I can do this.

Mid-twenties with good intentions. Trying to make it through life. This is my emotional outlet ♥ ♥ ♥

[cwote]

Don’t forget that you are human. It’s okay to have a meltdown, just don’t unpack and live there. Cry it out and then refocus on where you’re headed.

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

Tips for Getting What you Want out of Life

1. You need to begin by thinking about what you want your life to look like. It’s important to be concrete and specific here – not general and vague. Then, use that information to set clear goals for yourself.

2. Be confident and believe in yourself. There’s no reason why you shouldn’t have what other people have, or should be that individual you’d really like to be. If you’re willing to work hard, and to pay the price required, then you can have what you want and find the right niche for you.

3. Keep your focus on your goal – don’t get sidetracked from your dream. You’ll have to keep on going and to push through trying times. The prize is worth the effort; you’ll be glad you persevered.

4. Don’t give into temptation to go for lesser goals, or to do something attractive that won’t lead anywhere. Don’t pretend that you’ll be happy if you give up on your dream. You’ll wish that you’d be stronger and looked at the “long-term”.

5. If you slip up – just get over it – and move on with your plan. It doesn’t mean it’s over. you can get on track again. The goal is too important to waste time on regrets. Your focus is the future, and what will take you there.

6. Recognise your weaknesses – then plan to manage them. That way you’ll have some strategies to help you deal with them.

7. Finish what you start, and don’t leave any ends untied. You have to be committed, and thorough, to achieve. Being lazy or half-hearted will hamper your success.

[poemswords]

[poemswords]

[love-forever-strong]

Dec 19 2022

Hi, I’m back. tumblr was my outlet for years of university, relationships, and finding a full time job. Life was good for a couple years, and I am grateful for where I am now. But recently, I’ve had to deal with a lot of loss. Loss of my loved ones, loss of my life as I know it, loss of my 20s, loss of my career at my old company due to the sale of it. You would think I’d broken down by now but honestly the loss of my loved ones overshadows it all. I cannot replace my family but I can replace my job so I shouldn’t mourn that right? Well, at least I don’t have the capacity to mourn that as well.

I forgot how painful it is to be rejected from job applications. What a specific type of hell that is. It stings, it takes a hit in my self esteem, it makes me want to hide away and cry.

So yes, my life is a mess right now and I am actively trying to be strong through it all. I’ve gone through a lot of struggles (you probably can tell by reading my tumblr).... so I’m back at it again, I’m hoping writing about it will be an outlet for myself to try to express my emotions. I’m struggling but I’m also trying to shove that all in a tiny little box because I can’t handle it right now.

[ailurusfulgens-positive]

Every step matters

[create-a-positive-mind]

Even surviving for one day is a step forward. 

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

At the end of the day you can endure much more than you think you can.

Unknown (via onlinecounsellingcollege)

[love-forever-strong]

June 12, 2020

I haven’t posted on here in almost half a year... and man, has the past 5 months really changed my life. There are stuff that are still outstanding and haven’t changed...and have been really testing my patience (designation process... what the actual fuck is taking so long), and with COVID-19, I was in an extremely dark space for the better part of 2 months. My relationship with M has been... at a standstill. Or to be frank, it has probably receded. For all the steps we took forward, I feel like with the quarantine and social distancing, we have taken many unintentional steps back. I have never felt so distant from him. I think that is the main reason I’ve been so sad the past months, but he doesn’t see it. He thinks I’m being dramatic and unable to adapt to the situation.

For the first time in my life, I actually am seriously considering going to talk to a therapist. I sleep at horrible hours; at like 5am... and take afternoon naps. I’ve reduced to eating 1 large meal a day. I don’t care about stuff I used to (exercising, shopping, reading). I know it’s wrong of me to put the blame on M, but he was one of the main triggers.

All I know right now is my future is so uncertain and I’m devastated that my life has taken this direction. Some days, I have good days where I am upbeat and have more interest in things. Some days, I am so sad I can barely find the energy to get out of bed. I think in April, I literally cried every day.

But I am making the steps to recovery. I am doing the first steps - like admitting I need help. Admitting what went wrong. Admitting that I am far from okay. Baby steps, right?

[love-forever-strong]

January 31, 2020

The nerves are real. I freaking made it. I’m so excited, so happy, so proud of what I’ve accomplished.

Before the ceremony, I’m sitting here, so grateful for all the love and support I’ve received. I’m glad I blogged my feelings last year; because it reminds me of those struggles; and now it all paid off.

[love-forever-strong]

January 7, 2020

Words can’t describe the feelings of the high I felt this morning. I PASSED. I did it. 2.5 years later, I can call myself a professional. I can’t even put my thoughts into words.

[love-forever-strong]

T-6 hours

I’m freaking terrified out of my mind. I’ve never felt stress like this before, it’s completely unfamiliar and unwelcome. I don’t know how to cope with finding out the results of something that I have stressed over, and worked hard for, for over 2 years. At this point, I’m numb. Is it too good to be true that I passed and am free?!? Or is this going to be one of the biggest challenges I have faced thus far, in being able to pick myself back up, and try again? There are so many thoughts in my mind right now, and I just want to curl up and cry due to my own helplessness.

This is going to be my last post before I find out. And I’m so fucking not ready. I have held myself back from even dreaming about what I would do if I passed, since I don’t want to get my hopes up. I have made internal plans in my mind about what I’m going to do if I failed, who I’m going to talk to, what I need to do next. I feel like I put my life on hold for this exam, for my career, and I just want to move on with my life. I am too superstitious to put away my study materials, and I am unable to plan my next vacation because I just don’t know what the results will hold.

But you know what? I can do this. I CAN get through whatever tomorrow throws at me; I am stronger this. This does not define me. I need to repeat that in my head.

It’s gonna be a miracle if I can get any sleep tonight.

[quote-diaries]

Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.

Dalai Lama (via quote-diaries)

[love-forever-strong]

January 5 2020

I am sick to my stomach thinking of the upcoming results. I don’t know how to deal with academic failure of this magnitude. Why am I so hard on myself? If I fail, just rewrite in half a year.... I think deep down, I am just scared of what it will make the people who helped me so much (my parents, team, M) think. I just don’t want to let them down. I don’t want to let myself down. I worked so freaking hard for this, and I just know it’s going to be so painful if I fail. But you know what? I need to stop being so negative, and know that if I do fail, it’s NOT the end of the world, it’s just another stepping stone towards my goals.

[cwote]

[inspiration-and-motivation]

[books-n-quotes]

Sometimes the worst thing that happens to you, the thing you think you can’t survive…it’s the thing that makes you better than you used to be.

Jennifer Weiner, Fly Away Home (via books-n-quotes)

[love-forever-strong]

January 2, 2020

Happy New Year!

I am trying to eat as much as I can today and tomorrow because I can feel the anxiety growing as results are released in less than a week.

I’ve had nightmares about this for about a month now; I specifically remember multiple dreams where I dreamt that I had passed - was elated and over the moon - woke up - realized that results were still pending - heart dropped.

I’m haunted over this. I’m exhausted about putting my life on hold for this exam and I’m unprepared for the devastation I would feel if I failed. I need to spend some time helping myself prepare for this day - mentally, emotionally, physically.

I have luckily not faced much failure in regards to school the past 6 years; however I need to remind myself that if I have not struggled so hard in the beginning years of university, I would not be where I am now. I might not even have found a job if my path was different.

What I want to remind myself is: things happen for a reason. It is not the end of the world if I fail. 30% of people fail this exam every time. If I’m not in the majority.... I will just try again in May. Fucking strength through adversity right?