade of blue that simmered in his eyes. 

“His Majesty had this painted a bit before His Grace left for the battlefield.” Heeseung over to you—breaking your concentration.

You turned to see the knight looking fondly at the young version of Jay. “I see. I wondered as to why his younger self seemed so familiar.” Turning back to the painting you took one more good look at it. Slowly beginning to think to yourself, how someone of his age served in a war for five years.

“Shall we proceed on Your Grace?” 

Being shaken out of your thoughts you looked over at Heeseung once more. “Yes, sorry. I must have been lost in thought.” Heeseung simply gave you a nod, finishing your walk to the dining room.

Soon you all made it to the dining room. Once entering through the doors you were truly taken away by how large the room was. A long table decorated with silverware and dishware at every chair, while at the head of the table sat Jay. Next to him was someone you had yet to meet. The younger man had blonde hair—slicked back in a style that showed his forehead. He wore a simple outfit, unlike Jay, who was always dressed for his status.

You now assumed the man next to Jay had to be Jungwon, they did look to be relatively close to one another. Making your way down the trail of the table, you were escorted to sit on the left side of Jay. Serim quick on her feet, pulled out your chair, allowing you to make yourself comfortable. Leaving your side, she made her way to stand next to Heeseung at the door.

Settling into your seat there was already food prepared at your seat. On the main plate was an array of some sausages, eggs, bread and some assortment of vegetables. Besides the food on your plate, the table held cheeses, fruits, more bread, and savory pastries. It truly seemed like an unaverage feast. Too busy studying the spread of food your head turned at the slight pick up of Jay’s voice. 

“Good morning.” Jay spoke aloud as his eyes stared into you, watching your every movement since the moment you came through the door.

“Yes good morning to you too!” Your tone was more chipper as you replied back. 

Jay smiled softly at you, enjoying your happiness so early in the morning. “How did you sleep?” Swiftly asking about your wellbeing.

“I slept really well! I’m sorry that I was asleep before you came back.” A pout formed onto your lips while your words trailed off.

A gentle laugh left Jay as he adored your reaction. “Don’t worry Y/N. When I came back from fetching you the blanket I ended up going to my office afterwards to do some work. I’m just mostly glad you slept well.” 

Your cheeks heated softly, feeling how gentle and caring he was—even if it was just relayed by words. “Thank you so much again, Your Grace.” Looking down at the food you began to pick at it, hoping to hide your rosy cheeks.

Jay rested a hand under his chin as he studied you once more, truly enamored by everything about you. “Must you continue to call me Your Grace Y/N?”

You froze momentarily, almost as if you had something stuck within your throat. “Well. I’m just still nervous, forgive me for not being able to speak your name so freely.” You slightly cowered at the thought to say his name. After all you were nothing more than a noble lady mere days ago, so how could you straight address Jay by his name.

Jay exhaled at your answer, but it wasn’t a sigh filled with annoyance at your words. More so wishing you would be able to refer to his name sooner than later. “Don’t worry, take your time. I just felt like teasing you was all.” You nodded your head in understanding, but more so was embarrassed that all he was doing was simply teasing you. 

The rest of the morning was quiet, but not in an awkward silence, the lack of noise was comforting in a sense. The sound of silverware meeting the ceramic plates every so often. The food was nothing more than fantastic, an array of flavors that all perfectly paired into one. As you continued on with your meal Jay had broken the silence. “Once we’re done. Do you want to explore the castle a bit more?” 

You shot your face up from your food, eyes twinkling with excitement at his question. “Yes, yes, yes! I would really enjoy that!” So overtly excited you didn’t notice your voice raised a bit. Realization dawned on you at hearing Jungwon lightly laugh besides Jay. “Sorry, was I too loud?” Emitting the reaction of lowered dog ears.

Jay still kept his smile as he watched you. “No it’s okay. Jungwon only laughed cause I’m sure he finds you cute.” 

Upon hearing his name, Jungwon almost choked at the exposure of his intentions. “See.” Jay called out as he pointed towards Jungwon. “Take your time, once we’re done we’ll head to certain parts of the castle.”

Once finishing the food Jay was the one to escort you out of your chair. He made sure to ask if everything was to your taste and much more. Of course you had nothing to complain about, everything was perfect as is. 

Leaving the dining room—along with Jungwon, Serim, and Heeseung—you made your way to the library first. Making it inside you were amazed at how large the room was. Ceilings tall enough that the books on the top shelf needed a ladder to gain access too. Jay was sure to let you know that anything within the library was all yours to read and look through. You knew this would be a place you’d frequent for many hours of alone time within the future.

Next was making your way to the gallery hall. There you saw even more portraits, some filled with the scenery of Seathal or that of the previous Dukes who ruled over the territory. It was all so splendid and enjoyable to look at. There were even pieces imported from overseas that occupied the hall. Vases, decorative weapons, statues, art, and many more things you had never seen before in your life. Everything felt like a brand new experience to you.

After the gallery hall you made it to the main garden. A big marble pavilion sat in the middle of it all. You looked at it in awe—at that moment wishing it wasn't winter—thrilled to have tea and eat snacks with Serim, Heeseung, and even Jay. Making it past the pavilion you were shown the flowers that bloomed among the bushes, an assortment of roses, tulips, lilies, and any flower you had become acquainted with while growing up. Despite the cold frigid weather, the flowers flourished well—becoming accustomed to its environment. Jay was sure to ask you what your favorite flower was, implying he would grow an abundance of them outside your shared bedroom. You couldn’t help but melt at the thought of it. Your marriage with Jay may have been forced in a sense, but he was sure to be kind and loving with you. You couldn’t but find that curiosity you felt towards him blossom into something more. Something deeper.

As the sun rested below the horizon, you ended the day in Jay’s office—dinner already having been eaten just a couple hours beforehand. Just like his bedroom, it was simple and decorated to his taste. A desk in front of the two main windows, paired with bookcases aligning the walls. In one portion of the room was a sitting area—mostly used by guests or occasional naps from Jay—two single chairs joined with a lounge couch. In the middle of the couches was a table—used for tea time and simple snacks. 

You sat along the lounge couch, tea in hand as you watched Jay surround himself with unfinished work. Before Jungwon had left for the evening, he exclaimed the work was from after Jay came back from the war. That had explained why there were piles of paperwork surrounding him at his desk. 

Jay had urged that you didn’t need to keep him company, exclaiming he had done this for many years alone. You were quick to dismiss his words, making sure to tell him he wasn’t alone now, that he didn’t have to keep doing this stuff alone any longer. Jay didn’t say much at your words, head burrowed into the paper work. But underneath it all, you spotted the tips of his ears burning red. You giggled to yourself, once more adoring his vulnerable side.

Once you had finished the tea and snacks you dismissed both Serim and Heeseung for the night. Reinforcing that you wished to stay with Jay until he was finished with his work. Serim was reluctant but agreed with what you wanted. You watched your maid and knight leave the room, on the way out seeing Heeseung urge Serim to let him help her with the stuff. You smiled to yourself as you saw them leave through the doors, admiring how close they got over the last two days.

“They seem to be pretty close.” Jay pointed out—nose still deep into his work.

You laughed at his observation, hand resting on your cheek as you remembered their interactions over the past two days. “I’m sure they’re both interested in one another. Heeseung has shown he cares about Serim just as much as he cares for me. Truly a knight worthy of his title.” 

Jay let off an approving laugh, finding your words to be very much true. Finishing up the paper in hand, Jay finally set his quill pen down. “I’m finished for the night. Shall we head to the bedroom?” Jay now looked at you, eyes awaiting for your reply.

“Yes, I’m ready to head in for the night.” 

Standing up from his desk, Jay made his way over to you—hand now stretched out for you to take. Taking your hand in his you couldn’t help but notice how cold his hands felt at first. But as you continued to have your hand interlocked with his, the chill turned into a warmth you began to enjoy.

Making your way to the room Jay had mentioned something to you. “In around two weeks time I have to go on a patrol around the territory. And no you’re not allowed to come with me Y/N.” A frown made its way onto your face upon hearing his words. You wished to see every part of Seathal, even if that meant in and out of the city walls.

“I know you’re not happy about it. But it's for your own safety. The border is infested with monsters that I need to take care of. I just don’t want you to get hurt. I’m sorry.”

Hearing Jay speak words of worry and even an apology made your brows knit into concern. Jay had truly cared deeply about you and was showcasing that no matter what. “I understand. Maybe one day when it’s all cleaned and safe enough you can take me there?”

Jay nodded along with your suggestion. “I hope that can happen soon enough. But while I’m gone I’ll have Jungwon show you the ways of running things while I’m away.”

“I’ll be sure to learn thoughts from him while you’re away.” 

Jay chuckled softly at your commitment. “Good girl.”

Your face immediately flushed at his words, feeling nervous now at the sudden praise he had given you. You turned your head to the side, hoping Jay wouldn’t notice you blushing at his words. Unlike your own worries, Jay was too busy thinking about how to bring up his next set of words. 

“Also, I’m sure you’re still worried about consummating our marriage. Your body is still too weak. I’ll inform the chef to make you foods that will strengthen your health and I’m sure you’ll do a lot of exploring within the next couple of months as well, so your stamina won’t be weak as well.” Jay soon began to ramble on—hoping his words didn’t come off offensive.

You quickly noticed his rambling, being sure to soothe his thoughts right away. “Thank you Jay. Your care for me knows no bounds and I truly appreciate all of it.”

Jay forced a genuine smile at your words. Guilt slowly eating away at him. Yes he did it because he cared deeply for you, but at that same time he knew he would have to fulfill his brother’s demands soon. He just wished that fulfillment would happen in a timeframe where you wouldn’t be so physically weak. Deep down he hoped to stall for as long as he could—keeping safe the one thing he began to deeply care for.

Life within Seathal would begin to feel natural—overall normal. Mornings you would get dressed and readied by Serim. Followed by morning meals with Jay—who was always accompanied by Jungwon. In the afternoon you would either read in the library, learn from Jungwon, or take short walks throughout the cold day. 

Oftentimes it would snow throughout those days. Spending most of those moments sitting beneath the pavilion—blanket huddled around you for warmth—watching the snow fall from the sky. Jay would always join you outside, worried you would become too cold within a couple hours.

By the evening you would always spend time in Jay’s office. Teacup in hand while you watched your husband busy himself with the endless piles of paperwork. Other days you would walk through the castle by yourself, feeling the thrill of excitement as you came across new rooms and areas. Jay always managed to find you when it was time for bed—no matter where you were located.

Soon the days would turn into weeks, then finally came the day Jay was leaving for his patrol around the border. Part of you was saddened at Jay being away for merely four days. Jay could sense that, doing his best, he doted on and comforted you—as a hope to not miss him while he was gone. 

You watched as Jay vanished off into the distance, accompanied by the troop of knights in his stead. You had asked Heeseung why he wasn't going along with them. Heeseung had told you he did join the patrols, but this time was instructed to stay by your side while Jay was gone. 

As a result, the days while Jay was away weren’t as dull. Beforehand you were always accompanied by Serim and Heeseung, yet this time they made it their main job to entertain you as much as they could. Due to that mutual agreement between the both of them, they began to grow closer in time as well. Having witnessed moments of shared whispering or giggling amongst them—their interactions soon became that of more than friends.

The day Jay came back in all honestly felt relieving. In those past days while he was gone, it felt as if you were separated for far more than four days. In his absence you began to miss his presence more than you thought you would. Jay was quick to notice your growing clingyness after he came back. 

As a means to make you feel better he had one of the gardeners plant your favorite flowers in front of the bedroom like he promised. By the end of the day there were blue hyacinths planted in the garden from outside the bedroom. 

“Whenever I’m gone you can always think of me when you look upon those flowers. I found out that blue hyacinths mean loyalty.” His hand played with your hair as he watched you leave your focus on the flowers below. Once hearing what the significant color had meant you couldn’t help to tip toe up to him. Lips meeting with his cheek, even if it was momentarily. “Thank you Your Grace. I love them, truely.” You had begun to fall deeply in love with Jay.

Jay stood there shocked at your forwardness, wishing his lips could be met with yours. But it was the first time you had ever made a move of your own. Not wanting to push you away he held back, instead choosing to savor the affectionate moment between you both. 

As the days turned into weeks, the weeks slowly turned into months. Around the one month mark, Jay began to be more affectionate with you. Occasional kisses along your neck to even gentle touches of intimacy. He was sure to always be gentle and abide by your consent, keeping the promise of his words to never hurt you. As these shared moments between you both increased, you began to wish more from him. Simple kisses, hands grazing along your backside, to fleeting touches between you both. You began to crave for more from him. Yet anytime you brought up your consummation, he was always quick to dismiss it. Earnestly wishing for your health to grow stronger before you could tie that official knot. 

Without even realizing it, five months had gone by, that meant five months living in Seathal. Yet still within those long months Jay needed to go on his patrols. In the beginning you desperately started to miss him, but as it became more frequent you were now looking forward to his return than waiting around like a lost puppy. 

On the days he was away you learned everything there was to your Duchess title. Taking care of work within the city, arranging things in the castle, and many more of your duties. In between those days of learning you’d pick up some hobbies—learning to embroider, piano lessons, and even art lessons. Your favorite part from picking up these hobbies was being able to gift Jay things as well as showing him your progress in your lessons. 

