AWAKE

No one can tell what goes on in between the person you were and the person you become. No one can chart that blue and lonely section of hell. There are no maps of the change. You just come out the other side. Or you don't. mumu indie rp.

[holocrone]

[luckyhqs]

peachyuus‌:

His sudden change of demeanor made her hopeful, but hope couldn’t cure the aching in her chest. Hope wasn’t enough to mend her heart that had been torn apart. While it may offer some comfort, she knew things could never go back to how they were. Even if he stayed, even if she managed to convince him to keep trying, there would always be a part of her that wondered. There would always be a little voice in the back of her mind reminding her that he was ready to leave her so easily. 

In the midst of her shock and anger, Jisook had failed to realize that this entire thing must be breaking his heart as well. Although it seemed like he was fully determined to leave and never look back, perhaps it wasn’t really the case. If he was scared and that fear was the thing driving him to walk away from everything they had, then surely this wasn’t en easy choice. But neither was staying. Staying would be hard and facing the thing that scared him most would be difficult to endure, but wouldn’t it be better than running? Jisook thought so, but she also knew that not everyone was as bold as she was.

The look of anguish on her features dissipates into an expression of longing. She wants to reach out and pull him close. She wants to press her body into his until they meld together and become one. She wants to ask him not to leave and she wants everything to be okay. But they can’t be. Not everything is rainbows and sunsets and Jisook knows this as well. Love wasn’t as simple and lovely as it was in movies. Sometimes love was hard and grueling work. But at the end of the day, Jisook could look into his eyes and know that there was a perfect little spot for him in her heart. 

“Are you listening to yourself?” Although the tears still fall from her eyes, a laugh slips past her lips. It’s sad and full of amusement. If anyone could make her feel bad for being too great, it was him. As perfect as she tried to be for him, and as tough as she tried to pretend to be, it would never be enough. Not for him. Not for her. Not for anyone. “We’re in this together, Hyuk. That’s what a relationship means. No matter how hard things get o-or.. or how dark the world becomes, as long as we’re together, we can survive.”

With quivering fingers, she reaches out and grasps the first part of him that she can reach. Her fingers clench and she holds onto him with dear life. Because she wants to show him that love is worth the pain and that things can be okay, but words can’t always be enough. She can make promises until her heart gives out, but there’s no knowing what the future holds. What she is sure of, though, is that she would fight for him until her last day if he let her. Even if the world was falling down around them, Jisook would help him build his life back up from the rubble. “It’s us against the world. I won’t let you fight your demons alone. You shouldn’t have to..” 

    no matter how many times jisook utters the words ‘in this together’ or any variant of the words, hyuk cannot seem to grasp there meaning as easily. he’s heard them countless times, and always ended with less that desirable results. he stopped believing it long ago. what was the use in believing in words that could just so easily be taken back? he realizes that could go the same for him saying he loves her, not wanting to hurt her. he could just as easily take them back, or go against them by leaving. but  he wasn’t going to hurt her, or ever take his words back. ever.

a hand moves from one cheek, to the small over her back and holding her close; his other still resting on her cheek and gently wiping away her tears s they fell. the result of his words slowly set in, looking at her so close and hearing her soft words. his heart ached, and his stomach twisted into a knot. as strong as she was, and wanted to put up this even stronger front -- not only for herself, but for everyone else -- hyuk knew she was just as human as everyone. maybe the best kind of human, in his eyes. she felt things immensely and no doubt did he just break her heart. how could he do this? to her? and how could he be okay with himself for doing this? 

“i’m listening to myself.. i..” hyuk trained off with a faint breathless chuckle leaving his lips. he was just running in circles with his excuses and worries. they were all very real and things he couldn’t so easily get over or understand himself. he barely understood himself, or why this was the way he chose to cope. it was tiring, exhausting. his strong front was crumbling, and for once he was letting his guard down; almost visibly showing just how tired he was of running, allowing himself to soften in her grasp.

“i can’t let you fix me.. i can’t let you be brought down by me.” he almost mumbles, trailing off, locking his gaze with jisook’s. hyuk didn’t know how to not run. but if it meant he didn’t break the one heart he didn’t want to break any further.. he was surrendering. “i fuck up. i am a cosmic mess. i run, i hurt people without meaning to, i mess up --” he pauses, clearing his throat; not even realizing the fact he was almost close to tearing up. “b-but, i can’t leave you.” the words were a whisper, vulnerable truth dripping off them. 

he didn’t want to leave her, or their relationship behind like it never happened. not even when he was thinking and had ll the intentions to leave. had he, he would’ve never forget her words of fighting for him to stay, haunting him like a ghost. illogical, he thought it would be best; he always did. was it? he never really knew. he just knew right now, he was scared and not leaving. he’d never allowed himself to fall for someone as deep as he has with jisook, much less stay with someone this long. he stopped counting how long it had been just to mentally prepare for the worse of him running. but he wasn’t going to leave, no matter how much he was scared. not now, not her.

