.☆《POV: Talking after a nightmare》☆.
[ Xavier × Non-MC Reader ]
Warning: A bit of existential dread, mentions of death
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He was there.
Unmoving.
There were no comprehensible words you could have formed to alleviate the chasm that had opened in your soul. Instead, a wordless, suffocating ache crushed all of the air out of your lungs. Fixated, there's no where else you can point your eyes. You just sink into the terrible stillness--the stiffness that had set into his body. Every single inch of you is ripped and torn beyond repair. Before a single tear, you knew that a part of you had just died.
Your despair cannot be buried.
Finally, you force your body to move forward. It's heavy, but you can't stop now. He can't lay there alone. He can't be gone yet. He'd never leave you alone. He can't...
The searing pain in your heart continues to burn, and something you hadn’t even realized was there was crumbling away into ash.
Holding his cheek, the coldness of his skin does nothing but scald you.
"Xavier...?"
This has to be a bad dream.
You need to wake up.
Please wake up.
Suddenly, your head is rising quickly from a pillow.
Gasping, it takes a moment for your heart to regain a barely decent pace. You stare into the darkness of your room, the grim scenery from your sleep replaying cruelly in your mind. The despair remains heavy in your heart, and slowly you start to feel the sweat from your back drench the softness of your pajamas.
It's just a dream.
Nothing has happened.
Grasping that small bit of hope, you finally manage to reason with yourself to loosen up. The tension is hard to relieve, however. A chill starts to settle in despite the fact that you're wrapped in a blanket. Your fingers and toes are cold. For a split second, you remember the terrible sensation of his frozen cheek on your palm.
You need to stop thinking about it.
He's fine.
Everything is fine.
Creeeeak
Err... what was that?
Suddenly, all of the nerves that previously wouldn't die down start alerting you that something's wrong. It makes your hair stand on end a bit. Is it just your imagination? But no... it's not going to go away at this point.
With a tired sigh, you step out of bed.
Maybe walking around a bit will unravel all of these terrible sensations bundled up inside of you.
You slide your feet into the soft slippers you manage to recall in the dark. Slowly, you walk to the door to find the light switch. Well, that was the plan, but a crash on the balcony makes you jump.
Oh, there's definitely someone there.
You look around for your phone, but you must have misplaced it before you fell asleep. You can't find it right now.
Furrowing your brows, you feel around in the dark. Your fingers search for a weapon. Luckily, you manage to grasp onto something heavy on your nearby shelf. Feeling around silently, you guess that it's the ridiculously bulky flashlight you borrowed from Xavier the last time you went stargazing together. You completely forgot to return it.
Well it's going to good use right now then.
You can hear slight shuffling noises on the balcony. Earlier, the person out there must have ran into one of your potted plants. Recently you went to a botannical garden with some friends on your day off. Who knew the houseplants you brought home also functioned as a security system?
They picked the wrong house to trespass. Xavier taught you a few self defense manuvers a while ago, and they're still pretty fresh in your mind. There's no way you're going down without a fight.
Slowly, you try to walk to the side of the glass sliding door of the balcony. Part of it is blocked by a curtain, so you try to get there. Whoever it is, if they come in, you're going to land the first surprise attack.
Moments pass.
Nothing happens.
Then, you can hear the creak of metal again. The sound of shoes against the balcony bars instantly send you into panic. Are they trying to climb? But the apartment above yours... it's Xavier's.
Flashes of your dream go by.
The cold, terrible feeling from his face and the hole in your soul appear, but this time, determination fills your heart with some fire. Not today.
You throw open the door to the balcony with a fierce bang. A pair of legs can slightly be made out in the dark about to climb upwards. You switch on the flashlight to gauge your options quickly... only to find the boots on those legs oddly familiar.
You blink.
"Xavier, what the hell are you doing?"
Identified, he leaps back onto your balcony. Sheepishly, he turns around with a hand on the back of his neck.
"I got on the wrong balcony today..." He admits with a tinge of embarrassment.
Why can't he just return home from a mission through the front door like a normal person? On second thought, does he even qualify as normal? Usually he does use the door though. Sometimes. Occasionally. Okay, maybe since you both have struck up a good relationship, the balcony had become a bit of a second door to you both. There wasn't any need to go up and down any stairs that way.
"Oh really?" You raise a brow. You cross your arms and it totally points the flashlight in the wrong direction, but it doesn't matter because you can see him clear as day all of a sudden. "How do I know you're not a serial plant killer..?"
You both look to the sadly cracked pot overturned on the ground. The bunny cactus that you had spent an hour picking out had lost an ear and was pitifully squashed under a bunch of dirt and pot shards. Xavier quietly slides in front of his mess as if to erase it's existence.
You sigh. Honestly, you're a bit ashamed at youself because you didn't think about the intruder being Xavier even once and got worked up enough to plan an ambush.
He turns around, eyes totally evading yours.
Why does he look so much like a toddler who has spilled food?
He tries to say something else, but before anything comes out, you release the world's largest fit of laughter.
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"Why didn't you just knock on the glass?" You set down a cup of tea in front of him. "Wait. No. Why didn't you just go to the front door?"
"I wasn't intending to wake you up," he slides the tea a little closer. "I was just dropping by to see if you were awake."
"My lights were all off," you settle into the seat across from him.
"You like to read online in the dark while in bed," he gives you a small knowing smile.
"Then you could have messaged me."
