Necessary Monsters (6/15)
A/N: Well, as of recent game updates, my story is now AU. I considered rewriting this chapter, and I do reserve the right to go back and change it later to keep to canon. But for now, Iâd like this chapter to stand in memory of a character that had no business dying (looking at you, JC).
Summary: âI need a favor.â
âYou what?â
âDonât be a prick.â
âOh, off to a champion start, you are.â
The only thing worse than an alarm clock is an enchanted alarm clock. Felix is sure the squat, tin object takes malicious pleasure stabbing in him to consciousness with its incessant brrrring. He groans and slaps a hand in the direction of the trunk currently serving as a bedside table, but the clock dances away from Felixâs outstretched fingers, its shrill ring sounding suspiciously like laughter. Groping about in the dark for his wand, Felix waves it at the clock, now doing an ungainly jig beside the bed, and it falls forward onto its flat face in disgruntled silence.
Stumbling to the wardrobe, Felix pulls out shirt, jumper, and trousers without looking, then stares about him in the darkness for his boots. The outline of one peeks from under the foot of his camp bed, and he trips over the other on his way toward it. Sprawled across the floor, all sense of urgency knocked from him, Felix fumbles for the treacherous shoes and tugs them on with heavy fingers. He reminds himself heâs only 22, which is far too young to be this ornery about his turn at night-shift. He knows the one week a month of reversed sleep cycle, and the impish alarm clock that comes with it, arenât the real reason his nerves are on tenterhooks. But they certainly donât help.
Still spread-eagle on the cold, rough wood, Felix allows his eyes to fall closed as he sends up a silent prayer to whatever entity is responsible for managing his cosmic affairs: Please, please let it come today, he thinks, over and over again, until he feels sleep begin to trickle back through his veins.
As the breathing of its current master becomes slow and deep, the alarm clock rights itself and toddles across the floor towards his ear. It rubs its hands together in undisguised glee.
The Romanian Reserve is not at all what Felix had expected. It reminds him of what he always imagined work in an office would be like: shifts and staff meetings and performance reviews. In Peru, Felixâs schedule was set by the sun or the activity of the dragons he tracked. Here, he flicks his wand over a time card in the main building and marches past the hall of tiny rooms to the cramped office where the equipment is stored, and which he has to share with the Senior Dragonologist for the Peruvian Vipertooth.
Luis Rashbold takes up almost the entire closet-sized room. Leaning back in the only chair with his feet propped on the small desk, both pieces of furniture creaking in distress, he dictates his report to a typewriter clicking away on its own. Heâs only a decade older than Felix, and full of the self-assurance that comes with being one of the youngest researchers to achieve a senior position.
Felix reaches across the desk and snatches the paper from the typewriter, glancing over the events of the day.
âAny change?â he asks Rashbold without looking up from the parchment.
âNone. Sheâs still hell-bent on getting to Alicanto. But itâs got to end soon, surely. The summerâs half gone.â
Sharp pangs constrict Felixâs chest at the reminder, but he breathes through them.
âThe rotation started over today, didnât it? Who do we have this month?â
Rashbold flicks his dark ponytail back over his shoulder. âLambton. And do try and go easy on the lad, the healer quit this morning. â
âYouâre joking. He hasnât been here a fortnight!â
âIâve known shorter.â Rashbold shrugs unconcernedly.
âAnd the one before that only got here a few weeks before I did.â Felix steps around the desk, carefully avoiding Rashboldâs dirt-crusted shoes. âIs the job jinxed or something?â he asks as he lifts the fireproof gauntlets and chest-plate from their hooks on the wall, eyeing the sweat stains on the inside of the equipment with distaste.
âDoubt it,â replies Rashbold, sliding another piece of paper into the typewriter. âMost people just arenât cut out for dragons.â He catches Felix muttering a cleaning spell under his breath and shakes his head.
Felix pulls the chest-plate over his jumper, glancing at the papers scattered across the desk.
