Lovespell2212

This is a blog of my random thoughts my poems and photos, I'm from Bronx NewYork but currently far from home... I do not have photos or poems on my page that I did not write or take myself !!! follow me I follow back ;)

[lovespell2212]

[lovespell2212]

[lovespell2212]

A simple farewell letter

There was a written letter

Simple and short

But I felt and understood every word

It was almost goodbye

A certain uncertainty

And reading it my heart broke

It felt like I was morning the death of something who isn’t dead .

It was a letter I couldn’t reply to not the way I wanted

Cause i always want to use words of comfort and hope ...

But I have to find who I am in this life and world

Even if every second with out my best friend is lonely

I’ll be going through withdrawals from this choice my whole life !

I won’t be happy and even if I do find a smile across my lips it won’t last long ...

And I’m back there missing everything

I’m back in my head fighting my heart.

Anyway the letter .. the simple yet short letter

From my best friend I will hold with me cause the last words written is I Love You and I get to read it and almost hear his voice saying it !

[lovespell2212]

[lovespell2212]

Last letter 11:38pm

Dear whom it may concern

It’s like I never learn

And here I go blaming myself again

Knowing that we can’t be more than just friends

Or friends

Cause true ones don’t lie

Don’t try to fuck you up inside

Don’t walk around holding on to pride

Leave you standing to fuck hoes on the side

And I should of never went

All my time and tears spent ...

I lost hours of sleep again

The past slowly started to creep in again

Suddenly I remembered why trusting you makes me dead inside

Believing your words holding on to lies

Like I’ve said time and time before I’ve never been good enough

And all the bitches keep adding up and I’m try to stay afloat

Not let any of this shake my hope

But ...

I can’t keep taking this

You go to work at all odd shifts

In reality your selfish

In love with these whores that will pay you mind . Give you attention... act like your the only guy who’s been inside of them.

And make you feel like their investing time

While I’ve been fucked up for so long ....

Meeting you now seems so wrong ,

Your pushing close to mid-life but you’ve been in a crisis since teenage years

Non of these girls know about all your fears

Non of them would truly stay

And if they did

Truly trust they would of fucked your life up in so much ways ,

So I’ve always been around

And now I feel like a fucking clown

How could you choose them over us

And again breaking all my trust

Again breaking all the progress

You say we don’t text much

That I don’t give it up

Why do you even try ,

And for a second again I almost brought all that shit ...

Until I slowly realized this is what you do play mind games and hide behind your sorry looking eyes .

Truth is you knew all along

That you can turn all the table to make me seem I’m at a wrong !

While the little money you’ve got went into feeding some chick

And you can’t even make time to spend with your kids .

And I’m starting to give up

I’m thinking you won’t ever change

And I don’t ever wanna fuck

Cause I swear if we did

I could raise hell on this planet

...

you did nothing but damage

You said it was all cause of fear but if you could lie to me like in the past you would of and we would of smashed.

you still would of left to fill you time and wet your dick , letting them make you feel special when they don’t know shit .

I bet you look big , I guess your the man cause you can ... take these easy girl from a guys hands ... cause you can make them cum that’s funny .... cause if you think they can’t lie if you think they’re submissive... you may only know one side cause why then would a guy let any girl go that knows how to ride , how to cook , how to clean , know how to stay loyal... oh that’s right !!!! You left and you had that ,

But fuck it ,

This really shouldn’t matter !

Now both of our lives are disasters..

And you spoke about her eyes ... her body and how you enjoyed it ,

And you found something new so explore it ...

your right this just would of never been right

.. you worked for so hard and give up the fight ...

it’s like your one score away from winning the game ...

But you miss the shot on purpose..

Your one step away from getting your degree...

But pussy and drugs are not on the test !

And with this I’ll put this letter to rest ...

You really think these bitches care you really think that they’ll be there ! Alright ...

One day in the darkest night when you toss and turn and can’t sleep right !

Your cold heart will ache and no night inside any women will fill your narcissistic , manipulative desire.

I guess it’s my fault for loving a lier..a womanizer.. the boy with the words .

You can talk any girls clothes off and make anyone want to be you.

I guess your cursed . But don’t you ever say I didn’t try , or that I didn’t love you, don’t ever tell me you love me too . I don’t wanna hear that shit anymore either.

You said you fucked up big time !

