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Goodbye

I want to leave this blog, for a month or maybe forever. I want to leave and get back until I can write better than this but I’m not sure that it will happen. (more…)

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Suicidal Mind vol. 15

Suicidal Mind vol. 15 Today, I'll be alone for the whole day and my plan was to drink today but I changed my mind and I want to do something else like, workout exercise? #SuicidalMindvolumes #suicidalmind #suicide #thoughts #workout #exercise #workoutapp #workoutexerciseapp #writing #thursdaycurrently #mentalhealth #chaos #pain #hope #privacy #suicidetendency #suicidesupport #suicidehelp #suicideprevention #suicidetips #bipolar #socialanxiety #anxiety #ptsd #mind #words #life #suicidalway

I woke up at 4 am and I don’t know why then I sleep again for only a few minutes? I turned on my wifi and I am very disappointed with my brother because he used my internet data too much and asking now to use it again?? I said no, of course. I’ll need it more than him. He will only use it for online game. (more…)

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Suicidal Mind vol. 14

Suicidal Mind vol. 14 "There's no greater love than a mother's love." I will always believe in that. #Suicidamindvolumes #suicidalmind #suicidal #suicide #suicideprevention #suicidetendency #suicidesupport #depression #pain #anxiety #socialanxiety #bipolar #ptsd #motherslove #chaos #family #love #greaterlove #mother #relationship #music #avalon #gospel

“There’s no greater love than a mother’s love.” I will always believe in that. Even though there are times, actually always, she can’t understand me emotionally and mentally, she’s always there for me. And although, she can only understand my physical pain and not my emotional and mental problems, though it’s hard that she can’t understand, it always be okay. I will always choose her to be my…

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Suicidal Mind vol. 13

Suicidal Mind vol. 13 How I wish they know that I tried to poisoned myself, that I drink a lot when I'm so depressed because of them, that I tried to cut, that a lot of times I think about death and my death. That there are chaos inside of my head when I'm hurt, when I'm failed, when I'm broken, when I'm lonely, when I'm hopeless. I guess, those things will bury with me. #SuicidalMindVolumes #MondayCurrently #depression #suicidethoughts #suicide #socialanxiety #bipolar #ptsd

What depressing me every single day to live is to be with and live with lazy, and insensitive people. This is truly hard for me because I feel everything and they act like nothing is happening, that there is no problem. No matter how much I try to tell them, they still don’t understand. (more…)

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Suicidal Mind Vol. 12

Suicidal Mind Vol. 12 #suicidalmindvolumes #suicidalmind #suicidethoughts #depression #socialanxiety #bipolar #ptsd #pain #sundaycurrently #thoughts #chaos #writing #hobby #writersblock #struggle

Writing, was my first hobby. I write on any piece of paper. I write with simple pen but when I learned how to earn money, as a kid, I write with beautiful and colorful pen and sometimes I use sign pen. I really loved and enjoyed writing. I write to what I cannot express to people, I write what I cannot say to my family and to others. And most importantly, I write to God. (more…)

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Suicidal Mind Vol. 11

Suicidal Mind Vol. 11

  Suicidal mind volumes continues… For me, pain is like poison. I enjoy it while it slowly flowing through my veins. When you’re dying, you’ll think about every single thing that happened to you, every one that is closest to your heart. So, when I feel it, it’s so painful but often I wanna use it for a purpose. Suicidal mind will never ends. I grew up with this mind. So, I guess, I was born to…

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Suicidal Mind Vol. 10

Suicidal Mind Vol. 10 I wanna ask myself a question, 'When will I decide?'. A question that my answer will always be, 'I don't know'. #SuicidalMind #Depression #Pain #Loneliness #Emptiness #Hopelesness #Failures

I’m alone here today, April 13, 2018, Friday morning and I still feel my failures, my emptiness and loneliness. I wanna ask myself a question, ‘When will I decide?’. A question that my answer will always be, ‘I don’t know’. What a crazy mind I have. (more…)

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Suicidal Mind Vol. 9

Suicidal Mind Vol. 9 #MentalHealth #SuicidalMind #Depression #Death #Suicide #Failure #Alone #Sewing #SewingMachine #Pain

