Zayne usually always had some on him, the perks of working in a hospital with an endless supply of free condoms. But you figured the responsible girlfriend thing to do was to keep a box at your place, just in case. But maybe you hadn't thought that plan out entirely.
You almost feel a sense of kinship with men who've been sent to buy menstrual products, staring at an aisle of items you really don't know much about. So, you call the person you always call when you have a question.
"Hello?" Zayne's voice comes through after the first ring, because of course.
"What size is your dick?" You ask, thankful there's no one around to hear you.
"I'm sorry?" He sounds incredulous, though you know he heard you.
"Well, when you're hard. For the condoms. I'm kind of flying blind here. There's not exactly a size chart on these things." You inspect the back of a box just to be certain before putting it back. Cherry flavoured? Yuck.
"Oh. Well you'll have to grab a large. But it's not entirely necessary, I can pick up more at the hospital."
"If Yvonne sees you grabbing anymore condoms, she's gonna think we're sex addicts or something" It takes a minutes for the words to process, as you're busy scanning the boxes, trying to avoid things like "ribbed" and "glow in the dark."
"Wait...you're a large?" You hear him scoff almost incredulously.
"I'll try not to be offended by your surprise." He says, his tone flat as you laugh.
"Well, I'm just saying. Lucky me huh?" He sighs loudly, and you're sure he's pinching the bridge of his nose. Finally, you find a pack that looks good enough.
"Okay, these look good enough! Hopefully they fit you. If not, we'll probably have to do it raw." You say, relishing the choked noise you hear from the other side of the phone.
"You know what, I believe I'm mistaken. Get the small size."
im working on fixing my twt acc (im not calling that x bc who does 🙄) so if you guys wanna follow and interact with my bs, feel free to follow @lostcerise on twt 😊
i will most be (s)creaming abt fictional men/hobbies there because im trying to keep this blog focused on content i produce
now he’s thinking ‘bout me every night oh isn’t that sweet? i guess so. say you can’t sleep, baby, i know that’s that me espresso.
she’s his morning coffee and addiction—an obsession he can’t live without.
cw: none. no spoilers.
“artem! jeremy asked me out for dinner and i need you to—”
don’t you think it’s strange? a spoon ground against the edge of a cup, the gritting noise repetitive but slow. nothing out of the ordinary in an office pantry of themis law firm. nothing strange if it weren’t for the empty cup that artem had been absentmindedly stirring for the past nine minutes.
“hey! are you listening? what are you spacing out for?” came celestine’s chirpy tone that he almost jumped out of surprise. “you look so out of it. have you even had your morning coffee?”
no, she’s not around.
luckily artem caught himself before he almost admits that out loud. even while in the office pantry, his eyes wander occasionally to the work area of the junior partners, hoping and praying that he’d catch a glimpse of her.
one look was all he needed. just one look. a single glimpse.
but unfortunately his caffeine fix was nowhere to be found.
“well, you should. it’s not like you to keep spacing out like this.”
“i haven’t,” artem replies before celestine starts having any funny ideas that conspire about his non-existent romantic life.
artem pours his coffee, knowing better than to deign that comment with a reply. when you’re in the field long enough, lawyers know what word could lead to another. right now, he’s not in the mood to continue this conversation—especially without his caffeine fix. celestine knows that, so she decided to be on her merry way before artem’s bitter expression turns acrid like his overbrewed coffee.
he almost sighs in relief when he hears her footsteps receding. almost. before she even takes a couple steps ahead, she pauses for a moment to add an afterthought to their morning chat.
“you have a coffee machine in your office.”
well shit.
looks like nothing can escape the shrewd eyes of a woman in a relationship flourishing with romance. her short chuckle rings in his ear like a passing fly, fixing a bitter frown on his face. looks like he already had his fair share of a bitter tonic to rile him up.
at least his trip to the pantry wasn’t all for naught. taking the already cooled cup of stale coffee with him, he felt a little bit more rejuvenated on the way back. maybe he should consider making his morning coffee in the pantry a regular part of his routine.
luckily, his frown curled upside down just a teeny tiny bit when you appeared in the corner of his eye, sitting on your desk and primed to tackle the mountain of new cases on your desk.
end.
reading notes:
inspired by artem's blossom chapters and stellis interactions (he's such a whipped man) but before the events of the last chapter of episode 1.
wondered what it would be like if he did this regularly.
yes, this is also inspired by sabrina carpenter's espresso. but in this case, artem is the one who can't stop thinking about you that he's developed an addiction on par with his caffeine intake.
come and put your lipstick on my neck and my body, my baby
just to show these bitches that you're mine.
prompt: lipstick stains; marius + his deep pockets
cw: none.
he’s hardly shown much interest in lipsticks. the only times he’s ever engaged with such things was purchasing them as presents or viewing the year-end sales in pax group’s department stores. even then, he’s hardly ever been particular with the shade.
why bother picking out lipstick for a woman when he can just buy the whole collection? good question. because now he’s spent the past four hours, immersed in the many rows of lipsticks presented to him by pax group’s beauty boutiques just to hunt down one shade he’s been obsessed with.
“this isn’t it,” he puts down another shade of lipstick after swatching it against his skin. not even the big data lab can help him simplify his search. he’s been highly particular about the shade no. it has to be perfect.
“um, sir? what shade are you looking for, exactly?”
“a soft, light mauve, like the color of raspberries. a little pink, but not too saturated or opaque.”
“how about this one?”
“—no. it has to be the color of her lips.”
the sales clerk’s jaw dropped. “i’m sorry?”
the woman managed to recover from her initial shock as marius went about through the rows of lip products presented before him, all of which were thoroughly scrutinized by his artist’s eye and rejected.
“well sir, you’ve swatched everything in the store. i’m afraid there’s nothing else i can offer you—”
“no. contact the production manager. there has to be something.”
“but sir, we just released the new collection for this season. everything in the store—”
“—i need them to make me a specific shade.”
and just like that, that’s how a lipstick shade became named after you. when word got out, sales skyrocketed and the shade went viral that supply couldn’t keep up with demand. in the succeeding months, revenue for pax fashion flew off the roof and the company earned positive reception for having a “romantic CEO” at it’s helm. but he couldn’t care less. marius is more than content with seeing that bespoke shade stain his skin with the shape of your lips. all these royalties and awards are just a bonus to the real deal he craves like a drug.
working on new fics for tot because vyn and artem are giving me ideas. sadly i might put the lnd fics on hold since i'm struggling with them 😭 (and its all sylus brainrot)