The Adventures of Lucille

Legit dating tales from a nice girl trapped in a ravenous mind, on a quest to see if the "one" truly does exist. All names changed.

[lucillelawlors]

The Artist Part 3

It’s been approximately 7 months since I became involved with The Artist. I became his muse and it’s been a wild emotional ride, one where he professes love to me but then snatches it away whenever we get too close. 

He has broken my heart numerous times due to his flighty nature and like the complete sensitive moron he brings out in me, I’ve not rebuffed him, yet tried to somehow make it work by detaching and keeping distance when we are together, hoping we can somehow foster a fulfilling intimate and creative relationship. 

He stormed off in a huff when he found out that I wrote more about him (he was aware of the first post with me actually reading it to him), refusing to make contact for over a week, despite me assuring him that I don’t use names and cloud other distinguishable details... 

Then we patched things up which included numerous nights while he was in between houses, including spending Xmas together, him painting me in the bathtub, with both of us saying this was the closest thing to a relationship that either of us had had in sometime... 

I helped him find a new house via my network of friends and felt like things were on the up... but he is a man who does not know how to tread within boundaries and once again, found himself without a home due to almost trashing his room due to his creative process.

I knew I needed to detox from him as ultimately, I wasn’t getting what I wanted and something about the man just reels me back in and makes me drop my guard, my vulnerability being what seemingly attracts him to me.  So a self imposed holiday to London to visit a friend was the perfect way to enforce time and space to get this addictive drug out of my system... 

[lucillelawlors]

The Artist Part 2

When I last posted about the Artist it was with hope that I would get to enjoy his company once more, little did I expect to hear from him just two nights later… We’re competing with writing erotic fantasies with one another with whomever writing the most creative tale having the other as some sort of sub. I do so love when another creative engages my mind….  

He invites me around to his studio once more and once again I can’t help but be drawn to him. I know he’s not in the right headspace for anything more yet… it’s as though we both can’t help but want one another in our lives, I seem to have a grounding effect on him and he unleashes my creative side. He’s painting like a mad man once more, the creativity seeping through his pores, he can’t resist but work. I lounge on his couch, chit chat to him and we make out adhoc, once again entangling ourselves in his bed. It’s another roleplay that gets made up on the spot, this one with him being a teacher and me playing the role of the naughty high school girl in detention.

He works while I snooze intermittently, waking up to coax him back to lay beside me. It feels organic and yet I know it’s most likely doomed, like a moth to the flame… The next day it’s my day off, but I want to make the most of it and I know as tempting as it is to stay with him that if I do, it will just be a repeat of last night so I reluctantly pull myself away and head home…

A few more days pass with more messaging before I receive messages from him imploring me to come round to help him sort through his chaos as regrettably he’s had to move from his studio. I can tell the prospect is very unsettling, no one likes to be forced to move let alone lose their creative space. I agree to head over with my best project manager head in tact. Once there, he tells me he’s procured some weed… this night just got more interesting… It makes us giddy and giggly and stupidly affectionate with one another… oh good.. more fuel for the fire with someone I know is not smart to fall for… While I’m trying to keep him focused on the task at hand, he is once again uncontrollably creating, giving me tasks to help with… which at this point having a huge amount of wet paint on the floor, I slip and get paint all over my jumper, top and stockings, him giving me a poncho of which underneath I’m wearing nothing but a bra… If you told me just hours earlier I’d be naked in a poncho making out with an artist I doubt I would have believed you… He warms up some water for me and helps me get the paint off my skin with things taking a more intimate turn once more… However back to the task at hand, I help him move his pieces and try to keep him on task, giving him just one rule: he needs to keep his hands clean (preventing him from doing more painting). This rule seems to work and he focuses on the task at hand.

Daylight comes around and while I’ve slept briefly it’s time to depart. I feel like he’s making me feel things, perhaps the first one who has since Jerky McCockface…. perhaps my icy heart isn’t so frozen afterall….  

[lucillelawlors]

A Girl Needs to Eat...

The last few days of emotional upheaval at the hands of the artist have taken their toll on my lady ego... My heart has been toyed with and no I'm not amused... On top of that my seduction mojo is feeling delicate and paired with what I would only describe as the girl equivalent of blue balls, I decide to call on a reliable friends with benefits... Enter Jim the rocker, a singer guitarist of a rock band. I have had previous dalliances with him and he's a sweet, genuine guy that acts respectfully whilst delivering the goods going to pound town, we just never had the deeper connection to become besotted with each other. Jim is free the following night after the artist headed home, with us both indulging in some suggestive chat the night before our meet, the man knows how to foreplay my mind... I tell him I'm particularly ravenous and this only encourages him further, this girl needs to have a man that wants to be devoured and to devour her back in return... Good man... 

He journeys to mine as he's keen to check out my new digs I've dubbed lady lair and has brought some green for good measure. We go and buy snacks, stopping to window shop furniture we can’t afford along the way and he's lively and energetic, staying with me while I cook some dumplings. We listen to tunes and discuss music at length, it's really quite a shame or vibe isn't deeper I'm thinking because he really is a decent dude that genuinely cares about others. We don't really have too much physical contact, not until we find our groove which usually happens during Netflix and chill. Bit by bit, we start to move towards one another as is our way and the man does know the power of touch. I can feel my lady mojo being restored by this, it's clear I haven't lost my seductive touch as I can feel him increasing the intensity of his touch with me of his own accord. Yes, this man wants me and yes, it's good to feel that post artist hangs. Things escalate in a very intense way, we never had bad sex mojo and I'd even go so far to say this is the hottest encounter I've had with Jim, verging on primal, losing ourselves. I'd say he outdid himself in the giving department and the intensity of the encounter has us both needing to cool down. We indulge in some more green and watch a Bowie doco whilst shamelessly sharing a small tub of ice cream, it's comfortable and now the shenanigans have appeased we are not as affectionate, it's like a switch going back to our comfortable hanging out vibe. I reflect a little and funnily Jim and I have been watching the same things and doing the same activities that I was doing with the artist, but it's like they've filled the gaps left by one another. The artist was all about affection, not wanting to venture into sexual territory, he gave me thinking space whereas Jim is all about the sexual intensity and being present in my space with seemingly more shared interests yet at times it can be a little much. Ahhhh if only I could make a perfect superman forging elements from the two! Jim and I sleep and again, not as affectionate as the artist which I knew would be the case, yet he has given me what I was wanting because in the morning, I once again feel sexually restored and ready to tackle a long awaited second date...

[lucillelawlors]

The Trombonist Part 1

On his online profile, Pete described himself as "kind, intelligent, country boy values. Dark blue eyes." Coming from a music background myself, I always find I connect well with the musical ones. After we matched, he sent me a message almost immediately "hey I'm new to this, I can't believe we just matched." Pete was definitely a want to meet in real life type guy, almost immediately asking if I'd like to meet for a coffee. Yes, ok then. We meet for coffee and I'm struck by his demeanor, he's direct yet thoughtful, I feel like Pete only says words that are worth saying. He tells me about how he's returned from Peru living at the base of a volcano and previously was living in Palestine, how both experiences had a profound effect on him. I definitely feel like he's a nomad of sorts, telling me he was currently house sitting in Sunbury, a suburb that is classified as practically regional. Pete is also into barefoot running, training to run a marathon barefoot and says that he's enjoying testing his body and understanding how it works. My my, he IS a thoughtful one. 

Our coffee date is brief but I definitely enjoyed his very interesting company and say very directly "here, have my number, I enjoyed our interesting conversation." To which he immediately calls me saying "and now you have mine". Indeed. It's maybe a few days later I get a message from Pete asking me what I'm up to sat night, I say that I currently don't have plans and he suggests that we do an anthropological study of nightlife in Sunbury, ha, of all places to spend a sat night but sure, he's interesting and it has piqued my curiosity. I jump on a train and venture out to see what awaits. He greets me in his stoic way, which makes him at times hard to read but I have a hunch that Pete wouldn't invite me here if he wasn't interested in spending time with me. Once again, the conversation is anything but dull, after doing a few circles of the place we find a bar that feels like a ski resort, lots of dark wood and from memory a stuffed animal head on the wall. We settle in with some beers and move onto scotch after. We are told the bar is about to shut (11pm in sunbury is closing time apparently) but get told of another place we can venture to. Upon getting there, it's a no from both of us and Pete suggests the idea of going to where he's house sitting as he not only has scotch but also has mini cigars. I do love a man that knows the way to my heart. 