My day today is full of pain. I cancelled my plan to buy a sewing machine because of my mother’s other plan. Plan to depend on my sister to give us money to buy it. My plan was to buy even a portable sewing machine to sew underwear for personal use but she don’t support me on my plan. She will support me if I will buy a sewing machine for business. I felt like she have a very low dream for me.…

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Suicidal Mind Vol. 8

Suicidal Mind Vol. 8 #Uplifting #Motivation #Encourage #Thoughts #Words #Mind #Inspirational #Suicidal #Depression #Anxiety #Bipolar #Death #Pain #Feelings #YouAreNotAlone #Jesus #Purpose #Peace #Knowledge #Wisdom #AdobeSparkPost #Phonto #Writing #Blogging #Chaos #Loneliness #Emptiness #Hope #Dreams #Prayers #MentalHealth #Share

Deleted thousand of old and new files on my phone. I kept them because I needed them to feed my mind to survive every single day. In the end, I have regret because I wasted my time and missed a lot of chances. But life will offer more opportunities as long as I’m alive. (more…)

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Suicidal Mind Vol. 7

Suicidal Mind Vol. 7 I love to write about these crazy things and crazy feelings. Though it's pointless and have to trash it all in the end #suiidalmind #pain #depression #anxiety #death #blog #thoughts #fragileheart #fool #sinfulnature

How I wished dying is easy, so anyone can do it and have the courage to do it. Not as an escape but as a choice. The more I feel of wanting and needing to die the more I believe that God have let all the people died in suicide to die in their own hands. Because of their choice, their decision. It’s just a bonus if he use someone to stop you. I used to think many things about death, about my…

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Suicidal Mind Vol. 6

Suicidal Mind Vol. 6 #SuicidalMind #depression #anxiety #pain #bipolar #thoughts #mentalhealth #personal #alcohol #tears #hopelesness #loneliness

Today, I have an obligation to do for our business but I want to do it with a numb feeling and only alcohol can give me that. (more…)

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My Tuesday Currently 05

My Tuesday Currently 05 #TuesdayCurrently #GoodFailure #MotherAndI

  Buying Ice candy ingredients and alcoholic drink and snacks (more…)

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Suicidal Mind Vol. 5 #suicidalmind #thoughts #depression #anxiety #pain #death #god #jesuschrist #dreams #illusions It's been a week of being depressed about my life. There was three nights that I was scared to sleep and lose my breath but there's this one night that I was so empty and didn't care if I lose my breath.

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Someone... After a few days of facing my depression I stopped messaging him to close the door that I opened for him. I closed that door because I will waste his time and his effort to lift me up and to care for me. But honestly, I need someone like him in my life but I always close my door because I don't deserve to have someone. #someone #father #deathanniversary #bestfriend #uplifter #motivator #preacher #nigerian #nigeria #hopeless #empty #lonely #depression #suicide #anxiety #thoughts #pain #numb Night of the first death anniversary of my father, I felt so empty, lonely, hopeless and numb.

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My Sunday Currently 12 #SundayCurrently #BellaPadilla #JerichoRosales #Kapamilya #AbsCbnTvPlus #LuckAtFirstSight #Movie #Emptiness #Loneliness #Hopelesness #LowSelfEsteem #LowSelfConfidence Making Ice Candy Melon Flavor. We spent 122 pesos. I made 138 pcs and we sell it for 2 pesos each and our profit is 148 pesos.

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Death Calls

Death Calls #DeathCalls #MentalHealth #Uplifting #Blogging #Suicide #Depression #Failure #Purpose #Thoughts #God

Death called three times, from march 12-14. Three nights I had a hard time to sleep, to close my eyes. I felt in my body that I’m really gonna die. I felt like once I close my eyes, my breathing will stop. It made me pray over and over again. I asked God extend my years of life because there’s so many things I wanna do but before that there’s only one thing I want to have to unmask my inner self.…

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It’s Enough *March 6, 2018 Tuesday 9:07 am (Ph Time)* My heart is aching again. Before it happened, I have decided what to do with the money I have.