King of the Woodland Realm

Good day to you. I am Thranduil, son of Oropher. King of Mirkwood, Lord of the Silvans, and a god of good wine and parties. I am also father of Legolas, who inherits his good looks from me. I am married to the most amazing man to ever grace Arda with...

[lordthranduil]

It’s far too quiet around here.

My son is abroad teaching poor Hobbit children how to read. I’m divorced. No interesting dirt on Galadriel to spill. Just me and the butler. 

[elvenking]

Go back to the Void from whence you came!

[theladyoflorien-blog]

Not just fair, but, still the mightiest.

[lordthranduil]

#take that Legolas Greenleaf

...I was going to let your delusions slide this time, but then you decided to insult my son. Rather low of you, isn’t it? I mean, he is your husband’s younger cousin. Not to mention all the beauty secrets he’s shared with you... not that they work.

The point is that my son has more beauty in his left toenail than you ever could, especially when you look like a homeless kelp monster. 

[yilingweiclan]

Am I alone in totally being able to see Lindir as a bit of a dom?

[lordthranduil]

-spits out absinthe- LINDIR? A dom? -choking with laughter- That boy couldn’t even dominate his own hair let alone another Elf. Oh Valar, that’d be the day. Lindir, a dom!

[lordthranduil]

has ebola hit the woodland realm yet

-looks up from filing nails- What’s an ebola? 

[lordthranduil]

Ok dude just wanted to say you're really fabulous and gorgeous. K I'm going now have a nice day ;)

Thank you for the common knowledge. 

[legolasgreenleafbestandpre-blog1]

-hiding in bedroom, texting- Looks like it's just you and me, kid.

-Just like always. Tequila or icecream?-

[lordthranduil]

Ice cream and absinthe. Let's wipe out Haagen Dasz.

[lordthranduil]

'Forever.'

It was something they were taught from birth. He was to live forever, to rule forever, to love forever.

But in recent years, he'd learnt it was as meaningless a word as any other.

Doriath was to stand forever. His father would be king forever. He'd have Celendriel forever. And when none of that was left, Elrond had promised him forever.

But now he knew. Forever was a lie. Forever didn't exist. And if it did, it certainly wasn't for him. 

Thranduil heaved a sigh, blinking back tears, and began looking over some documents.

[lordthranduil]

*THE ULTIMATE YULE PARTY EXPLODES FORTH, XMAS MUSIC THROBBING BASS, GLITTER EXPLODING, FAIRIES DRESSED AS ELVES FLYING PAST, TREES FLASHING STROBE LIGHTS, ICE SCULPTURES GLEAMING, TINSEL GUNS SPRAYING, SNOW MACHINES BLOWING, FOUNTAINS OF WINTER WINES BUBBLING, ELVES CLAPPING AND CHEERING* Happy Yule Ada! -scurries past wearing pink boots-

-shouts, and falls backward- THAT'S IT. THE ELK GETS THE BOOTS.

[lordthranduil]

Yeah okay let's go, I'll just go in here to the hall to the table *opens the door slowly*

-has guard up-

[lordthranduil]

Alright, alright. You win. I surrender.

Good boy. Now as punishment... -hands him the census and smiles-

[lordthranduil]

-floods Legolas' inbox with videos of himself and Elrond set to "Jingle Bells"-

[legolasgreenleafbestandpre-blog1]

-a very naked and very drunk Galion bursts out, flinging orange glitter everywhere-

*poker face* IS THAT ALL YOU GOT, ADA?!

[lordthranduil]

-speaking into Galion's earpiece- Alright, now grab every hairbrush you see and meet me in the stable. The horses and Belegaras are shedding again.

[lordthranduil]

*hauling snow machine into great hall* YEAAAAAAAAAAAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAA *mad with power*

-texts a picture of him about to pour molasses over shoes, Belegaras nosing a boot in the background-

[lordthranduil]

legolasgreenleafbestandprettiest replied to your post:*sends picture of scissors and his favorite...

GIVE ME THE SHOES YOU IT DOESN’T WORK THAT WAY. *panting, crazy eyed*

Get them yourself. Don't be so lazy. It's unbecoming and you need to work off those lovehandles.

[lordthranduil]

-leaves a piece of cheese in Legolas' deserted underwear drawer-

-replaces all his hair products with honey-

[lordthranduil]

*sends picture of scissors and his favorite ceremonial robes* For every hour you wait, one item of clothing gets it.

Answer the question. -livid-

[lordthranduil]

I know that you are preparing to fight. Your efforts are futile. You cannot fight me. I do not want to ruin you. I have great respect for the ruler of this realm. Give me the shoes, and none shall be harmed. Give me the shoes, and I shall leave the closet untouched. Give me the shoes, and you will be rewarded. You have until midnight.

At this point the only reward I'll take is my naked husband tied up and in my bed, you snotty brat. What kind of reward are we talking?