the truth is hard to swallow

✧ ✷ ✩ L U C I F E R ✩ ✷ ✧ {Selective Indie SPN RP Blog}

[lucivcr]

gavricl:

Gabriel didn’t want Lucifer to retreat either, and it sadden them to watch as the other moved back. They weren’t going to actually do anything to stop it. They were both too proud and too caught up in their own feelings to take the chance.

Mostly Gabriel just wanted Lucifer to hold them. Or to go back to the time when Lucifer would always hold them. When things were certain and right and good. When they would have followed Lucifer anywhere. Before the idea of being truly afraid had ever even crossed their mind.

Now they were so broken down even Lucifer could send terror running through them. Now they could stand right in front of each other like this and still be a million miles apart. Gabriel hated everything about this. Then again, Gabriel had hated everything about most of their existence for a long time. They were just particularly good at hiding it.

Still, even with all of that taken into account, Gabriel believed that it was worth trying, and they knew that eventually one of them would have to bite the bullet. They extended their hand out to Lucifer wordlessly. Even for someone so found of speaking it didn’t feel right. There were no words, and even if there had been Gabriel didn’t think they needed them.

Lucifer hesitated for a long moment when Gabriel reached out, but at their core they were a selfish creature. If you gave the devil an inch, you had to know they would take a mile.

A gentle smile flashed across Lucifer’s face, which was the only warning they gave before grabbing the proffered hand by the wrist and pulling Gabriel forward. They wrapped their arms around their baby sibling and held them close.

Gabriel would always feel small to Lucifer, no matter their vessel’s size. The archangels had come into existence fully formed but... incomplete. God hadn’t taken the time to notice, always busy as he was with the next big project, but Lucifer had been there from the beginning. That was always their role: to do what their father wouldn’t. To be what their father wasn’t.

And well... if they were being honest, God was never much of a father at all.

Lucifer stroked a hand through Gabriel’s hair and held them tighter. Softly, they said, “I hope you realize I’m never letting you out of my sight again.”

[lucivcr]

xragaire:

“The last thing I would ever believe is that you’re an idiot.”  Gabriel said plainly, ignoring what Lucifer said after that and exhaling a sigh instead.  It pained her, not being able to talk to Lucifer about what bothered her - but she didn’t exactly trust them with much anymore. 

“I can make it so we’re undetected in this world.  I was able to hide from the Heavenly Host as long as I was for a reason.  Michael won’t have a chance of finding us while we get the ingredients.  After that, we just…get the ingredients and go.  It’s not like we have much of a choice now do we?”  The younger archangel just shrugged.

Lucifer made a loud noise of exasperation--in part to cover any evidence of the genuine concern they were feeling. They wished Gabriel would just spit whatever it was out already, but, well... it wasn’t like they could really blame her. There was too much standing between them now to be broken through in a day. Especially a day like this.

“You have a lot of Grace to spare, then?” they asked. “Because I for one am not eager to drain my essence while I’m still weakened from Michael just to throw myself back on the mercy of a group of overhyped gorillas who’ve been quite clear about their intentions to see me dead. Or worse.”

Lucifer wanted to ask why Gabriel wasted her time with them anyway, but they thought better of it when they remembered a similar conversation some years ago, and its... less than ideal conclusion.

[lucivcr]

gavricl:

Anxiety hit Gabriel like a tidal wave as Lucifer’s patience appeared to wear thin. They swallowed hard and tried to will themselves to say anything to deflect and redirect, but much to their frustration words wouldnt come.

Gabriel did their best to keep their outward appearance calm, but they had no doubt that Lucifer would end up noticing the way they couldnt keep their eyes from darting back and forth from their clinched fists.

Gabriel knew Lucifer would never hurt them, not for real. Still, it was hard not to flash back to the image of Lucifer stabbing them in that hotel. Even knowing that it was just an illusion. Even knowing that Lucifer knew it was too. It still hurt, it was still burned into their memory.

Eventually, Gabriel remembered everything they stood for and re-steeled theirself. Immediately they shot Lucifer an annoyed look. “It’s my life. I’ll lie if i want to.”

Lucifer froze as they noted the signs of panic in their sibling’s demeanor. Anger slowly ebbed into guilt, which was a feeling Lucifer had never quite grown accustomed to and certainly had no taste for. Few beings in all creation could bring it out in them. (Fewer still that Lucifer would allow to survive the exercise.)

They forced themself to relax and pulled back, away from Gabriel. Lucifer could give them space, if that was what they needed. Even if it was the last thing Lucifer wanted right now. They’d managed it before, after all. 

All that mattered was Gabriel’s safety. Lucifer couldn’t allow Gabriel to run from them again.

“Of course,” they said. “It’s your life. You can do whatever you want.”

They fought the urge to ask forgiveness. They weren’t that low yet, and... maybe a small part of them felt it wouldn’t be completely fair to request. They had let down the one person they’d always tried to protect, all the way back to a time before time, in the worst way possible. Lucifer was certainly never going to forgive themself--why should Gabriel?

[lucivcr]

xragaire:

“You know what they say - if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.  And Mike was always easier to fool.”  Gabriel deadpanned, getting everything set up and then taking a seat with a sigh - only to shoot her sibling a look.

“Still did better than your punk ass, now didn’t I?”  A casual side-step away from explaining why she was so low on grace and energy, she just leaned back on her palms.  “We gotta figure out how to get back.  I am not sticking around for dictator!Michael to fuck up our shit again.”

