Untitled

occasionally write in English

[lnsfawwi]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

Summary: It was a good day, he supposed, Molly was safe, Seaver was alright, and he was too.

TW: eating disorders

[lnsfawwi]

Carolina brought the kids back to San Paulo for Easter, Kaka due to training schedules stayed in Madrid. Cris invited him to family dinner, it was Easter after all.

'do you know they have celebrations for the holy week in Valencia?'

'as opposed to Madrid?'

Kaka chuckled, 'no. They have very special ceremonies. It'd be interesting to see.' he smiled suggestively.

Cris wouldn't really call himself a Christian, despite his very own name. He had never heard of such special ceremonies, nor did he care much about Easter.

Kaka was one of the most religious person he's ever met. The tale of him and Carolina saving themselves for marriage was quite popular. He went to church every Sunday if he had the chance, he dedicated his goals to God, he prayed, when things were tough.

Sometimes Cris wondered if Kaka felt guilty over their affair. Other times, though, when -like right now- Cris caught Kaka's eyes on him with such fondness and happiness, he doubted that love was something someone should feel guilty over.

'hell, why not.' he answered.

[lnsfawwi]

it's funny to see the pitt wakes up the dormant criminal minds fandom bc of old men yaoi😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[dyscomancer]

[lnsfawwi]

i think it's fucked up that no one warns you about all the negative feelings you'd experience in a relationship.

it's not just hurt when you're betrayed, it's not just being forced apart by parents or career

it's the anxiety by inadequacy, it's the nonsensical jealousy of their pals, it's the frustrations with yourself as you realize your character flaws as well as theirs, it's the painstaking process of learning to compromise

and not everyone can handle all those

[lnsfawwi]

thinking about how caws didn't adopt Bucky's mask but made one muzzle that's the symbolic opposite but complimentary in shape of Steve's helmet😭😭😭

[maggiecheung-archive-deactivate]

That Scene™ from Captain America: The First Avenger vs. the screenplay

[countessravengrey]

Did not know this…

[incorrect-marvel-because-why-not]

So it was originally even gayer, somehow.

[a-hyperfixating-fanatic]

the script

it’s gayer than most would realize

[lnsfawwi]

the line here would be fitting for any other movie, making the transition of 'the guy' to 'the hero'.

but they changed it so the scene actually did the reverse of the transition, Steve went from captain American back to the kid from Brooklyn, to Bucky's Steve. also they did a call back in the final arc, where the hero status is supposed to be officially established&sealed.

it gay bro

[lnsfawwi]

Ace Alpha Bucky x Omega Steve:

When Steve presented as omega, only 15 years old at the time, Steve got so sick he had to be sent to the hospital. The doctor told them that it was probably due to Steve's poor health, that it was going to get better once his body accepted the intense heat cycle but still unlikely to be painless.

'Maybe an Alpha in his life can help.' said the doctor.

There was an Alpha in Steve’s life and that was Bucky. He presented as Alpha just 2 months ago, and it was a fairly mild process. Except for the constant boner and mood swings, he felt fine. When he smelt the unusually intense smell of Steve his Alpha instinct was flared up instantly, however in a more protective manner than sexual.

It was confusing, somewhat of a relief too. For a while now Bucky had suspected that he might be homosexual. He had lost himself many times in those baby blue eyes, felt the fluttering of his heart at the sound of Steve’s laughter, and the dread of almost losing him to some illness.

Maybe it was just brotherhood. He was at the age when kids started to fantasize about romance after all. Maybe he wasn't sick or going to hell. Maybe everything would be normal again.

But it never did.

He couldn't explain the feelings he had for Steve that he he never had for girls, it wasn't the same he had for Becca. It was...something else.

He grew up listening to other alpha boys talking about the 'sweet sweet scent' of omega girls, so dreamy like a fairytale. He'd kissed girls, had felt their soft breasts and their delicate hands on his dick, but nothing came to. Their scents were undeniably pleasant, in the same way that flowers were pleasant, didn't mean he wanted to fuck flowers.

