Straight women should unionize
What the actual FUCK
This right here is a HUGE red fucking flag. If you’re in a relationship with someone who wants complete control over finances, especially to the point where you don’t even have access to money, this is an attempt to control and isolate. They will use ALL sorts of excuses. “I’m better with money” “You spend too much” “You’re too impulsive” etc. It has nothing to do with looking out for you or money. It’s straight up abuse and will likely lead to worse.
Also, women need to be independent in every way they can. And they also need to know what’s going on with their finances, even if their husband makes all the decisions or whatever bs goes on. Because (true story), one day that husband could die and you’ll find out that you’re in a crazy amount of debt that you never knew about because he didn’t tell you shit and that gets to be a lovely surprise after the funeral.
Women should ABSOLUTELY be independent and you should ABSOLUTELY keep your banking separate.
HOWEVER!
If you are in that circumstance?
Grocery shopping and gas stations and big box stores are your BEST friend. I know we’re in a pandemic but put on an N-95 and go. Use your debit card every time and take out 20-40 dollars each time you shop for these sorts of things because that doesn’t read as a withdrawal. It counts as part of the shopping. Women have been doing this for GENERATIONS now. My mother did it when my father was financially abusing her and she taught me and now? I pas this on to you.
Take your 20-40 dollars a trip and put the cash somewhere he won’t look.
Where won’t he look? With a friend who he doesn’t want to know. In the yard he expects you to care for. In the laundry he won’t do. In the kids room where he doesn’t go because that is your job. In the dog food he expects you to refill.
Or.
In you can take that money and put it a fucking bank he doesn’t use. Under your name and your name ONLY. Because when you leave him - which on average will take 7 attempts because thats how many times it takes to leave an abuser - you will need all the money you can squirrel away. Depending on how often a woman runs absolutely necessary errands and how much money a family makes, she can squirrel away 1K+ in a year this way which may not seem like much but it’s enough for a softer landing than ZERO especially if she’s not working.
Take care of yourself ladies.
It does appear as a withdrawal on bank statement when I do this^
good to know. it doesnt necessarily when i do it! so check your bank!
the fucking panopitcon is upon us.
That said?An alternative?
Buy more than you actually need of dry goods. Keep your receipts. Get a cash return. Keep the difference. It’s more complicated - yes, but if this is about getting out? It might be worth it to you.
Also keep in mind it could happen in a non m/f relationship and to men and nb ppl as well so whoever you are you need to know this info and be carefull
^^^^^^^!!!!!!!!
finantial independence is IMPORTANT. Remember that women fought for it FOR YEARS.
If you are young and moving in with someone for the first time. 1. Have your own bank account that your own paycheck goes into. 2. Get a joint account that all household bills are paid from. (That way you both can see what has/hasn’t been paid) 3. Draw up a budget of what you expect monthly bills to be and divide it by your pay periods. Transfer that amount into the joint account. 4. The rest is yours. 5. If your future partner makes more than you, factor this into how much they pay/you pay - and make sure they know that this doesn’t mean they have more say in the household. It just means you’re contributing based off your total earnings. 6. If they refuse the joint account and/or if they refuse to agree to acknowledge that paying a larger % of the bills doesn’t mean they have final say - then DO NOT MOVE IN. A partner who wants financial control is a giant red flag no matter what the gender of the relationship.
