Dedicating this to @electricburnz, who made me think about this again, and @ahamasmiyodhah + @tryingahandinholdingapen who found the post for me, thank u
Ok so, based on this post, but taking it a little to the left and making it funnier and much more chaotic
So, Madara and Izuna both want to send Tobirama hate mail. More than that, they want to go the extra mile here, really do something petty. So, they both begin to look into flower languages with an intent to insult Tobirama by showing genuine effort put into their little "go jump off the hokage tower" messages.
It's to note here that both Izuna and Madara have no idea that the other is doing this. They both think it's their own original idea, and aren't mentioning it to the other.
So then, you ask, what is the difference between the two of them?
Well, Madara stops at ordinary flower language.
He goes to his local flower shop, asks the girl at the desk to help explain the meanings of a few things, then laughs maniacally as he starts putting together a bouquet that is essentially hate mail in flower form. Full of flowers that signify loathing, bad luck and ill omens, all that good shit
Izuna, meanwhile, takes a moment to think.
The Senju are a clan that practically worships the mokuton, arent they? Their whole thing is nature, so perhaps they would have different meanings for their own flowers...? He asks around, and finds that yes, they do, though most Senju seem to find it 'a waste of their time' to tell him much more
Luckily, Izuna manages to get his little paws on an old Senju flower language study, and uses it to make his own hate mail flower bouquet. Nice one Izuna!
Here's the twist though: Yes, the Senju do use their own flower language. They see it as the "true" meaning of flowers, and completely ignore anyone who tells them otherwise. But, it's updated every time there's a new mokuton user. The new mokuton user going through each flower and telling their clansmen the "real" meaning of each one. So the study Izuna found was way out of date and completely non applicable
Meaning that neither of the bouquets the brothers made say what they mean them to say.
Madara gives Tobirama his flowers. Tobirama looks at Madara. Standing smug and radiating 'I hate your guts' energy.
Tobirama looks at the flowers, which are filled exclusively with sexual innuendos and "I want to ravish you in the fields" flowers. Placed right in the center of the bouquet, higher than all the others, a single bloom that means "passionate forbidden love"
(eternal hatred, the store clerk had assured Madara)
Tobirama looks back at Madara. Still looking smug, staring at him expectantly.
Tobirama turns bright red and power walks away as fast as he can.
Madara takes the redness to mean anger and congratulates himself on a job well done, walking off smug and happy (but maybe a little disappointed there was no yelling. Still, he'd never seen the Senju run away before! Ha)
The next day, it's Izuna's turn.
Tobirama, feeling like someone has to be fucking with him at this point, looks at Izuna. Who is radiating what can only be described as 'I'm going to kill you in your sleep and enjoy it more than anyone should' energy.
Tobirama looks at the flowers, which are filled with meanings of 'innocent love in bloom' and 'soft, secret passion' and 'dreams of a better tomorrow.' Just a bunch of really cute, romantic, soft meanings
And Tobirama just. Once again, turns somehow an even brighter shade of red than the first time and runs away with his tail between his legs.
Izuna, just like his brother, is patting himself on the back for his hard work. Did you see the way he ran? Incredible. Izuna has to do this again to see if it gets the same reaction. Maybe next time he'll fill his office with the flowers...?
(Both times, it should be noted, Tobirama did in fact take the flowers with him)
So, yk, Tobirama has no idea what's going on but feels like there has to be some sort of trick being pulled on him. He can not decide what any of this shit makes him feel
(if only one of the brothers had approached him, maybe he would have tried to reply in kind to their perceived genuineness, but the fact that it was both...? No, no, he can not comprehend what the hell is going on there.)
I think it'd be funny if more Uchiha (or in general just people who disliked Tobirama: of which there were a lot) caught on to this and fell into the same pitfalls as Madara and Izuna. From Tobirama's perspective, suddenly he's so popular? He's never been so popular before? What is going on?
Ok so now. Pivoting. I bring to you: Uchiha Hikaku.
So Tobirama is kind of gravitating towards Hikaku, the only perceived still "normal" person around as every other Uchiha has begun to send him scandalous flowers.
Hikaku is so mellow and normal, it brings Tobirama comfort as he tries to put his head on straight about what the hell is happening otherwise. They got along anyways, they work well together, both are professional and straight to the point men and they get their work done quickly and then go home— just the way they like it.
And so one day, someone tells Hikaku smthn along the lines of "wow Tobirama is so nice to u, u should really count ur blessings you lucky bastard"
And Hikaku is like "Hmm. Perhaps I should show him my gratitude somehow...?" And goes out and ends up at the flower store.
Meanwhile, the flower girl finds that these Uchiha really like their hate flowers. Like, an alarming amount. Hikaku comes in and she's already reaching for the "I want you to die in a fire" dandelions
But no, Hikaku is there for something much more normal. Just a couple small flowers, something simple and professional, to mean smthn along the lines of 'appreciation' and 'hard work'
I'm sure you can see where this is going.
So Hikaku goes in and gives these flowers to Tobirama like I hope to continue our harmonious working relationship. And. Tobirama looks at the flowers.
Which, obviously, do not mean what Hikaku thinks they mean. Instead of 'appreciation' and 'hard work' they instead mean something a little more along the lines of 'quiet loathing' and 'you are a lazy bastard'
And that, my friends, is the story of how Hikaku became the first Uchiha to successfully send Tobirama hate flowers.
(And was also the first Uchiha to not have actually tried sending Tobirama hate flowers.)
Anyways then Izuna and Madara fill Tobirama's office with flowers that alternate meanings of 'lets get married, Im so in love with you, we are soulmates' and 'I want to fuck nasty in the barn out back' and Hashirama sees it and nearly fucking kills them both