Steve's scent was pleasant too, but there was something more than just pleasant. It was calming, after a whole day's work Steve's scent made him relax, it to Bucky felt like home. It was attractive, Bucky could hold Steve and drank in the smell and that wouldn't be enough. And when Steve was in heat, the Alpha in him would kill anyone who even look at Steve the wrong way, and he'd wear Steve's smell like a badge of honor, people's judgemental looks be damned.

When in heat, Steve would cling to him like a dying man, pressing their bodies together as if only by melting their bodies together could cure the pain. To ease the pain, Steve sometimes would seek out some random alpha who'd take him. As unpopular as Steve was, there were a lot of alphas who were just willing to take any omega in heat.

It didn't help much so Steve eventually stopped, finding solace only in Bucky's embrace.

Then war happened, Bucky was shipped out, Steve joined the army and somehow became a national symbol. The serum didn't change his gender, it did, however, fixed the pain that came with heat.

There were no short supply of women, omegas, betas and alphas, even a few men, who'd be more than glad to have Captain America's dick/ass. Steve regretted that he didn't bring a piece of clothing of Bucky's when he left for the tour.

Then the war happened to him. If anything, he got Bucky back along with some great men he could call friends.

They were at the Polish/German border in the summer of '44 when Steve's heat hit.

The Howlies all were alphas, Steve's scent was so damn strong they had to take a patrol just to stay far away from him. Bucky remained, of course, guarding the door to Steve's room and taking care of the man whom Bucky could barely recognize physically yet still so painfully familiar by scent and touch, by heart and blood.

Steve was curled by in the makeshift nest, sweating a little but otherwise fine.

'I see that the serum fixed the heat as well, huh?'

'It did.'

'now you don't gotta listen to all the find an alpha bullshit.'

Steve thought about it, maybe it's the hormone, maybe it's because they've had brushes with death way too many times, he asked, 'why don't you want me?'

'what?'

'why don't you want me?' he repeated, 'I'm an omega in heat and you're...' he gestured to Bucky's presence.

Bucky didn't answer.

'Do you have someone?' Steve asked, though he knew the answer.

'no.'

'okay.'

That night they had sex. It was hard to say who initiated it - maybe Steve rubbed his hip on Bucky's dick first, maybe Bucky kissed Steve's neck first - it just happened. They were kissing and biting and trying to melt into one in the nest.

It was all new and exciting to Bucky, The tightness of his balls, the tension building up in his groin and the release. Yet no physical pleasure could compete with the love that threatened to burst out of his chest as he felt the warmth radiating from Steve, the ways that the slightest touch could send Steve trembling and moaning and through the peak and watching Steve come again and again as he repeated his name like a prayer.

It was clear now to Bucky that he'd always wanted Steve, maybe not sexually but definitely romantically, and Steve had always felt the same. For every time Bucky allowed himself to indulge in Steve's scent after a long day, Steve was lost in the intimacy too, and for every second they were apart, the ache inside was something even the serum couldn't cure.

They've always loved each other, belonged to each other.

They didn't mark each other, of course, since they didn't want to face court martial.

That was how Steve died, an unmarked yet loved omega.

。

。

。

Or at least that was what he had wanted, not the unmarked the part. the dying part.

[lnsfawwi]

can we talk about the fact that Steve's face doesn't trigger Bucky's memory but 'I'm with you till the end of line' did?

Bucky never got used to big Steve😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[lnsfawwi]

This is stupid.

Bucky remembers an internet post, about how blind people don't see black, they see nothing. The world is just a endless void to them.

The blackness seems just that, an endless void, one that's expanding and consuming everyone, everything.

Isn't it great, just when he decided that he wants to live and actually do something.

'alright,' he concedes, 'see you guys on the other side.'

Ava nods, steps into the darkness first, her body becomes a shadow on the ground that is gone not a second later.

Alexei yells in Russian, 'Lena I'm coming for you.' as he too disappears, while John grinds his teeth and dash into it with the determination of a soldier ready to die.

Bucky wishes Steve was here.

An explosion shakes him to his consciousness. Screams, shouts, gun fire, the smell of torched meat and blood. Instinct before sight tells him that he's on a battlefield, and he is being bombarded by the enemy. He jumps into the trench right in front of him, keeping his head down before taking in the sight around him.

