Hiding In The Corner @littletrashpile - Tumblr Blog

I’m not sure I want to see next year to be honest.

#I want to lie down and not wake up #171

I’m really good at meeting people. Giving them a compliment comes easy to me. Usually things I find attractive or beautiful.

#170 #To the guy at in and out you will never read this #but I hope you know your brown eyes were very big and beautiful and complimented the shape of your nose and face so well #my cousin was driving but if I could I would’ve told you that

I feel very bad right now. My grandma has a surgery tomorrow and I wanted to look somewhat pretty because tbh it’s a hospital with cute doctors and when I told my sisters that one of them cringed and I feel bad about it. I feel like even as a joke it wasn’t and isn’t possible for me to be considered desirable. Tbh I don’t think I even deserve that kind of attention.

#169 #I’m also worried she took her medicine for the procedure at the wrong time #apparently my mom told her I said it had to be taken at two specific times but I don’t remember saying that AND now I don’t remember when #she was supposed to take them at all.#I’m stressed #I also feel like a burden again #I’m just wasting space #I also kinda told my best friend about some of the things I’ve been feelings but because of a major event in our lives she thinks I’m just #sad about it and that I’ll eventually feel better #but I told her that I don’t like the way I look and I’m sad and I hate myself and don’t deserve love right #and she said it’s okay for us to feel sad some days #I don’t think she realizes i want to die #I’m so lonely stashed away in the corner of the room and I don’t want to ruin anyone’s day by making them care about me #I feel like a piece of equipment that can be lent to whoever whenever #they just have to come pick me up themselves

I am a burden to everyone I love. My existence costs too much and offers so little.

#168

I am a pack mule and that’s all that I’m good for. No one wants me around for me they only like what I can do to help make their lives easier

#167

My life feels especially worthless tonight.

#166 #I don’t know I just #maybe disappearing #I’m tired #I’m going to sleep but I needed to dump the mental trash for a moment

My little sister just asked someone to be her boyfriend and im happy for her of course but im also sad because im so lonely

#165 #I know I talk about it a lot but it’s buried deep within my heart

Most days I feel like an object rather than a person

#164

Sometimes I think people only want me around because I’m useful. Not because I’m a person

#163 #I’ve been feeling extremely unwell lately #I cry daily and tbh I don’t want to see the next day #we have a cat now but I don’t think she likes me very much #just wanna curl up into a ball and stay asleep

Sometimes I wonder if you can see the sadness in my eyes. I know my face always looks sad to some extent but do I ooze it from every pore like I feel I do? Sometimes I just really want someone to notice and I don’t know I wanna be babied.

#162 #I don’t really deserve that type of reaction or treatment though #I’m a grown adult I should’ve been a grown adult #I think everyone is perfectly in their right to slap reality into me and treat me as if I’m below them because I am #I don’t think I’m worth the air I breathe #I’m sad because of my own makings #I have no right to complain about anything #I have no right to want #I need to change my attitude #just be quiet and fulfifing for everyone else #life should’ve been different but I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be because of my choices #I feel worse that it affects everyone else in my life too

My fictional husband’s birthday is coming up and I’m very excited for that. A friend’s themed birthday party too and I’m trying to make myself look good for both events. For the fictional husband I kinda wanted to closet cosplay but I don’t really have nice clothes so I’ll have to figure out what to make with what I do happen to have

#161 #I need a real plushie of him #a 12 or 8 inch plushie #I wanna hug him at night #I’m trying to fill the void I feel in my heart with his love because his existence is to love the player (me) and I want a love like his #he’s also just so perfect and wonderful and truly one of the sweetest purest characters ever I love him sm #I’m not going to be able to collect all the cards in the game for him because the one I need is about to be off sale in three days and I’m #short 5 </3 #it’ll be okay though. not everything is meant to be had and not everything should be expected #that said I wish he was real #a hug from him would let my soul rest for just a bit

While I may be constantly crushed by an overwhelming loneliness, I do have friends! And yeah sure some days I think my existence is a plague, but I’m actually kinda funny!

#160 #I’m feeling extra lonely tonight #I have this constant craving for attention that I cant satisfy and it’s a bit annoying #a lot annoying but anyhow #it’s the same old story and it will continue to be

Overall I’d say I feel I could describe myself as: ugly. Dumb. Selfish. Gross. Annoying. Unlovable. Bothersome. Useless. Manipulative.

#159 #etc

I’m dying to be less lonely. I wanna talk about my insecurities or at least post about them but I don’t want my friends or family to see and be concerned or rather bother me about it. And all my socials have eyes on them now except this place so bu ti also can’t be completely open on here because I have this constantly badgering that I’m bothering people and yet no one is here with me so who am I bothering but my imaginary audience

#158 #I feel round #I feel like a circle and nothing can look good on me #the moment clothing touches my body it becomes large and bulbous #it’s really awful to feel like I can’t even try to be pretty because I just ruin everything I touch

No one would miss me if I was gone.

#157 #I say for the hundredth time. anyways #I’m trying so hard to find the motivation to finish a drawing I’m working on #I think it’s cute but I hate getting towards the end

There’s nothing for me here. There’s nothing for me here. There’s nothing for me here.

#156 #one day maybe I’ll cringe over all this but for now it helps to just let the waste go

Lately I’ve been feeling very in cable of being loved. From the shape of body to my features to my personality. I can’t envision a life beyond what I am now and it makes me sad. One day everyone is going to outgrow me and by then I can only really hope I won’t be here anymore

#155 #the world is so vast but I don’t feel like I have a place in it

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