Once there we cosy up to the heater and I look at his feet remarking they are well muscled, he asks to see mine and remarks they're not bad for someone that predominantly wears shoes and doesn't run barefoot. Ha ok. As he's really into massage and understanding which part of the body affects which, he asks if he can give me a massage. Ummm yes, scotch in hand, listening to classical music and getting a massage, I decide venturing to Sunbury was indeed a plan worth pursuing. His touch like him is thoughtful and measured, it's like he's exploring my body and deciding what needs attention. It's not overtly sexual mind you, although maybe he's testing to see how I respond to his touch and/or this is like a transition thing where he's seeing if he should make a move. Regardless it's divine and I'm simply enjoying his attentiveness. After what must be an hour I sit up, our faces just centimetres away from one another and then.... Pete makes his move, kissing me very softly his hand stroking my cheek, his touch soft and tender... Oh good lord... He announces he's tired which is understandable having just massaged me for an hour and says he wants to go to bed, I say to him that tonight even though I'll be in the same bed, no sex. I go to the bathroom and come back to his room and discover a naked Pete under the covers, before getting in wearing a slip I simply laugh but not in a condescending way.... We fool around but Pete is respectful of my wishes and we don't have sex, with him pronouncing I'm not yet ready for sleep, massaging me further. Good man. Upon waking the next day, there's a nice energy between us and he decides I need more massage between some morning fooling around but no sex... For some reason my phone alarm doesn't go off and it's with a frantic discovery I realize I may just miss my train back in time for work. Pete immediately runs out to the bus stop to check times for me and comes back to inform me there's a bus to the train station in 3 minutes and that he's asked a lady waiting there to hold the bus for me. Country values indeed. He comes out to the bus stop with me, kisses me goodbye and the older lady who so kindly agreed to hold the bus for me says to me "he's a good one that one, hold onto him." Noted.

[lucillelawlors]

Dancing on the Edge...

Every now and then there's that recognition when pursuing potentials of someone you've met in real life. This was the case with Jack. Jack was someone who I sold clothes to when working in a unisex clothing store, I have a very good memory when it comes to faces and recalled he was a contemporary dancer but back when I met him had a partner and young child in tow. Huh. I always found him to be very attractive so I was curious to see if we matched or not and..... Yes, the matching gods were indeed smiling down on me. I still decide to play coy, thinking I'll see if he makes the first move in starting a conversation with me and.... Yes, he promptly started messaging me. Huh. Because I'm big on transparency, I fessed up that we had already met in real life, saying where I had met him, recalling he liked these particular type of pants. He remarked that that's why I looked familiar. Now of course the test is to see if he wants to pursue this interaction with me further and.... Yes it would seem so, with him twisting my arm to get a late night drink with him and come on an adventure. He definitely appealed to both my love on spontaneity and surprise so as freezing as it was outside, I climbed out of bed and changed out of my robe into some warm clothes. We met just before 1am at this local lovingly kept dive bar. Upon seeing me, I felt his gaze hungrily take me in. We chit chat and catch up with what’s going on in our lives and he tells me he split from his ex a few months ago and now navigating this new phase of his life. We only had another 15 minutes before the bar would close so we opted to have a scotch (good man) and then a slow song came on that he insisted we dance to... Slow dancing in a dive bar... 10 points for romance... I definitely felt him pull me in a little more as we danced, so this along with his welcoming gaze told me that he was enjoying the time with me... 

In no time it was closing hour and both of us enjoying the conversation thus far, he said to me "I have a car, would you like to sit in it?" Hahaha sure... I knew him and trusted him and wanted to see what this adventure entailed. Plus the conversation was creatively stimulating so.... Yes. As he drove his hand found mine, him saying to me "it's really important to me that you don't feel uncomfortable so if at any time you do I'm really happy to drop you home." This only led to piquing my curiosity further... As we're en route, he started putting music on that he enjoyed, with me suggesting we take turns putting pieces on, each of us appreciating the choices of the other. Pulling up to a spot by the yarra, it is indeed a full moon, him asking me to take a stroll with him to view it. We braved the chill and went up to a platform together taking in the night view in the cold fresh air. Instinctively I felt his presence behind me, a precursor to his hands working up my the back of my thighs and his mouth on the back of my neck, leaning back into him to coax Jack to continue. “I’m enjoying discovering your body..” I hear him murmur and it’s very mutual, I know he’s fit and muscular under all those layers. I spin around to face him and his mouth crushes mine, it’s intoxicating under the moonlight “you’re very good at that” Jack says to me, I simply smile and continue kissing him as my response. With the chill getting the better of us, we head back to the warmth of the car, him holding my hand as we make our way back. 

Finally in the warmth of the car we pick up where we left off, with me kissing him as he reclines his seat back. “Why do I have a strong urge to spank you? Should I?” I laugh a little at that, I seem to be emitting some serious sub vibes which I’m enjoying exploring so I reply “I think you should.” feeling the light impact of his hand immediately against my butt. I laugh and it only urges him to spank me again, a little more forcefully this time. I notice his mood changes to more of a serious sensual tone as he whispers to me “Lie back, open your coat...” his hands moving across my breasts and making their way down south. Jack starts teasing me with his mouth while his hand continues to tease my crotch. “Spread your legs... wider....” I comply and savour the sensations he’s causing in me. He then informs me “You’re to tell me when you’re close... you’re not to come until I say so ok?” I nod, enjoying that he’s responsible for my pleasure. 

Over the next two hours, Jack holds me on the edge, stopping when I tell him I’m close, it’s a delicious tease that just goes on and on, him commanding me in between to go down on him while he continues to tease me. While being in the small space that is his car is a turn on, we finally decide to go back to mine, him commanding me to continue going down on him for most of the drive back. Once at mine, his teasing continues and then finally after what feels like an eternity he allows me to climax. The contradiction of Jack is that while he’s very much a dom, he’s also a very warm affectionate guy, him stroking my hair and holding me afterwards. I ask him “Are you always this way?” he replies “no, and not for a very long time, you bring something out in me.” I find this quite fascinating as it’s something that I have heard before. 

We snooze for a few hours and then stir sleepily, picking things up, a lovely way to arise for the day. He says to me his life is chaotic as he’s picking up the pieces and that he can’t make any promises and I assure him in return that I’m enjoying having interactions currently with interesting people like him which seems to make him feel at ease. We say goodbye and I hope that we get to pick up where we left off once again as it’s been one of the hottest encounters I’ve had for ahwile... 

[lucillelawlors]

The Artist, Part 1

I know, I know, I said I wouldn’t date artists after having a bad run with two (you can read about that here) but god damn my creative curiosity... 

I’m out with my friend awaiting my last date with Lovely Man when I start receiving interesting messages from an Artist I had matched with... I’m curious so I engage to see what his deal is...

He starts sending me a roleplay where he is a stepfather to a teenage girl that is seemingly trying to seduce him. I am someone who won’t shy away from taboo and he catches my attention with the balls that he’s displayed in sending me something so detailed... He also looks like a cuter younger version of Jemaine from flight of the conchords...

We talk some more and he tells me he’s exploring this subject matter for an upcoming exhibition as it relates to a situation he found himself in when he was younger and involved with an older woman who had two daughters, the older one acting in a provocative way but explains he never acted on any desire yet she haunts him, I feel like this is his way of processing this experience that left him so very confused... He tells me he put my name in his phone as stepdaughter as we’ve been exploring this taboo in our conversations. On a serious note, I just want to stress that this is never something that I’d subject a minor to, this is purely fantasy roleplay. 