Soldiers...American soldiers in WW2 uniforms...

'Don't move from your position! Keep down!' That sounds like his own voice.

'Sarge! Oh god...Sarge, look!'

Bucky looks over to the source of the voice. It's Private Will Keating, a 20 year old kid from Long Island. Bucky remembers the kid saying he was planning on going to Harvard before the war broke out. The plan was never reaized because he never had a chance to go home from the war.

Bucky saw himself - so young, so innocent - peeking out from the trench. A blue light flashes. Bucky didn't have to look to know what he - sargeant barne is seeing. That's his first encounter with Hydra.

More men stand up from hiding out of pure shock.

'What the hell.' Dugen mutters.

'sarge...' another soldier, by the name of Mortens asks shakingly.

No. No, don't do it. Don't surrender. People are going to die, being tortured. You will live but it's worse than dying, hundred times worse. People will die but not you, no, you will live to kill hundreds more.

'we...' the young sergeant takes a deep breath, 'we have to surrender. We'll hold on strong until rescue is here, okay?'

People hesitate fr a while, then one of them drops the gun, then another, and another...

'you are making a mistake.' Bucky pleads to his younger self, who is unaware of the nightmares ahead. But the young commander can't hear him. Dropping the weapons, the young men follow their sergeant out of the trenches.

'no, come back!' Bucky reaches for Will, who died in Hydra's lab. Like a flash, the kid turns his mudded face towards him and shots him on the chest with a dead look.

'This all starts with you.'

That's the last thing Bucky hears before darkness engulfs him.

-

An explosion shakes him to his consciousness. Screams, shouts, gun fire, the smell of torched meat and blood. Instinct before sight tells him that he's on a battlefield, and he is being bombarded by the enemy.

Fuck, it's a loop.

Bucky jumps into the trench. There's no time to wallow, he has a mission.

There has got to be a way out of this scene. Every scene has a door, he's been this kind of situation before when Shuri decoded him. He only has to find it.

The trenches are a dead end, the field is far away from base, there's only one way to go.

As soldiers pop up from their position to the sight of Hydra's alien tech tank, Bucky jumps out, running at full speed towards the tank. Hydra tries to shoot him but he's too fast. Bucky jumps on top of the vehicle, rips off the door with his left arm and jumps in.

It's cold, no, it's freezing. He sees white. He sees red. He sees himself.

It's the bottom of the Alpes.

The Bucky Barnes that fell is uncounsious. It's for the better anyway, it hurt like hell.

Bucky remembers the fall, Steve reaching for him, Steve who went on a suicide mission because he was so devastated, whom he failed...

FOCUS ON THE MISSION.

Bucky starts to run, trying to find the door to whatever is next. But the canyon is so vast, so deep down, so lifeless. His heartbeat gets louder and louder as his breath gets heavier. Panic builds up inside of him with despair.

He comes back to himself, who's lying on the ground, only half dead.

There are way worse things than death.

Bucky lets out a frustrated growl. He hates others messing with his mind. He can't let that happen anymore. Think, Bucky, what would Steve do?

If there's no way, punch a way out.

-

He is on a roof top of a building in Sarajevo.

-

He is faced with a group of young girls in Red Room.

-

He shoots Steve in the stomach.

-

'Where the fuck are you, Bob?'

Bucky shouts to no one as he stumbles into another event in his life that he would much rather not relive - the bunker in Siberia. On the other end of the room, Steve, him, and Stark are approaching Zemo.

'I will find you.' He continues searching, not for any door but one that'll lead him to Bob and Yelena. 'I gotta save Yelena, you know. No offence but uh, the only time we met you ripped my arm off, so I'm not a big fan of yours, but she has a soft spot for you, and it didn't turn out so great for her so far. I gotta get her outta here one way or another, and I'd prefer if it's the easier way.'

Bucky never knew Yelena from the Red Room. By the time she's old enough for training, Bucky was already put to cryo, and brainwashed every time before and after a mission. Natalia talked about her once or twice, that her little sister was blonde, and that she liked soccer.

