It's no longer @jatp-week's Shoutout Saturday because unfortunately stuff happened and I couldn't post yesterday but I thought this is still a perfect opportunity to give a shoutout to all the amazing people who have enriched my fandom experience over the last five years.
Being in this fandom hasn't always been easy (*cough* blacklist *cough*) but you guys made it all worth it. I can definitely say this fandom changed the trajectory of my life. It made me write more fics than I've ever written for a fandom before: 100 FICS!!! (okay the number is a bit wobbly because some of those are just ficlet collections but shhh, three ficlets in a trenchcoat are basically a fic, right?). And I met so so many cool people I can't even count them.
I hope I haven't forgotten anyone but I've talked with A LOT of people these last five years!! If I have forgotten you on this list, I am truly sorry. Feel free to drop into my inbox with a coffee and a complaint and we can chat about it ;D
Extra shoutout to anyone who has ever left a kind comment on one of my (100!!!) fics whose tumblr name I don't know/couldn't find. I promise I appreciate every single one of them and you!!
Putting the actual list under a readmore (in alphabetical order) because, as I said, it's A LOT of people from these five years. But if you're on this list, no matter if we've only chatted once or have hung out in a Discord server for years, if you've moved onto other fandoms (finished your jatp business ;D) or if we still share this fandom, if you've never been in the fandom but supported me or my fics, whether we're still friends or have drifted into different directions, whether you've read one of my fics or several: I really appreciate our interactions and the time we've spent/still spend together <3 <3 <3
thank you for hosting this event @jatpfebfanfest! it was great fun :D
This is for the most lovely @floating-in-the-blue and I definitely experienced no crises writing for you <3 (she lies). I hope you like it!
The greatest of thanks to @bbreaddog for beta-ing for me and @narcissusbrokenmirror for being my personal cheerleader! I appreciate you both so much!
“Ohhhh, look who it is Alex!” Luke teases as he catches sight of a familiar crew member helping them get set up for their show.
Alex can feel the heat travel up his face to the tips of his ears. “Shut up!” he mumbles, trying to make sure his voice doesn’t carry across the stage. “I never should have told you.”
Alex crouches down to finish setting up his drum kit.
“You should talk to him,” Luke insists as he unwraps a set of cables, laying them out as he goes.
“Not gonna happen.”
Alex feels an elbow rest on his shoulder and looks up to see Reggie grinning at him.
“We talking about Alex’s favourite stage hand?” Reggie asks cheerily.
“No,” Alex grumbles at the same time as Luke excitedly exclaims, “Yes!”
Alex shoves Reggie off of him and returns to getting set up. He nods Reggie toward his own side of the stage, silently begging him to drop it.
Reggie’s grin grows. He doesn’t move from his spot, calling back to Luke, “Hey Luke, how much you wanna bet that Alex can’t do it?”
Luke meets Reggie’s gaze and a grin of his own spreads across his face, “You’re on!”
“Terms?”
Alex interrupts them, voice laden with frustration, “Can you two not?”
Both Reggie and Luke turn their most exaggerated innocent expressions on him.
“Not what?” Luke asks.
“Can you not make my personal life the center of your amusement?”
“That’s not… that’s not what we’re doing!” Reggie cries defensively.
Alex raises an eyebrow, “really?”
“Really! We just want to see you happy.”
“I AM happy,” Alex insists.
“Yeah but you could be happy AND have arm candy and someone to smash faces with.” Reggie’s grin is back as he finally leaves Alex to go finish his own set up.
Alex rolls his eyes, “You’re ridiculous.”
“Guilty as charged!” Luke exclaims shamelessly before sending a dramatic wink Alex’s way.
Alex sighs as he turns back to his drum kit to ensure they’re set up properly for sound check. He doesn’t miss Luke’s exaggerated whisper to Reggie, “Loser buys pizza.”
“Mmmmm, free pizza! The best kind,” Reggie enthuses before returning to his bass.
“It’s rude of you to think I can’t do it!” Alex shouts back at Reggie and he’s simply met with Reggie’s signature shit-eating grin.
“Prove me wrong!”
And Alex tries. He really, really does. He works himself up to leaving the green room and makes it halfway down the hall before he has to circle back. His second attempt has him almost all the way to the stage wings before he’s again fleeing to safety. Before he knows it, his time is up and they’re called to the stage.
He gives it his all for their performance, the way he always does. If he maybe plays a little harder and sings a little louder, knowing that the person occupying so many of his thoughts is in the building and might be able to hear them, well then that’s for him to know and him alone. Though the knowing glances that both Luke and Reggie direct his way cause his face to flush. Maybe his thoughts are a bit louder than they should be.
