VampsLordTheIII

Artist and (bad) writer in my free time

[lokilaufeysonl0ver69]

◇INTRODUCTION♤

Heyy! You can call me Vamps or Ems or any extension of those!

I will use this account to post my fanfics, that will only consist of x reader, as well as them being cross-posted on ao3!

My main fandoms are Marvel and DC, but I have a ton more

I would like to try to take requests if anything (If I'm inspired!) I also draw sooo... expect some drawings :p

And again, don't feel scared to request stuff, I would love to do those HC with multiple characters with a prompt

Thank you for looking at my page ♡♡

P.S. English is not my first language. Indulge any mistakes made in my works!

[holysmokesmando]

“Summer Air”

LITTLE PUMA X OSAGE READER

Edit: This is totally my bad and on me but I didn’t put this in the original authors note. I’m not part of the Osage Nation. The information I use is primarily from them. I do my own research for my writing, and I encourage you to do your own research as well.

AN: Hello again! This is going to be an x Osage reader one shot today. I’ve been doing a lot of research so I hope I’ve done it justice. My primary information has come again from osageculture.com. I did use some information from the national park service and multiple universities just to have a general understanding. I used this information primarily to describe roles, day to day life, and events in the villages. For example I talk about the Osage’s semi annual buffalo hunts in this one shot. I also used this information for talking about food sources and housing. I briefly mention Osage spirituality in this one shot. It’s about one line. I did not go into heavy detail just in case I’ve misunderstood anything. Once again if anything is inaccurate or wrong please know it was not done intentionally. Please leave me a comment, ask, or message, and I’ll fix it asap. Or if anyone would like to see the references please let me know as well. Also will be some time before the next one shot as I’m still in idea development

GIF credit goes to @myphaea and divider credit to @andromeda-graphics

WC: 4.9K

Masterlist

The summer brought lots of great things. Long cool nights, the berries in the forest were ripe and sweet, and the fact that the hunting party would be gone for a while. You spent every week enjoying yourself because your older cousin Myron and his best friend Little Puma would be gone with the hunting party.

Growing up had not exactly been the most fun. In your defense neither you or the two boys had made it easy. When you were little, you would try to follow Myron around all the time wanting to see what the older children were doing. He would get annoyed with you and your constant questions, rightfully so. You weren’t much younger than the boys, just only two years, but to Myron you might as well have been an infant. So he’d get mad, you would cry, his mother would tell him to be nice to you and the cycle would repeat day in and day out.

However, being young and small could only protect you for so long. Once you were old enough to not quite be considered too young anymore, Myron was finally able to start getting you back for all the times you got him in trouble. The teasing was relentless, and what made it worse was when he became best friends with Little Puma who joined him. They put bugs in your hair sometimes, other times in your food. Sometimes they jump out and scare you. They’d cover you in mud or push you in the river for the fun of it. You had become fearful of running into them when you were by yourself.

Your only saving grace was White Sun. She was older than all of you meaning she was in charge and both boys had to listen to her. Their mothers had said so. White Sun though has always been incredibly kind to you and looked after you like a sister. Every time they had done something to you White Sun would help you. She would dry your eyes after you finished crying and help you get cleaned up. Then she would sing to you while she’d rebraided your hair. She also had no problem going to her mother if the boys were just picking you a little too much for her liking.

When you grew up a little more it got better, well mostly. You had lost interest in wanting to follow around Myron all the time. Instead you had made friends with the girls your age and wanted to spend all your time with them. It was the best thing to happen to Myron and you. The two of you had pretty much stopped fighting and bickering altogether and were finally able to be cousins in peace. Nightly suppers with your families had become fun. The two of you would joke with each other and got along well together. There was no more yelling and shoving. Both of you had seemed to grow out of it and your mothers could not be happier at the peace and quiet.

The only person who didn’t seem to grow out of it was Little Puma. It wasn’t as bad as it was when you were kids, but the boy got on your nerves. Luckily, he mostly followed Myron’s lead, and Myron didn’t find it as entertaining to annoy you anymore. So if Myron shook his head you would come out unscathed from their terror. Most of the time Myron had something else he wanted to do instead. The problem was when Myron was not around, but you were, leaving you to be a prime target. Little Puma teased you incessantly about anything he could think of. There was one time a neighboring clan had come to stay with yours. There was a boy around your age who you found cute. You had been confiding in White Sun and some of your friends about him. Your friends were convinced he liked you and had encouraged you to talk to him. Unbeknownst to all of you, Little Puma had heard you speaking about it. For the whole time the clan had visited, he would do everything in his power to tease you about your crush. And he must have told the other boy something, because for the rest of the visit that boy never glanced your way again. Little Puma was trouble and you did your best to stay away from him.