Yet while you had normal days without Jay, the same couldn’t be said for him. 

Jay took on more expeditions to the border than normal, everyone knew it and so did he. In pretense it seemed as if it was him diligently doing his job as the Duke of the land, but in reality it was a means to escape from you. Not because he disliked you or hated you. It was due to his growing lust for you. Jay thought that if he continued to clear the borders from the monsters—killing as much as he could to satiate his bloodlust—then surely his unwarranted lust would die down. But it was all useless. 

During those nights as he lay awake unable to sleep he’d create an image of you—same as he did all those nights ago in the staircase. He was able to replicate a version of you so well, it was as if you were a ghost haunting him within his sleep. In the midst of things he’d ask himself if you should’ve come along with him. You did desperately wish to see the edge of Seathal with your own eyes, but deep down Jay didn’t want you to witness what he was out of your sight.

His jaw clenched harshly as he lay on the embellished cot. Hands stuck to his face desperately trying to rub the image of you away. But to his dismay you were still there. Giving up with himself, his hand reached out for you, thumb sliding against your lip as he yearned to feel your flesh on his.

The hand that grazed against your lip soon trailed down to your chin. Fingers holding your head up to face him. In the end Jay knew it wasn’t you, the eyes he envisioned was that of sultry want—boring themselves into his very being. If it was the real you, you would have struggled to hold eye contact with him, he knew that for certain.

Every ounce of him wanted to taste more than what was on the surface. He wanted more from you, more of you. But there was no use in his selfish desires if you were to be used in a plan bigger than what he was. He could never allow himself to excuse his desires if it meant putting you in harm's way. Swatting the ghost of you away, he sat up in the cot. Hands once again finding its way onto his face—fingers gripping into his hair with frustration. “This truly is… Hell.”

The next day Jay had returned back to the castle. It was around late afternoon when he came back with his troop. Yet as he was arriving he saw a carriage from the capital, specifically The Emperor’s personal carriage. Jay’s grip on the reins tightened as he thought of his brother being anywhere near you. 

Dismissing the knights behind him, he galloped his way to the castle entrance. There were maids already stationed to greet him. Hopping off of his horse, the servants lead the companion back to the stables. At the front door entrance stood Jungwon. Jay’s jaw clenched slightly knowing he’d have to go find his brother. “Where is he.” Tone as cold as the winter wind around them.

“He’s in your office, Your Grace.” Jungwon bowed as he spoke, feeling as if he was stepping on eggshells.

Without another word Jay made his way to his office. His metal armor echoed around him while his footsteps hit the floor harshly. Jay wasn’t sure what he would do if his brother laid a finger on you. Killing him wasn’t an option, but if what he feared most was true. It would be his only resort of satisfaction. Barging through the doors his eyes immediately landed on the figure lounged on the large couch. Legs propped up on the table and arms stretched out on the back cushions.

“What are you doing here?”

The Emperor peered his head over to Jay, that sly smile plastered on his face. “Now brother. That’s no way to welcome your brother. I came all the way here to visit you. Have some hospitality now.”

Jay’s hands curled into a fist as he listened to his brother. “You came here to visit me? That’s a lie and you know it.” Jay let off a laugh at his brother’s blatant lie.

“Fine you caught me. But I mean. I did come here for both you and your wife.”

Jay’s eyes flashed at the mention of you rolling off his tongue. The Emperor caught this, laughing at how his brother reacted to the mere remark of your name. Jay’s brows knitted at his brother’s laugh, finding it annoying how he saw amusement in all of this.

“I assure you I didn’t do anything to the girl. I greeted her. Had a little chat and made my way here to wait for you, was all.” A smile crept up onto The Emperor’s face.

“What do you want from us.” Jay was quick to get to the point—wanting his brother out of his sight as soon as he could.

“Well. I heard from a little birdie, that your wife isn’t pregnant yet. Matter of fact. You both haven’t even consummated your marriage.”

Jay’s body froze, anxiety bubbling up at his words. The evidence Jay laid out was believable for the likes of the royal palace’s maids, yet The Emperor knew it was all a facade. That wasn’t the only problem. Now he knew you weren’t pregnant. It had been five months since your arrival here, by now you should at the very least be showing that much was true. Jay stumbled back as things dawned on him. Hand to his head as he tried his best to gather his thoughts together.

“You really didn’t think I’d plant someone from the palace did you?” The Emperor snickered at his brother's ignorance.

Standing up he made his way over to Jay, hand resting on his shoulder. “Since I adore you like my own flesh and blood young brother. I’m giving you one last time to heed my orders.” The Emperor looked up at Jay. Analyzing the emotion of panic wash over his face—something he had never seen in the twenty three years he raised Jay.

Letting out a sigh The Emperor spoke once more. “If not. I will kill your mother.” The Emperor’s hand left Jay’s shoulder, satisfied with what it was he came to do.

Before The Emperor left through the doors his words rang through the office once more. “Remember my words wisely Jay.” With that his brother was gone from the office. 

Jay stood there. Heart racing as everything swirled around him. Jay was running out of time, no, he had no more time left. Jay was so irrevocably in love with you that he would let The Emperor kill his own mother. But on the other hand, it was his mother. The person he assumed was dead his whole life due to his birth. He would do anything in the world if it meant seeing his mother, or even speaking with her once. Yet now he had to choose between you both. Something he never wished to think about the moment the truth was revealed.

Chest tightening, Jay began to strip off the heavy armor. Sweat beading at his forehead in a desperate attempt to calm himself as best as he could. The hard armor hit the floor, the echoing of the clanking metal engulfing the room. Once free, he made his way to the doors of the office. Jay sauntered his way into the hall. Hand placed along the wall to help balance himself along as he went to look for you. His eyes closed shut as he focused, using his mana to search through the castle. Then he found your presence. Walking up the secluded staircase, watching the setting sun as you made your way to the room. Jay was now on his way, desperately wishing to be with you as soon as he could. 

You had always wondered how Jay was able to find you in the castle when no one else could. You were unaware of the fact that Jay’s mana is what made finding you so easy. Ever since that first night you spent together Jay had been sneaking traces of his mana all over you—marking you his in some twisted way.

As Jay finally made it to the staircase he was quick to raise his head up, eyes searching above in a desperate attempt to find you. Then his eyes finally found you, standing there peering out the window, the setting sun shining into your eyes just like it had all those months ago. 

His movements were quicker than he thought, making his way to you faster than he ever did. Jay could feel his fingers tingle in anticipation. Not because he was finally allowing himself to have you. But to hold you and cherish you. Jay could feel himself get swallowed up by guilt. The only thing that could truly cure that dreaded feeling chewing away at him was you.

As you made your way up the steps you didn’t hear the sound of Jay’s presence sneaking up on you. The feeling of hands grabbing at your body shocked you. You couldn’t help letting out a shriek—body frozen as you panicked on what to do.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.” 

The sound of Jay’s voice calmed all that anxiety away. His hands snaked around your waist—holding you flush against him—face soon nuzzling into the crook of your neck. The feeling of his breath exhaling onto you left chills down your spine. Something about him felt off, but you couldn’t pinpoint what it was.

“Is everything okay?” His hold on you tightened at your voice. Feeling like a slow reminder of what was to come for the both of you.

Jay didn’t answer you. You sighed out, hand reaching to his hair—patting him reassuringly. “Can I look at you at least?” 

His response was still the same, only this time as he rubbed his face into your neck he began to leave a trail of kisses. The feeling was ticklish, simultaneously making the heat of your core flutter as his lips grazed against your flushed skin. 

“Jay…”

You merely muttered his name, not even the empty staircase had picked up on it. Yet Jay did. His movements stopped as he heard his name fall off your lips. Your brows knitted as he halted himself—wishing that he wouldn’t stop. Before you could question him once more, you were spun around—back now pressed firmly against the cobblestone walls. Jay’s arms were soon met at your sides—keeping you caged where you stood.

Jay lowered his head next to your ear, once again finding his way to your neck. This time instead of leaving a trail of kisses all he did was take in your smell. Hoping that this was reality and not a twisted dream—maybe part of him did wish it was, but the other half of him prayed it wasn’t.

“Your Grace?” Your words were hushed as you spoke. Not wanting to break the moment between you both.

Jay raised his head from where it was. Now he was looking at you—those silver eyes you remembered in such intricate detail piercing into your very being. As Jay stared at you his eyes wandered down to your lips then back to your eyes, taking in every single aspect of you. 

Raising his hand to you, Jay grazed his thumb over your bottom lip—just as he did with the hallucination of you. But this time you were really standing in front of him, not a lust filled imagery of you. As he brushed his thumb, his eyes wandered back to your lips. Staring at the way your plump lips felt underneath his touch.

“Say it again.”

You looked at him confused, wondering what it was he was referring to. “My name. Say it again.” Hearing his words your face reddened, now aware that he heard you call out his name in a fevered state.

Your eyes looked away from him, hesitance written all over your face. Jay saw the way you reacted, knowing you only felt this way due to the gap in your status. “Please Y/N. Today I wish to finally consummate our marriage. I want to hear you call me by my real name.” 

Hearing his words you slowly met your eyes with his, seeing a pleading look deep in them. You were finally tying that knot with him. So surely it was only right that you did so. “Jay.” This time you said his name more confidently. There was still some reluctance behind your tone, but he was able to hear you say his name.

A smile formed on his face upon hearing his name, unknowing to how overjoyed that made him. In an instant his lips were on yours—light and delicate not wanting to overdo it. Leaving a kiss to your lips, Jay began to trail his way down, kissing briefly along your jaw and down your neck. 

As he submerged himself into his actions, one of his hands now found its way to the side of your thigh. The sensation of him languidly rubbing up your thigh startled you. His kisses paused, chin resting against your chest as he looked up at you, that same smile still peering up at you. 

“I don’t think you understand how crazy you drive me.”

Before anything else could be said, Jay continued on. Hands roaming amongst your waist as he began to kiss along your torso. Even if his lips against your skin were separated by the fabric of your dress, you could feel everything. You gasped out at the sensation, your body tingling from head to toe.

“Wait. Jay…” Your whimpers fell onto deaf ears as he proceeded on. 

Kneeling before you, Jay was now focused on one thing. Making sure you would feel the pleasuring sensation of his desire for you. “Lift up your dress Y/N.”

You wanted to ask questions. Ask him why he wanted you to do so, but as you felt his fingers tap at your ankles you slowly realized why. Crumpling the fabric of your dress between your fingers, you slowly raised your skirt. Jay’s jaw clenched as he watched the fabric rise. Watching as your bare legs came into his viewpoint.

Without warning Jay had placed his hand underneath your thigh—propping it over his shoulder. The feeling of him lifting your leg off the ground caused you to yelp, whilst slightly losing your balance in the process. Quickly aiding you, Jay rested the palm of his other hand against your back.

The feeling of warm lips against your inner thigh made you tremble. Your fingers clutched the dress skirt tighter as his lips made way up your thigh. His grip tightening while he held you close against him. His warm breath swept past your clothed heat, a soft moan leaving your mouth at the ticklish feeling. The sensation was all too new to you, yet, it didn’t scare you. Jay didn’t scare you. But when something wet swept at your cunt your moans only grew louder. A new feeling forming in your stomach at the pleasuring sensation.

As Jay kneeled in between your legs his thread of reasoning was slowly beginning to snap. Your cunt was mere inches away from him, and when he heard your soft whimpers above him he was unsure of how much more he could take. In a heated daze, Jay inched his tongue toward your heat—despite the fabric of your lingerie being in the way. The slight taste of you on his tongue made him shudder, fingertips tingling in a way he never felt before—the thread he desperately grasped at fraying in the process. 

But when he heard a moan unlike any other come out from you, that thread snapped. The hand that held you safely against your back made its way to your hip. Grip strong yet soft as he angled your body up—allowing him a better view of your cunt. “Fuck...” was all he could say as he saw the way you began to soak through your panties. The wet spot in the fabric growing in the mere seconds he stared.

Jay wanted to have you right then and there. He wanted to savor the feeling of your heat wrapped around him as he took you. But the thought faded as he remembered your weakened body. It was impossible for you to take him now, especially without doing anything to ease you onto his size.

Hooking a finger under the gusset, Jay drew the cloth back—now allowing a full view of your glistening cunt. He couldn’t help but bite his lip at the sight, you were finally within his grasp, and Jay was going to have all of you. Leaning his head further in, Jay swept his tongue at your folds—licking up the sweet taste of your juices. Your body arched back at the warm—yet also wet—feeling on your cunt. Legs beginning to shake as Jay lapped at your core.

Jay was earnest in his work, tongue licking along your folds before he’d gently suck at your clit. The overwhelming sensation of his lips wrapped onto your bud shook you, head tilting back as your body jolted with pleasure. The grasp on your skirt faltered as he proceeded on. As Jay continued his motions, the hand gripping at your thigh left its place. Too enraptured by the pleasure you were unaware of the absent feeling on your thigh. Instead that absence would be replaced with his finger prodding at your entrance. 

Your breath hitched in your throat at the tight feeling of his finger inserting into you. Back arching—further—as you felt everything, body shuddering from his touch alone. Despite the slight pain it all melted away as Jay continued his ministrations on your clit.

