Should I let my Significant Other know I struggle with Anxiety?
Sharing this thought with one’s significant other certainly on the surface may not seem like a masculine or provide the protective image that a man might want to portray. And it could definitely cause strain on a relationship as one’s mate may feel insecure or threatened by the possibilities. So do we as men share or do we do the normal manly thing and operate without instructions? If we decide not to share and self delegate and designate, the following is the question we have to address. That question is, can we use our anxiety to build character and resilience? The other thing we may wonder is how big of a problem is this? Am I one of the few that is battling this anxiety disorder? and actually it is a magnanimous problem. According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, these are the statistics of those who have officially been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder in the US alone. 19.1% of all adults in the US or over 40 million people have been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. Seven percent of children have been officially diagnosed. This clearly doesn’t account for the overwhelming cases that are not reported or diagnosed. When you put this into perspective it’s no wonder we have little to no peace in the world. Yet there are experts, experienced and exposed individuals who believe there is a light at the end of the tunnel to a place of better character while strengthening one’s resilience along the path.
S.E. (Scott) Huffaker, the author of the newly released book “Lost Arrows -Coping With The Death of a Child” is an advocate and proponent for pushing thru the anxiety to become a more functional you! In his book Scott shares his story of how his son who was 32, unexpectedly passed away in August of 2021. And he credits past experiences of not being able to see his son for years on end due to custody issues as helping him to learn how to deal with his son’s absence. The pain, anxiety, fear, dread and uneasiness that he encountered for almost half of his son’s life had to be dealt with. He had moved on from his divorce and had a wife and two other children that he needed to support. Scott believes that grief can be somewhat of a deeper level of anxiety. A person dealing with grief has those same feelings of fear, dread and uneasiness. In his book he shares how cultures and those in times past dealt with death, grief and the emotions involved. In the rest of his book he presents a menu of items that one can utilize to become that more functional you.
The following are some of those ideas that he shares and as he is writing his new book he shares some things that he has found that even catapult that level of wellness to a higher plane of peacefulness.
In Scott’s view, building character and resilience in the face of anxiety condenses down to these three things:
He utilizes these two acronyms of the word anxiety to demonstrate how important attitude and perspective are:
Xenophobic – in that one becomes so self absorbed in their anxiety others are perceived as foreigners.
E ager – no sense of peace or calmness
Y obbish – aggressive and lashing out at others due to the internal struggle
A ffirmative – confident, strong minded
N owness – operating in the now, knowing this is the only time we have control over
X anadu – mentally & emotionally in an idyllic, peaceful, happy & magnificent place
I ntelligent – one feels intelligent and accomplished for mastering their emotions
E nthusiastic – every moment is an adventure
T imely – because one understands what’s important now
Y are – sailing the seas of life, our ship is easily manageable
Per Scott, we can choose at any given moment which of these above perspectives to embrace.
He further lays out several other actions, mindsets and maps to migrate.
Mindfulness – this is accomplished by having a nowness mindset and properly managing our time with timeblocks along with other tools.
Affirmations – paired with prayer and/or meditation to help one stay on task throughout the day.
Cognitive Behavior Therapy – in his book he lays out one method, yet there are several books and methods that are available for one’s preferences.
Sleep habits – getting the proper rest one needs is mandatory for mental wellness
Dietary habits & Exercise – what we consume and what we do with what we consume dramatically affects how we feel physically and emotionally. Having a balanced regimen in this area will help us escalate our wellness.
Tuning into your mind – Scott states that the #2 book that he believes everyone should read now is “The Untethered Soul” by Michael Singer. Understanding your conscious state and awareness versus the mind (your onboard computer) is imperative in managing your emotional state. It is this prescription that will truly elevate one to a higher level of peace and satisfaction.
In the end our mental wellness, relief from anxiety, building character and becoming more resilient many times hinges on our choices. Do we choose to be better or do we settle in where we are presently? That is the ultimate question!
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