âDid the post come yet?â he asks with a practiced nonchalance that does not fool the older man one bit. Rashbold cracks a wicked grin.
âSorry, nothing from your secret admirer. Whatâs it been, a fortnight now?â As always, heat rises in Felixâs face unbidden, and Rashboldâs grin becomes a laugh. âToo bad you didnât pick the Fireball, mate. Your face would make excellent camouflage.â
Felix stomps from the room, cheeks still bright red. Rashboldâs infuriating laughter follows him down the hall.
Disappointment begins its natural evolution into bitter anger as Felix strides quickly out of the buildingâs backdoor and down the gravel path. He wastes a few minutes wishing apparition was permitted on the Reserve. Itâs only a twenty minute walk to the Vipertoothsâ habitat, which is practically nothing; I takes the Horntail dragonologists an hour to get to their plot, housed at the very back of the Reserve. But work is the only thing keeping Felix sane just at present. Each minute of silent walking is a minute he cannot stop his brain sliding into anxious thoughts about what might be happening to Juniper so many kilometres away.
When Felix first arrived, Juniperâs letters, while abysmally short, had at least been consistent. No longer half a world apart, Felix received her owls almost every other day, a privilege he had been denied for many years and did not take for granted. He could tell by her wobbly and often unintelligible penmanship, Juniperâs hands had not yet improved enough to make writing an easy task. Nor had her attempts to charm her quill into writing for her been successful either, she explained in her first letter, since she couldnât hold her wand steady enough to cast anything. But after being discharged from St Mungoâs and purchasing a quill that took dictation from Flourish and Blotts, her letters were once again full of news: How she had been excused from end-of-year exams; how she still had no memory of her attack or attackers; how Dumbledore had insisted she spend the summer at the Khanna tree farm, an out of the way country house with many magical protections surrounding it.
Felix got the distinct impression from her letters that Juniper was frustrated with the decisions being made for her. She had been expressly forbidden from leaving the Khanna property, except for regular visits to St Mungoâs, and Dumbledore and the auror, Moody, checked in on her frequently. But Juniper offered no further details about her protection detail or her recovery. As always, she kept her letters to questions and comments about Felixâs new life in Romania, though even those seemed more careless with each owl. Then the frequency of her letters dipped. By the end of July, they had stopped coming at all.
Worry now keeps Felix in a constant state of nerves. Heâs sure someone would have contacted him if something had happened to Juniper; another attack or a sudden relapse. He remembers Snapeâs warning about uncharacteristic behavior, and more than once has sat down at his desk with the intention of consulting the Slytherin Head of House. But he isnât sure if a mere lack of correspondence qualifies as unusual, particularly in light of her condition. Itâs entirely possible Juniper is simply too busy, with her recovery and her other friends, to keep up with their new fast-paced writing schedule. Still, the vacuum of silence heâs left in without her letters makes him edgier with each passing day.
Work is the only relief Felix has from the continual parade of worries and what-ifs. And todayâs arrival of the new junior assistant, a position that rotates between different species on a monthly basis, ensures Felix has no extra brain space to think of anything except keeping the nervous young man alive and relatively unhurt.
Ten hours later, dripping with sweat, dirt, and blood, Felix trudges slowly back across the Reserve just as the sun peeks over the horizon. Pulling off his gauntlets and stretching his sore muscles, he waits for the ever-present torment to reassert itself. The desperation to hear from Juniper, even just a few quick lines to know sheâs alright and hasnât forgotten him, is a physical ache nothing will soothe. Two weeks is long enough to be objectively concerned, he decides. The time has come to send an inquiry.
Debating which of her many friends to write to, Felix is startled to hear his name being called from somewhere ahead of him. He focuses on the figure in the foreground: a tall, muscular man, though that describes most of the dragonologists here, but with the addition of a cowboy hat, which can only mean one person.
âGrahame,â Felix inclines his head wearily at the Reserveâs resident American, who trots toward him with an irrepressible grin.
âI got - shit, youâre a mess!â The dark man exclaims pleasantly, as he looks Felix up and down.