He invites me to his studio out of which he both lives and works, the creative in me loves seeing someone else’s process so I’m relishing the aspect. I do inform him prior that I see this as purely one creative hanging out with another creative and that maybe if there’s a vibe we might make out. Upon meeting him I’m pleasantly surprised: he’s endearing in a soft spoken way yet he’s off beat and humourous. I feel at ease in his company and his studio habitat is one of beautiful creative chaos unfolding. He offers me what he’s drinking and asks if I’m hungry and promptly orders us a pizza, leaving me there while he picks it up sending me cute messages saying I’m a sweety and saying that I am how he imagined I would be, asking me in turn my thoughts on him, to which I say he’s endearing and funny. He comes back with the food goods and we sit around and chit chat and we have those lingering, unwavering stares going on folks. Vibe? Check. 

He starts painting and talking to me as he does so asking me questions about myself and shows me some pieces of his subject matter that he says he’s put me in, saying I’m an excellent muse. Now, while it’s a lovely idea to be someone’s muse, I’m also very wary of creative types growing bored with their muse so I am mindful of this. He relaxes every now and then on the couch with me and on one of these occasions I relax my head into him and he puts his arm around me. It’s nice, it’s organic and weirdly I feel that I get him. He has already alluded that he’s at a stage in his life at the moment where he’s processing some traumatic events and has said to me he needs to fix himself before he can embark on anything so maybe in a way this has taken the pressure off. 

We continue talking and during one of those unwavering bouts of eye contact he says to me “You’re giving me one of those looks...” I say yes, yes I am and then we finally kiss, his hand moving to my face tilting my chin, oh damn it, that’s my making out kryptonite... things turn unexpectedly heated and I decide that I want him, dismissing my earlier pretence as it just feels so right... He asks me “Do you want to move from the couch to my bed?” I nod and am happily led over to it. We ease into the initial roleplay and it’s very much a turn on to both of us, we seem naturally to fit intimately and everything he does feels so damn good. After he gets up to paint some more and I laze in his bed looking up at these two beautiful pieces above he that he’s painted, a rubinesque roman woman and a statue version of her. I then persuade him to get some sleep after an impromptu round two and I feel that the whole time I slept I was cradled into the nook of his chest and we didn’t stray. 

The next morning I quickly don my clothes and organise an uber home to get to work on time. I say to him it was a pleasantly unexpected evening to which he says “It sure was missy, let’s do this again soon?” Mmmmm most good... 

[lucillelawlors]

The Two Part Epiphany

Part 1: About 3 months ago I was laying in bed solo, tossing and turning. My active mind refusing to switch off, thinking about the various players in my dating game. All of a sudden I thought about myself, I thought about who I was and what I stood for and I felt an overwhelming love for myself. Not the egotistical feel of love for oneself, moreso the deep feeling of being satisfied with who I was and having a sense of respect for myself. Something interesting happened from this point... it was like I had turned a corner. I felt like I started to attract men who behaved well with their interactions with me, who despite the nature of the meeting be it dating or just a random encounter, acted respectfully and thoughtfully. I do believe this first epiphany somehow set the bar higher and since then, have had very meaningful connections with the various men in my life. 

Part 2: Just yesterday the second epiphany took place. I know I haven’t given too many updates on recent activities, there have been numerous and they shall come of course... but presently I am enjoying the company of 5 men in ongoing interactions. There’s the artist, Lovely Boy, the trombonist, the dancer and the newest addition being the graphic designer. Each one offers a unique interaction and it seems I have fallen into what can only be described as a non monogamous state of being. And yes, I know this is not a new concept by any means but the question has been hanging in my mind as to why I am doing this...

It occurred to me that being that I have come from two long committed relationships and two shorter ones that my current state of being is from a place of needing to explore things with different individuals. There are some commonalities I’ve identified such as all the men have creative aspects to them, they’re all passionate about what they do, they all behave in a decent way with others. Some know there are others, others haven’t asked, but all know until there’s any conversation they are free agents. The difference lies in who they are at their core. Essentially I feel like I’ve created mini worlds in which I dwell with each of them - some are more sexual/kink orientated, others are more warm and vanilla. There’s no complete stand outs, not just yet... The journey continues... 

[lucillelawlors]

Lovely Boy and Lovely Man part 4: an unexpected departure

It’s been a little over a week since I last saw Lovely Man because of him being sick and having a very hectic week at work. I definitely felt his activity had diminished but as to why... it was hard to say... but what I did know was that our next encounter would reveal all. I decided to coyly suggest that I was after another date by messaging him “So is it my turn to see when you’re free?” and got a very prompt reply suggesting 2 nights time for another shared film at mine.

I was having a quick catch up drink with a friend and told him to meet me where I was with her, saying she was leaving shortly. When Lovely Man arrived, he seemed completely unperturbed by this, being lovely and charming meeting her as she was departing. We settled down for a drink and caught up as the last time we saw each other was just a bit over a week ago. Throughout all of our dates, there was something about Lovely Man that I couldn’t put my finger on... it felt like he was all the things expected but was it just for show? There were a few things going on in my life such as being unexpectedly in a position to look for a new place to live which was definitely causing some unexpected stress so perhaps he was weighing up if I was someone worth his time in dating or seeing how I handled said stress... or maybe he was realising the romantic notion of dating a creative person wasn’t as interesting as he anticipated..

Regardless, we go back to mine, settle in for my choice of film Rocky Horror Picture Show which having just seen the musical version of it, I had an intense hankering to watch..

So we settle in and it’s mainly me chortling along to the camp antics of the movie, he seems to also be enjoying it and right on cue as soon as Janet’s Song “T-t-t-t-touch me” starts... well it’s seemingly a case of life imitating art...

Now one rule that mostly applies is that if making out is good, then what comes after usually is also.. however this was now our third trip to poundtown and hmmmm I was still struggling to get the groove, I have no doubt that he sensed this on his end also. The movie finishes and he is so beat from the week that he falls asleep momentarily... awwww poor Lovely Man... then when he wakes he says he should head but I sense something... it’s like he doesn’t want to be there with me anymore, curious... Gradually our end of the nights have been getting earlier and earlier, perhaps this is indicative of something deeper...

The next day I decide to send a message saying that it was nice that he made time to see me after he had such a nuts week and... radio silence. Ok... it ticks over to a few days, then a week... Being a seasoned dater with some scar tissue I wasn’t overly fazed but at the same time felt just a bit disappointed after him saying how it’s all about clear communication that he simply let things drop off after 5 dates... Yet I also know if I go hunting an explanation it’s not like to change anything and I am truthfully glad that I held my emotions in check. Good work Lucille, maybe you’re getting better at this afterall....

Lovely Boy then spontaneously gets in touch saying that he’ll be paying me a visit exactly a week after lovely man’s last date. I’m chuffed because, well, I enjoy Lovely Boy’s company and find it very easy to chill with him which is exactly what I have on the cards for that night. We hatch a plan to get pizza and watch Chopper because god damn, I’ve had a hankering to watch that also... The dude abides he replies.

It’s a nice relaxed evening and he’s always fun, but I do feel with him I’m lacking a deeper connection... I help myself to a course of Lovely Boy’s perfect peen and yes, it’s good... but I can’t help feeling it’s akin to eating bangers and mash when what I’m really craving is a medium rare porterhouse... I dissect why I feel this way, deciding that it’s in relation to two new pieces on the board: the artist and the barefoot marathon trombone player... TBC...

[lucillelawlors]

Lovely Boy and Lovely Man Part 3

It’s not easy dating two men, especially when both are just so damn lovely (why oh why dating gods would you give me both at once?!). So far both have their pro’s and con’s but with so many varied pro’s of each it’s making it a very enjoyable experience...  To catch up, read part 1 here and part 2 here...

So Lovely Man is taking a lot of initiative with scheduling dates and I’m touched by his affection, his messages (even though he says he’s not big into messaging he still makes the effort) and his thoughtfulness.