[luckyhqs]

i’m honestly too lazy to edit html and put up a stats page for my boy hyuk.. so, that may take a while. but if you want a discord thread with any of my babes, feel free to hmu @ honeyhq#0839 or if you want a closed thread here pls lmk !

[luckyhqs]

peachyuus‌:

His words hit her like a ton of bricks, his question weighing her down until she feels as though her knees may crumble under the weight. Her heart was shattering to pieces and he was packing them into a bag with his things. He was ready to walk out on her and leave her here, empty and hollow and wondering what went wrong. He was willing to throw it all away and she couldn’t fix it.

“You don’t think I’m scared?” As soft as she wants to be, as much as she wants to cry and beg for him to stay, it isn’t Jisook. She isn’t the type to get on her knees and ask for things. She isn’t the type of person to run from anything. She is the type of girl to face the bull in the eye, no matter the cost. And as gentle and loving as she wants to be— because, god, does she love him— all she can manage is anger and spite.

“This isn’t easy for me, either, Hyuk. I’ve never done this before.” She gestures to the room around them. “Any of this. I’m clueless and it’s scary, but it’s all worth it because I know at the end of a hard day I can come home and know I’m loved.” Jisook tried to blink away the new wave of tears, but the swelling in her chest is so strong, so powerful that it can’t be stopped. The tidal wave inside her bones can’t be tamed and the tears spill out.

“Or at least I thought it was worth it.” She drops her hands back down to her sides in a look of defeat. “But I guess I was the only one.”

As the world, her world, falls to pieces around her, Jisook finds herself becoming more and more breathless. The ache in her chest was constricting and her muscles were tensed. He wasn’t the only one suffering. He wasn’t the only one afraid of the feelings, so then why did he get to run from it?

“What do you do?” She lets out a dry laugh. “Stay, Hyuk. Fight. Fight for me. Fight for us.” Finally, her words wind down into what sounds like a plea. She won’t beg. She won’t force him to stay if he wants to leave, but she can’t stand by and watch him go without saying her piece. She can still try to change his mind. If there was any part of him that loved her at all, then maybe she could convince him to stay. For her. “Don’t run from it. It’s scary, I know it is. It’s.. It’s all fucking terrifying. But isn’t it worth fighting for? Aren’t I worth fighting for?”

    the words were like a slap to the face, knocking all the air from his lungs: ‘you don’t think i’m scared?”. of course, logically, he thought of that. just as much as it was scary for him, it had to be for he,r too, maybe even more. it was exactly what he needed to hear, completely shifting his thought process around. if he thought his head was spinning before, now there was nothing to compare to. 

jisook’s words left hyuk paralyzed from realization and pain. he had done this so many times, too many to count, running whenever he was frightened. never once thinking twice if he should stay or if he were being right or wrong. yet, this one time and this one person, seemed to slam the sense into him, and he felt his world slowly crumbling. although he knew it was possibly no where near what she was going through or feeling. no competition; he had the habit of breaking things, and people were no exception. ‘ it’s all worth it because I know at the end of a hard day I can come home and know I’m loved. Or at least I thought it was worth it.  But I guess I was the only one. ’

stepping close, hands shaking and not sure what to do, bringing them up to her face but not  quite touching her cheeks, hyuk let her words soak in. his eyes took in her features, swallowing his own pride. if there was any room for honesty, now was the time.. right? “don’t you ever second guess yourself.” his words were firm, voice solid and so full of everything he has always been too scared to fully show.

“you are too great to do that. even if i am such a damn asshole.” hyuk’s words were harsh, but the truth; he was an asshole, especially right now. “I.. I love you, you know that?” he breathed with a chuckle, unable to believe those words were leaving his lips. in all his years on earth, he’s never said that to anyone but family. and that made it all the worse for what he has done and said. he cupped her cheeks with shaky hands, swiping his thumbs against her cheeks. “you’re worth fighting for.. but i am so broken, jisook. i don’t want to taint your view on the world or your heart with my darkened self. if i stay, still battling myself, i don’t want you to be brought down.. by me. and that’s why i run before anything.” 

[luckyhqs]

( OPEN STARTER; M, F, NB ) 

    “hey, i’m so sorry i’m late. ” KJ’s voice was soft, slipping into the seat across from the other. his appearance was less than bright, although he was grinning with bright eyes. that could only be blamed on his lack of sleep and seemingly endless hours of work. ever since he took up a job for a wedding, he had been spreading himself thin. partially because of his own perfectionist personality, and partiality because to the of the bride-to-be. he was tired. 

“i’m sorry i haven’t called or messaged you back soon enough.. i just. this job just sucks, and i’m drowning in photos that i think are good but the couple i’m working for, hate.” he mumbled, shaking his head and grabbing the spare menu off the table. he felt awful for standing the other up countless times. for putting off their meetings off. and now that he had time, the guilt manifested tenfold and he felt embarrassed and incredibly shy. yet, he would do anything to make up for it. “i’m sorry - no excuses. i’m free now and you have all of my attention.” he says with a small smile, the dimple on his cheek showing. “how are you? are you okay?” 