As Jay inched his finger deeper—slightly curling it in the process—he felt something spongy. Curious as to what it was he pressed down on it, the pressure was soft. Yet that pressure alone caused you to moan louder. Jay smirked to himself, realizing he had found the spot that made you feel good. 

Jay incessantly pressed at the spot. Applying gentle increments of pressure, as well as rubbing against it. As this went on your moans turned into a noisy mess, so much so you began to bite your lip in a hopeless attempt to quiet yourself.

To absorbed into pleasing you Jay inserted another finger inside. Your head began to spin, the pleasure far too much to think straight. As his two fingers slid in and out, paired with his tongue at your cunt, the tingling feeling in your stomach began to ache.

Jay could feel the way your entrance began to flutter around his fingers—signaling how close you were. He began to work more diligently, dragging out your inevitable orgasm. Your toes curled as you felt waves wash over you. Every time Jay pressed down on that spot it was as if the dam inside of you was breaking. Then with one final languid stroke you came undone on him. Jay steadied himself, allowing you to ride out your orgasm. Your body trembled and shivered above him—chest heaving as you gasped for air—eyes wide as you felt the euphoric feeling run through your body. 

Jay retracted his face away from your heat, fingers slowly leaving your entrance as well. He looked down at his fingers, viewing the two fingers coated in your juices. Then he looked up at you, he saw your half lidded eyelids as you came down from that lust driven high. As Jay let your leg touch back to the floor, you couldn’t help but buckle down. Jay quickly held onto you, surprised by how much that alone did a toll on you. “I got you.” Was all he said before scooping you into his arms. 

Motioning you to wrap your arms around him he held close onto you, leaving gentle kisses against your face as he comforted you. A mixture of praises were said to you as he made his way up the stairs. Making it into the room, Jay was worried he overworked you. Deciding by himself that he would take you another night instead. Settling you down on the bed, he began to leave your side—hoping to retrieve a wash cloth for you—but you stopped him. Gentle fingers clutching onto his hand desperately. 

He looked at you confused. Then the next words he heard from you was a sentence he had least expected. 

“Don’t go. Stay.” Was all you could weakly muster out.

Jay stood there, unsure of what to do. You seemed to be utterly weakened. So how could he push you further? “You need to rest.” Jay replied, looking away from you—unable to face you in the heat of things.

“Please. Jay. I need you.” 

This time you sat up to look at him. Jay turned to look at you, wondering if what you had said was real. Then as he saw you sitting there, eyes full of something he never saw from you. The heat of his core began to ache. That look he saw in your eyes was lust. You wanted him at that very moment and Jay could see that as clear as day. Yet, he was still unsure of himself. But when you began to untie the top of your dress before him, all reasoning began to leave his mind.

He watched as the sleeves slipped down your shoulders, dropping past your chest pooling around your waist—revealing your exposed breasts. Jay licked at his bottom lip, before crashing onto yours. His hands cupped at your face, delving himself into the kiss—piecing himself to you like a puzzle piece. The hand placed at your cheek slid around to the back of your neck, angling yet pushing his fevered lips deeper into yours. Jay leaned himself onto the bed—your body following with his movements. His grip on your neck was still strong, whilst his other hand began to dance down your chest.

Rough fingers tauntingly grazing at your nipple, before kneading the bud between his index and thumb. You couldn’t help but moan into the kiss, startled by the sudden pressure on your breasts. As Jay continued to rub your nipple he soon let it go, instead this time cupping your boob in his hands.

His tongue swept past your bottom lip, urging for you to open up for him. You complied diligently, as his tongue slipped in, finding yours immediately. Soon Jay was swirling his tongue along with yours, in hopes to loosen the tension in you as much as he could—while he massaged your chest gently.

The kiss was heated and breathy, your arms desperately clutched around his neck as you followed along with his lead. At a certain point you needed to breathe, but Jay, so immersed into your plump lips, didn't notice you tapping at his chest—only when you bit his lip did he notice. Breaking the kiss right away, Jay began to observe your face—just a few inches from his—your lips now a red color as you breathed deeply underneath him. The last time he had seen such a sight was the day he kissed you at the altar. But now he would see more than just your lips red and sore for him.

Jay’s hand left your chest, reaching up to lower your back against the bed. His hand at your neck left its place, now gluing itself to your waist. Jay’s hands roamed your body as he took in the sight of you, gliding down every curve and crevice—worshipping you in the process. 

The one thing left in his way was the rest of your dress. Immediately tugging the fabric down your legs. Your body was now bare—all except for your panties. Jay was quick to undress himself, fingers frantically rushing to unbutton his shirt.

As his shirt hit the floor, he made way to his pants—unbuttoning in such precision to earnestly remove them. Now he stood there in between your legs, gently grinding his bulge into your core. You bit your lip at the pressure against your cunt. Head turning to the side in a poor attempt to hide your reddening face. Jay was too engaged with what was happening below to realize you were also finding pleasure in everything.

Cursing under his breath his hips wouldn’t stop moving into you. So drunk on you he kept with his motions—which also helped in loosening you more. The moment he spotted his precum soak through his briefs he knew it was time.

Discarding your underwear, Jay got a better view of your wet cunt before him. He could see the way your entrance twitched in anticipation for him. You peeked at him from the corner of your eyes, waiting for Jay to remove his garments as well.

Then as he slid the cloth of his briefs down did you see his cock. The size was unlike something you ever imagined. The girth seemed far too big to fit inside of you, not to mention the faint ridges beneath his shaft. You swallowed back, throat drying at the mere sight of him in front of you. But out of everything, what caught your eyes the most was the tiny blue scales amongst his pelvis. Seemingly the most dragonlike thing about him—besides his eyes.

Jay nestled his cock onto your heat, rubbing himself up and down your folds. The rugged feeling of the ridges against your cunt elicited a moan from you. Despite your pooling desire you began to worry about his size.

“Jay… I don’t think. It won’t fit.” You whimpered out, hand stretching out to push his hips away from yours—yet only your fingertips grazed against his skin.

Suddenly Jay brought both your legs together, holding them straight against his chest—his dick tightly pressed in between your thighs. The pressure was agonizing whilst he imagined himself bottomed out inside of you. It was enough, but he still needed to prep you.

“Shhh.” Jay soothed you, interlocking his free hand with yours, as his hips still continued their slow thrusts.

Throwing an arm over your face you basked in the pleasure, head swirling as you began to see stars in your vision. Your hand tightened in his hold, legs trembling harshly every time he dragged his cock through your folds. Your moans only grew more as his hips began to slam into the back of your thighs. You could feel that knotted feeling in your stomach loosen again. Your heated moans slowly morphed into his name—the feeling of your orgasm looming over you as he continued. Noticing this Jay picked up his pace slightly, wishing to help you cum first.

With one final feverish rub of his cock against your clit the pooling heat inside of you was released. Feeling the way your legs viscously trembled in his grasp, Jay stopped his movements. Slowly rubbing himself into you—helping soothe your orgasm down. You both sat there for a moment. You savoring the ecstasy of it all while Jay watched you. Your arms tightly covered over your face as you laid there catching your breath. It was only the second time that you came, but you were already spent.

Soon your legs would be set into a different position—angled to be pressed at your sides. Jay sluggishly ran his cock against your cunt. Whimpers left your lips—a needy attempt to voice how sensitive you were—but Jay continued on. 

Then as your eyes peered down you saw his cock, tip red and leaking of precum. That's when you realized he didn’t cum at all while he catered to you. Jay got you to cum twice and here he stood still holding it in. Your hands stretched out to your legs, helping to hold them flush against yourself—hoping Jay would also realize your want for him. Jay gulped at the sight. Laying there as you held your legs apart just for him, he was truly enamored with the sight of you. 

As he rubbed himself into your core, he began to thumb at your clit. The gentle and slow circles chewed away at you as you began to feel yourself grow impatient. Yet while he thumbed your clit, it distracted you from the main course of things.

Jay settled the head of his cock at your entrance, you seemed wet enough to take him, and Jay prayed it would be enough to not hurt. As he slowly nudged his way into you, your breath hitched in your throat. This pressure was different from when Jay’s fingers were in you. You could feel the way his tip began to stretch you out. It hurt momentarily, yet the pleasure washing over your body made it durable.

The hand that thumbed at you outstretched onto your pelvis—still continuing his circles on you. His palm on your pelvis made you feel grounded as he inched his way into you. With every inch of his cock in you, your moans began to slip out. As he entered, Jay’s tip momentarily rubbed past that sensitive area. You gasped out at the feeling, back arching at the indescribable pleasure.

Soon Jay was merely half way into you, taking his time to adjust you to his size. He continued to rub your clit, noticing it helped loosen in you in the process. The whole time Jay watched you shake and shudder before him, yet as he looked down his eyes were glued on the way you swallowed him. Every inch disappearing into your tight cunt. With just a few more pushes he was able to nestle his pelvis onto your core. Staying still he needed you to become comfortable with the feeling of him inside. Softly rubbing his hips into you he leaned down to your ear.

“I’m gonna start moving now…” 

Was all he said as his body caged you, arms rested at your side as he drew his hips back. Steady and slow before slamming back into you. Your hands left your thighs as you now blissfully hugged at his neck—nails digging into his back in desperation. 

Every time Jay dragged his hips back the pace was the same—all while rubbing against that spongy spot—yet when he buried himself back inside, it felt needy and rushed. At a certain point in, the pacing of his thrusts picked up. 

No longer was he slowly dragging himself out of you, he was now earnestly slamming his hips into yours. You were soon a mess underneath him, your moans turning into a mix of mewls and gasps. Tears began to brim at your eyes, the pain and pleasure becoming too unbearable for you to handle. 

As Jay buried his head next to yours he turned to look at you. Mind wondering if your face was the exact same way he imagined it. And his imagination was correct, but when he saw the tears he couldn’t help but wanting to kiss them away. His lips met the wet corners of your eyes, hoping to comfort you through his erratic thrusts.

Jay could feel himself reaching his breaking point—his movements becoming a blend of rough and fast to lazy and stable. He was due to cum at any second, but began to doubt things once again—hips pausing for a second—truly asking himself if this is what he wanted to do.

But as he thought of you being able to carry his child and raise one with him, those doubts began to leave him. Now he was telling himself it would be fine, you had The Saintess’ blessing. So surely her holy powers would be able to help you when you would give birth. Agreeing with himself he picked up the pace of his hips one more time.

With one last final harsh thrust he steadied himself—cock nestled deep inside, twitching slightly against your walls. With that one thrust you were able to come for what hoped to be the last time. The feeling of him throbbing inside had you whimpering beneath him, paired with the feeling of a rush of warmth that filled you. 

The two of you stayed in that position, savoring the feeling of each other—while you both caught your breaths. Jay left kisses along your face before pushing himself off of you—all while still being connected. You watched him, eyes half lidded. It wasn’t due to the fucked out daze you were in, but the fact you began to grow tired. Before you could say anything to Jay you were fast asleep. Noticing your tuckered out state, Jay was slightly beating himself up for being too rough with you.

Sliding out of you, Jay immediately noticed the way his cum dribbled out. In a frantic mess he left the bed searching around for something to wipe you up. Remembering his discarded shirt he grabbed it, beginning to wipe you down.

Once finished he searched in your section of the closest for night attire. Securing clean lingerie and a night dress he helped change you—not wishing to leave you in the bed naked. Finishing up, Jay tucked you underneath the covers, soon settling down on the edge of the bed next to you. He watched your sleeping form—chest rising up and down slowly—truley admiring how much he began to love you. 

Jay still felt he didn’t deserve love. But you? You began to show him that he was allowed to take part in that emotion. His hand rested on your stomach, softly rubbing it as the things he did dawned on him. He just truly hoped and wished whatever happened from here on out would be okay. Not just for him, but for you.

The next morning you woke up severely sore. Your back ached as well as your legs—especially your thighs. Serim was with you the whole morning, nursing you and helping out as much as she could to comfort you. As she helped she did ask about what happened, deep down she knew you and Jay had a steamy night, but was worried regardless.

You told her what she had suspected, even telling her how it was your first night together. Serim was shocked at the truth since she believed your consummation happened the night of your wedding. Despite her surprise Serim wasn’t upset with you. She found it chivalrous that Jay wanted you to strengthen your body before he bedded you.

You laughed at her burst of admiration for him. While you both shared the conversation you went ahead to ask about Heeseung—wondering as to what was going on with the both of them. Serim blushed at your question, head shying away from you. 

The room filled with giggles at not only her reaction but her speaking so highly of Heeseung—truly proving he was taking great care of her. Before the two of you could chat more, Jay came into the room. Serim straightened herself as she greeted him. Jay gave her a soft smile before politely excusing her. Serim said her goodbyes—secretly waving at you—before leaving the room. Jay turned to you, brows knitting as he saw your weakened state. “Sorry. I was too rough last night wasn’t I?”

His words caught you off guard. Your cheeks heated up as you processed what he said. “What?! Oh! No you weren’t!” Your words came off high pitched while answering him. Jay chuckled at your reaction—admiring how adorable he found you. Making his way over to you he placed a hand on your cheek, caressing your face gently. You melted in his touch like always. Cheek rubbing into his gentle hand.

