long live harry potter

my name is rachel. i like pretty things, of which I am not ashamed.

[longliveharrypotter]

how quickly that all fell to shit.

and the worst part about it, you think you're the good guy here. you think that you did nothing wrong and that i overreacted and i'm not calm enough to talk to.

like you didn't break up with me after i told you how selfish it was to ask me to give you a blow job first thing in the morning and then just walk off like i got just as much satisfaction out of that act as you did.

that's what cause you to crash out. which, honestly, is really embarrassing for you. on top of the fact that everyone i have talked to, (and that's a lot of people) have all agreed, you were being selfish.

and the wildest thing, you thought that this was the best time to break things off. not after a reasonable, grounded conversation, not even after a discussion. just throw it all out.

and that hurt. it hurt that you didn't respect me enough to wait to have the conversation when i was in my own place. or when i wasn't about to go to work. or when i was clothed for fucks sake.

so you showed who you truly are. a selfish, self-intitled piece of shit who doesn't think anything through and wont go out of his way for anyone but himself.

it's unreal.

it's not who i thought you were. which is the biggest disappointment of all. your complete and total disregard for my well-being shows how little you actually cared about me. i cannot stand the idea that my poor cats are stuck in your piss-filled apartment. it's all so shit.

[longliveharrypotter]

after I left today, you sent me a text that said "gosh I miss you already."

and that made me melt. you have me in a tizzy. all I want to do is cuddle up with you and kiss you and talk to you. I want to feel your hands on me, feel your arms around me, hear you laugh.

I'm just tired and smitten

[longliveharrypotter]

I'm here again, cause I want to talk about you. and for whatever reason I don't want to write about in my journal right now.

maybe because it's new, maybe because I feel like i need to put some art in there first. but I am listening to the chitter chatter of everyone at this rotary district planning meeting, but i am just thinking about you. and kissing you in my car, and all the songs that you have sung to me, and the songs that you have wrote that are kind about me.

they make me squirm, and butterflies spawn in my chest and i just want to think about all the ways that you feel like you can't get enough of me. which is basically what you said in one song that you said was about me, and about your ex. and all the good stuff i took to me about me. not for sure. but i do get the sense that you really really really do like me.

you told me yesterday that everyone is calling me your girlfriend. which, i have to tell you, i really did like.

i asked you how you felt about it, and you got shy and squirmy. which was also cute. and then you told me that you really liked how things were going.

so i said that i didn't need a label per say, (especially not so early on) but that i was probably gonna bring it up in a little bit of time, which you seemed to be pretty happy about.

so that made me very happy. i like this idea, i like that we are well on our way to being a couple. i like you. i like you so so much. you're so calm and unbothered by my chaos and so kind and sweet and aware. which i think comes from being someone who actually listens to people when they point out those things out.

i might show you these some day. all these posts that i have written about you.

maybe.

[dogpuppy]

[wordfather]

the only way out is through but fuuuuuuuuuck fuuuuucckkkk cant i like scooch past or something

[longliveharrypotter]

I like you. I like you so much. I can't believe how wonderful you are

[t4tstarvingdog]

“start your free trial now” what if i told u i am already experiencing trials. and the cost is more than i can bear

[bob-belcher]

The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993) dir. Henry Selick

[my-dailydreams]

[pleasequietdown]

No Noise November. everyone shut up

[radicalgraff]

"The old world is dying, and the new world struggles to be born: Now is the time of Monsters"

Gramsci quote poster spotted in NYC

[sinkies]

whatever I'm out of here.

[glitch--daddy]

Girls with the kindest hearts suck it the sloppiest

[str-ngeloop]

probably tomorrow i'm gonna somehow be more organized and disciplined than i ever have been in my whole life so i'm fine probably

[thememedaddy]

[longliveharrypotter]

two posts, two days in a row.

something must be going on.

it went well. i think it went great infact. he could have asked me more questions, i could have waited before i slept with him, and i wish our first kiss had been better.

but it still went great.

we talked all night, even if i did most of the question asking. he listened and laughed at my stories, he was so sweet with his little legs touches, and his kind words when i was playing pinball.

and by the time we got to his house, i could tell that he was a little nervous. he kept telling me that his house was a mess and that it might smell bad and and and. i didn't care, which i also told him. so we sat on his couch and listened to great music and eventually i slid my way over to into his arms. i loved that. it was really sweet, and he told me how comfortable he was, like he really wanted me to know that he was happy with the situation.

and i loved all of that.

i feel like he's a little nervous about the things that other people (partners?) didn't like, like his sleep talking, or the state of his house. which isn't something i think will be a huge issue for me.

but i do think he was a bit nervous.

i didn't really know what to do with myself this morning, in part because he was really hung over. so he didn't feel well, so sex was off the table. but he did play some songs for me, which was lovely. and so sexy.

tomorrow, i'm seeing him again. and all i really want to do right now is think about him, think about how it went, get myself excited or mad about how i did things.

it's all new, and it's still something i'm figuring out

[longliveharrypotter]

it's kinda uncomfortable, having this blog connected to my email.

but i was looking for somewhere where i could talk this out a bit, and i came back here.

it's a man, predictably. not that this is the only thing that i worry about, or the only thing i feel the need to reflect on, but maybe it's just harder to process alone. harder to parse out, in part because it's so much closer to me. and it's making me sick.

not really,

but nervous.

which is weird. not that weird, i mean, i always get nervous before a date. but i'm *super* nervous. and i have been for a few days now.

and i think there are a few reasons why.

it's really all of a sudden. i didn't expect this happen. no, i never thought this would happen. from the moment i met him, i thought he was incredible. he is so cute, so charming, so funny and kind. and i cannot believe that he wants to go on a date with me. (well, i can believe it cause i think i'm awesome. but what i find so crazy is that the timing worked out. that he is single right now, when i'm single, and that we both found that out so quickly and so quickly planned a date)

and i didn't think he would ever be single. which i know i already said, but like what.

and i mean, when he looks at me, i feel this absolute slinky kinda stomach flip drop that makes me squirm. and makes me really want to kiss him.

so i'm freaking out. and it could be because this could be real