Him and Myron have remained close, their friendship never faltering, meaning he was still around all the time even now. You would hate to admit it but he's gotten to be quite attractive. Sometimes only sometimes you’d catch yourself looking at him when he was around. You couldn’t help yourself. The only thing that killed it for you was that he still teased you. Sure, he did not tease you like he used to, but he still loved to get under your skin. When you would come back from gathering with the other girls he’d always claim something was wrong with yours. You never picked the ripe one he’d say after taking some blackberries from your basket. Or when you would wander off alone to have some time to yourself he’d always badger you about not helping. Little Puma had his opinion on everything. And to him everything you did was wrong.

This is why you savored the buffalo hunts. The men were gone for the whole day, so no Little Puma to criticize you. By the time the men returned from hunting, he was usually too tired to be a pest. However, the hunting season had just ended for the warm season and you all had just made the long walk back no more than two weeks ago.

The next hunt would not be for a couple more months now. So now you had to return to everyday life trying to survive Little Puma. You had managed at first as there had been a lot of work to do. One way to hide was by working alongside your mother and Myron’s mother. He could not bother you with them around.

That is until a sickness seemed to be reaching every family in the village. Many people had become bed-ridden and were unable to work. Their bodies burned to the touch and their throats became filled with thorns. Luckily your mother seemed to be doing okay and you were feeling normal. The only down side was being spread thin to help finish the usual amount of work.

You pick up one of your large baskets and hold it by your side. Turning around to face the way you came, you give your friend a sad smile and wave to her before walking down the path to head out of the village. She waves back to you with a similar expression. She’s claimed to be feeling okay just a bit hot and asked to switch with you today so she could stay out of the heat. You were more than happy to oblige her and were now heading down to the river to pick some berries and vegetables. She would be staying back to help your mother. You worry slightly afraid she might fall ill but you brush it off since you know your mother would tend to her if needed.

The sun may not be at the highest point, but you notice how warm it is as you continue along the path to the creek. It was not too far of a walk but it seemed longer now that you were by yourself. Normally you’d have a few friends to walk with and the time would pass by faster as you all chatted. Now it was just you as everyone else had fallen ill. Technically there were a couple of other places that you could go to collect that were a bit closer. But the coolness of the water though had sounded most appealing. So you could sacrifice the time if it meant getting to splash some water on your face to beat the heat. You begin to get a little uncomfortable as the sun continues to warm you. Bringing a hand to your cheek it feels like it’s burning. Adjusting the empty basket in your arms you hold it over your head and that seems to do the trick. Instantly your face cools down and you let out a small sigh of relief.

Finally, the creek came into view. You come around and decide to pick some blackberries first as the bushes offer more shade. Setting the basket down onto the grass you kneel down and begin picking the berries off the shrub. You make sure to examine each one before you pluck it off and gently place it in the basket. You will not give Little Puma the satisfaction of saying the berries aren’t ripe enough or that you smushed them. Quickly wiping the sweat on your forehead you finish filling up about a quarter of the basket with berries. The rest of the space you will leave for the beans and maybe some squash if you can find any on the way back.

The sweat begins to build up on your neck and slowly starts running down your spine. Your hand reaches for your waist and you realize you forgot to bring water with you. A grunt of annoyance slips from your mouth. At least you were smart enough to be by the creek. Moving from your crouched position into a standing one you stumble for just a moment suddenly becoming light headed. You shake it off and walk down through the tall shrubs and grass to the bank of the creek. Your skirt barely protects your knees from the rocks as you kneel so you cup the water in your hands and splash it onto your face. The coolness instantly hits you giving you a relief you didn’t know you needed. You take more and this time bring it to your neck the best you can. You don’t mind the feeling of it sliding your back finally not feeling so hot. Your hands cup another handful of water as you bring it to your lips. The cold water hits your stomach in the best way possible as you drink. Once you’ve gotten your fill, you feel much better and stand up not feeling dizzy this time.

You head back over to your basket and move it from the berries over to where the bean stalks are. Back to work you go as you begin filling the rest of the basket with beans. You still maintain your meticulous exam of every single bean you touch. Your focus from the beans is broken though at the idea of getting more water. You were suddenly beginning to feel hot again. Not wanting to stop working, you ignore your thirst and keep collecting food. You’ll have some more before you get up to leave, you tell yourself.