He doesn’t even know this guy’s name, it’s unfair that he’s completely taken over Alex’s thoughts.
Alex finds that after finishing their set, he doesn’t have the opportunity to even think about finding the stage hand. Between taking things down and interacting with fans, he completely loses his grasp on time. Before he knows it, Luke and Reggie are steering him toward their van.
“I WIN!” Reggie cheers and Luke sends a wry look Reggie’s way.
“You never set a time limit,” Luke pointedly reminds him. Reggie’s eyes widen, his face immediately falling into a pout.
Alex’s own expression brightens as he remembers their exchange. “YOU’RE RIGHT! You didn’t!” Alex claps Luke on the back excitedly. “Thanks, buddy!”
Luke grins, “Welcome! You still have to do it eventually though.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Alex grumbles as he starts the van. He’s the only one of the trio that can be trusted behind the wheel, as hard as Luke and Reggie might try to continue to convince Alex otherwise. How they managed to get their licenses, Alex will never know. “Where we going?” he asks.
“I still want pizza,” Reggie mumbles as he buckles himself up.
Alex turns to Luke, “What’s the band account balance say?”
Luke reaches down and digs out their cash jar, shaking it sadly.
“Not happening, buds. Unless one of you wants to treat,” he replies. What little they do have and keep in their individual accounts is normally reserved for emergency emotional support (or making bets at the expense of their friends), not impulsive pizza runs.
“Cup noodles it is,” Alex says as he steers the van toward home, grateful for the lack of traffic at this time of night.
He doesn’t miss the way Reggie’s face falls as he glances in the rearview mirror. His heart shatters thinking about how often he’s seen that expression. Reggie might be good at hiding his feelings behind a goofy grin most of the time but Alex knows him and has learned to see through some of the cracks. The same way they have for him.
Alex takes a deep breath, refocusing on the road in front of him.
Luke gushes excitedly from the passenger seat, “We’re gonna make it, guys. I can FEEL it. Then you can have all the pizza you’d like, Reg!” He’s speaking in his typically amped up way that makes you wonder if he’s convincing you or himself. Apparently he’d also taken notice of Reggie’s pouting. Or, even more likely, just knows their friend that well at this point.
“Yeah,” Reggie agrees dejectedly. “It’s just temporary.”
Alex shoulder checks and moves into the right lane, slowing down to make his turn. He’s just made it to the corner when suddenly something thumps against the passenger side of the van.
“Holy shit, dude! You hit someone!” Luke exclaims, pulling himself forward in the seat to look out the window.
Alex immediately stops the van and shifts into park. He slams open his door, jumping out to see what had happened. “Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit,” he recites to himself the entire time he’s rounding the front of the vehicle.
He gets around to the front passenger corner of the van and notices a person brushing themselves off and pushing away from the van. They’re just barely illuminated by the street and headlights, still shrouded by the darkness of being just the wrong side of midnight.
“Holy shit, I’m so sorry!” Alex rushes out as soon as he notices them.
“It’s all good, man. Not your fault. I wasn’t watching where I was going.”
Alex reaches them just as they remove their helmet, flipping their hair up and over their head as they do. As soon as Alex realizes who it is, his mouth goes dry and he loses all coherent thought.
He’s startled back to reality by the sound of car doors slamming.
“You hit Willie?!” Reggie cries, “Dude!”
Alex is sent reeling for a second time.
He hit his crush.
Who has a name.
That Reggie knows.
“How did you-? Wha-?” Alex stammers as he looks between his friends and Willie, who hasn’t stopped grinning for the duration of Alex’s crisis.
Alex shakes his head, trying to clear his head but with limited success. He redirects his attention to Willie. “Are you okay?” he asks simply.
Willie nods, “Yep, totally fine! I’ve been through worse.”
“That’s not… Okay,” Alex runs his hand through his hair. He can feel his pulse quicken and he reaches out for the van, realizing that he needs some support to remain standing. Alex feels Luke immediately shift into crisis mode beside him. They’ve been through this enough times by now that the signs of oncoming panic are clear to his friends.
Luke guides him so that he’s half sitting on the front bumper. He starts to coach Alex through some deep breathing and grounding practices to stave off the impending panic attack. It only takes a few minutes for his breathing to stabilize and he’s able to tune back into what’s happening around then.
When Alex looks up, he notices Willie’s concerned expression and that Reggie is now holding a skateboard. He must have gone hunting for it while Luke and Alex were otherwise occupied.
