What have I done? Jeezus, the things that were important and that I felt the best about as far as what I did for you, have become what it is now. I know I talk and talk about getting our life back how we want it to be, and I mean it each and every time I talk about it, but I must change what has happened back to something that makes you smile. I have not handled what has come my way in a very good way. I am not sure why I have handled things how I have other than to say I have felt like the situation at work has been stressful to me from time to time. I know that is my choosing as to how I have taken it but regardless of that it has caused me to feel unlike I ever have before with regards to a new job. I am still confident that I can figure it out and move forward with it but as we have discussed, I am not sure that is what I want to do.
You have done nothing but be on my side, love me and try to talk to me in a rational and good way all along, it is me who has been negative, unnessarily harsh and stressed. While you have nothing but good intentions, I myself sometimes become overwhelmed with the thinking of the entire package of the job. Please know that I never mean to hurt you or make you feel like I know I have over and over.
Giving up on what we have has never ever been an option, or a thought, as I have felt and feel to this day that we are truly meant to be together in this life. The love we share is beyond anything I have or know of existing in this world and nothing in this life will make me feel any different. I have such a sweetness inside of my soul for you no matter what my actions show. That sweetness is there and wanting to come out.
I feel as though my mind is not quite straight as it was or needs to be. I am constantly trying to get it there and know that I will reach that point that I know is ‘my normal way’ soon. Don’t give up on me, don’t give up on us, don’t go away but come closer as I need you to be close to me. I know you need me to get close to you and I will honey, all I want to do is get close to you. I am sorry for my negativity about things, I’m sorry for dragging you into a hole, and I’m sorry for making you feel bad for even one moment. I love you and I will fix all the bad and we will have good again. I promise. Life’s bullshit will not win this but life’s good and fun parts will bring all this together again.
I guess I better talk to a driver who is trying to pound my door down. I can’t wait to be with you today.
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I can hear in your voice and your soul how low I have made you feel. I can’t even describe how it makes me feel to know I did that. God honey I am so sorry. Please don’t give up. Things will be better. I will be better. We will be better. It seems my ability to handle all things have dropped below what it was but I will get it back one way or another. You mean everything to me. You and me mean everything to me.
Ok, I’m gonna get out of here to come to you.
lottasmooch:
(via serialkiller)
(via musicfilter)
2017 - how could we know just a few years later you would leave forever when life was going so good. You never gave up on us. I miss you so much BMF.