At last your basket is full of food to bring back home. Satisfied you stand up slowly before bending back down to grab a hold of your full basket. Your arms begin to shake when you try picking it up to your arms. You stop to give yourself a moment and take a deep breath before trying again. Everything in your arms begins to scream in pain when you try to lift it up once more. You set the basket down and kneel next to it. Your lungs feel tight and you try to get more air in. Your eyes look through the grass and bushes to where the creek is and you think maybe it’s the lack of water. You stand up, but not as slow as you should have and it’s a mistake.

You sway slowly back and forth and each step feels so heavy as you make your way to the creek. It’s right there in front of you, but at the same time you feel like it’s so far. Your vision begins to get blurry and you try to rub your eyes to clear it. Nothing works though, you keep trying to make your way down to the bank. The rocks under your feet cause you to stumble more as you no longer have the strength to fully pick up each step. The water is right there and you know you’ll feel good. However it’s no use, black dots slowly start to take over your vision and you take one last step before collapsing on the bank.

Little Puma walks through the village, his eyes scanning everywhere. There’s no trace of you anywhere. He already checked to see if you were helping the sick, but he came up empty handed. You were not with your aunt either. Now there was no way he was going to ask anybody if they’ve seen you around, but he was stumped. You were getting much better at hiding from him, it only took you long enough. He was amused with himself at the thought of getting to scare you when he found you.

Someone says your mother’s name and he looks up to see where they were pointing and smirks to himself. If you weren’t in your other spots then you would be for sure with your mother. A frown takes over his face as he makes his way to your mother whose back is towards him. She’s there preparing a hide and so is one of the girls you're always spending time with. But you are nowhere in sight, and you could not have taken off without him seeing you. Your mother turns around and seems to be relieved when she sees him, which Little Puma finds off. She waves him over and he has no choice but to come listen.

“Have you seen my daughter around? She went to go harvest and I have not seen her come back yet. It’s been too long, she should have come back by now.” your mother asks him. Little Puma begins to shake his head, but he’s not worried. Knowing you, you’re probably being lazy and sleeping under a tree staying out of the sun.

“No I haven’t. What time did she leave?” He tells himself he doesn’t care but he should still ask. Your mothers face seems to pale at his response.

“This morning. No one has seen her since. She went all by herself because all the other girls were sick. You have to go look for her please.” She begs him. Little Puma still thinks you’re probably just staying away on purpose. One thing he doesn’t like to hear is that you were all alone it bothers him. However, you were too hard headed to ever listen when he’s told you not to do that.

“I will go look for her. Did she mention where she was heading?” He does not really want to agree, but he cannot tell your mother no.

“No, she just took her basket and left.” Little Puma resists the urge to be annoyed in front of your mother. First you went by yourself and you didn't even mention what direction you went. He would lecture you once he finds you. Reassuring your mother one more time that you would be fine, he leaves to grab his horse and heads out to start looking for you.

With his back to the sun he has just finished checking the second spot he thought to look and so far nothing. There were about three more possible places to look for you and he was starting to get annoyed.

His horse walked along the path towards the creek. If he found you sleeping under the trees he was going to throw you in the river. He makes his way around to the bushes where he’s seen you gather before. Next to the stalks of beans he sees your basket filled with food just sitting in the grass. You're nowhere in sight and it scares him. Jumping off his horse he spins around trying to spot you anywhere. A pit grows in his stomach. Something is very wrong. He just knows it. Little Puma runs away from the bushes and heads to the tree line where the woods get thick. He checks the bottom of every trunk and he doesn't see you anywhere. Now feeling desperate he shouts out your name into the woods. No response, but he still calls out for you again. When you don’t respond for the second time he heads back to where your basket is and looks around the area once more.

Then he spots it right in front of your basket. The tall bushes are slightly trampled. With the trail as his only clue he pushes through the tall grass. Once he steps out now on the bed of the creek his heart plummets to his stomach immediately. There you are face down in the rocks unresponsive.

No. No. No. No.

That is the only thing running through his mind when he sees you. If anything happens to you he will never forgive himself. In a flash he’s at your side in an instant turning you over. A large gash is on your forehead over your left eyebrow. The blood that trickled from the wound is already dried onto your face. His eyes scan the area he doesn’t see any other tracks from animals or people. The only visible wound seems to be the one on your forehead, the rest of you seems undisturbed. He doesn’t understand what happened. His hand cups your face and your cheek is hot to the touch. His hand moves down to your arm and he realizes your entire body is burning. Pulling your unconscious body into his lap he shakes you gently while saying your name. When you don’t even stir a wave of panic washes over him.

