Current Thoughts 02.19.15
Just buried my face in my hands. I could actually see the aura of my computer monitor glowing in the darkness of my thoughts. This note may be cut shorter than expected because of that fact. Who knows?
The other day I bought some new furniture for my apartment, but it wont become available to pick up until next month. That actually isn't a horrible thing. Gives me time to reevaluate my home decor. I want to get new coffee tables to add to the couches I'm waiting for, but I'm not sure what will fit once the beast sofas arrive. My dilemma as you can understand.Â
As I continue to ponder and eliminate Amazon recommendations for tables, I keep bringing up the idea of "why do I need new furniture?"...which is a wonderful question to ask. Since my roommate is fixing to get married and move out, he has already bought the house he wants to start a family with, and his future bride is keeping it grounded to the foundation until they tie the knot. So he basically has two homes right now, and anyone can guess which home is the new priority/hang out spot, which is quite understandable. And since it is the new hang out spot, the people whom once populated my residence, is now gathering in their newly granted abode. That's what I thought I wanted, but as the apartment becomes more and more empty, the alone time gets old pretty quickly. But driving away from my place to another, to do exactly what I would have done at my house to begin with, seems monotonous, and a waste of gas.
I DO want to have a nice place to present to anyone who may materialize, but as I begin to think of who that can be, the list is short, and getting shorter.
I'm not very social when it comes to getting to know people. I seem to be hospitable when given the opportunity, but I don't really set myself up for moments as such. I lack the desire to approach society in a relational standard, whether it be friendly or intentional, and by intentional, I mean getting to know somebody for the sake of marriage...which is the best way, I think, to find a life partner. Way too much “falling in love with people”, before knowing who they are.
Just read an article the other day, where a women gets pregnant, decides to get married to the father of their child, and the day they got married, he beats her. They're getting a divorce and she wants nothing to do with him anymore...WELL NO SHIT!!
I don't understand the, "lets do this now, and ask questions later". Don't you think, as a man or women, you might want to know about said person before finding out what you're getting into?Â
As I type this, I can't help but bring my own hypothetical marriage into play. I say hypothetical, because there are no potential spouses on the horizon. And to think of myself getting married has always seemed more of a dream than a reality. Not that I wouldn't get married if someone special came along. I would love to have a women to care for, and love me back. But the idea seems almost mythical to THIS writer. Based upon past relationships, and even some unhealthy obsessions, I don't see myself as marriage material. Bringing my thoughts and desires to somebody that I love, and making them deal with them alongside me seems wrong. And if they knew what those problems were, they probably would walk away at the thought, which I wouldn't oppose.
I think of my parents, and there want for grandchildren, which I understand. But for anyone getting pressured by their parents for marriage or kids (just to clarify, my parents are not these parents), learn to tune them out. You are the only earthly person that matters in your decision making. Unless it involves marriage, then which it includes your partner. Don't let anyone push you into doing something you're not sure about, and don't let situations around you dictate you're decision making. Just because your sister and best friend are getting married, doesn't mean you need to step up the dating game. It means you get to help those around you prepare for their life decision, and that's it.
In the book of Corinthians, I think chapter 7 (not sure off hand), but Paul says that not all people are going to get married, some will stay single for a season, others will be married for a season, we have no way of knowing. Reading that brings me to the single state-of-mind, and I’m going to have to make the best of it, and be happy for it. If a season of marriage comes along, time to be happy for that as well...
Closing Thought: My landlord is a douchebox
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