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A Letter to Parathy
A Letter to Parathy
Singapore, 2013.
Dearest Parathy,
Since I heard the news, I have been oscillating between denial and grief. How could it possibly be true? The Parathy we know, so full of life, illuminating our lives. We were supposed to meet for lunch next week; I checked and it remains pencilled in my calendar. There is so much we wanted to catch up on. And yet. Now they tell me that you are gone. Are you…
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An Infinity That Belongs To Us Two If only I knew how to turn darkness into light, and days into weeks, for they…
A Time of Mourning
A Time of Mourning
It is a time of mourning, for most at least, to honour a life so true, full of light; the hall overfilled with earnest souls, pouring forth wishes, condolences, beating hearts synchronised in prayer, the steady rhythm of the gong, of monk’s song, as we grapple with the inevitable, what we hoped not to be, and yet. I remember the last time I held your hand, your spirits so high, defying your…
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I Surrender Wholly to the Water Without Regret
I Surrender Wholly to the Water Without Regret
Brighton, England, 2017. Moving halfway across the world – to another continent, another land, to begin to build a new life, a new home – entails distance. The widening of distance; the closing of distance. Sometimes the former takes precedence, other times, the latter. This past weekend, in a moment of loss arising in another part of the world, I had in you found ceaseless wonder; an…
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Does Infinite Darkness Give Way to Light?
Does Infinite Darkness Give Way to Light?
Waterloo, London, 2017. Once, in another life, I had chased the light, a glimmer so bright; I ran and I ran, and now, here I am, wondering about the laws of light: if today were made of many yesterdays, does infinite darkness give way to light? and does it appear brighter from afar and then diminish the closer you are? – Agnes Chew
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Nearly Imperceptible
Atop the Tate, London, 2017. The cold envelopes you as your feet move, now by instinct, across those cobblestoned streets, nimbly weaving through the other feet – dressed, in stilettos, oxfords, or plain bare – and in the sudden light of the night created by winter, you see the magic of snowfall, nearly imperceptible, as with my heartache. – Agnes Chew
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Living a Dream
Linden, Germany, 2017. Today I am living the dream, and yet here I am, lost in another dream. Yesterday I was living a dream I once dreamt and yet no more. Will tomorrow see me living this dream that henceforth shall be for eternity? – Agnes Chew
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Close, Closer, Closest
Esslingen, Germany, 2017. Here lies my heart and here, yours, too; here lies my being and yet, yours, not – an ocean between us: an ocean of longing, whose tides rise and fall, and rise and you said, your soul is ever waiting; I said, the home to which I return is you – and so we share our days this way: close, closer, till the day – closest. – Agnes Chew
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2016 in Retrospect
It is now December. 2016 – whom I had welcomed with open arms just a year ago – is now about to pass. As I write this I am sitting cross-legged at a wooden table with a cup of tea, snugly enveloped not only in a sweater that does not belong to me, where natural light streams in through windows though not for much longer, and I – in both senses of the word – am in a special place where over two…
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The Days That Feel Like Nights
The Days That Feel Like Nights
Westminster, London, 2016. The days that feel like nights; nights that stretch endlessly; endlessly is how I love; love is across an ocean; ocean that precipitates desire; desire, a longing unfulfilled; unfulfilled is my heart; heart, no longer here; here, not there; there, where you are. – Agnes Chew
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It is Now November
It is Now November
Greenwich, London, 2016. It is now November and the leaves are falling away from the trees, or are the latter baring their souls to each other? It is now November at four the sun retires; would our hearts remember the silhouette of our souls as the world turns amber? It is now November and as I cross the Thames I wish to always remember: freezing hands, burning hearts a promise of forever. –…
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Longing for Home
Freiburg, Germany, 2016. Is it strange to find home in the most obscure of places, objects, people – that I am miles away from my first home and yet there exist familiarity, comfort, and away I go, once again, and here I find my being longing for home: not the first, but the one I found in a land once foreign but now no longer so. – Agnes Chew
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The Desire for Nothing Else But
The Desire for Nothing Else But
Umkirch, Germany, 2016. Dusk is falling: pied skies, lingering clouds; the forest is awakening: dancing stalks, whispering trees; look, the birds are soaring; listen, two hearts are singing; feel, the desire for nothing else but how many ways are there to say what now permeates my soul? – Agnes Chew
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Meine Heimat
PAUL SIGNAC, ALBERTINA, VIENNA, AUSTRIA, 2015. How many worlds exist in this moment as you read these words I write, and dream, in the shadows of a day come and past, joining the recesses of memories accumulating with each moment, including this one – yes, this one – as you blow me a kiss with the same charm as the very first time, over two years of moments ago, which could not be that far…
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Comment l’horizon est loin?
Comment l’horizon est loin?
Sydney, Australia, 2016. Two weeks ago, I attended the first of a series of French lessons that I spontaneously signed myself up for. As a final exercise before we parted that evening, we were asked to look at a picture of a bent old man peering out into the sea from where he stood, and come up with a question as to what he might be thinking. It barely took me a second, for the line almost…
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2015 in Retrospect
Buduruwagala, Sri Lanka, 2015. 2015 marks the third consecutive year since I first began penning my annual reflections, sparking what has now become an essential routine for personal introspection. In a particularly nostalgic mood that naturally accompanies this time of the year, reading my words on both 2013 and 2014 has filled me with a sense of awe, reassurance, and lightness, witnessing now –…
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Ein Traum von Unendlichkeit
Ein Traum von Unendlichkeit
Freiburg, Germany, 2015. Vor einem Jahr hast du auf dieser Bank gesessen; die Blätter fielen, schwarz und weiß, die Sehnsucht, so heiß. Ein Jahr später sitzen wir hier der Platz neben dir ist jetzt nicht mehr leer; die Geschichte von uns wird in der Realität passiert. Wir haben in zwei Wochen Erinnerungen eines ganzen Lebens gemacht, füllen Seelen mit Liedern und Lachen. Ach, wie sehne ich mich…
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