“Why did you come out here by yourself? You should’ve asked somebody. I would’ve come with you.” He scolds you quietly but it falls on deaf ears. His head moves down to your mouth and he can’t help to let out a sigh of relief when he hears the faintest breath released from your body.

From his belt he pulls off a medium sized pouch filled with water. Gently, he pours a little into your mouth, but nothing. He tries again using a little more this time and he pours the water over the rest of your face hoping to cool you down. With the sleeve of his shirt he wipes some of the dirt and blood that covers your face, the water having loosened it. You're still much too warm, he thinks.

“You will not take her from me. ” He mutters to the open air, he refuses to let the sky take you back today.

With the rest of his water he pours the rest of it along your face and neck. When you still do not wake he knows he has to get you help in the village. One arm stays underneath your shoulder blades and the other hooks under your knees. He brings your entire body to his chest before he stands and carries you away from the stream through the long grass back to his horse. It takes him a few minutes, but he manages to get you on the horse, before getting on himself. From there he repositions you so you’re secured in his arms. Both your legs are hanging off the side of his horse, with your head nestled under his neck. “Stay with me.” He murmurs softly into the crown of your head. His lips leave a soft kiss to your hair, he steers his horse to head back towards home. Not wanting you to fall out he sets a decent pace so you can get help.

The two of you are back in the village in no time. He pulls to your family’s longhouse and shouts for help. Myron and your aunt come out first, both of them wearing matching shocked expressions. Little Puma lowers you down to Myron, your aunt cries out seeing your face. He jumps down and hands his horse off to a younger boy, before taking your body back from Myron. Your aunt tells Myron to go find your mother before leading Little Puma into the home. She tells him to lay you down and all he can do is listen to her.

Maybe it’s because you're still unconscious or maybe it’s because he feels useless, but Little Puma has never felt so lost in his life. In every single thing he does it’s with the sole purpose of making sure that’ll you’ll be taken care of. When the men hunt his only goal is to make sure that you’ll have something to eat. And when the cooler weather comes he’ll make sure they’re successful so you’ll be warm in the winter. Every time you’d take off by yourself he was terrified at the idea of even something remotely small happening to you and he wouldn’t be there to help. However, he couldn’t tell you that so it turned into a lecture. Sure, some of your bickering was because he just liked seeing you get annoyed with him. Most of it though was because he can’t bring himself to tell you he cares. Then there was that boy, he hated that boy with a hot white rage. Little Puma found him useless and a terrible hunter. That boy was never going to be able to take care of you, certainly not how Little Puma could. So he got rid of him the only way he knew how, by threatening to beat him within an inch of his life if he saw him even look in your direction. Maybe he should’ve told you these things but it doesn’t seem to matter now. All he knows is he’ll do better once you wake.

Your mother and Myron enter the house and your mother immediately moves over to your aunt to help tend to you.

“Myron, take Little Puma out of here to get cleaned up.” Your aunt shouts without even looking over at the two of them. Little Puma wants to interject, but Myron is already pulling him out. He complies knowing he’ll come back to you as soon as he’s done.

Your eyes slowly blink open to be met with the darker space of home. Everything feels hot still and your throat feels like you’ve swallowed a blade. An unwavering ache runs throughout your entire body. There’s something warm and tight around your hand, but you don’t have the strength to move it. A little bit of light is shining through the roof, you must have been asleep for half the day. How did you get back? The only thing you can really focus on is how all you want is some water right now. You manage to get your head turned to look to the right of you. Where you find Little Puma sitting on a stool next to you. His hand is the very tight thing keeping yours enclosed. His eyes are shut and his lips are slightly parted as he sleeps quietly next to you.

The dryness in your mouth keeps you from speaking to him. From what you can hear, it seems to be only the two of you in here. Water is still your first priority so you decide to try to sit up. Everything hurts as you try to sit up from where you’re laying. Your movement disturbs Little Puma who begins to stir next to you. His eyes open a little bit before landing on you. Once he realizes you’re awake he shoots up from where he’s sitting to kneel down next to you instead.

“You’re awake, but you should lay back down.” He puts a little pressure on your shoulder to get you to lay down, but you shake your head no. Your eyes settle on a cup next to his stool. Little Puma’s eyes sees what you’re staring at and immediately grabs it for you. He brings the cup to your lips and tilts it just a little. His other hand settles on your lower back to support your body. You don’t say anything about it because you need it. As soon as the water hits you it washes away the sluggish spell that was over you. You still feel weak, but you’re much better than before. You keep drinking though not wanting to feel the pain in your throat, but Little Puma takes it away.

“Not too much at once.” He tells you, but you want more. You’re a little surprised he’s here with you right now. Maybe Myron or your mom needed a break.