âMay I help you?â Felix replies, trying to keep irritation from his voice. The American is a junior dragonologist as well, though several years older, and Felix rather enjoys his company, but he isnât in the mood for conversation just now. Fortunately, Grahame appears to be in his usual hurry. He thrusts something at Felix as he passes.
âRashbold asked me to hand that to you on my way. Said youâd want it asap!â
Felix looks down at the object Grahame is pressing into his hands. Itâs an envelope.
âI - yes. Thank you.â He tries to sound aloof, but canât keep the excitement from slipping out around his hasty words.
No worries,â Grahame assures him, walking backward to keep sight of Felix. "Catch you later at the pub?â The American pronounces the final word with a fake accent and wry chuckle, but Felix doesnât notice. His entire attention is given over to the envelope in his hands.
The name on the back isnât written in Juniperâs writing. Felix isnât positive, but he thinks he recognises the small, cramped script of Rowan Khanna. The morning feels suddenly chill. Fingers trembling, Felix unseals the envelope and pulls out a small slip of parchment. He reads the half-dozen lines once, and then again. Then he starts to run.
The Senior Dragonologist looks up from behind the desk, taking in Felixâs breathless state in mild curiousity. Felix props an arm against the doorjamb, clutching a stitch in his side.
âI needâŠa favor,â he gasps.
Rashbold guffaws. âYou what?â
âDonât be a prick,â growls Felix as best he can while still panting.
âOh, off to a champion start, you are,â the larger man chuckles. He falls back against the chair, which squeaks in protest, and kicks his boots up onto the desk. He tries to fold his beefy arms casually behind his head, but the office is so small, he smashes his elbow against the wall.
âWhat could I possibly do for you, Rosier? Never been to Peru, have I? Never chased a dragon across mountains and through forests for weeks without sleep. Donât see how I could possibly help someone such as yourself whoâs so much more experienced, so-â
Felix canât even feel indignant as he interjects, âThis isnât a work favor. Itâs - personal.â
Rashboldâs sarcastic smile slips a little. He notices the frantic look in Felixâs eye and the parchment crumpled in his hand and asks, more seriously, âWhatâs wrong, then?â
âSomethingâs come up. Back in England, and - I need to take a bit of leave.â
Rashbold lets out another raucous laugh, this one incredulous. âWhat? You canât! You just got here. Youâre not eligible for six months at least, and even then you know GuivrĂ© hardly ever approves-â
âI know!â Felix interrupts, âThatâs why I need you to cover for me.â
âIâm not sure.â Felix runs a hand through his hair in distraction. âA few days, maybe.â
Rashbold shakes his head. âNothing doing, mate. Iâm jiggered as it is, I canât pull double shifts that long. Iâve not got enough wide-eye potion left.â
âPlease!â Felixâs abject pleading shocks both himself and the older man. âPlease. I wouldnât ask if it wasnât urgent.â
Rashbold looks Felix up and down, then shakes his head again, his expression now apologetic.
âIâm sorry, Rosier. But Stellaâs on me about my hours as it is. If I try to pull something like this, Iâll wind up in divorce.â
The larger man shifts his gaze to the desk, lifting papers about at random, unwilling to look Felix in the eye.
Felix takes a heavy breath. âFine.â He tosses the gauntlets and vest in the general direction of the wall.
âHold on,â Rashbold stands in alarm. âYouâre not still going, are you?â
âBut, GuivrĂ© will fire you if he finds youâve gone without leave! I know youâre still a bit new here, but you should know what heâs like by now.â
âI donât have a choice,â and Felix is surprised to find his voice even and calm. Itâs a career-ending decision heâs about to make, but somehow, heâs entirely removed from any anxiety about it. Itâs the same feeling of clarity and focus heâs used to experiencing in the wild, when circumstance demands immediate action without the luxury of second-guessing.
Rashbold crosses his arms. âIs this about your mysterious letter writer?â
Felix considers a lie, a family crisis would probably garner more sympathy, but his habitual blush betrays him.
