The Inside of Suicidal Thought
For the student who is feeling pressured from family,
For the graduate who is struggling in their new role,
For the experienced and burned out, who cannot see a way out
For every person who has contemplated, is contemplating, or spent time considering their life is failing, without meaning,
For every person who has tried to reach out, unable to reach out, has reached out with their words drowned in the waves of indifference.
For every person who cries of intense sadness when the world sees them smiling,
For every person who found themselves in a void, unable to feel, unable to take pleasure, unable to articulate to the outside world anymore;
I wouldn’t expect you to trust these words,
I wouldn’t expect you to trust there is light,
I wouldn’t expect to understand your precise struggle,
I hear you, I hear your silent cries, I feel your pain, I understand your emptiness, Â when the world feels overwhelming.
I feel your frustration when people say, “reach out for help,” for on the inside it’s not so simple. It’s not so simple at all, so you smile and you carry on.
I understand the struggle to fit in, the struggle of wanting to be left alone, the struggle of being misunderstood.
Perhaps you’ve tried to reach out, perhaps you’ve encountered judgment, eye rolls, friends who have abandoned you, moved on when you’ve needed them the most, and you’ve retreated into sadness and emptiness beyond comprehension.
Please hear me when I tell you that there is a point that is beyond the void, beyond the pain, beyond the indifference, beyond the feelings of failure, beyond the struggle.
It may not feel like it today, it may not feel like that tomorrow or the tomorrows after that,
It may be in the unexpected,
a small joy of a friend who just sort of silently checks in on you from time to time,
a small courtesy where a person you do not know holds a door open for you, asks you to take a final seat on the train, meets your eyes and smiles, notices you, sees you, and hears you when express gratitude.
a small comfort, simplicity, of your cat or dog laying in your lap, secure in your care
a small reminder of the little comforts you bring to others during their own times of need,
A solitary moment in your day when the clouds of darkness give way to a glimmer of hope, and you’re reminded that perhaps you’ve got something small to offer this world,
…and that’s really not so small after all.
But you and I know, it’s not so simple as that.
Today may be world suicide prevention day, but for you, every day is a day of awareness.
…If you have a friend, a coworker, or family who has entrusted you with their depression, voiced words of ending their life, take it seriously….They’re not looking for pity, they’re not looking to be seen as “a problem,”  People make the assumption suicidal people are weak, but it takes a lot of courage for a suicidal person to open up, even a little bit.
Give the gift of listening.