“How did I get home?” You ask him, your voice is a little raspy from the pain. He lets out a smooth exhale.

“I found you by the creek. You should’ve told someone where you had gone. I don’t know how many times I’ve told you that.” He reminds you, but it’s not like how he usually tells you. It’s much calmer and kind. It still annoys you a little.

“Spare me please, I'm not feeling great right now.” You grumble as you stare up at him. His mouth moves into a thin line. He stands for a moment staring down at you.

“You could have died. What if I hadn’t found you? What if no one found you? What then? Where does that leave me?” He doesn’t raise his voice once at you, which makes you a little more unsettled.

“Without someone to torment.” You snark at him which probably wasn’t your best choice. Little Puma rolls his eyes at you, but you can see he’s upset.

“You think I could live with myself if you had died? That would’ve killed me” he says while pointing to his chest. “I can't lose you. Ever.” He sits back down next to you and his head drops down. Which you’re glad for as your eyes nearly bulge out of your head. You’re a little lost for words at his confession. Maybe this is all a hallucination from this illness you think to yourself. Because this cannot be the same Little Puma who used to tell you that you processed hides wrong.

“Why didn’t you tell me any of this before?” You ask him quietly. He lifts his head back up, his eyes settling onto yours.

“I think Myron might have killed me if I told him how much I cared for you. The only way I could talk to you was by teasing you. ” Your heart skips hearing him say it again. It doesn’t stop you from settling back to your old ways.

“You’re a child, you know that right?” You tease him, and when he smiles back at you a warmth fills your chest.

“Yeah yeah. But don’t think I haven’t noticed you staring at me.” He shoots back while nudging you with his shoulder. Your cheeks flush a bright red and all you can do is turn your head away from him. Little Puma laughs at your reaction which causes you to laugh too.

“Want some more water?” He asks you and all you can do is nod your head again. More water is poured into the cup, but Little Puma still guides it to your mouth. After having some more a yawn escapes your mouth. “I’ll go let your family know you’re awake. You rest, I'll be right back.” A kiss is placed on your forehead before he gets up and heads out to find your family. He leaves you there mouth agape as you watch his back. When everyone comes back in no one says anything when Little Puma takes a seat right next to your side. His hand immediately goes to grab your hand that is closest to him as your mother and aunt dote over you.

As you heal at home for the next couple days your time is filled with sleeping and talking to Little Puma. He comes in every day any chance he gets to come check on you. Your mother and aunt remind him that you need to rest but he still comes by. When it’s just the two of you he’ll sneak a kiss here and there not that you’re complaining. Myron catches you guys once, but he doesn’t say anything. Just smirks at you two before leaving. Even though you’re feeling better and like getting up to move around he insists on bringing everything to you. His excuse is he doesn't want you to overdo it.

When you’re finally fully recovered the two of you are glued at the hip. He offers to go with you anywhere you need and you don’t protest. Now when you gather food he always tells you that you collect the best ones when he takes some from your basket. He still teases you occasionally, but now the two of you laugh after together.

The two of you are sitting side by side under a tree near the plains. You’ve finally managed to convince him to take a break and enjoy the peace. Your head is on his shoulder as the two of you stare at the open field. His arm is gently around your waist keeping you close.

“Almost ready to go?” He murmurs into your ear while placing a warm kiss on your cheek.

“Just a little longer?” You ask your eyes closing shut.

“Whatever you want.”

[lokilaufeysonl0ver69]

IF YOU LOVE LITTLE PUMA, READ THIS. AMAZING WRITING !!

[lokilaufeysonl0ver69]

My Funny Valentine ♡

WADE WILSON X GN!READER

Summary: You’ve been single your whole life, and you are sure it won’t change this year. You dread Valentine’s day and yet, maybe there is hope for you…

Tags: Obnoxious petnames, Insecure Wade Wilson, Wade Wilson needs a hug, Friends to Lovers, Valentine’s Day fic in August, Beta read!!!

TW: Mention of vomitting, Deadpool being his own trigger warning

Word Count: 2 810

P.S.: First fanfic posted and it might be OOC… don’t have my head on a pitchfork please :’]

As you make your way home from the office, you unwillingly take in the new additions in your surroundings. Changes that slowly crept it in like black mold: slowly and unnoticed, until one day it takes you by surprise. The romcom movies on loop, the hearts decorating nooks and crannies of every shop you passed by, the couples strolling by looking like they merged together as if some cosmic force made it so-

It was getting hard to ignore Valentine’s day approach, especially for a singleton like you.