Bucky owes it to Nat to keep her save.

They never had a choice, all the things they went through, the pain they suffered and the ones they inflicted on the world, the shame, the helplessness, the void inside. They never had a chance at living.

Not until now. They made a choice to come back to fight Sentry knowing it's a losing fight, they made a choice to step into the void. They made a choice to not be exalted heroes but the kind of person whom they can live with. And to live, to live with the terrible things within them, and the ones in the past and the ones will undoubtedly happen in the future, to live for themselves.

To live.

Bucky knows where the door is: The silo.

-

Bucky is tired. 2 years under media spotlight Bucky is still not used to the press shoving a microphone at his face. It's worse than any fight. And also there's a fight against a near God creature.

'STEEEEEEVE.' Bucky trundles into the living room groaning, 'STEEEEVIIIEEEE.'

'hey Bucky.' Steve catches Bucky, letting him collapse into his arms, kissing him on the forehead, 'I saw you on the news.'

'and I saw you in the void.'

'you wanna tell me what happened?'

Bucky buries his face in Steve's chest, his voice muffled, 'I missed you.'

'I'm here, Buck, I'm here.'

[lnsfawwi]

all the people reading my hossi posts/fics, where are you guys when I was in the fandom😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[adverbedly]

I’m so done with Bucky being described as “Soviet” like it’s a cutesy little thing. The Soviets weren’t a fucking joke. Thousands of villages were literally wiped off the map due to Soviet policies. Entire ethnic groups are gone or lost their homeland because of Soviet genocides. Millions of people were executed or sent to gulags for disagreeing with the government, and former Soviet countries are still struggling for independence from Russia, and that’s only scratching the surface. 

Sure, Bucky was a tool of the Soviet Union as the Winter Soldier, but he didn’t chose it for himself, and he never would have chosen it for himself. It’s an role that was forced on him by people who literally got off on forcing him to do things against his will. So to call Bucky “Soviet” is to align him with his abusers, and that really rubs me the wrong way. 

[bothhavesharpteeth]

AKA why depictions of Bucky post-deprog still WILLINGLY wearing a red star make me want to break things

[thenotoriousscuttlecliff]

[teatray-inthesky]

[gaymosexuqueer]

forever reblog

[romanimp]

ALWAYS REBLOG.

[spookyram]

[mattsunsthighs]

final image made it all worth it

[golden-masquerade]

World Heritage Post

[lnsfawwi]

诸葛亮：那我就不客气了

[lnsfawwi]

ace alpha Bucky/horny omega Steve😩

please someone write it😩

[lnsfawwi]

me conjuring 45426164329413 different scenarios for stevebucky to fall in love vs my actual love life

[lnsfawwi]

Steve Bucky serial killers AU sounds fun...

Bucky is a latent psychopath, he sees something in Steve, that anger and violence, something Bucky doesn't experience as acutely as him but always finds interesting, in fact they're probably the only interesting things in his life. Steve is interesting.

It takes some grooming and coaching, cus Steve refuses to cross the line. they beat up bullies at school, and when that's not enough, Bucky sneaks them into bars and pick fights there. bar fights are messy, dangerous, and fun. there's a scar on Bucky's left forearm from when he blocked a beer bottle for Steve.

the day after Sarah died, Bucky comes to Steve's house only to find it empty. he searches for him until it's dark, until he finally sees the familiar figure in a dark alley, swaying on his feet, a guy lies on the ground by his feet, still.

“Steve?” the man is dead. when Bucky comes closer, he can see the gushing head wound. “how did you...”

“there's a brick.” Steve still sounds dazed.

Bucky puts his jacket over Steve and takes him home. he cleans Steve up. in the bathroom Steve finally meets Bucky's eyes.

“I just killed someone.”

“you did.”

“but you are still here.”

“I'm always here, pal.”

“you are not...scared? disgusted?”

Bucky wipes off the last bit of that poor bastard's brain off Steve's exposed neck, and says, “I'm proud, Stevie.”

[lnsfawwi]

In honour of Pride Parade today in Dublin, friendly reminder that Steve Rogers is a son of Irish immigrants and he's gay AF