“Also. I am sorry about cumming inside as well.”

You craned your head at his words. What did he mean? Then it dawned on you on what he was talking about. Your hands shot to your stomach, gently rubbing the surface. The thought of a child didn’t frighten you, if anything it made you excited. A reminder that you married Jay to live a happy life and create a family.

Jay saw the way you smiled, a bit of relief washing over him all at once. “Well it's not guaranteed you’ll be pregnant right away. A dragonborn’s sperm is potent but it's not easy to tell after one time. I mean if the idea of having a child with me is okay…”

Even if your body ached, and was sore all over you jumped up to hug him. Arms wrapping around his neck—tippy toes barely touching the floor—as you spoke happily about wishing to raise a child with him. Jay reciprocated the hug, arms tightly wrapping around your waist as he nuzzled into your shoulder.

Jay didn’t deserve you. He didn’t deserve you to agree so willingly, especially when you seemed so happy. He hated how he couldn’t tell you the real truth of the matter. Yes he wished to create a family with you, but not in a reality where his brother was threatening his mother. He just hoped you’d be able to stay ignorant of the truth—fearing deep down that he could lose you. 

Separating from the hug, you settled back into the bed. Straining your body too much from one hug. You could see worriedness on Jay’s face—slightly mixed with guilt. “Hey. Don’t be upset. Remember I’m a descendant of The Saintess. I’ll be better tomorrow morning I promise.”

Jay loosened up at your words, but still held a small amount of guilt. Giving you a soft smile he agreed with your words in the end. “If that's the case, take the rest of the day to get better. Tomorrow I’ll introduce you to one of the castle’s doctors. I trust her with my life so you should be fine.”

“Thank you so much Jay.”

His ears reddened at his name, happy that you were able to call him by his name instead of that stupid title. Any worries on his face now vanished—at the mere sound of his name. Jay reached a hand out to stroke the top of your head. You enjoyed it whenever Jay did so, finding yourself beginning to crave for his affection.

“I’ll get going now. I need to finish up some work unfortunately. I’ll have Serim serve you dinner in the room. Just rest for today.” Leaning down, Jay placed a peck to your forehead. With one more gentle look at you he left the room. You laid there, fingers rubbing at your forehead as you began to miss your husband.

The next day you indeed felt better, any trace of aching or soreness was long gone from your body. You woke up earlier than usual—way before breakfast was to be served—after getting dressed and ready you made your way to Jay’s office. Already wishing to see him first thing in the morning. 

As you made your way into the office Jay was happy to see that you were right. In just one day your holy powers healed you back to perfect health. Getting up from his seat Jay walked over—meeting you halfway in the room—arms open as he wished to hug you.

You were quick to reciprocate the hug. Arms wrapping around his waist as you enjoyed the warmth of his chest. You both stood there for little over a minute, the only thing breaking you apart was the sound of Jungwon clearing his throat. Parting ways you both stood there sheepishly, not thinking how much your feelings for either were in sync.

“Yes. Well. I want to introduce you to the doctor today. I’ll introduce you both around lunch time?”

“That sounds great! I will see you at breakfast then!” You turned on your heel stiffly as you made way to the doors. Before leaving you turned around, giving Jay a small wave before heading off to the dining room.

“You both are utterly smitten with one another.” Jungwon chimed in as he continued to look through his work.

“Shut up.”

Later that afternoon like Jay had said, you met the castle doctor—Yunjin. She had a beautiful color of light auburn hair and dark chestnut eyes. The one feature on her that really stuck out to you was the mole on her nose. She was truly beautiful in your eyes.

Jay introduced you both to one another. Yunjin truly cared about her position as Jay’s entrusted doctor, and was all the more grateful she was chosen to look after your pregnancy check ups. During your first meeting she checked to see if you were possibly pregnant. Jay and her knew it was unlucky after the first night but needed to check just in case. 

At the end of the check up you in fact weren’t pregnant—which only meant more heated moments between you and Jay. Once Yunjin finished up, you thanked her plenty of times. Yunjin couldn’t help but grow a soft spot for you off of your first meeting—genuinely understanding why Jay was quick to adore you. As you and Jay watched Yunjin leave, he snaked a hand at your lower back, tugging you close to him in the process. Leaning down to your ear he whispered something to you. “Shall we try again tonight?” 

You couldn’t help but blush at his words. In return all you could do was shyly nod your head at him. Jay smiled to himself at your flustered actions, kissing against your neck and ear as he led you back to the room. That night was filled with passion and desire just like a couple days prior. 

Soon a month would pass, and within that month The Saintess’ season would start. You watched as the winter snow melted into the lush green you saw in the paintings. The colors reminded you so much of home as well. Different flowers bloomed during this season, flowers that would stay healthy and strong.But being able to witness The Saintness season was the least of your busy life.

Cause within that time you slowly began to realize how carnal Jay was. Every other day without fail he bedded you. Whether it was in the morning, evening, or night, Jay was utterly entranced by you. Of course it was all for the sake of you getting pregnant, but there were many times where it felt as if he wanted to be with you because it was you—not for the sake of having his child. That realization alone made you putty in his hands. Giving into his every whim and desire whenever he saw it, and the same was for you as well.

Some days you would do it in the room, other days in the office—Jay was more hands on during those moments, enjoying the way you grew nervous of someone walking in. Even though he made sure to lock the office doors everytime—the secluded staircase was another area in the castle.

Despite mating like bunnies, you were yet to be pregnant. Jay’s behavior shifted a little bit at this. That's when you came to notice how smitten he was—clinging to you as if he was starving. He was eager about releasing in you, always making sure to keep you on him when you both finished. Even going as far as to bending you in such an erotic position, you were bound to end up pregnant.

And just like that you were. You had your daily check up with Yunjin in the late evening—which always ended in no good news. But this time was different. Yunjin seemed more chipper this time, eagerly waiting to tell you something. Once she told you the news, you jumped up to hug her, graciously happy that you were now with a child. 

With no more time to spare you quickly left Yunjin’s room. Hurriedly making your way to Jay’s office. Serim and Heeseung didn’t accompany you on your unplanned visit, since you wished to share this information with Jay alone, as well as wishing him to be the first person to hear it.

You smiled from ear to ear, exhilaration filling up every inch of your body. You could see the doors to his office right at the end of the hall. Picking up your pace as you began to grow impatient. Finally making it to the door you were about to make your way in when you realized one of the doors was cracked ajar. Then your ears picked up on the shared words from inside.

As always it was Jungwon who accompanied Jay in the office. Yet they were both talking about The Emperor, then about you. You shouldn’t have eavesdropped—you know that—but you grew curious on why you were a topic of conversation.

“She needs to know the truth one day, Your Grace.” Jungwon’s usual warm voice was cold and blunt while he spoke.

Jay meekly answered. “Yes. But…”

“Your Grace. There is no but scenario…” Jungwon hissed.

“I know that you and Her Grace have been at it non stop in hopes for her to bear a child. But you need to tell her why you’re actually doing this.”

One of your brows raised at his words. What was Jungwon implying? Was there a bigger motive to all of this besides an arranged marriage. The marriage was indeed arranged, but you believed the both of you had shared feelings. Especially with how nice and affectionate he was with you. That wasn’t false was it?

Then the next things that came out of Jay’s mouth truly shattered your heart.

“Tell her what exactly? That I’m using her to gain a child for my brother?! She can’t know Jungwon and you know that…” Jay raised his voice at Jungwon. Eyes gleaming whilst snarling at his best friend.

But those words were enough to have you running down the hall. Tears stinging your eyes as they fell from your face. You couldn’t believe what Jay had said. Was your marriage really a set up for you to have his child? Your head spun as you tried piecing everything together.

All the times he kissed you, hugged you, touched you. Was it all just a façade? Then you remembered the way he made love with you, the dawning realization made you sick to your stomach.

You didn't know where to run too. You couldn’t go back to the room, or hide out in the staircase—he was sure to find you. As you kept running you unconsciously made your way to Serim’s room—tucked all the way in one of the corners of the castle wing.

Making it to Serim’s room you frantically banged on her door. “Serim. I need you.” Sobbing out as your bawled up hands began to numb.

Serim tore the door open, her face mixed with confusion and fear. Then as she saw your tear stained face her eyes shifted to immediate concern. “My Lady! What happened!? What's going on?” Her hands stretched out to—holding onto the sides of your arms fearing you would slink down.

“I. I don’t. I don't know what to do, Serim.” Your voice hitched as the sound of your wailing sobs cut in between your words. Your shaky hands rubbing at your eyes in a poor attempt to wipe the tears away.. 

Serim rubbed your arms as she led you into the room, settling you down on the bed kneeling in front of you. Her hands reached to yours, pulling them to the side as she aided in wiping your tears away. You sat there allowing Serim to do as she wished—stilling weeping before her.

After lots of gentle soothing and gentle words you calmed down. Your nose a stuffy mess as you stared at the palm of your hands. “What happened? I’ve never seen you like this…” Serim’s words were full of sorrow. Her chest tightening as she saw you—the strongest person she knew—crumbling before her.

Her question of concern brought more tears to your eyes. But instead of a stream of tears, they dribbled down, your eyes already tired from the sobbing session you had mere minutes ago. Then as you cleared your coarse throat you told her everything—the news of your pregnancy up to what you overheard from Jay.

Serim sat there shocked. Unsure of how to comfort you in this situation. “What are you going to do?” She was concerned. There was no way you would be able to be the same near Jay anymore. Not only did he break your trust. He shattered your heart into a million pieces, and Serim could hear those pieces hitting rock bottom.

“I want to leave here. I can’t be here anymore, Serim. I can’t face him.” Your face landed back into your hands as you cried, the situation of things sinking into you.

“What of the child?” 

You paused, tears halting as you remembered the child growing inside of you. Of course you wouldn’t get rid of it, you were ready to love and care for the little one. “I’ll keep it. It may have been brought up in an artificial marriage. But that doesn’t mean the child has to suffer for it. Wherever I go and wherever I end up, I will care for it with all the love in the world. It’s what the baby deserves at the end of the day.”

Serim teared up at your words—happy that she had chosen to serve you for the rest of her life.

“Does that mean you wish to run away. Leave far from here and raise the little one all alone?” You thought about Serim’s question for a moment. But even then it only took a few mere seconds to agree—positive on the decision laid out for you.

Serim nodded her head—understanding what you wished for—as she conjured a plan. “A trip back to the family estate is nearly impossible. You would be found out within the first few hours. You also have no land or relatives out here, so staying undercover won’t work…” Then she thought some more, the image of a familiar red head struck her. 

Heeseung could help. He knew the ins and outs of Seathal, Serim was sure he’d know of a place that was decently far away but also out of Jay’s eyesight. “I’ll ask Heeseung.” You looked at her, eyes widening in shock. “Heeseung? Are you sure he’s gonna allow this? Jay entrusted his safety to me, there's no way he would possibly agree to this…”

“I am certain he will help out. I know he will…”

For the next couple of hours Serim would give you a set plan of escape. You told her about the secluded staircase, ensuring her that the both of you wouldn’t be seen by anyone else in the castle. You also made sure to have her relay this info to Heeseung, that was if he was genuinely going to agree to help.

You and Serim made an agreement to meet one another in the staircase at three a.m. That meant you only had seven hours to play pretend with Jay. You weakly made it back to the room, face clear from the stains and puffiness, yet your heart still ached. You could feel yourself being torn apart, you were unsure if you'd be able to last seven hours. 

While you made it back to your bedroom, Serim was on a hunt for Heeseung—feeling distressed as she looked in every room she could think of. Then as Serim made her way to a more secluded hallway, Heeseung had miraculously come around the corner. 

Serim ran up to him in a frenzy, hands grabbing at his arms before spewing an array of words at him. “Heeseung I need your help.”

Hearing Serim ask for his help the way she did had him alert. “What happened? Are you hurt? Is Her Grace hurt too?” Hands at her cheeks, turning her face side to side—checking for anything out of the ordinary.

“No, but. It does pertain to Her Grace. But she's not hurt or anything…” Serim’s words trailed off as she looked away from Heeseung.

“Please tell me what it is Serim. What's going on?”

Serim told him everything, relaying almost an exact copy of the words she heard from you. As she finished, Serim looked at Heeseung. Hoping that he at least thought about the situation.

“Serim. I.” His words were filled with uncertainty. You were right, he was torn between listening to his master or protecting you from harm like Jay had tasked him too.

“Please Heeseung. You have to help us. Her Grace. My Lady, she's suffering. I don't wish to see her like this. Please. I’m begging you Hee.”

Over the six months of you living in Seathal, Serim and Heeseung had an eye for one another the first day they met. And as time went on they began to develop mutual feelings for one another. You had known—more so it was a hunch, and the same could be implied for Jay—but didn’t say much, wishing to respect your friend’s privacy.

But as Heeseung heard his nickname fall from Serim’s lips, he knew this wasn’t servant to servant. But that of a lover asking for help from the one they love most. 

Heeseung fought with himself, a war going off inside of him internally. But even if his master’s task was law, he loved Serim more than that. “I’ll help you.”

Serim’s eyes gleamed with hope, utterly grateful for the man to call her lover. Grasping at the collar of his uniform, she dragged him down to her height. Leaving a kiss against his lips—showing how much she appreciated the man in front of her. As Serim parted her lips from Heeseung he gave her a smile, truly showcasing how smitten he was with the girl. 

