vapor

♡ love scented vapor ♡ Infj

[lovevapour]

[inkskinned]

you know what? fuck it, man. the world is held in the fists of people who like to break things. at this point i’m saying who gives a shit. wear that victorian dress you don’t have an excuse for. dress up like a witch, pointed hat and all. who cares anymore. why worry about it when there’s bigger stuff to worry on. i’m saying. yeah, this lipstick is too dark, wanna share? i’m saying go talk to her, tell her that you like her hair. i’m saying she’s out of my league but i’m still swinging, i’m saying yeah i’m in a ballgown and it’s a pta meeting. what about it. eat the extra brownie, tell her your feelings. i’m saying if nothing matters than we might as well give nothing meaning.

[inkskinned]

#i’m saying if existence is a void at least i’m going down screaming.

it’s been 9 years since i wrote this. i was experiencing 24/7 anxiety so badly that i needed serious medication. these days in the back of my car is an “emergency party box.” when people admit they no longer really celebrate their birthday; i tell them to put the sash on and queue up kesha, we’re going bowling or something. these days i can’t spin around without finding something i am enamored with. these days i list 3 things i’m grateful for before i fall asleep. you’re probably one of them, just by virtue of you existing.

at the time i wrote this, i was suffering through a severe panic attack literally every night. i tortured my brother with constant 2 AM calls just to hear someone else breathing, because i couldn’t be alone in the silence.

i rarely wish i was still 23 even though ironically i had more hope back then. what i can tell you is this: i love the same way, but bigger now. i’ve worn the velvet cape to several business meetings. i spent thursday in a crop top without caring what my stomach looked like.

i told her i like her; i often dress as a witch. i still got glass in my foot this morning. i’ve kissed maybe a thousand people since then and met a million more than that; passing like the shadow of a hammerhead in trains and planes and buses.

i saw you, beloved, there, maybe, on platform in south station. you didn’t speak, but you said: i struggle to give the nothing meaning. the nothing fills up everything. it is just loud and yellowed panicked silence. i can’t stop shaking.

on the roof, birds curl together against the chilled spring wind. the sky outside of the craft store was an iridescent pink. the nothing already had meaning; you are giving it meaning by witnessing.

the act of living, beloved: it’s just decoding how to translate it.

[fairycosmos]

they should invent an enough that is enough

[fairycosmos]

i can’t remember if i wrote this about ocd or money or buddhism or doom scrolling or self image or time or grief

[kosmogrl]

everything is changing and maybe that’s okay

[kosmogrl]

as you get older you realise that anything that helps you stop feeling stuck is welcome even if it hurts at first

[mournfulroses]

Anaïs Nin, from a diary entry featured in Trapeze: The Unexpurgated Diary of Anais Nin, 1947-1955

[joytri]

thank you to trees and also rain

[naked-yogi]

kissing is so underrated, I could just lie in bed and kiss all day

[shiverandqueeef]

if you aren't best friends with your lover and a little bit in love with all your friends than what's the fucking point

[olmec-colossal-head]

tumblr should have a gunshot sound push notification when a mutual deactivates

[threedollarsdotcom]

are you more doomed than a fifth grader

[mousenemy]

[byjove]

the 1980s nuclear family (based on firsthand accounts of people who lived through it):

bipolar mom with severe untreated PPD

workaholic & alcoholic dad

eldest son who is a 15 year old binge drinker who has been employed since he was 13

middle child sister who got really into church to avoid being at home, will be a pregnant housewife by age 19 despite being the most promising member of the family

sensitive little brother with a stealing habit

divorced Vietnam vet uncle who sleeps in a tent in the yard

chain smoking grandma who might have killed her last two husbands

dog that somebody dumped down the street that lives there now (best dog ever)

[gogumagirl]

Windows no. 2 nuit by Mathieu Walter (2022)

[butterflypeaflowertea]

i like the summertime because i feel like i am returning to a version of myself that only exists from may–august but she is always the same person each time and i like being her and seeing the world through her eyes again

[kisxmesoft]

[bgm05]

Would it be considered “gay” to go for a walk in the evening?

[frailgun]

an unsung favorite of mine