And it’s not like you didn’t try, Relationships seemed to avoid you like the plague: you’ve had crushes before, but it was hard to confess, and they usually got snatched away before you even made the first move. That or rejection.

Then, three years ago, Deadpool arrived in the picture. Or Wade Wilson. It’s not like he ever tried to hide his identity. He came in like a knight in shining red and black spandex, saving you from harm and killing the person trying to mug you. And as Blood splatters morphed into rose petals, the lighting framed his face perfectly. He seemed to be straight out of a hallmark movie with the lead seeing their soulmate for the first time.

To put it plainly, you were starstruck. Cupid’s new (unwilling) victim.

Even if the moment was far from romantic, the way that spandex clung to Deadpool’s muscles (and ass…) would forever be engrained in your mind, not to mention that feeling of being protected from someone made your heart do somersaults. People around you were wondering if you finally lost it, if anything he was better than most men out there!

Out of politeness (or bad flirting?), you offered a paid dinner to which he accepted without hesitation: “You are the reason I won’t eat cardboard dipped in milk tonight, sweet person!” His words, though you hoped it was not true, hopefully he was joking…

You learned later that it was, in fact, true.

And since he stayed in the area, you paid for a few more dinners- a friendship bloomed between you two. Plus a one way crush.

When you mentioned (let it slip) his attractiveness, he quickly thought you were joking even if you never saw his face before. Sure, you had an idea from his description that consisted of monstrous, ugly, to barf for- but you really didn’t care much. You felt at ease with him, comfort radiating from him, you listened and he talked. It was like you knew each other from birth. Chemistry flowed easily.

It took two years before courage struck Deadpool and he removed his mask out of nowhere, on a rooftop at night. It was a shock, more for the fact that you thought you’d die without seeing his face. You did not sugarcoat it: his face wasn’t to model for, nor was it pretty. Holes and skin rearranging constantly, tissues trying to close and separate, a huge hole on his right cheek- but to the point of describing it like an eyesore? Not really. His jaw structure is rectangular and sharp, gentle blue eyes with a hint of chaotic energy, plus his boyish smile- it was to die for.

Or you had a bizarre kink… you did not dwell on this option.

But you did say what you thought and seeing a grown man cry, not holding it back- it was weirdly hot. Although That was left unsaid .

The confession ended in a bone-crushing hug, he sniffled in the crook of your neck while it took every fiber in your being to not pepper kisses everywhere on him.

You knew you had it bad.

At least, your words seemed to have gotten to him because around you in private, his suit was tossed away and you were not complaining. (He’s still clothed you freaks)

And now, two days before V day, you had hoped that either you worked up your courage to ask him out or he did. They were both unfathomable possibilities which resulted in you drowning in despair and sadness on your couch a few days before. So, you had everything ready: chocolate in abundance, a long list of romance movies saved and a playlist of love songs to listen to while staring at your ceiling with tears streaming down your face-

Fuck. That sounded pathetic.

You just got into your apartment, shoes off and suddenly, snapped right out of your daze, dread filled your entire being. You had to buy ingredients to cook tonight, because eating instant noodles again will make you vomit. You sighed in exasperation and went to your local market. A bag of supplies turned into two, three, then four.

Why.

You are one, a person, singular, human, single.

Then why did you buy so much more than anticipated? Those bags were straining your hands, digging on your elbows and shoulders- it was a real nightmare.

Then, a deity heard your prayers, and a saint in red and black with muscles that you’d suck o-

Deadpool.

Deadpool’s running towards you with what you could imagine a grin under that mask.

That’s even more embarrassing, you looked miserable right now. But at least you’ll put those eye candies to work…

“Sweet cheeks! Let your knight carry those heavy bags for you,” he said in a confident voice.

“Wade, what a pleasant surprise," you replied in a strained voice, and dropped three quarters of the bags on his forearms, “You’re an absolute hero”

“I’m no hero, though I am super,” you could imagine a smirk with that overconfident voice.

“Of course, whatever helps you sleep at night,” you agreed, and it fell into a comfortable silence…

Silence?

Deadpool was never silent unless-

“Why would you need so much food?” There was hesitancy in his voice, like he dreaded the answer.

“Why? Can’t I feel the urge to cook?”

“Nope. Not what I am sayin’ and you know it”

Teasing him seemed like a really appealing option right now.

“Maybe I would want to cook for my valentin-”

“You have a valentine?" He half-shouted, voice with a higher pitch than usual.

Well. That was a weird reaction. Very quick too. With a lot of concern and panic.

“No, no… I am only joking. I wished upon a star though, but it seems like it completely ignored me, like usual.”