Lucifer crossed their arms. “You’re right, Michael’s an idiot. But I’m not, no matter what you’re trying to believe.” They studied Gabriel for a long moment. It was clear she was depleted, and that was no small thing. Worse was the fact that she obviously still hadn’t recovered from it. It took a lot to keep an archangel down for this long. Gabriel must have gone through...

Lucifer grimaced as they felt certain unwelcome emotions begin to creep back in. “We all know my excuse, sis. What’s yours?”

But if Gabriel didn’t want to talk about it, fine. Lucifer wouldn’t make her. It wasn’t their problem anyway. Getting home, on the other hand, definitely was. “Well, I’m sure I can manage the kindergarten witchcraft required to execute the spell to cross over, but then there’s the small matter of the ingredients, isn’t there?”

[lucivcr]

gavricl:

“Oh no. I’ve learned from my mistakes, now I direct all cataclysm related messages straight to spam.” Gabriel couldn’t help the smile that spread across their lips as Lucifer played along and showed even a hint of amusement. “Well, if anyone else knew anything they wouldn’t say that. Unfortunately, no one else does.”

It was quickly becoming obvious that navigating out of this emotional territory wasn’t going to be so easy as cracking a few jokes to distract them both. Oh well, they had certainly tried, and they would give themselves a solid C minus for effort.

Gabriel didn’t move as Lucifer reached for them. In fact they acted as if they didn’t even notice them moving at all. They knew it would be easier that way, and it did save thm from having to be embarrassed and disappointed when Lucifer retreated.

“I’m fine,” Gabriel corrected probably a little too quickly. “It’s fine.” 

Lucifer fixed Gabriel with a skeptical look as they withdrew, worry and dismay warring inside them. They hated that it had come to this. There was once a time when Gabriel told Lucifer everything.

There was also once a time when demons knew their place. There was once a time when no one in creation would dare to hurt Lucifer’s family. There was a time when they were whole.

It seemed those times had past.

Lucifer’s hands curled into fists, and they bit their teeth against the wave of anger that crashed over them like a hurricane. Their rage would burn on for millennia, but it was too big for this. There would be time for the light-bringer’s wrath later, when Gabriel wasn’t in front of them. In need.

“Don’t lie to me, Gabriel,” Lucifer said, measuring each word carefully. “It doesn’t matter what your time whiled away with the mortals and monsters has taught you. That may work fine for them, but I see right through you. As you said, no one else knows the two of us like we do.”

[allurfavesrtrans-a-deactivated2]

[ @lucivcr ]

Michael had always been easier to trick and it seemed this universe’s Michael was no exception.  Making him think he’d killed her, she shielded herself from his view and then teleported Lucifer away from him because honestly?  She needed her sibling alive if she was going to have any shot at getting back to the proper universe in question.  And also they were still siblings but like hell was she going to admit that as a reason for making sure Lucifer didn’t die.

Saying no words to Lucifer, she set about shielding an area for their camp so Michael would never be able to see them and then looked at Lucifer.  “We’re invisible if we’re in the bounds of this camp.”  It hadn’t entirely processed in her head just yet that Lucifer might have legitimately believed she was dead.  Still annoyed with them anyway, she didn’t decide to put proper thought into it either.

[lucivcr]

Lucifer gathered themself to the best of their temporarily impaired abilities and glared at Gabriel.

“You, little sister,” they said, “have got to learn some new tricks.”

Lucifer was reluctant to admit even to themself how terrified they had been for Gabriel, in that briefest instant before they realized her ploy. The surge of warmth and pride they felt when they looked at her was equally unspeakable. They tilted their head and settled into a more comfortable attitude as they watched her work on establishing protections around the area.

“Not quite at your best today, are you?”

[lucivcr]

gavricl:

“Oh are we having feelings today?” Gabriel pulled out their phone and opened their calendar app. “I don’t have any feelings scheduled until next Thursday, actually.” They turned their phone around to show Lucifer the newly created appointment. It was entirely unnecessary, they knew this, but true emotional repression could only come from true commitment to the bit. “You did… you probably did… the best you could have. Not that I care.”

“You didn’t get the memo? We had to bump the tearful family reunion forward to make time next week for our annual cataclysm.” Lucifer rolled their eyes, but they allowed a tinge of amusement to creep into their voice. “Really, Gabriel. And they call me dishonest. I know how you love your jokes, but you can’t fool me.”

They paused. As much as Lucifer liked to believe themself infallible, they weren’t quite omniscient. Or omnipotent. Yet. 

The problem was, Gabriel mattered too much. It might be enough to make a lesser angel anxious. These were higher stakes than Lucifer had played for in a long time; it was so much simpler when all that they were risking was control of heaven and hell or the fate of all creation.

They reached out to take Gabriel’s hand but pulled back just short of touching them, uncertain how the contact would be received. 

“I know you’re hurting,” Lucifer said. “I’m sorry.”

[lucivcr]

@gavricl continued from here

Lucifer smiled sadly. “Oh, I suppose I could have done better,” they said. “But they turned out pretty great, despite my... failings.” 

The last word left a bitter taste in their vessel’s mouth, but Lucifer could swallow their pride that much, at least. For Gabriel. When they were alone like this.

[lucivcr]

Test test test test test

test

Test (ignore oscar isaac i felt rly lazy)