I Just Lizzed Myself

Laughing so hard I Whizzed... A collection of internet funnies

[lizzedmypants]

Grown man Elon Musk puts out a call for ... 'ur dankest memes'

These are dad memes not dank memes.

[lizzedmypants]

ExxonMobil CEO Depressed After Realizing Earth Could End Before They Finish Extracting All The Oil

IRVING, TX—In the wake of a report by the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change that projected the planet had only a decade to prevent catastrophic global warming, ExxonMobil CEO Darren Woods was reportedly feeling depressed Wednesday after realizing the Earth could end before they finished extracting all the oil. “When I read about the report, it just hit me like a ton of bricks—we could all die and leave billions of barrels of petroleum trapped in the ground forever,” said Woods, wiping away a tear as he added that the entire oil industry was heartbroken by the thought that they might not have the decades they needed to extract all the oil from the planet as they had originally thought. “We’ve already laid out plans for gas production by future generations of ExxonMobil employees, so it’s just very traumatic for me to consider the idea that they might never get the chance to enjoy the same profits we do now. Just think, one day soon, we’ll all be gone and that oil will still be there in the Earth, never to be removed. It’s a travesty.” At press time, Woods announced ExxonMobil’s plans to quadruple its oil production in an effort to extract it all from the Earth while there was still time.

[blameaspartame-deactivated20200]

[stealthrockdamage-deactivated20]

5-hit fucking combo right here

[pleasedontsqueezetheshhh]

[lizzedmypants]

[lizzedmypants]

[asktaylors-deactivated20121008]

A Koala reflecting on his sins, his triumphs, and the inevitability of death.

[yungpolymath-deactivated2017120]

Yeah, man

[lizzedmypants]

Keanu Reeves

[waitinforthebus-deactivated2020]

ring around the rosie

pocket full of

[omidspissedoffcat-deactivated20]

my blogging technique is staying gone for a while and then posting 20 posts persecond

[monstergagaholic]

[puzzylipz]

[gillpickle-deactivated20160716]

*shania twain voice* looks like we made it

[r-plante-deactivated20190923]

[lizzedmypants]

Murry Christmas!

[aru]

Tumblr Code.

[geekishchic]

If I ever see any of you in public, the code is “I like your shoelaces”

that way we know we’re from tumblr without revealing anything

I’m just going to say this to strangers until i find a tumblr person

must keep reblogering!! Im going to be so suspicious if any one tells me this now!

Remember the answer is: I stole them from the president.

always reblog tumblr identification

[owl-recluse-deactivated20150626]

[lizzedmypants]

For all the Christmas haters out there

[lizzedmypants]

Just Martha Stewart eating a Taco Bell burrito and drinking a 40oz of OE

[reallyreallyreallytrying]

best sexuel position is 609 (girl lie one way, boy lie other way, dragon egg between them is incubated by their body heat)

[lizzedmypants]

Um, this just made me use the word "chuckle"

[misterwonka]

[misterwonka]