This line echoes through my brain. But what happens when someone you love shows you that they are indeed able to change? When all the little problems you had before vanish into oblivion as the both of you mature. But then comes the moment when the change is a pivotal point, and at that moment all progress vanishes.
What are you supposed to think or feel, when the same exact mistake to a T, repeats itself months later. When an issue, prior discussed and settled, arrises again? With self reflection, I managed to avoid repeating mistakes I made in the past; I didn’t react impulsively. I put my hurt aside for him not to have the birthday I had. And where did that get me? Innocent of bloodshed, my hands clean of blood, but still accused of the crime. Made out to be the villain in the story, the maleficent.
When you dig into the backstory, Maleficent’s acts were all based on the trauma of heartbreak and betrayal. She sacrificed a part of her, her identity was cut off for the price of glory and praise. So how could anyone blame her for wanting retribution?
For once, I took a play from the Count of Monte Cristo, swallowing my hurt and looking at the longterm plan. Yes, the story is one of later vengeance, but it is also a story of learning how to live with the enemy. But who is the enemy in this tale? Who is the villain?
They say that inevitably, in someone’s story you are bound to be the villain. As per usual, in his mother’s eyes it is me, because her child could do no wrong. An enchantment of a mother’s love. In his eyes I’m sure I am as well, as this enchantment travels through bloodlines. And in mine, he is. But the question stands, objectively, who is cast in this role? If this story was recounted by a narrator, sitting comfortably in his chair, reading the tale of our story, who would he describe as “vile” and who will he describe as “good”. Furthermore, in this tale written with black ink, is this another chapter, an obstacle like the forrest of thorns? Or is it the conclusion set in place for the reader to have closure?
I guess a keen reader would detect the hypocrisy of this tale. What would have happened if the roles were reversed? A devastating aftermath. We could all benefit from putting ourselves in someone’s shoes in order to understand better. This takes self awareness however, a quality he seemingly does not possess.
What does it mean when you see your loved one suffer, to the point of trying to catch air between avalanches of tears, and do not try to avoid a repetition. Does it mean that you do not love that person, despite the words that you say? Does it mean that you love yourself more? Or is it a lack of understanding simply?
So many questions but no answers.
Furthermore, a question arrises, what is one willing to sacrifice for a happy end? Especially when that ending isn’t hypothetical, but already present? An old friend told me once, “you are worth every sacrifice in the world, because if he knows you he would be aware of the fact that you would do nothing shy of the same when it came down to it. So the fear of gambling with every chip is absent as the house would never win”.
Is every relationship a gambling game? A game of chance, will it workout or not? If not, it would be another heartbreak, in some people’s mind, more time lost with the right person. Another emotional scar to resurface in the next relationship, baggage, that may cause issues with an innocent person. If it works out, what then? You live joyfully with a person calling you their other half, and you realize all the hardships were well worth the reward. The difficulty with this train of thought is that we do not know the outcome. It could go either way. The house always wins yes, but are you the house or the poker player? An identity crisis like no other which determines if you end up happy or shattered. Is it worth the gamble?
What is the best approach? Self reflection which can be the escape plan out of the victim game? A conversation involving both parties, factual and straight in pursuit of a solution? A game of chicken and a game of revenge? Estrangement?
The decision of the approach entirely relies on the wanted result, but what happens when the two tango dancers want different results?