“We have seven hours to kill. I’ll fill you in on everything before we get Her Grace.” Heeseung nodded along as the two of them walked out of the hallway.

You felt empty as you stood at the balcony windows. Your heart and soul felt like a hollow void while looking at the very flowers Jay had dedicated to you. Those same blue hyacinths that held a definition of unwavering loyalty. But what loyalty was there when he had lied to your face for six months? You scoffed at the flowers, finding yourself hating the thing you deemed as your favorite only five months ago. 

The clicking sound of the door didn’t startle you, all it did was prepare you to act how you always did. The you that held an unlimited amount of love and adoration for your so called husband.

Hands wrapped around your waist, Jay pulled you closer to him, your body now flushed against his chest. Just like he always did when he held you from behind, Jay rested his forehead on your shoulder—taking in your scent before laying kisses along the back side of your neck.

“I missed you.” His words made your stomach churn, not in a fleeting way. It was far from that.

You rested your hands on his arms, rubbing them gently as you lied to him—for the first time during your marriage—all while faking a smile. “I missed you too.”

Jay looked at your face, eyes staring into yours, feeling as if something was amidst. “What’s wrong?”

Your body froze at his question, fearing he had caught you. But despite your panicked thoughts it seemed as if he was only concerned. “I’m just tired is all.”

“I can help you with that.” His words whispered into your ear, the feeling of his breath brushing past your ear sending chills down your spine. 

You wanted to hate him with every bone in your body, yet your body craved for his touch. Your brain may have known what to feel, but your heart still yearned for the man you thought loved you. 

Jay began to nibble the back of your neck, whilst leading you to the balcony window—caging you between him and the glass. You placed your hands on the window, helping to steady yourself as he continued on.

You wanted to push him off, scream at him, yell at him, hate him. But you had to keep up the act, just seven hours of playing pretend—was all you needed to not raise suspicion. Your moans choked in your throat as his hand dragged up your dress, ghosting along your legs before gripping the fabric back.

Your body was soon pressed fully against the window as Jay weighed down on you—hand propped at one side of you. The pressure and closeness had your legs feeling numb. You despised how much your body enjoyed it, how he knew all your sensitive spots. As if on queue he began to suck at that particular area under your ear.

You bit your lip, muffling the string of moans as best as you could.

“Don’t do that. You’re gonna hurt your lips.” Jay brought his fingers over to your lips, grazing them as he placed them in hopes you’d bite on his finger instead.

Taking his gesture you bit down on his finger. Jay winced slightly at how harsh it was, but looked past it. Jay soon rolled his hips into you, pressing his stiffness into the plush heat. It didn’t take long for him to discard his pants—and briefs—as well as your underwear. Jay rubbed his bare cock between your thighs before meeting the tip at your entrance. As always he was slow and sensual, always making sure you weren’t in pain—yet as you both did it for so long you grew accustomed to his size. 

Your legs shook as Jay made his way inside—you may have grown used to him, but the feeling of him filling you always left you winded. Jay inched his way in, savoring the feeling of your walls clenching around his cock. 

The hand that was at your lips left you as he dragged his fingers down the side of your body. His grip ended up on your hips, fingers now digging into the flesh of your skin. The stinging pain only heightened your pleasure eliciting more moans. Hearing your satisfied voice Jay picked up his pace. 

The angle he had you in allowed him to drag along that sensitive spot nestled inside. The constant twang of pleasure made you dizzy, forgetting for a brief moment of your discontentment for him. Everything else was a blur. So lost in that dizzying haze you now found yourself in bed. Jay was sound asleep next to you. Arm wrapped over your waist holding you close to him. You peeled his arm off as you slipped out from the bed.

At the beginning of the marriage Jay was always a light sleeper. Either woke up at the smallest noise or just never slept. But as he shared a bed with you and slept next to you that habit of his went away. He would still wake up to some things, but if you were quiet enough things were fine.

As you stood from the bed you watched Jay's sleeping form. Your heart ached as you looked at him, the betrayal of him creeping back on you. Looking at the clock on the side table it read two a.m. There was one more hour until you needed to meet up with Serim.

You headed to the wardrobe, quickly changing as you fished around for clothes. Hoping to find ones that were light weight for the travel ahead. You found plain underdresses in your search—opaque enough that you could wear them as is. Pulling a couple clothing items from the closet you stuffed them into a small travel suitcase. Once everything fit you were positively ready to leave.

But before you decided to head out, your legs stopped you. Part of you wanted to leave without a word, vanish from his life as if you never existed. Yet part of you couldn’t do it. He may have lied to you about the marriage but you lived an amazing six months in Seathal nonetheless.

Walking over to the desk you pulled out a paper and ink quill. Flattening out the parchment you began to write. Etching your words onto the paper in hopes he would accept everything for what it was.

Finishing up, you folded the letter and set it next to the table on—Jay’s side—along with your half of the wedding ring. Your fingers brushed through his hair gently—taking one final look at the man before you. “May we never meet again.” Was all you whispered before slipping through the bedroom doors.

You hurriedly made your way down the hallway—still making sure to be quiet as you moved. Making your way through the painting door and down the long steps you made it to the exit. Outside stood Serim, dressed in casual clothes and a hooded cloak with her suitcase at tow. Hearing you peer out from the door Seirm gave you a gentle smile. Handing over an extra cloak while greeting you. “Did he suspect anything?” Serim asked while helping tie the cloak around you.

“No. He was the same as usual.” Your voice was soft as you tugged at the neckline of your dress—hididng the blatantly red hickies displayed on your neck.

Serim was quiet as she understood what your words had implied. Making sure you were settled, she placed her hand in yours as she led you to meet up with Heeseung. 

“Where are we going?”

“We’re going to meet up with Heeseung, My Lady.”

“He really agreed to help?” You were hesitant for a moment. Unsure to truly place your trust in the knight who was under Jay.

“Yes My Lady. I trust him with my heart. I know he won’t hurt us.”

The rest of the walk was silent. The situation of everything slowly weighing down on you both. There was no confirmed guarantee that this plan would work—fearing deep down the three of you would be caught immediately. After a few more minutes you both made it to a secluded horse stable—it was near the edge of the castle which hugged the lush forest next to it. There in the night with the faint glow of an oil lamp shining against red hair was Heeseung. 

He stood underneath the stable between two horses. On his left was a horse with a beautiful white coat, and on his right was a brown horse that had white specs in its coat. As you made your way closer you saw that Heeseung was dressed casually as well. He wasn’t thinking of leaving Jay to join you was he?

“Heeseung!” Serim piped happily as she ran over to hug him.

Heeseung happily held his arms open engulfing her in his arms, all while shushing her from being a bit loud. You followed in suit, eyes softening as you watched the pair in front of you. Finally breaking away from the moment Heeseung looked up at you to remember what he was originally here for. “Your Grace.” He said while straightening his posture and bowing.

You smiled at him before giving him a response. “Heeseung please, you don’t have to call me that anymore.You know I’m leaving that all behind.”

“But I simply couldn’t.” His brows knitted as he unwelcomed the thought to refer to you so casually.

“I will agree to not call you Your Grace. But allow me to address you as Your Lady instead.” 

Heeseung wasn’t going to let this go no matter what, and for you, being addressed as Lady was easier to swallow so you allowed it. Solving that minor problem you asked Heeseung the bigger issue that weighed on your mind.

“Are you planning to leave Jay’s side?”

Heeseung grew quiet at your words. All he could do to answer was nod his head.

“Why?” All you could do was question him.

“His Grace instructed me to protect you. And if that means destroying his trust then so be it. In the end you would be safer far away from here.” Your face softened at his words. Heeseung had taken his duty so severely that he was willing to sacrifice his own life to uphold that. He was truly worthy of being with Serim.

Packing up the things on the horses, Heeseung had explained the scenario to you. There was a cabin that his family owned in the woods, it was a day out travel, since the cabin was located in a remote farmland. He proceeded to explain that you and Serim would stay in the cabin and he would find lodging in the small town. 

This allowed him to bring over foods and items he brought in town while you continued to hide out in the cabin. The plan was perfect, it sounded like it would work. No, it was going to work. Making sure everything was all set, you set off for Heeseung’s cabin in the dead of night.

That night as the rising sun peaked through the green tree leaves of your travel you were going to leave everything behind. The Saintess’ season would be the last time you ever hoped to see Jay.

The next morning Jay woke up early—just as he always did—sunrise peering into the distance from the balcony window. His arms stretched around the bed feeling for you, thinking of wanting to sleep with you in his arms for the first time in a while. But as he felt the empty space next to him he froze.

Eyes widening at your missing presence. Climbing out of the bed Jay looked throughout the room, believing you were hiding or playing a joke on him. But his search ended in vain, you were nowhere to be found. Then he realized you were most likely within the castle, but before he could use his mana to find you he saw the folded paper in the corner of his eye.

Picking up the oddly placed letter he opened it—reading the contents right away. And written into that paper were your words of departure. Relaying how he was using you to help The Emperor for a child. Jay began to crumple the edges of the paper, eyes not believing what he was reading. But as he read on, his jaw clenched with anger.

At the every end of your letter you hoped to never see him again, and wished he wouldn’t look for you. Before he could conjure his mana, a faint twinkle of light caught his eye. Looking down, that's when he noticed it. Your wedding ring. 

Jay crumpled up the letter in his hand—fuming while doing so—soon pocketing it away. If the scenario was different he would respect your wishes, but he couldn’t. Not when you barely knew the surface of the real truth. Storming out of his room Jay made a beeline to his office.

Finding a maid on the way he yelled at them to wake up Jungwon. He had never acted out like this to any of the servants, yet he couldn’t help it. He was so furious at himself for not even realizing the woman he loved planned to run away from him. Not when you reciprocated to his desires last night. It all felt impossible to him.

Pushing open the doors, Jay made his way to the desk. Frantically looking through the paperwork that littered on top. But what was he going to find? It wouldn’t be your whereabouts, there wouldn’t be any answers. There was nothing.

In a fit of rage he swept everything off the desk. Papers ended up everywhere, quills and ink splattering against the floor, along with the sound of items shattering. Slamming his hands on the table Jay took deep breaths as his mind began to question everything.

Where did he go wrong?

Not long after Jungwon came into the room—hair a mess and clearly disheveled. “What’s wrong. Why are you waking me up so early in the morning?” Irritation clear in his voice.

“She’s gone…”

“What? Who? Who’s gone?” Jungwon was utterly confused by what Jay was saying—now taking in the chaotic mess.

“Y/N! She’s gone!” His voice was raised as his hands clawed into the wood of the desk.

“What?” Jungwon still couldn’t grasp the scenario. Just yesterday things were perfectly normal. But now you were gone? Vanished into thin air like a ghost? It was impossible.

“She found out about what we were talking about Jungwon. She thinks I was using her. It’s what she wrote in the letter.” Jay drew the crumbled paper from his pocket, shaky hands outstretching to Jungwon.

He took the paper, crinkling it out as best as he could. As Jungwon read the words on the paper it clicked for him. You overheard their conversation, misunderstood Jay’s words and deemed  everything to be a lie. Jungwon now saw why Jay was spiraling.

For the next couple of hours, Jay sat in the chair silently. Facing the large windows as he watched the sunny sky shine over the greenery. He wanted to respect your wishes, but knew deep down that was impossible. He needed to explain himself, tell you the real truth. Tell you how torn apart he was about everything. 

But would you even want to hear his words?

The silence was interrupted by the soft knock on the door. Jay stayed silent still, choosing to ignore whoever was at the door. Jungwon instead took the initiative to open it. Once opening the door he was face to face with Yunjin. He quietly greeted her while asking what she was here for. “I wanted to come and congratulate His Grace on the news. I’m sure Her Grace already told him, but I wanted to send my congratulations as well.”

Jay’s ears perked at the mention of you. Cutting Jungwon off he asked what Yunjin was implying. “What do you mean congratulations?”

“Oh? Her Grace is pregnant. I assumed she came to tell you, she was very excited to have you be the first one to hear of it.” That’s when Jay’s world came crashing down again. You were pregnant… You were pregnant and you decided to run away from him. 

His nails dug into the palm of his hand—slightly drawing blood—as he clenched his fist in anger. This new information changed everything. There was no telling what would happen to you. 

Yes you were only a couple days pregnant. But the possibility of that child emerging was at random, it could arrive months or even weeks from now. Jay needed to find you, whether you would let him or not. He was going to do everything in his power to seek out your location.

“Jungwon. Gather an expedition together, we need to find Y/N no matter what.”

“Yes Your Grace.” Jungwon obliged to his words, not questioning him for one second.

“And, kill anyone that my brother planted from the palace. He can’t find out about this…” It was the last task Jay gave Jungwon before formulating a plan.

It was a couple days after arriving at the cabin—it was small and cherubic. It had everything a house needed, a small farm, watering well, and a shed. The inside was just as dainty. The kitchen area was open, a small dining table accompanied the middle—big enough for all three of you—a small sitting area by a fireplace, a room and bathroom on the first floor, and then an upstairs attic which was turned into a living space. Serim took the bed downstairs, strongly pushing that you deserved all the space to yourself on the second floor. You did your best to argue but ended up taking the room. 