Rashbold snorts. âYouâre seriously going to throw away your position for some girl? That wonât even write?â
The heat in Felixâs face becomes irritation.
âNo. I mean, yes, I am, but sheâs not a girl. I mean, she is a girl, butâŠâ He struggles to find words to describe everything between him and Juniper to this man who doesnât know either of them and whose business it really isnât anyway. âSheâs more than just a girl. Sheâs - sheâs important.â
âMore important than your job?â Rashbold fixes the junior dragonologist with a shrewdly calculating stare that Felix hadnât considered the other man capable of. Felix holds his gaze steadily, and nods just once.
Thereâs a short silence while Rashbold considers. Finally, the older man heaves himself back into the groaning chair in resignation.
âAlright, look. I can cover you for the week-end. Iâll say you got a bad bite and are taking the cure.â He points a large finger at Felix. âBut if youâre not back by Monday, youâre on your own, alright?â
Felixâs knees almost buckle with relief.
âThank you, Rashbold,â he manages, but the other man waves his words away with a massive hand.
âDonât thank me, just donât make me sorry.â
The Khanna tree farm is as picturesque as a Christmas card in the mid-morning light, but Felix isnât in the mood to appreciate the scenery. Security measures have prevented apparition around the property for a league in every direction, so for the second time that day, Felix is forced to race on foot through the grounds. He pelts up the walk to the main building, and bangs on the door with his fist.
Itâs barely a minute, though it feels like an age to Felix, before the door opens and Rowan Khanna stares eagerly out, face falling slightly when she recognises him.
âOh. Felix. I thought, maybe you were-â
âWhatâs going on? Whereâs Juniper? Whatâs happened?â he interjects in a breathless rush. Rowanâs dark cheeks turn suddenly fuschia.
âOh. UmâŠwell, itâs sort of complicated.â
âWhat do you mean? Your letter said Juniper needed help.â
Rowan stutters wordlessly, shifting her weight between her feet, face still unusually coloured, and Felixâs frayed nerves snap.
âKhanna, Iâve left my job without leave to be here! Tell me whatâs going on. Now!â
The door opens farther and Felix is surprised to see Penny Haywood standing behind Rowan, expressive face full of worry.
âAre you here about Juniper?â
Felix rolls his eyes hugely. âYes!â
The blonde girl tugs Rowan aside by the sleeve of her robe, allowing Felix to step over the threshold.
âThatâs good. We need all the help we can get.â
A few silent minutes later, Penny is brewing tea while Rowan and Felix sit at the kitchenâs wooden farm table. Rowan stares nervously down at her hands, picking at splinters in the wood. Felix takes several deep, steadying breaths, trying to keep his temper under control. If Juniper were in immediate danger, they would surely have taken him to her. But if she isnât, Khannaâs going to receive an earful for putting him through all this.
âWhere is Juniper?â Felix asks, with what he considers impressive calm.
âSheâsâŠnot here,â Rowan admits, and silent tears spill from her eyes before she can stop them. She wipes them with the back of her sleeve, knocking her glasses askew, and Felix digs his nails into his palm to stifle his panic. He calls up his old prefect skills and speaks as soothingly as he can.
âKhanna, justâŠcalm down, and tell me whatâs-â
âSheâs alright,â Penny says, turning from the heating kettle to face the table. Sheâs mercifully tear-free, but looks concerned enough to contradict her statement. âSheâs notâŠnot been attacked again or anything like that. Itâs - â she sighs deeply. âItâs hard to explain.â
Felix closes his eyes in a quick plea for patience. "Please, try.â
Penny leans back against the cooker.
âWhen was the last time you heard from Juniper?â
âWhy?â asks Felix suspiciously.
âBecause I need to know how much you donât know.â
âItâs beenâŠtwo weeks,â he admits. âbut before that she wasnât saying much about whatâs been happening to her.â
Penny hugs her arms about herself, taking a moment to gather her thoughts, while Felix drums his fingers against the tabletop in agitation.