He pauses because yeah, that's a solid argument. To be honest, you're glad he's here now. Everything feels less suffocating. Seeing him talking. Shifting in his seat. Drinking the tea. He's here.
Alive.
"I had a feeling to come see you," he looks down at the cup in his hands.
"What are you? A stalker?" You chuckle. "I wouldn't have expected that out of you, Mr. Number-One-Hunter."
At that, he playfully rests his head on a hand. His eyes glow a little in the kitchen lighting. He never fails to enchant you a little with his small shifts in expression. It's now that you notice how messy his hair is. He's got a bit of dirt all over too. Today must have been a busy day. Even so, he's looking so happily content, though tired.
"It seems I woke you up," he smiles, not addressing the allegations. "Perhaps I can help you rest..?"
He's not shy or embarassed about it at all at this point--just honest and sincere. You can tell by the look in his eyes that he had genuinely wanted to see you. It's super precious. Adorable really. He doesn't say things like that a lot.
"Oh no, I woke up a while ago anyways..." You say, voice a little shaky.
You quietly stare at the wood grain on the table in front of you. Something warm quietly fills your chest. All of the anxiety unravels and dissipates, and instead, a sudden rush of waterworks begins to blur your sight.
There's a moment of silence, and you know it's because he's adjusting to your shift in emotions. The sound of a chair squeaking and calm feet are next. Xavier settles in to the chair next to you, enveloping you in warm arms.
"I'm here. It's going to be okay."
"It's nothing," you whisper into his chest. You look at him. "Xavier... Er, this is a dumb question, but what should I do if you disappear?"
"I'm with you now," he rubs your back gently.
"...but what if I can't see you tommorrow?"
He's quiet. Contemplating. Even while doing so, he's wiping your tears and gently tending to your (embarassingly gross) snot. You start to realize that his shirt won't be salvagable if you don't calm down, so you try to breathe a little.
"What is this about?" Xavier carefully asks.
If it was any other person, that would be one heck of a question to ask at the moment, but from Xavier, it's not at all harsh or indifferent. It was soft and patient. Somehow he had already sensed that something deeper was bothering you. You slightly manage to lift the corners of your lips at that. How does he do that?
"Are you a magician?"
"I can be," he waves his hand a little in the air.
Tiny little blobs of light dance in the air. His Evol always manages to glow, even in the daylight and in the kitchen lighting right now. They blobs jump over each other and spin around. They play tag for a little, and then they begin to dance like little fireflies.
He keeps an arm around you.
You both watch the lights quietly.
Eventually, you finally feel calm. You realize again that you never answered his question. Xavier doesn't really seem pressed to know however. He's still waiting. Quietly. Knowingly.
"I... I dreamed you were gone," you try to explain. "A-And there wasn't anything I could do and you were just cold and then--"
He looks at you fixatedly, fully taking in your words and letting them sink in. His blue eyes gently flicker from his Evol. Xavier slightly rubs your arms in a soothing motion.
"--I just, don't know what I'd do if you were gone," you look up at him, heart being pulled and pinched inside.
Carefully, he scoots closer. He puts a hand on your cheek, looking into your eyes softly. You can see he's starting to understand what you've been processing. The glowing blobs from his Evol sparkle around you both like the stars. You take in every hair on his head and the angles of his face.
Thank goodness.
Every one of his features are full of life adn well. He's warm. Blinking.
"I'm not going anywhere," he says.
"But everyone one day disappears..." You quietly hold onto him, feeling defeated.
"We'll find each other again," Xavier whispers. "I'll be there."
"Really?" You ask, looking away. Your eyes begin to burn a little. "But what if I can't find you?"
"Then I'll find you," he says firmly with a sense of certainty you hadn’t expected. "Even if you can't see me, I'll make my way to you."
He waves his hand, the blobs from his Evol condensing into a bright sphere spinning around like a lighthouse.
Breathing in, it's as if his warm light dissolves any worries from your soul in the moment. You rest your head against his chest. His heart beats strongly. You can't say ir, but without him, you're afraid. You'd be alone... and the large space Xavier had started to fill in your heart would be empty.
"I always want to be with you," you quietly admit. "Is that... okay?"
The golden sphere spins around and then splits into a bunch of cute bunnies bounding all around and jumping on your shoulder. You giggle. Xavier waves his fingers and the blobs fade away. He rests his hand slowly moves up to brush your hair out of your face.
"I'll be right here." He leans in, just a breath away. "Does this mean you don't want anyone else..?"
Your heart races as he doesn't let you escape his gaze.
You slowly nod.
As if he'd been waiting for that response all along, he moves forward, holding you tight as his lips lock onto yours. You quietly gasp, surprise being overtaken by relief, and then building warmth as you wrap your arms around his neck. The world may spin and dawn might be starting to break as you both remain tangled up with each other, but that's perfectly fine for now.
Forgotten, the broken pot of the bunny ear cactus is still waiting to be repotted on the balcony. It'll re-root itself if you give it some help. You'll make sure Xavier helps you out in the morning.
You hug him tightly.
You're not sure if you believe in different lifetimes, but one thing is for sure: regardless of when things end, you'll be there for Xavier in every moment and you won't leave him alone.
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A/N: This was really random, lol. I don't know why he needed to come in from the balcony. Anyways, some days I dream that people I love disappear. It makes me want to cherish the time we have together even more. I thought about how Xavier would take hearing about something like that. I'm not sure if this is even accurate to who he is, but in my lens, I'd adore my lover until the ends of the universe and I have a feeling he would too.
