amber ✪

the secret history based - original character - love , dorian ( he / him , 17)

[ljterariness]

hi tumblr rp !! i'm aware we're very inactive ( i'm pretty sure tsh rp is dead here actually ) but i last rp'd on tumblr in early 2020 before

i'm dorian ( 17 , he/him ) bringing my original character , amber kinton to tumblr . as much as amber wanted to study greek - she was turned away , she then chose english literature instead . i have so so much on her && can't wait to develop with anyone !!! ( i luv crossovers <3 )

[disenchanteds]

a swiftie's non-swiftie mutuals are god's strongest soldiers

[disenchanteds]

adding some important context:

[wearenotjustnumbers2]

Must watch. For anyone wondering about the Palestinian government or authorities outside of gaza. You should watch this, there is no one protecting Palestinians, they're occupied and israeli settlers have the same green light to do whatever evil just as the soldiers. If someone can add a description I'd appreciate it.

DON'T SKIP. IMPORTANT.

[ljterariness]

sometimes i think about how i've never shared my tsh opinions on the internet , only drabbled thanks to amber the unsociable bitch 🩷 so if anyone would like to hear that let me know !!!

[ljterariness]

tw - themes of murder , thoughts of su!cide

this is just a little deviation from amber-canon , her involvement in the secret history doesn't even lead her into the main plot but i thought it'd be fun to think of how she'd behave if in that situation . to all you canon sticklers don't be mad , she's just a girl and this is just ideas . to help with following along i wrote a little list of the traits i believe amber would have pre-hampden just for some consistency !

- jealous

- complacent

- optimistic

- nieve

- logical

i think she'd be very quiet in classes at first , something about each of their classmates makes her uncomfortable . she does the work at rather an average , doesn't contribute in class for fear of being wrong . she does eventually though , i like to think she'd have to spark a friendship with one of the others first - perhaps bunny or camila . amber would be much more comfortable after that ; perhaps feeling like this is her opportunity to prove herself , that she is worthy of being there .

being involved in exclusivity would subdue the jealousy she'd felt for most of her life , she'd be much less angry at the world and much more subdued . it'd be the first time in her life amber had felt a sense of inclusivity , like she had people to just , exist with . instead of being jealous of each member of the class , she'd admire them , wordless respect .

i believe she'd struggle after the bacchanal ( yes i'm convinced she'd be a part , see point complacent (( if someone she associates with / sees as a friend tells her an idea she's almost bound to agree )) but yes she'd struggle . she resists the urge to leave , go home . amber wouldn't , fear of the word home among a refusal to demonstrate cowardice . she's on edge constantly , doesn't go outside unless she has good reason , it makes her physically sick more often than not . she found her usual optimism drained , everything that she loved about life was enough to make her hate it . she's not proud of herself but she makes it through . that she tells herself it'll pass .

when the death of bunny is approached as a topic , she doesn't actively contest it . she justifies it as logical - a him or us situation . she thinks about su!cide , the idea that she could just get out of it but that too , feels cowardly . tells herself that bunny is the obstacle stopping her from a good year . but of course she feels guilty even to consider it: it felt like there was a distinct line between the manslaughter of an unknown farmer and the murder of someone she considered a friend . she lets it happen , lets the event pass and the guilt come later .

it's like everyone's fine after - from amber's skewed perception anyways . she cries about it a lot , not just sadness for a death , but guilt too . it makes her feel unclean . she sleeps for a day at a time , late assignments and poor eating habits and she's constantly ill . she knows she's cracking , that complacence and "it'll pass" has lead her to something she cannot pass . days pass without her leaving her dorm , and it's like she's 19 again - stuck in her bedroom . but there's no mother to stop her from leaving . but there's guilt in the weight of the door-handle in her palm .

julian leaves and why would she stay in classes after that ? she's ready to leave even moreso now , to cut her losses pack her bags and go to sleep in the silence of her childhood bedroom . and then henry shoots himself and richard's been shot and god why even try ? she doesn't say her goodbyes , not to any of the mismatches friends that she'd bonded with over something so terrible .

she returns to reclucivity , the books in her room and the knowledge of the world she experienced . she sleeps in her childhood bed for days at a time , she drinks when she feels like it and eat when she remembers . it's not a life really , but she lead herself there .

[francisfuckingabernathy]

Does anyone else remember how throughout a good part of The Secret History Richard was probably wearing a tie that had little pictures of men hunting deer on it, and every now and again he found it important to note this even though it had nothing to do with anything go on?

[ljterariness]

at some point i am going to reread the secret history , i'm going to look out for any unnamed female character and if there's ANYTHING amber - esque about them that's my proof that amber's canon

[nativenews]

[ljterariness]

the thing is , no one can tell me amber wasn't canon other than donna tartt herself , because she's so insignificant , really . she has no effect on the actual plot , or even involvement . she just exists , in hampden . so amber kinton is canon until proven otherwise lads and ladettes

[digitlangl]

sometimes i think about how when richard papen got shot he just sat there politely and waited for everyone to stop yelling at each other before announcing that hey guys I was fucking shot btw

[ljterariness]

i didn't want to make this account a side-blog because my girl amber deserves a whole blog to herself but it's very inconvenient when i have to constantly switch accounts i really didnt think this through

[utterlyconfusedacademia]

When M. L. Rio said “What is more important, that Caesar is assassinated or that he is assassinated by his intimate friends?” friendships were broken.

[ljterariness]

what if i made a sideblog jusy for meredith dardenne content and analysis ?