âOkay. You know Dumbledore made her come stay here for the summer, right?â
âWell, the thing isâŠat hospital, she seemed alright. Normal, you know? She was making plans for the summer and next term, like she always does. Even the healer said she was recovering better than expected. ButâŠonce she got here, sheâŠchanged. We thought she might just be ill or something. She wasâŠâ Penny glances toward the ceiling, presumably searching there for the right words. âSubdued, I guess. She wasnât eating, said nothing tasted of anything. And she couldnât sleep. Or wouldnât.â
âWhat do you mean?â Felix interrupts.
âShe started having these awful nightmares,â says Rowan in a quiet voice. âSheâd wake up screaming, didnât - didnât know where she was. It wasâŠscary-â She sniffs, but manages to keep herself from tears. âSo, she sort of stopped sleeping. At night anyway. Sheâd kip a bit during the day, but sheâd stay up all night just - just sort of pacing and stuff. It was weird. And then she started - startedâŠâ Rowanâs lip quivers violently and Penny steps in.
âShe started acting, well, really kind of nasty. Snapping at Rowan, and justâŠreally irritable all the time. Iâve been here a good bit, so I saw it too. It reminded me of Beatrice last summer, you know after being trapped all year. JustâŠnot like herself at all.â
Alarm bells go off in Felixâs head.
âDid you tell anyone?â He asks. âHer healers or Dumbledore?â
Penny looks down, uncomfortably. âI thought it would get better. Juniperâs a lot stronger than Beatrice. Stronger than anyone. You know what I mean, stuff doesnât really get to her like other people.â
âI mentioned it once to Healer Early when she was here,â Rowan interjects, âbut she said there wasnât anything she could do. Something about how magic canât heal the mind and Juniper would just have toâŠget over it, somehow.â
âI thought Juniper was visiting St Mungoâs a few times a week? Whyâs the healer coming here?â
Rowan and Penny exchange significant glances.
âDidâŠdid Juniper not mention?â Penny asks cautiously.
The kettle behind Penny whistles and she turns hurriedly to prepare cups, leaving Rowan to explain.
âWhen she took the floo to hospital, sheâd have these awful sort of attacks. Like, doubled over in pain. For a really long time. And it made her hands worse.â Rowan looks down at her own hands lying limp on the table, reciting her words blandly as if they were lines from a textbook. âThe healer said the damage to her nerves from the Cruciatus Curse was pretty bad. And that can make magical transportation hard on the body.â
Felix raises his eyebrows. âSoâŠJuniperâs not supposed to use the Floo network anymore?â
âOr apparate,â Penny adds softly without turning around. âShe didnât get to take the test with the rest of us.â
Penny pours hot water into three cups, and sends them floating across to the table with her wand. Seating herself between Felix and Rowan, she makes a production of adding milk and sugar to her cup, stirring for longer than strictly necessary. Rowan purses her lips around the rim of her tea cup without waiting for it to cool, the steam fogging her glasses. For several minutes, the only sounds are the chink of porcelain and the gentle sipping of scalding liquid.
âIs thisâŠpermanent?â Felix manages eventually.
Rowanâs cup clatters as she drops it back onto the saucer. She shakes her head violently from side to side.
âNo! The healer said it should get better! That she might even be able to take the test next summer! It - It really wasnâtâŠthat big of a deal.â
But Felix doubts Rowanâs dubious tone convinces even herself. Juniper has always been accustomed to quickly mastering spells far beyond her year. And apparition is considered a rite of passage. He can only imagine just how âbig a dealâ being unable to apparate would be to Juniper.
âAfter that,â Penny continues, still swirling her spoon through her tea. âEverything just got so much worse. Iâve - Iâve never seen Juniper so unhappy.â
She trails away, staring miserably down into her cup. Felix waits as patiently as he can with his heart racing like a locomotive, but neither girl seems about to continue the story.
