virtual insanity

[lubosophy]

Term two had ended. Awaiting calm anyway.

[lubosophy]

When I sit very still I am not still; my body shakes in the rhythm of my heart as its pounds against its cavity. In meditation I am instructed to follow the breath, the so-called secret of life. I am told that thoughts will arise, and it is a part of the process. I am not distracted by my thoughts. I am distracted by my heartbeat.

[happyheidi]

[lubosophy]

I wrote nothing about you

[lubosophy]

What could one Ever understand of the storm beneath collarbones And between eyelashes Of the scum within and of those without. I understood the delinquency of fingers between fingers and Nails dug in palms. I understood nervous breaths. The ball in throat. What I always failed was in pushing. Cliched antics told me I'd push. That I'd pray. That I'd push Away. [...] Cradled you, us, me, him, me, me, me, you, you, and no more of me.

[lubosophy]

Misconceptions, misled, misogyny, miss, miss, miss. Unyielding, unfamiliar, no, unknown. Concentrated congestion of every connotation condemned. Constructs of the self. Incessant incongruity.

[lubosophy]

Unwanted, untamed wolves. Desperate for a hand and hungry for flesh.

[lubosophy]

i. The tendency to leave things be is an art. Its selfless and selfish discourse allows for one to tear into different dialectic of the self, often confusing the lines of intrusion in the spheres of what’s left alone.

ii. I’m learning that words do not suffice in expressing intention. Who will understand my demons is not for me nor my words to decide.

[lubosophy]

To keep still for long enough until I wonder if my movements will be of worth is daunting. Of some kind of utility that could be maximized at some certain point in life, where I could look back and think of the once aloof me that worried sick till heavy lids. 

Change is a storm, a heavy tide, a divorce, a death. To evolve without moving is a thought which keeps my eyelids open. 

It is almost amusing, if I could look past the astonishing irony, that it is the future that has abandoned me. 

[lubosophy]

I hope the dogs don't bark tonight. I always think it's mine.

Albert Camus, The Outsider

[lubosophy]

i. If joy was to be found in burnt lungs or flower petals, I’d let go of the cigarette end. I’d step on the weeds that produced the brightest gleam of my day. They had asked and I pondered for only what had felt like a true eternity, while my head rests on shoulders that remain forevermore indecisive, but learned that this eternity will last for this moment. 

ii. He’d said to let go of happiness is the way to trail back to it. What a discomforting thought. When I grasp as tightly as I can to my joy, beneath it lie my tenuous will, disgusting words culminating in rotting flesh and bones.

[lubosophy]

Why has misery become so liberating, empowered that it cultivates itself even in the presence of love? Why is glee, fleeting glee not enough to drown out every rust? I ponder on whether I could ever be as strong as the wrong I feel and the wrong I do. 

[lubosophy]

I keep tucked away little souls inside me. Some collected over the years. Some woven into the membranes from memory. Souls I could never materialize into physical form.

For what it's worth, the clouds can't scream, either. Limited to the darkness they bear, to only foreboding. 

I used to become hysterical over impending doom. If only my younger self learned of what it meant to anticipate emptiness.

[lubosophy]

Whatever bridges I had burned have its debris stuck inside every bone and along every vein and in all the cells.

[lubosophy]

How cigarettes and coffee have become palpable poetry of today

[lubosophy]

Visit Original Link

A Night In Tunisia

[lubosophy]

I long to find the differences in the realms of each individual. Human juxtapositions are non-aligned and every single person around me has embraced and danced with this reality. I remain questioning.