I understand. Leaving me was the choice you took, because you needed to find yourself. You had to chase your dreams, in memory of your mother. You wanted to settle for the best, I let you. I was so proud of you for doing so, for I know, you are off to be the best.
I understand. You wanted to focus, and the pain of going through losing me, the girl you love, is goinng to haunt you if you lost me the same way you did with her. I got it, that way. I let you go. You were set off by my best friend, you did what was you thought was best. Admitting to it, so I wouldn't question it anymore. I understood, I let go.
I understand. I made you sad. The doubts that filled my head never left my lips, and it hurt you. They never made you sleep good at nights. You said I made you vulnerable, and it was good to have a let out, but I never comforted you. It stung, a lot, but I endured. I said sorry, for I thought I was doing it right.
I understand. When you said you wanted to forget me and everything you felt for me, but I felt like meeting me was a mistake. That was how I felt. With shaky hands, I read your messages, and I saw that you blocked me. My love, my heart broke into multiple pieces, but the day that came, I told myself I never was a mistake. In the late day, I believed.
I understand. You put me in such bad light, for you thought I was putting you in such pressure, in such bad light, too. That I was not understanding anything, that I was exhausting you. That talking to me hurts you. I understand, love, I did. I just did not want you and your best friend to go awry because of me.
I understand, until I couldn't anymore. The pain that I kept for so long sung that it resonated through my voice. I was so angry, for you missed a lot of things. How I tried so hard for you.
How when you were hurting, I tried to be gentle. Yes, those doubts haunt me down, but whenever it's you, I think about what I should say, to comfort you. The movies I suggest, I'd think if it triggers you. The songs I give, I hope they ease you. I hope that you know that I am here for you.
The limitation we had broke me, and I kept it still everyday. I wanted to be there for you. I can never ask for more. I want to figure this out. I run to and fro, but I go back to you for I love you so.
I was there. That was I wanted you to know. I was there, but you did not see me. You thought I made you sad, but I tried so hard, it broke me. I looked at you beyond these bridges I built so I won't see you, but I cross them everyday, so I can be there for you.
You said I take a step back, you said I never wanted your sadness, but God, I wanted everything of you. I wanted to hold your hand and never let go until you cry, so you'll tell me what's on your mind. So I'll tell what's bothering me, too. I wanted you to see this so bad.
But when she called, I was set aside. I understood. I tried to. But it was breaking me apart, too.
That is why at the final moment, I told you how much it ached in my way. I let you see that I can hurt you, too. You never knew how much my heart told me not to do it, for I can never hurt someone I protected from me for so long, but it actually felt worth it, that time.
I was so lost. I was all over the place. I was so sad. I wanted it to be me. I wanted out of the limitations. I wanted you, so bad. The walls were broken a long time ago, I just let you feel like there were something more. I can never admit it, but you make me so weak.
You make me weak like I can never live without you. You make me cry like I never did. You make me feel a lot of things, and I get scared of losing you, so much.
You get into my system so much, that my anger rose, and I let you see me.
I understand, I really think I do.
But do you understand me? I screamed so much inside, asking you if it is me, now. Do you?
You are so cruel to me, too. You don't see that. I hate it to admit, but you are.
annaxmalina
blakekathryn
stormborns
origamiaround
jbbartram-illu
2087