Heeseung would come over in the afternoon. A variety of fruits and food, as well as clothes were in his hand from the town at the edge of the forest. He also made sure to buy seeds for the farm in case something would happen to him.

The upcoming days were calm and quiet, you were certain this would be your life for a long time. But that dream ended when Heeseung made his way into the cabin in a frenzied rush. 

“Heeseung what’s wrong?” Serim concernedly asked as she ran over to him.

Walking down the stairs you wondered what the commotion was about. “What’s going on?”

Heeseung looked at you as he heard your voice, brows knitted anxiously as sweat dripped from his forehead. “There’s wanted posters of you in the town. His Grace. He plans on finding you.”

You stood there, a sense of doom filling your senses. You couldn’t let him find you no matter what. Your chest tightened as your breathing halted. Then came the urge to puke. Covering your mouth you ran to the bathroom, immediately reaching for the toilet—preparing yourself to throw up.

Sticking your head into the toilet bowl you began to throw up that morning’s breakfast. Serim helped in holding your hair back as you sat there. Tears brimmed at the corner of your eyes, feeling both the pain and anxiety hit you.

“My Lady, everything should be alright.” Heeseung spoke up. “No one ever ventures out here. Besides there's only a poster for you, so as long as you stay hidden away here. His Grace will never find you.”

Heeseung’s words of reassurance calmed you down. He was right, if they only targeted you, you would be fine. As long as you hid out here, he would never find you.

After the scare Heeseung gave you, things were back to normal again. The only hiccup was your morning sickness, you could barely enjoy anything remotely solid without throwing it back up most days. Due to your pregnant state, your body felt weaker than it ever did. The hickies that were still left by Jay were a consistent reminder of that—desperately making sure they weren’t visible.

You were littered in little cuts and bruises from doing menial work around the house. Serim always got on you about overworking yourself—due to being pregnant. But you hated just standing around and doing nothing. They were here because of you. You wished to be of aid as best as you can, so what if you got a few cuts and bruises due to that.

Soon two weeks had gone by, your morning sickness was better but a small ache would swell up inside of you at times, especially in the middle of the night. Agitated and aching for some sort of relief—that was too impossible to relieve.

Your hand inched down your stomach, scorching fingers brushing past your pelvis. You knew it was your heat that tingled every night. It craved for Jay every night, you hated that it did. 

But the minute your fingers slipped past your underwear you were biting your lip in anticipation. Your other hand lifted up the fabric as you eyed the way your juices clung to your fingers. A deep sigh left your lips at the sight, never noticing how wet you were until now.

Tucking up your night dress slightly you peeled the underwear off—the chill air brushing against your cunt. Your breath was shaky as you plunged your fingers in slowly. It was nothing like Jay’s cock, but you need some sort of relief. 

You angled your hips in a desperate attempt to reach that sensitive spot in your heat. But your fingers just weren’t enough. You whined at the lack of length your fingers had, wishing to alleviate the itch inside of you.

Instead you began to rub your clit as you simultaneously fingered yourself. Positive that this wave of pleasure would be just enough, and it indeed was. You bit your lip as you muffled the soft moans daring to escape your lips.

As you curled your fingers into your walls, picking up the pace of the circles on your clit, you could feel that euphoric high rise to your head. Your body jolted lightly, but as you kept going—dragging out your orgasm—your back arched up, body twitching amongst the bed. Settling yourself and removing your hands from your heat, you stared up at the ceiling. Tears began to fall from your eyes. You hated Jay, you hated him so much. Yet you missed his touch, his comfort, his affection. You began to miss everything about him.

The next day Serim and Heeseung decided to go to town together. You were happy with the idea, feeling that they would get to have a moment to themselves as lovers. Serim was persistent to stay back. It took lots of persuading to make her go with Heeseung.

In the end you were left at the cabin all by yourself. You did a little bit around the house. Tended to the farm, did some cleaning, along with some simple—somewhat disastrous—cooking, you were satisfied with the things you accomplished. As you were sitting down and relaxing there was a sudden knock at the door.

The sound put you on edge. It wasn’t Serim or Heeseung, they had a key to the cabin, not to mention they would’ve just entered. Then the thought of Jay crossed your mind, your chest tightened once more—struggling to breathe as you thought of him.

He had found you, that's all you thought as you faltered away from the door. Your head began to spin, your chest tightening more.

“Miss Saintess. I know you're in there. Open up.” 

It was a voice you never heard before. The unfamiliar voice helped pull you out of your anxiety. Slowly catching your breath you made your way to the door. “Who are you?” Was all you asked.

“Someone you know very well.” 

Without another thought your legs led you to the door. It was as if the stranger’s presence was beckoning you to come over. Your hand wrapped around the handle—hesitating briefly—opeing the door wide.

There stood someone you had never seen before. A large middle aged man clad in what seemed to be a long black chiton—adorned with gold accessories—long black hair that swept across the grass. Then there were his eyes, golden like sunrays of a lowering sun. Part of you recognized this man, but at that same time you didn’t.

The visuals of the man reminded you of someone. You ran through your memories, trying to remember why he felt familiar. You could feel the connection on the tip of your tongue. Then it hit you. 

The First Dragon.

“Wait you’re-”

Your words were cut off as he spoke—low and rhythmic. “Took you a while to recognize me.” The Dragon smirked while crossing his arms. Without another word he made his way inside, ignoring your calls for him to not enter.

“What are you doing here? No. Why are you here?” You became defensive, remembering the history of The Dragon and The Saintess. He had betrayed her, and hurt the people around The Saintess. So if he was here, then there was no good following behind.

“Be at ease Miss Saintess. I’m not here to hurt you.” The Dragon made his way to the lounge area, taking a seat for himself.

“If not that. Then what are you here for…” Your eyes glared at him—refusing to believe him for a second longer.

“That led me here.” He proceeded to point at you—more precisely your stomach.

Your eyes followed his finger to your stomach, hands covering yourself—protecting the growing child. “And why is that?” 

The Dragon chuckled at your growing frown. Amused at your behavior. “I can sense that child’s mana out here. It piqued my curiosity was all. Especially since I don't feel his mana anywhere.”

“Who else are you referring to?” “Of course my predecessor. Jay.” 

You began to back up, inching slowly towards the door as inconspicuous as possible. Everything was becoming far too much for you to wrap your head around. He still didn’t answer why he was here. Was The Dragon here for you or your child, you couldn’t read him, which made it all the more harder.

Serim and Heeseung won’t be back til late evening. You could only hope to bolt out of the house and hide out in the woods. As your hand was reaching behind you for the door handle, The Dragon caught you off guard.

“I’m assuming he didn’t tell you?”

Your ears perked at his words. Eyebrow raising as you tried to figure out what he was referring to. “Tell me what?”

“That the child might kill you.”

Your heart sank. Body chilling as your skin crawled with unease. “What?”

“I see. So he didn’t tell you.” The Dragon’s words trailed off, almost thinking about what to do with you.

“What do you mean the child might kill me?”

A heavy sigh left his lips, preparing himself to explain everything to you. “My descendents didn’t have it nice. You who was born with the gift of holiness and healing is truly the pure opposite of my children. Born to kill the very being that helped nurture and shelter them. Truly unlucky my children are.”

His words struck you like lightning. That explained why Jay did bed you the first night wasn’t it? It all became confusing again, unable to piece your thoughts together. 

“And now here we are. A child of The Saintess bearing one of my kin. How extraordinary is that?”

You stumbled slightly, steps staggering as you found your way to sit down. All you could think of was your impending doom of death. Wiping the sweat from your forehead you asked The Dragon a question. 

“Will I die?”

“Hmm. Not sure. It’s the first time I’ve seen one of her descendents mix with mine. So at the moment it’s unlikely.” His hand rested at his chin, thinking about the matter. “That’s mostly why I’m here. Curious to see if this child will be different from the others.”

Your jaw clenched at his words. He made it seem like the child was some object of studying. “Do not refer to the child as some experiment.”

The Dragon was shocked by your words. Failing to realize how genuine you were about raising the child, despite knowing the information that was kept away from you. “I see. My apologies then.”

You still stared at The Dragon, showing clear signs of discontent all over your face.

“I apologized. Can you stop looking at me like you’re going to hurt me?”

You kept the frown on your face, not choosing to listen to a thing he had to say. “You should leave soon anyways. My maid and knight should be here shortly.” Gesturing The Dragon to get a move on.

“If you wish.” Getting up from the chair he made his way over to the door. “I’ll be back soon. Who else is going to monitor your condition.”

You stayed silent as you opened the door for him. The Dragon gave you a smile before disappearing into the foliage ahead. You shook your head, unable to believe what had happened. 

It was never said The Dragon died, yet you didn’t think he would show up—out of the blue at that. Soon Serim and Heeseung came back, bringing items they had bought from town—an array of foods, materials for the cabin, and accessories for you. You kept quiet about your encounter with The Dragon, wishing to not worry them any more than they already were—even if they were hiding it.

As your days in the secluded woods were restful and happy, Jay was living through hell. The past two weeks he barely slept a wink. Dark circles formed under his eyes as he kept himself awake, working day and night to find you—but never getting far

He traveled to every border spanning from north, south, east, and west. But still couldn’t feel your presence anywhere. It really did feel as if you vanished into thin air. Jungwon urged Jay to try and get some rest, but he always persisted. 

Keeping everything out of The Emperor’s sight didn’t help at all for the matter. His undercover work only stressed him more. Then as night would roll around, as he tried to get some sleep. He would have nightmares. Of you. 

In those figments of terror he dreamed of finding you, yet when he did you only showed hatred towards him. Wishing nothing but the worst for him. Jay knew it was only a bad dream, even so it always felt so vivid. As if you were really standing there in front of him, cursing and hating him for what he did to you.

Usually an hour into the dream he’d wake up in a cold sweat—all with a mix of panic—hoping to never see those terrors ever again. Hoping to wipe the nightmare from his mind, Jay would either bury himself in work or work out in the training grounds until he was sore all over. 

He hated everything about this. He yearned to see you. Tell you how sorry he is, how he didn’t mean to hurt you, how he would make things right, and especially how much he truly loved you. But as the days went on and the searches kept hitting walls, he could feel that hopeful future fading through his fingers.

He just wanted to make things right.

After meeting The Dragon, he was serious about making a visit many more times again. He always came around when Serim and Heeseung were out. You questioned why he did so but felt that it was for the best. It was less of something to explain and less of him possibly hurting the people around you.

Within those visits you began to realize The Dragon wasn’t as bad as you perceived him as. After that day of telling him to address the child for a living being he continued to do so. Making sure to see if you were okay and if the growing baby was as well. 

It was all so odd to you. This being of who knows how many centuries old was taking care of you like a parent. Lecturing you to take care of yourself like Serim consistently did, making sure you never overexerted yourself, you were always safe even outside of his eyesight. The constant supervising had you confused.

“Why are you doing this?” 

You were both sitting outside, under a tree in a beautiful clearing within the forest. You knitted together a flower crown while The Dragon basked in the nice weather.

“What do you mean?” Was all he asked. But you could tell he was feigning ignorance.

You scoffed at his tone, finding his deflection to be amusing. “I know you know what I’m talking about. Let’s not be like this.”

The air grew silent at your testament of an answer. The sound of the hushed howling breeze was the only thing that killed the dead silence. 

With one deep exhale The Dragon spoke. “Why am I doing this?” He paused slightly, finding the words to tell you. “Because it’s the only way I can make up for my past.”

Your head tilted at his words, confused on what he had meant. What was there to make up? He betrayed The Saintess, that was a well known fact. So why did he show so much remorse for what he had done. “And what is it you’re trying to make up?”

“Hurting her.”

Your fingers stopped their weaving, head turning to him as you realized who he was referring to. “The Saintess?”

“Yes.”

The tone in his voice quickly changed. It sounded as if he was burdened by something more than hurting the woman he called a friend. There was sadness laced in his words.

“What actually happened?”

The Dragon closed his eyes. Memories of a time he spent with the woman he grew to love flooding into his mind. As he closed his eyes he recalled everything, relaying all his memories back to you.

Things were at peace, The Saintess and The Dragon who worked together to help the people around them. Aiding one another side by side in mutual cooperation. As their time together grew, so did their bond. And as time went on the two of them realized there was something more than a platonic feeling. 

But The Saintess’ people couldn’t allow the mere idea of a creature like him staying with the woman they deemed a god. So instead they chose to sabotage The Dragon. Taunting him, knowing he would blow a fuse and show what kind of monster he was deep down.

In the end, her people got exactly what they wanted. The Dragon lashed out on the town, burning things in his path—cindering everything he touched. Once The Dragon came too, he realized how grave of a mistake he made. The Saintess would surely never forgive him, for he had hurt the one thing she cared about most in the world.

That’s when The Dragon fled to Seathal, subjugating the land into an eternal winter. Many years went by as The Dragon isolated himself, bitterness taking over. Not to The Saintess or her people, but for himself. 

But when the day of The Saintess’ season blossomed, The Dragon felt her forgiveness. But he just couldn’t take it, until he made things right.

“And that's where you come in.”