Only words you wanted me to hear , almost like an apology but never was clear , that’s how you are you say things and say nothing at all.

I have so much more to say but if I say it all I’d fade away . And this has taken more of me then you’ll know because of you I wanna go, fuck this life and fuck my soul!

You’ve taught me more lessons I needed to know . Don’t trust my heart , and don’t open up . Most of all with all this fire all this power you taught me not everything deserves a reaction.

So I came back to this place ,

And you were too busy to even see if we made it safe

It was so simple to see that you were so busy ... you couldn’t pick up to text and check .

Sincerely your biggest regret

[lovespell2212]

[lovespell2212]

Can I know How I Die so I can Write About It !.

Lovespell2212

[lovespell2212]

Funeral

I don’t want to cross your mind

Not in a lonely moment

Not in a time of realization

I don’t want be a thought or memory

I don’t want an I’m sorry or

Years from today an I Miss You ...

Cause when you feel lost

When all your choices in life have turned out sour

You’ll suddenly remember you had a person who genuinely cared

Don’t bother trying to contact me

Cause I will be long gone

And some days you’ll cross my mind but my heart will no longer skip a beat.

[lovespell2212]

Grave

I’m digging this grave in my mental

Digging deep through the past

Through the recent weeks

The more I dig

I grow weak

Weak and muddy

This is where I’ll lay until my final days

Alone in my mind is where I’ll stay

Wheater I be cold and hungry

Hungry for contact to connect

See I’ve dug this grave ... to never escape

On my ankles are invisible weights

Filling them is a lack of life and giving up .

Ive dug this grave in my mind .

[lovespell2212]

Why hasn’t science created a way to remove broken hearts ... and give a titanium one in its place ?

Lovespell2212

[lovespell2212]

One day someone will ask me why.. not just any why but, why did you allow your heart to be cemented shut. And I will simply answer so no pain can seep through. So no one would ever get close enough to hurt me again-

Lovespell2212

[lovespell2212]

It’s always the same hour

I start to freeze time and

Rewind my mind

Trying to not overthink as

I Spiral and sink

Into moments

That flicker like a flame

Playing this fuck game

Fighting my urges to drink

Drinks don’t really wash memories away

I try

I do it alone

So I can stay in the comfort of my own zone

No where ever feels like home

I can pick up leave

itd all be the same

markings of writing stained on my Brain

I’m heavy ,

I’m negative,

I’m spent .

I’m bent .

I’m overthinking now

I’m Quietly freaking out

Doubt can screw it up

And this I much admit

I question it all

Hesitant to feel again

[lovespell2212]

I want to go to the most beautiful place in the world and cry

-Lovespell2212

[lovespell2212]

In love and hate

I said I love with intent

I said it vaguely

With hopes that it was true

In hopes it would stay

But I’ve only ever truly

Loved once.

Once.

The love that burns your soul

The kind that makes you feel insane

The love that gets written about in novels and happy endings ...

But true love doesn’t always have a happy ending

Sometimes it’s bitter and painful

It leaves you with scars that won’t fade won’t heal

Memories you can’t seem to forget

Beautiful and ugly alike

And when someone becomes that a part of you

There never really gone

In the back of your mind they stay in this strange place of love and hate ,

It changes you towards every person who has a potential to actually love you ,

But your left broken you can’t fully give yourself away .

That love has already lived for another

To love in the same weight

Would be as comparing rocks to mountains ,

The cruelest fait to be in love and to be in hate !

To have lived loved lost.

[lovespell2212]

NUDE

Yeah I have to get away ....

I have to excape my reality

There’s things I’m not ready to comfornt

I thought I was ready

To replacing you

But truth be told

Maybe I needed to live free

Start free with you

Where we didn’t judge eachother based on the mistakes of our past,

Not blaming you for the horrific pain I endured

Or the regret of not being able to change for the best

The mudded lies you had to live with and hide

I did see through it all

I seen

I held on for as long as I thought I could

I left with anger and disconnection

I was still in the worse of my depression

In ever intention I wanted you to regret

But it backfired

Cause you still here and I’m still loving you

Regardless of who we are

[babyanimalgifs]

Find someone who supports you like this cat supports his owner’s music

via @sarperduman

[lovespell2212]

Why are the most beautiful souls so dark and burdened, the most loving wearing smiles broken.

Lovespell2212