Lovely boy is also keeping me in the loop whilst he’s ill and keeps saying how much he wish he could visit me. So very very lovely...

It’s coffee date day and lovely man has made time in his work schedule to meet me. Again, I’m really touched by how much he’s making me a priority. Upon meeting me, he embraces me and kisses me passionately on the street. We make our way to coffee and once again he’s very affectionate. I’ve had some house drama that day where I’ve just found out I’m going to have to move and I find he’s a calming influence on me saying “I don’t envy you kiddo, but it will all be alright.” We brunch and coffee and then I suggest as it’s such a nice day we go to a park close by, mainly because I want to make out with him again... As we drive there, he has his hand on my leg the whole time and we make out on a park bench with him needing to ahhhh... adjust in order to be decent in public...

He drops me back to my area and asks me when we’re hanging out again, I play a bit coy and say “I don’t know, when are we hanging out?” to which he suggests the next evening, wow, he IS a keen one...

The next day arrives and I’ve awoken with every woman’s date nightmare: a delightful yeast infection.. no no no! I message him and disclose as nicely as possible the circumstances as we both want to watch our favourite films together, he can’t believe I haven’t seen the Princess Bride so that’s the first one on the cards. I say it’s his call if he still wants to keep the date but that my nether parts are out of action. Lovely man says of course he wants to keep the date and that these things can’t be helped. Good man.

I pick up a cheese antipasto spread for our movie viewing and can’t help feel some butterflies just before he arrives... keep it together Lucille... He arrives and there’s always a bit of an adjustment where we settle into our groove but Seinfeld is playing and as we’re both fans, it’s a good little ice breaker into the evening. Unlike tas-man, I find his affection just right, perfect even. We settle into the film and he is quoting a few lines here and there which I find endearing. Despite my circumstances I have a huge desire to be naked next to him and perhaps not so subtly suggest we do this, him stripping down to his underpants and me keeping my pants on. What happens next is such a tease, in my head I’m cursing my body and trying to see it as an extended entree to keep my sanity. Of course I’m happy to indulge him and as I do, he moans “oh babe... oh Lucille..” there is something infinitely hot when a guy uses your name...

He says to me “are you sure I can’t do anything for you?” and I say no, I’m way too irritated at the moment but that everything he’s doing with his touch and caresses are just perfect. We talk more, discovering once again more of each others backstories and I feel like he’s quantifying me as it’s something that I often do myself with men that I’m seeing. I’m adamant that he won’t be so sleep deprived, so at 2:30am he heads home this time not making another date time straight away, hmmm...

The next night I get an unexpected message from Lovely Boy, who tells me he’s just around the corner from me, asking if I’d like to come out for a nightcap. I’m totally beat and my lady parts are still afflicted so once again I say that I’m out of action but that if he wants to to hang out he’s welcome to come round as I’ve already showered and in my robe. He says that yes he’d be keen to hang out and comes around, asking me if I’d like him to pick up anything, I say no I’m ok yet he still brings me a krispy kreme donut, awww... lovely boy... He’s very affectionate and his magnificent peen is quite the tease, however part of me is thinking that I wish it was Lovely Man laying beside me in his place... however we settle in and sleep comfortably. The next day I mention to him casually that a good friend is up from Tasmania and we’re all going out and that it will be a fun night that he’s welcome to join. Lovely Boy is happy to do so and takes me out to a very popular local place for dinner, treating me to an amazing meal before we head out... and then next part is where things become very interesting....

I worded him up prior that the catalyst will be in attendance and it’s not the first time my catalyst has met a guy that I’m dating and it hasn’t been awkward either. Lovely Boy is a secure guy and he’s not fazed so a good night is on the cards. We go to a gig out together with my circle of friends and in the courtyard Lovely Boy gets approached by a guy who offers to sell him a bag of shrooms. Ha, ok. Most of my friends are quite straight laced but my catalyst is not so the three of us partake in the bag of goodies together. It gets to the point in the evening where the three of us are the last ones standing and the two guys are getting along famously, interesting...

With all the places closed, the three of us head back to mine as I know there is a bottle of prosecco hanging about. We crack it open and the shrooms are definitely kicking in at this stage. While Lovely Boy goes to the bathroom, my catalyst turns to me and starts kissing me rather passionately. Huh. Then as lovely boy comes back I nicely break away, as I’m honestly not sure how he’d react. The idea of watching some cool images takes hold and we retreat to my bedroom to watch The Fifth Element. It’s the three of us, with myself in the middle, lying back on my bed and both boys are stroking my hands. I know it can’t go further as taunting as the aspect is because, afflicted lady parts, curse you body! So instead we drift off to sleep as it’s now around 5am, but I am in and out of sleep and awake to being kissed by my catalyst which I happily reciprocate for about an hour before he decides to make tracks, some things never change... to be continued....

[lucillelawlors]

Lovely Boy and Lovely Man part 2

So when we last left, the dating gods had decided to make it rain with two lovely dates: Lovely Boy and Lovely Man (you can catch up here). 

After a steamy late night make out session with lovely man on our first date, I was looking forward to our follow up date, a drink out with dinner at mine. What struck me with lovely man was how affectionate he was, immediately putting his hand on the small of my back as we walked to the bar for a drink, both being fans of a whiskey cocktail. Post cocktail, lovely man grabbing a nice bottle of red to match a bolognaise that I was cooking for an entire day, (served with lashings of parmesan naturally) making a cute little dig at me, commenting “would you like some bolognaise with your parmesan?”. The delicious dinner was matched by food for thought conversation, with me enjoying the complexity of lovely man’s mind. I suggested after dinner that we sojourn to a more comfortable part of my abode, which as it turns out is my bedroom due to my bohemian living set up. 

For a little while the talk continued, however it was clear we were both very keen to pick up with from the end of our last date, now that the constraints of making out in a car were no longer limitations... It was just as good if not better now that we both had free reign, with both of us knowing where the evening would inevitably lead.. True to his word, lovely man was intent on teasing me with his touch: his hands, his mouth, telling me to tell him what I liked as he made his way south... It was a very passionate experience with him kissing almost every inch of me, when I asked if I could do something for him, he simply said “no” and continued languidly.. 

Our evening was one of talk and passion and it’s an overall very good starting point, both of us basking in the company of one another and finding more things out about our pasts, with me sharing the good and the bad, him commenting that some men will always be boys... Talking to such a level headed pragmatic man, he just became more attractive to me... I confessed he was the first solo dad I had ever dated and asked how that generally works, to which he said “I’m not looking for someone for my kids, I’m looking for someone for me. Generally there’s no set road map but if something is going to be longer than 6 months then yes, I’ll introduce that person to my kids, but it’s important that I show them stable relationships and not just fleeting ones.” Everything seems so very transparent, so well thought out and considered and it just makes me respect him even more for balancing all the aspects of his life. We both realise that somehow it’s 4:30am, tomorrow might just hurt from a sleep deficit.. just a bit... 

Lovely man reluctantly departs and tells me to message him when I wake up. I wake up at the late hour of 10:30 and touch base, with him confiding that he still hasn’t showered and slept through to 9am, dropping the kids late to school, oh I have a touch of the guilty feels knowing that.. He then makes a date a coffee date for wed, 2 days later and yes, I do feel like I’m dating a man, one that is self assured and completely honest. Huh. 

As for lovely boy, he’s come down with something from his nieces and nephews, but continues to message me to keep me in the loop saying how much he wishes he could visit... Oh lovely boy... to be continued... 

[lucillelawlors]

In Praise of Good Humans

Sometimes it’s easy to get jaded in the crazy world of modern dating which is why... it’s good to hold onto some good experiences.  Enter Greg, a bearded creative type who’s outlets were writing and music. We started chatting late one evening and while it was civil there was definitely some flirt talk going down about how damn good making out is. Before I knew it we had set up a date for the next night. 