Your eyesight began to blur, tears brimming as they fell down softly. Your whole life you were taught how evil and monstrous The Dragon was. Despite your childness of not wishing to let your family’s history rule your life. You didn’t expect this truth to emerge from the one being you never thought to hear from.

Instead he lived a life of guilt and solitude. Soon did you realize how lonely that life must have been. 

“Why are you crying?” The Dragon sounded shocked as he reached to wipe the tears from your eyes.

“I didn’t know.” You hicked as the tears streamed down your face. 

The Dragon sucked his teeth at your emotional state, not realizing this would be the outcome of his truth. “That’s fine. I didn’t expect anyone to know. So stop crying.”

His protests on your tears only had you producing more. “That’s why you’re helping me. Especially since for the time ever I’m being tied down to one of your kin.” Now you were sobbing between words. Gasping for air as you bawled out to him.

“Yes, yes, yes. Now please stop crying.”

After a few minutes you were now calmed down, eyes puffy and red while you struggled to breathe through your nose. “Thank you for telling me.” Your words came off hoarse as you spoke to him.

“Yeah. Yeah.”

You couldn’t help but laugh at his reaction. After that day you knew the emotional connection you had with The Dragon would be different. For better in a way you could rely on him for a long long time.

A month had now come and gone. Things were still no different within the first month, Serim and Heeseung still did their things around the house, The Dragon still visited on days they were away. You could feel yourself becoming comfortable with a life like this, even after you would give birth to your child.

But all of that would come crashing down very soon.

That early afternoon, like any other day Serim and Heeseung went out to town. Who better to get a visit from while they’re away? None other than The Dragon. 

That afternoon you decided to make something he had never eaten before. You later found out there was a wide variety of things he had never eaten before in his life. In the end you chose cookies, something simple and didn’t need too much time to work on.

After spending a long hour cooking and prepping the cookie dough you were ready to bake them. But before you could even put the cut out shapes in the oven, The Dragon spoke out.

“He’s coming.”

Your fingers went numb at his words. Pan clattering to the floor as you realized who he was. “You’re not serious are you!?” You slowly began to panic. How did he find you so soon? There wasn’t enough time to pack and relocate, not to mention Serim and Heeseung were still out.

“I can sense his mana. He’s around 10 miles out. God, he’s releasing his mana like a wild animal.” The Dragon couldn’t help but cover up his nose—depsite there being no specific scent.

“What about Serim and Heeseung where are they?” You tugged onto his arm, panic soon finding you.

“They’re still in the town. But Jay will most likely run into them first by the time they’re finished. Unless they spot him as they’re leaving.”

You began to pace in circles, unsure of what to do. You had to wait for Serim and Heeseung, you couldn’t just leave them alone in a situation like this. Fleeing on your own was simply out of the question.

“Everything will be fine. Don’t worry.”

“How can you say that! He’s using me for some ulterior motive. I can’t let him take me back.” 

The Dragon studied you, trying his best to console the anxiety rising in you. “Do you trust me?”

His golden eyes stared into yours. Of course you trusted him, but you were more afraid of Jay than trusting his words. But there was nothing else you could do, so trusting him would be the only option for you. Thinking it over you nodded your head.

“When those two come back, just follow their lead. It’s too late for you to pack things and leave. He’ll find you as you're fleeing, so they’re going to think of something else instead.”

“But!”

“Everyhting will be fine. I promise you that.”

You didn’t want to agree with his plans but still ended up doing so. An hour had soon gone by and The Dragon soon dismissed himself, telling you that Serim and Heeseung were quickly making their way to the cabin.

Right on queue the two of them burst into the cabin, foreheads drenched in sweat as they frantically ran to you.

“My Lady, you need to hide!” Serim panicked as she held your hands tightly.

“We saw Jay and his expedition in the town, they finally made their way here. And I’m sure they’re gonna find information about this cabin.”

You tried your best to stay calm for the both of them but you grew more frightened as they went on.

“There’s no time to leave, so we must hide you.” 

“There’s a wardrobe closest in the upstairs room! We can hide her behind the clothes!” Serim was quick on her as always. Soon she quickly led you up the stairs.

Opening up the wardrobe doors she helped you get settled in, making sure you were comfortable and settled into the wooden closet.

“My Lady. No matter what happens, stay here.” Her voice was laced with uncertainty, unsure of what would truly befall her and Heeseung. You watched as Serim closed the doors, submerging you into darkness.

The wardrobe was somewhat cramped, but you mustered through it for the sack of Jay not finding you. Hugging your knees tightly you prayed he wouldn’t even find this place to begin with. You prayed no one would sell out information on Serim or Heeseung. You just wished things would be alright in the end.

There was only a mere fifteen minutes of silence until the sound of things shattering were heard downstairs. It was all muffled in the wardrobe, but you knew the gods didn’t answer your prayers this time.

The drowned out sounds of yelling and pleading sent chills down your spine, frightened of what was happening to  them downstairs. You could only hug yourself tighter as you remembered Serim’s words.

Then there was silence again. Your racing heart began to slow down. You let out a breath of relief thinking it was over, now waiting for Serim to come find you.

But the recognizable sound of shifting armor freezes you. Jay had found you. There was no running, no escaping, no one else to help. This was it, and you would now have to accept that.

The armored footsteps closed in on you until they stopped. He was just right outside the wardrobe’s doors. Hands over your mouth as you tried to hide any noise that could seep out to the outside.

But to your dismay, the doors swung right open. 

The light of the room blinding you from the initial darkness. You continued to hug yourself—too sacred to even spare a look towards Jay.

Yet as you sat in that wardrobe body trembling with unease. Jay looked at you shocked, fear forming into his eyes as he watched your body—huddled up into a defensive ball—in front of him.

He had finally found you, however, you were trembling before him. Scared to face the man you once showed unlimited affection too. 

“Y/N…”

The sound of his voice ringing through the room only caused more distress for you. Not wanting to show yourself to him even if he called out for you. 

Jay was utterly heartbroken. Where did everything go wrong? 

Unable to handle anymore of what he was seeing he pulled you out from the wardrobe. Everything flashed before you in a blur. One moment you were tucked away in the wardrobe and then the next you were in Jay’s arms.

Realizing this you began to hit and slap at his chest, wishing to be as far away from him as possible.

“I’m sorry!” Jay shouted as he held you tighter. 

Your hands stopped in place, hearing the way his voice cracked as he called out to you. “Let go of me!” You began to fight out of his grasp.

“Please Y/N. It’s not what you think it is. Please just let me explain myself!” 

There was desperation in his voice—earnestly wanting you to give me just a moment. You calmed down as you thought it over to yourself. Then you remembered The Dragon’s words, he said everything would be fine. Was this what he was referring to?

You stopped your attacks on him, hands resting on his chest as you waited for him. Noticing the way you stopped, Jay loosened his hold on you. Letting you go he guided you to the bed—instructing you to sit down.

Following his lead you sat down—eyes never daring to look at his. Kneeling in front of you, Jay wanted to settle his hand on yours, comfort you in any way he could. But as he saw your reluctance to meet his gaze, he knew there was no point. “I’m not using you like you think I am…”

You still ignored him, not wishing to give him the satisfaction of a response to his words.

“The Emperor, my brother. He. He’s not as good as you think he is. He threatened something important to me. I want to tell you what that is, I won’t hide that from you. But I need you to understand why I did it…”

His frown only grew more at your silence. Taking a deep breath before telling you everything. What he shared with you was the same thing The Dragon did. How his birth into the world was nothing but an act of a hideous monster. But what really shocked you was something you didn’t expect. “My mother. She’s alive Y/N. My brother says she’s in a state of limbo, teetering between life and death. What was I supposed to do? I had never met the woman who nurtured me with as much love as she did.” His voice began to crack as he continued on. “I tried. I tried so hard to stall everything, not wanting to bring that fate onto you. You didn’t deserve it, not when you are so full of love and pureness. I couldn’t allow myself to taint you.”

Jay stopped his words, gathering himself to finish off. “Then he found out. He found out we faked our marriage night. You were nowhere near pregnant. He knew about it, and once again threatened her. Out of anything in this world, using our child for his gain was all he wanted. And I hated myself that night for choosing my mother over you. I wanted to choose you no matter what, but... I’m sorry Y/N.”

Now Jay was crying, tears leaving his eyes as he poured his heart out to you. You couldn’t believe your ears. All this time he never wanted to follow along to what he was told to do. He tried his best to keep you safe from The Emperor, all while the life of his mother was on the line. 

Your shaky hands reached out to cup his face, urging his teary eyes to look at you. 

The sight of those silver eyes pooled with tears tugged at your heart. This whole time he had been suffering all alone. In hopes to protect the people he cared for as best as he could.

“Oh Jay.” Your thumb wiped a tear away at the corner of his eye—soothing his emotional state as best as you could.

“Oh Jay.”

Was all you could say as you continued to rub at his cheeks. After a minute or so he calmed down.

“I’m sorry.” Was all he could say on repeat. Muttering apologies as it still ate away at him.

“It’s okay. I’ve forgiven you Jay. I just. I was scared and didn’t know what to do so I ran. I’m the one who should apologize. Not you. I’m sorry.” 

His eyes bore into yours, hand reaching up to your cheek to rub gentle circles before leaning in. His lips met onto yours, it was soft and gentle, no lustful desire behind it. Just a man who missed the woman he loves.

Separating from the kiss he placed pecks along your cheeks and lips, showcasing how much he had missed you within the past month. Then as you studied Jay’s face that’s when you noticed his dark circles. 

“Jay! When was the last time you slept?”

He shied away from the question—brows lowering like a scolded puppy. All you did was pout at him, urging him to tell you the truth. “Last time I slept was when we shared a bed for the last time…”

Processing his words, did you realize that was almost a month ago. Standing up quickly you pulled Jay from up from the ground. “You need to sleep!” You ordered as you tried to push him onto the bed.

But his suit of armor stopped him in place—the piece weighing far too much for you. “Let me fix everything downstairs. You just wait here.” 

Tilting your head at his words you recalled Serim and Heeseung still being within the house. Allowing him to walk downstairs you heard some commotion before he was soon back in front of you.

“Is everything alright?”

“Yes. Your maid, Serim and Heeseung are okay. I sent the troop of knights with me outside. I wish to sleep now.” Jay began to strip his armor off as he made his way back to you and the bed. 

Now clad in the normal clothes he wore under his armor. His hand immediately found your waist—satisfaction etching into his lips at how everything felt right again—before pulling you onto the bed with him.

It wasn’t as big as the bed in the Velpark castle, but Jay didn’t mind. As long as he was here with you in his arms any size of bed would do just fine. Once he had you in his arms, he was out like a light. Head resting against your chest as he draped his arms tightly over your waist. 

You weren’t tired as of yet due to the time of day, but knew you’d be off to sleep in no time. Laying there you stroked his hair while humming a lullaby your mother had taught you as a child. Even though the song was for Jay you ended up drifting off to sleep as well.

In the middle of the late night Jay woke up—eyes peering up at you—slipping out from your grasp he sat on the edge of the bed, watching intently as you slept. As you rolled over he noticed red marks on your neck. 

Pulling the collar back he recognized the marks right away, they were the things he last left on your body. Recalling your healing capabilities there was only one cause for this. The child growing inside of you.

His hand lowered down to your stomach—as it transformed into something monstrous, the enlarged hand turned his skin night blue, aligned with scales and sharp claws. Part of him hated the being inside of you for draining away your life force, but as he felt the gentle hum of the baby's mana, he no longer hated it.

“Take this instead of hurting your mother. She’s precious to me as well, so behave.” The hand that rested on your stomach glowed a light blue hue, wisps of mana entering into you—easing the growing child.

As his hand returned to normal, Jay tucked a stray hair away from your face. Capturing the beauty of your face so diligently. 

“My love, I must take care of something very important. I wish I could stay to tell you when you awaken. But this is of the utmost importance for a better future. Forgive me for leaving you like this.” He cooed whilst leaving a kiss on your forehead.

Placing his armor back on, Jay made his way out the room and outside. Finding Jungwon’s tent he woke up his best friend. Still as sleep eyed as usual Jungwon was awake and ready to listen to Jay.

“I’m going to take a small group of soldiers and end all of this once and for all.”

“Your Grace. You don’t mean.”

“Yes. It’s about time I allow myself the ability of freedom without the cost of anyone’s life. You stay here with the rest of the nights and look after her. I’m entrusting everything to you Jungwon.”

Jungwon nodded his head as he bowed to him. What he set out to do was something that would have him gone for months, so long that by the time he arrived back you would most likely be giving birth. “I will protect her with my life.”

“Thank you.”

With that Jay had departed ways from the cabin. Off on a quest with no set notion of when he would be back. 

That morning you woke up to an empty bed, confused about where Jay was, you went downstairs to look for him. But to your dismay he wasn’t there, only Jungwon. You asked him immediately where Jay was.

Jungwon was honest with you. He told you about the quest he needed to fulfill, not just for himself but you as well. Curious on what he was speaking of, he told you everything.

You thought of many possibilities, but the one you heard had you conflicted. Jay went to kill The Emperor, his own brother.

Even if the idea of it all startled you, you understood why he did it. If there was going to be a world where you could create a happy family with Jay and live with him for the rest of your life, this was the only way.

