#tw sui reference

[1-wonder-1]

Idk it’s been a while since I posted any doodles and I had one (1!) idea 🙏💔

Au masterpost!

[poeticrambler]

Do I entertain you

Do you like what I provide

Am I so easy to obtain

That you push me to the side

Should I grow cold and detached

Remove myself from your grasp

Will you care to seek me then

When I become what you can not have

If I took back what I provide

Would I be worth your time then

Would you take notice of my absence

Or would you find a new funny friend

I will sit and I will wait

To see if something might change

But even I do not care for my life

Why should I expect you to do the same

[ljterariness]

tw - themes of murder , thoughts of su!cide

this is just a little deviation from amber-canon , her involvement in the secret history doesn't even lead her into the main plot but i thought it'd be fun to think of how she'd behave if in that situation . to all you canon sticklers don't be mad , she's just a girl and this is just ideas . to help with following along i wrote a little list of the traits i believe amber would have pre-hampden just for some consistency !

- jealous

- complacent

- optimistic

- nieve

- logical

i think she'd be very quiet in classes at first , something about each of their classmates makes her uncomfortable . she does the work at rather an average , doesn't contribute in class for fear of being wrong . she does eventually though , i like to think she'd have to spark a friendship with one of the others first - perhaps bunny or camila . amber would be much more comfortable after that ; perhaps feeling like this is her opportunity to prove herself , that she is worthy of being there .

being involved in exclusivity would subdue the jealousy she'd felt for most of her life , she'd be much less angry at the world and much more subdued . it'd be the first time in her life amber had felt a sense of inclusivity , like she had people to just , exist with . instead of being jealous of each member of the class , she'd admire them , wordless respect .

i believe she'd struggle after the bacchanal ( yes i'm convinced she'd be a part , see point complacent (( if someone she associates with / sees as a friend tells her an idea she's almost bound to agree )) but yes she'd struggle . she resists the urge to leave , go home . amber wouldn't , fear of the word home among a refusal to demonstrate cowardice . she's on edge constantly , doesn't go outside unless she has good reason , it makes her physically sick more often than not . she found her usual optimism drained , everything that she loved about life was enough to make her hate it . she's not proud of herself but she makes it through . that she tells herself it'll pass .

when the death of bunny is approached as a topic , she doesn't actively contest it . she justifies it as logical - a him or us situation . she thinks about su!cide , the idea that she could just get out of it but that too , feels cowardly . tells herself that bunny is the obstacle stopping her from a good year . but of course she feels guilty even to consider it: it felt like there was a distinct line between the manslaughter of an unknown farmer and the murder of someone she considered a friend . she lets it happen , lets the event pass and the guilt come later .

it's like everyone's fine after - from amber's skewed perception anyways . she cries about it a lot , not just sadness for a death , but guilt too . it makes her feel unclean . she sleeps for a day at a time , late assignments and poor eating habits and she's constantly ill . she knows she's cracking , that complacence and "it'll pass" has lead her to something she cannot pass . days pass without her leaving her dorm , and it's like she's 19 again - stuck in her bedroom . but there's no mother to stop her from leaving . but there's guilt in the weight of the door-handle in her palm .

julian leaves and why would she stay in classes after that ? she's ready to leave even moreso now , to cut her losses pack her bags and go to sleep in the silence of her childhood bedroom . and then henry shoots himself and richard's been shot and god why even try ? she doesn't say her goodbyes , not to any of the mismatches friends that she'd bonded with over something so terrible .

she returns to reclucivity , the books in her room and the knowledge of the world she experienced . she sleeps in her childhood bed for days at a time , she drinks when she feels like it and eat when she remembers . it's not a life really , but she lead herself there .

[thel4ughingf1sh]

Microdosing attempting by becoming a lollipop lady

[soul-the-silly]

pov when u lowkey had the shitty day after putting it (the feelings) off for too long and got to the worst point mentally you’ve ever had but you lowkey lived for improv comedy

[melucia-vents]

I WAS GOOD. I WAS REALLY GOOD.

pulls a Neil Perry

[sleepymushrxxm]

When homie sends that "thanks for everything" text