Keeping up with the break - Day 92
Three months have passed, and this last month have been a mess because we both made it like that. Between my stubbornness and your lack of communication and our rule, everything became confusing for us. We both want to go back, but at the same time, we are afraid of screwing everything up: me with my need for talking to you everyday and every hour, and you with anything that, according to what you said, could make me upset or make me tell you that you haven't changed anything (something that, I insist, is impossible unless you keep ignoring my messages and being too dry with me). I told you days ago I was ready to return, after the unfair play I did, and now I'm just waiting for your word to come back.
Anyway, let's see what we have changed this last month.
What I've changed/improved:
- Thanks to the effort I made, thanks to my immortal wish of being with you in a better relationship, and thanks to my psychologist, I haven't felt anxious anymore, yet sometimes I get a bad thought, but nothing to suffer about as before. It's good to ask you first about anything I could think about so you can explain me everything to know what is true and what is not.
- Obviously I've stopped looking at your social media as I did days before. I got that it's something wrong and something I shouldn't do.
- I'm beginning to care less about you not answering my messages, because I made the point of caring less about it and anything else that you do or you don't do that worries me so I don't have to worry about it. I wouldn't see this as a good thing for you, because this is just the starting point; if you don't show any interest in me, why should I show it? The more time you are with me, showing me that you really care about me and you really really want to be with me, the less of this kind of treatment you'll get. The less interested you become in me, the less I will care, and so like that until I finally stop caring about you. You don't want this to be like that? You know what to do, as I told you a lot of times. I couldn't leave it easier.
NOTE: THIS LAST THING DOESN'T MEAN I DON'T LOVE YOU, OR I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU, OR I DON'T WANT TO BE WITH YOU. I JUST CAN'T STAND YOU LEAVING ME WAITING FOR YOU LIKE A DOG AND SOMEHOW THAT HAS TO BE STOPPED. THESE KIND OF THINGS SHOULDN'T HAPPEN IN A RELATIONSHIP.
What you've changed/improved:
- Apparently nothing than what you did last time. Maybe I'm wrong, but we haven't talked that much to be sure about it. You still avoid my messages, you still seem to do other things rather than talking to me, even when you've promised me twice you would be more constant in answering my messages.
I don't want you to give up on me, but I really mean this, if you don't feel capable of changing such easy thing like your lack of communication, just tell me, and you won't have to worry about it ever again, because I'll be gone and you won't have to change such thing anymore. I still love you a lot, my heart still beats for you, you're my one and only thought in my mind, but I don't want anybody that would prefer to post things on their social media, answer questions from randoms and comments from people I don't necessarily like (because of what those people mean to me), and stream videogames for hours rather than giving a little of their time to me, because it isn't fair that I have to live waiting for days for a response from you while you keep doing other things that seem more interesting for you than your girlfriend (if that's how I can still call myself).
prguitarman
gummygunk
pixelskylines
2087
izzy806
blakekathryn
