Lonely Adventurer @lonely-adventurer - Tumblr Blog

“money doesn’t buy happiness” let me test this hypothesis

video game: allows me to double jump

me: double jumps for no reason, double jumps all over the place, double jumps just to walk around, double jumps over buildings, double jumps off the buildings, double jumps over npcs, double jumps over the person talking to me, double jumps over the enemy, double jum

latinkilledtheromans

MYSTERY STORY TIME

So there was a single, solitary kiwi on our counter in the kitchen.

And I decided to make fun of my roommate for it, because who buys one, single, solitary kiwi? So I asked her that.

Roommate: I didn’t buy a kiwi.

Me: This isn’t your kiwi?

Roommate: No?

Me: But this isn’t my kiwi.

Roommate: That kiwi was there when I got home.

Me: I don’t even eat kiwi!

As you can see, it’s a real kiwi. Here it is, on my counter, giving away nothing.

But I was still confused as to where it came from. Did one of us accidentally buy a kiwi at the store?

So I looked up the Kiwiny company to figure out which stores it’s sold at, to see which one of us might have bought it, since we tend to use different grocery stores.

Kiwiny doesn’t have American retailers.

There is literally no reason for this kiwi to be in my kitchen.

221cbakerstreet

It came all the way from Italy and this is how you welcome it

cyborg-furby

What pokemon type do you think i am?

Bonus points if you have a reason

crookedlycasualwitch

Please!!!

prettycryptid

one time i forced my mom to play pokemon for at least half an hour and all she did was catch a butterfree and name it lowfat

imanaires

perfect couple: one person has cold hands, the other has warm hands. together, they maintain the ideal temperature for hand holding

tharook

relationship goals: thermodynamic equilibrium

tharook

[walks up to a couple] so which of you is the source and which is the sink?

bibbyboy-deactivated20150925

slightmood

go to bed jim

pettyrevenge

I was at a Craft Store in my town, and it wasn’t too busy, but only one register was open. The cashier, a teen aged girl, I could tell was working as best as she could. The process was a tad slower however, because she had a stutter, and a bit of a lisp.

As she worked through the line, asking the usual questions probably mandated by the big wigs (I’ve worked in retail, it’s a thing), the man behind me began to huff and puff. He muttered something about having places to go, he was in a hurry, etc. I ignored him, until I heard him start to mock her to his kids.

W-w-would you l-like y-y-y-y-y-y-your reSCHKeet?

The kids began to laugh. It really made my blood boil. Especially since I could tell the cashier heard his mockery. Thatreally made my blood boil. When a person doesn’t respect retail employees as people, it’s the best way to tell whether a person is an asshat or not.

So, when it was my turn at the register, she asked me in a small voice “Are you a member o-o-of the rew-w-rewards club?” And I looked smugly at the guy behind me, and back at her.

Me: The rewards club? Oooo that sounds great! Please explain it to me?

She seemed surprised at first, but then looked at the guy behind me, and then it clicked.

I have never given my information so slowly in my life. Never had I asked as many questions as I did. She smiled and answered my inquiries, while the guy behind me was seething.

Him: Can you hurry up, please?

Me: And miss out on these great rewards? As if!

I only held him up for about 5 minutes… but wooo child, it felt so good.