I get to my regular first date haunt and find he has an irish accent, hot damn! The conversation rolls easily and he’s quite witty, all very good things. We discover a mutual love of the new star trek movies and decide to go to his to watch it. As I drop off my bike and mine, we opt to catch an uber and it’s at this point Greg says “Ok so I’m just going to kiss you now..” I guess all that making out talk paid off.... 

We both genuinely thought that we were going to his to watch the movie, however when we got to Greg’s place and settled on the couch, things took a very heated turn... Cue a very heated making out session, with Greg and I grinding up against each other which ultimately leads to him asking if we should relocate to his lovely king size bed... indeed, I would like that.... 

Following my gut instinct, I broke my rule of no poundtown on the first date and what followed was some of the best primal sex I have had, both seemingly completely in sync with one another... god damn... The ultimate test of how good a human someone is I think is how they are the morning after. For example if your paramour exudes signs of a personality transplant post coitus, you know that perhaps your choice was an ill made one however this was certainly not the case with Greg who came out and bought me a coffee before I departed for my day.

Post first date, Greg and I had some relaxed banter with each other, it was nice, it was respectful and we both conceded that we did not expect the shenanigans that went down but were both glad that they did. We started casually hanging out with one another, sometimes we would just stay in, other times it involved eating steak and smashing down some pints, he being irish and myself having an eastern european background, this went swimmingly well, our rapport being very easy and comfortable with one another. After about 3 weeks, Greg took the initiative to have a version of the relaxed chat, saying he was enjoying my company and that he is cautious but that we’ll both know when something turns more serious between us. Good man! 

Something however was looming on the horizon, being that Greg’s future in the country was in the balance with the visa gods... He had put in his paperwork and was not sure if it would be granted and was very open and communicative with how it was affecting being around others. I felt that he was slowly retreating, but it was understandable and at no point did I feel any promises were made. He finally heard back from the powers that be and... was granted a visa that would not allow him to work. Balls. Greg being ever the pragmatic guy said that we should stop before we get in too deep and I agreed, he offered to meet in a few weeks as a friend should I be open to that and of course, I most certainly was as I enjoyed his company even from a purely platonic point of view. 

Post few weeks, we caught up weekly and I won’t deny at times there were some slip ups such as post concert where we were enjoying the beers a bit too much and oh whoops! I feel on Greg’s cock. But there was always understanding and complete honesty that was hugely appreciated. Greg was also a delightful stand in man post the shenanigans of Jerky McCockface at my birthday drinks, good man Greg! 

To this day, Greg and I still talk most days from across the globe and he is the only guy I’ve dated that knows about this blog. Ladies, there are more Greg’s out there which I know I am personally very thankful for, in praise of good humans indeed. 

[lucillelawlors]

A Tale in Progress: Lovely Boy and Lovely Man part 1

Sometimes the dating gods bestow their love upon you, but in true “What is this?” form, when it rains, it god damn pours.... 

Enter Lovely boy. A lovely bearded man with an olive complexion who had a creative side whilst living in an unconventional way, working only when he needed to as a contractor. I like those that walk to the beat of their own drum considering I walk the road less travelled and after a very energetic exchange, was rather flattered when he offered to brave over 2 hours of public transport to have a drink with me that night. Part of me though was cautious, I mean it seemed unlikely he’d be going back considering our meet up time was 9pm... I asked him bluntly and he replied that he’d simply get a room somewhere Happy with that, we continued messaging until we meet up, discovering we liked many of the same things. 

Both avid whiskey drinkers, I recommended one of my favourite haunts in the city finding the music level perfect for spirited conversation, with the painting of Bill Murray nursing a whiskey like some sort of dating blessing. Lovely boy was a very energetic, lively individual which I appreciate yet he was also quite thoughtful aswell which is always a good balance to strike. He was also very upfront about that he had a mental health condition that he managed, which I always respect when individuals know and choose to manage it. We opted for a bar change for the rooftop variety and our enjoyable night took a more enjoyable turn when he kissed me: lovely boy kisses were also quite lovely. We stay til close and choose to go to the loving embrace of Old Bar for more drinking goodness and making out shenanigans and then eventually... my place. 

Really good debut sex is practically like lightening striking, you never know when it’s going to happen or who it will happen with. Lovely boy was a most pleasant surprise that had me thinking “this boy may just have the perfect peen!”, coupled with his touch, his moves, well... regardless to say the next day I did something incredibly uncharacteristic: I offered that he could stay a second night. Normally I’m very protective of my space yet with Lovely boy, I didn’t mind him being in it. Huh. He comments that he’s not normally so affectionate which is strange how it mirrors my feelings... We have another charming evening together having dinner out and then back to mine to make sure the last 24 hours wasn’t a fluke and no, it was not. Lovely boy, the next day headed back to what is practically the country and I might have missed him a little bit, maybe.. 

Then two days later, a message from Lovely Boy asking me how I would feel if he paid me a visit the following night. I replied I certainly would not protest, a little bit happy for this unexpected visit. We chatted late into the night and formulated a plan to watch two cult films we enjoyed, a great plan in theory however once in each others company, the overpowering sexual chemistry took hold once again. What followed was a delightful 24 hours, involving uber eats, another film, more shenanigans, sleep, the banh mi to end all banh mi and then more shenanigans... there was just one catch: I had organised a date the following night so a two night date was definitely not on the cards... Lovely Boy would need to go bye bye... I say that I’m going to an art opening which is true and that after I need to do some work so a two night date is off the cards this time, he is super understanding and internally these are my feels:

We part and I feel confident we’ll be hanging out again especially when he sends me a sweet text with a link to a song that he says reminds him of our time together, oh Lovely Boy, you are so very lovely... Despite the sweet overtures, I opt to remain vigilant and not be carried away...

So I depart for my date after the art opening to meet Lovely Man, who is a touch older than me and has been upfront that he’s a single dad with a bit of a brood however I’ve had some really interesting deep conversations with him that I’ve enjoyed thoroughly so I’m keen to see who he is in the real world. Lovely Man is also a whiskey fan and we meet at quite a lovely whiskey bar in my hood. I message him en route saying that I hope there’s food there as I haven’t eaten. He arrives just a touch after me and I can tell straight away there is a rapport between us. Lovely Man suggests we go somewhere for food even though he’s already eaten and we settle somewhere close for a pizza that we share. Lovely Man is very well spoken, intelligent and has a quiet wit to him that I find very charming, he strikes me as being someone very comfortable in himself, which is supremely attractive. He’s thoughtful and asks honest yet well worded questions of me to discover who I am. 

We head to the whiskey bar and I have probably the best old fashioned I have ever partaken in. We chat openly about dating and there’s a bit of flirting going on, with him admitting that I’m more level headed in real life than he anticipated for someone that works in a creative field. It’s a very delightful evening overall, with him telling me that he absolutely must drive me home as a courtesy. I certainly don’t get any creep vibes from him so I accept. He pulls up to my place and stops the car, releasing the seat belt which I’m quite happy with as I take it as a sign of perhaps a good night kiss. Lovely Man says he’s had a very enjoyable evening with me and wants to see me again, suggesting either Sun or Mon night. I concur and say that I should be able to make one of those a reality and then... the lean over from him and the kiss.... Lovely Man kisses very tenderly yet throughout the night he has said to me some telling things that suggest he may be the dominant man as far as intimate things fall which is a prospect that I relish.. So I stop mid kiss and say “Why do I get the feeling that you’re somewhat a dominant type?” The face he makes is a knowing one and he replies “Well... I can be, but I’m the kind of dominant where I will endlessly tease and tease you...” Oh. Good. Lord. 

Our makeout session intensifies, quite literally steaming up the car windows, at one point his hand wanders a bit too far on the inside of my thigh and I coyly hold it back, this is not going there tonight I’ve already decided... He tells me he’s been wanting to kiss me ever since his second drink and between kisses says the sweetest things to me, practically poetic which makes me melt just a touch... I’m mindful that he needs to work the next day earlier than I so after what feels like quite a while, I say to him that I should let him off the hook, and we realise we’ve been making out for almost 3 hours... Huh. Lovely Man says that he’s all about organic flow and let’s just see where this takes us, which is my terminology echoing back at me, I agree wholeheartedly. We say goodnight and I tell him that I’ll let him know re Sunday or Monday. 