[luckyhqs]

peachyuus‌:

“Don’t give me that bullshit.” She spat the words through her teeth, throwing all regard for vanity away. She didn’t care what she looked like right now. She didn’t care if her face was red like a tomato or if the tears would make her eyes swell. Nothing mattered right now. Nothing except making him stay. But such a feat was nearly impossible, and she was beginning to realize that. 

“Don’t tell me it’s ‘you’ and ‘not me’. That’s bullshit. It’s obviously bullshit and you know it.” Jisook blinks the rising tears away as she watches him. She feels helpless. He’s packing a bag and leaving her behind and all she can do it stand there and watch. Her words don’t mean a thing to him and nothing she can say will penetrate the walls he’s built around himself. Walls that she thought she had gotten past. 

“What happened, Hyuk? Things were fine. Everything was.. fine. What happened? Why.. why are you doing this all of a sudden? This isn’t how it’s supposed to end. You can’t just leave.”

    the girl’s words causes hyuk to halt all movement, hand half tucked into his bag with a fistful of clothes. if anyone in the world could cause hyuk to stop and reconsider his actions, it was jisook. somehow, she held all power over him. his mind, his heart. god, his heart. 

he dropped the shirts, yanking his hand out and turning to face her, russet hues looking over the girl. she looked.. pathetic. angry. heartbroken. and he didn’t like that it was caused by him, although he knew damn well he had every bit of restraint to keep from being the cause of such things. his head is spinning, having hadn’t felt this way in so, so long. fear, sadness, anger, and fear again all plagued the man. her words, only adding onto the immense guilt he felt for his own actions. 

“what do you want me to do?” the questioned rolled off his lips, as though he wasn’t the one who was packing his bags to leave. “all i say is bullshit, right? me leaving.. yeah, it’s fucked up. but what do i do, jisook?” he asks, and pauses for a heartbeat, contemplating his next choice of words. honesty wasn’t hard, either for him. in most senses, anyhow. but when it came to emotions? yeah, it was hard. “what do you do when you’re scared shitless of your own emotions, huh? -- i care SO much for you, but i don’t know what to do.” he spat the words, leaving a metallic taste in his mouth like gunmetal, his words the bullets. he looks just as pathetic and cowardly as he sounds, but so clearly trying his hardest to decide if what he is doing is the right thing. this time it feels wrong. everything about what he’s saying and doing to the one person he’s never wanted to hurt, feels wrong. it is wrong. “tell me, Jisook, what do i do?” 

[writingllama-deactivated2020012]

What better way to say I love you than through timid eyes and shy hello’s.

I Love You / Unrequited Love (via writingllama)

[luckyhqs]

( OPEN STARTER; m, f, nb )

  emotions. a loaded word implying many things, among even heavier feelings that it invokes. hyuk, in truth, always struggled with emotions. he either felt them all at once, or hardly at all. he learned at an early age, it was just easier to shut them off and put up a wall. at least, that way he wouldn’t feel the burden of whatever heartache was sure to follow. even if they were good emotions; he always feared of what comes next. 

 maybe it wasn’t emotions, so much as it was being left. right. leaving. he always left before he could be left, and maybe that’s what he was so cosmically fucked up in the emotional and attachment department. and that’s where he currently was -- leaving, yet again. one of the few people he trusted most in the world, he would admittedly fight for them, and he was packing a bag and hoping they wouldn’t put up too much of a fight (even if a small part of him yearned to be fought against, making him stay just this once). 

“i’m sorry, but i really, really have to go. it’s not you, it’s me; you know this, yeah? right. so, please, don’t make this any harder on me.” 

[compulsive]

[freshmoviequotes]

One Sings, the Other Doesn’t (1977)

[jkgfs]

sometimes the stars whisper to us before we realize it, and by then it’s a delayed message; and that’s okay

[sevreds-deactivated20181129]

[sevensilverstrings]

and karma said: “you’ll fall in love with someone who won’t love you, because you hadn’t loved someone who loved you.”

my heart -

[luckyhqs]

this blog is under construction, so please, ignore any mishaps with the theme! it’s been coming close to a year since i’ve rp’d and been on this blog — but, i am alive and here to write for myself! 

[emilysblunt]

[dexfiles]

here is a star for everyone who’s not feeling their best today (🌟)

[triplevarsity]

REBLOG IF YOU ARE OKAY WITH JUMPING AROUND IN THREADS/PLOTS. sometimes it can take ages to get from point a to point b and half the fun is the journey. but sometimes it fun to explore different aspects of a plot. flashfowards, flashbacks, parts of the plot you have discussed but haven’t reached yet. It’s so fun to explore every part of a plot and have multiple threads in different places in a plot. Or sometimes different memes you sent/receive may not fit the point in the plot you are at right now, but fit a flashback or flashfoward. So reblog if you are okay with having different threads in different points in the plot.