has someone already meshed nerdification with forcemasc before…. starting your first shot with the hopes of gaining muscle, fat redistribution, bottom growth and feeling your voice rumble in your chest, but, as the months go on, your changes feel less… idyllic.
the warnings about sex drive were true - within an hour of your first dose, your dick becomes uncomfortably sensitive. every shift of your thighs betrays a promise of sensation, and you find yourself able to get off just by rubbing or humping an object (a pillow, a dildo, someone’s leg). you can’t stop thinking about sex, too. you find yourself ogling women on the street, imagining passersby with their legs in the air, tits bouncing, images of the porn you started watching every night flash uncontrollably across your eyes. you start to masturbate every night, twice a day, down to any private moment you can get.
despite this, your dick doesnt grow an inch, only becoming incredibly sensitive. walking long distances without steeling yourself proves difficult. when you ask your older, transitioned friends, they laugh, assure you that length will come with time. “or-“ they say between a laugh “-you may just be predisposed to have a micropenis.”
the promised muscle growth is slow to come, too, but you feel your fat distributing in.. less flattering ways. you start to notice how lanky and out-of-shape you look, despite no changes in your physical activity level. you were really looking forward to lifting heavy boxes for people, showing off your gains, but people almost go out of their way to avoid asking you for help in physical tasks. you overheard someone saying you “could get knocked over by a stiff wind”. ashamed, you slowly start wearing things that make you feel more comfortable.. until your closet ends up full of graphic tees, flannels, basketball shorts and khakis.
just as immediately as the bottom sensitive started up, so did your acne. no matter how hard you scrub your face and eat clean, angry splotches of red cover your cheeks and nose. your friends assure you that acne is a “tboy rite of passage”, and that it “clears up eventually”, but with the weight distribution, new clothes, small dick, and whiny voice, you’re beginning to look (and feel) like the kind of guy you’d spot holed up in a gamestop or anime convention than your transition goals.
fuck, your voice. this one was the worst. your voice dropped sooner than most on testosterone, but instead of settling in your throat, reedy like the tboy fagcents you’re used to, or rumbling deep in your chest, it somehow migrated to… your nose. your masculine voice is grating and nasally, and cracks all the time to boot. your friends started mocking you every time you have to correct them (which, to be fair, is often) with that stupid nerd emoji, and “um, actually!”. you protest this of course, but the sudden rush of humiliation actually… fuck, it makes it all so much worse.
you’re a few months into taking testosterone, and you can’t believe how far you’ve strayed from your original vision of yourself. you’ve started to isolate yourself, indulging in hobbies once repressed, watching old anime and playing video games shoved under your bed, for just a shred of comfort during your transition. extrareality becomes your solace.
it’s been a year into your first testosterone dose. you now get winded from a brisk walk, sweat permeating your aphex twin tee, peppering your acne-riddled face and fogging up your glasses. you curse under your breath, your voice nasal and dripping with irritation, especially as your shoulder bag laden with star trek pins almost gets launched onto the pavement as a group of gorgeous girls shoulder past you, their hair shiny, makeup expertly applied, outfits perfect.
they take one look at you, back at them, laugh at your dorky physique, and continue walking.
you immediately receive an intrusive thought of their perfect nails sliding up and down your little cock. your dick twitches.
you need to find a bathroom, now.