I awake the next day to find that he sent me a message when he got home thanking me for an incredible night and that he can’t wait to see me again... Careful, I chide myself, this is one I could lose my head over... I let him know Sunday is a go-er and offer to cook him dinner which he says is a wonderful idea... to be continued.... 

[lucillelawlors]

Lucille Makes a Friend

Every now and then I come across someone where it’s a unique meeting of the minds.. Enter Shane. 

Shane on his dating profile seemed non vanilla and interesting with his painted nails and interesting non vanilla body art, immediately I was curious to know more.... We matched and started exchanging messages, Shane being very forthright with sharing exactly what his situation was: he was a married father of three boys, he and his wife had agreed upon becoming polyamorous, also telling me he was currently watching project runway while drinking wine and eating cheese, oh good lord, be still my beating heart... 

If there’s one thing that’s truly alluring, it’s someone being completely down the line with me. Shane asked me what I was up to that night and in the interest of transparency, I fessed up and told him I was going on a date. Shane’s curiosity was piqued, asking if he was cute, I replied I think so???? The flirt fest continued right up to the point where I met my date, who was running almost an hour late, thankfully he gave me a heads up an hour prior. All the while joking with Shane that I’d make my date Jake buy me an old fashioned instead of my regular gin and tonic. 

My date Jake finally shows up and he’s an intense sort of chap, immediately reminding me of Iggy Pop circa late 70′s. 

Jake is very lean, very agitated and doesn’t really make much eye contact with me. He kinda apologises but then kinda doesn’t saying he’s always disorganised and generally running late. Ok.... He asks me what I’d like to drink and while I playfully said to Shane I’d make him get me an old fashioned, I just can’t bring myself to ask for what will probably be a $22 drink, so gin and tonic it is, using the opportunity to quickly message Shane and tell him that my date is awkward weird, Shane firing back that maybe he’ll have a decent dick. Ha! 

Jake gets down to business, firing away questions to find out who I am and what I’m about, he’s definitely got an intensity and seems past that an ok kind of guy but I’m calling it straight away, no vibe. He tells me he doesn’t drink and I don’t mind someone who doesn’t drink but it’s like he’s so taught and wound up he’s going to somehow implode at any minute... 

I finish my drink and he tells me he’s keen to go somewhere that has coffee and wants to grab some food, there’s a pizza place across the road and so we head in there. Jake is certainly a very chatty guy, immediately making friends with the pizza guy and offering me some of his pizza, but I decline as may have eaten a lot of pizza the night prior (you might say inhaled)... He then launches into a story about how he used to work at a pizza place and how the vegetable slicer didn’t have a finger guard on it and how he was planning on cutting his little finger off to make a tidy 12K. Oh. God. Cue me and the pizza guy exchanging some knowing looks.... 

Jake finishes his pizza and then we go in search of coffee, hitting up 7/11 for a caffeine fix. We have a bit more chat, him continuing to dart here and there with his conversation erratically and then abruptly he says to me “sorry I think I’m beat, I didn’t sleep at all last night. I can give you a ride home if you like?” I’m not getting a sex pest vibe from him as odd as he might be and it’s 11pm at this stage, so I take him up on his offer. 

Jake gives me an awkward hug and I get back to messaging Shane, who shares with me his insta account if I want to look at more photos, I decide to follow suit and say he can stalk me on my facebook, with him sending me a facebook request. We flirt some more, with me saying he looks dishy and him calling me a pretty lady... I give him the lowdown on my date and while we’ve agreed to have a drink on Friday night, he asks me to have lunch with him tomorrow as he says I’m fun to chat with, it’s a day off so I happily oblige. 

We flirt for a little longer, but it’s almost 1am and we both say that we have lunch dates tomorrow (with each other of course!) so manyana.... 

Lunch date arrives and we meet, Shane is indeed the same as his pics and I feel very relaxed with him. We try a popular dumpling place first but it’s so popular there is no service, we just walk out after 10 minutes of waiting and trying to rouse someone. Then we settle at another known place, despite him being a vegetarian, him telling me he’ll happily live vicariously through me eating meat. Oh, this is good! Shane is direct asking me how I feel about poly and what my stance is to which I tell him I’m enjoying meeting different people and going with the flow. We then exchange some dating stories and our vibe... I’m uncertain. What I do know is that I enjoy his company and I know he won’t bullshit me, so 50 points Shane. 

Shane has to run back to the office so we walk back there together and Shane is honest and upfront saying to me “I think I’d like to keep things as friends, I enjoy our messaging” and in this crazy world of modern dating, it’s nice to make a male counterpart friend to unpack and unload with. 

[lucillelawlors]

In Praise of the Anti-Chat

The chat: a conversation that’s usually had approx 2-3 months into dating that designed to outline some sort of commitment. So what’s the anti-chat? Essentially, the polar opposite, where it’s had before anything happens and it’s about the opposite of commitment when in the situation of connecting not specifically with one person. 

Enter Wolfman Wayne, a rugged bearded man with an artistic side. Our messaging was addictive and it was plain to see there was a vibe between us. The same day we started messaging, a date was set for two nights later, with him asking me what kind of food i liked/didn’t like so he could pick a place for dinner, how very sweet.... 

I arrive at drinks and I can sense a vibe between us, most good. He informed me he’d started a tab at the bar and that he booked a table for us at a restaurant down the road in an hours time, I was touched by his old school chivalry. Dinner was spectacular and as it wasn’t cheap, I offered to chip in, but he refused saying he picked the place and I could just buy him a drink. Who is this man???? 

We head back to the original bar, delve further into some very honest conversations over a few more beers and negroni’s. While Wolfman Wayne is yet to make a move, I know from the little bits of touch here and there that it seems to be progressing down that path. The bar closes and he says to me “As I see it, we have three options: 1) we say we had a lovely night and call it 2) we find another bar 3) I have some wine at my place.” I surmise that I’m not ready to call it a night and that at this point of 11.30pm on a sunday night in brunswick there may not be many places open that how about we go to his and play youtube DJ and share more wine. He obliges and calls an uber. 

It’s at this point on a cold chilly night that I make my lady move, saying I’m cold and asking him to give me some warmth which he happily complies with. Then the gazing up into his eyes and cue..... making out, in fact very, very good making out. He’s very gentle, very sweet and knows exactly how to touch and where, not being a lech and going straight for the erogenous zones. Well done Wolfman, you know how to make a woman swoon. 

We get to his and the oh so good pashfest continues for quite sometime... standing at first, then with me sitting on a stool until he asks if I would like to go to his bedroom. I agree and find his abode to be very eclectic and give him some kudos points for having his own style. We sit on his bed and continue our make out sesh, stopping for some wine every now and then and it’s at one of these breaks that I pluck up my courage and use my adulting skills to have the anti-chat, which goes something like this:

Me: Hey so before anything happens with going further, I’m really enjoying tonight with you and I want you to know I’m enjoying connecting with different people. I don’t hold back and I want you to know that just because I’m enjoying myself with you, sex to me does not necessarily equate to attachment. And if I text you it’s because I enjoy texting you and not because I’m trying to pin you down, cool?

Him: Oh my god! I’m so glad you said that! I’m a really affectionate guy and in the past it’s gotten me into trouble. You’re one cool babe!

So with knowing where we stand, we go back into things and shenanigans ensue.... 

The next morning, he’s once again really sweet and affectionate, it’s like melty material and there’s a kind of round two. I’m enjoying the comfort from his touch and knowing where I stand with him. He asks me what my plans are for the day and I tell him I’m working at 12 and he says he’ll make some coffee for us and asks me if I like poached eggs. Huh. He comes back in and gets out of his robe saying he can wear his own comfy clothes and for me to wear his robe and slippers... so breakfast, the donning of a robe... I honestly forgot guys like this existed! 

