It’s been three years since you are gone. According to Google that’s 26,304 hours but to me it feels like an eternity. I still wake up in the morning thinking this is a nightmare and you’re not really gone. At night I look at the sky and make a wish on the brightest star I see and I believe it is you.
When I was young you told me we grieve for ourselves because the deceased are in a better place. As a woman, I know that is true, but I still miss you terribly. I watched you endure pain. I prayed and pleaded with God to heal you.
When you died my grief became so overwhelming and suffocating. My heart was so heavy and the pain was unbearable. You played a major role in my life and now you are gone. For my entire existence we spoke every single day, even when I was away in the USA. That’s 56 years of saying “I love you”, 56 years of being a Daddy’s girl, 56 years of feeling safe, 56 years of pure, unconditional love. And now just like that you were gone.
From teaching me how to walk, to throw a ball, even to dance while standing on top of your feet, you showed me ways to stand on my own two feet. A dad’s job is not only to protect his little girl, but also to show her how to defend herself when, one day, he is not around.
You were the biggest influence in my life.
A father is the one who guides his daughter through life, and now even in death you are guiding me. You are constantly showing me that love never dies. You speak to me through letters, music and if I listen closely it’s as though I can still hear your strong voice. Every time someone passes me and I smell Old Spice, Black Suede or Brut aftershave on them, I feel a gentle kiss from Heaven on my cheek from you.
I miss you even more today than 1,096 days ago because it’s been 36 months since I heard your voice, heard your laugh, told you I love you and held your hand. There is so much of you in me and your legacy lives on as I have your sense of humor and share your love for life and all that is good!
Dad, you taught me what heroes are made of.
You taught me how to love life even when it’s terrifying and difficult and you know it’s going to be painful. As I sat and held your hand throughout my life and the months of your pain and suffering, I saw an incredible person, my hero.
I learned how precious life is.
As I remember you three years after your passing, the painful image of my very sick declining father is fading. I will always carry your pain and suffering in my heart, but I can also see my father, my superhero, the strongest man in the world. The man who raised me, the man who was my first love and my best friend. The man who gave me butterfly kisses, how to dance while standing on top of his feet and how to appreciate all genres of sports and music. Oh, how you LOVED introducing me to sports and music and watch with eyes wide open as I grew to love them as much as you did, and still do!!
These days I count how long you have been gone in milestones. Even though I can no longer hear your voice, I still see your face and I can feel your love. You’re still with me, in my laughter, my smile, my tears, in my writing and in my loving.
jacobvanloon
ellievsbear
dailybridgerton
turnnoffyourmind
origamiaround
prguitarman
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