âSo, does that mean Juniperâs back at St Mungoâs, then?â
Rowan busies herself cleaning the fog from her glasses, looking anywhere but at Felix.
âNo,â admits Penny. âSeeâŠwe thought that maybe it would cheer her up to see her friends, since sheâs not supposed to go anywhere. So we invited them to come. We had everyone visit in shifts. You know, Barnaby and Andre one week, then Bill and Charlie. And then,â Pennyâs chest heaves with her steadying breath. âTonks and Tulip. They came up a couple of weeks ago, and they thought JuniperâŠneeded to get out a bit.â
Felix almost knocks over his still-full cup of tea. âBut Dumbledore said she wasnât to leave the farm!â
âI know,â Rowan moans, covering her face with her hands. âI tried to tell her. I knew sheâd get into so much trouble if they found out, Dumbledore and Snape and that auror. But, you know what sheâs like.â
âAnd Tonks and Tulip donât set any store by rules either,â Penny adds in disapproval.
âBut - but,â Felix splutters, âwhere would they even go? If Juniper canât apparate-â
âTonks has a muggle motor,â explains Penny glumly. âHer dad taught her to use it. So, they all went into the city one night.â
Felix struggles to keep his frustration at the two students in check. Heâs only four years their senior, but they suddenly seem ridiculously young to be watching out for Juniper by themselves.
âTo be fair,â offers Rowan timidly. âJuniper did seem a bit more herself when she got back. Or at least, she was talking again, laughing, you know?â She lowers her head to her teacup again, slurping loudly.
âAnd I guess that encouraged Tulip and Tonks,â says Penny, now fiddling with her tea spoon. âSo when they left theyâŠthey sort of took Juniper with them.â
âWhat? Where?â barks Felix in alarm.
âLondon,â Penny and Rowan say simultaneously.
âLondon,â Felix repeats. âSo, itâs taken you the better part of an hour to tell me that Juniperâs run away to London?â
Both girls look uncomfortably at the table. Rowanâs lip quivers violently again, but Felixâs mounting frustration smothers the part of him that cares about such things.
âSurely, you wrote to me as an afterthought.â Felixâs voice trembles with poorly suppressed fury, âPresumably, two of the smartest witches of their year would know to contact Dumbledore immediately. Or Healer Early. Or that auror. Someone in the same country and able to ensure Juniperâs safety in a timely fashion.â
By the end, Felixâs words are a venomous snarl, and Rowan begins to sob again. Penny looks from her to Felix, eyes pleading.
âJuniper didnât want anyone to know! She made Rowan promise not to tell anyone at the school. She - she wasnât very nice about it, either.â
âAnd-and-and I didnât w-want her to get into trouble,â wails Rowan.
Rising from her chair, Penny puts her arms around the other girlâs shaking shoulders.
âWe were afraid if we told Dumbledore or anyone else, Juniper might be expelled. And Rowan didnât want to break her promise,â explains Penny in a soothing voice, stroking Rowanâs hair. âBarnaby was the one who suggested we write to you, becauseâŠJuniper never said we couldnât tell anyone just not anyone at the school. And you and Juniper write and she looks up to you. We thought she might listen to you if you told her to come back.â
Felix is unsure whether this is true or just flattery designed to quench his anger, but either way it has the desired effect. His whole body relaxes as worry and concern take a backseat to a newly re-kindled hope growing rapidly into excitement. Perhaps this is the opportunity heâs been waiting for: a chance to help Juniper when she needs it most. This isnât the monster heâd always imagined saving her from, but it could do in a pinch.
For a few minutes, Felix indulges in a half-plan, half-fantasy of knocking on Juniperâs door in London, reveling in the look of shock and awe that crosses her face upon seeing him before she throws herself into his arms, just like at the Quidditch match. Well, perhaps with a few more tears, only natural given what sheâs been through. But all the horror is sure to melt away as he holds her, murmuring comfort against her hair, until she turns her face to his, eyes full of appreciation and something else heâs only ever imaginedâŠ
Felix pushes back from the table decisively.