I get up, and find him preparing this lovely breakfast in the kitchen, complete with coffee, poached eggs on toast with avocado, coconut water complete with affectionate embraces. We eat, drink, chat lazily and then I say I should get a tram home however Wolfman has other plans, calling me an uber instead. 

Wolfman Wayne, what a champ! And yes, to be continued.... 

[lucillelawlors]

Never Call a Girl Crazy

Sometimes an encounter will come into your life, shake you to your core and then leave you feeling like “oh god, what WAS that?” and the German was exactly that. 

I seemingly attract these intense dudes, that are bowled over by who I am and what I’ve done and the German was no exception. It all started with some messaging, the banter was insanely decent, agreeing to meet for a drink 2 days later. Then as we continued to chat, we agreed to meet that night instead, with me taking a bit on a punt of the lad by agreeing to meet him at his, ensuring I had a friend who knew where I was going. 

So I get to his and we settle in with a few drinks, he’s very interested in my creative past, admiring my orchestral background and proclaiming he wants to take me to many orchestral concerts. I feel at ease and relaxed, the online chemistry is flowing over to real life and the german is practically swooning over me with mucho compliments. Good Good.

We eventually retreat from the balcony to the couch and that’s when he makes his move and god damn, the dude can pash! Things get pretty heated very quickly and next minute we find ourselves in poundtown, me breaking my usual rule... It’s certainly not bad for a first foray with him exclaiming that he wants to make me praise any gods that I worship from his skills. Big words those... 

We awake and he’s been a lovely spoon, finding ourselves sleepily stirring and re-hashing our activities from the evening past. I’m fortunate to have a day off whereas he has to go into work so we both dress and converse a bit, with him saying to me “promise me this isn’t just a one night stand.” and I honestly answer back that no, I don’t view it that way because he is an interesting person that I could spend more time with, easily. 

We continue with messages, both enthused about the night prior and decide to keep our initial drink date which falls on tomorrow eve. That night I keep my date with the Slovenian and go to a free MSO concert in the park, while the Slovenian was very amorous during our first date, he’s in a bit of a mood and I feel like it’s not going to go anywhere so after the concert, I cheekily message the german because he lives right near the concert venue. He says he’s in bed and I take that as a “not tonight” then discovering later it was more of a “I would be quite partial to round two.” Dang. 

The next day is our original first-date date and I receive a message from him saying he needs to cancel because his friend’s just broken up with his girlfriend. I say no problem and that I’d be in touch with him later. I do find it disconcerting that no rescheduled date has been mentioned and later I hint that I’d like to know when to which he says “we’ll work something out”. Huh. 

The next night I’m out and he messages me asking where I’m at, because he and his friend from the night prior want to go out and they want to know if I’m with a bunch of people. I say that yes, I am but not sure how long they’ll all be out for. He then tells me that they’re staying at his and that I’m welcome to come round. I figure sure, why not and tell him I’ll jump in an uber and head to his. I get to his apartment and start ringing the intercom. And it rings for quite a while. Hmmm. I try again figuring they may be on the balcony with the door shut. Nada. I call him, hoping he has his phone on him. It rings out. I mean I just spent $20 on an uber fare so I kinda want it to not be in vain. I ring the intercom again and finally, someone answers only... it’s not him. It’s his housemate and I can clearly tell I’ve woken him up. I feel pretty awful. He tells me the german and his friend have gone out and he doesn’t know where. At this stage, I’m quite annoyed so I try to call the german once more just to see on the off chance IF he’s close by. It rings and goes to voicemail. I give up, organise an uber home and message him as civilly as possible saying that I’ve gone home as went to his and found he wasn’t there. He FINALLY messages me back saying he hadn’t seen the messages saying I was going to come round and that he’s really sorry. I say it’s ok, not to worry. 

The next day it’s all a bit quiet and I just figure he’s busy so I just do my own thing and don’t pay it much heed. Then when I hear nothing the following day, I start to wonder... I message him asking how he is and discover that he’s nursing a grudge about the other night. Huh. He said that my behaviour was alarming, that I would simply come round. I remind him that it was he who invited me, that I didn’t simply take it upon myself to rock up. Apparently I should have waited for him to confirm this was ok. Huh. Then he says my constant ringing of the buzzer and calling him was alarming behaviour, I explain I had just paid for an uber and didn’t want my trip to be in vain but apparently he still views me as being in the wrong. Huh. I decide to change tactics and say something like “I think we just had a misunderstanding #ipromiseimnotcrazy” to lighten the vibe and such. It backfires, BADLY. He writes “I’m sure you’re not but it’s my experience that the crazy ones always say they’re not crazy”. You. Have. Got. To. Be. KIDDING. 

I remind him that I was the one who just paid close to $50 in uber fares, told him that I was very very chill about it on the night, yet... he still maintains that I am in the wrong and apparently he is so alarmed by my behaviour that despite all the amazing things he liked about me and saying how I was like a diamond in a sea of coal (true story!) that the misunderstanding eclipses all. Just wow. See, now I’m mad. I’m mad that 1) he’s called me crazy 2) that he takes NO responsibility for the communication breakdown 3) that he’s simply so damn dismissive! I hammer in my disbelief to him about all of those things and still he cannot see it any other way than his current viewpoint. Huh. So we go our separate ways and yes, the German is still on the dating platform, most likely due to his insane standards...

[lucillelawlors]

Crossing the Tas-Man

Recently, I went to Tasmania for an arts festival and holy moly, I feel for my sister tasmanians as on my usual dating apps it was a veritable desert of men... I’m talking 8 matches for all of Hobart. This led me to cross over to the last dating app frontier... Tinder. I only started using it on my last 2 days and started chatting to a native Tas-man. I do have quite the chat skills so I seemingly beguiled him and without any prompting, 1 day after leaving he had informed me he scored a cheap flight to Melbourne in... 2 days time! I was flattered and a bit nervous, I’d never met him yet here he was doing this complete leap of faith. He assured me he’d book into a hostel not far from me to take the pressure off, which somewhat relaxed me. 

Now I have to disclose one very important detail: I was somewhat pent up and feeling quite ravenous at this point, so as long as he was a decent guy, I was keen to go to poundtown with him. So we meet and he’s a sweet guy, bit of a dork but I decide I can work with this. I suggest we get a pizza and watch a movie at mine and Tas-Man is happy to oblige. He’s pretty affectionate which is sweet and before long we’re doing the wild thing and overall I’m very impressed with his skills, the seemingly quiet polite guy is quite the sexual fiend. He asks if he can stay and I’d feel pretty bad sending him out into the cold so I say sure, he can stay. 

Next night we hang out again as he’s here for three nights and the affection he’s showing me starts to feel... well intense. We watch a movie at mine, I opted for one of the greatest girl films of all time, bridesmaids, which he’s happy to watch. My lady parts are a little tender so he opts to go down on me which I do not mind. Then afterwards he says something to me that stops me in my tracks “I don’t know where this is leading but I’m enjoying the intensity.” Oh no... no, no, no.... That said coupled with overwhelming affection leaves me feeling somewhat freaked out, I’m starting to feel that he’s feeling things, things that I’m not feeling. 

I flash back to the scene in bridesmaids where Jon Hamm’s character says to the main character after hooking up “I really want to ask you to leave but don’t know how to say it without sounding like a dick” oh god, the struggle is real.... I use my adulting skills and say to him “Hey, I’m enjoying spending time with you but not used to having someone in my space so much, because I want to enjoy hanging out with you tomorrow night, would you mind spending tonight at the hostel?” He says he understands yet I still feel like a bad person as only half an hour ago I was practically straddling his face... 

