Happy Happy Happy

Hi, My name is whatever you want it to be. I'm just a teenage girl, trying to make my way through life as happy as possible.

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♥

I want to help you, 

You've got to do this alone. 

Standing on the tracks, 

Awaiting the inevitable,

Please don't lose this game. 

https://soundcloud.com/chollyhappymusic/lose-it-1

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Attachment

You know when you find something that you're not expecting to find? 

Or when something finds you when you weren't trying to find it.

All I know is that I want this, but I am scared.

The only thing keeping me from going insane is the thought that maybe, everything happens for a reason.

♥

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It is time to come back to this blog.

When you fall for someone you least expect... What do you do? Regardless of whether they are the same sex or not do you tell them? 

Do you risk ruining something that is a perfect friendship by sharing your feelings even if you know that they aren't going to go anywhere? 

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You're beautiful and brilliant.

Thank you :) 

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Visit Original Link

Experiment :) 

Please give opinion!!!

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I am capable.

Life at the moment has been stressful, for definite.

A rejection from my top choice University (which I can get more than the grades I need for the course) did not help. 

That University is the one that my boyfriend is at. But I guess everything happens for a reason - I guess we'll just have to stay long distance for a bit longer. Before any assumptions are made, I did not choose that University because he was there! I know that would really be the wrong thing to do because University is a major choice to make in your life... I chose that University because it was meant to be really amazing for television production, and after an amazing day there in the television studio and looking at past showreels, a terrible interview probably was the thing that sent it down the drain. But now that I think about it, everything I did on that day seemed wrong... In fact the only thing I did right was what was in the television studio - which to be honest, surely should be one of the most important parts? 

Mistake #1:

Choosing to do a critique of the creative video in the showreel, because of all of the arty cinematography; I did this instead of taking the drama or the documentary which I could apply much more narrative theory/uses and gratifications theory to.

Mistake #2: 

Not putting my hand up to pick a job in the television studio. 

Mistake #3: 

Having a blank moment in the interview.

Mistake #4: 

Somehow making it possible for them to pick up my lack of self confidence. How rude is this? They actually said to me, "Oh, so from what you've said you have quite a lack of self confidence?". Honestly, how on earth could you make anyone more nervous.

Mistake #5: Thinking that this big Uni which has loads competing to go to it would just have the normal style of interview like the other Universities I've been interviewed at. 

Things I did right: The second time I was given the chance in the TV Studio, I did pick a job, and I was good at it. The visual mixer - everyone else said that they were too scared to pick that job because of all the buttons. I loved it. I made clear to the interviewers that I loved it. I made the most effort to assure them that I am a lot more confident than I used to be. I was myself.

If they didn't want me as I am, with all the effort I put into everything, and the experience that I worked hard to get, then that's fine. I'm going to go to a University that is happy to have me, and I am going to show them that I am capable!

I. AM. CAPABLE. ♥ 

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Haven't posted here in a while...

Hmm, strange I haven't posted here in a while. 

Well the truth is, this is a completely secret to my friends/family tumblr blog and I want to keep it that way. I just need somewhere where I can think to myself. And yeah I know, it's on the internet. But the chances are that barely anyone will read anything I write on here, and the people that do... well chances are that they won't know me! 

I just want to let myself out, without restrictions. ♥

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It's so amazing being able to feel this love and not fearing that someone is going to take it away from me.

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Films!

Okay, so some films I've watched recently... 

Little Miss Sunshine - 

This is a very good independent film, however I did find sometimes that it was hard to suspend disbelief; but if I tell you why, that would be a complete spoiler. It does get across the true values of family and things like that though, which is what I like about it. Every single character seems to have depth. ***

Watchmen - 

Brilliant film, so comic like! I absolutely loved it. It was horribly violent in some places but overall I do think it was a brilliant film. I also love the soundtrack for this one!!! It is beautifully shot and the acting makes it so easy for me to believe. *****

Rango - 

As it is an animation you would automatically assume it's a kid's film but there are some adult jokes. I think Rango is an amazing film. So amazing that I have managed to sit through it 13 times while my baby brother has been watching it. It just seems to have more to it than a lot of other animated films do, and it's quite arty in a way. Love. The. Soundtrack. 5 stars. *****

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Panic Attacks

I have been getting really stressed lately, and I explained the way I felt to my mum...