That night, just like you did all those years ago when Jay was sent off to war. You prayed for him. Prayed for his safety to return home safe to you this time around.

Soon the second month passed. You hoped for Jay to come back within the next month, but he still didn’t arrive. Then as the third month rolled around, so did the fourth. You were now showing—your stomach slightly round as the child grew.

The Saintess’ season came to an end. The colorful green leaves turned into an orange hue, indicating its morphing into the cold winter again. Only a week later would Seathal have its first snow fall since The Saintess season.

At the same time The Dragon stopped showing up, you knew it was due to Jungwon and the castle’s fellow knights being around all the time. Despite that, you still ended up missing him. You had long finished the flower crown you started three months ago, preserving it as best as you could to give to him.

Then as the fifth month came by, you began to discuss baby names. Huddled up by the fireplace, Serim loved doing this with you in her free time, so did Jungwon and Heeseung—enjoying coming up with random names that would suit a child resembling you and Jay. There were plenty of girl and boys names you both liked, but none of them called out to you.

Yunjin came to live with you all in the seventh month, seeing that you were nearing the months of giving birth. She was happy to see you healthy and well. She was also surprised to see how big your stomach had gotten—since the last time she saw you was half a year ago. 

Not long after Yunjin was now joining in on helping with baby names. She was really versatile in the names she knew. Some being originated from different countries, or even created on her own. Her input of names helped broaden the variety greatly. 

It was now eight months since you ran away from the Velpark castle, and seven months since Jay left. You could feel the baby kick about, part of you was curious on how normal the pregnancy felt—well whatever was deemed normal for pregnancies. There was no child of yours murdering you yet, or maybe it didn’t happen yet cause the child wasn’t ready.

As you sat outside thinking to yourself about these things while watching the snow fall you could see a blurred figure in the distance. Your heart raced as you hoped for who you wished it to be. And as the figure came closer into the clearing, your legs had a mind of its own. 

Standing up you began to walk towards the figure, the piles of snow slowing you down, but that didn’t matter to you. He was home now, you were sure of it. 

As the mysterious figure closed in, they jumped off the horse. Rushing your way in a desperate sprint to reach you. Through the white smudges of snow you saw him, Jay. Your pace quickened, already yearning to have him hold you within his arms.

The snow was far too packed high as you ran through you almost tripped, but was caught by the person you missed most during the long hard months.

“Jay!”

He hugged you tightly, head lowered to the top of your head as he took in all of you. Missing your warmth, the way you smelled, your voice. Everything that was you he missed so much. Now here he was finally back with you, where everything always felt right.

Your hands gripped onto the edge collar of his armor, tugging it down as you crashed your lips onto his. For all the months you waited and waited you began to worry, fearing he didn’t win his internal war. But here he was, his lips on yours showing he was alive and well.

Parting ways your foreheads met in unison, taking in each other's presence. “I missed you so much.” Jay whispered as he left a peck on your lips.

Soon there were voices calling for you, the two of you turned your heads to see all the commotion. There in the entrance way of the cabin stood Jungwon, Serim, Heeseung, and Yunjin. All welcoming Jay home whilst also wanting you both to come inside.

There was lots of catching up to do. You wanted to hear everything that happened, especially wishing to know more about his mother. But before anyone could ask questions, something had dripped between your legs. 

Wondering what it was you looked down to see a puddle of water at the base of your feet. You stared at Serim then everyone else. In a surge of panic the cabin turned into chaos as everyone ushered you upstairs. Yunjin had informed you your water broke, meaning the baby was on the way.

Your body tensed at her words, growing afraid of what Jay and even The Dragon had discussed with you. As you were escorted to the bed, Yunjin demanded only Serim and Jay stayed up here. Serim helped settle you down, making sure to angle pillows for your comfort as you laid down. 

Jay was right next to you as he held your hand tightly, his mind thinking the same as you. Wondering if this would be the end of a family he wished to have or the start of an endless love he was allowed to keep. 

Hours went by as you sat on the bed, contractions hurting like no tomorrow. The pain was unbearable, back throbbing harshly as every contraction rippled through you. Unable to take the pain anymore you passed out. 

As you opened your eyes you were greeted not with the ceiling of the room in the house, but of a clear blue sky with the accompaniment of white clouds. Sitting up you looked round at your surroundings, a grassy green hill that swayed along with the brush of the wind’s breeze.

Realizing you were underneath some sort of shade, you looked behind to see a large elm tree, its beautiful yellow leaves swaying in the wind.

“You’re awake.”

Your head turned to the unfamiliar voice. Standing—more so flaoting—before you was a beautiful lady. She wore white dress that flowed on its own—as if the wind didn't need to pick up the delicate fabric. Her hair was a bright golden color, resembling the leaves hanging from the tree, and her eyes were as blue as the sky above.

“Who are you?”

The woman giggled. Amused by your lack of knowledge. “You know who I am silly. I’m a part of you.”

Then it dawned on you. “The Saintess?”

“Correct!” 

You watched as she floated about the ground, happy that you were able to recognize her off of her singular hint. 

“Why am I here?” 

Propping a finger to her chin she thought of how to explain the situation. “Well you’re currently giving birth. And that child inside of you was seeming a bit feisty. But I can’t have my precious daughter go through such pain, so I’m here to give you a piece of my holy power.”

You stared at her in confusion, trying to piece the words she said together. “You’re saying your holy power can save me?”

“Yes. More so, it’ll numb the little one's dragon mana, making it so you're birthing a normal baby.”

“But why me?!” So many questions rang in your head as things went on.

“Well, you helped out an important friend of mine. Besides I was always going to come get you my child. You are my favorite one out of that big family line of yours.” The Saintess made her way over to you, closing in the gap that separated you both.

“Now I’d love to chat more, but you have people waiting for you. And time doesn't really flow the same here versus out there.” She held both of your cheeks in her delicate palms before lowering your head down a bit.

“Say hi to him for me.”

With her final words, she kissed your forehead. Then in a flash of light—closing your eyes—you could hear the faint crying. It was the sound of a baby, that’s what it was right? Straining to open your eyes, you were met with the cutest face you had ever seen. 

Cheeks so chubby you could pinch them all day. The top of the baby’s head had a light dusting of hair that resembled yours. “Is this?”

Jay right at your side answered you. “Yes it is. This is our new baby girl.”

“She’s beautiful.” Your eyes watered at the sight of her. Round little face with rosy cheeks. This was your child, this was your little girl.

“Did you figure out a name for her while I was away?” Jay questioned as his finger reached out to rub your daughter’s tiny cheek.

“I had one in mind.”

The rest of the day was spent with you resting in bed, as well as many congratulations and wishes to see the new born child. Almost everyone in the house catered to your every need, making sure you were comfortable, well fed, Serim even took on watching the baby as you rested. Their generosity warmed your heart plenty.

As soon as night rolled around you felt perfectly fine, realizing that The Saintess didn’t lie about giving you a piece of her powers. While you were pregnant you felt as if you were growing weaker by the second, but now you were feeling as energized as ever. 

Jay was tuckered out in the chair posted by the bed, worn out from helping everyone out and attending to your daughter. Crawling out of the bed you made your way down the stairs. You noticed everyone else sleeping in the seating area, all arranged in the most uncomfortable positions. One person was missing, which was Serim who you assumed was in the first floor room with your baby.

Laughing to yourself you picked up a discarded blanket and made your way to the door. Spotting the flower crown you made settled on the wall you took it with you. Opening up the door you walked out into the chilled winter night—making sure to close it behind you. Making your way to where the forest started you held the crown tight in your cold hands.

“I know you’re out there.” You spoke softly as you stared into the woods. Between the trees you saw two glimmering golden eyes. You smiled to yourself as you knew who it belonged too.

“Thank you. I won’t ever forget your kindness towards me. I made this for you a while back, but never got the chance to give it to you.” Showing off the flower crown you settled it down onto the snowy floor. “Also she says hi.”

Was the last thing you said as the door of the cabin opened. “Y/N, what are you doing out here?” Jay questioned tiredness laced in his voice. Rubbing the sleep away as he went up to you, hands placed at the side of your arms—rubbing up and down hoping to warm you up. 

Your head turned to him slightly watching him walk over to you. Turning your head back to the woods you noticed the flower crown was gone from where you left it. You smiled to yourself as you thanked The Dragon one more time in your head. “Stretching my legs.” You turned your body to look at him, admiring the sleepy look he had on—truly unfit for a dragonborn like him. “Lets head back inside.”

“Wait.” Jay halted you as he began to wake up. “I need to give you something.”

You watched as Jay fished through his pants, earnestly trying to find something. Jay’s brows quirked as he got ahold of what he was looking for. Pulling his hand from his pocket he gestured the closed fist to you. “I forgot to give you this when I left.” 

Opening his hand, there in the center of his palm was your wedding ring. After all this time you had forgotten that you left it behind. There were times when you noticed how empty your ring finger felt, but chose to ignore it. Not wanting to be reminded of him. But as Jay stood there with your wedding ring in his you felt your heart swell with so many emotions. 

“I know our meeting wasn’t natural and was arranged for a different motive. But Y/N, you’ve taught me that I, a dragonborn, am able to learn what love is in this world. My whole life I viewed myself as a monster. But you? You make me feel human.”

“Jay…” 

You knew there were some shared emotions between you and him. But they were never discussed, especially with the fact of you both already being married. Standing here hearing him profess the feeling you made him feel, felt as if you were falling in love with him all over again.

“I love you Y/N, and I promise to take care of you and our daughter for the rest of my life.”

“I love you too Jay. It was always you, since the first day I learned of my families’ shared past. There was something that drew me to you. And I’m happy that I get to be with you as well for the rest of my life.”

Without another second to waste, Jay slid the ring back onto its rightful home. Finger finding its way under your chin—he raised your head—giving you a gentle kiss. He couldn’t but smile into the kiss, feeling happy about the future for once in his life.

Parting lips you both couldn’t help but giggle to one another as you made your way back inside of the cabin.

EPILOGUE:

It had been three years since everything. Soon after you gave birth to your daughter did you move back to the Velpark castle. Despite being gone for so long nothing really changed in particular. Nothing except for Jay’s position in High Society.

He was still deemed a Duke and owned the Seathal territory—which is ideally his birthright. But instead Jay was no longer The Emperor’s dog. Before killing his brother, Jay had found out many years ago—during the time of the war—The Emperor had a secret brother. 

The brother in question was related to The Emperor by blood, but was only his half brother. Jay kept this as a secret for many years to use against The Emperor, which thankfully ended up working. After performing a coup d'etat in those seven months he was away, The Emperor’s half brother was reinstated as the new ruler of Decelis Kingdom. You found out later on that the new Emperor was named Sunghoon. 

Sunghoon was grateful in the aid for his spot back on the throne and promised Jay a long life of luxury within Seathal and with his family. And the biggest thing that came out of it was something just as important to Jay than you and your daughter.

“Mama, mama! Are we going to see grandma now?” Your three year old daughter tugged at your dress, while she watched you get ready.

Gently laughing at her antics you proceeded to pick her up—settling her on your lap. “Yes my sweetheart we are. Are you all ready?” 

“Yes I am!” She beamed as she faced you.

Her hair was styled in two little ponytails paired with two pink bows in her hair. She was dressed in the same pattern as you. Her dress of course, having more frills for a cute princess look. The maid tending to you, finished your hair and makeup motioning to you that she finished.

“Now. Let’s go find papa!” Sitting up from the cushioned seat you still held on tight to your daughter as you made your way out of the bedroom, heading down the hall to Jay’s office. 

After returning back to the castle you were able to use your gifted holy powers to help save Jay’s mother. Seeing him hug the woman he never had a moment to grow with shattered but also mended your heart in a way you never knew was possible. It felt right seeing Jay feel human for once in his twenty three years of living.

Once he reestablished her from the palace, he gave his mother her own section of the castle where she would live out her life. It was nice having his mother around, she loved your daughter and she especially adored you.

With the addition of new people you also lost some of your close friends. Nothing bad happened to them per se, they just moved on and started a family. The friends in question were Serim and Heeseung. Not long after coming back to the castle Heeseung proposed to Serim.

Now that the two of them were married they were given the chance to leave the castle. Of course this saddened you, you would be separated from your best friend. But it wouldn’t all be for naught, since later that year the two of them would have their first kid. With that they would visit very often for playdates between your daughter and their child.

Finally making your way to the office you could hear faint chatter inside. Heading inside you saw Jay sitting at his desk doing some work, while his mother chatted along with Jungwon. 

“Grandma!” Hearing your daughter’s excitement you quickly set her down, allowing her to run straight to her. 

You smiled at the shared giggled between Jay’s mother, Jungwon and your daughter. You stood there watching them play around so happily and freely. Smitten with the scene before you, you didn’t hear Jay walk up behind you. 

The feeling of his hand settling on the back of your neck startled you slightly. Jay couldn’t help but laugh recalling a memory at the beginning of your marriage. Proceeding on from your neck his fingers began to play with your hair—twilring the strands between his fingers.

“I’ve been thinking. It’s been three years since the little one. Thoughts on having another mini us run around?”

“Hmm. Let me ponder on it and I’ll let you know.”

Jay chuckled at your response, knowing deep down for the both of you there would be a possibility of a second child very soon.

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