⭐️🌙 @lizzard-kween - Tumblr Blog

some customers: oh my god i’m so sorry i have to ask you a question i feel so foolish for not knowing this already please help me but i’m so sorry forgive me other customers: answer this question before i’ve even asked it or i’ll kill you where you stand

kai-ni

#1 has worked in retail

#2 hasn’t

steg-o-sore-us-deactivated20190

phlying-squirrel

THEY WERE ROOMMATES!!

compostcore

One of the biggest reveals of twentygayteen.

antiandrogen

LMAO #LOVEWINS

krabby-kronicle

peelingmandarins

me replying to messages 10 days late and blaming it on my busy schedule to hide the fact that my depression has me thinking simple correspondence is an actual workload:

spacedlexi

if anyone would like to learn a couple tricks for carving pumpkins:

- dont cut out the top to scoop out the seeds, cut out the bottom instead. this way the pumpkin doesnt cave in on itself and lasts longer - sprinkle some cinnamon inside at the top after carving. this way when you put the candle in it smells like pumpkin pie

topsiders-tanlines

this is the quality content I wanna see on my dash

spider-hands-mannos-deactivated

- rub the i sides with lemon after you’re done scooping. This will also help preserve the pumpkin

dashaibo

It’s fucking June, at least wait until the fourth of July, you animal.

frowningfox

I’m sorry, I can’t hear you over the sound of me disemboweling this pumpkin.

robotmango

me, crouched down in front of my tomato plants, examining a pattern of insect bites on their lower leaves: i’m going to fucking kill whoever did this. i’m going to kill them for you. don’t worry, babies. I’m going to murder every single son of a bitch who ever got a mouthful of you. they’ll die screaming

my neighbor, who i did not realize was also outside, standing behind the fence: oh! okay. you’re talking to the plants. okay.

just-shower-thoughts

It’s weird to think that nighttime is the natural state of the universe and daytime is only caused by a nearby, radiating ball of flame.

christchex

Don’t fuck me up like this

clickbaitrobot

Share If You Can Name This Object

personsonable-deactivated201908

shit tickets

unclefather

treygotguap

highmami

IG - queeneirual

Lady in store with pug: He's so cute! He's always snorting and grunting :)

What I said: Awww!

What I thought: He's grunting and snorting because he has chronic breathing problems as a result of being the extremely inbred abomination consequence of man playing God.