Hot, heart pounding, shortness of breath, headache, sounds are loud around me

Her response? "Oh... Chloe, that's a panic attack.."

If that is a panic attack then I've been having them my whole life thinking that it was normal.

The therapy begins now!!! 

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I went to see my boyfriend at the weekend! I felt so amazing when he hugged me and he wouldn't let go! I'm glad that he hasn't become interested in any of those other girls in his flat (yes, I am the jealous type), not that I thought he would leave me for them... It's just they're all quite slim and pretty. But yeah, I can't wait to see him again on the 22nd of October!

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College

College is great, I love college - however, there are some things that really bug me.

For example, anyone who doesn't have a laptop and needs to do work in their spare time has to search the whole campus for a single computer that isn't booked that they can work on. The printers don't print in colour, so you have to go and get it done especially (and pay a lot more). Also, because it is in the middle of nowhere, we have to wait until 4pm to get the one other bus back. There are public buses, but they cost £5, and you have to take more than one bus. I'd have to take a bus from there to the station, then another bus back to my village and in total that takes about two hours. 

Film Studies students can't go to the local shop and buy a dvd without ID, even if they have proof that they are a student at the college. Apparently this isn't proof that I am older than 15... I am 17, nearly 18, and I can't buy a DVD that is a 15. Also getting DVDs out in the library, you can't take them out if you're under 18 and it's an 18. I could understand it if the person was just casually watching the films, but the library barely has any fiction books, and the films there don't tend to be blockbusters so the most likely people to take out the DVDs are the film studies students. Last year, one of the units I was studying was horror - the main film we were studying was The Descent. I couldn't take it out of the library, or buy it in a shop because I was 18. 

How this could be improved... 

I think that students should be given bus passes that at least give them a discount on buses. This would make it so much easier to get a part time job. Also, I think they need a few rooms in which computers CANNOT be booked by teachers. It would really help in exam time especially, as you can never get onto computers at that point. This makes it especially hard for people who only need to print their work. 

I can sort of understand the printing in colour thing, but if you're doing something which means you need to print out quite a lot of pages in colour, you have to go to the college repographics shop, and they charge 20p per A4 sheet of paper. I have no idea what they charge for bigger sheets of paper like A3. It's just a little bit awkward.

Allow film studies students to borrow whatever DVDs they need from the library!

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This is my survey about horror films, and I would really appreciate it if anyone who watches horror films could fill this out! It's for a project that I'm doing which requires primary research for every decision I make.

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He's gone

My boyfriend has gone to University now. His mother was kind enough to offer to bring me with them so that I could say goodbye properly, and we spent the day in Bournemouth. He said he had been feeling sick all day, and so had I. In fact throughout the day I just wanted to cry, so badly. I didn't really want him to see, because I wanted him to enjoy the day. Then all his room mates started to arrive. The majority of them were girls - slim, blonde and friendly. That scared me a little, because in the past an ex left me for a girl that was like them. But it's ok, I trust him. After his mum had left the room and said goodbye, he hugged me tightly and started crying, I hated seeing him like that. We were both crying and we both kissed and then he walked me to the lift. When we were driving away he was waving out of the window. I had a very long conversation with his mum and a few days later I still miss him a lot. It's weird - if he was still living at home, I probably wouldn't feel this bad. In 3 or 4 weeks I hope to visit him, but I don't want to be annoying, I mean he has to settle in to Uni.

I actually caught myself thinking/imagining what our first dance would be like if we got married the other day. 

That is unusual for me, normally the idea of marriage freaks me out. So I'm a bit scared now because I must feel quite a lot for him if I am thinking of stuff like that. I didn't tell him that though because well I wouldn't want to freak him out.

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"There is no terror in the bang, only in the anticipation of it."

Alfred Hitchcock

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I'm doing a project and would really appreciate it if some people could fill out this survey!

Click here to take survey