He sighed with what you could imagine was relief.

“Well then, maybe your star is working overtime to make your wish come true?”

“How would you know?” You teased, with a slight confusion apparent on your face. You two were now in the lobby of your apartment building.

“Did you not learn to trust me, like ever, cupcake? Trust” He dragged on his last word, you were still doubtful. He was acting weird-

Rectification: weirder than usual.

And up at your apartment, bags on the floor, he ran off cartoon style shouting something about “Don’t lose any hopes yet, honey buns!”

That left you bewildered on the spot, then you fumbled with your keys trying to daydream every reason for Wade’s behavior. It was endless, for your own sanity you stopped thinking about it and focused on tonight’s meal.

Yet, you almost burnt your food, tripped at least four times, dropped multiple objects. Now in bed, reflecting on this whole situation made you realize that you’re looking for hints that were just not there. No, Wade wasn’t planning anything because he does not like you back. He was just being supportive! Or if he is, it will be a single-friend-valentines-night.

Sleep came eventually, but not before your eyes became red.

°•—○☆○—•°

Sunlight went through your blinds, hitting your face gently which is far more pleasant than an alarm blaring in your ears...

You sat up abruptly, heart pounding, wide awake: you forgot you weren't unemployed anymore and you can not risk being fired, getting up at the light's speed you looked up and saw your calender-

Nevermind. It's Saturday today.

Great, what a nice way to wake up. You preferred the alarm by far.

Rolling your eyes, you were going towards your bathroom for your morning routine and something caught your attention on the kitchen's counter: a large red notepad with a piece of paper with written:

"Not to wake you up from your beauty sleep, I left this questionnaire here. Please answer as soon as you can and do not question anything. <3"

-Peace and love, Deadpool (Wade for you •3•)

PS: lock your windows :P can't have you die by homicide

"Always so descriptive," you said under your breath, then you saw all of the doodles depicting Deadpool blowing kisses or killing or explicit drawings of dicks. Where in the nine Hells, did he learn to draw those?

"Alright, let's see…," you murmured.

"Question uno: favourite flowers (buyable here!!!)" with a poorly drawn rose next to it.

You answered easily your favourite out of the limited choices available here.

"Question two: what do you like in a man?”

First thing that came to your mind: ‘A man that cooks,’ and snickered at the thought: Wade cooking. ‘I wonder how that would go,’ you thought. It was gone as quickly as it appeared.

"Question trois (three): are you free on February 14th?”

“Sadly,” you muttered and checked the ‘yes’ box.

“Leave this paper right there, go into another room and a little fairy will take care of it <3”

An eyebrow rose, and you backed away in your room only to come out five minutes later. Skeptically, you looked around the room and then the counter: the notepad was gone. Your first thought was that Deadpool would totally put pink wings to commit to the bit, but how did he know that you were done with the questions? A gust of cold wind hit your back and it clicked.

Wade was outside on your balcony all along. Yes, totally normal. Now, what was not were those questions. The Wade, the chaos incarnate, mutant after a failed experiment to get rid of his cancer, x-men or former because it depends on the weeks, was planning to ask you to be his valentine?

Impossible. Cursed with rejections and missed out opportunities, now you were being asked out? There had to be a catch. Maybe it’s Valentine's day between friends? That was more plausible, because you learned your lesson on being delusional.

Dragging your feet back again to your room, you changed for the day ahead. Mundane tasks came first which consisted of laundry and cleaning. Then, a quick stop at a library for a book turned into a full pile of romance bricks full of clichés.

This Valentine’s propaganda was getting to your head, that’s for sure.

Slamming your books on your coffee table, a shower was not needed, but extremely wanted. You decompressed right under the warm water oozing from the showerhead, your worries washing away. Deadpool acting weirder than usual? Non existent. The possibility of Wade asking to be your valentine tomorrow? Never. Acceptance finally came and you slept soundly that night. Devoting yourself to some god didn’t sound too bad…

°•—○☆○—•°

Sunday morning. First thing you see from your bedroom windows are the couples strolling by, bouquets of flowers being offered and you could almost see the hearts floating in the air.

It was going to be a long day, but you became a new person overnight: single life means peace and freedom. That wisdom isn’t unwelcomed, it might help you go through today and future years to come.

You got up and did your morning routine before setting up the stashes of snacks and everything else. You were juggling between a movie, a book, and your playlist, all of them being about love.

Late in the afternoon, going through your fifth movie, you jumped at the loud and frantic knocking that was oddly familiar…

Wade!

You skipped to your door and opened it to see who you expected, but you were greeted with a large bouquet of your favourite flowers instead.

