I’m getting bad again. I’m losing track of time- I’m trying so hard
h

Kiana Khansmith
Sade Olutola
Acquired Stardust

PR's Tumblrdome
Sweet Seals For You, Always
trying on a metaphor

Love Begins
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
i don't do bad sauce passes

No title available
DEAR READER
Keni
Three Goblin Art
hello vonnie
Stranger Things

❣ Chile in a Photography ❣
occasionally subtle
Misplaced Lens Cap
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me

seen from Brazil
seen from Türkiye

seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States

seen from United Kingdom
seen from United States

seen from Türkiye
seen from United Arab Emirates
seen from Austria

seen from Spain
seen from Israel

seen from United States
seen from Singapore

seen from Maldives

seen from United States
seen from Sweden

seen from Türkiye
seen from Malaysia
@hnggggproblems
I’m getting bad again. I’m losing track of time- I’m trying so hard
things people have told me about my scars
You’re not sorry
You always say you’re sorry but you continue to do it anyway , you’re not sorry . But it’s fine I guess .
One Day at a Time addressing how it should never be up to the child to fix a broken relationship with a parent.
Being psychologically and emotionally abused sucks because when someone asks you what happened there’s no bruises or scars or scratches to show just screwed up brain cells and traumatic memories my dude idek what’s going on anymore
What do you need from others in order to feel safe?
When I share my feelings, I need other people to not be dismissive of them, even if we are in conflict and what I am sharing doesn’t feel fair or an accurate reflection of what happened, because it feels true to me and that’s important and deserves to be heard. If someone is going to touch me and I can’t see them for whatever reason, I need them to let me know first. When I sound like I’m having a crappy day or a hard time, the other person asking if I’m okay and listening. After we’ve been in a fight and have resolved things, to give me a loving touch or a hug. Others just asking me how my day is going. Not treating me like my PTSD triggers make me a burden or a bad person. I like humor and often joke around and I feel safer with people who can do that with me. I feel safer also when I can be silly with someone. When others respect my boundaries. Never saying to me I’m too needy or too much. Kind of funny one is, I feel safer with someone if they sing to me.
Life’s too short. You never know when it’s the last time you talk to someone. Never end a conversation in a fight and never let her go when she’s mad or you are fighting. And always say I love you. You’ll regret it when they are gone.
“ you’re so considerate!”
Haha thanks , I was raised in constant fear of upsetting people so yknow * fingerguns *
Today someone told me I’m nice and I literally said “thanks it’s the emotional trauma”
this isn’t cute
stop making people feel uncomfortable for saying something nice! people don’t deserve to have ur problems thrown at them for trying to compliment u
Here’s the thing - and I’m saying this as nicely as I can - people who have gone through tons of emotional trauma can be very uncomfortable with praise. Me personally, I’m wired in such a way that while I do like praise and compliments, it almost hurts to accept them because my brain is all fuckity from years of being told how worthless I was. We’re not trying to be impolite jerks, hurting the feelings of innocent compliment-givers, we’re coping. I say stuff like “thanks it’s the emotional trauma” because humor is a coping mechanism.
We’re not being assholes about our trauma on purpose.
(Most of the time.)
yes, thank you, I know how emotional trauma works, as I have experienced it plenty of times in my life. lots of people have and it still does not make it okay to do that.
saying “it’s how I cope” is an excuse to not have to take responsibility for your actions and how they affect the people around you. it’s a shitty coping mechanism!! I know, I used to do it too and it made everyone around me uncomfortable and pushed away people that would’ve been there for me had I taken the time to explain why I didn’t like having certain things said to me
people don’t know what you’ve been through and making them regret trying to be nice to you by dumping it on them in response will only isolate yourself
I’m just reblogging this to say , y’all I’m not saying that to ppl . I posted it on my vent ( hi ) bc a lot of ppl can give compliments on things which they appreciate which is perfectly fine and I appreciate the compliments , but a lot of the things I’m complimented on are because of being abused and many people don’t actually realise that . It was just a post basically saying that my trauma has shaped me into being the person that I am and ppl don’t tend to notice that , but I’m not calling people out or not being accepting of the compliments ! This whole page is just a big internal monologue, I’d never make someone feel bad for complimenting me aha
One Day at a Time addressing how it should never be up to the child to fix a broken relationship with a parent.
Am I really a bad person for remembering all the bad stuff my parents did? I remember them slapping me, yelling at me, scattering my things and breaking them (not on purpose, but still). Am I a bad person for remembering it? Am I a bad person for bringing it up sometimes? Am I a bad person if I fear them and cannot forgive and forget so easily? My mother got angry when I brought it up, said “Let God be the judge”… Is she right? I don’t know anymore. I’m just so tired and suicidal,I wanna sleep
(you’re not a bad person for remembering what happened to you. I want to fight whoever made you think that you’re bad for remembering abuse. that’s not very nice of them. she’s not right to say “let god be the judge” if she’s using that as an excuse to hurt you. -kitten)
Mental illness is not an excuse for someone to treat you badly.
mental illness is not an excuse for someone to treat you badly
Mental illness is not an excuse for someone to treat you badly
signs that your family is abusive:
you feel the urge to hide from them whenever you’re vulnerable
you cannot bear the idea of them seeing you cry
when you’re hurt or in pain, you don’t go to them because you feel they’ll tell you that you deserved it or that it was your fault
you don’t feel like you can confide in them, either because they don’t seem to care, or try to control how you act, or yell at you and punish you, or use the information against you
you feel very self-conscious around them and keep expecting criticism and insults
you can’t tell them about your struggles because you already know they’ll side against you
you keep things in your life secret from them because you have a feeling they would ridicule, humiliate, and judge you if they knew, or take everything away from you
you feel scared of letting them know when they hurt you
you feel scared and guilty when you so much as think about them in a bad way
you feel the urge to remind yourself of all the things they did for you, whenever something bad comes up, to be sure that you’re seeing them the way they want to be seen by you
you’re scared of being accused of being a burden to them
you’re scared to hold them responsible for things they did to you, because you know they would argue otherwise, and insist they had full right to do what they did, or that you made it up
you have the inner sense of dread that nothing you ever do or say will be taken seriously by them, and your life will always look like a joke to them
you dream of living far away from them and feel guilty for wanting to cut them from your life
you don’t feel like you’re really important in comparison to them, it feels like it’s better to just step aside and let them be important, your life doesn’t matter as much anyway
you’re worried about how your every action might affect their life, their reputation and social standing
you feel that they’re ashamed of you and you’re trying your best not to bring further shame on the family
you feel like you’ll owe them for the rest of your life and nothing you ever do will be enough to erase the debt, and this fills you with dread and feeling of being trapped
you don’t count on their help when you’re in trouble, you’re scared of them finding out and punishing you for being in trouble in the first place
you don’t count on them sharing their resources with you, you know you have to be grateful for how much they’ve given you already and feel like you have no right to ask for anything more, even if you need it
you can’t feel warmth or safety when surrounded by family, instead you wish you didn’t have to be there, and seek a place to hide and protect yourself
holidays spent with family are just painful and something you try to endure instead of enjoy
you can’t imagine a world where you’re free and not defined by these people
fun trauma thing: simultaneously feeling too mature and immature compared to everyone else
“wow you’re so mature for your age!!?!?!?!!?!!?!?!!!!”
thanks, i raised me myself