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21/'she' pronouns/senior in college/just trying to be great

[llllovinit]

Sometimes….you have to let some people go. And that shit hurts like hell but it’s for your growth and improvement.

[llllovinit]

I’m going to try to get on Anti Depressants Thursday (I have an appointment). I have been feeling worst than ever and it doesn’t help that I live alone so my thoughts just roam.

Memories just blend and I don’t know what’s true and what’s not true.

[llllovinit]

You can give someone everything and it will never be enough. I think my daddy issues run deep because I feel I have to be the best person possible in order to feel love and the minute that shit doesn’t work out, I’m criticizing what I did wrong. I’m always trying to people please everybody and for what??

I turn 29 years old Saturday, back in my mom’s apartment sleeping on the couch. No privacy and nothing to call my own but the clothes I wear. I feel like shit. Look like shit. And I’m just sad all the fucking time.

[llllovinit]

Day 1 of being intentional:

Went out for lunch and got a salad.

Drinking water all day

Been applying sunscreen every 2 hours

Going to workout today at 8

[llllovinit]

Finally took a shower and took my time. Treated myself like a goddess and it felt good.

[llllovinit]

I really just want to start investing in my looks. Like overall I want to be a more well rounded person. But I really want my inside to match my outside because I don’t think I’m a bad person.

[llllovinit]

Who is reading or has read Psychic Princess? Is it worth my time? I started reading Monday and I’m already on chapter 100 but it’s like 500+

[llllovinit]

I fell off hard but that comeback baby…about to be like a Mariah Carey run 05

[puffsaddy]

so much more to do, so much room to grow.

[llllovinit]

Sometimes you have to let people go. As sad as this is, as long as it wasn’t too damaging, if they were meant for you, and you have the heart to forgive, they will come back. Hopefully healed and ready.

[llllovinit]

Going to ask my boyfriend who putting much been staying at his moms house since Christmas Eve to go no contact. I just can’t do the half ass conversation and the late night talks. I feel like a dirty kept secret or something for entertainment.

It hurts but rather learn how to live without you than live with you and be miserable.

[llllovinit]

Season 2 of Castlevania N has really made me want to get in touch with my spirituality.

Also side note, it’s saying something that when Erzsebet received the souls, she was a demon creature compared to Annette who legit was a walking goddess…

I need someone to talk to about this season

[llllovinit]

I think it hurts when a relationship you saw going far and forever all of a sudden just become a shell of what it used to be.

Time that you spent with that person is nonexistent and now you can’t even tell them what they are currently interested in.

Feelings that were so true and honest are now jumbled up and confusing.

[llllovinit]

Day 1:

I have my own weird relationship with my mom. I’m the oldest so all my life, I have been tasked with different jobs and responsibilities that honestly a child shouldn’t have to do or even think about. But I did them and I didn’t complain, why because I wanted to help. I still do. I’ll drop anything for my family. It’s weird when you finally move out and you aren’t a call (not phone call but actual yell out) away. The requests are at the worst time(they were already) and you’re never given patience. It’s sad that the oldest is never given patience and space. I hate it.

[llllovinit]

I think I’m going to start back using my tumblr for a place to release my thoughts and feelings

[llllovinit]

I have a new story about star-crossed lovers

A witch and an alien reunited after 10 years apart. Science vs. magic. The things that separates them are bigger than space.

[llllovinit]

Went to take my physical and drug test today for a permanent position at my job. First was the drug test which I frankly could not do. Not because I smoke or do any drugs but because I have pee shyness. I have been to doctors offices where it took me two hours to pee before. I don’t know why? I can chug water until it hurts but I can’t pee. While I was waiting for the water to catch up to my bladder, I did the physical part of my test. Seems like my weight has increased and none of it went to the places that matter. Plus I haven’t been to the gym in weeks because my job just makes me so tired after work.

Finally after one hour, I could pee. I peed and got into traffic to head home. This day has just made me look at myself because 1) I still live at home 2) I’m not in good shape 3) no relationship (which isn’t needed but damn) 4) I’m bored with life