“Will you be my valentine?” It was said so quickly you almost didn’t catch it, the face of Wade was visible and you could see the red adorning the tip of his ears and cheeks, in a black suit, body tenser than an elastic stretched at its maximum. Before you could answer, he rambled:

“I would absolutely understand if you said no. I was overly confident yesterday, and I never think twice, so it seemed like a good idea at the time. Also the fact that why would anyone in their right mind go out with me, for my personality or my physical appearance is too much to handle. Now if you don’t mind forget I said anything and I would say that I’ll go and die of embarrassment but I am cursed with the gift of immortality, so th-”

Thank god you won’t have to turn yourself to devotion or single life forever, maybe that false acceptance was a delusion to keep you from going insane. Relief washed over your senses and you promptly cut him off:

“Wade, calm down,” your finger found its way to his mouth, successfully shutting him up, “I would love to be your valentine,” you brought the flowers to your face and smiled at him.

“What a relief,” Wade muttered, muscles melting at the sight “I mean! Of course, I knew you couldn’t resist or refuse my charms,” he replied in faux confidence, leaning on the doorway.

Hand in hand, he entered and he removed his shoes while you placed your bouquet in a vase. Turning around, you were faced with Wade in an ‘kiss the cook’ apron, no shirt underneath, with only his matching black pants from the suit a few seconds earlier.

His body was tense again, as if bracing for an impact or negative reaction from you.

“‘A man who cooks’ you said, right? Well, good thing I watched a tutorial on how to, because I shall be your chef tonight, babycakes,” he said matter-of-factly.

A laugh erupted from your throat, to which he relaxed a little.

“A man with only an apron and pants, what a dream,” your laugh died down, a slight flush on your cheeks visible.

“I aim to please,” he said with an exaggerated bow, with a hand extended to you.

Your hand now in his, he led you to your kitchen counter, running back and forth with first a chair, then utensils and a plate. Seeing Wade so dedicated was making your heart skip a beat. Maybe your standards were low, but this might be the best date of your life. There isn’t much competition though…

In the end, vegetable remnants were everywhere, meat was overcooked and he even missed the cup when pouring your beverage. Food still disappeared, no matter the state of the meat. While he was cracking jokes to cope with the mess he made, hearts were visible in your eyes and head lolling side to side on your fists. No one has looked as attractive as him right now.

“Look at me like that for a few more seconds and I will start to think you love me,” he said in joking tone.

“What if I did?” You said without second thought, which earned a shock expression from him.

“What?”

“I meant that. I can’t keep it in anymore,” you got up and walked towards him on the opposite side of the counter, “Wade, you make me feel important. You protect me, you let yourself be insecure and I love when you talk because you fill the silence I can’t bear. Your presence comforts me, and I trust you. I’ve loved you for some time now, and so much so that my heart overflows and spills a few hints here and there. I never did anything because I have a bad love life history, but please. Let me share my excess with you, Wade,” you hands got a hold of his biceps and eye contact was easy for the first time in your life.

If eyes could talk, those would cry ‘I love you’

His mouth fell on yours like a missing puzzle piece, and your hands cupped his jaw.

You parted a few moments, and breathless, you said:

“Stay here for the night. I have a few activities we could do together, like-”

“Like in the bedroom?” Expectancy evident in his voice, he looked almost like a dog with those eyes.

“Maybe later… Now, how about we act out scenes from this pile of books?” You pointed the coffee table, and he grinned before saying:

“Even the steamy bits?”

“That’s all you think about, don’t you?”

“Yes,” no hesitation was heard.

“Then yes, Wade, even those..”

With that, he dragged you faster than any human being across the room and safe to say, Valentine’s wasn’t so bad after all.

[eisenkrahe]

[flipocrite]

not she berry or he berry but no berry

and that is berry good

[eunisyn]

"All this for lil ol' me?"

[gayteensupreme]

"queer-owned business" means nothing anymore. OpenAI and Palantir are both queer-owned businesses.

[gayteensupreme]

if this is how you find out that both sam altman and peter thiel are gay im sorry

[lokilaufeysonl0ver69]

Objet : Une bestiole Rareté : ⏶ Ordinaire

Quelle est votre créature favorite issue d'un jeu vidéo ?

À présent, alimentez votre tableau de bord en répondant à ma question.

Jeff the labd shark

[tiiracotta]

Envy 🌺 Forget Me Not 🌺

Inspired by this flower crown ask on the @ravenstargames blog!

[exiledsummer]

lexcorp president lex luthor found disemboweled and there's also a dog