Lost Dazed & Confused

24 years and lost in life. My thoughts, stories, and little moments.

[lostdazedandconfusedinlife]

I'm Tired

Cold and wet

The floor is grainy

Waves crashing on the shore

It's a dark night

But the sky shines so bright

The sea is nothing but darkness

The air is cool and crisp

I look to the sea

No one is here

I take one last look to the city

The lights are bright

I hear a car screech

Someone is running fast

Slowly the water is moving up

The tide is coming in

Up to my knees in water

I hear someone scream my name

But it's too late

The sea takes me

As i lay floating in the sea

I think and say

Lord i am tired

I can’t keep fighting

The world won over me

Please let it take me

One last crash i can hear

The feeling of a hand grabs me

I go under with one last thought

To never be known to a soul

[lostdazedandconfusedinlife]

What is Love?

Ever since i could remember

i had this crazy imagination

Wanted my life to be like the movies

And the books i would read

Having these dramatic dreams

Me falling in love with someone

having them do the big romantic gestures

Having a best friend in them

Someone i could call home

I would imagine someone saving me

Someone who would bring me flowers

Maybe not everyday but randomly

When they thought it would just make my day

The small gestures of opening doors

Or just remember something small

Everything i learned was from movies

I never got to see real love

And i feel like if i did maybe i would know

What real love is and feels like

I feel like i do know but my head says no

But it feels like he loves me

It's just a bit confusing at times

I feel like my mind just doubts it

But growing up not knowing

Makes life so tuff

[lostdazedandconfusedinlife]

I'm really hoping that you're the one who is meant to be because if you're not i don't think i could ever love again. I'm really hoping you chose to stay though all the bad and the good. That you'll love me for me and all the changes I have to come. Because i have always loved you though all of yours. What if you are i'm just the one who was just here to help heal you and you leave. That's what frightens me that I was never the one for you. That i'm just a filler to help you through life and help you fix your trama. I've loved you fully and unconditionally and I hope you do the same with me…

[lostdazedandconfusedinlife]

The truth of me

Im so lost

And confused

Im broken

But if you can take the time

I love intensely

I can give you my whole heart

All of my time that i have

I can make you feel important

You will feel my love

It may be overwhelming

But you will know the love i have

I will show and tell you

In every way you want or need

I can read what is missing in you

And i can help you through everything

But no one shows love towards me

Maybe they try

But i've been broken since birth

Everything you say will stick to me

It will never go away

Constantly in this loop

Of giving my heart

But them only giving half

I would give you the world

My world i give it to you

But you'll never notice im broken

You wont ask

You'll just ignore

While i'm crying with a smile

Saying im fine

Never getting to tell my truth

[lostdazedandconfusedinlife]

Death told me fame is not for me

With fame come deceit, lies, and cheating

That is not a real life lived he said

People sell their souls for fame

Yet their life just becomes drained

Stuck in the fishbowl of life

Never knowing true happiness

It is a twisted never filling pain

With fame you always want more

Never being able to close that door

Yet other can close it forever for you

So he said see fame isn’t you

Can you see you want a full lived life

You deserve to love and to be loved

With no deceit and no eyes looking in

You are kind and a beautiful soul who deserves more…

[lostdazedandconfusedinlife]

The pen is the mightiest sword

To vanquish all villains

In every stories and fairytale

They have the hero

They have a Damsel in distress

And the evil villain

The hero vanquishes the villain

With a brutal battle

Sword clashing

And damsels screaming

The hero ends the villain

With one mighty swing of the sword

And everyone lives happily ever after

But the writer is the true hero

The writer with the pen

They’re the one who writes

They decided the happy or tragic ending

In life the one who holds the pen

Is the one who writes their future

They stand up for what they believe in

And protect other around them

The pen can write anything in life

Your pen controls your future

[lostdazedandconfusedinlife]

Little Girl

Oh little girl with your eyes with so much glee

Don’t look that way for your eyes shouldn’t see

That your future to be is  a life feeling so free

Future you has no worries so just let it be

Enjoy life little girl and go climb that tree

[lostdazedandconfusedinlife]

Death

Death is my friend that stops for me time to time

How sweet he is for making the most time for me

We talk about for off places I wish to go

We’re sooning running out of time

The talks of the afterlife that’s soon around the corner

But not for me, it’s for another

I know how I die but I’m not sure when

Death slipped it out over the conversation of the dead

He will not tell me when, he doesn’t want to worry me

But death doesn’t worry me like most I hope for it

The peace of mind that has never been mine

I would never be the one to take death myself

But when it should happen do not be sad

I will not be, I always love seeing death…

[lostdazedandconfusedinlife]

Shattered

The feeling of pieces breaking but you’re not sure if it was ever whole. You see it shatter but don’t know if you could put it back. See the problem was it was broken quite a lot before so each piece was difficult to fix again. She was fragile but no one ever handled her with care until him. She felt important and love never thinking he would break her too. She was for once relaxed and happy thinking she was able to be on the top shelf. Like everyone did before he dropped and broke her. Yet this time she didn’t break, she shattered into a million pieces not quite knowing how to be put back together. She stayed there still loving him never knowing how to be whole again…

[lostdazedandconfusedinlife]

