Rhai

he/they genderfluid ⛓️🥀 come say hi :)

[ashstfu]

[prettyboykatsuki-moved]

i always mean it when i say i love you btw

[prettyboykatsuki-moved]

‘but thats a stranger you dont know’ and i love them. i love that they exist and i love that they passed through my life. and i love u too btw

[teathattast]

reblog to tell your mutuals you love them for existing

[lonelyrhai]

As my 18th birhday creeps closer, I find myself wondering what comes next. The answer seems obvious. 19 comes after 18, and 20 after that.

But as time blurs together and I realize I've been 18 for months already, I pause. Did 18 come after 17? Will 19 come after that? Or do they all bleed together, stacking on top of each other like old forgotten books or layers of dust, slowly becoming one period in time rather than existing as the distinct years that they were meant to?

What comes after 18? Will it truly be 'after'? Will anything come at all?

[theotherwesley]

He was as tall as he was tall, and his eyes were the color they were. To describe his hair one would say that he had some. His face had all the features you'd expect, and none of the ones you wouldn't. "There he is," people would often say of him, but only when he was there. And they were right.

[ritikajyala]

and nothing helps, no amount of rest, no green teas, no walks in nature. I bleed on paper and it smells like roses, roses full of thorns, thorns digging into my chest, and I bleed on paper. And the next morning, I find the words too cringe and the roses look like dried blood, clotted into me, heart full of clots. And the night comes again, and you ask me how I am. I tell you nothing helps, not the walks, not the teas, no rest. And I bleed on paper.

-Ritika Jyala, excerpt from The Flesh I Burned

[lonelyrhai]

"For a hundred generations, I had walked the world drowsy and dull, idle and at my ease. I left no prints, I did no deeds. Even those who had loved me a little did not care to stay."

- Madeline Miller, 'Circe'

[lonelyrhai]

"tiktok is rotting ur brain!!1!1 ur attention span is fried!1!!" i just spent 20 minutes watching my dad cut potatoes and season a steak i think my attention span is doing okay

[lonelyrhai]

hate that i live in a society. wish i lived under a rock or smth.

[theanythingmachine]

my first favorite hobby is yapping. second is being extremely quiet and not talking ever at all ever.

[feral-ballad]

Only for a second she touched me and then she was gone and I was left with my heart smashing at my chest…

Jeanette Winterson, from The Passion

[lonelyrhai]

"maladaptive daydreaming" in the sense that it physically hurts me when i do it but no matter how hard i try i can't stop

[thehopefulquotes]

“There are times when I am convinced I am unfit for any human relationship.”

— Franz Kafka, Letters To Felice

[moonstoast]

yes & no by natalie wee

[lonelyrhai]

no rizz, just an expansive vocabulary that i'll never properly use to tell anyone how i feel.

[lonelyrhai]

honorary member of the "my headphones are noise cancelling if my music is loud enough" committee

[lonelyrhai]

turning 17 isn't as bad as I thought it would be. maybe i thought it would feel more jarring, but life is just the same as it was yesterday and i'm sure it will be the same tomorrow.

for a while it felt as though i were holding my breath, waiting for the floodgates to fly open and sweep me away.

but it never happened.

and i breathed out my relief in a puff of mellow smoke.

- '17th birthday,' from my personal journal

[lonelyrhai]

autumn is on it's way,

and i am still here.