Welcome to the Wonderful World of High School
Here at High School, we offer a lovely setting for your dreams to die in! We are isĀ Ā #1 in sports, but itās also #1 in mental breakdowns per year! Have you ever wanted to pull an all nighter but just couldnāt find a reason to? Well, now you have an excuse, since here at High School, we make sure you can stay up until the crack of dawn to finish your homework. Wow! As an added bonus, the homework that your teacher will never read and will probably spill their Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Lattes on will count as a whopping 25% of your overall grade! If Marley and Me didnāt make you shed a tear, then constantly checking grades that change more often Kylie Jennerās face will certainly do the job. For a really good sob, check your grades from the class with the teacher who spends the entire period telling their life story and then testing you on topics that they never taught you.Ā Ā Youāll want to Whip and Nae Nae yourself right out of a second story window! And donāt forget to check your grades from the teacher who grades your assignments before theyāre even complete if you want to cry for even longer than when you finished The Fault in Our Stars. Those grades. You have to love them.Ā Ā
Canāt afford a trip around the world? Well, look no further, since here at High Scool you can travel between classrooms that are colder than Antarctica and others that are hotter than Mexico in the middle of the summer! Wow, two in one! Prepare to be taken back to your childhood when the stampede that killed Mufasa tramples you in the halls while youāre trying to get to your next class! For horror fans and anyone else looking for a nice scare, try any of our luxurious bathrooms, especially the ones in the locker room. The mold, bugs and even the smell of death itself create an atmosphere that not even the best horror movie can match; and you get to experience the thrills every day! What a bargain! If those donāt give you a nice scare, then you must be tougher than trying to figure out why anyone would marry Honey Boo Booās mother!
Ever wished you were in Kindergarten again? Well, nowās your chance, asĀ Ā as you can play with hula-hoops and run while holding hands in gym class! Anyone who is interested in astronomy can now rejoice, as you can look up and see the stars when you have to wake up at unholy hours to catch the bus! How educational! Those looking for back problems will also find something to love at High School, as they can carry around bags filled with textbooks that weigh more than Peter Griffin! If youāre looking for some disappointment, youāve found it here! Nothing will make you more miserable than the people you work on group projects with. Theyāll offer so much disappointment that we might as well offer an option to contact those people to lower you into your grave so they can let you down one last time!
Canāt afford to go to the gym? Now you can get your daily dose of fitness in by running to all of your classes that are all in different parts of the school! Feel your soul being crushed in new ways as your teachers scream at you for falling asleep in their class after you got three hours of sleep because you were up doing homework! To top it all off, the upperclassmen will hate you more than they hate Iggy Azalea just because you are younger than them! However, none of this matters because the muffins in the cafeteria are the size of Kanye Westās ego and we have tons of school spirit!