The next night Tas-Man says he’ll buy me dinner, which is lovely and god knows after my trip this girl is hoarding her pennies. We go back to mine and I put on a comedy series we both enjoy, knowing he flies out relatively early the next morning. In a way I’m using it as distraction yet he is smothering me with affection, I figure I’ll welcome his inner sex fiend as the first time was quality. This time round, his inner sex fiend is set to shock, he asks me during sex to tell him about another guy I slept with, ummmmm I honestly don’t know how to answer this so I say that I once had a threesome... then he asks me “have you ever cheated on a boyfriend? did it make you feel naughty?” I reply only once and only making out and say that I did it because I was unhappy (probably not the hot as hell answer he was anticipating). After, Tas-Man is once again super affectionate, I feel smothered, it’s practically death by big spoon he’s leaning into me so intensely and once again says how much he’s enjoying the intensity, showering me with little kisses and constantly caressing hands. I say I’m feeling too warm and ask for some room which he obliges thankfully, finally falling asleep an hour later, knowing that very soon I’ll have my complete freedom once again. 

I’m hoping that in the morning his alarm will go off at 6:45 and he’ll get dressed and depart. The reality is he wakes up 20 mins before his alarm and decides he wants to be affectionate. Ugh, I don’t want this yet I absolutely do not want to be a bitch so I endure and say to him “hey if I wake up too much I won’t get back to sleep again” as a nice way of saying “back the fuck off” yet he doesn’t get this! He continues the caressing and kissing saying he just needs a bit more before he leaves. The minutes tick away super slowly as I lay there and wait for his alarm to go off and once it finally goes off, instead of getting up, he continues! Finally, he makes a move and I’m feeling relieved, sweet sweet freedom! Crossing the Tas-man, what a crazy ride....

[lucillelawlors]

The Tale of Jerky McCockface A.K.A. The Dude who Broke Up with me 3 Days before my Birthday

Sometimes in life shit happens, and sometimes stuff happens that makes you think “that has completely lowered the bar, I will happily take all the other crap than handle this shitful event”. This tale was truly one of those things. 

Enter Peter. A dude that seemingly had a social conscience who worked in left leaning politics. Peter and I had immediate online banter chemistry, the same day we started chatting flowed into going out for a spontaneous drink at around midnight. Peter was my type: tall, bearded, solid, off beat hilarious sense of humour and god damn, we just clicked. After an hour in, the pash session commenced and continued, in the bar, in another bar, on the street, sitting on the grass... we just couldn’t get enough of each other. I inform him of my 1st date rule being no poundtown and he respects that, telling me at about 4am I should send him home in a cab, him getting my number before we part ways and messaging me immediately saying “that was diabolical”. 

I had one of those sleeps where I hardly slept but didn’t feel tired, the buzz from the date energizing me and then awake at 7.30am. I see his text and reply back about how it was a pretty amazing night, our back and forth continues until I suggest that we pretend we didn’t go home to our respective places and go out for brunch, he wholeheartedly agrees immediately asking when and where. Our pashfest continues, in the streets, in shops, in the cafe and it seems kinda rosy... yet he pulls away when I go to hold his hand saying, “that’s couple territory”. I respect that and we continue having a great date together and then knowing it’s no longer the first date, have some of the most surprising first time sex, he has a huge thing for going down on women and I certainly do not protest and am definitely not let down by his skills. We depart and not long after we’re at our different evening activities, I hear from him saying how good all of the day was and how he wants to do it all again, soon. We make a date to eat steak the next night and just before we’re meant to meet, I say I’m with a friend and he asks if I’d like him to meet them and I’m thinking “wow, dude is KEEN!” 

So for the record, that’s 3 dates in 3 days. Texting right after we depart. Keen to meet my friends. We continue seeing each other 2-3 times in a week with the sex just getting stupidly better, we discover we love the same music, uncannily both loving the Diana Ross song “chain reaction”, dancing to it together in my kitchen. Then at the two week point, he asks me if I’m still chatting with other guys as so far he hasn’t been chatting with other girls since we’ve been seeing each other. I say no, I haven’t felt the need because I’m enjoying his company. This to me is like a mini version of “the talk” minus an actual status label being used. Our messages are constant, he calls me beautiful all the time and is super supportive of everything I do in my career. 

At our next date, I mention I’m going to a party in his hood and if he felt like it he was welcome to join me. I notice a change in his vibe straightaway, he mentions something like “I might know people” and “I might not know anyone” and “maybe ask me on the day and I might say yes”. After this date, the messages slow down and on the day I message him with a cute as fuck photo of myself in the 20′s theme and yet.... crickets. I go to the party, try to have a good time but feel like something is off, my mood is crashing brutally fast... I message him and say “for the record, I’m happy going to this solo” and yet... nada. I drink... I drink a LOT and before I know it I’m dishing my conundrum to the sisterhood there, one asks to see a pic which I oblige and bingo, she went on a date with him ages ago, saying “oh he’s a really nice guy!” so I take this as a good sign. 

The next day I’m woefully hungover, I vaguely recall kissing a girl with blue hair at the party, discover my wallet is missing and $300 is missing from my bank account... I beg a friend who lives locally to buy me and pie and bring it to me as getting out of bed is just something I cannot handle. Emotional drinking, a very very bad idea... And all because the guy I fell for is dishing out the radio silence. Next day I go to the gym, I train and I get mad. I’m not going to stand for this behaviour and send him a message with as much restraint as I can muster saying “hey, I don’t know if the whole come to the party thing has freaked you out but I’d rather know what’s going on ok?” and within 30 mins I hear from him, saying that yes, he’s freaking out about how fast it’s all going and can we just slow things down. I oblige because I really like this guy and I don’t want him to feel uncomfortable. We chill, I let him set the pace but notice immediately the messages don’t have that easy flow to them as they used to and he’s not so affectionate towards me anymore. This is really playing with my head because.... I have fallen in love with him, but I tell myself to be respectful of his feelings. 

We continue to date and get some of the vibe back, seeing each other 1-2 times a week. It’s around just after 2 months that I feel things are stagnant, mainly as we always do the same things with each other. I’m also dubious that the game is always played at mine and never at his, I don’t feel like he’s got anything to hide and when I have asked he says it’s because I live centrally to where we go out and that he’d need to fumigate his room it just feels like he’s happy to come into my world but keep his own barriers up. So I attempt to have some sort of conversation saying that I like him, I don’t want to put a label on things but would like to know there’s scope for growth. He says to me that we have a good connection, he likes spending time with me and that we definitely have a thing going on. And that he’d like to have more of a conversation about this in future. In my mind, these are the words of someone who is into it just wanting to be cautious. 

It’s now one week before my birthday. I hint that I’d like to spend my birthday with him and let him know that yes I’ve organised on another night to have drinks with friends and that he’s welcome to come but not obliged to. Peter says he thinks he has a work thing on the night of my birthday but that he’d let me know by the next day. The next day comes and goes. No messages. The following day I enquire, he says that yes he has a work thing on and I playfully say to him to feel free to do something around my birthday. Then comes the beginning of the fall, he says that he feels like we’re in different places with expectations and that puts us in a weird spot. We decide to talk in person a few days later, I’m optimistic we can find a middle ground from what he said at our last “chat”.

Amusingly I have lost my voice right before we have this talk, so that’s a fun element to throw in the mix! I start by clarifying that I’m not after a label, I just want to let things flow and feel that things are stagnant so how about we mix things up... He agrees and then says “I don’t think I want that.... I don’t think I want this...” I’m confused, so very confused and remind him that only 4 days ago he said that we had a good connection, that he enjoys spending time with me and that we have a “thing” going on. He doesn’t really comment on that but says he doesn’t want to do this anymore. I feel like I’ve been mortally wounded, I don’t know what to say or rather barely manage to whisper because no voice. I then get angry and sit there in shock and anger. I feel like I’ve been misled, that I’ve been at the mercy of his indecision and have bowed to his whims with his constant changing of pace. And I am a woman royally scorned.  

That night I demand more answers, his replies are sheepish and they really do not give me much more closure other than that he’s not sure what he wants. I say to him “you will always be the guy who broke up with me 3 days before my birthday.” 

So in closing, I’m grateful that I know that I have it in me to fall in love again but maybe best not to break up with someone mere days from their birthday if you’d like to avoid forever being “that guy” or have your name changed in my phone to “Jerky McCockface”...