Luke rubs a few more circles onto Alex’s back before standing to join the others.
“You good, bro?” Willie asks.
Alex nods. He wipes his hands on thighs and stands, “Yeah. I’m good. This is weird. I’m so, so-”
He’s cut off before he can apologize. “Dude, seriously. This was my fault. I literally skated into the side of your van.”
Alex directs a skeptical look Willie’s way so he continues, “Honest, it wasn’t even possible for you to have hit me. I’m the one who should be apologizing.”
Alex stares at Willie in with combined disbelief and awe for another moment before Willie’s voice interrupts his thoughts, “I’m Willie, by the way.” Alex looks down to see Willie’s hand extended in greeting.
Alex reaches out to shake it. “I’m-,” he starts before he’s interrupted.
“Alex, I know.”
Alex’s brain threatens to shut down yet again, “You… you know?”
“Well, yeah. You’re the drummer of one of the hottest acts in town. Of course I know who you are!”
“I told you!” Luke cries as he elbows Reggie in the ribs. Reggie grunts at the unexpected contact. Alex barely registers their activity as he continues to process everything from the last… Five minutes? Night? Day? Week? How long have they been in each other's orbits for?
“Hey, Alex,” Luke calls, “you with us?”
Alex turns to glare at Luke though he has to admit (privately) that Luke has once again succeeded in getting him out of his head.
When he turns back to Willie, he finds he’s again met with that grin. An all-too-knowing grin.
“Reggie owes me pizza, wanna join us?” Luke directs to Willie. Alex starts at the unexpected invitation but doesn’t have time to dwell on it before-
“I do not!” Reggie exclaims petulantly.
“You do!” Luke insists, waving his arm toward Alex and Willie.
Alex turns to look at Willie, aghast with both the realization of what Luke is talking about and the implication that Willie is expected to engage with their chaos. “You don’t have to! I’m so sorry about them,” he says before turning back to Luke, “Are you serious right now?”
Luke crosses his arms across his chest and returns a smug grin, “TECHNICALLY, I win.”
“That is SO not what I meant,” Reggie mumbles.
WIllie looks between the three boys with confusion, “Win what?”
Before either Luke or Reggie have the chance to consider responding, Alex is between them with a hand covering each of their mouths. “Nothing. Nothing at all. Don’t worry about it.”
He feels them both lick his palms simultaneously and pulls his hands away from them. “You’re both disgusting,” he says, wiping his hands on his pants.
Willie muffles a laugh at their antics. He quickly composes himself before interjecting, “Luke said something about pizza?”
Alex turns wide eyes on Willie, “You want to come for pizza? With us?”
Willie shrugs, “Yeah, sure. Except it’s my treat. You know… for the damage.” He smiles at Alex again and Alex is sure that his brain has completely left the premises.
“Emotional damage,” Luke whispers teasingly, barely audible but loud enough for Alex to hear. He directs another glare Luke’s way. Luke’s only response is a shit-eating grin.
“YES!” Reggie whoops as he climbs back into the van. Luke very quickly clambers in after him. When Alex sends Luke a confused look, Luke simply nods toward Willie in silent suggestion.
Alex lets out a soft sigh. He redirects his attention to Willie, “Do you want a ride? We know a place that’s still open and is cheap enough that Reggie can’t eat you out of house and home.” He raises his voice toward the end of his sentence to ensure that Reggie can hear him and, hopefully, take the hint.
He does. “What do you think I am?” Reggie calls back, “Some kind of animal?”
“You said it, not me,” Alex mutters under his breath and Willie coughs out a laugh. Alex smiles at Willie before gesturing toward the van, “Your chariot?” he offers.
“My Prince Charming,” Willie says with a grin as he climbs into the van. Alex stumbles over himself in surprise as he walks around to the driver’s side. He takes a deep breath and a quick moment to calm himself before opening the door and climbing in.
Alex buckles up his seatbelt. He turns to ensure Willie and the guys had done the same before shifting into drive. After another shoulder check, he completes the turn he had started before hitting… being hit by…? colliding with Willie.
There’s a moment of awkward silence as the four of them settle into each others’ company. It of course doesn’t last long.
“So Willie, what’s your favourite Sunset Curve song?” Luke asks as he pulls himself up between the two front seats.
Alex groans, “Really, dude? Seatbelt!”
“Hey! My seatbelt’s on!” Luke insists as he tugs on the shoulder strap that crosses his chest for evidence.
