I do not know what I'm doing

I just really love musical theatre

[lizzybennet23]

You know how Romeo et Juliette has Death/La Mort as a physical character? 

Imagine Benvolio, at the end of the musical, shouting “Look around, look around, isn’t THIS enough?! What would be enough?!” at Death for taking his (boy)friend, cousin, and like, 4 other people. 

[lizzybennet23]

Charmante

Romeo pulls an Anatole Kuragin and has Mercutio “seduce” Juliet for him. 

In other words, Mercutio wears a fabulous green dress and sings “OH HOW SHE BLUSHES HOW SHE BLUSHES MY PRETTY” at Juliet. 

[lizzybennet23]

First Impressions

I’d like to think that Benvolio and Mercutio had a Helpless-esque meet-cute at a ball.

But knowing both of them, their first impressions of each other was probably more along the lines of:

Benvolio, about Mercutio: Unusually and exceedingly peculiar and altogether quite impossible to describe...?

Mercutio, about Benvolio after a single glance: Blond.

[lizzybennet23]

Me, every time Mercutio and Benvolio appear: LOOK AT MY SON! PRIDE IS NOT THE WORD I’M LOOKING FOR

[lizzybennet23]

Farmer Refuted but

Farmer Refuted but it’s between Romeo and Mercutio on the subject of love. 

Romeo is spewing his newest bad poetry dedicated to his latest maiden of obsession, and Mercutio is publicly criticizing Romeo’s entire existence. 

Benvolio: Mercutio, please–

Mercutio: BEN, I’D RATHER BE NIHILISTIC THAN–

Mercutio: 

Mercutio: *exasperated gestures at Romeo*

Mercutio: –THIS, DROP THE NICETIES

[lizzybennet23]

Sometimes I think about Benvolio singing What Would I Do? from Falsettos to Mercutio, and then I get really sad. 

[lizzybennet23]

If had any drawing skills, I would draw Mercutio, Benvolio, and Romeo as the Schuyler Sisters.

But I have no drawing skills, so I’m just sad. 

[lizzybennet23]

Romeo and Juliet 3.1.88-89

I’d like to imagine that by “for Mercutio’s soul is but a little way above our heads,” Romeo meant that Mercutio was singing I’m Alive from Next to Normal right above them. 

Pole-dancing and all that jazz, just going “I’M ALIVE I’M ALIVE I AM SO ALIVE”

Cause that’s the kind of shit Mercutio would pull off

[sidecast-text]

Romeo doesn’t say no to anything

literally not even inspiration, this is the whole thing

[lizzybennet23]

Omg, I love this??? 

[lizzybennet23]

Romeo and Juliet but

Romeo and Juliet but every time Romeo makes a bad decision, Say No To This from Hamilton plays. 

Romeo sees Juliet– NO!

Romeo takes Juliet’s hands– NO!

Romeo kisses Juliet– SAY NO TO THIS!

Romeo stalks Juliet on her balcony– NO!

Romeo gets engaged to Juliet– NO!

Romeo gets married to Juliet– SAY NO TO THIS!

Romeo gets in between Tybalt and Mercutio– NO!!!!

Romeo kills Tybalt– NO!

Romeo drinks the poison, thinking that Juliet is dead– SAY NO TO THIS!!!!

[lizzybennet23]

So I wrote this Bencutio crack fic on AO3 a while ago. It’s short and based on some lyrics from Les Mis, so possibly...validate me?

[lizzybennet23]

Romeo: Hey coz, I heard that Tybalt was talking shit about you.

Benvolio: *sips tea* It matters not, for his words alone will never be enough to destroy my dignity.

Romeo: Apparently this was at the Prince’s house

Benvolio: *spits out tea*

Benvolio: I GOTTA GO, I GOTTA FIND MERCUTIO

Romeo: ???

Benvolio: HE’LL CONSIDER THIS A PERSONAL SLANDER! I’VE GOTTA STOP A HOMICIDE

Romeo: O H

[lizzybennet23]

Duels

I feel like Benvolio and Mercutio’s attitude toward duels is just

Benvolio: NEGOTIATE A PEACE

Mercutio: o r  n e g o t i a t e  a  t i m e  a n d  p l a c e 

Benvolio: NO

[lizzybennet23]

“Here’s an itemized list of 30 years of disagreements”

Like how Alex kept an itemized list of disagreements between himself and Burr, I like to think Benvolio kept a similar list but for all the instances Mercutio got into a fight.

Benvolio: Mercutio, there are over five dozen instances filed under “Tybalt Capulet.” The fact that you’re alive is practically a miracle!

Mercutio: *shrugs* I couldn’t seem to die

Tybalt: Wait for it, wait for it, wait...

[lizzybennet23]

Something popped into my head

Mercutio, drunk: Benvolio.

Benvolio: Yes?

Mercutio: Your name.

Benvolio: Yes, Mercutio, that would be my name.

Mercutio: Your name literally means “good will.”

Benvolio: *sigh* I know. It’s silly. For some reason, my parents thought it would be a good idea–

Mercutio: That’s adorable.

Benvolio: *blushing* Oh... Thank you??

[drawn-and-talk-of-peace]

You ever look at Benvolio and just wonder… what are you doing on the floor while your friend is getting into trouble with Tybalt?

[lizzybennet23]

If my best friend was determinedly trying to get themselves killed, I would be sobbing on the floor too

[lizzybennet23]

After Day 1 of Knowing Juliet

Romeo: Juliiiiiieeeet, Juliiiiiiiieeeet, her arms, her shoulders, her neck, her feet…. I WILL MAKE LOVE TO HER

Is this not what happened