[betryl]

We've all heard about that one bacchanal theory – that it wasn't them who killed the farmer, but a mountain lion. It's all left vague enough for anyone to decide whether to believe it or not, but the reason why I love it and think it could make the whole story even better if it were true is because it would add to how meaningless everything was.

The five of them had a motive to want Bunny gone, which was definitely not enough to justify their action in the first place anyways, but it still made sense. Bunny knew they had killed a man and the only way they found to prevent him from spilling their secret was getting rid of him. From their twisted point of view, it was necessary.

But if they hadn't actually killed that man? Bunny would have been murdered for nothing. Bunny's death, Henry's death, everything that followed that one night would have been caused just by a big misunderstanding.

Of course, the first murder wasn't the only thing that pushed them to commit the second one, and actually we could argue it wasn't even the main reason why they did it and maybe they would have done it even under different circumstances, maybe they were always going to end up like that – but still, what happened then was the practical catalyst for all the rest. So if that wasn't their fault, then there was no actual reason for things to go as horribly as they did.

It really makes it all look even more like something out of a Greek tragedy. Everything could have been easily avoided, hadn't they been so hubristic. But instead they played gods, payed the price, and brought their own fate upon themselves.

[ljterariness]

amber and jealousy , because apparently one rambling wasn't enough today

it starts young , with her sisters . olive and violet , close in age looks and personality . they'd talk to and from school , over the dinner table , freely with shanon (mother) . they have everything she doesn't and it eats away at her , she feels it burn beneath her skin as she cuts into her dinner . silent as always .

olive and violet grow up before she does , they graduate and begin families , they don't live at home anymore . amber is jealous of that too . she spends her days with math she doesn't understand , writing on books she's already read . her sisters have grown past that , they're unaware of the silence they've left behind in exchange for their own lives .

olive dies . hardly lived and leaving behind a son . amber doesn't consider it significant , it is . the jealousy subsides for a while - it'd be disrespectful really . she plays role of dutiful grieving sister but is really only grieving for monotony . because nothing is really quite the same after .

she's jealous of her classmates too , as they walk for graduation . they have family out there cheering for them , colleges to go to and people to celebrate with . amber has bags full of books stolen from her school's library , in exchange for walking . and her sister , violet (alive) waiting to drive her home . so she has every right to be jealous really , it's another cliché she's robbed of .

it spreads as she begins college , being cooped up for a year , next to silent can do that to a person surprisingly . she's jealous of the greek class: of bunny , henry , camila , charles and francis . what they must have that she's lacking in . she knows languages - latin and spanish , so it's not even like she'd be incompetent . amber's aware when she sees them about , their better than - almost uneasy demeanour . so yes - she is jealous . not that she'd ever admit it .

parties aren't a rarity , warm beer clutched in hand as amber clings to the wall - or cigarette ( she only picked it up for something to do ) clutched in hand as she sat in the cool night air . she envied the people who had the courage to get up and dance , talk to a stranger or take someone's hand . she seethed with jealousy , bottled it up for each year of existence . anyone who seemed to be able to socialise was an inconvenience .

richard papen , who managed to study greek . who joined the class late after she'd been turned down . it was an endless loop of discontent really , and soon enough he seemed to absorb the sense they carried around . it was like the world was laughing at her . each thing she longed for was just out of her grasp , just enough for someone else and god - wasn't it her turn ?

to be jealous of a tragedy was sickening really , amber knows this . but wasn't it all like the crime novels she'd read ? it just made amber feel odd , she knows what she knows , is aware its an accident . but it's all so unnerving that she feels the desperation to be there , watch him fall with her own eyes . and it's disgusting and she feels it because amber doesn't control her emotions these days , she just follows them blindly .

[ljterariness]

just a silly ramble about amber in comparison to dear reader by taylor swift

first of all to address whatever's being said insinuates an audience on the other end : that this has been practiced and written , perhaps like a book .

" dear reader if it feels like a trap you're already in one " - we begin in amber's year post college , trapped at home . she knows she is stuck , unsure how to get past that . her only solace is literature - and an endless monologue in her head to go with , reminders that she's missing out on life , that her piers are aging without her .

" desert all your past lives , and if you don't recognise yourself that means you did it right " upon moving to hampden she does her best to reinvent herself in a way , become more social , change her appearance . anything to appear versed in society, not to appear unsure . she didn't always quite fit in but it was enough for her to try , to act like she understood what she was doing .

" dear reader , you don't have to answer just cause they asked you " when applying to hampden she attempted to gain a place in the greek class , was rejected . amber , who'd dedicated time to spanish and latin was rejected . she needlessly took this personally , kept her language learning close to herself after that - her own needless secret . like she had something to be ashamed of .

" so i wander through these nights , i prefer hiding in plain sight " amber was a wallflower at many a college party , spent plenty of time in the library . other than lessons that would be the only time she left her dorm ; regardless of how she tried she was still a recluse. she noticed various people and couldn't help but be somewhat envious of strangers , would be glad to be anyone else .

"where i pace in my pen cause my friends found friends who care" even though amber can now go outside , is free to leave whenever she wants , she finds herself so often laid in bed with a book - reminiscent of old habits . she knew people , but she still didn't find herself with close friends . she couldn't help but want for more , anyone to feel close to or just a friend .

okay this got too long and i started sounding pretentious and shes my least favourite minor character ever

[arcanumsposts]

is it just me, but in my opinion the greek class at hampden would not like the shakespearen thespians of dellecher… i don’t know, they would share a common interest in arts and literature but to me the group of seven in iwwv remind me of judy poovey and her friends. i’m still reading iwwv so i’ll keep updating, but my brain keeps going to the masterpiece of the secret history.