Alex rolls his eyes, “It doesn’t count when you stretch it out like that.”
Willie can’t help but laugh at their bickering as he turns to Luke to answer.
He’s interrupted by Alex, “You really don’t have to answer him.”
Willie smiles at Alex, “It’s alright! I love your music. I think ‘Now or Never’ is my fave though.”
“Yeah? Why’s that?” Luke encourages Willie to explain further.
“Luke! Seriously, not everyone is as deep into music as you are. Sometimes people just like what they like!” Alex chastises Luke again.
“It’s chill, Hotdog. I don’t mind.”
Alex sputters at the unexpected nickname. Reggie chimes in from the back, as if pulling the thought directly from Alex’s brain, “Hotdog?!”
Alex can FEEL Willie’s grin from beside him. He finds his ability to focus on the road slipping away with each passing moment.
“Yeah, from that time y’all got so sick from street dogs?”
Alex groans again, “You mean when we almost died?!”
Luke reappears between them, “Do we get nicknames too?”
“Mmm,” Willie hums, “sorry, that’s a privilege reserved only for my favourites.”
Alex again feels his brain completely vacate the premises and yet somehow he can see the grin growing on Luke’s face without even looking at him.
Alex autopilots into the parking lot for the pizza place they love. He pointedly avoids looking at anyone as they climb out of the van and into the restaurant.
“Order for me!” Alex calls back to Luke and Reggie as he beelines to the restroom in the back of the building.
He locks the door behind him and leans up against it, trying to swallow air into his lungs. This has all been just… too much.
Alex finally manages to slow his racing thoughts enough to push off of the door. He takes the three steps required to stand in front of the sink. He grips the edges of it and stares at himself in the mirror, unseeing. This can’t possibly be reality right now, can it? Willie is absolutely flirting with him, right? But… not directly. Through his friends. He’s not dreaming or in some alternate reality?
He splashes water on his face to try to reset so that he can go back out there and face whatever is coming next. This is good. It’s a lot. But it’s good. Willie has not only taken notice of him, but actually seems to like him? Enough to know his name and feel comfortable teasing him, anyway. Enough to explicitly tell Luke and Reggie that Alex is his favourite. Alex is never anyone’s favourite. Okay, no, he’s not going there right now. He can do this.
He lightly smacks his cheeks to refocus.
Alex nods to himself in the mirror, satisfied with his internal pep talk. He pulls a handful of paper towels from the dispenser and dries his hands and face. He takes one last deep breath before opening the door and heading out into the restaurant.
As Alex walks up to the booth the others had claimed, he overhears Luke and Willie continuing their conversation from the van.
“That searching for tomorrow line,” Willie says and Alex can see Luke’s grin grow from over Willie’s head. Luke and Reggie are on one side of the booth, facing the back of the restaurant, and Willie is on the other side, back to Alex.
“Ohhh, that’s Alex’s!”
“I know,” Willie replies cheekily before leaning conspiratorially over the table toward Luke, “you’ve got a hot drummer.”
Alex makes a choking sound, attracting the attention of all three guys. Willie turns, resting his forearm on the back of the booth bench, Luke’s eyes widen slightly but the grin remains, Reggie lifts his eyes from where he’d been focused on taking a bite of pizza and waves at Alex with his free hand.
“Yeah, we do!” Reggie agrees enthusiastically. He takes a bite of pizza and speaks around it, “We’ve been trying to get that through his thick skull for ages.”
Willie tracks his gaze over Alex’s body. Alex can feel the flush move up his face and to the tips of his ears.
“Cute when he blushes too,” Willie winks at Alex before turning around, sliding over to make room for him at the table.
a small snippet from something I will hopefully be able to post tomorrow
Opposite him, a man clears his throat. “Working on anything new, Trevor?”
Her dad shrugs, nonchalant. “Not actively, but that’s never been how I work. I mostly just let it come to me when it comes. When inspiration strikes. Take it while it’s hot.”
Everyone nods in understanding, marveling at the power of Trevor Wilson. His early work is his most inspired. It’s the stuff they think of when they think the name Trevor Wilson.
Carrie’s hands grip the balcony. His words are infuriating. An act, she wants to scream, it’s an act! Because she knows. His secret, that is. It’s his, not hers. The act she’s crafted is an act that's hers. She’s worked for all of it. Used it to try to live up to the expectations. Only to find out that… that yeah, he let it all come to him when it did. And the act was an act and the act was someone else.
If he’s working from a stolen persona, stolen art, stolen everything… then how was Carrie ever meant to measure up at all?
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