When I knew I loved you is when I was scared for the day you wouldn’t be in my life anymore. I didn’t fall for you all at once but slowly day by day for the past 3 years. You may have not known it but deep down I knew how kind you could be. You were the one who always showed up just in time for me. Anytime I needed you, you would be there for me. The only person who was ever real with me and would call me out when I was doing wrong. You were the only person that would try to make me a better person and actually cared about me. Not in just a guy and girl but as in human beings. We’ve spent so many years together having ups and downs. But you’re the only person I can never get tired of and get excited to see everyday. Maybe we did just start as friends but these feelings never went away. You’re the person I want to grow with as we’ve already done so much growing up from sixteen. I never want to hold you back for anything in life but be the one by your side supporting you. I want to be able to pick you up on your bad days as you do for me. I know this life thing isn’t easy but with you I feel safe, confident, and happy, I will always love you

[michaelbogild-deactivated202503]

“Writing poetry, giving shape to a thousand worlds.”

—

[lostdazedandconfusedinlife]

I’m such a hopeless romantic and I end up hurting myself more than anyone else does. I try to keep my expectations low and they still don’t reach it. I’m tired of not knowing what is reality and what I just imagined in my head. It really gets confusing and my heart breaks more and more each time…

[lostdazedandconfusedinlife]

To the person who decides to love me..

To the person who decides to love me, I want to make sure this is a choice that you are sure of because I will give you my whole heart without a second thought. I want you to put me first as I will put you first, I will give you my full energy but I need you to give me the same back. I have a tendency to love hard so I’m sorry if you feel like it’s overbearing but if you are the one you wouldn’t mind. I really hope that you are the one because I don’t want to give my heart away to anyone that’s not. I get insecure sometimes and jealous but I’ll try my hardest not to take it out on you but to talk to you and communicate how I’m feeling. I have bad days of anxiety and depression so I’ll get scared some days that you don’t want to be with me. I have trust issues because of my parents and seeing them being divorced and cheating on each other. So with that I never got to see or experience what true love is so when I say I love you know that it means so much more coming from me because I am trusting you what’s my full heart. If I tell you I love you know that I would never hurt you because seeing my family cheat and waste time of their lives it’s something I would never do to you. So if I want to be with me that means that I took down my guard and let you come in because I see something with you. With you I feel happy, safe and at peace. Honestly I have never felt that with no one but you. Hopefully you are the one for me but if you’re not I know will at least help each other grow and be on good terms. We will help each other become better people little by little and hopefully over time, you are the one that stays. I am truly grateful that you helped me put back my broken pieces and I hope I helped you to in some sort of way. You mean the world to me and I love you.

[lostdazedandconfusedinlife]

Everyone is a poet

What I truly hate about this generation is the fact that anyone can be a poet or a writer without knowing true sadness or love. By saying the most mediocre things they have witnessed on TV or in films and think they have the understanding of deep emotion. They will never truly know how it feels to have your heart shattered in a million pieces or have an unconditional love that no matter what a person does to you that you can’t stop loving them. They simply think they know everything and anything about life without truly living their life. Most of their relationships are based on showing social media a perfect picture but never knowing how it feels to see that person as your favorite picture or story with all the faults and little details. They never truly let someone into their heart so they are never truly hurt when that person leaves. They don’t jump off a ledge into the unknown not knowing if that person will ever have the same feeling back for them. They play it safe hoping that they’ll never get hurt keeping that guard up never letting anyone in. That they never get to live a full life they settle for what they think is love. Never knowing what true love will ever feel like and for that I truly feel bad for them.

[yellowgelb]

[lostdazedandconfusedinlife]

Little Things

When I say I don’t remember things I lie I remember everything including the little things. I remember the stories you tell me that make you cry even though you try to hold it in. The stories that make you laugh uncontrollably and even the ones that make you angry. I remember your favorite foods and all the foods you hate. Like how you love literally anything spicy but hate most deserts besides the sour patch watermelons. How you love the color green because when you were in school everyone liked the color blue and red so you wanted something different that no one would choose. I remember everything about your family that you tell me, I know their names all by heart even though I’ve never met any of them. I know how much you loved and looked up to Kobe but I also know the other basketball players you like. I know how you lost the tooth as a teenager while playing basketball. I think I know most of your stories now but when you're drunk you will retell them over and over again but I let you. I let you because of how your eyes light up because you love those kinds of stories. I remember how you describe me, you make me sound so amazing even though sometimes I don’t think so. I remember every conversation and everything we do together. I remember when you tell me you love me but say you blacked out and can’t remember a thing. I just pretend I don’t remember these things so you won't think I’m obsessed with you. I love you so I won’t ever forget these things or ever forget about you like you might forget me...

[lostdazedandconfusedinlife]

For Once

For once I can say I’m actually kinda happy. I don’t wake up everyday anymore and tear myself down before the day even starts anymore. I eat everyday now and at least two meals a day. It may not seem a big deal for most of you but I’ve gone 7 years stressing about what I eat. I workout not because I feel fat but because I want to feel strong and healthy. I listen to my body now and I’ve never been happier. I still have my days where I get upset with myself but I remind myself how amazing I am. Who else will love me more than myself? No one! I’ve gone 22 years of hating myself and for the first time in years I’m just starting to love myself.